By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 17th, 2022

When you and your girlfriend breakup it can be difficult to decipher what is going on in her mind. You may be left wondering if she misses you or if she wants to get back together.

If you start looking for signs of interest from her, one thing you might notice is that your ex-girlfriend is watching you whenever you are around.

You might be confused and want to figure out what this means….. so to help you out here is a woman’s perspective on the situation!
In this article we are going to explore the following areas to give you some useful information about what is going on:-

  • Why she is looking at you
  • If you should approach her
  • How you should act

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Why is She Looking at You?

Imagine this situation.

You are going about your day and suddenly you notice someone looking at you from a distance. You squint to see who it could be, and you see it’s your ex-girlfriend.

You start to wonder “Why is she looking at me?”

Well there are three main reasons an ex will look at you after a breakup:

Anger, awkwardness and attraction are what I refer to as “The Three A’s”

To understand which of The Three A’s it is, you should consider the circumstances of the event and assess her body language.

Say for example you happen to go into the store where she works and you notice her staring at you. Her body language seems exaggerated and aggressive and you feel she is staring you down. If you feel your ex’s eyes burning into you, then there is a good chance she is angry with you for being on her turf.

Your ex is going to be particularly prone to anger if you shared a nasty breakup involving cheating or something of that scale. If that has happened then being around her right now will not end well so I suggest you make a swift exit.

If you happen to walk into a coffee shop and you notice your ex looking at you from the corner of the room, her eyes looking at you and then darting around the room with her body shrunken away as though she were trying to hide then it is quite likely she feels awkward seeing you.
Your ex is likely to demonstrate awkward behavior if they you have not spoken since the breakup or the dust hasn’t settled yet. Equally she could feel awkward if how she handled herself during the breakup was inappropriate- perhaps she ghosted you or at the other end of the spectrum she might have bombarded you with text messages. Either way she might be embarrassed by her behavior.

Another scenario that might occur is if you work together. Perhaps you are in the work cafeteria and you notice her glancing across the room at you throughout your lunch break. Other times you might catch her watching you as you walk around the office but then she suddenly looks away, only to return her gaze moments later. If this happens its very possible that your ex-girlfriend is still attracted to you and misses you.

If your ex-girlfriend is still attracted to you then her eyes will naturally be drawn towards you without her even realizing, this makes it a good indicator that she is still thinking about you after the breakup.

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Should I Approach Her

Now that you understand the three reasons your ex-girlfriend might be looking at you, you are probably wondering if it is okay to talk to her in person.

You will need to consider the following criteria if you are thinking of talking to her.

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No Contact

The first criteria you will want to ask yourself relates to your no-contact period. If you are in your no contact period then you should continue for the rest of your chosen time frame.

The no-contact period is there to give you time to heal but also gives her time to miss you.

If your ex-girlfriend is constantly looking at you that means they are not over the breakup just yet so there is no urgency to break no contact. It could even mean that they are missing you already and that the no contact period is working, so let it work it’s magic some more and stay in no contact a little while longer.

The Three A’s

The next consideration you will need to make is based on her behavior.
We have talked about The Three A’s, anger, awkwardness, and attraction. You will need to use your gut feeling to identify which category your ex falls into.

If your ex is still harboring feelings of anger towards you after the breakup then I recommend that you do not approach her or even look at her if you can avoid it.

Staring back at her will give the impression you are trying to intimidate her and this could lead to an embarrassing and damaging confrontation in a public place which will seriously hinder your ability to win her back.

If your ex-girlfriend is displaying awkward behavior then approaching her will only make her feel more awkward. When interacting with your ex you want to ensure all your experiences with her are positive and enjoyable to keep her wanting to talk to you again and again. For this reason I would avoid going to talk to her. I suggest that you smile politely back at her if you happen to catch her looking at you and then send her a friendly text a couple of days later assuming you are out of your no contact period.

Should your ex-girlfriend is displaying signs of attraction towards you then this is great news and you can think about approaching her based on the next few criteria.

Do You Feel Calm

Ask yourself do you feel calm? Is talking to her going to upset you?
If you feel that you can handle the situation whilst displaying a positive persona then you can speak to her, however if you feel that you are likely to become angry, upset or clingy then avoid speaking to her and text her later in the week instead.

Is She Alone

If you are thinking about plucking up the courage to go and talk to your ex, take a moment to check if she is alone and not busy on the phone or in the middle of something.

Approaching your ex if she is with friends or family will be incredibly awkward for her. I can recall a situation a few years ago when I was out enjoying few quiet drinks with friends, and then my ex walks into the bar. Immediately he saw me and headed over to talk about the breakup. I can’t stress enough how uncomfortable the situation was, all of my friends went silent to listen to what had to be said…. They pretty much broke out the popcorn!

After he left my friends asked a lot of questions about what had just happened, accused him of stalking and told me I should not give him a second chance.

Talking to your ex when she has company will be awkward and may well backfire as she is very likely to listen to the advice from her peers once you leave.

If you see her with friends I would advise not approaching her, the best course of action is to text her a couple of days later with a friendly message instead.

Do You Have Rapport

The final thing you will want to consider is if you have seen signs of rapport in your text conversations so far? If your interactions to date have been positive then you can take the opportunity to go speak with her and build upon the rapport you already have.

How You Should Act

If you have decided to go and speak to your ex-girlfriend, then here are some pointers to help the conversation go smoothly.

Stay calm and cool

Try to keep your cool. This will help you to seem confident, which is a very attractive quality for a man to have and it will increase the level of attraction she feels for you.

Remaining calm and composed will also help you to avoid slipping into any potential arguments that may come out of the blue.

Build rapport

Focus on building rapport with your ex by ensuring the interaction is as upbeat and as enjoyable as possible for her. A good way to do this is by letting your ex-girlfriend do most of the talking, let her tell you about what she has been doing lately, this will help you a lot as all women look for a boyfriend who will show an interest in their life.

Respect Her Privacy

There is one conversation topic I want you to avoid and that is the topic of dating. Do not ask her if she is dating, now that you are not together her private life is off limits to you.

Asking if she is dating anyone new will give off the impression you are jealous or feeling insecure.

You want your ex to go away from the conversation feeling like you have transformed into a confident, independent alpha male since the breakup. Giving her this impression is going to make her feel like she misjudged you and make her reconsider her decision to be with you.
If your ex-girlfriend asks if you are dating, you can tell her that you are playing the field at the minute then change the subject….. you don’t want to seem like you are purposely bragging to make her jealous! Just by telling her you are talking to other girls or going on dates is enough to plant the seed of jealousy, make her realize she could lose you forever and then get her chasing after you.

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The only time I would suggest you do not mention dating if your ex asks, is if she broke up with you because you cheated.


The big question, to hug or not to hug?

Tricky isn’t it, on the one hand you want to seem warm and friendly but on the other you don’t want to seem overly familiar or clingy. So what is the right thing to do?

I recommend that if she is standing when she greets you, that you should give her a brief hug lasting no more than 1-2 seconds. Just hug and release, don’t linger on the hug… that will be creepy.

The reason I am recommending the hug is that studies have shown that hugging releases feel good chemicals in the brain that work to relax peoples moods, increase empathy and induce bonding.

Trust me when I say that when you give your ex a brief hug, she is going to remember how great it feels to have your arms around her and its going to bring back positive memories from the past.

By giving your ex-girlfriend a hug you will increase the positive feelings she experiences from you and give her a positive memory to take home that you can text about later.

Avoid Talking About the Breakup

It is very important in the early stages of communication that you do not talk about the breakup. Discussing the breakup will seem like you are trying to use the opportunity to convince her to get back together which will appear clingy. It will also give your ex the impression that you are not over the breakup and gives away your power in the situation.

In an ideal scenario you want to give the impression that your ex did you a huge favor giving you your freedom back. Let her see you enjoying life, hanging out with the guys, talking to girls and doing whatever you please because you are a single guy now.

End the Conversation on a High Note

As with all interactions with your ex your need to end the conversation on a high. By ending the conversation at the most opportune moment you are able to take advantage of something called the “peak-end rule”.

The “peak-end rule” is the cliffhanger effect that is used on TV to get you hooked on a series and ensure you tune in for the next show.

For example, you are watching a TV show and it has a really exciting car chase between the show’s hero and the police but then all of a sudden the hero’s car careers off the road and falls down a cliff… and then the credits appear leaving you in suspense about what has happened it gets you addicted to the show and leaves you excited to watch the next episode.

You can use this cliff-hanger effect in your texts, phone calls and face to face meetings with your ex to get her hooked on talking to you and looking forward to speaking to you again.

To do this ensure you end conversations with your ex-girlfriend at a high point to amplify how well she perceives your conversation.

What to Take Away

Now you understand the three reasons your ex-girlfriend might be looking at you constantly. Use this information wisely to figure out if it is time to break the ice and go and talk to her in person.

Remember to be upbeat and fun, not to pry into her private life, give her a hug if you can, keep the interaction brief and most importantly end on a cliff-hanger to hook her in. Getting the cliff hanger is really crucial if you want to get her speaking to you more frequently….. so don’t overstay your welcome, always leave her wanting more!

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Chris Seiter	

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