Historically if you look at the visitors to Ex Girlfriend Recovery we get people searching for very primal wants and needs.
How can I make her miss me…
I miss her so much it hurts…
I need her back…
But yesterday there was a gentleman who stopped by the website and asked me a very interesting question.
I am really struggling with this. I just miss her so much and I don’t know what to do. How should I tell her when the time comes? I just want her back…
Of course, upon reading this I rolled my eyes thinking, “Ugh, didn’t he read the website. I wrote an entire article about that very thing.”
So I literally pulled up the website and started searching around so I could provide this poor guy with the correct article but I couldn’t find it. I looked and looked and looked but there was nothing.
Well, I guess I had better write one.
The truth is that no one really talks about if you should even tell your ex girlfriend that you miss her.
Will that help or hurt?
Is it even worth doing?
That’s what we are here to find out.
Let’s start with the most basic question.
Should You Even Tell Her That You Miss Her
If you’re familiar with my website here then you’re probably privy to the fact that I am a big fan of playing hard to get. Statistically it is one of the best strategies that you can use during a breakup to improve your chances of a reconnection.
(I’m also a big fan of merging science with emotion in getting an ex back but more on that later.)
Now, if you are going to play the “play hard to get” strategy then that would probably lean us towards the fact that you should never tell your ex that you miss her. However, one thing that I see a lot of men falling into is this idea that you have to make it seem that you aren’t interested at all.
That’s not what I mean when I say “play hard to get.”
On the contrary, playing hard to get is supposed to be used to reframe the way your ex thinks about you and then after that is when you start trying to build momentum with rebuilding a connection.
Here, I’ll put together a nifty little graphic for you detailing what I mean by this.
You can see I have divided this process up into two parts.
- Playing Hard To Get
- Building Momentum
Lets take a moment and talk about these two parts.
Playing Hard To Get
Number one always comes before number two and I have structured things this way for one big reason.
The playing hard to get aspect is important to do first because it reshapes your exes perception of you. You see, most men who determine that they want to get their ex girlfriend back go about things the wrong way.
The beg, plead and act overly desperate.
And assuming your ex has gone through a breakup before she probably is used to this kind of behavior from men. Her experiences have shaped her perception.
So, when the two of you go through a breakup she is expecting you to do the same exact thing.
She is expecting you to get on your knees and beg for her back and quite frankly she is right.
Isn’t telling your ex girlfriend that you miss her simply a form of projecting your feelings of wanting her back?
She is expecting you to zig so you need to zag.
This is where things start to get interesting.
You see, most men who tell their ex girlfriend they miss them tell them when they should be playing hard to get. In reality, the best time to tell your ex that you miss her is when you are making great progress in rebuilding your connection with her.
It makes sense that way!
But that still doesn’t answer the question of how you should tell her.
Well, I have always subscribed to the belief that telling your ex girlfriend you miss her should be an enhancement comment rather than a conversation starter.
Do you understand what that means?
Well, I think one of the dumbest things that you can do is start off a conversation by texting your ex girlfriend,
Do you like my little “boo boo” comment?
I thought it was a nice touch.
No, just kidding!
Look, the dumbest thing you can do is start off a conversation with your ex girlfriend like this.
Well, it’s because the context isn’t right.
Compare starting a conversation off like this to dropping a line like this in the middle of a conversation where the two of you are really connecting. All of a sudden the “I miss you” comment makes sense for its context.
Now, I do want to elaborate more on how you should tell your ex that you miss her but lets segue into something just as important.
Telling Your Ex Girlfriend You Miss Her After A Certain Time Apart
Its come to my attention that my advice above might not be fully applicable to every man reading this article.
Well, I don’t have an exact time frame for when your breakup with your ex occurred and this is the type of thing where your entire strategy can change based on this information. So, I’d like to talk about the following breakup time frames.
- After 3 Months
- After A Year
- After 5 Years
From the top!
After 3 Months
I suppose I should start out by giving you some basic idea of how long it takes to actually get an ex back.
In my experience the time frame can be anywhere from 3 to 6 months.
So, with that in mind it appears that 3 months seems like an ideal time to tell your ex girlfriend that you miss her. In other words, everything you read before this section definitely applies. Where things start to get tricky is when we get into the longer time frames.
Lets talk about those now.
After A Year
So, before I start teaching lets make sure we have the right context here. A year has gone by after you have broken up and you just can’t seem to get over her. However, it seems like she is over you.
(I like to make things tricky.)
You miss her profusely but should you tell her? And if so, when?
Whoa… hold on there buddy.
I’ve already explained the idea of playing hard to get, right?
Well, in this case I don’t think that is going to be your problem. Instead, you are going to have to focus on this aspect of the process hardcore,
Since it has been so much longer than average since your breakup you are going to have to spend a good amount of time rebuilding your connection with your ex. In fact, I would say I wouldn’t even tell her that you missed her until she does something to make you think it first.
What would an example like that look like?
Hmm… Ok, lets say that your ex mentions on the phone one day that she really enjoyed that one time you went to the water park. In fact, you find she keeps publicly reminiscing about all the great times you have together.
Well, in that case I think it’s a safe for you to potentially mention that you miss her but I want you to do it in a very specific way.
Most men make the mistake of saying,
“I Miss You”
I think for this particular time frame that might be a tad too direct. Instead, lets piggyback off of what your ex is already saying.
So, lets pretend that the two of you are texting back and forth and she drops this nugget of knowledge,
Notice how you don’t say, “I miss you” but “I miss that.”
It’s a little less threatening and you can kind of use it as a litmus test to see how she takes it.
Lets just assume the best and say that she takes it really well.
In that case in a few days you can maybe graduate into saying “I miss you.”
Lets move on and talk about a big time frame.
After 5 Years
Five years is a long time.
A really long time.
So, before I dive in and tell you what I think I want to go on the record by saying that getting an ex girlfriend back isn’t the type of thing that gets better over time. In fact, I would make an argument that as more time goes on it becomes less and less likely that you will get her back.
Five years is definitely out of the ideal range.
But nevertheless, lets take a look and see what we can do for you.
If you miss your ex girlfriend after five years the first step I would ask you would be if you even want her back.
If you determine that you do want her back here is what I would do if I was you.
So, ultimately you have three main objectives.
Lets take a minute to go over those objectives.
Reach Out To Her In A Non Threatening Way
What is the first thing that a woman, who hasn’t heard from you in five years, will do when she actually does hear from you?
Probably show all of her friends your text and say something to the effect of,
“Oh my god… look who just texted. He probably wants me back or something.”
Now, I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t want to be the butt of anyones joke.
So, how can we do our best to avoid that?
One word, career!
Lets pretend that your ex is a lawyer.
Well, I’d end up sending her something like,
It’s not a perfect text by any means but it is better than just sending a generic “hey” or “sup.”
One of the issues with it is you actually have to have a legal matter to discuss but how many of your exes are actually lawyers? Probably not many!
The end goal is obviously not to become friends with your ex but to have her back in your arms.
However, I feel like every time that I try to help men they go too fast too soon.
So, I have decided to remedy that little problem by giving you one clear directive.
Become friends with your ex!
If you can do that then you are on the right path.
The idea here is that you are building the foundation for our next step, flirting.
Transition To Flirting
If you were looking for a time for when you could tell your ex that you miss her it would be during this step.
But I want to make one thing very clear.
Do not directly tell her that you miss her.
Tell her that you miss very specific aspects of your relationship.
Kind of like the waterpark example I gave above.
What is the reasoning behind this?
Again, it’s not as threatening!
So, that is it in a nutshell!
You’re good, right?
If not then that is ok. I just want to tell you that this process isn’t meant to be easy. In fact, I think you can make the argument that it is one of the most impossible tasks to accomplish because so many aspects are out of your control.
Nevertheless, if you have any pressing questions or just want to tell me about your situation please comment below.
One of my team members or I will get back to you.