I often get questions from clients about what to do if their ex girlfriend is already seeing someone else. Often my client will be squirming with discomfort at the very notion that their beloved ex girlfriend could be dating some other dude.
Usually, the first reaction is one of anger. They are seething underneath that their ex would stoop to such a level. So I will hear a lot of big talk about how they hate or even despise their ex girlfriend and that they should never take them back.
But eventually when the big wave of anger subsides, we get down to the business of discussing how to get their ex girlfriend back when she is seeing someone else.
But this dual desire to kick her to the curb while at the same time beg to get her back is not easily shaken. It may live inside you for awhile.
In other words, don’t be surprised if you feel like you are ready to blow up her phone and her world in one moment, then later feel desperate to get her back at all costs.
When you strip it all down, what most of my clients really want to know is if they still have a shot. They don’t want to be left wondering “does it mean she is over me.” Well, I know you may tire of my telling you this, but it all starts with a sensible plan!
And this is something I can help the with!
Should You Ever Forgive Your Ex Girlfriend For Her Dating Habits?
Some guys upon learning that their ex is seeing someone else will want payback. The way some guys process all of this if their ex girlfriend is going to be out there messing around with other men, then two can play at this game. That’s the primitive mind kicking in.
So my clients will typically hit me up for all the ways they can get revenge by way of jealousy. They will start peppering me with questions on whether they should text their ex girlfriend immediately and tell her she has been found out and that by the way, they too has have found someone special and that she is a really hot chick.
Ummmm….not the smartest of moves.
Or Is It Better To Tackle The “Other Guy” Problem With a Plan?
But not everyone is this way. A lot guys want nothing more than to right the ship and ride out this storm. And if you are not of this mind, I am going to try to get you there because seeking revenge when your ex gf is with another man is not your best ploy.
So what you should be exploring is what sensible actions can you take when your ex girlfriend has a new boyfriend. So I am going to walk through the Plan of what you should do if your ex girlfriend is dating someone else already.
By the way, I know all this hurts like hell and you may feel the need for specialized attention. So if you need an individualized plan, then check out my 1 on 1 Coaching Services!
With the advice to follow, I intend to help those of you who foolishly dream of revenge and are going crazy with with the news of your girl checking out the dating scene. And I am also going help those of you who simply want to bring all this to an end and get her back before she falls for this idiot she has gotten herself mixed up with.
7 Things You Can Do If Your Ex Girlfriend Is Dating Someone Else And You Want Her Back
1. Practice the Being There Principle
So you are probably wondering what you should do if your ex girlfriend has been spotted with another guy .
I know what you are thinking. You are saying to yourself, “hey Chris, I still love my ex girlfriend but she has a boyfriend and I am pretty sure I don’t stand a chance.”
Well, let me tell right now that just because your ex is expanding her love life and all evidence points to a new romance in her life, it does not mean that your goose is cooked.
Consider trying out a strategy I call,”The Being There Principle”. In short, it’s about you not going away.
Now, I don’t want you making a nuisance of yourself, constantly interfering and encroaching in her life. It doesn’t work that way. In fact, I want you to take the opposite approach. Find ways to be supportive to your former girlfriend. It will help and confuse her in the same stroke. She may start wondering, where was this kind and considerate guy before, leading her to consider if she rushed to judgement.
Remember, this is only one strategy among many you can employ as part of your ex recovery plan. Indeed, you can learn much more about all the ex recovery strategies in my epic 485 page eBook, Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro.
Engage with her to the extent that she is comfortable. Be her number one supporter, but not over top. Be kind. Say things to build her confidence. In an odd way, you ex girlfriend may look to you for advice, even permission to explore the dating field.
The way you win her over is not by putting obstacles in her way or making her feel resentful for mean or ugly things you might say. If you are going to get over this hurdle it is through employing empathy, kindness, and a lot of positivism.
2. Don’t Make Things Worse By Panicking or Overreacting
Sometimes you may find that you can’t shake that angry place in your heart. It may feel like it is impossible to let your ex girlfriend off the hook. Your worst fears may be realized as you learn that your ex gf is dating someone new right away. No sooner than your relationship with her ended, it seems she was already putting herself out there.
So don’t make things worse by panicking and overreacting such that you do or say something incredibly stupid or irresponsible. Just remain calm and realize they more you try to stop your ex from doing something, the greater her resistance will grow. I know it will be hard but it is imperative you don’t think with your heart. Keep your head and execute a sensible ex recovery strategy.
3. Don’t Retaliate Against Your Ex Girlfriend By Dating Another Girl
Now I am not one of those consultants who say never use jealousy. When used in a tactical and subtle way, it can be effective. But if your relationship is broken, why break it even more by upping the ante by going out and dating another girl immediately after the breakup. There may be a time for when that is in your best interest. But rarely does it help you to send a jealousy message to her by dating or hooking up another girl in those early days.
4. Ignore The News of Her Dating Someone New
So what might be the most successful way to cope with your ex girlfriend dating someone new? The last thing you want to do is go hog wild and pick a fight with her. I know your juices will be flowing when you hear about her new dating adventures. But look, she is entitled to date whoever she wants. So ignore it. Otherwise, if you keep thinking about it, obsessing over it, you are going to be really screwed up and guess what? You are going to end up doing something to get her back that will likely sink your ship.
But you are probably thinking, “how in the hell do I ignore something like that. It’s freaking me out”. Simple. Get busy with life and trust that if she truly loves you, she is not going to over extend herself. There is a good chance she is just testing out her feelings and needs to explore things to get properly calibrated.
5. Diffuse the Perceived Leverage She Has On You
Tell her outright that you are jealous. Steal her thunder. Take it away.
By doing so, she will know you care and it could play on her psychologically making her possibly feel guilty when she is with her Ex, potentially stirring up some dust ups and other issues.
The “ex” card now gets played on your competition and he may start getting annoyed at her hesitation. Will this definitely happen. Of course we cannot see into the future, but this approach has more advantages than disadvantages.
6. Ride It Out Because It’s Likely Your Ex Girlfriend is Experiencing a Rebound Relationship With This New Boyfriend
In a lot of these situations when your ex gf gets caught up in the whirlwind of chasing after some new boyfriend, it often has a psychological component. She still has all these feelings of wanting to be loved and to love someone. So she may try to park those feelings with someone else except the problem is that often there is not a fit.
It is you she loved and probably still loves and he is not you.
So the thing is that often after your girlfriend gets more invoked with this new man, she may learn that it’s just not the same thing as being with you. He may not meet her needs. And the harder she tries to deny what may be in the back of her mind….as a little voice that keeps repeating your name…then the greater your pull will be on her.
7. Get Active and Busy So You Don’t Overthink All of This And Do Something Really Stupid!
I sure won’t be promising you that this whole breakup thing is going to be easy. It never is.
And if there is another guy in the picture, it just complicates things. So you are going to have to do some things to get your head straight. I have seen too many guys fall into the quicksand of screw ups when they confronted their ex girlfriend about rumors they heard about her being with someone else.
Even if they are only partly true, just know that the last thing she wants in her life is a big lecture or dose of guilt which you may try to plaster on her. If she is going to feel guilty about what is going on, it better not be something you visibly did to trigger it, otherwise you will be dealing with untold layers of resentment from your ex girlfriend.
8. Employ No Contact And Do Nothing
So does no contact work if your ex is seeing someone else. Actually, often it does. So if the breakup was clean or even nasty and ugly, you more and likely will want to invest some time into what I call the No Contact Principle. Use this time to get yourself better because trust me, you are going to be an emotional mess. In my eBook, Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro, I talk about the no contact rule and how you can use various recover strategies to heal.
You improve your odds when your ex girlfriend can see or hear or read that you have been working on improving yourself, becoming the best version of you. Just seeing pics of you in which you may have lost some weight or have undertaken a new adventure or are now showcasing a new haircut and set of clothes. All these things can prey on her mind and loosen whatever grip this other guy may have on your ex.
5 Ways To Stop Your Ex Girlfriend From Dating and Seeing Other Men
Unlike most other ex recovery plans out there, I am not going to promise you a quick and seamless end to your ex girlfriend’s dating adventures. If she has decided to see and date other men, then it’s likely that if this is a phase or exploratory experience for her, it will take some time to run its course.
So don’t think of some daring plan that will end or sabotage whatever it is that she is up to. The truth is that you may not know for some time whether this a rebound guy she is dating or a grass is greener guy or just a casual date with some dude.
But there are some things you can do to help her find a path back to you, the rightful boyfriend.
There is no order to how these different tactics should be implemented. The point is that each of the approaches that I have outlined can be used for the situation it best fits. Sometimes you can make use of several tactics to accomplish your aim.
1. Recognize First That You Cannot Make Demands On Your Ex Girlfriend About Who She Wants To See
I know it’s tough when it feels like your ex has moved on immediately. All you can think of is that you don’t deserve this. Anger and frustration will rise up in you. The pain and tears may overcome you at times. But you should know that just because your ex girlfriend is now dating someone else right after the breakup does not necessarily signal an end to your chances.
Sometimes girls need to find their way and if you start making unreasonable demands on what they can do and who they can do it with, your setting yourself up for failure. The last thing your ex girlfriend wants to be is controlled.
2. Tell Your Ex Girlfriend You Support Her Decision To Date Other Men If She Springs It On You.
Sometimes you ex girlfriend will test you. She might ask if you have any objection to her going out with someone else. Sometimes she will have someone in mine and out of guilt, she is looking for a green light from you.
Sometimes though, it’s not that at all. Her exploring this topic with you could be to test you to see what you say. It is also possible she is fishing around to see if you are interested in dating other women, so this is her passive aggressive way of finding out if she should be mad at you. I know, it sounds crazy, but women often process and think about things in a different way than you and I.
So while there is no one right way on how to handle this kind of predicament, it’s usually better not to try and block her. But when doing so, make it clear you don’t have any plans to pursue other women as you still have a lot of work to do in the healing department. So essentially, you are employing a bit of reverse psychology. You are being agreeable and not trying to control all her actions and in doing so, you are not falling into any resentment traps.
3. Agree To A No Date Rule
So one way to avoid having to deal with your ex dating someone else is to have the foresight to have come to an understanding that neither of you will contribute to further damaging the relationship by dating anyone else. Of course you cannot insist that she can never pursue a relationship with another guy. Your ex is not your slave and nor are you her captive. But you can both come to an agreement that for the next 30 or 45 days, neither of you will get involved with another partner. Think of it as striking a No Date Pack.
4. Don’t Threaten Your Ex Girlfriend or Belittle Her If she Chooses To See Another Guy
One of the worst ways you can blow up your remaining chances to get her back is to threaten your ex girlfriend or belittle her or make her feel bad about even thinking of another guy. Threatening your ex gf or making fun of her because she is spreading her wings almost always backfires.
It may better serve your interest to use a little reverse psychology. Tell her outright that you know she is exploring the dating scene and while you are uncomfortable with it, it is her decision and you won’t be critical. My point is that its better to turn the other cheek and take the high road.
5. Enlist Help From Your Girlfriend’s Friends To Plant Seeds of Doubt About Her New Boyfriend
Another way to stop your ex girlfriend from being whisked away by some other dude is to plant some seeds of doubt. Now, this has to be done carefully and in most case, not by you.
If you know of some negative things about this other guy, then you may want to enlist some confederates to your cause. What you don’t want to do is to plant a lot of lies and over the top allegations.
That might end up having the opposite of effect of what you are trying to achieve. But you may find there are some little nuggets of uncertainties surrounding this guy and if you can find the right person who your ex girlfriend trusts…and if this person can just let a few things slip out, it might create a wedge of doubt and uncertainty.