By Chris Seiter

Published on May 23rd, 2024

You never know what your ex may say or do and one particularly tricky situation is when your ex invites you over for breakfast, lunch or even dinner.

This invitation can stir up a multitude of emotions and questions:

What are their motives? Should I go? How should I act if I do?

Understanding the nuances of this situation is key to making a decision that aligns with your emotional well-being and future goals.  So let’s take a deeper dive into what your ex’s intentions are and how you might go about proceeding!

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Understanding Your Ex’s Motivations When They Ask You Out For Lunch or Breakfast or Dinner

Before deciding whether to accept or decline the invitation, it’s essential to consider why your ex might be inviting you over. Here are some possible motivations:

  1. Seeking Closure: They might want to discuss unresolved issues to gain closure.
  2. Testing the Waters: They could be trying to see if there’s a possibility for rekindling the relationship.
  3. Friendship: They might genuinely want to transition into a platonic friendship.
  4. Guilt or Remorse: They might feel guilty about how things ended and want to apologize.
  5. Loneliness: They could be feeling lonely and miss the companionship.
  6. Curiosity: They might be curious about how you’re doing and what’s new in your life.
  7. Mutual Interests: They might want to discuss shared interests or projects.
  8. Confusion: They could be confused about their feelings and want to sort them out.
  9. Celebration: They might have some good news they want to share with you.
  10. Habit: It could simply be out of habit, as you were once a big part of their life.
  11. Practical Reasons: There might be practical matters they want to discuss, like shared assets or responsibilities.
  12. Social Pressure: They might feel pressured by mutual friends or family to show that things ended amicably.

12 Reasons to Accept the Invitation

If you decide to accept the invitation, it’s crucial to do so with clear intentions and boundaries. Here are twelve reasons why you might consider accepting:

  1. Seeking Closure: If you need closure and believe that meeting will help you move on.
  2. Open to Friendship: If you’re open to transitioning into a platonic friendship and believe this meeting could help.
  3. Curiosity: If you’re curious about their current situation and believe it will not negatively affect your emotional state.
  4. Mutual Interests: If you have shared interests or projects that are best discussed in person.
  5. Apologies and Forgiveness: If you think an apology or the act of forgiving will help you heal.
  6. Emotional Preparedness: If you feel emotionally prepared to face them without rekindling old feelings.
  7. Genuine Desire to Reconnect: If you genuinely want to reconnect and see if there’s a possibility of starting anew.
  8. Shared Responsibilities: If you need to discuss shared responsibilities like children or property.
  9. Celebratory Reasons: If they have significant news to share and you’re comfortable sharing in their joy.
  10. Social Pressure: If it helps to ease social tensions among mutual friends or family.
  11. Curiosity About Changes: If you’re curious to see how they’ve changed and grown.
  12. Personal Growth: If you believe this meeting will contribute to your personal growth and understanding of relationships.

Guidelines for Accepting the Invitation

If you decide to meet, follow these guidelines to ensure a positive and constructive interaction:

  1. Set Clear Boundaries: Be clear about what topics are off-limits and how long you’re willing to stay.
  2. Meet in a Neutral Location: Prefer a public place over their or your home to maintain emotional distance.
  3. Stay Objective: Keep the conversation light and avoid delving into emotional or contentious topics.
  4. Have an Exit Strategy: Plan an excuse to leave if things become uncomfortable.
  5. Stay Sober: Avoid alcohol or other substances that could impair your judgment.
  6. Keep It Brief: Limit the time of the meeting to avoid rekindling old feelings.
  7. Prepare Mentally: Mentally prepare yourself for any possible outcomes of the meeting.
  8. Stay Calm and Composed: Keep your emotions in check and avoid getting drawn into past conflicts.
  9. Listen Actively: Listen to what they have to say without interrupting or getting defensive.
  10. Be Honest: Be honest about your intentions and feelings during the conversation.
  11. Keep Expectations Low: Don’t expect too much from the meeting; it might just be a casual catch-up.
  12. Have Support Ready: Arrange to talk to a friend or therapist after the meeting to process your emotions.

7 Reasons Not to Accept the Invitation

While there are valid reasons to consider meeting your ex, there are also strong reasons to decline the invitation:

  1. Emotional Unpreparedness: If you’re still emotionally raw and seeing them might reopen old wounds.
  2. Moving On: If you’re in the process of moving on and believe meeting will set you back.
  3. Manipulative Motives: If you suspect their motives are manipulative or self-serving.
  4. Unresolved Anger: If you still harbor unresolved anger or resentment that might erupt during the meeting.
  5. Current Relationship: If you’re in a new relationship and meeting your ex could cause complications.
  6. Boundary Violation: If you’ve established a No Contact rule and this meeting would violate that.
  7. Risk of Rekindling: If you fear that meeting them might rekindle old feelings and cause confusion.

Example Responses for Declining

Declining the invitation respectfully can help maintain dignity and prevent hurt feelings. Here are some examples:

  • “Thank you for the invite, but I’m not in a place where I can meet right now. I hope you understand.”
  • “I appreciate the thought, but I think it’s best for both of us to keep our distance for now.”
  • “I’m focusing on moving forward, and meeting might complicate things for me. I hope you respect my decision.”
  • Thank you for reaching out, but I need more time to heal before we can meet up.
  • I’m glad you want to clear things up, but I’m not ready for a face-to-face conversation at this moment.
  • “I appreciate the gesture, but I think it’s best for both of us to continue our separate paths for now.”
  • “I hope you understand that I need to prioritize my emotional well-being, and meeting might be too difficult for me right now.”

The Expert’s Corner – Insights From Chris Seiter

  1. Why is my ex inviting me over for breakfast/lunch?
    • They might be seeking closure, testing the waters for a possible reconciliation, wanting to transition to friendship, or simply feeling lonely.
  2. Should I accept the invitation if I still have feelings for my ex?
    • Consider whether meeting will help you gain closure or if it will reignite old feelings, making it harder to move on.
  3. Is it possible to stay friends with an ex?
    • It depends on both parties’ emotional maturity and the reasons for the breakup. Clear boundaries and mutual respect are essential.
  4. What should I talk about if I accept the invitation?
    • Keep the conversation light and positive. Avoid delving into past grievances or emotional topics.
  5. How should I prepare for the meeting?
    • Mentally prepare yourself by setting boundaries, having an exit strategy, and ensuring you’re emotionally ready.
  6. What if my ex wants to get back together?
    • Reflect on the reasons for the breakup and consider whether the issues have been resolved and if reconciliation is truly what you want.
  7. How do I decline the invitation without hurting their feelings?
    • Be respectful and honest about your reasons for not meeting. Emphasize your need to prioritize your emotional well-being.
  8. Can meeting my ex help with closure?
    • It can, if both parties are respectful and honest. However, closure can also be achieved independently without meeting.
  9. What if my ex becomes emotional during the meeting?
    • Stay calm and composed. Acknowledge their feelings but avoid getting drawn into emotional or contentious discussions.
  10. Should I inform my current partner about the meeting?
    • Transparency is important. Inform your current partner and discuss any concerns they might have.
  11. How long should the meeting last?
    • Keep it brief to avoid rekindling old feelings or becoming emotionally overwhelmed. An hour or less is usually sufficient.
  12. Is it okay to bring a friend for support?
    • If it makes you feel more comfortable and your ex agrees, bringing a friend can provide emotional support and help maintain boundaries.
  13. What if the meeting doesn’t go as planned?
    • Have an exit strategy and be prepared to leave if the conversation becomes uncomfortable or unproductive.
  14. How do I move forward after the meeting?
    • Reflect on the conversation, process your emotions, and seek support from friends or a therapist if needed. Continue focusing on your personal growth and healing.



Disclosure: I am the Author and Creator of this content. My aim is to provide you with original, well structured and authoritative content about this ex recovery topic utilizing my experience and expertise. I have endeavored to produce content that is high quality, relevant, informative, accurate, and reliable. In doing so, I have used an AI tool to some extent to assist me in generating useful content for my readers. This assistance may include topic research, the development of outline structures, phraseology for titles and headings, content curation, narrative expansion, grammar usage, and optimizing readability. All of this is done for the purpose of adding value to the post that I have produced. I personally “proof” every quality post I write for accuracy, completeness, textual flow, fine-tuning purposes, inclusion of relevant media, and inclusion of helpful internal links to further assist the reader. I do not allow for any clutter that would distract from my content or confuse my readers.

Signed By Yours Truly, Chris Seiter, Founder of Ex Boyfriend & Ex Girlfriend Recovery.	

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