Have you ever had someone you love more than anything in the world ignore you?
I have and let me tell you that it sucks.
To this day I can’t think of a more helpless feeling than sending a text message or calling your significant other and being ignored on purpose.
There is this sense of desperation that overcomes you and it motivates your every move. Instead of leaving it at just one missed text or phone call you up the count to thirty and it’s almost like someone else is controlling your actions.
I imagine you know the feeling when it comes to your ex girlfriend, huh?
Well, today I am going to open your eyes a bit about how the mind of a woman works. More specifically, I am going to let you in on why your ex girlfriend is ignoring you or avoiding you on purpose. Of course, in addition to that I will also be giving you a game plan on what to do going forward if you are currently in a situation where you are being ignored or avoided.
First though, lets talk about why your ex girlfriend is ignoring you.
Why Does My Ex Girlfriend Ignore Me?
I can’t tell you how many times I get this question on a daily basis from desperate men out there.
Actually… I think I can.
Give me a moment please.
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Ok, I went through the emails and comments from yesterday and I received this question in some way, shape or form twelve times. So, if twelve is my daily average of receiving this question then that means that this question is asked a total of 4,380 to me every single year by 4,380 different men.
Now, I don’t know about you but to me that is a lot.
So, if you are one of these 4,380 men wondering why your ex girlfriend is ignoring or avoiding you allow me to tell you what I tell every one of these men.
There are literally hundreds of little reasons she could be ignoring you.
Now, since I am such a stand up guy I am going to give you in-depth analysis of the most common reasons your ex girlfriend may have for ignoring you.
Reason 1- She Is Angry At You
Anger is a pretty strong emotion and it could be fueling her reasoning for ignoring you.
What does your ex girlfriend have to be angry about?
Well, for starters the two of you just broke up and many experts say that going through a breakup is sometimes worse than losing a job and if any of you have lost a job when you absolutely needed money then you will understand the pain that goes along with that.
Of course, usually women focus in on something specific that you did wrong during the breakup and remain angry at that.
For example, if your ex girlfriend walked in on you and her sister in bed then she is absolutely going to have all the motivation she could ever need to stay angry at you and ignore you. Another common thing that I know women get angry about is something you said about them during a heated argument or fight.
Lets say that during the breakup you and your ex girlfriend got into a massive fight and during a very heated moment you called her fat (even though she isn’t.) Well, this little comment made by you during this fight stuck with her and she never forgot about it.
In fact, she became so furious about it that she vowed to never talk to you again.
(Don’t worry, I am going to show you how to overcome this a little bit later.)
Reason 2- You Became The “Crazy Ex Boyfriend.”
Desperation does some funny things to people.
I have heard some of the craziest stories about exes you can imagine.
One time there was this guy that became so desperate to get his ex back that he crashed her wedding and tried to break it up.
(FYI he failed.)
The last thing you want to do is to be viewed as the “crazy ex boyfriend.” You have heard those types of stories I am sure. You know, the ones where the crazy ex boyfriend stalks the ex girlfriend until she has to take out a restraining order.
If your ex girlfriend views you as that crazy ex then that could be a motivating factor in her attempts to ignore and avoid you.
What are the classic signs of a “crazy ex boyfriend?”
I am glad you asked.
There are generally three ingredients to a crazy ex so you want to make sure you avoid these at all costs,
- He becomes a texting and calling terrorist.
- He will do things that can be considered stalking.
- He will be emotional to the point of being viewed as unstable.
Now, understanding “the crazy ex boyfriend” traits are very important because they all contribute to why your ex could potentially be avoiding you.
Below, I am going to dive a little bit deeper into the traits.
One- He Becomes A Texting And Calling Terrorist
You are a guy right?
(Well, I am assuming you are.)
Have you ever had a girl that was head over heels for you to the point where it was kind of creepy.
I have and let me tell you that it is not very fun. Sure, as men we all like to feel admired by the opposite sex but there is a point where it can become too much. I once had a girl harass me because I wouldn’t respond to her. Seriously, our conversations would look like this,
Ok, so clearly this girl has some issues.
I like to reserve a special spot for these type of people. I like to call them texting or calling terrorists.
What is a text/call terrorist?
I am glad you asked.
Text/Call Terrorist- Someone who bombards you with an insane amount of text messages or phone calls in desperation or for any other reason.
Probably the craziest example of a texting or calling terrorist I can think of has to be a story of a woman in the picture below,
Apparently, some nutty Dutch woman called her ex boyfriend a total of 65,000 times a year.
Now, to put this in perspective that is 178 phone calls a day. To minimize even further that is seven calls an hour.
Can you imagine that?
Seven phone calls an hour for an entire year?
That is insane.
What is the point I am trying to get at here?
DON’T HARASS YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND AND BECOME A TEXTING/CALLING TERRORIST.
Two- He Will Do Things That Can Be Considered Stalking
Apparently, the crazy Dutch woman in the story above got arrested for stalking but that isn’t really what I am getting at here.
Though, I will admit that if you call your ex that much you should be arrested for stupidity AND stalking.
When I personally think of stalking I get this specific picture in my head. It’s a creepy looking guy that just follows one specific person around without being seen.
This pretty much sums up the picture I get in my head,
Anyways, if you show up at your ex girlfriends house unannounced and uninvited multiple times then congratulations you are the stalker guy pictured in the gif above.
Three- He Is Perceived As Emotionally/Mentally Unstable
Unstable scare me to death.
Some people say they are creepy..
No, they aren’t creepy they are flat out scary.
You want some examples of emotionally/mentally unstable people?
- Hitler- Mass murdered 11 MILLION people.
- Batman Shooter (Not Even Worth Mentioning This Guys Name)- I am sure you remember the day the Dark Knight Rises came out in theaters and some nut ball went in with a machine gun and shot people.
- Columbine Shooters- Two mentally unstable young men go into school one day and essentially start a massacre.
Now, these are very extreme examples.
In fact, some would argue that they are the most extreme examples of unstable people. However, I gave you extreme examples on purpose so your mind would immediately jump there. Look, you know as well as I do that mentally/emotionally unstable people aren’t attractive, they are scary as hell.
So, if your ex girlfriend perceives you as emotionally or mentally unstable then you have a serious problem because she put you in the unstable category with the people mentioned above.
What constitutes you as being perceived as emotionally and mentally unstable?
Imagine for a moment that it is me instead of you trying to get your ex girlfriend back (in other words you and I switch places for the day.)
Lets say that I call your ex girlfriend like crazy, I show up unannounced, I threaten to hurt myself if she doesn’t cooperate and the list just goes on and on.
That Type Of Behavior = Emotionally/Mentally Unstable
Reason Three- She Is Trying To Move On By Cutting You Out
This is the reason you really didn’t want to hear, huh?
I know, I know, it sucks to even think about this possibility but it is a possibility so I can’t leave it out.
As many of my informed readers know this isn’t the only self help relationship website I own. In fact, I also own another website called Ex Boyfriend Recovery in which I help women try to get back with their exes. Well, sometimes when women get fed up with their exes they decide that they want to move on with their lives instead of being hurt all the time by an unresponsive ex boyfriend.
These types of women often ask me what I think the best/fastest way is for them to move on.
My response is pretty simple!
Cut your ex out of your life entirely.
Of course, I don’t have first movers status on this idea at all. In fact, I wasn’t even close to the second person to have this epiphany about moving on. No, there are a lot of capable people out there that can come to this conclusion on their own.
So, it could be possible that your ex girlfriend is ready to move on from you entirely and that is why she is ignoring or avoiding you.
A Bit Of Good News With This
I imagine some of you going into panic mode wondering thoughts like,
“What if my ex is moving on from me and that is why she is ignoring me?”
In my experience, in helping people with relationships for three years I have learned that it is extremely hard for people to cut their exes out of their life entirely. Only a select few can do it successfully and guess what, yours truly couldn’t do it during his first breakup.
Yep, I even failed at this during my very first breakup.
So, the odds are in your favor that your ex girlfriend won’t be able to move on from you by cutting you out of her life entirely.
What To Do If Your Ex Girlfriend Is Ignoring Or Avoiding You
Now that we understand the main reasons for why your ex girlfriend may ignore you lets shift our focus to what you need to be doing to prevent that from happening. Now, in my book, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO, I go through a specific set of steps that you have to follow in order to get your ex girlfriend to NOT ignore you.
Here is a quick peek at those steps,
Step One- Flip The Script With No Contact
Step Two- Successfully Make Contact With Your Ex (Post NC)
Now, before I move on I do want to state that the purpose of this entire article is to simply take you from this point,
To this point,
In other words, if you follow the advice laid out on this page you will most likely move from your ex girlfriend ignoring you to her not ignoring you. However, if you want her back in your life permanently there is a lot more you have to do than to just regain her attention.
If you want those specific steps I recommend checking out my E-Book,
Ok, now that we have that out of the way lets take a look at how the three steps above can help you regain your exes attention.
Step One- Flip The Script With No Contact
Right now your ex girlfriend is ignoring you (on purpose) and you are kind of freaking out about it.
Hey, don’t worry I totally get it.
I have been through my fair share of experiences in which someone I really care for ignored me on purpose and let me tell you it is a very disheartening feeling. Seriously, there are moments where you just want to scream at the top of your lungs at how unfair your love life is.
I have a fun question for you.
What do you think happens to most men when an ex girlfriend they really want to talk to ignores them on purpose?
They become super desperate and turn into those calling and texting terrorists that I mentioned above.
Women kind of get a kick out of it too when a man does this.
I am always telling the women over on my other site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery, that men are the ones that crave admiration but the truth is that human beings in general love to feel admired and the last time I checked human beings also included women.
I mean, ask any woman what she would like more,
Option A- A man who makes her feel loved and admired?
Option B- A man who doesn’t?
Pretty much all women are going to say that they prefer option A.
So, why is it that woman are constantly chasing the guys that don’t make them feel loved or admired?
Well, it’s because they think that eventually a guy is going to change and show them the admiration and love they feel they deserve.
And therein lies the point.
An underlying reason that your ex girlfriend could potentially be ignoring you is that she knows it will illicit a reaction from you. She understands that no one likes being ignored and that you may be upset and go crazy. She is hoping that it will draw out that admiration and love that she so desperately wants.
How To Turn The Tables On Her
Lets assume for a minute that the following scenario occurs,
You and your ex girlfriend just broke up. She initiated it citing that you really never show any emotion towards her anymore. It’s essentially a loveless relationship to her. Of course, you are absolutely furious and don’t want the breakup. So, as the days pass you keep trying to text and call her. Unfortunately for you she is completely ignoring you.
How do you overcome this?
It’s funny, this scenario reminds me of a funny story a buddy of mine once told me.
You see, his girlfriend and him were fighting over something really stupid (for the life of me I can’t remember.) So, she decided that it would be a good idea to ignore him while she was at work. Now, my friend (who worked from home) was absolutely furious that he decided to one up her by not being there when she showed up at home.
In his mind she would come home, feel horrible about the whole situation and apologize profusely to him.
He told me he spent the whole day just going out and having fun. He treated himself to a man day so to speak. He went to the movies, ate at a nice restaurant and by the end of the day, when he felt enough time had passed, he decided to come home.
Now, my buddy knew his girlfriend usually got home at 5:30 PM so he didn’t come home until 6:30PM when he knew for a fact that she would be there wallowing in her own misery.
What happened next in the story made quite the impression on me.
He said he came home and SHE wasn’t there.
As a result, my buddy ended up apologizing to HER.
Now, what ended up happening was that when his girlfriend came home and realized he wasn’t there she decided to go out and spend some time on herself which essentially crushed my friend. You see, my buddy was sure that when he came home he was going to teach his girlfriend a lesson and she was going to apologize to him. I
Instead, it was him who got the lesson.
Your situation with your ex girlfriend is probably a lot like that. Your ex is trying to teach you a lesson by ignoring you so she is going to have a similar expectation that my friend had about his girlfriend. She is going to think to herself,
“He is definitely going to show me so much attention when I ignore him that I will be swimming in admiration.”
In other words, the expectation that you are going to be like every other guy in the world is there.
So, if you can overcome that expectation and do the opposite of what she is expecting all of a sudden it will be her who starts to rethink things and realize the mistake she has made.
She Ignores You… You Ignore Her Right Back
In my E-Book, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO, I recommend something I like to call the no contact rule.
If you don’t know what that is then let me make it easy for you.
What your ex girlfriend is doing to you right now, ignoring you. Well, it is essentially doing that to her for a specific period of time.
I recommend the 21 day no contact rule for general situations. However, if you want more advice on what length of time you should use when you implement the no contact rule I recommend reading my book or checking out this article.
Step Two- Successfully Make Contact With Your Ex Girlfriend (Post NC)
If you are successful in your attempt to turn the tables on your ex girlfriend then congratulations, you have completed the first step of the process.
Step one (turning the tables on your ex) was all about putting her in a frame of mind where she is wanting to hear for you or wanting to message you. While this is essentially in making her not ignore you it doesn’t necessarily mean that she will stop ignoring you. No, it just means that she probably doesn’t want to anymore.
Step two is all about successfully making contact with your ex girlfriend.
Now, when I say,
“Successfully making contact with your ex girlfriend”
What do you think I mean?
What constitutes success?
Well, if you have read this far down on the page then I am assuming that your ex girlfriend is currently ignoring or avoiding you. That means that whenever you do reach out to her via a text message or a phone call she isn’t responding or picking up.
Probably because she isn’t really looking forward to your text messages or phone calls.
This is why step one (turning the tables on her) is so essential.
It basically primes her so that she is looking forward to your text messages or phone calls.
In other words,
Step two cannot successfully occur unless step one is completed. So, don’t even think about reaching out to your ex until you have successfully turned the tables on her.
As for reaching out to her…
The Correct Way To Reach Out To Your Ex Girlfriend
Once you feel you have your ex girlfriend properly primed or looking forward to hearing from you (step one) you can go ahead and reach out to her to test and see if she is going to ignore you anymore.
Basically if she responds to your text or phone call then you know for a fact you have broken the ignoring/avoiding barrier that has been plaguing you so far.
Now, this brings up a very interesting question.
What is the correct way to reach out to your ex girlfriend?
Some will swear by a well timed phone call.
Others think its a good idea to write a note.
I am actually not a big fan of any of those methods right off the bat.
Is there a time and a place for them down the road?
However, in my opinion this is not the time or place for that.
Instead, I opt for a less aggressive approach with a text message.
Of course, when I say text message I don’t mean a “reach out” text message like the one pictured below.
I seriously hate text messages like that.
There is no substance to them.
I mean, what is interesting about saying hi to someone?
This is why I have a very strict rule when it comes to reaching out to your ex for the first time after a no contact period (step one.)
Your text message has to be so interesting that it would be impossible for your ex NOT to respond to it.
Now, after reading that I bet you are wondering,
“What does a text message that is impossible NOT to respond to look like?”
That is a good question.
I have an example for you here.
(After you click on the link read the text below but only after you click on it.)
You clicked on the link didn’t you?
There wasn’t an example of a text message was there? Just a promotion for my E-Book (which you should invest in by the way.)
I did this on purpose because I wanted to show you that I MADE you take that action. I made you click on that link because you were captivated.
Now, imagine if you could do that to your ex girlfriend with a text message?
Oh, and the E-Book does really have examples of text messages like that.