When you come out of a breakup you start asking yourself lots of questions. One of the most common things guys ask themselves is how to get their girlfriend back after she has lost feelings for you.
It can be tough when she is showing no desire to mend the fence or even talk about the breakup. And it is usually very clear when her feelings for you have ebbed.
Often she doesn’t have to say anything. You just know it. And sometimes she will just come out and tell you that she doesn’t feel the same way anymore.
What you need is Plan to try and right the ship. Just because you are hearing and feeling these things doesn’t mean that this will be her state of mind in a few weeks or a few months from now.
So what the heck can you do to help your ex girlfriend rediscover those feelings she had for you when things were really working well?
My advice is you implement this 4 Step Plan.
Step 1: Let Her Feelings For You Grow By Removing Yourself From Her Life
This can be the hardest thing for a guy to do. Inside you are craving her and hoping you can re-shape her feelings by meeting up with her and laying it all out.
But unfortunately, the spill your guts strategy and telling her how much she means to you usually does little to reactivate those feelings that she use to have.
If anything, it only reinforces that things have gotten desperate and in her mind, a guy who is begging for her attention is not the kind of man she aspires to be with for the long haul.
What you need to do is remove yourself from her life if you want her back.
Get out of her way.
Your efforts to try and save the relationship and get on her good side is likely to get derailed with your very first effort.
So you need to give her room and let her process things in her own way. You see, if your ex girlfriend is like most women, it’s going to take some time for her to get back in touch with how she really feels about you.
Now let’s make one thing clear. I am not advocating your remove your influence from her life.
I am going to talk to you later about how you can shape her thoughts without even communicating with her.
But for the next 14-30 days (every case is unique) you want to step away.
Not calling her or texting her will give her the emotional space she will need to put some things in perspective. It will also allow you to avoid making any big mistakes that often follow a breakup. And it will also provide your girlfriend with a chance, as time goes by, to realize that the two of you had some pretty amazing experiences together.
This leads us to Step 2 of the Plan.
Step 2: Allow Your Ex Girlfriend To Rediscover Her Love For You By Shaping Her Memory
While you may not be actively and directly trying to communicate with her at this stage, you are by removing yourself from the picture, fostering an environment where she can calm down and gain some perspective and appreciate the good qualities you bring to the table.
Some of this happens spontaneously within her as she seeks to put the whole experience with you in perspective.
In the early stages of the no contact period, her memories of you will be shaped by both good and bad recollections. But as time winds on, the good memories (as there should be more of them) will take center stage. This is when her feelings for you will be reshaped more toward the positive.
Before you reach out to her, you want to allow her the time to work though this process.
Your absence from her life in the very beginning will probably be welcomed. But after some time, these feelings she has about the relationship will shift and her memories (large and small) will start to weigh on her.
Doubts will begin to emerge. She will start to question whether it would be wrong to throw it all away.
Her anger and hurt feelings will usually be replaced with a greater sense of calm. And in her heart, an ache and longing will begin to slowly emerge.
Think about it. If the two of you were together as a couple for a meaningful length of time, then you both created thousands of moments. Some of these may shine brighter in her mind than you can every imagine. They will invariably surface.
Some of these memories and moments will be triggered naturally in her life. But you can also indirectly do some things to help these feelings to rise up in her. That is why I always advice my clients to stay active on social media because invariably, at some point, your girlfriend will be checking up on you.
It is natural for her to be curious about you, even if she still have very mixed feelings about what she wants. So help coax some of those memories out by posting and commenting in a strategic way such that it invokes positive recollections of the past.
Also, if you have some mutual friends, you can leverage that in strategic ways to help pass on certain information that will set your ex girlfriend’s mind a ticking.
Step 3: Utilize a Recovery Technique Called, “Mending The Fence” One Picket at a Time
Once you have laid down the groundwork for her feelings to surface and be reshaped, then it is time to act in a somewhat more direct way.
If you have followed my Program, then you know that there comes a stage where you will want to initiate communication. First you want to try texting her in a fashion that elicits curiosity. It should be the kind of text that she almost has to answer. I have written numerous posts on the topic of strategic texting and so I courage you to explore my website or simply just purchase my inexpensive Program.
It suffices to say that if you want to maximize your chances of getting her back, then you need to utilize texting in a very tactical manner, with each text carefully composed to get the most traction.
At this stage, your goal is to create an avenue where the two of you are communicating on good terms.
If you truly want to mend her feelings and displace the negative thoughts she may have for you with more positive and constructive thoughts, then you need to rebuild that communication and trust one text at a time.
Step 4: Reinforce Your Girlfriend Connection By Making New Memories
If you have diligently followed all of the tenets of my Ex Girlfriend Recovery Program then you should eventually arrive at a stage where you will be communicating more frequently and with more substance.
Naturally that will lead to a time where you both are ready to see each other again.
There is a method on how you can go about pulling that off without scaring her off.
I am a firm believer in the less is more philosophy. So when you have established a consistent pattern of positive communication which is balanced on both sides, then work toward a nice and pleasant meet-up.
Don’t think of it as a date. Keep it informal. Meet up some place that is public and facilitate the get together in such a way that it is not long in duration. Meet her for coffee. Take her to a quaint cafe. Whatever the two of you like to do that is informal should work.
Keep the expectations low and don’t allow the conversation to get serious about relationship stuff. There will be time for that in the future if this first meet up goes well.
Your goal is to create a pleasant, fun experience.
As you progress though a couple of these meet-ups, the feelings that she has for you should turn more consistently positive, which ultimately will lead to a period where you both agree to resume dating and seeing each other.
But none of this can happen if your hurry it or skip steps or don’t give her the peace of mind she will need upfront.