So if you have been working hard on improving yourself during your No Contact Period, yet you keep getting text messages or calls from your girlfriend to contact you, you are probably wondering what you should do.
Should you break the No Contact Rule since your ex girlfriend has texted you, begging to give her another chance?
Has she completely forgiven you and can you trust it’s time to give it another try with your ex?
Will it be OK to break your silence or is that asking for trouble.
I know what you are thinking. In the back of your mind, you are wondering when does making an exception to the no contact rule really work. You sure don’t want to make things worse. That’s the last thing you want, right!
Another set back is something you can’t afford. After all, you implemented the no contact rule because you believed it would really work.
When your ex girlfriend is reaching out to you, repeatedly, I know it’s hard to escape the temptation to end NC and respond to her. It can be really hard to contain yourself when your ex girlfriend is begging you to call or text her back.
That can tough on you or anyone who is trying to stay true to their pledge to uphold the No Contact Rule.
In fact, it can be horribly painful not to text or call her back.
Should You Break or Stop No Contact If She Has Been Breadcrumbing You?
So let’s say your ex girlfriend has been breadcrumbing your during no contact, trying to get your attention, hoping you will respond.
It’s is no fun when your ex girlfriend drops these little messages on you like breadcrumbs, enticing you to contact her.
She is probably doing everything she can to get your attention. Meanwhile, you are all twisted up like a pretzel trying to figure out if you should give in and break no contact.
Well, the short answer is you probably would be better served by continuing to uphold your Ex Recovery Strategy. But there are extenuating circumstances which can come into play. You see, NC is a highly adaptable strategy.
So instead of twisting in the wind, let me help out. Let me give you 7 factors you should consider before breaking the No Contact Rule.
7 Factors To Consider Before Ending No Contact With Your Ex
Nobody said this breakup would be easy. And now that you find yourself using NC, you may feel you now have some control back. You may be starting to see the emotions coming back under control.
But then out of nowhere your ex girlfriend starts texting you. She wants to chat. It all sounds friendly. She sounds nice and is asking you politely to call. Maybe she is asking you for forgiveness. Or she could be begging you to respond, insisting that she has changed and wants you to give her a second chance.
What the heck do you do?
Before you act, consider these factors when deciding whether to break or stop your No Contact to talk to her.
Factor 1: How Long Were You In the Relationship?
One important consideration is how long you and your ex were together.
Before you go breaking the no contact rule just because she reached out said some nice things, take into account how long the two of you were together as a couple. If it has been multiple years, then, yes, you should give careful consideration to responding.
After all, a long term relationship usually has solid roots and perhaps the space you gave to each other has been long enough for you both to settle down your emotions.
All those years of experience that you have to call upon will likely work to your advantage. So if you have been together as a couple for a good while, you may want to make an exception to the NC rule assuming some of the other factors line up in your favor.
Factor 2: How Many Days Have Passed Since You Started the NC Rule?
So before hurrying to contact your ex girlfriend just because she has been sending you tons of texts, take into account how long it’s been since you started your No Contact period.
If she is repeatedly contacting you, yet it’s really early in the NC process, then your probably don’t want to break the NC rule. It’s better, in most cases, to stay the course.
Of course, there are always exceptions. It may be that the NC period was necessary, but the relationship past was so strong that even though its only been a few days or a week or so, it still may be appropriate to make an exception and respond to her efforts to reach you. Remember, NC is adaptable and you have to reason through all this, taking into account the other factors as well.
If your ex girlfriend has just reached out to you and you are nearing the end of your no contact period, then it stands to reason that its probably a good time to try and make that connection. You need not wait until the very last official day of no contact to talk with her if she is right there for the taking.
Factor 3: What Is the Couple’s Track Record With Past Breakups?
This is an important consideration in deciding if you should end or stop no contact.
The past experiences you have had with your ex girlfriend should weigh heavily into your decision making. Perhaps the big fight that caused the breakup was a “one off” and so if she is trying to connect with you to make amends, then you should carefully consider whether to make an exception.
In some cases, it could be cruel or damaging to the relationship to complete ignore her. Again, what we are talking about is a relationship the two of you have that is largely really good and has stood the test of time, yet something happened and it all went awry. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot by being stubborn if many of the signs are pointing at your need to contact your ex.
We can be stubborn to a fault or head strong about implementing every element of our strategy as planned. But to be successful at winning her back, one needs to be adaptable and think rationally about how and when to employ one’s ex recovery tactics.
Factor 4: Where Are You With Your Own Personal Recovery?
I always tell my Coaching Clients that what matters most in their No Contact Period is that they get better for themselves. Sometimes that can take a good amount of time and energy and required a dedication.
So whatever happened between you and your ex girlfriend, bear in mind that if your mind is clouded with confusion and anxiousness, you are likely to make the wrong decisions.
Now if you have come a long ways in the healing department and a sufficient amount of time has gone by and if some of the other factors are looking good, then you may want to take that call from your ex or respond to her text.
At some stage, if the two of you are going to get re-connected, it will take both of you communicating in a positive way.
Factor 5: What Caused the Breakup and How Serious Was It?
So I see this often. For example, let’s say the breakup was a real bad one. Let’s say you and your ex girlfriend had the mother of all blow-ups and she was in no forgiving mode in those early days.
But now a week or so has gone by and the passionate anger she was displaying earlier has now turned into a “let’s talk”. Or she may have completely thrown in the towel and is peppering you with a lot apologies, begging for another chance.
So it would seem she has learned her lesson, you might think. The coast is clear, you might conclude. Excitement may rise up in you. What could go wrong, you might say out loud.
Unfortunately, a heck of a lot can go wrong because if her passions switched quickly from anger and resentment to begging and pleading, they could easily switch on back.
So do yourself a favor and make sure that all the other signs and factors align. It may not be worth the risk to re-start communications with your ex if there is still a lot of emotions seething under the surface.
Factor 6: Who Initiated the Breakup?
So who pulled the trigger on ending the relationship can play into whether you end your No Contact sooner than planned. Usually, if you dumped her because you needed some space and then started No Contact, you will have more flexibility in deciding when to end the NC period.
Her readiness to talk will be apparent. It’s “you” that you need to make sure is ready.
The last thing you want to do is break off no contact too soon. If you don’t have things in the right perspective and still have serious doubts as to whether this relationship is going to work, then ending no contact to soon could end up hurting your ex girlfriend even more.
Factor 7: How Many Positive Communications Have You Received From Your Ex?
So this is probably the biggest factor and indicator as to whether you should end the NC Rule. The frequency of positive attempts by your ex girlfriend to talk with you should be taken into account. If she just sent you one text message that is rather neutral in tone, then that may not cut it.
For example, if your ex simply inquires about “how are doing”, just note that while that sounds friendly enough, it hardly rises to the level of multiple positive efforts to communicate.
Of course, the opposite of positive is negative and so if you are thinking about maybe ending NC because you just feel you need to, yet the only communications you have received are at best neutral, then you are probably making a mistake.
A lot times our minds can talk us into making the wrong decision about ending our NC period. If we allow your mind to roam for too long, it can convince you of almost anything – like she is going to hook up with another guy if you don’t do something.
So don’t rush to end your well thought out ex recovery plan. Try to take in the big picture before making any decision about ending your No Contact efforts.