By Chris Seiter

Updated on November 14th, 2022

So you probably think about your ex-girlfriend quite a bit, right?

But what if I told you that there was a way to turn the tables and make your ex girlfriend constantly think about you?

Would you be interested in something like that?

I mean after all, why should you be the only one suffering?

Ok, I didn’t mean it quite that way!

You certainly don’t want your ex-girlfriend to suffer.

But it sure would be comforting to know that your girlfriend has not forgotten you entirely.

To know that your ex girlfriend often thought of all of the great times you had together as a couple.

It is a worthy challenge, isn’t it!?

But more than that, if you were successful in having your ex-girlfriend obsessing just a tad (or more) over the memory of you, the things you did together, or even what you are doing now could ultimately help you win her back.

But how can you accomplish this?

If you are like a lot of my clients, then you are not on the best terms with your ex girlfriend right now.

Indeed, she may be really upset with you and has told you that she wants you out of her life.


Ok, I know that it sounds like a helpless situation where your ex-girlfriend wants nothing to do with you (or so she says) and tells you that she has nothing but contempt for you.

(Geez, it sounds like things could not get worse. )

But, do you know what?

I look at these situations a bit differently than most of my clients.

Part of the reason for that is because I have experience in dealing with tons of situations such as the one we are describing now.

The other reason, is that I am not clouded by a lot of the emotional turmoil that a guy or girl experiences when they have a break up.

What do I mean by that?

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Well, I have seen a lot of situations in which the former girlfriend was absolutely livid with her boyfriend.  Fire and brimstone was erupting every spoken word she directed at him.

fire and brimstone

Well, my way of thinking about such things is,

Hey, that is a good sign!”

The way I figure (and psychology backs me up) is that if your ex-girlfriend invested that much energy in being upset with you, then there must have been a pretty strong connection between the two of you.

I mean, you don’t really get super angry at somebody who you don’t know well or don’t care about.

Sure, we can get mad for a spell at something that happens in our life. But that type of anger is hardly comparable to the passionate feelings that transpire between a couple.

When a person in a relationship really gets fired up and upset with another, that usually means that the bond and connection between those two people is still INTACT.

I know, it is an unusual type of logic, but from a deep psychological level, love and anger are two sides of the same coin.


So what I am going to teach you is how to use that “intact bond” to your advantage.

And guess what?

There are multiple ways you can influence your ex girlfriends mindset such that they think of you more often and in a positive light.

After all, that is what this article is about.

How to make your recent flame think about your constantly.

What to Expect in the Early Stages of Your Break-up



It is important for you to fully understand the emotions that your ex-girlfriend may be experiencing.

Why is this important to getting your ex girlfriend to miss you and think constantly about getting back together?

Well, it is pretty simple.

Think of yourself as entering into a war zone.

To succeed, you need to understand your adversary.  And often, in those early days following the break-up, YOU are the ENEMY, and the adversary is completely unpredictable.


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Let there be no mistake, you ex is likely out for blood early on.

Now, I would agree that no one person is the same, but in the early stages of a break-up, most women are not going to be amenable to talking things out.

So, whatever bright ideas you think you might have to get her to really start missing you immediately after the break up, forget them.

They will land you deeper into the muck of emotions.

Think of it this way.

Your ex girlfriend is pretty screwed up emotionally.

Logic and sanity are far from most of her thought processes.

She will be in great pain.

You will also be suffering (lets not forget that)

Indeed, you both will be experiencing a “mirror” phenomenon where both of your are experiencing similar emotions and reactions.

I cannot emphasize this enough.

The female psyche is incredibly complex.

So your first task will be to come up to speed on same basic female psychology.  I will help you with that.

Your training begins here…

naruto training

In order to break through the “Thin Red Line”, you will need a multi-faceted game plan.  I can help you with that as well.

Just like every soldier who is preparing for battle, you need to get some training.

Then you need a plan and finally you need to take with you numerous weapons.

This way, if one or two of your tactics don’t work, you have others to fall back on.

I use this analogy of going to war for good reason.  If you really want your ex-girlfriend back, you will need to fight for her.

Now, just as in any strategic military campaign, there are different phases of the operation.

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The same holds true when you are fighting to get your ex back.

Essentially, what you are trying to do is INFILTRATE her thoughts and turn them in your favor.  You want to flip the emotional coin.  Remember, the relationship coin has two faces.

love and hate

In the beginning she has a lot of anger and maybe some hateful feeling toward you.

But as I explained earlier, Love and Hate are two faces of the same coin.

A healthy relationship is mostly ruled by love.

But given that hate/anger is on the flip side of the coin, the dark side is always looming.

But guess what?

Actions can be taken to flip things back to those loving feelings.

In a moment, we are going to talk about the the 10 Synergistic Golden Rules of Persuading Your Ex Girlfriend to Think About You Constantly.

One of the first things you will put into play is the “No Contact Rule”“.

The early period following your breakup is not the time to rush into battle.

You will get chewed up if you do.

Anyway, you will be in no condition to run into battle because you are most likely recovering from your own emotional wounds.

So, the No Contact Period, which you should consider deploying, will help you immensely in getting ready to battle for love.

As with any campaign, there will be different phases of your operation to win her back

You will be able to use the synergistic golden rules below to help you with the various phases of your operation.

Some rules help you more in the early days.

Other rules apply more toward the end of your campaign when you are engineering the first meet-up (after the break up) or during the period when the two of you are finally talking and trying to rebuild the relationship.

Just know this and never forget it… If the two of your genuinely cared deeply about each other, there is a powerful force operating between the two of you.

There is a bond that is most difficult to break.

Perhaps right now, that force is dark.  But it does not have to remain that way.

It is very possible (arguably likely) that you can flip that force back to where you and your girlfriend are once more connected in a positive way.

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The 10 Synergistic “Get Your Ex Thinking About You” Golden Rules

I want you to take a look at the graphic below,

ten principles

This graphic is the composite of the 10 synergistic “get your ex thinking about you” principles. In other words, if you do these ten things then you have a really good chance of making your girlfriend think about you.

The ten things are as follows,

  1. The No Contact Rule
  2. Become The Best Version Of Yourself
  3. Put Distance Between You And Your Ex
  4. Flanking Attraction Maneuvers
  5. The Power Of Suggestion
  6. Healthy Doses Of Kindness
  7. Project Confidence
  8. Use The Element Of Surprise
  9. Don’t Show Her All Your Cards
  10. Use Contrarian Logic

I suppose we should start from the top, huh?

GOLDEN RULE ONE: The No Contact Rule

no contact

It’s odd, isn’t it.

When you think about the principle of the No Contact Rule in which you refrain from communicating with your ex girlfriend, you would think that it would only lead to utter failure of the relationship.

After all, you reason,

“How will she ever think about me in a positive manner if I simply ignore her?”

Well, in the beginning, she will be thinking about you quite a bit, but it won’t be all of the nice things you would wish for.

In fact, if you could read her mind, the things she would be thinking about regarding you would be pretty chaotic.

Eventually, what you want is her to stop thinking about you.  

“What??”, you might ask,

“How in the heck is that going to help me get her back?”

For most women (and men), this is the best way for healing to come into play.

This can only happen during a period of no contact.

Any efforts at this time to reach and out have a conversation or drop by for an impromptu visit, will likely be met with a barrage of anger, resentment, possibly even a few verbal insults.

Depending on how things went down when the two of your broke it off, your Ex’s mindset can range from sadness and depression to joy and delight that you are gone from her life.

Don’t fret too much.

I assure you, if this situation you find yourself in is like most typical break-ups, your ex gf will be riding up and down a roller coaster ride of emotions.

Just know that implementing the No Contact Rule will allow her to re-calibrate without you being a catalyst for more adverse emotional reactions.

So if you want your girl to eventually come around to start thinking about you a lot (in a good way), steer clear of her for a spell.

Even if she reaches out to you in the early days of No Contact, chances are she really is not ready to talk to you.

If you try, you are likely stepping into a mined field.

Even if your Ex comes into the attempted conversation with good intentions, remember this is a time of chaos and uncertainty in how she will behave (and you too).

You might be thinking on Day 5 of No Contact when she calls you, “All right, she must be really missing me.  I can’t wait to talk with her.  I must really be on her mind!”.

Unfortunately, I have seen many occasions when that same scenario played out, but at the end of the conversation, the couple is at each others throats once again.

I realize every couple’s situation is different.

Just be careful.

Look, this period following the break up is very volatile, but you have a big trump card to play.

I have always said that the forces that pulled the two of you together are powerful.

It will take a monumental effort for the loving feelings she has for you to be completely stripped away.

What often happens is that with time, your ex girlfriend will return to those loving feelings.

This will not happen in the beginning, but there is a good chance it will happen before the end of your 21 or 30 day No Contact Period.

Do You Have the Relationship Shakes?


Now, when I think about these kinds of situations where a break up occurs, I am reminded of an earthquake.

Something really bad goes down between the two of you and it feels like the very ground you are standing on is quaking and the foundation on which you built your relationship begins crumbling.

When your entire world is turned upside down from the breaking and crumbling of a relationship, everything seems lost.

But what happens in a real earthquake?

It turns out that most of the buildings erected were done with great planning and care.

The foundations of those buildings remain in place and is still solid.

After this earth shattering experience, people spend time to pick up the pieces.

Just like you will in your relationship shattered world.

In an earthquake, after some time has elapsed, people rebuild.

You will too.

That is what the No Contact Period is for.

To allow both you and your ex-girlfriend to begin to get in touch with your true feelings.

Once your former girlfriend has hit bottom and those chaotic thoughts (mostly angry and upset thoughts) have run their course, the powerful force that has bonded you together in the past will re-emerge and begin working its magic

This is when your ex and all of the good memories she has of you will come back to the forefront of her thinking.  Not always, but often.

If your relationship was strong before and the two of your were “tight”, then your chances of her thinking about you constantly will be high.

As days go by without hearing from you, your ex girlfriend will be even more motivated to think about you.

You will be missed and as the No Contact Period unfolds and after you do some of the other things I will talk about, she should miss you tremendously.

GOLDEN RULE TWO: Become the Best Version of Yourself


So what the heck do you do with yourself during this No Contact Period where you are allowing your ex to get her sh#t  together?

Well it’s simple.

No matter what you might be thinking now, you need to get your sh#t together as well.

Hopefully, you ex-girlfriend is finally coming to terms with how important you are to her and thoughts of you are constantly flooding into her mind.

As I explained above, that is one of the benefits of instituting the No Contact Rule.

But there are some other things you can do that can help speed up that process.

And it all starts with becoming the best version of yourself.

What you don’t want to accomplish is to become someone different than who your really are.  Any wholesale changes in the core of who you are will be fake and superficial and your ex gf wouldn’t believe it anyway.

What you will want to do is to get a little religion in the form of the Holy Trinity!

Scared you, didn’t I?  You probably were thinking, “Crap, he wants me to go to church. How will that really help me?”

Ok, the truth is that I don’t want you to necessarily go to church more often.

Not really!

Not unless, that is something you feel you need to do for added support.

No, what I am talking about is the Holy Trinity of the recovery process.  That’s right.  You need to get your act together to rebuild your own ego and make yourself even more attractive to your ex-girlfriend.

The Holy Trinity consists of Health, Wealth, and Relationships.



I won’t go into great detail because I have discussed these concepts elsewhere on my website.

But what you want to do is improve in each of these areas.

Your Health is not just about your physical health, though I am a huge fan of working out a lot, particularly after a break-up.

Health is also your emotional health.  And that is the beauty of working out.  It helps you in both areas.

Improving wealth is also two fold. Whether you are vying for a new promotion or seeking to lift your business to the next level, your efforts on building up your assets will give you a new focus and sense of purpose.

When I think about wealth, I also include in this equation spiritual wealth.

This include embracing new activities that brings you closer to achieving spiritual balance in your life.  You most likely have been through an spiritual and emotional upheaval.

Something needs to happen to bring you out of this tailspin.  This could be taking up yoga, meditation, or even drawing closer to your religious beliefs.

The third element of the Holy Trinity is all about the relationships you have in life.

This is not a time where you want to withdraw from the world.  Indeed, you want to reach out and embrace the friends you know you can count on.

It can also be establishing new friendships, which means you need to try some new things….rub shoulders with some new people.

Also, don’t forget the value that your family can offer you during hard times.

Without a doubt, seeking to leverage your existing relationships and expanding your social circles is an important step of healing and gaining perspective.

And here is the beauty of the Holy Trinity.  When you do these things and demonstrate you are willing to embrace a more enriched lifestyle, this kind of news get around.

Indeed, you will learn there are ways you ensure your ex-girlfriend hears about them.

When she sees some of the changes you are undergoing, trust me, you will be on her mind a lot.

GOLDEN RULE THREE: Put Distance Between You and Your Ex GF


Ironically, sometimes the best way to draw closer to your Ex is to put distance between each other.

This distance I am referring to can be both in terms of actual miles and emotions.

How does this work, you might ask?

You have heard of the old saying, “absence makes the heart grow fonder”.  There is a lot of truth in this.

Your ex-girlfriend is accustomed to certain routines that involve YOU.

When that is take away, she will begin to miss you and think about you.  It is the natural order of how we behave.

We are creatures of habit.

Once something important is removed from our lives, we eventually act like a drug abuser who needs another fix.  There are certain chemicals exist in our brain that makes us behave in that fashion.

As I mentioned before, there is a powerful force that bonds boyfriend and girlfriend together.

The strength of this force depends on the amount of time the couple has been together and the quality of their relationship.

Take that away, and this “co-dependency”  factor comes into play.

Even when the two of you are no longer seeing each other, each party will feel incomplete.  Knowing this, you can leverage it to your advantage if you truly want your ex back in your life.

Sometimes, just going on a trip far away and making sure your ex-girlfriend knows about it, can create a powerful longing for your ex to want to be closer to you.

So where ever you are in the process of reuniting with your former girlfriend, just remember that putting distance between you and her can set into motion a huge desire on her part to want to be with you.

The thought that you are someplace, without her…. doing and enjoying things “without her”….possibly meeting someone else…..these thoughts will flood her mind which in turn will play to your advantage in creating attraction.

GOLDEN RULE FOUR: Flanking Attraction Maneuvers


Sometimes you just have to be a little sneaky to gain ground on recouping your relationship.

If you are currently within the No Contact Period, one way to create attraction is to launch what I would describe as “Flanking Attraction Maneuvers”.

So what the heck is that?

This is when you turn to your friends and/or social media to create a certain mental picture that you wish to float into your ex-girlfriend’s mind.

Your mission is to creating an emotional reaction from your ex girlfriend such that she misses you even more.

This tactic can be highly effective if it is executed properly.  For example, if the two of you have mutual friends, you could enlist one of those friends to pass on a little information on your behalf.

It is important though that this information is NOT thought to be coming from you, but rather it should be positioned as the observation from a friend.

The intended result is to make your Ex cringe with desire to see you. Maybe you have your friend say something like this:

good woman

The trick is having a friend that can create this mental picture such that it comes off as real, objective, and unrehearsed.

It is important that any comments attributed to you about your ex is portrayed as being very positive.  Brevity is the key.

You can also accomplish the same effect using social media.

Again, the idea is to portray yourself as a humble survivor of break up, who has nothing but positive things to say about your former lover.

All of us have egos and like to be complemented.

You are essentially baiting the hook with humility and a compliment to arouse her curiosity and re-attraction for you. But let’s get one thing straight!  It has to be real humility and a real compliment.

It is also important that while you want to be portrayed with humility, you should not be perceived as weak or suffering.

You want people to describe you as doing very well.  That information in itself creates a sense that you have landed on your feet and are going forward (with or without her).

It puts a little more pressure on your ex to act.

GOLDEN RULE FIVE: The Power Of Suggestion

not droids

In war, sometimes you make flanking maneuvers.  And sometimes you attack straight on.

The power of suggestion is embedded in many of the things we are talking about.  But if you want to take the gloves off, then you can start a rumor.

This is a more aggressive approach, because you are not trying to appeal to your ex-girlfriend’s better nature such as we discussed in the Flanking Maneuvers example.

With a rumor you are seeking to directly attack your former girlfriend right where it can cause an explosion of jealousy.

Now I will tell you, this a more risky approach than flanking strategies.

So beware!

But I know for a fact that it has worked on many occasions.

Some women will see past this line of attack.  But many women are jealous to the bone.

And even the thought of you with another woman…. even if your ex is still mad about the break up…will send her into a fury.

Sometimes, that is a good thing.

It helps her get some of the pent up anger out.  It can also cause her to realize that you have “CAPITAL” and she has invested a lot into you and may not be willing to let you go.

Now, one big caveat.

Don’t employ this approach if your break-up was due to you previously being unfaithful or if she thought you were unfaithful.  It will just blow up in your face.

GOLDEN RULE SIX: Invest Healthy Doses of Kindness


Of all of the golden rules, this one is my favorite and is probably the most important.

Some years ago, a study was done that took decades to complete.

They looked at all of things that transpired between a couple and evaluated what the most critical thing two people can do that keeps their relationship healthy and long lasting.

It boils down to Kindness.

This is what I want you to do.

I want you to work out all of your angry feelings you have for your Ex (if you have any).

I want you to put away any thoughts of speaking badly about her to ANYONE.

And if you get the opportunity to interact with your ex-girlfriend, I want you to be supremely KIND to her.

I cannot emphasize enough how important this is.

Even if you don’t think it’s working…trust me, it is working at the subconscious levels.

Think of every kind word you utter to her…every kind gesture you extend to her as your way of rebuilding the “love account”.

It make take many deposits of kind acts, but there is a good chance that someday you will look back and realize how impactful those little things you said really were in the larger scheme of things.

So how do you become a kinder and gentler soul?

That’s seems to be a tough one for some people who have long been conditioned to act and behave a certain way.

But, know this.

The act of being unkind, is a cop out.

Yes, it takes effort to be kind.

You may even have to sacrifice things you want.

But if this girl is important enough to you, then the road to recovery needs to be paved with kindness.

And I am not just talking about being kind to your girlfriend.  She needs to see the kindness extended to people you encounter.  It has to be real.

Hey, do you have to become “Jesus” like, to accomplish what I am talking about?  No.

But it’s good to have lofty goals.

GOLDEN RULE SEVEN: Project Confidence


In your dealings with your ex girlfriend, you always want to project confidence.

Now there is a thin line between arrogance and confidence, so be careful about coming off as a jerk.

Women are not attracted to men who frequently act with uncertainty.

A woman want to feel safe and protected.  They want to have fun and experience some adventures.

Women feel more secure when they are around a confident man.  Somebody that can take charge, without running over her.

Now you may not be feeling so confident these days.

Particularly if you are in the beginning stages of recovering from your ex breaking it off with you.

That is understandable, but during the early stage of your recovery, you will need to regain your confidence.

This can be accomplished through some of the things I discussed earlier as it relates to the Holy Trinity.

If you want your girl to think of you often in a positive way, you CANNOT show her a guy who is weepy or depressed, or listless much of the time.

You don’t want to come off as someone who acts like their entire life is shattered.

You can control your attitude every morning you get up out of bed. It’s a choice.

And if you decide to project a positive attitude of confidence, then you will BECOME a person with a positive attitude with confidence.

GOLDEN RULE EIGHT: Use Surprise to Your Advantage



Every now and again, you will need to reach into your bag of tricks.

You have heard of surprise attacks, right?

Well, the can work out incredibly well or turn out horribly wrong in the world of relationships.

I think the degree of success is dependent on personality types (e.g. what kind of girl is your ex), timing and the type of surprise you decide to employ.

Here are two favorites of mine.

This can work after you are well into the No Contact Period or probably best during the phase in which you and your Ex are starting to talk and see each other again.

The first idea is to send her a single rose in a box.

Have it delivered.

The attached note should be from “Anonymous”.  An optional play off of this idea is to include a cryptic short message in the note.

Something like:

“A Rose For You”

The second idea, is similar to the first, except it is more sophisticated and novel.

There are places you can go to have a message placed into a clear empty wine bottle.

The bottle is corked and sealed.  You arrange to have the bottle delivered to your ex-girlfriend.

The trick is what you want to say in the message.  First of all, keep it very short. It can’t come off as sounding romantic or corny.

Though you want her to know it’s from you.

“Just wanted to brighten your day. Thank you for everything”

GOLDEN RULE NINE: Don’t Show Her All Your Cards

poker meme

Ok, so do you remember how I described these Golden rules?

I used the word “synergistic” which means that these ideas are co-mingled and benefit from each other.

For example, you send her roses, but you don’t reveal who you are.  That is the combining of #8 and #9 Rules.

Throughout your efforts to win her back, you are seeking to create an environment such that your ex is missing you and frequently thinking about you.

You are doing this by showing confidence.

You are doing this by exhibiting kindness.

Your are doing this by implementing the No Contact Rule, Flanking Maneuvers, and Surprise attacks.

These ideas that you are executing are filled with strategy, but the one common thread is that there is always a touch of puzzlement associated with them.

You in effect are not revealing all your cards.  You want to leave her wanting more.

The last thing you want to do is burst the sphere of mystery you are creating.

For example, she is really not certain why your are implementing No Contact and what it all means for the two of you.

She may be pleasantly surprised and elated to see the “new you”, but is still left with the notion how all that happened without her in your life.

In a way, you are deliberately keeping your ex girlfriend off balance.

She probably never expected to receive a single rose.  She wonders if it was from you, but is not sure. You have not followed up since you sent the rose,  “so who could it be, she wonders?”

It is driving her just a little nuts!

What you are doing is leaving your ex-girlfriend with a little puzzle about you.

Puzzles have to be solved, right?  That is what you want her to do.

GOLDEN RULE TEN: Use Contrarian Logic  

death on th eline

There is this scientific principle that says the shortest distance between two points is a straight line (i.e. a straight line of Yes).

Yea, I know, you probably have no clue what all that means.  Hang in there as I will get you there!

I find it an interesting tactic to play the “Yes” game.

I will teach you how.

If you are like most guys, you tend to want to control everything.

In fact, your ex probably had to tip toe all around you to get you to do all sorts of things.

Indeed, for some guys, their control issues are one of the reason why the relationship slid off the tracks.

If that is the case for you, you best work on it, because few women I know like being controlled or bossed around all of the time.

Anyway, let’s get back to the Yes game.

Sometimes the quickest way back into your girlfriend’s heart is to say Yes to everything…. at least for a spell.

But never show her all your cards.

Meaning, you will come off as a very agreeable person, willing to do essentially all of the things she suggests, but you never actually push to have things back as they were.

Keep your cards close.  If you make a move too soon, too aggressively, you might just blow right out of the game.

So your aim is to keep things fun and keep thing light.

Remember, we are trying to rebuild trust.  Trust leads to your ex gf having nice thoughts about you.

Compliment her (but not too often).  Surprise her with random acts of kindness to complete strangers.

She is use to you zigging, so what you do is zag.

She may not even know what to do with this “new you”.  You are so agreeable.  There are no fights.  You are not controlling.  You are open to all her ideas.

Heck, you might even find you like some aspects of the “new you”.

What you are trying to accomplish is to bring some trust,  joy and happiness into the relationship.

If you are just getting back together from a break-up, you are in a VERY vulnerable position.

Many break-ups are followed by a brief period of reconciliation, then another break up occurs promptly.

This off and on relationship cycle can continue indefinitely.

You don’t want that.

If you really want this girl back in your life, you may have to play the “Yes Game” so that you do not become a victim of the cycle.

And guess what often happens when you play the Yes Game?

Your girlfriend will mirror your behavior and want to play the game herself, so the control and personal power switches back to you.

Careful though, don’t take too much of her bait.

Eventually, for the relationship to work in the long run, you both will need to strike a balance.

You will both need to have equal measures of personal relationship power.	

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