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I’m Scared my Ex Will Find Someone Else

I’m Scared my Ex Will Find Someone Else

It’s hard to believe, but eventually, when we look back on our lives, our past relationships are only small chapters in what is, hopefully, a long book. This breakup that you are going through which is so painful is temporary and someday, will only be a distant memory.

That’s not to diminish what you are feeling – I know all too well the pain of heartbreak. But I hope that in some way, it gives you comfort to know that this pain that you are feeling is fleeting.

The fact of the matter is, all relationships that you enter will end. Either you will break up, or one of you will die. It may sound stupid or a little harsh, but if you look at the hard reality of it, that is the truth. Since the majority of your relationships will end with a breakup, that always means getting back out there, meeting new people, and beginning new relationships. That goes for both you and your ex girlfriend.

I know that is the last thing you want to think about right now. In fact, the thought of it people makes you feel sick to your stomach. But it is because it is such a common fear that we are going to talk about the possibility of your ex girlfriend could find somebody else. And, of course, what to do about it.

 

The Fear

This is one of the most common fears that people have after a breakup. They worry that their ex is going to move on right away. It is important to keep in mind that while your ex may move on physically right away, it is very unlikely that they will move on emotionally right away.

This is especially true for women.

Unless your ex girlfriend left you for another person, it is very unlikely that she will move on to another person – physically or emotionally.

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Some time ago, I wrote an article for Ex Girlfriend Recovery titled “Will My Ex Girlfriend Sleep With Someone Else?”

As mentioned in that article, I polled the women of the Ex Recovery support group to get their thoughts.

The majority of women are picky about who they choose as sexual partners. And from what I know of women, they are even pickier about who they hand their heart to in the context of a relationship.

So, as I said before, unless your ex girlfriend began another relationship while with you, or left you to begin another relationship, it is unlikely she will move on so quickly.

Women react to breakups differently than men do: We may feel our emotions much more intensely in the direct aftermath of a breakup, but after some time, we try to channel our sadness into something useful. We indulge in self care, and try to learn how to love ourselves again. We mourn our breakup fully and then work to get over it, so we can move on 100% into our next relationship with out massive amounts of baggage.

I say all this to reassure you that, in general, women tend to move on at a slower pace than men do, both physically and emotionally, of course there are exceptions. This gives you the upper hand when implementing Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro tactics. It is likely she’ll be trying to heal from the breakup for some time.

But of course, as previously mentioned, there are exceptions to rules. So, as painful as it may be, we are going to delve into the real possibility that your ex does indeed move on to someone else.

 

The Exception

Maybe she cheated. Maybe she already had her next boyfriend lined up. Maybe she jumped into dating right away after the breakup. Whatever the reason, she’s with someone else now, and she has left you feeling absolutely heartbroken. So what does this mean, and what can you do about it?

Your ex has moved on, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t still think about you or miss you. On the contrary, your ex likely thinks about you frequently. It may be because of this that she has jumped into another relationship so quickly. We women are stubborn, and can have a hard time admitting when we’re wrong, or that we’ve made a mistake. Another guy can act as a distraction if we don’t want to face our complicated or conflicting feelings.

First, we are going to talk about the concept of rebound relationships. If your ex wasn’t involved with her new guy before the breakup, I feel like I can say with certainty, that your ex girlfriend is in a rebound relationship.

What does this mean? Your ex may be lonely, or horny, or she may be convinced that the best way to fully get over you is to go out and start dating again. They do say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. I have mixed feelings about this.

And, of course, here comes the Buffy reference.

In season 6 of Buffy, two unlikely characters, Anya and Spike, hook up, both trying to move on from the people who broke their hearts.

“You know I’m only doing this ’cause I’m lonely and I’m drunk and you smell good.” -Anya, “Entropy”

They are hurting, drunk, lonely, and trying to find comfort in another person to dull the pain of their heartbreak. It is not an uncommon response.

When a breakup occurs, the other person leaves a void in your life – no matter who broke up with whom. Loneliness can set in, and the consequences of the choice begin to become more clear. Frequently when a relationship ends, you are not only losing your romantic interest or sex partner, but you are also losing your best friend. That’s a big loss. Sometimes, people are so overwhelmed by that loss that they jump to try to fill the void as quickly as possible – a rebound relationship.

The thing is, people are so desperate to fill that void, that the quality of the person who they choose honestly doesn’t matter all that much.

After such a loss, people aren’t really looking to find their next life partner. Instead, they are looking to find ANY partner.

I also think people tend to overcorrect, which can lead to trouble. My college boyfriend was kind of a loser. Sweet, but not very driven (he ended up dropping out shortly after we broke up). He didn’t know how to communicate his emotions in a logical, effective way, and he sucked at making plans – he didn’t believe in calendars, so when he missed his surgery, it was my fault for not writing it down and remembering. Charming lad, really.

But I digress. After we broke up, I overcorrected. I started dating an extremely goal-oriented guy. He was the most brilliant man I had ever met, and he was ambitious. He had all the things my college ex lacked. But he was also emotionally shut off a lot of the time, not as sweet, and kind of selfish. His goals were so important to him that our relationship frequently took a backseat.

I think this is fairly common. People tend to go for the polar opposite, when really, the right person for you is going to be somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. If your ex’s new guy seems to be the polar opposite of you, it could be an over correction situation.

Don’t fear. If your ex girlfriend is in the midst of a true rebound relationship, there is no way it will last. However, that doesn’t mean that you can just sit back and do nothing. There is still some work that needs to be done on the re-attraction and being there fronts, which brings me to the steps you need to take if your ex is rebounding with someone else.

 

The Steps to Take

It doesn’t matter how your ex ended up with another person. What matters is that she is with someone else, and you still want her back. I know it may feel like an absolutely impossible task, but have faith. It isn’t as impossible as it seems.

In the Facebook group, I see ex’s come back to men and women all the time, even after they have had other relationships. In fact, being in other relationships helped their partner to realize how much they loved, missed, and appreciated their ex. So please keep in mind that having an ex who is in a rebound relationship can sometimes work in your favor.

The first step is to take care of yourself first and foremost. Take the necessary time to grieve, and indulge in some sadness. But then pick yourself back up and find the determination that will drive you through the ex recovery process.

The No Contact Rule will be your best friend.

You see, No Contact works in a number of ways:

  • It gives you time and space to cool down and process your feelings regarding the relationship and breakup
  • It gives you time to focus on self improvement..
  • It gives her a chance to miss you.

So during your No Contact period, do things you’ve always wanted to do, but never could find the time. Go back to old hobbies and friendships that got neglected once you entered your relationships. Do things that fulfill you. In addition, No Contact works as a re-attraction period. You can also start addressing some things that maybe your ex didn’t like about you, and post about it INDIRECTLY on social media.

I say indirectly because it’s important that it not be obvious that you are trying to get her attention. It needs to be as much for you as it is for her, if not more so.

Your ex girlfriend isn’t going to come running back if she knows you home crying and lamenting the relationship the two of you had together.

She knows she can have you at that point. No, your ex will want to come running back when she sees how well you are doing without her. It may make her question if you need her at all, which will begin to eat away at her. If she starts seeing all of the little changes you’re making, the re-attraction spark could be ignited, and she may start to wonder why she let you go in the first place.

Embrace the No Contact rule. I know it sounds scary to cut off contact cold turkey, but I promise that every success story has successful implemented the No Contact rule, and made huge personal strides as they moved through their 21,30, or 45 days. Self improvement and gaining emotional clarity are the two essential cornerstones of No Contact.

The other tool that is important to use if your ex is in another relationship is the Being There method. This can be dicey as you do not want to allow yourself to be put too far in the friend-zone. But the best way you can implement being there is to remain in your ex girlfriend’s life in a way that makes her new boyfriend nervous. Emotional intimacy is a huge component of romantic relationships, but also close friendships. If you can remain in a position with your ex girlfriend where she still trusts you and is emotionally intimate with you, you are in a good position within Being There. This also works because the more present you are in your ex’s life, the more insecure her new guy is going to start getting, and that will slowly begin to impact their relationship. Work on nurturing your relationship with your ex girlfriend and remain in her inner circle of trust so that her trust levels in you rise, and her boyfriend’s decrease.

The Being There method can be very difficult to implement as it requires having a cool head and a lot of patience. That is why completing a successful No Contact period is so essential before getting back into contact with your ex girlfriend.

 

Moving On

Yes, it is possible that your ex girlfriend may move on, but do keep in mind that it generally takes women a bit longer to get to that moving on stage, and we tend to be pretty picky about who we sleep with, and even pickier about who we choose to date.

And even if your ex girlfriend does move on, there is a high probability that it is a rebound relationship, and getting her back is not impossible.

The No Contact rule and the Being There Method can be your best friends if your ex girlfriend does enter a new relationship, but please remember that having emotional control is paramount.

And, in closing, I bring you back to the idea that I began this article with. This breakup is but a chapter in your life. Will your ex find someone else? Maybe. But the good news is, so can you. But like I said, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try and get her back if that is what you truly want.

So, now that you know that it isn’t impossible and you are armed with a few tools to get your ex back, let’s talk about your breakup. Give me a little information in the comments below and we will discuss what you need to do moving forward and what your next steps are to getting your ex back.

I want to know:

  1. The details of your breakup.
  2. What you have done since you and your ex split.
  3. And, after reading this article, what you think your next step should be.

Let’s go!