Since the dawn of time…
Okay, since February of 2007, when Facebook was founded, people have found ways to use it in ingenious ways. It’s true! Not everyone uses it to update their various acquaintances with filtered pictures of their food and countless pictures of their babies.
I know. It’s shocking!
The need for attention seems so small when you look at what other people have accomplished.
Businesses have launched entire platforms. Parents have used it to check in on their adult biological children after putting them up for adoption as children. Celebrities, athletes, and even whole companies have created closer relationships with their fans. Enterprises such as Game of Thrones and Supernatural have utilized this to improve and take their fans suggestions to the drawing board.
You can do anything with your Social Media. You just have to know what you’re doing.
Luckily for you, you have an entire team of Ex Recovery Pros to keep you from making the wrong moves. And believe me, without us, you are sure to have a few, if not many, missteps along the way.
Common Facebook Mistakes
We all make mistakes. It’s just that when we make them on social media, they are out there for the entire world to see, even your ex and your ex’s friends.
Treating Social Media Like a Journal
Don’t get me wrong, journaling is an effective form of therapy, especially after a breakup. But the reason it works is that it allows you to examine the emotions you are feeling and find reasons behind those feelings and solutions for them on your own.
When you start using social media to purge your emotional baggage, you are removing the self-healing and searching for validation for your feelings from your network.
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It amplifies the feelings instead of helping to heal them.
Not to mention, it is really annoying for anyone reading them. Don’t get me started of how it looks to your ex. But hey, if you want her to see you as needy and pathetic. If you aren’t aware, neither of those are overly attractive traits. Just saying.
Going about life as if nothing happened and your fine can actually work in your favor.
But posting pics of the two of you together and tagging her in them and writing status updates about how much you love her, and liking her posts like it’s your job won’t change the circumstances.
In fact, it will only cement her in her resolve to cut ties more drastically, like removing you from social media too.
I have a lot of people I’ve worked with that are a lot younger on my social media. So, it’s not uncommon for my feed to be filled with someone trash talking their ex, either in a post or to someone else.
While I get that it makes you feel better at the moment if you want her back eventually you are only hurting your case. Even if you don’t want her back, it’s immature and anyone on your friends’ list that you might date will remember you as that immature guy that can’t keep his online self in check.
Just this morning I saw two of these and I literally had a facepalm moment.
Begging when the two of you are alone together already doesn’t work. Doing it in front of the masses is doubly ineffective. The one thing it does accomplish is making you look like a kid throwing a tantrum in a toy store. It’s just inadvisable on all counts. Avoid at all cost.
Reaching Out to Old Flames
I get it.
We are all vulnerable after a breakup and need some reassurance that someone still wants us. Reaching out to an ex, especially one who still wanted to be with you when you split, is just insensitive.
And believe me, if she was into you and you hit her up for any reason, the entire world will know by lunch. If you need to feel confident, hit the gym and go out with friends. Don’t mess with someone’s emotions. That’s a surefire way to end up with drama. I assure you she won’t want to come back to that.
I am just having the greatest day ever! Life couldn’t possibly be better! I am the happiest I’ve ever been!
Assuming your friends aren’t idiots, they’ll know what’s going on here. If they’re as awesome as my besties, they’ll call you on it via text rather than putting you on blast in a public forum like Facebook.
Your ex isn’t falling for it either. So, just rein it in buddy. Subtlety is your best friend right now.
Don’t Drag Friends Into It
One of the crappiest things you can do is tell your friends they have to choose sides, especially if you and your ex ran in the same circles. Second to that is to talk trash about your ex and then pick fights with the people who comment. Again I say, stirring up drama only makes you look childish and immature. It’s unattractive.
Don’t Be Cryptic
Throwing shade is something hormonal teenage girls do. Posting vague lyrics and posts that are most definitely about someone is just silly. By now you are probably catching my drift. You are not a child. You are not Taylor Swift. You are not some emo kid whos just feeling the feels to get attention. You are an adult. Even if you are still in your teens, grow the heck up.
Advertising Your Stalking
I don’t think stalking your ex is good for you in any capacity. But pretty much everyone gives in to the urge. That doesn’t make it okay though. It usually only causes problems by stirring up emotions and causing you to overreact. Or worse, you slip up and like a post you aren’t supposed to be looking at.
So, if you can’t bring yourself to stop checking in on her, at least don’t point out that you are.
No liking or sharing her posts (or her new guy if she happens to be dating.)
No talking to people about the things she is up to. I’ve known many a man to slip up and mention one of their exes new activities to someone and basically start a social media war. It’s not pretty.
Your best bet is to stay off her social media altogether.
Using Facebook Effectively
Like I said, though. Everyone gives in at some point, even your ex. Lucky for you I can lay out several ways that you can turn your own Social Media into a weapon drawing your ex back in. The key here is subtlety. Note that almost all of the no-no’s above were overt and in-your-face type mistakes. The key here is to make small calculated moves that reflect better on you.
Have you ever been job hunting and done that “Social Media Clean-Up” that is pretty much a requirement these days? I used to do the hiring at a Golf Club and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that the first thing we did upon receiving an application was to investigate the applicant’s Facebook page.
The reason is that most people assume that, simply because it’s not ethical hiring practice, we aren’t able to use the information on their social media when weighing their qualifications. However, the way they present themselves online will also end up being the way they represent the company.
Your Facebook works the same way.
I once had someone asked me how many hours I worked for my employers a day. The answer was 8-12 depending on the day. Then she asked me how many hours I worked for myself. I was baffled. I had never thought about it.
When you put yourself out there, a great big mess, that isn’t for your benefit. Well, you might think it is. But what does it actually accomplish?
It makes you look childish and immature. How could that possibly help anyone?
Before you make any changes to your profile or your pages, be sure to go to settings and make it some Facebook isn’t reporting every single change to everyone on your friends’ list.
You can do this by going to SETTINGS > PRIVACY > WHO CAN SEE MY STUFF
You’re going to change two things.
The first is under WHO CAN SEE MY FUTURE POSTS
Change it to Only Me
The second is under LIMIT THE AUDIENCE FOR OLD POSTS ON YOUR TIMELINE
Click LIMIT MY OLD POSTS
This will keep everyone from seeing all the changes we are about to make.
Remove all Traces
So, as I mentioned before take some time and clean up all of the fallout you’ve already put out there.
Luckily, social media tends to shift peoples’ focus shifted quite quickly. So, even if they have noticed, they’ll likely move onto something else. Consider the clean up to be a partial redirection.
Only those that are truly invested in the situation will pay enough attention to bring it up.
New Profile Pics
Get cleaned up. Go out with friends. Snag a few pics. Snag a hundred pics. Pick a good one and replace that one of you and her that’s been your profile pic forever. It’s like a makeover for your profile except your making it easier to get on and not be reminded of her constantly.
It will make it easier on you and make you come off as if you’re keeping it together, even if you aren’t.
Interact With The Ladies
This one sounds fun right?
If someone, especially a girl, comments on a picture or a status, interact with them pleasantly. You can even be a little flirty…. a LITTLE.
These days you flirt even a little bit with a guy and you end up getting unsolicited nudes.
You want to be subtle, rust me. If someone tells you that you look handsome, saying “thank you, pretty lady.”
That’s it. nothing overt just something small.
I have this one friend and he can’t get a girl to stick around to save his life. Meaning, he is in constant breakup phase. He does EVERYTHING wrong. Seriously, all of the mistakes I listed earlier, he does ALL of them. One of the things he does, to get his exes back I presume, is to bombard every female interaction on his page with over-the-top flirting.
This comes off as majorly needy on his part.The trick is to flirt without
The trick is to flirt without an endgame. Your actual goal here is to leave tiny clues that you are getting on with your life even if you aren’t. Just in case she stops by.
I am sure you have heard stories about women over reacting to their boyfriend or their ex flirting with someone. Only to hear later that all it was was simply because of an innocent interaction with a girl at the gym or a comment online.
So, it won’t take much to make her think you are flirting. Trust me.
This one is a go-to for most people. At first, your ex will wonder if the sudden interest in getting fit and healthy is for her benefit. But if you keep going without pointing it out to her, she’ll begin to wonder if it might be for someone else. Even if you are mostly over someone, if you once considered them to be yours, it’s hard to even think about them with someone else.
Optional Full Delete Button
You don’t have to do this, but clearing your social media of all pictures with your ex. Beleive me she is watching and that is a HUGE kick to the ego. Should stir up some Sherlock sized curiosity and most like some jealousy too.
Post Your Heart Out
Go out with friends and do stuff. Don’t just sit at home.
- Hit the Gym
- Go to Parties
- Plan Outings
- Spend Time With Family
- Go On Adventures
And TAKE PICTURES! This is the clutch. Don’t over-do it and post a million, just enough to make it known that you’re having a good time.
Update Your Profiles
Make your profiles more attractive. Update your hobbies and your bios. Find clean looking backgrounds to pull it all together. This isn’t necessary, of course. But it will give off the idea that you are getting you life together, fixing issues and what not. Anytime a woman sees her ex becoming a better man she starts to rethink the breakup.
And if you haven’t already, change your relationship status so that it isn’t visible. This creates a bit of a mystery. Are you seeing someone new? No one knows!
Go Get Em Slugger
I know I know. It all seems so simple! Subtlety remember?!
Just don’t forget to go back in and reset your viewer settings to friends, otherwise, no one will see your changes. Then you just did all this for nothing. So, yeah. Don’t forget that.
These are al surefire ways to peak your ex’s jealousy and possibly make her even reconsider the split. If you havn’t gone through No Contact, I can’t think of a better time to do all of this, namely because that old saying is so very true.
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
And I will add… “And more curious.”
Go Do Big Things!