What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExGirlfriend Back?

How Long It Will Take To Get Over An Ex Girlfriend

I have made a career out of helping men get back with their exes.

That’s why it pains me to say these words…

Most men who try to get their ex girlfriend back end up failing.

A recent poll done by AP-WE TV found that only 4 in 10 people end up getting back together with an ex. So, if you are using those numbers that puts you at a 40% chance of success.

In other words, you have a 60% chance of failing.

Now, I will say that with what I teach on this website I would estimate that your chances of failing are lowered significantly but I will admit that most of the people who come to this website end up failing when it comes to getting their exes back.

Honestly… it’s just the nature of the beast.

Stereotypes have painted a negative picture when it comes to getting back with exes.

I mean, have you ever heard the phrase,

“There’s always more fish in the sea?”

How about,

“Oh, you are better off without him/her?”

Most people have this belief that it’s one and done after a breakup.

They aren’t open to considering a re-connection.

So, hypothetically, let’s say that you come to this website, you try everything in your power to get your ex back and fail.

What then?

Well, then it’s probably time to move on and that’s what I am going to talk about today.

Who I Am And Why You Should Listen To Me

My name is Chris Seiter and I am a professional relationship consultant.

That's me!

That’s me…

Yup, I am a real person.

And this is my wife,

my wife

It’s funny, I learned a long time ago that I can throw out all the statistics in the world.

Like the fact that we get about 3,000,000 visitors a year on Ex Girlfriend Recovery,

3 million a year

Or the fact that I have helped over 15,000 men and women with their exes.


But when it comes to the visitors of this site all it takes is one look at my wife and all the men here immediately perk up and listen to everything I say.

It used to bug me a bit.

But I figured I would just start embracing that fact no matter how illogical it may seem.

In other words, I have a hot wife therefore you should listen to me

Oh, and for you naysayers out there who think that, that woman above is just some model I copy and pasted off of Facebook,

my wife again

BAM (mic drop!)

Ok, enough with the formalities.

Now that I have proven myself to you (by showing off my wife…) I want to talk about you. Specifically about getting over your ex girlfriend.

The Importance Of Leaving No Stone Unturned

Most of the men who come to this site want their ex girlfriends back. Therefore, most of my content is geared towards helping them achieve that goal. However, like I said when I first started this article, most men who try to get their ex girlfriends back end up failing.

It’s not their fault either.

Sometimes there is literally nothing you can do to succeed.

For example, I once had a client, Bob, who came to this site wanting nothing more than to get his girlfriend back,

“She is the love of my life. I don’t even think I can picture a life without her.”

Honestly, when a man tells me this about his ex girlfriend I get a bit giddy because it’s so hard to find someone who is willing to do whatever it takes to succeed. Most of the men who come to this site half ass things but that wasn’t Bob.

Bob was in this for real.

He wanted his ex back and was willing to do whatever I told him to succeed.

There was just one problem.

Bob’s ex girlfriend had already moved on and found a new boyfriend.

Now, this didn’t scare me one bit because I have helped multiple men get back with their girlfriends after they had moved on to a new boyfriend.

But something about this relationship between her and the new guy was different.

It was deeper.

So deep in fact that she eventually ended up marrying this guy.

Bob was devastated BUT there was literally nothing he could do.

Sometimes that’s just the way it works. You can do everything right and still fail.

But Bob can live without any regrets because he tried everything.

He did everything to succeed.

He turned over every stone when he was trying to get her back.

I want you to take a look at the graphic I put together for you below,

no stone unturned graphic

I like to call this my,

“Leave no stone unturned” graphic.

There are three steps to it.

And I know you are probably looking at the steps and thinking to yourself,

“Chris, this is like basic knowledge.”

True, BUT basic knowledge can sometimes be very difficult to follow. Take step one as an example,

no stone unturned graphic copy

Most men don’t try everything.

They simply give up too soon.

And then you have the opposite that holds true as well. Sometimes men will give up before trying anything. If you want your ex girlfriend back DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT before you give up.

But what about step two?

no stone unturned graphic copy 2

What about it?

If you are making progress with your ex then don’t give up.

If you aren’t then maybe it’s time to look elsewhere.

Again, I realize this is basic advice but you will be surprised at how complicated some men can make it. Just use me as a way of simplifying it.

Of course, then we have step three!

no stone unturned graphic

If you can honestly say you have tried everything and haven’t made any progress then you can move on.

Coincidentally… that’s what the rest of this article is about.

Therefore, we are going to assume that you have already tried everything to get your ex girlfriend back, failed and now are looking to move on. That’s our assumption moving forward.

Got it?



Let’s begin!

How Long Will It Take To Fully Get Over An Ex Girlfriend

One of the coolest things about having a website is the fact that I am always searching for ways to improve my visitors experience.

Sometimes that means redesigning the entire site,

EGR Now and Then

And sometimes that means creating a quiz that I know you guys will go crazy for,

Screen Shot 2016-05-02 at 1.18.41 PM

Lately I have been really big on these quizzes.

I am thinking that when it’s all said and done Ex Girlfriend Recovery is going to be home to four different quizzes.

Right now we have our flagship quiz, what kind of chance do you have of getting your ex back.

But I want to create something useful for everyone throughout every step of the process.

Meaning I want to be a safety net for men who are going through all phases of getting an ex back.

Even failure….

Yup, I want to create a whole section of this site dedicated to recovering from an ex. I feel that, that is one area where this site lacks. Sure, it’s incredible at helping men get their exes back but it falls short when it comes to helping the men who fail at getting their exes back.

And one of the things I wanted to do was create a quiz for helping men get over an ex.

So, the other day I was sitting back and thinking to myself,

Well, what the hell would a guy want to know about if he was trying to get over an ex?

I’ll admit that it took me a long time before I finally had an “A HA” moment.

A man who truly wants to get over an ex will probably think to himself,

“How long is it going to take for me to get over her?”

Well, that’s what this section is about.

Before I start giving you actual actions you can take to get over your ex girlfriend I want to set your expectations on how long this process is going to take.

So, how long will it actually take for you to get over your ex girlfriend?

The Answer = It Depends…

Some men can get over an ex in a matter of weeks while with others it can take years.

So, rather than give you a specific set answer like 34 and a half days I decided to look at the factors that will go into making it difficult for you to recover from a breakup.

Through research and common sense I have identified a total of 4 factors that will have a direct correlation to how fast or long it will take you to get over your ex girlfriend. Are you ready to hear them?

  • Factor One: The Length Of Your Relationship With Your Ex
  • Factor Two: The Recency Of The Breakup
  • Factor Three: The Seriousness Of The Relationship
  • Factor Four: How The Relationship Ended

Let’s take a moment to dissect each of these one by one.

Factor One: The Length Of Your Relationship With Your Ex

Hypothetical situation…

Let’s pretend that you dated your ex girlfriend for a total of 3 years and your best friend, Billy, has dated his ex girlfriend for a total of 3 weeks.

Now, out of the two of you which one do you think will get over their ex girlfriends faster.

You or Billy?


Generally speaking the length of a relationship has a direct correlation to how long it will take to get over a relationship.

The longer the relationship the longer it takes.

The shorter the relationship the shorter it will be.

Now, there may be one exception to this little rule and it’s something I like to call the “worn out your welcome” effect.

What Is The “Worn Out Your Welcome” Effect?

What I am about to tell you about here has a very low probability of actually coming true but I want to be thorough and since I know this does exist I would feel bad if I didn’t explain it to you. Imagine that you and your ex girlfriend dated for 10 years and things were getting really stale in the relationship.

You were bored…

She was bored…

You had heard all of her stories and she had heard all of yours.

Your relationship had gotten to a point where both of you had worn out your welcome. Both of you wanted to break up.

In this kind of a situation the speed at which you can recover from a breakup can be increased because it’s something you wanted.

But like I said.

It’s unlikely.


Because oftentimes when you are trying to move on you can’t help but compare your ex to the next person you are on a date with and if you were with your ex for a long time there are going to be memories there that, that new person can’t compete with.

Let me give you an example.

One of my best friends, Guy, ended up dating a girl for close to 6 years and after the two of them broke up and he reached a point where he wanted to move on he couldn’t help compare every girl he went on a date with to his ex.

She’s not as good looking…

She’s not as funny…

She’s not as good in bed…

You get the picture.

Doing stuff like that obviously prolongs the amount of time it will take to get over an ex.

Factor Two: The Recency Of The Breakup

You’ve probably heard it a million times.

Time heals all wounds…

It tracks that the more recent your breakup with your ex is the harder it is going to be for you to get over her.

And the farther away from the breakup you are the easier it is going to be for you to get over her.

Marriage therapist, Paul Hokemeyer, seems to agree with me as he has stated that,

“Right after a breakup, we are catapulted into the stages of fight, flight or freeze. In this place of reaction, we feel intense anger, terrifying anxiety or paralyzing depression. This intense stage typically last for the first 90 days of a breakup.”


In other words, on average, it’s going to take longer than 90 days for someone to get to a stage where they feel like they are going to be able to look at the situation rationally and say,

“Hmm… maybe it was for the best that we broke up.”

This aligns perfectly with my theory that the recency of the breakup can have a direct correlation to how fast it will take for you to get over your ex.

What we learned here is that 90 days seems to be the magic number when your hormones stop going nuts and you get control of them again.

So, I guess what I am trying to say here is that if you are coming into this and thinking about you are going to get over your ex in a week… well, that’s wishful thinking my friend.

Science has proven that it’s most likely going to take longer than 90 days.

Factor Three: The Seriousness Of The Relationship

I think in a different life I was a mathematician of some sort.

Maybe I was like an Albert Einstein type,

albert einstein

Ok, probably not.

I was horrible at math in school and I doubt I would get very far in life without my handy dandy calculator.

But I am often looking for correlations with relationships much like a mathematician would.

And no matter how many times I try to convince myself otherwise there is one big correlation that I keep seeing between the seriousness of a relationship and the length of the relationship.


You remember the length of a relationship (factor one,) right?

Well, doesn’t it makes sense that the longer a relationship lasts the more serious the two people are about each other.

Throughout this site I have always pointed out that women generally aren’t going to stay with a man if there is no hope for a long term future.

For example, there is a girl I know that literally stayed with a guy for 6 years because she believed he was going to propose to her.

He didn’t…

But that’s besides the point.

She believed he would.

She believed that there was going to be a future for the two of them.

But I am getting off topic here.

The seriousness of a relationship is often defined by a few main factors.

Think of them like factors within factors.

  • The length of the relationship
  • The stage of the relationship

Let’s tackle the length aspect first.

(Main Factor One) The Length Of The Relationship

This one is pretty easy to understand.

Pretend you have two couples.

A couple who has been dating for 10 years


A couple who has been for 2 months

Which of these couples would you say are more serious about each other?

The couple who has been dating for 10 years.

You see, relationships are kind of like a test.

You are put through numerous trials and tribulations that are meant to test your compatibility.

Some couples thrive and some couples barely survive.

Hell, some couples never survive.

My point is that after ten years you know a thing or two about making it work. I mean, you have probably been through so much together.

A couple who has only been together for 2 months may think they are more compatible or more serious about each other but they are still in the honeymoon phase. Their opinion doesn’t count.

(Main Factor Two) The Stage Of The Relationship

You may not know this but there are three different stages of a relationship before marriage.

Screen Shot 2016-05-09 at 10.27.07 AM

I have already alluded to two of those stages (the honeymoon period and going through trials and tribulations.)

But this is the way I look at relationships.

Each relationship should go through these three stages before getting married.


Because it will yield the most successful marriages.

Let me give you an example.

Stage One: The Honeymoon Period

Ah the honeymoon period.

That period of time where your partner can do no wrong.

Where life is perfect…

She is perfect…

Nothing can go wrong.

What oftentimes happens here is that people try to take a serious step like getting married before they have proven themselves in the trials and tribulations stage.

The Result = Divorce

Look, some men are lucky enough to pick right and they luck out but often times the smartest determination on whether you should get serious with a partner or not is highly lenient on how each of you handle the trials and tribulations that you will face as a couple.

Stage Two: Trials & Tribulations

This is where the fun truly begins.

How do you handle your girl flirting with other men?

How do you handle other men flirting with your girl?

What about when people try to break you up (because it’s bound to happen.)

What are your values?

What are her values?

Do they align?

How do you handle fighting for the first time?

Do you hold a grudge?

Does she hold a grudge?

There are literally thousands of these little questions that you need an answer to. Oh, and the funnest part of this all is that they are all trials and tribulations. The vast majority of people break up because they are facing a trial or tribulation and fail.

For example, if you were to cheat on your ex girlfriend then you would be facing the trial of resisting temptation (you failed.)

Stage Three: Considering Marriage

I am going to be honest with you.

This one is kind of hard to pin down because I have met many people who try to expedite stage three by doing it in the honeymoon period.

They start discussing marriage way too soon before either party has proven themselves.

Each member of the relationship should pass a certain amount of trials and tribulations before they should allow themselves to open up a dialogue about getting married.

And yet… people still break up over this.

Take the girl I mentioned above about how she waited for six years for a guy to propose when he never did. There was obviously a disagreement here about considering marriage.

The guy believed he was not ready to get married. He was maybe prolonging the trials and tribulations on purpose so he wouldn’t feel tied down.

And the girl believed that enough trials and tribulations had been passed for them to get married.

They broke up over this.

Now, here is the thing you have to remember with these stages.

As you move up them your relationship gets more and more serious. For example, someone who is going to be considering marriage is bound to be at a more serious stage of the relationship than someone who is still in the honeymoon period.

Factor Four- How The Relationship Ended

Relationships end every day.

And since I run a website that revolves around breakups I have heard just about every story there is to hear.

And in all of my time spent reading and writing about breakups I have began to notice that oftentimes how a relationship ends can have a direct correlation between how long it can take for someone to truly get over a breakup.

I would like to use two examples to illustrate my point.

Let’s pretend you have Couple A and Couple B.

A nd B

Couple A have just went through a mutual breakup.

Meaning that while there are still hard feelings both people in the relationship decided that it was best to go their separate ways.

On the other hand, couple B are going through a breakup where the woman cheated on the man.

Now, here is my question.

When you look at the men in couples A and B which one do you think will heal from the breakup faster?

The man in couple A, right?

I mean, the man in couple B is probably terrified of moving on.

He is probably hurt on a deep level from the cheating and he may end up developing some trust issues.

Here is my point.

How the relationship ends definitely factors into how long it will take someone to get over a breakup.

Is it the most important factor for determining the length of time it will take to get over an ex?

No, but it has to be considered.

Putting It All Together

I have decided to put something together for you.

I was looking around online and I couldn’t locate any type of graphic that could potentially tell you how long it would take you to get over your ex. So, instead of looking for one and referencing it I decided to create one myself.

The graphic utilizes each of the four factors that I talked about above and I injected my professional opinion.

Now, I do want to say that before you read this graphic this is all just my opinion.

In no way does it make what I am about to say (or more accurately draw) true. You may find that it takes twice as long to get over your ex or you may even find that you can get over your ex faster than I am claiming.

This is all just my opinion.

Got it?


Here’s the graphic,

the tool

Now, there is a lot going on here so give me a few minutes to explain.

And make sure you pay attention because this is arguably the most important part of this page.

You will notice that each of the factors that we talked about above are on this graphic and they are followed by three lines.

  • A blue line
  • A grey line
  • A red line

These lines are meant to represent two things.

The first thing they help represent is how long it will take you to get over your ex. The second thing is the severity of the factors.

Now, what do you think I mean by that?

The severity of the factors?

Well, I think this would work better with an example so let’s pretend that I am going through a breakup and I want to figure out how long it will take to get over my ex. Let’s utilize this graphic and see if I can get an estimate.

We will take my breakup factor by factor.

Factor One- The Length Of The Relationship

Generally speaking the longer the relationship the longer it takes to get over someone.

Now, in my particular fake breakup I dated my ex for about 5 months.

So, what I would want to do is look at the graphic and place myself on one of the colored lines.

Blue Represents: Cold

Grey Represents: Medium

Red Represents: Hot

Of course, how do you place the length of a relationship in a cold, medium or hot scale?

Simple, the shorter you dated the colder you are and the longer you dated the hotter you are.

I would say five months kind of falls in between cold and hot so I am going to place it here,

the tool

Factor Two: The Recency Of The Breakup

The general rule here is that the more recent the breakup is the longer it will take to get over an ex.

So, plotting that should be relatively easy to figure out using our awesome hot/cold method.

Let’s see… how recent is my fake breakup?


Let’s say that it’s very recent.

Like two weeks recent.

Well, in that case then it should probably be plotted as hot since it would probably take longer to get over my ex,

the tool

Factor Three: The Seriousness Of The Relationship

Again, the general rule here is very simple.

The the more serious the relationship the longer it is going to take to get over your ex.

I would say that my fake breakup wasn’t not serious but it wasn’t to the level where we were talking about marriage.

So, where would we put that on our scale?

How about here,

the tool

Factor Four: How The Relationship Ended

The general rule here is a little harder to narrow down.

Though eventually I think I came up with a pretty decent “general guideline” to follow.

You ready?

The more painful the reason for breaking up is the longer it will take to get over an ex.

In other words, if the two of you came to a mutual decision then you would probably be in the blue category.

If your ex flirted with other guys and it caused a rift then you would probably be in the grey category.

As for red… well, that’s all about cheating or doing something else unimaginable.

What about my fake breakup?

Well, my fake ex flirted a lot.

the tool

Putting It All Together

Ok, now that we have our scale entirely filled out what the heck does it all mean.

Well, do you see all those arrows that we plotted?

You want to look for a correlation.

In other words, you want to see which area of the scale they are plotted under the most.



Or hot…

In the case of our fake breakup example you can clearly see that they are plotted under medium,

the tool

In other words, it’s probably going to take me a good 5 or 6 months to fully get over the breakup.

This begs an interesting question.

What would happen if all the points were plotted all over the place like this,


Well, as you can clearly see the “cold” option still has more points than the rest so chances are you are going to fall into that category.

No matter what you do one category is always going to have more points than the others and since the factors are all very closely related in importance it works out in the end!

Now, I do realize that there are probably going to be a lot of questions about this scale/tool so feel free to ask any of your questions in the comments section below.

We promise to answer them all!


Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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31 thoughts on “How Long It Will Take To Get Over An Ex Girlfriend”

  1. Eddie

    July 13, 2016 at 1:56 am

    Hi, in january I found out my ex had cheated on me with a guy I had told her to stay away from. Her so called “friend.” We had already been broken up since june of 2015 because if him. I had told her to cut him off and she wouldn’t. She swore that he was just a friend, but my gut was telling me otherwise. Since I found out about it we have seen each other only a handful of times. She still says she loves me when she sees me and I don’t say it back even though I love her. She last spoke to me 3 weeks ago. I promised myself I would never reach out to her again, but I hope to hear from her everyday and quite frankly I’m sick of feeling this way. I want her back but she seems to be happy while I have to deal with this pain. We have not talked about getting back together in months, but the last time we did she told me she was enjoying the “fuck” out of her time alone. What should I do? I love the girl to death, but I am also tired of thinking about her every morning and throughout the day until I fall asleep. By the way, this guy is still in her life.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      July 13, 2016 at 10:15 am

      Hi eddie

      although you haven’t talked for 3 weeks, you haven’t started nc right?

    2. Eddie

      July 18, 2016 at 11:42 pm

      nope, I haven’t started NC, but I assume this is it. I haven’t spoken nor reached out to her myself in months. The only time we speak is when she would contact me. Last I heard from her was late june.

    3. Eddie

      July 20, 2016 at 8:53 pm

      Hi, she actually contacted me today but it was only to complain about some emails she keeps receiving from a membership we had together. The thing is she could have just unsubscribed like I did months ago. Was this just a ploy to talk to me or am I simply overthinking things? Once i told her to unsubscribe from it she simply stopped replying.

    4. EGR Team Member: Amor

      July 24, 2016 at 8:48 am

      ok.. start no contact after that.. the most important thing during nc is that you improve yourself, to raise your chances of her being attracted back to you because she’s seeing you improving and moving on.. so, this time, don’t reply when she messages and just focus in improving yourself for 30 days

    5. Eddie

      July 24, 2016 at 2:51 pm

      thank you i appreciate it

    6. Eddie

      July 24, 2016 at 3:14 pm

      one last thing i forgot to mention, her birthday is coming up in two weeks; should I say anything to her? happy birthday or just go through with NC?

    7. EGR Team Member: Amor

      July 25, 2016 at 5:05 am

      you’re welcome…aorry but greeting isn’t allowed in nc too

  2. Meechy

    July 3, 2016 at 8:36 pm

    My girlfriend and her brother and his girlfriend goes and kick to with a guy that my girlfriend use to talk to (was almost in a relationship with this guy) and the whole time my girlfriend turns her phone off I calling/txting her for hours no respond. So finally I find out where the guy lives and just as I’m pulling up they all getting back in the car to leave this guy’s house. When they seen me their look said how did he find us? But I broke packed my things and left her house @ 2 in the morning. They was over this guy house from maybe 9-12:30ish but her brother said it friendly when he’s around them but he left for about a half hour and said he can’t tell me if they did anything in that half hour because he don’t know. So I left my girlfriend house hurt because she played me all day to go hang out with another guy. She turned her phone off so that I wouldn’t be able to track it. So she was trying to hide it. Witch comes after they spend a couple hours 2 days before over there while I was at work. I found all this out from her brother he told me but he said he looked at but like friendly but he knows that they had a thing for each other a few months ago. Now the next day she reactivated her Facebook account. Hasn’t called or txt or anything to try to apologize I’m hurting because I did a lot for this girl when she was out of money to get her two kids food I would make sure the kids ate help her pay bills and make sure she had gas money. And all I get back is her going to chill with another guy who just gonna fuck her because she makes more money than him so hes not gonna help her like I did. I’m just hurting that someone could do a person like how she did me

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2016 at 3:15 pm

      Hi Meechy,

      I’m sorry for what happened..let her be for now and start nc.. let’s hope she realizes what she’s going to lose soon

  3. Jake

    June 7, 2016 at 6:02 pm

    Man, I hope you respond. I feel like you are my only hope for guidance, and that I’ve truly hit rock bottom. I was with my ex girlfriend for a year and half. My first love, I was hers. Last year in July, she decided she wanted a change of pace in life, and up and moved to Hawaii. We were already 6 hours apart, so her moving to Hawaii, and me living in Texas, was insanely difficult. I was disappointed in her decision, but what the heck, I too was packing my bags and heading to a different city in Texas, to start law school. Fast forward time, her time in Hawaii was difficult, she had problems making new friends, jobs etc. she eventually got on her feet and life was well. Fast forward to march of this year. The texting, calling, got less. I was so busy with law school that it took me awhile to realize it. She stopped showing me attention, and eventually I said the hell with this.. We broke up sometime in April. Since then we’ve tried to work things out from April to maybe mid May, not so much of being together, but talking on and off, still telling each other we love each other. She has also started to go on dates with a guy in Hawaii probably late April. I was upset at first, and disappointed that she develop feelings for him.. She would tell me it just wasn’t the same with him etc.. Fast forward to May, last month, she told me she was so happy talking to me again, but was still going on dinner dates with this guy. I wasn’t pleased, I was hurt and upset. May 19th, she asked me if she gets her shit together, would I think about dating her again? But I was so upset that she was still seeing this guy, that I allowed my emotions to react.. Somewhere around the 22nd we blew up, and I said a horrible statement, I stated that she was like her mother. That hurt her deeply and nothing has been the same since. It’s June 6th. I’ve given her a week around the 26, and I called and texted her, she didn’t want to talk about “us” or anything related to dealing with us, she only wanted to talk about the court case.. Nothing we did illegal, it was something that has happened to be during my childhood. She kept saying, we can talk but this will be with boundaries, and then she would yell at me for the comment I said about her mom, then she told me ” I told Dan, that I will always love you.” Dan is the new guy.. What did I do? Of course I got pissed. I don’t want to hear what you tell this new guy, I love you! But nope, she didn’t want to talk about anything else. Eventually, I just got upset and said the hell with it. I expected her to call me sometime during the week since the trial case was happening, it has been traumatic, and has opened up along of wounds that I didn’t believe it would. I testified against this guy, who has robbed me of my childhood, and I needed her there, she wasn’t. I’m not saying I’ve been the best of guy, and I’m this super chill dude, that does everything right. Absolutely not. I am a flawed, and prideful man. But I needed her there. How could I go on without her? A week past, and last night I wanted to check this new guys Instagram, and I saw that her best friend was following him. I freaked out. I called her. I called her to give it one more shot, she heard my voice, paused, and hung up. Couple days ago, she called my cousin to “chat.” He didn’t answer, but he’s related the message to me that she’s doing ok, that she’s fine. Her words. So last night when I called her, and she hung up, my heart completely broke. I’ve been going through hell and back for the last two weeks, all I wanted was to either get closure,I would much rather her say, screw off, then tell me nothing. I left her one last voice message, saying I loved her, and that I am sorry for hurting her, the last time we talked she told me she didn’t forgive me for what I said about her mom. I apologized again, and I said if any part of you loves me, please give me a call. Nothing. She didn’t text or call back. So it’s done, she picked this new guy over me, and is telling her hometown friends about him, and she’s happy. The girl I’ve loved unconditionally is gone. I’ve tried everything. I mean, everything. From the annoying texts, to calls, and to apologizing. And honestly, it worked. But on May 22, when I made the comment that she was like her mom, that ended any chance we had. I know that it killed her. I said it out of anger, and should of known better. I’m hurt, depressed, lost, and just need some advice.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      June 9, 2016 at 3:56 pm

      Hi Jake,

      it’s good that you apologized sincerely about your comment.. let her cool off for now and you have to show her that you’re moving on through your posts.. don’t caption it that it’s fir moving on or for her.. just be active in posting.. she has to see that you have your own life and you’re happier and calmer so she would be open to talking again later on..

    2. Jake

      June 26, 2016 at 6:29 am

      So just an update.
      She was seeing this guy since April, we went back and fourth until the end of May. The last time I reached out to her, she hung up on me like the sixth of June. I found out that the guy she was going on dates, is now her boyfriend?? Could this be a rebound since she was still telling me she was in love with me until the beginning of June. It’s almost like she got with this guy as soon as I stated the comment. I went no contact, for about two weeks. I reached out to her about one of my friends, and she replied to my text. I texted her the next two days, and no response. So now I’m back doing nc. I guess I’m sorta getting over it now, just wish she would have given me closure, or tell me she has a boyfriend? For some reason she don’t, I had to find out a different way. Is there a reason she won’t tell me?

    3. Jake

      June 28, 2016 at 5:15 pm

      So she’s official with this guy now, they’ve been going on dates since April, but up until May 30 she was still telling me she was in love with me, but stopped after the comment. Is this a rebound?

    4. EGR Team Member: Amor

      June 30, 2016 at 12:50 pm

      it could be.. how are you now?

    5. Jake

      July 7, 2016 at 6:21 am

      Weird, she actually texted me.. Didn’t apologize for anything though, but started small talk, asking about my friend, how I was doing a few times, played catch up.. I guess? But what the hell? Why all of a sudden is she now texting me?

    6. Jake

      July 7, 2016 at 6:25 am

      A couple of weeks ago I would of been jumping for joy.. But now, I’ve gotten to know a couple girls and hey, being single ain’t that bad! I gave this girl my heart, and she could of given two shits. i thought she had a boyfriend? Why would she be texting?

    7. EGR Team Member: Amor

      July 7, 2016 at 7:43 pm

      did you stop messaging her? coz that could be the reason she’s missing you

    8. Jake

      July 21, 2016 at 4:43 pm

      So she ended up reaching out to me first week of July . Small talk, but then couple days later she said she was confused and sad. She still has this boyfriend. We talked for two hours last week catching up, and since then she stopped replaying to my text messages? She even cried when I told her I was seeing other people. Now I’m going back nc. Why did she stop replying? I’m just over this game you know. Life is doing better though

    9. EGR Team Member: Amor

      July 24, 2016 at 4:43 pm

      euther she feels guilty or her bf found out and forbade her

  4. Chris

    May 30, 2016 at 2:43 am

    Nice name Btw, anyway my ex and I broke up almost a month ago, but after begging I just finished my first week of NC. My question is, what if my ex girlfriend is trying to use no contact on me? I’m trying to better myself using NC, but I also want her to regret the breakup (was mutual, I initiated it, feels like she dumped me tho) I want her to start chasing me again, but what if she is trying the same thing?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      June 8, 2016 at 2:58 am

      Hi Chris,

      sorry for the late reply.. Yes you two Chris’ have a nice name 🙂 It looks like she wants to get back with you and nc worked. How are you now? did you talk after that?

  5. Jerry

    May 17, 2016 at 8:16 pm

    Seems like I spoke too soon guys … after posting that message yesterday afternoon she broke up with me at night :-l ah well. I know what to do. time makes her care more and me care less. I repeat my original message. Thanks for the great site you’ve created.

  6. Anonymous

    May 17, 2016 at 9:49 am

    Hey Amor
    So it’s been just over 6 months since my ex and I split and for the first 3 months I followed all of these articles to the tee to the point where we were on talking terms etc. She then left for America (I’m sure you won’t remember my story as you get alot of cases on this site 🙂 )
    Anyway, she quit her trip a week in and came back home to her new boyfriend she got like a month after we broke up (we were together for 4 years and were our first relationships) and blocked me on WhatsApp and removed me as a friend on Facebook. I havent attempted to talk to her in 3 months now but have realised she checks up on my Instagram and downloads the songs that I post on there. She has also been downloading certain songs that can only possibly be referring to me (sad songs, breakup songs, love songs) etc.

    This past weekend I was umpiring a sports match and it just so happened that she was playing in the match! The position she plays required her to be near to where I as the umpire stands but she could not come near me. Even her team mates began to shout at her for being out of position. I could see she was very awkward and seemingly uncomfortable but I did not even attempt to talk or look at her. I could also notice throughout the game that she would be stealing looks at me. Her new boyfriend also wasn’t even there to support her like I used to.

    Her actions and the music she is listening to and her checking up on me makes me think there is something going on beneath the surface with her. Am I wrong in thinking this? What should I do from here? Just keep on seeming like I’m gone so that she slowly draws nearer or should I try something else?
    Thanks for any advice you have

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      June 3, 2016 at 9:00 am

      Hi Anonymous,

      those are good signs.. have you started being friendly with her?

    2. Anonymous

      June 6, 2016 at 7:58 pm

      No I haven’t. She has been cold. We have not spoken.
      Last week I popped a gift at her door which I was meant to give to her before she left but I never got a chance. That seemed to stir a whole whirlwind up as her boyfriend called me in a fit moaning etc. She then messaged me saying I’m harassing her etc and I must stop and shes totally over me and all this exaggerated nonsense. She called many of my friends trying to find out where I live now (as I got my own apartment since the breakup – a big achievement) and I know this impresses her. She wanted to come over and return the gift I left. I don’t see how she says I’m harassing her I literally have not spoken to her or had anything to do with her in the past 5 months so I don’t know where this is coming from? It could be her bf putting her up to it. She listens to beyonce-sandcastles which is a really emotional song so I’m conflicted with what to think right now.

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      June 9, 2016 at 8:48 am

      It was too forward. She’s in protecting mode of her current relationship.. you need to lay low.. and if you ever get in touch with her again. It has to appear that you’re just really just being friendly

  7. Jerry

    May 16, 2016 at 4:49 pm

    Hey Chris and Amor. I just wanna say that I’ve been a regular visitor to your site for almost a year. My gf and I broke up 3 times in the last year, one of those times she began dating someone else for about a month (I was told) but I found that after a few months she would always come back to me. From your site I learned to expedite the process from when we broke up last summer, to getting back together from January-March but now having her reach out to take me back in one month instead of 4 months. She also spends way more time with me now than she did in the previous years. I see her multiple times a week now whereas before I would see her once or twice a month (seriously) …. anyway …. I guess I am one of those lucky guys whos in a situation where even doing everything wrong she will still reach out again eventually …. just wanted to thank you guys for ur tireless work and you’ve truly built a helpful great website

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      June 3, 2016 at 8:35 am

      Hi Jerry,

      Thank you so much too! I hope this time you’re going to be more stable together.

  8. Doug

    May 13, 2016 at 11:57 am

    Hi guys,

    I was recently doing well with getting back with my ex. Been through the NC period. Low risk, medium risk and high risk dates. Some phone calls. Taking response length and time into consideration.

    On the high-risk date, I kissed her and the following day she sent a long message saying how she wants ‘us’ to work out but we’d have to overcome the bumps we’ve previously had (I had a bit of anxiety and would sometimes mentally curl up and things would become weird). She even said how she loves so many qualities about me and wants to end up with someone like me. A few days later I went to the cinema and held hands with her. To remedy some of the issues we had previously faced, I called her up and was open about some things I hadn’t previously told her (seeking therapy for the anxiety issues). She welcomed the fact I was open and was very happy I had mentioned it. Amongst that we had talked about many things however we didn’t conclude the phone convo. I ended up messaging her asking where we’re leaving things off, i.e. officially dating/being exclusive/being boyfriend-girlfriend.

    Then I had the response I wasn’t looking for. She stated we should be friends as from what I had said to her the night before on the phone sounded as if I was happy to be with her or with someone else. Moreover, she stated we should be friends to overcome any of the weirdness until we become fully comfortable. I responded letting her know that I only want to be with her and would be over the moon to be with her, however the only way to overcome the “weirdness” is to spend time in each others personal space i.e. more time at each other’s place. I suggested we consider it dating however she responded saying “that only once we’re over the hiccups can we start to think about it being something more than friends otherwise it’s a rollercoaster of emotions and its not fair on either of us”

    I met her last night for dinner and I gave her a lift home. However there was no kiss this time, not even an attempt for a kiss on the cheek.

    I feel a bit lost on what to do or if there is a particular article to follow. Maybe the “Your ex-gf just wants to be friends. Now what?” However, I’m not sure if this is fully beneficial to my situation. Happy to listen to any advice you have 🙂


    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      May 14, 2016 at 1:34 am

      Hi Doug,

      I think it’s too fast.. You asked to get back when there’s not enough attraction and desire built.. and she knows how much you want her back, so, there’s no feeling of wanting you “now” before you get away.. and now you’re friendzoned..YOu have to check this posts out.

      How To Make Your Ex Girlfriend Think About You Constantly
      Your Ex Girlfriend Just Wants To Be Friends…. Now What?
      How To Make Your Ex Girlfriend Commit To You