What do you do when your life with your ex girlfriend has completely exploded out of control?
How do you deal with an ex girlfriend that has convinced herself that you hate her? And because she thinks you have nothing but contempt for her, she in turns now tells you she hates you.
It can be a mess when two people, who once cared for each other deeply, turn their passions around to attack each other.
What can complicate the matter is if you really didn’t mean the ugly things you said and you truly want her back. How then do you navigate through all the obstacles, some of which you created when you spun out of control and started dropping the hate bombs on her?
It leaves open a lot of questions, doesn’t it?
You might wonder if you should just start saying some cute and sweet things to your ex girlfriend to get her back. Of course, when you try that tactic, it fails miserably.
Then you think that maybe it would be best if you just let her go, that way she will miss you like crazy and come running back to you, right?
I mean they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, so you probably figure you will just disappear on your ex girlfriend and when you re-appear, she will fall all over herself try to make amends.
But guess what? Such an approach also often turns out to be a losing get your ex back strategy.
It can be quite a conundrum when you break up with your ex after being at each other’s throats. That certainly is no memorable lasting impression. So what to do, you wonder?
I mean, wouldn’t it be wonderful if someone could put together a 5 point plan that will magically lift her off her feet, convincing her you are just an amazing guy. Well, while I can’t promise any magic, hang in there because help might just be on its way!
But before we get into some potential solutions on how you go about getting rid of all the hateful feelings and anger that has welled up insider her, not to mention the resentment that has been building up; we are going to let Mason tell his story.
In his telling of his situation, you will not only identify with the unique challenge that lies before him, but you will start to see the origins of how things can go so wrong, yet in the end even the most complicated of situations with an ex can be turned around.
It just takes the right mindset and approach.
Mason’s Story of How Hate Ran Off His Ex Girlfriend
I can’t say that I don’t deserve it.
Believe me, if I could turn back the clock I would. But it’s all out there now and I have to figure out how to get myself back on her good side because right now my ex girlfriend is 100% certain that I am a hateful person.
Why would she think that? Well, stupid me, I kinda freaked one afternoon when I mistakenly thought she was having an affair and proceeded to lay into her, telling her I hated her to the core, calling her awful names like bitch and slut and just some really nasty stuff.
So yeah, she is pretty convinced that I have written her off.
But now I have found out that I was wrong about some things and I realize I need more than a bunch of apologies to get her back. Right now though, she is not letting me back into her life or her heart or anything else. I am blocked from everything and am pretty much a nothing person in her mind.
I should have never left her. We did have some history of skirmishes. She is pretty passionate and I guess I am too. OK, the truth is we fought all the time so it would be fair to say neither one of us think twice about waging battle. But we really never hated each other. We sometimes acted like we did, but really not. It was just us being us; letting go sometimes.
I know I am not starting from a good place with my ex. Prior to the breakup, we were going through a really rough patch. Rarely would a day go by in which we weren’t at each other’s throats.
I learned a long time ago that my ex girlfriend was one of those people who would not let go of some things. That is why this particular episode in which I melted down has made things a lot worse. When my ex gets convinced of something bad that I may have said, she holds it against me. Like forever.
I did tell her in no uncertain terms that I hated her and was sickened by even looking at her. Pretty bad of me. Then she ran out and told all her friends who of course told her that I was always a bad person and she shouldn’t give me the time of day. They turned her against me by filling up my ex girlfriend’s head with a bunch of garbage about me. They pump her up to have nothing but contempt for me.
Right now I am feeling pretty stupid and hopeless because I know I created a lot of this mess. But it can be nearly impossible to get my ex gf to be honest with me about things. Yep, I accused her falsely and she dug in her heels and refused to even answer all my questions about her cheating. Which got me pissed and back and forth we went.
So, wrapping it up, what do I do?
She thinks I hate her. I really don’t. I know my ex hates me right now. I am afraid she really does and I don’t know where to even start. How do I make a dent into her when all her friends are poisoning her with a bunch of crap about me.
I have little doubt my ex girlfriend has been freaking out about all this in her own way. As I said, I screwed up and am pretty sure she will do everything she can to screw me. She is probably already telling my parents about all this.
How do I ever get her to forgive me and realize that when I became unglued, it wasn’t really me talking but a crazy man inside me. Look, I really thought my girlfriend was sleeping around. Now I know it was just me acting like a nut and immaturely, chasing my own demons and saying things that I not only regret, but have now gotten me into a horrible bind.
Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Not To Blow You Off
For those of you who are trying to convince your ex girlfriend that you neither hate her or despise her, just know that it can be a difficult chore if you were really abusive. If the big blow up lasted a long time and lot of hate bombs were landing at your girlfriend’s feet, then let’s not pretend here.
In most cases, if you try anything with your ex now, she is going to blow you off. And if that happens, all you end up doing is adding another negative memory for her to chew on.
Yep, if you did her wrong, then don’t delude yourself. Accept that you will have a big mess to clean up.
But clean it up you can, if you have the right plan.
Do you know what else can help? It longevity. Meaning that if you and your ex have been together for a good period of time, then that traction of goodwill you have built up as a couple might just help you tear down her wall of hate.
Chances are she will not be in a forgiving mood for awhile. So rushing in with apologies and gifts in hand will do you little good. While time can help in the long run, right now is not the time to try and win her back.
If it’s only been a few days since your relationship imploded, don’t be in a hurry to rush back in. Even if every molecule in your body is driving you to reach out to her and make things right. Just don’t do it. Chances are that she hates you more now than you could ever imagine and all you would be doing is making any chances of recovery all the more difficult.
What you need is a strategic ex recovery plan.
You have come to the right place. But let’s be realistic. You just crapped all over your ex girlfriend so you have your work cut out for you and don’t expect that her gravely wounded heart is going to recover any time soon.
I have 5 things you need to do to start making a dent into her thinking.
And remember my man, you are looking to take little steps, slowly over time, with strategy in mind.
I know you don’t want your ex girlfriend out there thinking horrible things about you. If you don’t put a curb on that somehow, all those awful things she me be saying and thinking about you might just get caught up in a negative feedback loop, which means her hate and disgust for you could grow stronger by the week.
You don’t want that happening because it defeats your over all plan to get her back. Nor do you want your ex out there suffering because the more she suffers, feeling you can’t stand her, then the greater the chance that her relationship wounds will grow larger.
5 Ways To Stop Your Ex Girlfriend From Hating You If You Want Her Back
So where do you start? Here is my 5 step plan to get back in her good graces.
1. Give Her Wide Berth – There is little to gain right now by trying to chat it up with your ex right now. This is the time for you both to get past the worst part of your pain and you are only going to accomplish this if you give her plenty of space. She needs time to heal. So does you. Take about 3 to 4 weeks and work on yourself. Work on doing a better job of controlling your anger. Don’t give in to the temptations to call or text her. Give your ex girlfriend plenty of room to begin her own process of finding some calm. Will she be ready to put it all in the past when the 3 to 4 weeks are over? Probably not, particularly if the break up was really rough. But her state of mind will be exponentially better than it will be a few days after the split up.
2. When It’s Time – Reach Out To Her in a Heartfelt Manner – Now how you do this can be quite delicate. So I want you to follow what I have to say very carefully, otherwise your ex girlfriend is going to dig in her claws even deeper to escape your clutches. But look, don’t let all this scare you to much. Why? Well, you are already in your girlfriend’s doghouse. It probably can’t get much worse. And remember, stay the course, even if it doesn’t appear to work. Even if it makes no discernibly impression on your ex and she still seems to hate your guts.
Are you worried about how angry she still is with you. Hey, guess what? It takes a lot of energy for your ex to despise you, so that means she cares enough for you to bother to even think about you.
As you probably guessed – I am one of those glass half full kind of guys.
But I am not coming at your from a sphere of ignorance. I have seen how women respond when they are angry at their guy and if she is bothering to care to “hate” you through making all kinds of little remarks and hints, that is a heck of a lot better than you becoming a ghost to her.
So how do you climb back inside her heart?
I have written several post on how guys can eventually win back their girlfriend’s heart through the cleverness of their initial text response. That is certainly one way of trying to shake her out of her resistance to speak with you. But how can you break through your ex girlfriend’s ice cold heart? How do you accomplish such a feat so it comes off as genuine?
For this situation you need to do something to gain her attention. Remember, you are at this stage just to try to make a dent in the great wall of hate she may have erected.
So I say let’s go old fashioned on her!
In today’s world with smart phones and social media, all things seem to move fast and a lot of the ways in which we connect are impersonal. To re-attract your ex girlfriend you cannot afford to do anything that has the feel of impersonal.
Your first efforts need to be a bit out of the box. It’s time to break through the paradigms and really reach deep inside your ex girlfriend’s mind.
To really impress her, write her a letter. Choose a beautiful piece of stationary and an unusual colored ink. Tell her about all the things you appreciate about her. Don’t start going into a ton of excuses or long, defensive sounding explanations. Don’t try to wax poetically to your ex girlfriend. Simply write to tell her how you value her so many qualities.
Look, you have some work ahead of you. Not the least in which you some how need to eliminate all these bad words you stuck in her head. If you went on a hate filled tirade against your ex girlfriend, you don’t want those words lingering in her mind. That have to be shoved out and replaced with something different. You have to replace all the negative and ugly language that is still dancing around in her mind with your loving and kind words.
3. Then deliver a Special Gift that you ex girlfriend will be surprised and wowed by. So just how do you pull that off? I favor doing something simple, but with eloquence.
You don’t want to offer up some kind of grand, spectacular gift. She will see through that. Remember it’s often a series of little steps that add up to making a bigger impression, not one big, obvious overture. That is the stuff of romantic movies. This is the real world.
You need to reach deep into her heart and touch her there. For example, you can get a beautiful gift like a rose and have it wrapped up and placed in a lovely box. Have it delivered at her door, but not by you. Don’t leave a note.
Less is more
Just maybe she will come to realize you are not the rotten, good for nothing boyfriend she thought you were. Just possibly she will come to realize you are not the hateful boyfriend she pegged you to be.
4. Change Your Social Media Image: Now that you have done a couple of things to get the attention of your Ex, she more than likely will start slowly warming up to you. Mind you, I said slowly. She probably still hates you with a passion right now. But as I said, don’t let that throw you off. If she didn’t care, she wouldn’t hate.
And guess what?
The flip side of hate is love. We just got to flip your ex girlfriend to see you in a different way. So that is what you are going to do with your social media image. Statistics show that your ex is very likely following you (or stalking) on social media.
Yeah, she is still super mad at you, but she is also curious about you and probably won’t be able to resist checking up on you. Part of her brain wants confirmation that you are still an asshole. But another part of her brain really wishes you had never said the awful things you did.
So you are going to show her you are a new guy, a better one, and she will see that through your social media feed.
Get rid of the pics that depict you in any negative light. Gone should be all the party boy or play boy images. Strategically drop in a few new pics of her with a nice little caption. But don’t over do it. Don’t lay it on too thick.
Post things that show you have matured more and have a wistful attitude about life now. Talk about you are still learning about life and coping through mistakes you have made. Post things about your desire to give back to society and be a better person.
Don’t talk about other women or your love life. Using jealousy traps won’t work for you in this situation with your ex. Remember, part of her brain is looking for reasons to justify why she should wipe you clean from her mind. You want to play on the good boy image and make subtle references about her in the most positive of light
5. Cash in your Love chips: So now you have invested a lot to create just a sliver of an opening that will hopefully lead her to reconsider whether she will talk to you again. Think of these things you have done as dropping down little love bread crumbs for her to pick up and consume at an emotional level.
Will your ex girlfriend drop everything in life and come running back into your arms?
But you have made her just a bit more receptive to your next overture. So now its time to cash in your chips. You are going to have to be brave. To show her your seriousness and your level of respect, put on your best suit and go over to her place when you are certain she will be home.
Knock on her door and say, “I am sorry I said such hateful things. None of them are true. I am ashamed.”
Now, here comes the important part. After you say your piece, you need to simply SHUT UP. Don’t say another word. Just stand there and let her take in the spectacle of you standing there in full formal suit with apologies in hand.
If she accepts your apology, then the door of you regaining your ex girlfriend’s trust just opened up slightly more. If that is the case, gently probe to see if she wishes to talk. But if she cuts you down or starts to berate you, that is fine as well. Don’t let it phase you.
Simply stand there, silently nodding your head in agreement with everything she says. She won’t expect that. When she is finally through, pause briefly, then tell her “I deserve that. I think I will leave now”. Then leave. Maybe she is not ready yet. But trust me my friend, if you behave in the way that I describe, your chances are increasing by the moment.
I want to hear from you about what you think about my advice. Also, if you should have any questions, be sure to drop us a line in the Comment Section below.
Best of luck and don’t forget to abide by the law of the little steps!