By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 9th, 2022

Breakups can take a toll on our mind and body and sometimes we resort to alcohol to relieve our pain. And of course, once you or your ex girlfriend start drinking and get drunk, all kinds of things can happen.

I am mostly talking about the phenomenon of drunk texting.

If your ex girlfriend drunk texted you, you have some decisions to make as to whether you should respond to her drunk text and how you should go about it. 

But there are certain considerations you need to take into account before you do anything. And unfortunately, sometimes it’s not an easy call as to what do.  Of course I try to help you remedy all that with my Program.

Should you text her back? When and what do you say in your text to her?

Is she so drunk that she can potentially cause harm to herself or others? 

Can you trust or rely on anything she tells you in her drunk text? 

These are just some of the things you need to consider. So let’s talk about each of these situations from the perspective of who drunk texted who.

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5 Ways To Respond To Your Ex Girlfriend Drunk Texting You

splashing drunk

It can be a slippery slope when you get a drunk text from your ex girlfriend.  What does it mean, you might ask yourself.  Should you place any real meaning or significance on the fact that your ex girlfriend went out and got drunk, then started texting you?

If she is saying in her drunken state that she wants to get back, can it be believed?

Sometimes it’s not even easy to decipher what she is trying to say in her text.  With all that she drank, she may have garbled the text, making it nearly impossible to interpret.

You think to yourself, “Should I come to her rescue because if she is resorted to drunk texting, then she must be in a bad way, right”?

Well, let’s try to figure out how you should proceed.

Step 1: Assess Why Your Ex Girlfriend Is Drunk Texting You

If out of the blue you get a text from your ex girlfriend and it seems obvious that she has been drinking, you need to evaluate why she is texting you and if she is in any trouble. 

How do you do this?  And should you do this if you are currently employing no contact?  Obviously, there are no real obvious answers as to how to proceed.  One has to use their best judgement.

My advice would be to Err on the side of caution.  If this is unlike her, then you should immediately text back to ascertain her whereabouts.  If she is at home, then then that would indicate she is likely not in any immediate danger.  If it’s simply the kind of text in which she is just reaching out asking how you are doing or saying some silly things, you may want to avoid any extended communication. Encourage her to get some rest.  This is particularly case if you are in no contact.

Sometimes she may be saying things she doesn’t really mean.  She could make some really ugly and angry assertions.  Or she may beg for another chance, insisting the relationship should  go back to what it use to be, promising you everything will be better.  I had a Coaching Client that had a similar experience.  He elected to wait until she sobered up before talking with her.

If she is drunk texting you, I would be cautious as to how much weight you put on these assertions. These kind of texts would probably be best ignored

Step 2:  Decide If  Your Ex Girlfriend May Pose a Risk To Herself

sad girl

If you think that you ex girlfriend could be in a situation where she is vulnerable or could be harmed, consider whether you should intervene.  If her drunk texts are of the kind that suggest she has completely lost it and is somewhere unsafe or is by herself, you may have to take action.  

You certainly in good conscience don’t want her driving as she could cause  harm to herself and others.  So if you suspect any of these possibilities are in play, you should try to draw her out more and explore just what is going on.  Explore where she is and how long she has been there and how she intends to get home.

You need not be the one that saves her if you feel she is at risk.  There may be a friend nearby you can call upon.  So there are options, though if she is in really bad shape, she may later be embarrassed by the whole thing and could come to resent you for arranging with others to intervene against her wishes.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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In situations like this, you don’t necessarily need not make a go or no go decision on the spot.  You can check in with her later to evaluate her condition and whether you should get involved.

Step 3:  Avoid Getting Drawn Into Deep Relationship Discussions

Often, when you hear from your ex girlfriend in this way, she is trying to make a connection with you.  Usually it’s because she misses you.  Sometimes it is because she is still be uncertain as to what she wants.  If you end up communicating with her, it’s best to avoid trying to hash out any of the relationship issues that got the two of you to this point.

You should know that what she says or wants to do in that moment may not fully represent what she really wants. 

Why is that? 

Well, often in these situations your ex girlfriend doesn’t know what she wants or what is the best course of action.  But a part of her is missing those good feelings she use to have when she was with you.  She is yearning for that again and in her drunken state.  All of her normal defenses are down.  She could be just looking for immediate gratification or something to make her feel better again.  Or it could run much deeper than that.

So don’t take anything she says to you as gospel.  And if you are not in a No Contact mode and are actively texting her back and forth, remember that it’s best not to dive into any meaningful relationship topics or decisions.  You may be disappointed later when she changes her mind.  

Also avoid saying anything mean or insensitive as that could trigger a downward spiral in your ex girlfriend, creating further damage or open up the potential for other problems.

Step 4:  Guide Your Ex Girlfriend To a Safer Path

So she may be drunk and decided to text you.  And perhaps she is in a relativity safe environment such as at her home or with her friends (who are sober).  None the less, you should gently encourage her to stop drinking and get some rest.  Tell her you are worried about her welfare and you want her to be safe.

In this way, whether you want to restart the relationship again or not, you are guiding her to a safer place and she will later be appreciative of the tone you took, even though you made no commitment.

Step 5:  Check In On Your Ex Girlfriend The Next Day

While this may not be appropriate if you are actively engaged in No Contact, if you are still on talking terms with your ex girlfriend, you probably will want to check in briefly with her the next day to make sure she got in OK and is safe and sound.

It’s just a classy thing to do despite where things are with the relationship.  At the very least, it will garner you some goodwill and give you some assurance that she is not in any trouble.

What Should You Do If You Drunk Text Your Ex Girlfriend

texting when drunk

So let’s turn the tables.  Let’s say now you went how and got hammered all you could think about was reaching out to your ex girlfriend. . So what do you do if you have drunk texted your ex girlfriend?

In other words, this time it’s you that got busy with texting her, possibly saying all the wrong things.  How do you go about sweeping up you own mess?

3 Ways of Dealing with Drunk Texting Your Ex

  • Don’t Do It: So if you read this article,  you should be aware that somewhere along the way you may end up intoxicated which makes you prone to sending your ex a drunken text.  Rarely is it a good idea.  You will usually end up saying something that is either inappropriate or get caught up in your texting frenzy, coming off as desperate. That is not a picture you want to paint in your ex girlfriend’s mind.
  • Don’t Pile On: As soon as you finish sending your ex girlfriend a drunk text, you are going to probably realize you screwed up.  For your sake, let’s hope you did not royally screw up!  Whatever the case, don’t make it worse by sending a second or third text, trying to correct your fumble with the first drunken text message you sent her.
  • Don’t Take It Back: So if later your ex girlfriend wants to know why you sent the text and what you meant by it, don’t assume she doesn’t already know the whole story.  Chances are she knows the bar you went to, how much you drank, and that you were stinking drunk when you text messaged her.  Now this is not all bad because part of her is thinking your drunk text (if you said something good) represents you secret voice – how you really feel about her.  And she might just like it that you confessed your real feelings. So don’t screw up whatever good came of it by lying that you weren’t drunk or taking it all back.  As I said, she probably knows your were intoxicated.  And don’t downplay what you said.  If what you revealed was a positive sentiment, then let it stand and let her process it on its own merits.  Unless of course you said something that was completely untrue and rude.  In that case, run for cover.	

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