My Ex Girlfriend Hasn’t Contacted Me…. Do I Even Have A Chance?

Sometimes everything we try just seems to fail.

No matter how hard we try and what we do, the solutions to successfully getting back in touch with our ex-girlfriend seem to escape us.

Do you ever feel this way about your ex girlfriend?

Do you ever think she has just forgotten you?

Well if you do, I can assure you that you are not alone in this predicament.

Throughout my website, Ex Girlfriend Recovery, I provide a great deal of information targeted at trying to help guys reunite with their ex girlfriends.

The advice is sound and usually gets results.

But sometimes guys have these special situations…. and I mean really special, such that their ex girlfriend just won’t respond to the many attempts to re-establish contact.

When you invest your time and emotional energy to implement these multiple tactics, all singularly aimed at trying to get your ex girlfriend back, only to have it end in failure with each try, it’s hard not to feel dejected.

sad face

 

You probably have spent enormous hours researching and reading and thinking about the things you should do or should NOT do to enhance your chances of winning back your ex girlfriend.

After all this effort, you probably carefully constructed a game plan.

You may have even gotten yourself pretty excited as you figured your chances were darn good.

“Certainly”, you thought, “she will respond to this message”.

But with every bullet point of the plan checked off, you got nothing in return.

You fell flat on your face wondering,

“What will it take to get her attention?”

Ok… time out!!

I just want to make one thing clear.

In my writing of this post, when I use the phrasing, “YOU”, let me be clear that I am not specifically talking about you, personally.  I am just using this language and phrasing as a way to advance the dialogue of my message.

OK!

Alright, let’s get back to my post….

You may have even fallen into a deeper sense of futility and have started wondering whether you should just give up.

You might be angry, thinking, “what is wrong with her?”

Hell, you might even get really upset at your ex, casting all kinds of ugly thoughts of her in your mind’s eye.

The “topsy turvy” range of emotions that you are experiencing aren’t helping much either, right?

You may find yourself just strolling or driving around with no purpose…. stumbling through life in an aimless fashion.

It is enough to send someone into a drinking binge.

Ok, so you may have done that too….. drinking yourself into a temporary state of numbness.

Take a Peek At 3 Secret Text Messages

But after you run through this ex girlfriend obstacle course a few times, each time coming up short, you start thinking:

“Ok, there must be some other things I can do.”

Or maybe you are thinking,

“What the crap am I doing wrong… I can’t even get a peep from her… not a word…. it’s as if I have fallen out of her life.”

Yea…I know…it sucks.

It really sucks when your ex will not make any effort to contact you, particularly after you have instituted what you thought was a fabulous game plan.

Perhaps you already went through a 30 days No Contact Period and tried all the steps of initiating contact, but still no luck.

So you feel down and out because you have not heard from her.

I get a lot of feedback from guys who visit my website.

They are almost always focused on their ex-girlfriend’s undesirable behavior or what the ex girlfriend is NOT doing:

cant sit with us

For example they say things like:

“She has abandoned me”

“I have not heard from her”

“She stopped calling me and talking to me”

“She won’t text me back”

“My ex gf ignores me and is not replying”

“My ex girlfriend is not responding”

“I have not heard from her in ages….she never contacted me again”

Chris, I heard from her, but she says she wants to take things slow”

Then I get a flurry of questions like:

“Do I have a chance?”

“Is there any possibility of getting her back after one year?”

“What are my prospects of getting my ex girlfriend talking to me again?”

“Is there any opportunity for me to get my girlfriend back?”

“Is it even worth the effort to try and get my girl back at this stage?”

“How do I get a second chance without making everything worse?”

“I am down to my last chance, Chris, what do I do?”

“My ex gf has never initiated contact and it has been 3 months. How do I turn that around?”

Oh, but here is my all time favorite:

“Ok Chris….I have been doing it the way you laid it out. I did 30 days of no contact at first. No cigar.  It’s day 57 now. If it starts working…oh God if it starts working I will be so beholden to you, but I can’t believe it will because she has giving me the big time cold shoulder.  But deep inside, I think she definitely wants me back.  I pray she wants me back!  Ok, Chris, what do I do next if she actually wants to start talking.  I don’t want to blow anything.  I don’t want to foul this up if she wants me back or even wants to meet up.  Geez, I don’t know, maybe I will never hear from her.  What a mess, Chris.  What a mess.”

Sound familiar?

It is a heck of a roller coaster ride when you are fighting like mad to get things going again with that special woman you want back.

Is it worth fighting longer?

Do you even have a decent chance?

Hell Yea, you have a decent chance!

Now, I am not going to tell you that your odds are 50/50 because it is a fool’s game to predict the odds of your ex girlfriend picking up the phone and calling you or even simply sending you a text.

But my job is to try and help you improve your odds.

How is that accomplished?

There is a simple answer to how you increase your chances of having your ex gf contact you.

I refer to it as the  “Leave NO Stone Unturned” strategy.

no stone

The challenge is that you have to be fully committed.

Turning over a few of the stones (i.e. tactics) or even many of the stones is not good enough.

You have to be prepared to turn over every stone in your efforts to re-establish contact and communications with your former girlfriend.

Ready to get Started?

Well, guess what?

What Do You Really Mean That Your Ex Hasn’t Contacted You?

I am thinking that when you landed on this post you had not heard from your ex girlfriend at all since the breakup.

I am assuming your are the one who initiated it all, thereby making you the dumper and therefore the dumpee (your ex) has not contacted you.

But we all know that is not how it always rolls.  You may be the dumpee and are wondering “why won’t she contact me.  I could be dead as far as she knows”.

But it’s entirely possible that your situation is not quite that extreme.  Maybe it’s kinda bad.  Maybe it more easily salvageable.  Wherever you fall, just know that how you move forward is largely dependent on where you have been.

Let me explain.

I have coached a lot guys, helping them overcome whatever issues they are having with their ex.  One of the top issues they complain about is not ever hearing from their ex girlfriend.

But when they talk about not hearing or getting any communications, they don’t always mean the same thing.  And it is important for me to know just what is going down on the ex girlfriend communications front in order to devise the best strategy.

Here are some examples of how some guys define “not being contacted” by their ex.  As you will see, everyone has a bit of different take on what that looks like and feels like. It is a highly personal matter.

You know what I mean?

It is sort of a relative thing.  If you are accustomed to getting tons of text messages from your girlfriend and something goes down and now suddenly all you are getting is a smattering of toneless replies or absolutely nothing; it may feel like the text communication gates are about to close or have entirely closed and you have no key to get back in.

Yeah man.  She is shutting down on me.  I guess we are in official breakup territory. I told her I needed some time to myself and was thinking things through about our relationship and other stuff.  I mean, I don’t want much to change. She is just getting too demanding of my time lately. I guess she took it all wrong and now I don’t hear squat from her.  It’s like I am a nobody to her.  Yeah, I get the occasional “touching base” text, but that’s it. I know she is getting into this silent treatment thing.”

OK, so you see what I mean.  In my book, this guy is not in such a bad spot. Does he even have a chance with his ex?  You bet he does.  She is still checking in with him once in awhile, despite his heavy handed explanation for why he needed to take some downtime.  For his situation, the game plan is entirely different than it would be for a guy whose ex girlfriend has shut down every avenue of communication.  Like this guy.

Hey.  Look, I thought I would ask for some help.  My girl and I had a huge fight.  She thinks I am pig headed.  That’s what she calls me.  I don’t no where this backlash is coming from.  We fight and I defend and when she is wrong I tell her and then she stomps off and totally shuts down. This time it’s bad.  She is telling me over and over again I don’t listen, that I don’t meet her emotional needs, that all I want from her is sex and she is through with me because I am a user.  Her whole reaction pissed me off, so I have been ignoring her.  But now it’s gone on for about a week.  I got two text messages from her a few days ago.  The first was that I am suppose to coordinate with her friend about picking up my stuff at her apartment.  I didn’t respond. I figured she was still blowing off steam and I would just stay away from her.  Then comes the 2nd text message a few hours later.  She tells me she is glad it’s over between us and she is already over me.  OK, so now I am really worried about this.  It has never gone this far”.

So how you go about wooing back your ex girlfriend and getting her to even consider talking to you again is highly dependent on a lot of variables including:

  1. Just how bad was the split up.
  2. Did you initiate the break up or did she or was it sort of mutual thing.
  3. Just really how bad is your situation?  Has your ex frozen you completely out of her life to the extent that she has blocked your texts, blocked phone calls, you are blocked on Facebook, etc?  Has there been zero forms of communication for many days?  Has your ex told her friends or even her parents that you have been carved out of her life and they should ignore you as well?
  4. How long has it been since the big separation event and what have you done for yourself in the meantime?
  5. What have you done to make things better or worse. By the way, lots of times I hear from guys who are doing things they think help them get back in their girlfriend’s good graces, but once we break it down, they are just digging a deeper hole for themselves.  This breakup territory that you now find yourself in is like quicksand.  So watch out and listen up!

Before we move on to the next session this Guide (which is the guts of how you get through this mess) just know that I will try my best to lay down an action plan template that will help most guys in most situations.

So hang in there with me and know that in most cases, despite the fact that your ex girlfriend seems to be blind to your existence, that is likely to change if you are resourceful and follow some basic guidelines and roll out some ex girlfriend recovery tactics.

It probably is not going to turn around quickly for you, despite how much you want her back.  And that is part of the problem.  Your emotions can twist you up into a knot creating such anxiety that you might start doing some really stupid stuff.   Please don’t do stupid stuff!

My job is to help you, help yourself.

So let’s move forward.

YOU Are Getting A Free Get Your Ex Back Training Course!

free

You are getting the benefit of a free Training Module.

Lucky you!

It normally retails out at $19.95 and it is an excellent resource.

How do I know that?

Well, it is because I personally designed this Training Module specifically for those who are having what I characterize as an “acute” communications challenge in getting some kind of response back from their ex girlfriend.

So if you are one of those lucky individuals who landed on this specific page of my website, it is yours to keep, read and enjoy.

And I think you are going to find some darn good actionable ideas that will help you with overcoming many of those ex gf recovery obstacles and communication dead-ends.

EX-GIRLFRIEND TRAINING MODULE- When All Has Failed How Do You Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Talking To You Again – 25 Things You Must Know  

training

One of the most common questions I receive from visitors of my websites is,

“how do I get my ex girlfriend to contact me after I have tried everything”?  What do I do?  When do I do it?”

Well, the really, really short answer is I am quite sure you have NOT tried everything.

There are always options.  Remember, that whole “leave no stone unturned bit?”

Or they will ask,  

“How do I go about improving my chances to wedge my way back into my girlfriend’s heart?”

Ok, now this is a somewhat different question because it is much more ambitious.

In this case, the person is wanting more than just re-establishing contact with their girlfriend, but they really want to win back their heart.

This goes to the heart of what my e-books teach and are all about.

Breakups are hard to endure for both parties.  It helps to have a game plan on how to get things righted and moving in the proper direction.

People who are suffering from what I would describe as an acute situation with their ex girlfriend, such that the she simply will not respond to efforts to communicate, are also looking for specifics….a game plan if you will.

Now, we are all different and our situations are unique, so elements of a game plan will vary from person to person.

Some tactics that I will discuss could work quite well given your particular acute relationship situation, whereas other recommendations I make may not be a good fit.

Such is the world of dealing with the complexity of human beings and relationships.

But if you are looking for a general game plan or template on how you go about the entire process, then I have it for you

And believe me when I say this is a process.

It is not a five step plan that lands you back at the door of your ex girlfriend in a few days or even a few weeks (though you never know).

Relationship Recovery Quicksand

quicksand

Anything that operates that fast usually is doomed to failure.

Most such plans don’t even get out of the starting gate.

The run of the mill, Get Your Ex Girlfriend back in a hurry type of articles often consists of vague or non-actionable advice.

I think of these kinds of programs as Quicksand.

You step into it and you start sinking, fast.

Beware of quick fixes and brainless schemes as they can often cause more harm, than good.

The following passage is relationship advice I would recommend you NOT FOLLOW.  It is provided as an example of some of the garbage out there you should avoid.  There is no nuance, no sophistication, and some very troubling notions associated with this kind of talk. I call it the “Flintstone Approach”, because it sounds like it comes from the Stone Ages.

flintstones approachPlease steer away from advice such as:

A women needs to be told who is boss.  

So after your break up, just go right into a 60 day period of completely avoiding and ignoring her.  

Maybe throw out a text every 3 weeks letting her know you don’t miss her.

She needs to know you have all the personal power.

If she reaches out, slap her back down.  Remember that you are in charge and that if you want her back, then things need to be on your terms, not hers. This is tough love.  

Tough on her, but Easy on you.  

In the end you will get what you want and deserve.

When I come across relationship advice like this, I conjure up images of something like that scene in the movie, “Magnolia” where the Tom Cruise character is conducting a workshop on how to conquer and dominate women.  He comes off as a superficial, psychologically damaged guy who really hates women.

tame her

If one was to follow these crude, one dimensional tactics, your chances of ever winning back your ex girlfriend would be dramatically sinking…. deep into the quicksand.

Another mistake some relationship experts make is not seeing the recovery process as two sides of the same coin.

There is the element of this process that is focused on tactics to help you with getting back with your ex gf.

And this process can be broken down into many steps…little steps.

The actions you take should be fully understood.  You should not rushed into doing something unless there is purpose behind your actions.  You should never come at this process from a sense of desperation.

The other side of the recovery coin is winning yourself back.

As you probably realize, since you are likely experiencing a great deal of emotional strain due to the break up, you will often feel lost much of the time.

You will feel lost to what happened and lost to what you should do.

So you (and your Ex) will need time for healing.

When you are suffering from multiple failed attempts to resume communication with your ex gf, your feelings of despair or desperation may feel even more pronounced.

So when your prior efforts to win her back have fallen flat on their face, then you need to execute something else or modify your existing efforts.

Ex Girlfriend Triage

wedding

I am sure you have watched your share of war films.

I love em.

Or how about those hospital dramas, or better yet, how about those apocalyptic types of movies or shows?

Invariably what will happen in some scene of the movie is a great catastrophe will unfold.

People are wounded and bodies are strewn everywhere.

It is a disaster zone.

Starting to ring a bell?

Ok, perhaps your personal situation with your ex girlfriend is not quite so bad!

But if you are really struggling with making contact with your ex and can’t seem to see any way out of the situation, then you may need some really special care.

We are talking bleeding hearts gushing in the streets.

Ok, maybe my analogy is a tad overboard!

But you are with me, right?

So think of this upcoming Training Module you are about to embark on has a Triage that is set up specifically for those with acute injuries….of the ex girlfriend kind.

Just to make sure we are on the same page, here is the definition of Triage.

wounded

If you are already encountering some serious emotional blow back from your inability to communicate with your ex gf and you need some help on what to do, then I am assigning you to my special Training Module.

If you are struggled with finding a “Get Out of Jail Card” as it applies to your Ex and really are feeling the acute pain of apparent defeat, then step right on in because this baby is about to get started.

The 5 Phases in the Ex Girlfriend Recovery Game Plan

not a phase

Did you know that 5 is a prime number and that prime numbers are very special….. maybe even magical.

So perhaps some of this magic will rub off when I walk you through the 5 Phases of your ex girlfriend recovery plan.

If you are seriously wounded from a broken relationship and feel helpless as to what to do next, then let’s get started with your treatment plan.

I am going to introduce you to each phase and then we will discuss them in greater length.

The 5 Phases include:

phases

PHASE  I –  Damage Control After The Ex Girlfriend Break-Up

humpty dumpty

1. Breathe Young Man, BreatheYour May Still Hear From Your Ex-girlfriend Again!  

That is right, it ain’t over until all the stones have been turned over.

And guess what?  There are many stones.  More than you think.

You just need to learn where to look for them and how to use them.

Now, I know you may feel completely dispirited. It is not easy to invest yourself into a young woman and then something happens and it all comes tumbling down.

Much like Humpty Dumpty, pieces and parts of your relationship in the form of memories are just lying all around and you keep running into them.

Just know that the feelings you are having are normal and NECESSARY.  You can’t recover fully, if you suppress them.

It is not uncommon for the guy to feel sad and depressed.  Believe me, your girlfriend feels the same way, no matter who instigated the break up.

What is typical is we go through a cycle of reacting to the break up.  It is referred to as the Kubler-Ross Five Emotional Stages.

kubler ross

Stage One- Denial

You may first go through a period of denial, like it isn’t happening.  Well, if you are here reading this, it happened.

This period of denial can last a few days or even weeks.

It is not a healthy place to be in, so get “one with reality”.

Stage Two- Anger

Stage two is when  anger and resentment sets in.  All those ugly emotions we really hate to feel, but strangely seems to possess our soul.

This is normal too.

The sooner you work through this, the better.

I will give you some pointers later.

Stage Three: Bargaining

Then you will generally go through a period of Bargaining (Stage 3).  This is when you try to make compromises with yourself, thinking that it will be easy to deal with the problem. You may come up with some short term solutions only later to discover that the quick fix methods were futile.

This is the ole, bull crapping yourself stage, if you know what I mean.

Stage Four: Depression

The Fourth stage is called, depression.

Oh..yea…. I think most of us know that that is about.

In this stage, the person essentially just sort of gives up and retreats into themselves not wanting to do much of anything.  The duration of this stage varies widely depending on the person.  It can last a several days….weeks..or just minutes.

Stage Five: Acceptance

But the psychologists say we all experience some form of depression before we move into the last stage, called Acceptance.

When we enter into acceptance, we have largely made peace with ourselves and our situation.  We are almost always in a better frame of mind to deal with the problems at hand.

We are better equipped to accept what is happening or what is about to occur.  We are calmer and able to act more rationally. This enables us to explore realistic options going forward.

When I think of damage control, I think of it as pertaining to not damaging yourself any further or the relationship you have with your ex gf.

And yes, as much as you think the connection with your ex-girlfriend is broken and that you are screwed, I have news for you.

It is not likely your relationship with her is completely severed.

This  is the case given the gravity of how difficult it is to completely sever a relationship connection with your lover. There is a lot of science and neurobiology that supports this conclusion.

So buck up, it ain’t over until it’s over.  And in my book, it still ain’t over, even after that.

2. Get Some PerspectiveBoyfriends and girlfriends often part ways

big one

In an effort to try to get you from beating yourself up too much, just remember that relationships are hard.  They are hard to start….hard to keep…and hard to recover from.

That proof is everywhere you look.

There are tons of books, movies, websites, rumor mills, and all the rest that focus on the issue of relationships.

We are complicated creatures striving not only to figure out ourselves, which is pretty damm hard when you really think about it a lot, but we are also trying to figure out that entity we call the “opposite sex”.

Now, I am certainly not trying to depress you here!  I just want you to know that you are not alone in this camp.

Look to your left and look to your right and while you are at it, look forward and look behind you.

Guess what?  Every person you saw, has had some kind of relationship break up in their lives.  Most often, they had several and very likely all of these people have had a ton of relationship hiccups.

So what is a relationship hiccup?  It’s not a break up, but it like when things sour a bit between the sexes.

My larger point is that for you to get on the right road to recovery, you need to understand and accept that relationships just sometimes get upside down for reasons neither you or your girlfriend could have predicted.

Of course, if you treat her like crap…..the relationship won’t last long.  But that is not what I am talking about right now.

What I want you to understand is that human beings are exceptionally complex.

Our range of emotions and motivations are wide. The degrees in which we are compatible with our significant other can vary.

Indeed, there is no such thing as a couple that is perfectly compatible.

It is a myth.

We are far too complex in our behavior for that sort of thing to occur.

So if you are suffering from a relationship loss and you want your girlfriend back, think of your situation in this way….you have an opportunity to learn from the past and apply those learnings to the future.

3. Know ThyselfYou will be vulnerable to an assortment of emotions

know thyself

You are likely to come unhinged…. maybe a lot…maybe just a little bit…but just accept that at some stage after the break up, you might not completely recognize yourself.

You may also have trouble sleeping which will exasperate your situation causing you to become further removed from the way your normally feel, react, and behave.

Why am I telling you all this?

It is not to scare you, but I believe forewarned is forearmed.

You may not be able to completely stop these unusual flood of emotions, but you can learn to temper them.

I will be discussing this more in Phase III (see below).

What might be these unusual emotions triggered by the break up with your ex gf?

Many of them are obvious and you may have already dealt with the more common ones (e.g. sadness, confusion, resentment, etc).

The more serious and damaging behaviors you should guard against would include uncontrollable outbursts, obsessive thinking, panic attacks, compulsive behavior, drinking binges, and controlling behaviors.

Knowing the risk of becoming emotionally unhinged should lead you to some preventative strategies.

Keeping your routines and increasing your physical activity (e.g. exercise) is important.

Let me repeat that again.  It consider it one of the Golden Rules of Recovery.

Exercise.  And when you are through with your workout, a flood of endorphins will be released.  You will feel better.

4. Real Men CryYou better get it out or will get the best of you.

crying

Look, no matter how tough a guy you think you are, if you don’t get some of the emotion bottled up in you, out, then you are headed for trouble.

Shedding a few tears in private can help get your head screwed on right.

The alternative, is to hold it all in and let it come out in more self destructive and harmful ways.  That is not tough, that is just plain stupid.

So whatever you have heard about crying being associated with weakness…forget it.

Studies reveal quite clearly that letting it all out and having a cry helps reduce stress hormones, promotes physical health, supports your immune system, gives you perspective and a sense of calm after the tears have been shed.

If don’t buy into this reality, then you best just tip your cap to the ladies, because they will have one up on you.

5. Avoid Rebound Relationships….Keep it in your pants for awhile

rebound

When people are in pain, they seek solace…they seek to find a place where they can get some relief, even if it is just for a few hours.

This is why alcohol and substance abuse and other addictive behaviors can threaten your personal welfare immediately following a break up with your ex gf.

Remember, your are responsible for your actions and the last thing you want to do is sink deeper into the muck of your emotions.

Going out and having a quick fling can not only cause you to feel guilty and regret your behavior, but if your actions are later discovered by your ex girlfriend, it will likely sink any chances you had to reconcile.

Now that your dating status has changed, others may try to take advantage of you.

Steer clear of making any plans of going out on any serious dates or hooking up with anyone during the early stages after your break up.

Trust me, things can get very complicated and confusing fast in the dating world and it is no fun getting emotionally whipsawed as you sort through everything that is coming at you.

Getting it on too soon with someone else will do just that.

6. Don’t Play the Blame Game Both you and your ex gf made mistakes.  

fights start

The past is behind you.

It is the future, with or without your ex gf, you need to focus on now.

Too often after a break-up, I have seen far guys rest their soul in a place of bitterness.

This is a perfectly natural impulse and should be expected, but don’t give in to these darker emotions.

Look, your ex girlfriend may have said and done some really stupid things.  Heck, you may have said and done worst things.

In my experience, when break ups occur, there is plenty of blame to pass around.

The sooner you wipe the slate clean and choose not to dwell on all of the mistakes you both made, the sooner you can get on with healing.

Let your focus be about constructing a game plan to get your girl back.

Now, I don’t have any validated evidence to prove my next statement, but my experience in dealing with Exes has taught me that women tend to take a longer time to stop playing the blame game.

So part of the reason why you are experiencing a shutdown of communications with your ex-girlfriend may be because she is still harboring some really angry and resentful thoughts toward you.

They may be churning over in her mind day after day.

So if this is true, then it serves as yet another reason not to rock her boat by lashing out back at her or doing something idiotic in trying to get her attention.

Just let the embers cool down.

PHASE  II – The Different Faces of No Contact

 

enjoy-the-silence

7. Repeat The No Contact PeriodDo I hear 30 days….45 days…60 days.

So let’s say that following the break up, you initiated a 30 day No Contact Period in which you were not suppose to communicate with your ex gf, even though you experienced many tantalizing moments of wanting to reach out to her.

But let’s just say you got through it without giving in.

Now let’s say that throughout this 30 day period of no contact with your ex gf you never heard from her.

Sure, you religiously followed the No Contact Rule, but you were hoping to hear from her.

But nothing happened on her end.

So if you followed the advice I have offered in the past, you would have embarked on an effort to initiate contact with your ex gf through what I call a “First Contact” text message.

I have written extensively about this process and how it is done and have provided ample examples which you can find in multiple posts and all of my e-books.

But let’s go on to say that even after doing your best to get a response from your ex girlfriend after using those tactics, you failed.

I bet you are feeling pretty down in the dumps.

It is OK.  I never said this would be easy.

These kinds of situations in which a guy is trying to pry himself back into his girl’s life after a breakup are almost always very challenging.

So what do you do now?

Well, let me assure you of one thing.

It ain’t over yet and you better not give up because there are many more stones left unturned.

I would suggest your next logical course of action is to institute another course of No Contact.  But this time, make the period longer.

Why should you institute another No Contact Period?

Well, for starters, we are not yet in desperate times.

It is not like that scene from “The Graduate” where that guy runs to the church where his girlfriend is getting hitched and he starts pounding on the window, screaming her name.

graduate

Pick a time period and stick with it.

Why a longer period?

It is simply because you can’t rush these things.

The less you overreact to the fact that your ex gf still has not contacted you….the greater your chances that you will not come off as being desperate or needy.

Give her time.

And give yourself more time to become the best version of yourself which I will talk about more in a few minutes.

As I said, there are no guarantees even if you follow these tactics to the tee.

But I do firmly believe you can enhance your chances significantly if you follow the template I am laying out for you.

8. Unscramble Your Mind –  It can be your undoing

scrambled

So you still have not heard from her yet.

You wonder if you ever will.

You know you are not suppose to contact her until the designated No Contact period is over.

Has your ex girlfriend completely scrambled your mind?

Well, if you are in No Contact, we need to do something about that.

Because the more you think about it, the more you will feel inclined to do something about it.

And if you start reaching out to your ex girlfriend in a desperate like fashion, it will only dim your chances.

We cannot be certain as to how all this will work out.

She may eventually respond…maybe sooner than your realize and things can slowly get back on track.

Or she may have decided she wants a complete break from you.

In her mind, she may have concluded that the relationship is completely over.

But my experience in these matters teaches me that women can be fickle as their emotions and “true feelings” have yet to settle in.

She can go from despising you and never, ever wanting to see or talk to you again….then in a couple of days or weeks….she can move into a state of mind where she entertains the plausibility of re-exploring a relationship with you.

Meanwhile, if your brain is moving at a thousand miles a second trying to process all of these possibilities and decipher meaning from everything…you will slowly become unglued.

You need to seriously get unplugged.

You need to unscramble your mind so you can draw closer to feeling whole again, even without her in your life.

You will need to find this state of mind and reside in it in order to optimize your chances of getting your ex gf back because when you do eventually communicate with her, you will need to have your sh#t together, if you know what I mean!

Yep, you are probably in dire need of getting Unscrambled.

scrabble

Have you ever played SCRABBLE? Here is a little word puzzle that I want you to SOLVE.

I know you can!

And you really need to, because by solving this word puzzle, you will learn one of the most valuable lessons I could ever teach you.

Ok, are you ready?

Go to it!

Decipher this 3 word phrase….

“ELSS   SI  RMOR”

Ok…did you solve it yet?  No fair looking down the page for the answer!

I hope you are working on solving this little puzzle.

I assure you, it will help you immensely in your quest to reunite with your ole girlfriend.

Alright, so if your unscrambled the phrase correctly, it would reveal:

“Less is More”

Sometimes it is wise to do less until it is time to do more, but it not time for any Hail Mary’s.

That hardly works.

They usually backfire.

I know it sounds the opposite of what you should do, but often the worse thing boyfriends can do in trying to retrieve their ex gf is to try too hard.

This is why your are instituting a second NO Contact Period.

Now, I am not saying I will not provide you with a few clever tactics you can employ.

I will.

But any behaviors signaling your desperation or any notions of giving her an ultimatum, will usually be met with failure.

Even when you are finally able to break through to her and communications begin, the doctrine of “less is more” will serve you well.

Even then, you will proceed slowly and cautiously so as not to spook your ex-girlfriend or antagonize her in anyway.

Yes…. there is still much for you to learn!

8. Ex Girlfriend Recovery School of Thought #1  – Don’t Violate the No Contact Rule

school

I don’t think I can make it much clearer.

If you are embracing the tactic of using the No Contact Rule, then stick with it.

Not contacting your ex girlfriend means not initiating any communications with her during the no contact period.

That is the traditional way of implementing the No Contact Rule.

What if she finally reaches out to you?

Should your break the No Contact Rule to talk with her?

My answer is quite complicated because it depends on many things.

If this is the first time through the No Contact Period, then usually the answer is NO, don’t respond to your ex gf as of yet.

There are exceptions depending on various factors.  You may have children together or joint finances and something significant has come up (e.g. a true emergency) that will necessitate a conversation.

lf this is the case, keep things strictly non-personal and try to wrap up the conversation.

But it is important to maintain a positive demeanor in all your dealings with your Ex.

Another exception is what I refer to as the “Positive Trending” exception.

If your ex-girlfriend initiates multiple positive efforts to communicate with you and you are at least halfway through the No Contact Period, then you should capitalize on the opportunity.

In my e-books,  I discuss extensively the various text and communication methods you can use to move the conversation eventually into a  meet-up.

Remember, little steps are the key.

9. Ex GF Recovery School of Thought #2 –  A No Contact Redux – respond to their first nibble, but take things real slow.

Because we are such complex creatures, no one method works for everyone.

Sometimes the tactics and strategies need to be tweaked to work in various situations for different types of individuals.

Hence, it is from this type of logic and insight regarding the psychology of people that the School of Thought #2 emerges.

If you are instituting either your first version of No Contact, but particularly if you are in the second run of No Contact, you may want to leverage the opportunity to respond to your ex girlfriend if she finally makes an effort to communicate with you.

The Second School of Thought on this subject of No Contact takes into account that some relationship break-ups may not be as serious or disruptive as others.

Hence, after a reasonable period of time has elapsed, if you receive a positive inquiry from your ex gf, then you should cultivate that opportunity.

This School of Thought also takes into account that if we are engaged in the Second No Contact Period, that any effort made by your former girlfriend to talk with you is most likely done in good faith and that sufficient time has already elapsed for both of you to have gained some perspective and experienced some personal healing.

But I again remind you the golden rule…”less is more”.

Take things very slowly.

You may be ready to address the relationship needs going forward, but you cannot assume your ex girlfriend is completely there emotionally.

And even if you think you are both ready to try things out, just understand that each of you may still face some new insights and emotions as you re-enter into the relationship.

It is great that you have a chance to talk and eventually meet up again.

But you both have work to do to reduce the risk of repeating the same mistakes that led to the breaking off of the relationship.

PHASE III –  Becoming You and Yourself (Only if your Ex Girlfriend knew!)

your awesome

 

10. Fitness – Your Mind and Body are connected

So while you are in the No Contact phase of trying to win back your girlfriend, it behooves you to place a premium priority on fitness.

Study after study supports the physical and emotional health benefits of a regular fitness program.

As I have explained earlier, odds are that you are an emotional mess.

The stress of a relationship ending can have profound emotional and physical drawbacks.

You may have frequent bouts with loss of appetite, loss of sleep, fatigue, headaches, heightened levels of stress, and many other undesirable outcomes.

So if you have not done so already, then I want you to embark on a ROBUST fitness program.

Right now!

That’s right, this very minute!

Just stop reading and go put on your running shoes or grab your bike or engage in whatever fitness activity you enjoy.

That’s right!  Make this the last sentence your read and when you get back, you can pull up this post and continue on.

Ok, so hopefully you did what I suggested because the very act of working out does amazing things for your body and mind.

And if you want to become the best version of yourself, then you will need your body and mind working as one.

And I am not talking about a “one and done” type of fitness workout.

What I want you to do is embark on a NEW routine in which your exercise at least 45 minutes five times a week.

Hey, I practice what I preach.

To keep my sanity, I workout at least 60 minutes every day.  And I am incredibly happy with my relationship, but I still feel the need to do so.

The mind and body are very much connected.

If you wish to optimize your chances with your ex and enjoy the many synergistic benefits of exercise, you need to make a Commitment to Fitness.

11. Wealth – Growing your Personal Assets

trickle down

This section of the Training Module (Phase III) is all about you realizing your potential.

Working to improve your wealth can help you with increasing your sense of self worth and also send a clear signal to your ex gf that you are a successful guy, serious about the business of growing your capital.

So what do I mean by growing your capital?

Most people usually tell me that I must be talking about growing one’s financial wealth…getting that promotion your have striven for in the past…..or moving on to a new job…or launching your own business.

And yes, these would all be examples of growing your capital wealth.

But wealth management is not just about money.

It is also about growing your spiritual wealth.

This can be done in many ways.

Participating in this training module is a small example.  Reading and embracing the concepts, strategies, and tactics I lay out in my popular e-books is another example.

Integrating a new experience into your life such as Yoga or Meditation are other examples.

Growing the wealth of your knowledge and putting away the things from your past that prevent you from realizing your personal goals….these are also examples of wealth management.

12. Friends Indeed – Are Friends You Need

friends

As we make our way through the process of becoming the best version of ourself, we must not forget the importance of our social circles.

Many times, when confronted with a personal setback, people will retreat into themselves.

And while it will be difficult for some of you, particularly in those early days following the ex girlfriend breakup, you will need to carry on with the routines of your life.

But you will discover there is a void.

That part of your social life that was previously filled with your ex girlfriend, is missing.

You can’t walk around with that big hole in your life as it will constantly remind you of what you are missing.

So expand your circle of friends.  Reach out to your family more often.  Spend more time with your friends.

Engage with the world, even if you still feel the pain of separation from your ex.

If you don’t, it will be your downfall.

How do you do this?

I think you know.

But if you are looking for a few ideas, try signing up for new things…. experiences you have not tried before.

Meet new people.

Hang out with your friends, even when you don’t feel like it at first.

The inertia of friendship is an amazing thing.  No matter how crappy and down in the dumps you feel as a result of not hearing a word from the ex gf…do not sulk…just get on with it.

Once you are with a friend or friends, you will swept up by their company.  Your state of mind will move into a positive zone.

One other piece of important social advice.

When you are out and about and talking it up with others, absolutely do not discuss or get baited into discussing your ex.

13. Personal Interests – Expanding your social outreach

interest

The real you is not going to just hang around the house and mope around.

You are bound to have some really interesting personal interests such as reading, cooking, playing pool, watching movies, or playing tennis.

Part of recovery is shaping your mind around old and new hobbies and other activities you enjoy.

The Idle Mind is the Devil’s Playground.

Keep busy.

I strongly suggest you pick up at least one new hobby or activity and throw yourself into it.

I had one client who decided to open up his life to become a Big Brother.

There are lot of kids who do not have good role models in their life and so he decided to volunteer some of his time to a local chapter that helped under privileged kids connect with role models.

Sometimes to help yourself, you need to help others.

In the process of doing so, you discover something new about who your are.

You also become engaged with an activity that is constructive in positively shaping another person’s life.

This pursuit is the very same thing you are striving to accomplish with your ex gf.

As you see, there is a method to my teachings.

Help others…help yourself…and find that lane in life where you become the best version of who you can be.

If you ask me, these are all personal development experiences that will not go unnoticed by the people around you…maybe even your ex.

Indeed, we are going to make sure she notices!

14. Resume Casual Dating Taking it slow

dating

When I suggest personal developmental activities, it usually results in having multi faceted benefits.

I discussed earlier about thinking twice about immediately rushing into another serious relationship right after you and your ex-girlfriend call it splits.

But I do think that after some time has passed, it will likely prove advantageous for you to do some casual dating.

Obviously, one benefit is that if your ex gf finds out about your casual dating habits, it may actually work to your advantage (i.e. playing the jealousy card).

But if you re-enter the dating scene and it is surrounded with a lot of fanfare and juicy rumors, it may very well work against you.

So the better play is to keep it strictly casual and fun.  Double date or go with a group somewhere.

Just getting out there in the dating world, accompanied by some friends, can do wonders for your self esteem and attitude, even if the date is just very casual.

But be careful not to get too caught up in the dating scene, because after all, your primary objective is to arouse some interest from your ex gf….not to anger her and cause the distance between the two of you to grow.

PHASE IV – Still Have Not Heard From Her – Little Steps Add Up to Big Moves

success

15.The Principle of “Being There” Life is a State of Mind

Have you ever heard of the principle of “Being There”?  So you are probably thinking, “what the devil does that mean”?

There is this amazing movie that was made some years ago, called “Being There”.  It starred a guy named, Peter Sellers, who made some pretty amazing flicks such as “The Pink Panther” and “Dr. Strangelove”.

Well anyway, in this movie, “Being There”, Peter Sellers plays this guy whose name was Chance.

Chance was a gardener who worked at an old, rich man’s estate.

It turned out that Chance had no last name.  He was just called Chance.

The old, rich guy had taken Chance in when he was a small, orphaned boy. Chance literally lived only within the walls of the mansion and his favorite pastime was watching television.  He loved watching television and that was his portal to the outside world.  And  the only time he was allowed outside was to work in the garden.

Chance loved his garden and it was through that experience that he learned some valuable lessons about the world around him.

Well, early on in the movie, old rich man dies, leaving the estate in probate.  The lawyers came and make poor old Chance (the Gardener) leave.

And for the first time in his life, Chance embraces the strange world outside of the mansion.

It is quite a movie to watch as everyone who Chance meets mistakens him for being someone who he is not.

He had that effect on people.

Chance was not a very bright man, but he had great insight into the importance of simplicity and staying on one’s true course in life.

Toward the end of the movie, Chance had met many people in the world from all walks of life, including the President of the United States.

Chance was even mistaken for being a great Economist because when he talked about working in his garden, he spoke in terms of seasons and growth.

“There will be growth in the Spring”, Chance told a gathering of movers and shakers.

Of course, Chance was talking about the growth of the plants in his old garden back at the mansion, but the power brokers thought he referred to economic growth and were very much buoyed by his optimism

That is all he needed to say to convince the political power brokers to nominate Chance for President of the United States as a new election was nearing.

The last shot of the movie reveals Chance, who was a simple and patient man, actually appearing to walk on water.

The last line of the movie was, “Life is a State of MInd”.

So what I want you to do is take a page from the Book of Chance.

Just as he taught, the pursuit of important and meaningful things (i.e. getting your ex-girlfriend to respond to you) is a series of little steps.

And like the garden analogy, which Chance explains masterfully in the movie, first you must plant the seeds (i.e. tactics), taking care to water and cultivate as needed.

Not all seeds will germinate, but you employ patience and continue to sow your seeds until eventually one or more of your seeds sprouts to reveal some growth.

This could take days, weeks, or months, but eventually there will be some growth from your efforts.

From there you nurture your plant, slowly and patiently.

That was the genius behind Chance.

He believed in the natural seasons of life.

Seasons of a Troubled Relationship

In our lives we go through different stages, just as there are seasons of a troubled relationship.

The Book of Chance teaches us that each Season (i.e. phase of the break-up and recovery process)  is necessary.

We learn to let the Seasons play out….run their course.

Patience and faith are rewarded in the world of Chance the Gardener.

With the temperature break in the weather, first comes Fall.

This represents the plunging direction of the relationship with your ex.

Things are bad and are about to get worse.

Just as in the season of Fall, as the leaves turn in color and fall from high above, your relationship with your ex girlfriend can descend to lower depths .

With each passing day, relations with your ex girlfriend will grow colder and more frosty.

Then comes winter.

It is cold, harsh, and all growth comes to an end in this environment.

This is the period signaling the break-up with your girl.

Every effort you make to resume the relationship is met with cold resistance.

But this is not the time to lose hope.

As Chance advocated, “There will be growth in the Spring”.  

Now, the winter period can last a long time.

But winter has it place in the recovery process.

For a tree to prosper, winter is a period where the energy of the tree is focused on its roots.  This process is healthy for the tree and promotes growth in the long run.

You too can experience personal growth during the winter of your discontent.

Eventually, Spring comes into your life.

With Spring, you begin sowing some seeds.  I think of these as strategies and tactics.

The No Contact Period is a developmental strategy.

The teachings I provide on how to initiate your “First Contact” messages is a tactic.

There are many other tactics (i.e. seeds you can sow).

With most gardens, there will be growth in the Spring.  And in the Summer, the growth will bear fruit.

Such is the Wisdom of “Being There”!

16. “Social Network” Leveraging your Social Media Resources

social network

Your friends and social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter can be your “enablers”.

So what is an “Enabler”?  It is defined as:

“a person or thing that makes something possible.”

These individuals and media platforms can be your co-conspirators as you hatch out your moves.

In many cases, the Phase III activities you have chosen to invest in (e.g. fitness, wealth, casual dating, etc) will be noticed by your ex.

It is unpredictable how your ex gf will respond to those efforts, but your friends can be coaxed to sprinkle out tidbits of information about you and the things you are now doing.

These little updates, when conveyed to your ex-girlfriend,  will invariable work on her….if not consciously…certainly at the sub-conscious level.

Remember, no matter what your former girlfriend might tell herself on a conscious level, the subconscious is the ultimate truth machine.

conscious-subconscious

It is there where the strong bond and connection you have with her (i.e. assuming the two of you were close before the break up) exists.

Studies reveal that it is mighty difficult for that bond to be completely severed.

The pics you post on social media sites will also most likely be noticed.

But a word of advice.  Remember the lessons of “less is more” and “Being There” where you want to take little steps…little things add up to bigger things.

You certainly don’t want to make silly moves like blocking her out of revenge.

Nor do you want to post a pic of you laying a big fat kiss on some other gal.

Keep the images positive and upbeat.

Let your social profile reveal that your life is moving forward, but you need to strike a balance.

You don’t want her thinking you are out there partying it up and acting irresponsible.

And remember, it is likely she will be checking up on you via social media, irrespective of how ugly things may have gotten in the past.

My advice of taking things slow and keeping it positive also extends to your friends.

If they pass on little status updates about about you, it needs to come off as perfectly natural and not solicited by you.

And the updates should range from sounding neutral to slightly positive.

You don’t want your friends passing on negative information such as you complaining about how awful she treated you.

Indeed, it should be quite the opposite.

They should represent you as having never uttered a negative thing about your ex-girlfriend.

What you are doing is slowly working on her conscious and subconscious states of mind.

You are sowing seeds.

17. “Message in a Bottle” – Upping the Ante

future

Sometimes it pays to be a tiny bit bold.

And this tactic fits the bill.

If you have had no success in getting a response of any kind from your ex and you have tried all the tactics thus far discussed, then employ the Message in the Bottle strategy.

It is simple and straightforward.  The risk is small, because after all, there is not much left to lose.

Indeed, this strategy mitigates much of the risk because of it’s creative and novel approach. It is intended to tickle her fancy.

Here is how it works.

You can go to one of those shops that deal in selling empty wine bottles.

They will even put a label on it for you.

Or you can just find an empty, clear wine bottle.  It is important that the bottle is clear, so she can see the rolled up note you will put inside.

And that is the next step in the process.  Find a piece of paper.  It can be regular printing paper or you can get a nice, bordered piece of paper.

Write her a little note.  Remember, “less is more”.  It can say something like:

“It’s been awhile. Just thought I would drop you a line. Take good care now!”

“Seemed like a good idea to reach out.  If you want, put in a new note and “pass it forward”.  It might just make someone’s day!”

Once you have your message, place it in the bottle and cork it.  Some of these little shops that deal with specialized gifts and crafts will actually cork and seal the bottle for you.

That is what I would do as it makes your bottle look even more unique. It will be readily apparent to your ex gf that you put a lot of thought and effort into it.

You can have the bottle placed into a small, protected box and mail it to her.  Don’t give it to her and don’t have someone else deliver it to her.  Just mail it.  Everybody likes to open little packages.

You never know what might trigger your ex gf to finally reach out to you.

18. “War of the Roses” – A little spark of romance

bacon roses

We just really never know what will cause your young lady to respond to you after you have made numerous attempts through conventional methods.

So my thinking is if the conventional does not work …then go old fashioned.

Once again, bear in mind the principle that “less is more” if you give this a try.

Go buy a single rose.

Red will do, but if you know her favorite, then get that color.

Now, let’s talk about the note that will be with it.  You could make it from Anonymous. Chances are that she will suspect it is from you which is what you want her to think.

Or you can write a little something on the note.   But i would suggest you leave it unsigned.  Again, she will very likely know it is from you.

Need some ideas?  Here are a few:

“May this bring you a little ray of sunshine” (unsigned)

“I just wanted to tell you thank you for the precious memories” (unsigned)

19. “Back To The Future”Creating a Special Thank You (make a website)

back to the future

This idea may not be for everyone, but everyone out there could definitely pull it off.

When I asked my wife to marry me, I created an elaborate experience for her.  It involved lot of stuff and I won’t bore you with all the details, but one of the things I did was create a special little website just for her.

It does not cost much to purchase a unique domain name ($3.99) and you can get a hosting account for $6.99/month or less.

You can use WordPress to set up the website or work with one of those companies that will assist you in setting up the site.

If you keep it simple, you can do all of the work yourself.  Maybe you have a friend or a friend knows someone that could help you out.

What you would want to do is create a website for your Ex.

Use her name as the domain name.  The website would be a big Thank You for all the good memories you have had with her.

You can upload and post a few Pictures.  You can write a little story recapping how much your appreciate her.

Be sure that whatever you post on the site is not going to create privacy issues or embarrass her.

The idea is to impress her with your thoughtfulness and hopefully the pics will resonate.

Keep it simple.  Just a few pics.

You are not trying to create an entire story of your times with her.

That will be too much.

Your aim is to try to stimulate a response from her.

It should represent a digital Thank You Card with a few pics and words of appreciation.  It is meant to represent a classy gesture.

So sometimes, you have to travel back to the past in order to positively affect an outcome in the future…just like what Marty did in the movie, “Back to the Future”

Now let’s talk about how you want her to find out about it.

There are many, many millions of websites.  So she will not just stumble over it, unless she is doing a Google search using the exact name of the domain.

What I would suggest is instead of emailing or texting her the link (as she may not ignore those efforts)…..have a friend pass on the link (i.e. website’s url).

20. “The Batman Effect”Using the Thrill Factor

batman

This strategy can be a very effective tactic in the early stages of the meet up.

I know..I know…I know.   You may still be working at getting her to just respond to you. But I am thinking ahead here!

A lot of my clients get as far as the meet up.  They arrange to have a non threatening, low key, low pressure meet up and it it usually goes OK.  But often them come back to me reporting that there really were no sparks.

What do they do next?

In such a situation you may only have one more shot on goal.

What I advise to my clients is to use the Batman Effect to their advantage.

Ideally, you can employ this effect in the first or even second meet-up with great results.

Ok…here is how it works.  And yes, once again, science will be on your side.

The dark knight was constantly chasing  thrill after thrill.

When he was Bruce Wayne, he was a rather dull, superficial playboy, unable to form any lasting bonds with women.

But when he became Batman, the women around him were fascinated and drawn to him like a magnet.

Why do the women love Batman?

People are attracted to the the thrill.

They want to experience something exciting, thrilling, even somewhat frightful so long as there are boundaries.

For example, walking through a haunted house can be fun, exciting, thrilling, and a bit scary.

Riding on a roller coaster can really get the juices flowing.

I once took my wife up in a big hot air balloon and we were both found the entire experience to be thrilling and fulfilling in many ways.

Something wonderful happens to our brain when we get all excited.

Essentially we get all juiced up, but in a natural way.

This chemical bath we end up experiencing is triggered by hormones that are released (oxytocin) which causes a profound desire to bond.

This is what you are counting on.  You want your girlfriend to take a chemical hormone bath of the brain.

This is what you can do to strengthen the connection.

Now, don’t go out and don a Batman suit. That is not quite what I had in mind.

But I am sure you can engineer an outing with your ex gf (along with some friends to play it safe) such that the two of you experience one of the thrills of your life.

21. “Castaway” Go Missing – Sort of – On Purpose

wilson

Now this strategy is a bit tricky to pull off properly I must admit.

But I have seen it work.

What you want to create in your ex girlfriend’s mind is this sense that your are gone and no one seems to know where you are.

Now, I am not suggesting you go off to an island and make friends with a soccer ball, called Watson.

But with a little help from your friends, you can create this little drama of you being gone.

Careful you don’t overplay your hand.

If it is laid on too thick, the Ex may see right through your gambit.

Or, if too much worry and consternation is attached to you “being gone”, then you could end up scaring your ex gf.

That is NOT what you want to accomplish, because you will have hell to pay when she catches wind that you set her up for an emotional roller coaster ride.

What you want to see happen is over time (i.e.g a few days up to a week) your ex girlfriend begins to slowly wonder where you are off to.

You want her to think many things about where you are and what you are doing.

That is the emotional edge of curiosity your are trying to ferret out to get her curiosity aroused to a higher level.

You can use friends to gently make inquiries of her about whether she has heard from you.

This needs to be spread out over several days to be most effective.

Remember, you are not trying to scare her into  checking up on you.

Rather, you are trying to slowly arouse her curiosity through the use of subtle inquiries instigated by your absence and posse of friends.

In effect your are trying to grease the emotional skids and just maybe you might ferret out a response from your Ex.

22.  “The Goodbye Girl”It’s Time to Say Farewell (Not Really)

alrighty

With this strategy, you are hoping to appeal to your ex girlfriend’s good sentiments to meet you halfway.

While this is not a last ditched effort, we are getting close to the end of the game.

I consider this a binary event, which is essentially something you try that either immediately fails or possibly pays dividends.

It is something you would typically try after a long spell of No Contact, followed by some failed efforts to resume communication.

So instead of throwing in the towel, you make another effort.

First you need to reinstitute No Contact (2nd Effort) for several weeks, then out of the blue, you send her an email extending an offer.

Don’t try to communicate your intentions by text, because what you have to say is too long.

What you want to convey is that you are extremely thankful for all the good things she has done for you.

You tell her you simply want to say a final goodbye to your ex gf in person.  You explain there is not a trick, nor any attempt for drama.

Given all that you have both invested into the relationship, explain that you simply want to meet with her in a social, non threatening setting in order to personally thank her for the enriching experiences she provided to you.

To help ward off her natural hesitation to meeting with you, explain that the meet-up need only last a minute at most.

Tell her she can bring a friend if it makes her feel more comfortable.  Tell her she has your complete and honorable commitment that you will live up to what you have described in your communication.

Now the ball is her court.

You have nothing to lose.

You are counting on the emotion of a “final goodbye” to wedge itself in such that if she still has feelings for you, they will be revealed to her in that moment.

Even if it does not work in the short run, it could work in the mid or long run.

She is aware you made the classy gesture.  Sometimes these things take time.  You plant a seed.  It may take many weeks or months to grow.

Handle everything with kindness and patience.

If she declines, respond in “brief” that you completely understand and tell her Thank You for even considering your gesture (call her by name).

Nothing corny.

You have sowed another seed.

PHASE V – When You Think You Have Tried Everything

dog gone

 

23. The Great Ex GF EscapeConsider you may be much better off without her

Despite all of your best efforts and after turning over every stone in the field, you are left with contemplating what your future holds.

There is this wise little fellow I like to quote.  He said that, “The future is always moving”.

It is meant to be taken as a piece of philosophy but in reality it is predicated on quantum physics.

Our futures are unknown to us, yet we can take steps to shape them.  While we don’t have full control of the outcomes of our lives, we do exert a great deal of influence.

So you can either float around like a feather and allow the winds of randomness just buffet you around.

Or you can take affirmative steps and go forward in your life without the girlfriend you once thought was the love of your life.

Trust me…there is plenty of love out there.

There are plenty of opportunities for you to give and receive this love.

24. “The Lighthouse” –  Moving on up. Your tomorrows are full of promise.

You have moved on up through the Value Chain, employing all the strategies and tactics that I have shared with you.

Yet still no results.

Sometimes it is not meant to be.

Resign yourself to putting your Ex on a perpetual No Contact Period.

At this stage, the ball is totally in her court.

You have not left any stones unturned.

Consider this last tactic a Beacon.

You are there…she knows how to reach out to you.

You have not blocked her on any social media platforms.  You might just hear from her.

After all, you made many efforts.

But let me be very clear on my next point.

You are NOT to put your life on hold, waiting for her to possibly someday contact you.

You cannot look backward any longer.  At this stage, you need to operate on the firm belief that you will NEVER hear from her again.

You need to move forward.

And if miraculously, you later hear back from your ex girlfriend, many months or years later, I want you to think long and hard about whether you want her back in your life.

25. Deepen Your Knowledge with Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro

There is only so much I can cover in my website posts.

This post and the Training Module that is included within the post is not anywhere near as comprehensive as my core e-book product which walks you through the entire process of getting your Ex back.

So when I talk about not leaving one stone unturned…well you best take a look at this popular resource that I personally developed for guys struggling to win back their ex-girlfriend.

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

		

Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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314 Comments on "My Ex Girlfriend Hasn’t Contacted Me…. Do I Even Have A Chance?"

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Dallas
Guest
Hello, So my ex girlfriend and I broke up about a year and 3 months ago. She left me for another guy. I of course chased her because I didn’t know what was going on in my head. So after failing and she blocked me I went to the internet and found your website. I then started the no contact with her and found me another woman in the mean time she took my mind off of my ex. My current girlfriend and I started to have problems as every relationship does but it just wasn’t the same as it… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Dallas,

You can still try nc again. Do at least 30 days this time and then take it slow in building rapport after.. Avoid jealousy posts too.

Jones
Guest
Hi, my longtime girl left me on 3.12.17 and it was her choice, she didn’t feel like she could be with me anymore or in a relationship at all. Of course i tried my best and tried reasoning with her, but she had made her choice already, and i couldn’t do anything about it. We were both insecure, i think she was more but my insecurity was probably hurting our relationship more, because my friend became really close friends with my girl and all my powers went into basically hating him. I apologized to her about what i’ve did etc… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jones,

it would be better if you let her be, just make your posts public.

Angelo
Guest
What does it mean if my ex girlfriend of a few months is uncomfortable around me? We see each other often, but today I found out from a mutual friend that she’s uncomfortable about the fact that I’m attending a wedding that she too will be attending. It’s a mutual friends wedding and we both are attending it. She isn’t bringing a date and neither am I. The mutual friend decided to put us at separate tables, which is fine, but now I wonder did she request that. Thing is, I don’t interact with her much. I see her often… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi angelo,
Because your her ex.. It’s awkward when people start to ask or how to act around you..

Milos
Guest
Dear Amor, my situation is 1 in 100.000 i think 🙂 and I appreciate your opinion and thank you for your time in advance. Situation: relationship of almost 4 years. Without any break ups or bigger fights. I was busy and depressed with the job. It reflected on her. she did not like my behavior sometimes but she always was telling me that she loves me and she told me every time that she had nice time with me. we had very similar interests. we talked about the break up, but every time SHE mentioned it (after my impulsive reactions… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor
Rodger
Guest
So i lied to my ex about having a divorce, i covered it up for a long time. I wasn’t with my wife whom cheated on me anymore. We were seperated, but i lied to my ex about it(whom is also married). Its been a month and she hasn’t contacted me. I have been texting her and sending her emails everyday. Im hurt and lost without her. I was wrong… i know that.. she hasn’t blocked my number and i know she is reading my emails. What does it mean? What should i do? Im lost and will be purchasing… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI Rodger,

are you in the process of getting divorce?

Camden
Guest
Ok, so here is my problem. I used to be a drunk. And my girl had just had enough. I was of emotionally abusive, controlling, and judgemental at the end of it. She said she just couldn’t do it anymore. She lived with me and packed up all of her stuff amd left. I did beg amd i was desperate and needy like hardcore. And she wouldnt message me back or anything. Then three days later, I went to rehab for 28 days and got clean. I sent her a letter and she recieved it on the 20th day I… Read more »
Camden
Guest

Oh amd she wont talk to me or text me or anything whatsoever

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

That means you need to restart nc and to focus in improving yourself and be active in posting.

Mike
Guest
Hi! I need some advice! My ex and I broke up late march. While I have attempted to re-establish contact after a long no contact period via text, her responses are lukewarm at best. Due to circumstances I also happen to see her once every other week in a neutral and social environment. Here, she responds in a positive manner to me when in group, but is noticeably suppressing anger/pain when doing so. What could I do to drop the tension she experiences enough for her get past the pain? I really hope someone can help me! Mike Sidenote: Although… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

how much did you improve? are you still improving yourself? have you initiate a conversation in person?

A guy -
Guest
Hey Amor I need some help , I can’t mention my name , but its like.. I commented previously on 18th , I guess my comment is still under moderation , the thing is tonight , it’ll be her birthday , and I don’t know what would be right to do , just let me know what to do in both cases , if I wish her , or even if I don’t , what to do after that , how should things go on , I know being in no contact means not to contact not even on birthdays… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

if it’s after nc, it’s ok to greet her

A guy -
Guest
Okay!! Hey Chris , AFTER NO CONTACT STORY – So, the issue is I did tried no contact , and we eventually were in talking terms after 2 months of NC , she wished me on my birthday and I tried keeping things slow , and subtle , but on talking to her from her side there were some indications of the fact that break up was a bad idea , she thought she could have put in more efforts , I kept it subtle again by telling her to just let things be , cause it was all in… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

if it’s after nc, it’s ok to greet her

A guy -
Guest
Okayy!! Hey Chris , AFTER NO CONTACT STORY – So, the issue is I did tried no contact , and we eventually were in talking terms after 2 months of NC , she wished me on my birthday and I tried keeping things slow , and subtle , but on talking to her from her side there were some indications of the fact that break up was a bad idea , she thought she could have put in more efforts , I kept it subtle again by telling her to just let things be , cause it was all in… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

if it’s after nc, it’s ok to greet her

A guy -
Guest
Hey Amor! So I was confused , and I looked for help , I saw Chris’s podcasts on YouTube ,where he talked about not wishing them on their birthday and how it helps ! , so basically I did not wished as it’s my second no contact , I am confused that how is it supposed to end ? How am I supposed to initiate the contact at the end , now when I didn’t wished her on her birthday? P.S – That video explained , why not wish and how that helps during no contact , but what after… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

if the birthday is far from the end of nc, just dont mention it and start initiating conversations with her.. if it was near, you can do a late greeting.

Paul
Guest

Hi,

I have a friend that still talks with his ex girlfriends and he told me that talking with them about the mistakes of their relationship really improves his next relationships instead of trying to found out the mistakes on his own.

I still didn’t give up about my ex girlfriend, so asking my girlfriend about that is a good idea? Or it can kill the chances of getting her back? It would be like the topic ““The Goodbye Girl” – It’s Time to Say Farewell (Not Really)”?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Paul,

are you going to ask your ex to get better in your next relationship or to get her back? because if you want to get your ex back, it will depend on what you’re going to ask and how you ask it..

Russell
Guest
I really need some advice. I feel my situation is unique as I can’t seem to find any good advice about it anywhere. For 3 months starting in January I was in a relationship with the best woman I’ve ever met. I am 46 and she is 21 Everything started out great. We had know each other for 18 months working together and after I asked her out she revealed to me that she had had a crush on me the whole time. I was flattered and floored and dumbfounded by this! Our first date was Awesome!!! Our second was… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

If you want to apologize, apologize but proceed to nc after

Jay
Guest
Hi Amor, I finished the 45NC and I reached out with a text which was not threating. Basically a gift she liked and thinking of her. Kinda those ways. I reached out on 47NC and it’s been 4 days and no reply. I’m not sure if I’m blocked on MSM or should I use was sap or other things we used to reachout. She has gone back to the absuive ex and we kinda closed feb but rejected the friends offer. I have improved a lot and have invested into books, specially Chris text bible. How ever I didn’t use… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

I think you should avoid the thinking of you texts for now because you already sent that kind of text.. rest for a week, and then try a text that’s informative or asking an opinion from her..

Rob
Guest

what is the best thing to text an ex after a 45 day nc?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor
Nikolas
Guest

How do you properly pull of the castaway tactic?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Nikolas,

you mean the one after a failed nc? Have you tried to send the suggested email above?

Nikolas
Guest

I havent. i sent the message in a bottle already but she stayed mum, i havent tried castaway, send her email, make a website for her…

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

you have to be careful on doing those, try the email or the thank you website before doing the cast away

Mike
Guest
Hi Chris and Amor, My ex and I have been together almost 2 years, everything was so perfect and I had very good relationship with her parents, especially her Mom. However, my ex broke up with me after a fight about three months ago when she was abroad… Actually, it was me who started to break up when we fought. I was just upset and regretted the day after. She was broken-hearted and didn’t want to break up at first. But after a few days ignoring me she decided to break up instead. I was shocked and hurt when I… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mike,

I think you should restart and do 45 days..this time, dont talk to her mom and don’t initiate a conversation with her mom after nc.. be active in posting your activities in social media so that it would like you accepted her decision and chose to move on..

Samantha
Guest
Update: so my ex called me at work. Caught me offguard. She called to tell me Simone called her looking for me. So she just wanted to make sure I’m not waiting for a call like a dr appt. but she knows out dr. Number she it wasn’t that. The. We just talked on the phone like normal talked about some dog she’s taking care of and after we hung up she even sent me a pic of the dog. I’m gonna start over the 45 day NC. Is this a good sign she didn’t have any info to call… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

yep, it’s a good sign

Samantha
Guest
No we been broken up for almost 3 months. And in the 3 months I never did the No contact rule she would text me super short so don’t sent her flowers on Vday? I still have hope since she didn’t say we don’t have a chance she said I don’t know the future. Should I send her flowers on dead brothers birthday:/ with a note saying something like I hope you and your family get through this tough day get would be 56 of it contact till her brothers bday.. Also b4 the talk I had went snowboarding and… Read more »
Samantha
Guest

Sorry I’m all over the place I meant if I don’t talk to her since the day we had are talk and wait till march 16th her dead brothers bday that would be 56 days of no contact is that to long?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

I think that’s too long.. just do 45 days

samantha
Guest

forgot to mention after she told me she just wants to work on herself i freaked out and said does that mean thats it forever we have no chance of getting back together. and all she said was she does not know the future…. 🙁 im so scared i lost her. for almost a year i told her i was not sure if i wanted to be with her and she used that against me. its really true you dont know what you have till you loose it ;(

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Samantha,

you mean you chased her for 3 months? Then you should really stick to nc.. and I think you should do 45 days

Samantha
Guest
so heres my story i am 29 Lesbian just broke up with my Girlfriend of 4 years on Oct 31st 2016 our lease was up and i was not sure if i wanted to renew it so i broke up with her we acted like we were together till the day we turned in our keys. she moved to her parent’s i moved to my grandmothers. I want her back! and since we been apart ive always texted her and she just started ignoring me ive left flowers in her car took a 5 page letter and left it at… Read more »
Peter
Guest
Hi chris great post, i don’t know if you would be able to help me at all, i’m beginning to get the feeling its a lost cause, which is devastating. roughly around 6 weeks ago my ex girlfriend told me she doesn’t want to speak to me because she found it confusing since we weren’t together. Back story: We had previously been together for around 7 years, we decided to move in together around 2 years ago. We had an argument last year (March 2016) where she left our place and went to stay with her parents. After doing this… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Peter,

yeah, I think you should do a 6 months nc.. to have higher chance of a restart..

Vincent
Guest
My ex-gf broke up with me on December 3, 2016. She said she needed “to be by herself” and “it’s nothing personal, I just don’t want to be in a relationship right now”. She also said “it’s not a dramatic break-up, I just want to focus on me for now”. I accepted all this.. Until I saw her location at some house I have never seen her at before the next night. The insecurity in me came out and called her out for it. I’m sure up to this point, she didn’t hate me cuz she was responding to my… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Vincent,
do a full 30 of no contact and just change and improve yourself..after that slowly rebuild rapport while continuing on improving yourseld

Vincent
Guest

I saw this too late, two days ago I sent her 2 more messages, and she said “You can’t keep texting me”. So I said: “You’re right. I from now on will respect your space. You know how I feel and how to contact me. I wish you well. Goodbye.” I’m going to do 30 days no contact now. Did I make it too obvious?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

nah..that’s ok.. just be active in improving yourself during and after nc.. date others too

Tim
Guest
Alright so heres the story. Me and this gal. We first were friends for a year. Went out for two years. Found out she was talking to another guy and i caught her so eventually long story short we ended up breaking up. We reconciled even spent a night together. But the next day she left my house. Then she asked me whats wrong with her and if she wanted me to leave her alone. From there i had no contact with her whatsoever for half the year. No social media or anything. 6 months later she contacted me congratulating… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Timothy,

move on from her.. You’re a good guy..she can see that, she’s using you for emotional support but she doesn’t love you..

AGuyWhoMissesHer
Guest
Hello Chris/Team, I am looking for advice on a specific situation as I’m not able to find too much on it and I am confused what to do next. Some background, my ex and I dated for 2 years, we lived together for a few months, we are both 23. She got a new job and started talking to another guy quite a lot. I talked to her about it a few times but got nowhere. I was jealous and insecure and I ruined our relationship. I logged into her phone account and checked her texts, she found out and… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi,

right now, you’re just chasing her.. how long did you do nc and how much did you improve?

Noelle
Guest
I cheated on my bf with this guy who had a girlfriend. He then later on broke up with her for me. Seven months later I broke up with my bf for him. Now that his ex lives in the same state as him, now that we are both single this guy I cheated with is always hanging with his ex, he spends the night at her house, he spends 4 days out of seven days hanging out with her. He claims they are still good friends and that she will always have a special place in his heart. For… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Noelle,
Walk away.. I think you know that already, you just dont want to let go

Barry McClintock
Guest
Hello, My girlfriend and I were in a long distance relationship until about 2.5 weeks ago. She broke up with me, and we were both very torn up about it. I begged a little on the phone during the breakup, but in the texts that followed, I was there to be as supportive as I could. I initiated contact until about a week and half ago. Now, I’m trying no contact. How much time do you think I should give her to reach out to me, given long distance? I don’t really want to initiate contact again, but if it… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi,

yes, you can initiate contact after the no contact period..be active in improving yourself during and after nc period

X
Guest
Hi Chris/Team, I’m not sure if this is covered in an article somewhere but I am sort of confused what to do now. Some background, we dated for 2 years, she met another guy and started talking to him a lot, I got pretty jealous and insecure. She broke up with me. We were living together but I moved out a week after she dumped me. That was 3 months ago now. I was pretty needy post breakup so I talked to her a lot, but she was usually pretty responsive. After a while she asked me pretty much to… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi,

right now, you’re just chasing her.. how long did you do nc and how much did you improve?

Matt
Guest
I broke up with my girlfriend of three years for another older woman who had a bf. For seven months that girl was cheating on her bf with me. But now that she’s officially single, I can’t seem to get in a relationship with her. I find myself wanting to spend time with my ex. This girl that was cheating on her bf, she still hangs out with him as well as I hang out with my ex. We badly wanted to be with each other when she was in a relationship, how come we both haven’t made it official?… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI Matt,

We can’t answer exactly why because you’re the only who knows yourself. If you’re confused, ask yourself, what are they both fulfilling in your life?

Diego
Guest
So me and my ex gf broke up 3 months ago.. And for the succeeding weeks after we broke up, i acted needy and begged her to come back and never leave me. The reason behind our break up is lots of arguments. We argue with simple things such as our attitude. Maybe on the 3rd-4th week, from what i realized, i stopped and finally gave her what she wants(which is to let her go). Then i started the NC. It’s been a month now. I haven’t checked on her and gave her the freedom that she wants. My question… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Diego,

How much did you improve and change since starting nc?

Luis
Guest
I went through with the no contact rule and it’s been 7 months since we last spoke. I admit I went the pleading route at the moment due to a surge of emotion in which I couldn’t control myself. After that I’ve been trying to get back on my feet for while, still trying. Did a lot of hobbies and picking up new ones. I was depressed for a very long time and she tried to help but I guess one can only handle so much. People keep telling me to quit and find someone better but I just can’t… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Luis,

Compared to the old you, how much did you improve?

Luis
Guest
I’d say a bit, I have been very active. Joined a couple of associations, started going to the gym and I’ve also been doing a lot of new hobbies. Also started going to a counsellor to help manage my anxiety and previous mentioned problems. But I still know there is much more to be done and a lot more that needs fixing, I’m still trying to manage my problems and I can’t say they are gone. They’ve been with me for so long, even during my relationship with said person. So it’s been a bit of a challenge to get… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Try one last time.. First, she has to think you’ve moved on and improved and just being friendly..and then slowly build rapport and attraction.. If it doesnt work out.. Move on

Girl in need
Guest
My ex and I were doing long distance then he started fooling around with a girl who had a bf for 14 years. Then he broke up with me to be with her even though she has a bf now. My ex bf and I are living in the same zip code, the girl he broke up with me for is now single but they are not bf and gf yet. My ex keeps asking me who I’m talking to, what guy is coming to my house. He asks to see pictures of guys Im talking to see if they… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Natasha, maybe the girl is the one who doesn’t want to be in a relationship yet. Your ex is probably acting possessive out of ego and because he’s used to you being his, so you know, it’s like an ego boost that you’re still talking to him. In his mind he probably thinks,since you’re still allowing it, then why not keep doing it? Why not try to cut all ties with him? Because if you really want him to value you, you have to value yourself. He’s not your boyfriend, if he wants to act one, he has to… Read more »
Crag
Guest
(Important to note that Friendship is my overall end goal as we were friends long before becoming a couple) After a 21 Day No Contact, I didn’t get a reply, therefore after trying again 2 days later again with no reply, I enforced a 30 day NC. However today on Day 9 I found out that she was in hospital so I messaged her to casually ask if she was alright… She read it and ignored me. In 26 Days I’m working not far from where she lives at University so I had always planned that 2 days prior to… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Since you just informed her that’s ok.. But it looks like she just doesn’t want to talk to you, I think she thinks you’re trying to get her back.

Matthew
Guest
My ex girlfriend broke up with me about 6 months ago. Since then we’ve messaged each other a few times, with periods of no contact in between. One day two months ago we went to a concert together and had a great time together and she asked me things about my future and it sounded like we could start things slowly. I asked her out two weeks later and she said she couldn’t because she felt too emotional after the concert night and she just knows it has to be a friendship but that we could meet up occasionally. I… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Matthew,

why did you break up?

Matthew
Guest
She went on a trip with a friend, came back, told me that she was unfaithful and that she’s questioning life and our relationship. After a few weeks of being pissed at her, I said I wanted to work things out because she means a lot to me. But she said, she wanted to go through with the breakup and maybe in the future give it another shot. I saw her once after that (the concert night), and after that she said she can only be friends, which I refused for now and said that we can’t talk for a… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Just take everything as a restart.. be friendly again, and if you ever talk about the past, tell her she’s not that girl to you.

Shay Hopkins
Guest
First of all great article…here’s my story so my lady and I had been together for about seven months she is from a very traditional Hispanic family I met most of her family all of which did like me her parents however had control issues. She is 24 I am 27 her parents would constantly ask her for money and never pay her back and if I was even 5 minutes late from a date when dropping her back off I was disrespecting the house. During intimacy at some point my girl asked me to take her virginity we were… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Shay,
I think you need to do a 45 days and then stick to it.. Unless of course if she wants you back but if she says that, talk first.. talk about what will happen if get mom talk to her again, if she had bad dreams again or bad thoughts which are not true.. in short what will happen if she start to worry unsensibly again

Gregor
Guest
My Ex Fiance (21) broke up with me round 40 days ago. We had some trouble before, i was jeaulus on a nother guy, she called just a friend all the time, and we had some figths. I have my own figth with depprsions and we had some rough times together (we where together for 1 1/2 years). she tried to break up with me but i could make her change her mind for some days until she broke up from the phone from her homecountry (Denmark) i moved out of ouer arpatment and after a week she wrote me… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Gregor,

did you restart the count of no contact and are you actively improving yourself?

Raven Fiorelli
Guest
My ex and I have been together for 1 year and two months and broke up about a month and 20 days ago. She broke up with me because I was being too jealous and over protective when she was hanging out with her friends in Virginia for a month. I was being super needy and acting like a jerk. At the moment she broke up with me temporarily because she wanted to spend her last days with her friends and me not being ridiculous , but I messed it up and asked her a question that I thought I… Read more »
Rui
Guest
Hi! I was dating a girl for almost a month. We have a lot of things in common, but a big problem was my friends… the girls ones… She start to ask me about the girls that are liking my pics at facebook and instagram. Saying that she don´t like woman friends from the gym, and about other girls. Very jealous actually. I´m a good looking guy, I work out for 16 years and she also. 2 weeks ago, she asked me about this kind of thing, I replied very serious and said that I have friends, so whats? After… Read more »
Rui Bittencourt
Guest

Actually, I believe that I was the new boyfriend in a rebound relationship… She is talking with her ex that she filho a lote with… What should I do???

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Rui,

sorry for the late reply.. start active no contact but avoid any jealousy moves for now

She used to fight a lot with Rui
Guest
She used to fight a lot with Rui

She used to fight a lot with…

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Rui,

sorry for the late reply.. start active no contact but avoid any jealousy moves for now

Rui Bittencourt
Guest

Sorry… “he used to fight a lot with him”

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Rui,

sorry for the late reply.. start active no contact but avoid any jealousy moves for now

Rui
Guest
Hi! Well, the last message, I sent was a “goodmornig” at june 13 (she broke up with me at june 6). Then I start ther no contact. As I said, I stop following her at instagram and face. Her insta was private, but last saturday, was public and one post she said: “winter is dangerous” and the picture was the phrase: “for a understanding heart, half miss is enough”. At the end of the day, she put her insta in a private mode. Should I keep the NC for 30 days? Its hard to deal with her jealous… I have… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

yep you should finish nc.. and try going out with friends..coz apart frim improving yourself, you need to heal too

Rui Bittencourt
Guest

I’m doing it. I’m cool actually, but my doubt is about the possibility that I’m the rebound boyfriend. How long time of nc? Too long time could heal, but could help her to forget me also…

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

hmm..well the goal is for her to forget the old you.. coz if you remain present,you might end up friendzoned then

Rui Bittencourt
Guest

Ok! I thought the old me was nice… I never did anything to make her not thrust me. Actually I did everything to get her thrust. But her jealousy and her insecurance complicate our relationship…

Rui
Guest

her “insecurity complicate our relationship”

Rui
Guest
Hi! Just updating… I did 33 days of NC. Today, I sent her a message: – Hi Ana! Good morning. I need your help with something… – Hi!! Good morning. What u need? – Remember when we went to Forneria Copacabana (the name of the place here in Brazil), and we had that amazing wine? – Yes – So… I´m looking for a bottle of that wine to buy, but I already went to 3 different wine stores e I have a terrible doubt… What was the name of that wine? I believe u remember… – Gee… i can´t remember… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

why would you another week? that’s a good text.. either you try again tomorrow or the 2 days after that.

Rui
Guest
Really? I don´t wanna look needy… I´m thinking about the sea as you describe at your website… slowly… I was wondering if I ask her to go out do a tour. Actually, not a date, but a tour, with my jeep wyllis 1974 4×4, large tires… mud, dirty tracks… its something I know she will enjoy a lot, and go luch in a restaurant very simple that I usually go in the middle of the forest. Its a simple, but its a very nice thing to do, and she never did anything like this, but she told me she want… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Wow.. that’s nice.. actaully that’s good.. it looks you’re not going to break it like date to her but you’ll leave her wanting more after that tour, so go ahead!

Rui
Guest
Hi! I sent her a message today in the morning. First time I asked her out, I create a little history. First asked what she preffers, hamburguer and beer, italian food, a movie or coffee. And soon she was responding, I sent her another ask with the previous answer. Ex: she answer italian food, so… to go out have a italian dinner, what u should wear? Pijamas, Long dress, jeans and a t-shirt… If was a jeans and t-shirt… to go out have a italian dinner, wearing a jeans and t-shirt, she… And at the end, I just ask if… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

the last message was too forward… it seems like you just want to have sex with her

Rui Bittencourt
Guest

Was not… I’m really disappointed… She never called me, never reached me out… I’ll walk away…

Rui Bittencourt
Guest
Hi! I have a question. I was talking to a friend of mine, and she said to me: “I would go out with you, but never will get into a relationship with you”. Was a joke, cause she is like a sister to me, but she told me cause I’m a handsome man, very nice guy, great body, but with too mano options… a lot of girls liking my Instagram and Facebook and because of this, she knows that I’m a problem! Would be hard to be confortable… It was exactly what my ex said to me, she complain about… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

take it slow.. and then just be honest new with everything and don’t be flirty with othet girls

Rui
Guest
Ok, but I never flirt with other girls, I was madly in love by my ex and she knows it!! But as she is jelous and insecure, she started to think badly about me and thinks all girls are trying something with me. I realyze that situation yesterday when the friend told me that… And I´m really mad with it. Cause is not my fault! I do have friends, but I never care to them. I never read anything about this situation on your website, cause that I asked… I estabilished NC again and hope she didn´t came back to… Read more »
Rui
Guest

Updating: she´s feeling lonely. She posted on instagram: “sometimes, lonelyness make us very strong, but also make us sensitive enough to give value to the things that are in our own hands”. About that text, when I asked about the wine, maybe she thought I was asking the name to buy that bottle of wine and drink with another girl and it made her be mad with me and simply do not respond the text. What do u think?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

you didn’t mention any girls so relax.. as long as you don’t do any jealousy moves, let her think a little(if that’s what she thinks)

Rui
Guest

No! I´m not doing and won´t do any jealousy moves. She is lonely. But that text message, she could think that I would drink that wine with someone else and get angry, cause later she didn´t reply the other message. This text message was sent 3 weeks ago… I´ll call her… Should i?

Rui
Guest

I never did any jelousy moves with her… She did! I was always ok… but I´m thinking she´s kind of sad inside. I´m really worry. She posted on instagram: “i´m not optimistic, no. I´m prisoner of hope” (it´s a quote from Cornel West). I know I cannot try to understand everything she´s posting… but on the last few weeks, she´s showing not happy and a little lonely. I´m worry, cause I don´t wanna see her like this…

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

if you call her, what would you say? don’t act out of worry or make a move that seems like you’re still concerned of what she posted..when you contact her again, come from a positive point of view

Rui
Guest
I tried call her yesterday at night. She didn´t answer the phone. Of course, maybe she´s traveling, taking a bath… I´m not worry about it. I´m cool… but u know… Then I sent a text by whats app saying: “Hi Ana! I called you just to know how you are. I hope everything is ok.” I´ll live like this. Now I don´t know if the NC helped her to forgot me, or she get upset about something… or she really just want to focus on her study, and prefer being alone, even if make her a little sad… I´m trying… Read more »
Rui
Guest

I won´t say anything about those posts on instagram… I´ll see her one day maybe. Its not a problem… She wants the space… I´ll give it to her. I cannot force anything.

Rui
Guest

the NC didn´t work with me…

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

you’re moving on?

Rui
Guest
Its healthy! Moving on will be better I guess… its not easy. I´m dating and flirtying other girls… I know I´m good looking, I´m very good in aproach and to date. Its not easy move on, cause I really like her. But soon she´s not answering the phone, things get complicate. U know, she is insecure, she is from a very small town, but also, she is very beatiful, and she use to chases me, but I guess I wasn´t to alpha with her. I mean, i use to let her lead sometimes, and maybe that turn her off. I… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

hmm..it maybe repetitive but it’s really just time.. let her cool off.. A little jealousy is ok, but if it’s too much it will keep her from talking to you..

Rui
Guest
I just got out from facebook and instagram. I did this to avoid any jealousy from her, cause it was one of her concerns… Its being 2 months we do not see each other. I believe she saw my instagram a few times, when I put it on public. But also, she could see other girls liking my stuffs and start to think: “I really did the correct thing dumping this guy…”. As i´m not on social media anymore, she cannot know what I´m doing. She could start to wonder what I´m doing and maybe try some contact (I doubt),… Read more »
Rui
Guest
Updating: I talked to a friend of mine that´s also Ana´s friend. I avoid to do that for 2 months… but 3 days ago, I asked her to check if my ex still single or if she´s dating another guy. Seems to be alone still, but not sure, cause she don´t talk to her very offen. Anyway, she said to me she had a bad relationship in the past and cause that she is kind a hard to get. She told me I made a good decision estabilishing the NC, but she will try to figure it out about her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Rui,

how are you now?

Rui Bittencourt
Guest
Hi! Well, Last saturday I sent her a text msg asking about the mud race she rant (I ran too, but didn’t found her there. We talk a little, she said she was wounded, but not a big deal and send me a picture of her hands with some scratches. I thought she was a little cold, but not so cold to ignore me or cut me off. Still at saturday, I said “I’ll call you, ok?” but the msg just reached her after an hour. Than she replied saying: “I’m at my grandmother’s house. Later.” I didn’t called her… Read more »
Rui
Guest

That friend of mine that is also, Ana´s friend talked too much and my ex got mad. I just asked if she was dating someone, but she asked Ana about me… She didn´t liked it and blocked me at instagram and whats app! kkkkkkkkkkkkkk I´m laughing about it… It´s over!

JB
Guest
Dear Chris, I have been with my ex-gf for 3+ years. When we started dating, I was not in love, only until the 1st year that I really fell for her because she was engaged with someone before. Nethertheless, I did not ‘treat’ her properly to her saying. We had a lot of arguments but each time, it brought us closer and closer. 3 years in, i proposed to her to get married. She agreed. But here is the catch (her parents are not ok with that relationship; apparently its because my family is ”too high class” for them). Even… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jb,

let her cool off first..she probably won’t reply because she’s still angry…so for the mean time be busy with other things

Brandon
Guest
Hi guys/girls, I’m sorry for the long novel here… I was just fairly recently left by an ex girlfriend of 2+ years. The relationship was good… Great actually. We rarely argued and fighting just wasn’t our personalities. We started to take the next steps in our relationship by talking about the future and looking at some houses, just for fun. Then my work was trying to move me to another city and she is still in grad school while just starting her career(she is a very independent career driven girl). So she was stressed already and on top of that… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Brandon,

did you really stay? you didn’t proceed to move for new job?

Brandon
Guest

Yes i was told that i did not need to move anymore, and was going to have a final meeting about it the next day. They told me the project was cancelled so I got to stay. it was too late….

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

I don’t think it’s too late.. either she was just realky busy at that time or she’s hesitated because she thinks things might change with you and you will continue to move away.. it’s been a month right? but have you improved yourself physically, socially and emotionally? coz if not, do that first

Brandon
Guest

And again, we never really had any problems other then the very small things that everyone basically bickers about from time to time..

Brandon
Guest

Yes I have been working on myself. It’s been tough with how it happened and so suddenly. But, I do not want to initiate first contact again. I’ve tried and I don’t feel like I’m respecting her space. I mean we had a great relationship. But she is the type of girl who will try to go through with what she decides. At this point I’m more or less just really wondering if I meant anything to her, I thought with how our relationship was we’d be okay. I just don’t know now. No one does

CHARLY
Guest
Hello, my ex and I ended by phone (though I finished our relationship, was more a mutual agreement ), but she tells me that she wants to meet me in person sometime to make things clear and not end badly. But it has been a week and she has not contacted me yet, also she told me that I would know the day we would see… What can I do ?, I applied the zero contact since our break… I still love her and I think I rushed to end the relationship, but I felt a little bad for their… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Charly,

just proceed to no contact since she’s not contacting you too.. if you really want to make it up to her improve yourself during no contact before trying to talk to her again.

dave
Guest
Hi hopefully you can help me with my situation. I was in a relationship for about 7 months with a woman. we were perfect together in the sense of personality traits and qualities she liked in a man. About 3 months ago I was going through some deep mental issues and depression and I was picking fights for no reason. She was my rock, she cared for me, picked me up when I was down, loyal etc. I basically told her I didn’t have feelings or loved her anymore because I was going through too much emotionally. I told her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI Dave,

if it was just because of the fights, you still have a chance.. Just show that you have changed.. and treat nc as a restart.

Roy
Guest
I had been with my gf for about a year, we had taken a break and both agreed that we were still able to hook up with at least 3 people. the reason we decided to take a break was because i never saw her anymore due to her joining a sorority and now they’ve changed her to a complete party girl. I had hurt her by telling her that her “sisters” are a fake and they only want her money and aren’t really there for her, not to mention they all didn’t like me and have constantly told her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Roy,

If you weren’t active when you didn’t talk to her, do that now.. TO make her miss you.. Be active but don’t use jealousy tactics. Change your looks and join other activities or just go out and have fun and then post it. SHow that in your social media posts.

Mick
Guest
It’s been 4 months since the break. She still hasn’t even tried to contact me. We had been together for about 3 years but things started getting shaky once my anxiety and depression started escalating. I ended up getting a surgery which resulted in complications, so I couldn’t really get help for my other problems. This really took its toll on the relationship and she ended up leaving me because “I love you but am not in love with you” and “We’re unhappy in this relationship”. I was unhappy with myself and that made her unhappy but I’ve since healed… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI Mick,

Can you do another nc this time and be active in focusing on yourself?

Chuck
Guest
My GF broke up with me after 3 years of dating because she didn’t see how I would be ready to commit/get engaged in the next 1-2 years. And the problem was I was also saying I have no idea when I’ll be ready. So it was basically that she didn’t see a future anymore because she isn’t going to wait around forever. We are 25 and she broke up with me about 11 days ago now and haven’t heard a peep out of her. Obviously going through the NC rule right now but just curious if she doesn’t contact… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Chuck,

You’re young. You’re not supposed to rush getting married now. If you’re more comfortable waiting for her to initiate after Nc, that’s okay but of course either you initiate or not, we can’t guarantee things will turn better but she’ll probably miss you and initiate if she sees your posts are positive.

Nick
Guest
Chris, Met my girlfriend almost 3 years ago on social media, kept in contact every now and then until we actually met in person at her college 5 hours away from me while I was visiting friends that go there. We became a couple shortly after and I would go down and visit her and she would come visit me. Everything was perfect and then occasionally when we were together we would fight over small things but when we were drunk it would blow up. This has only happened about 3 times. The relationship lasted about 6 months before our… Read more »
Nick
Guest
Also, she is going on a booze cruise for spring break in a couple weeks and I am super nervous about her possibly hooking up with another guy while she is there and then wanting to come back to me once she comes home. I’ve been through that before so I wouldn’t be surprised. Her friends and sorority sisters are also bad influences and most of them are single so I believe that they are persuading her to not come back to me. She claims she’s never been the girl to run back to an ex, however her other ex’s… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Nick,
I know it’s been more than a week but does she really expect you to beg for her? Because that’s not right..that’s more of a reason to give each other space..but if you can talk this out instead of doing nc first then better

Nick
Guest
We’ve talked a couple times since then, in which I attempted to talk things out. I figured after 2 months of being apart, it should be fine to talk things out. All I really got back from her was her telling me that she doesn’t know what she wants. So I told her that I’m not contacting her anymore and she can contact me when she figures it out. That lasted a few days until I drunk texted her a screenshot of one of our old conversations of us being all lovey dovey and she sent me back a broken… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Nick,

sorry for the late reply.. did she reply by now?

Nick
Guest
Yes she ended up texting me late that sunday night apologizing for ignoring me and said she was overwhelmed and didn’t understand why I was saying all of that stuff about wanting her back if I had a thing with another girl (ex saw me flirting with other girls on twitter while checking up on me, she didn’t follow me at the time). I responded the next day and we talked things out and agreed that in order to work everything out we should both let go of whatever happened in the past and work on now. We talked this… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

I think she wants you to put in more effort so she could trust you.

Nick
Guest

After talking it out more today, she finally told me that she feels like she met the right person but at the wrong time and she wants me in her life because i was her bestfriend but she doesn’t want a relationship at the moment.

Nick
Guest
Update: we talked about it again last night and it finally came down to her telling me that she just doesn’t want to be tied down at this moment in her life and asked where that puts us and I told her I have to move on because I’m not playing those games. She said she was really trying to avoid “losing a love and a bestfriend” then went on to say “good bye nick” then 5 minutes later “I still love you” then 7 minutes later she sent a screenshot of one of our old lovey dovey conversations from… Read more »
Nick
Guest

After more talking, apparently the real reason why she doesn’t want to get back together is because she’s “too busy for a relationship”. And then proceeded to tell me that she knows that I don’t want to get back with her. Which made no sense and made her look psycho because I’ve literally been trying my hardest to get back with her.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

yeah, maybe it was her way to rid most of the blame from her.

Nick
Guest
Not sure what to do here now. Part of me thinks that staying in contact with her everyday and talking as if we’re dating again is a good idea because it could make her feel like how she used to and she’ll change her mind and decide a relationship while being “too busy” isn’t all that hard. But it’s torturous because I know everything isn’t back how it used to be. Part of me wants to just drop out of her life completely and let her miss me and realize she screwed up. But her telling me that she completely… Read more »
Nick
Guest
Over a month later and it’s the same deal, we’ll talk for a couple days and then ignore each other for a few days. When I try to talk about it I get “I told you multiple times I want you in my life but I don’t want a relationship so since being in my life and being my person isn’t enough for you maybe we should just stop all communication” which lasts for a few days and then we’re back to joking around with each other a little. I move to college in a couple weeks so we’ll finally… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

I think you’re friendzoned.. well, your last chance would be when you’re in the same area.

Nick
Guest
I sent her a long text the other night basically friendzoning her back like the one article on here suggests. She called me a little while later at 2am while drunk and told me she loves me and wants to be together but without a title so she doesn’t feel guilty about going out with her friends on the weekends instead of hanging out with me, and if a title comes of it down the road then so be it. I told her she doesn’t have to feel guilty and she could go out with her friends on the weekends… Read more »
Nick
Guest

Nevermind, now she changed her mind again, only want’s to be “civil friends” and we’re due to have a face to face conversation sometime soon to establish it.

Adam
Guest
Hi Chris, I have an ex that is extremely stubborn and I know she will not contact me first. In fact I know she is probably not even thinking of me whatsoever. I’m worried that if I wait too long she will either move on to someone else or she will think I don’t care that we broke up. Its been about a week now, and I don’t want to go too long if she thinks that I don’t care. What are your thoughts with this stubborn and fickle situation I find myself in. And yes I have told her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Adam,

three wees or a montha is too short to be able to move on.. unless your relationship was shorter than that.. If she’s really stubborn then approach her in a starting over way.. as in like not having a history together

Adam
Guest

Thanks for the reply!
How can I go about doing the starting over fresh method? Just seems like she doesn’t care right now at all (and probably doesn’t) I just need to know how to get through this and if I still have any shot of getting her back. I firmly believe she is the one if we could get back together and work on our communication, patience and understanding.
Thanks!

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

like how you would initiate a text before all of this.. If you could go back in time, how would you have texted her based on how you know her now

Tanaka
Guest

Hey Chris
I Made a weak contact text asking her about school. The first I one was a funny video I thought she might like. Sent the texts within the space of 3 days. they were after 24 days of NC. I plan on sending another after a few days of a memory we have where on our first date we went to watch a movie and afterwards fell asleep in a hotel lobby and the staff thought we were drunk. We laughed about it after it happened. Is this good to send?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Yeah, did she reply in the first texts?

Tanaka
Guest

No she didn’t.

Tanaka
Guest

Also I sent the latest text today, how long should i wait to send the next? She also might have resentment towards me. Basically we were talking about a personal family issue i had and i said “I don’t expect you to understand” and she said screw you for saying that you don’t know me and tings went down hill from there.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

If she’s not replying, either she’s still resentful or your messages were not that interesting for her

Tanaka
Guest

What should I do? How long should I wait to send the text about that hotel thing?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hmmm.. Maybe try to send texts that are interesting for her first. Text that don’t seem like you’re reminiscing. Things that can benefit her. For example, if she loves chocolate, do a casual text like, “Hey our friend came over and mentioned to me that there’s a new concept store for chocolates going on opening sale, maybe she thought about you and mentioned it to me. It’s on the blah blah date on blah blah street.”
In short, anything about what she loves and she could get a benefit from

Tanaka
Guest

She has ignored the text. I had I friend talk to her about me and she was furious with me, cussing me out saying I can go f**** myself and such. I did not cheat on her. My friend also said that she said that she gets panic attacks when she thinks or talks about me.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

That means she’s not ready to talk yet.

Tanaka
Guest

So No Contact is the right course of action I presume?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Yeah…

Tanaka
Guest

Hey.
Im still in no contact but it still looks like shes angry with me, what should i do?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

If you’re still in no contact, keep being active in it, how many days are left and how did you know she’s still angry?

Tanaka
Guest

No contact for 21 days is done but i haven’t contacted her yet cause i know she still hates me ( My friend talked to her about me and she explicitly stated it) so i don’t know what to do.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Okay, that means you have to extend no contact.. did she say why she still hates you?

Tanaka
Guest

She says Its because over the holiday I said something to her (It was a personal family issue of mine and I told her that i don’t expect her to understand) and I guess that’s what set her off. I never shouted at her or was mean to her. Never swore at her either. My friends say she is overreacting. How long should i extend no contact?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

extend to 45 days.. and try to find out if that is really the real reason

Tanaka
Guest

Do you mean if she really is the person I want to be with? I had already extended to 45 days which will be over in about 4 days, what should I do afterwards?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

I meant if she’s saying the real reason of why she hates you.. start with her smiling at her when you bump into each other in school

Tanaka
Guest

Oh Sorry I didn’t read the post correctly. I’m not sure how I would be able to find out if there was no underlying issue. However, In The Messages my friend sent me of their conversation , she basically said She was the dominant one int the relationship. That we couldn’t even screw in a light bulb and to that she is correct. she was my first girlfriend so I failed in the department of being an “Alpha Male” miserably.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

It’s okay 🙂 She’s angry because of that? hmmm… that means you really project confidence when she’s around..unfortunately that also means she has to see that you’re over her and that means it’s better not to initiate texts for a while

Tanaka
Guest

I’ve been working on the confidence and I’m getting there. So no texts for say a week or more? I think shes angry because I told her that she wouldn’t understand my situation (Found out my dad had been cheating on my mom for 4 or 5 years). she said stuff like screw you for saying that so perhaps she went through something similar that she never told me about? She also said that I really hurt her. This was before no contact.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

yeah a week or more, get the help of your friend to know of she still angry..she must have been really hurt to hold on this long

Tanaka
Guest

Hey. I’m going to Germany sometime around the 15th of April for holiday and my ex (she is German) absolutely loves it there. Could I somehow use this to get her to talk to me? If so how? We both live in Africa.

Tanaka
Guest

I’ve asked my friend to try and sneak it into a conversation with her.

Tanaka
Guest

Also, I haven’t talked to her in a while now. should i just go up to her in person and ask why she hates me?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Tanaka,

sorry for the late reply.. don’t do that… is that what she said to your friend?

Tanaka
Guest
So my friend told her about the whole Germany thing and she said that at one point i told her to f*ck off. I never once swore at her nor did i even dream of it. Amor… This is dragging me down, she has a boyfriend now and she is still SUPER DUPER ANGRY at the thought of me. Its been three months of no contact and the situation has not at all improved. Worsened if anything. I know I have to be strong and Alpha Males never quit and what not but i don’t see this working out. I… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

I know this sounds funny, but I think she’s being irrational because she’s young.. still emotionally immature and maybe at her age, that’s her way of overpowering you because she thinks you still like her.. I think the best step for now is to move on because it’s pointless to try if she’s irrational and angry

Tanaka
Guest

Yeah I think so too. Thanks Amor!

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

You’re welcome!

Andre
Guest

Question on the no contact rule. What if your ex texts you during. But heres the deal. They think you don’t want them, that being one of the reasons for the break up. Do you still go with NC when there’s a chance of pushing them further away?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Andre, You mean you’re doing no contact but you haven’t broken up? Or she thinks you don’t want her and that’s the reason you broke up before NC? But to answer your question in some way, we do no contact when proper communication can’t be done and mostly that’s because of a fight, so commonly when NC is ongoing, the other party who’s not doing NC, thinks that it’s because of the constant fights. Not really because they’re not wanted anymore. NC makes the other party think of all the possible reasons you’re doing no contact , and not… Read more »
Andre
Guest

We broke up. She felt that i wanted someone else. Her insecurities of me not wanting her were increases more because of mistakes i made. However i do not want any one else. I just want to know if shes ignoring me completely, would nc really work down the line. And if she spoke to me by chance during when i was doing nc, and her feeling that i dont want her, would ignoring her even be a good idea.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hmmm.. she felt you wanted someone else? why? but the last time you spoke, did you tell her you don’t want someone else? was she the first one to not contact you?

Andre
Guest

Because of an emotional cheat. I did tell her that she was who i wanted. But she has lost all trust in me. Says there is no relationship. That its gone for good. However i know that she still has gifts i gave her and still wears my shirts to bed. I know im not easy to forget. She still loves me. It gives me a bit of hope.

Andre
Guest

And yes she was the first one to not contact. She stop contact first

Séan
Guest
Thanks for the advice on your website. I’m 26 and looking for some help or advice if possible my girlfriend of 10 years sadly ended our relationship some 4 months ago, I was in a really dark place (drinking, not eating, struggling at work etc) I still feel these moments but exercise, friends and reading this has helped. Since it happened I have made all contact in firstly saying how sad I ‘am at how this happened having spoken to her by phone at first then wrote a letter but being honest she was pretty blunt perhaps rude about it… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Sean,

I’m sorry I don’t knowif I understood your comment correctly. But correct me if I’m wrong, you still owe her money, but she’s telling other people , you’ve paid? Or she’s the one who owes you money?

Séan
Guest

Apologies I’m due the money, most things have been sorted but she is very much aware there is still things outstanding and did say she would be in touch. As before I really don’t mind about the money but its the principle. This has been her choice and I’m very surprised at the way she has been I just don’t get it.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Maybe she doesn’t mean anything bad. Maybe she just doesn’t want people thinking bad about you because this issue should only be between the two of you. If you must initiate contact do it, maybe she’s even waiting for you too.

Matthew
Guest
HI Chris, i have to say i have read some of your articles on here and they have some great advice. i thought i would leave a comment on here after reading this article. i recently lost my ex she left me and has not spoken to me. blocked me on every form of communication. Here is my situation that i posted on how to get my ex girlfriend back……….Chris it has been over a month since my ex girlfriend has move out. since she has moved out she has blocked me on Facebook, and blocked my number. now before… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Matthew,

It’s been almost 2 weeks since you posted. I hope you’re doing NC now. I think she got overwhelmed because you didn’t give her the space she needs.