Is It Too Late To Get My Ex Girlfriend Back?

“There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.”

 

― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid

Patience isn’t overly prevalent in today’s world. Especially when you know exactly what it is that you want. And when it’s dangling there just out of reach, it can be… frustrating, to say the least.

I know…

I know…

I’m preaching to the choir. You of all people know exactly what I mean. The worst part of all of this is that, if you want to get your ex back, she has to decide that she wants you back too. You can’t just make up her mind for her.

Though that would make life much easier, I’m sure.

However, if you are anything like me, part of the fun of being with someone is that they chose you. It’s what’s so great about being in love.

So in certain situations, as you can probably imagine, patience is key.

The reason I am going on and on about patience is because so often we get asked, “Should I just give up?” And nine times out of ten, that person has begun No Contact.

However, the intensity of the desire to reach out to your ex makes one day of No Contact seem like forever. So, a person can easily fool themselves into believing that it has been much longer than it has actually been.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve seen, “My exes birthday is tomorrow. Is it okay it I break No Contact to tell her Happy Birthday?” or “Is it okay to break No Contact to wish her a Happy Valentine’s Day?”

I have a good friend who tried out the Program and she texted me one Tuesday to ask me if four days was a long enough No Contact because Taco Tuesdays were sacred in her relationship with her ex.

Like I said, your mind will try to convince you that any reason it a good reason to give in. Don’t let that little voice make decisions for you. It will only derail you.

The best part is, it’s never too late… if you have the patience of a monk. However, even if you are the most patient person in the world, holding on forever isn’t always in your best interest.

Is This a Good Time to Give Up On Your Ex Girlfriend?

Yeah. You read that correctly. Sometimes, giving up is the best choice. Now, I’m not telling you not to at least give things a hearty try. However, there are some really good reasons that you might need to let that dream of getting back with your ex be just that… a dream.

Six reasons why giving up might be your best course of action:

Reason #1: When holding on is holding you back. 

You have stopped forward motion.

Newton’s first law states that an object in motion will stay in motion unless acted upon by an external force. If you consider it inversely, you can assume that that same object once stopped will not move again until it is also acted upon by another outside force.

That being said, if you stay hung up on the past, then, like an object not in motion, you will be stuck at a stand-still because you will be unable to see and react to an outside forces or opportunities.

Reason #2: When it’s taking over other areas in your life. 

Your mind is consumed. You’ve stopped caring about… well anything else that would normally matter. There was this movie we watched when we were little, similar to the parent trap, but it had the Olsen Twins in it.

It was called “It Takes Two.” And in it, she described love as a “can’t-eat, can’t-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, World Series kind of stuff.” At the beginning of a relationship, being enamored is cute. It’s endearing.

However, if you stop being able to do your job, keep up with schoolwork, or keeping up other relationships because you are fighting to keep your ex in your life, well, it might be time to reconsider things.

Reason #3: You’ve stopped being able to picture an outcome. 

You can no longer see the finish line. Have you ever done something simply because you’ve been doing it for so long that it no longer holds meaning?

I don’t know if you ever watched Lost, but around season three or so, they came across this guy in a bunker who was pushing a button ever 108 minutes simply because there was a guy in the bunker when he got there that told him that typing in a code and pressing the button repeatedly would “save the world.”

He had no idea how it worked, he just kept pressing the button for three years. And then when someone else came along, he told them to press the button too. After some time, you might realize that you can’t remember why it is you “need” your ex in your life so badly.

You remember things about her that weren’t exactly positive. You may start to wonder why you ever fought to keep her around in the first place. At that point, you kind of need to wonder if it’s necessary to continue to try to recapture the past. Once you stop understanding the reason behind your actions, they tend to lose purpose.

There isn’t really a reason to keep going in that direction.

Reason #4: It’s starting to take a serious toll on your self-esteem.  

When you are fighting to keep someone in your life who has not interest in fighting to keep you in theirs, it’s easy to understand why you might begin to believe that they have good reason to let you go. Even if they had reasons for going their own way that had absolutely nothing to do with you, it is easy to fall into this way of thinking.

Why?

Well, we are the center of our own world. When we try to see things from other peoples’ perspective, our brains forget to adjust to the fact that they are the center of theirs. It’s one of the reasons people who are self-conscious have trouble sticking to going to the gym regularly.

They feel as if everyone in the room is looking at them, judging them. However, even if someone notices you when you walk into a room, each person has their own life filled with their own issues that they are dealing with.

It is unlikely that they will keep their focus on you very long. So, unless you did something unforgivable, it is more likely that she has other reasons for staying apart.

Reason #5: You spend an awful lot of time considering giving up. 

You are exhausted. Every single day that goes by that your ex doesn’t respond feels like it becomes more and more impossible.

You lie in bed in the morning after you wake up and think about what it would be like to give up. You lie in bed for hours at night and you consider cutting her out of your life forever. Who cares if she doesn’t seem to care. It almost seems like you think more about letting go that you do about getting her back.

The conflicting ideas have begun to make you miserable.

Reason #6: You are the only one making an effort. 

Have you ever been on a lake in a canoe?

If you are the only one rowing, it’s hard to get anywhere. In fact, you pretty much just wind up spinning in circles or progressing really really slowly. When you are the only one putting in any effort, it’s hard not to get discouraged. At some point, you will get fed up with it, and you will have to literally talk yourself into not giving up.

Once you hit that point, that’s when it’s time to seriously consider letting go. You know that moment when you are bending over backwards and it’s as if she doesn’t even notice.

 

Choosing Me Over We

After looking over this list, it’s easy to understand how you could get caught up in the fight to get your ex back and forget to take care of yourself. Letting it take over your life can keep you at a stand still and do quite a number on your mental state.

I mean, if you get focused on anything, you can find yourself losing track of everything else in your life, whether it be a relationship, school, or your work. It’s important to find balance across the board and not get too focused on any one thing.

So, how do you move past the breakup and let it go?

Seven ways to let go of your ex:

Way #1: Learn from your mistakes and shortcomings within the relationship. 

It’s easy to get down on yourself when things aren’t panning out the way you wanted them to. But let’s face it, there’s always a small percentage of people that don’t respond to the norm. It doesn’t necessarily have to be your fault.

However, if you know that you did something that lent to the breakup, then owning up to that can become a great asset to you in future relationships. I know I know, you aren’t ready to think about being with someone new just yet, but owning up to your shortcomings give you an opportunity few people take advantage of.

How do I know this is true? Well, how many people do you know that make the same mistakes over and over again?

How many of your relationships were recreations of a relationship you had in the past?

If you think about it, you will realize that most people spend their entire lives in a cycle of the same relationship over and over again with different people, making the same mistakes again and again.

Take the opportunity and break the cycle.

Way #2: Forgive yourself for the little things. 

For the first months after a breakup, you will find yourself going over and over the relationship without even realizing it.

Don’t worry. Everyone does it. You’ll be lying in bed trying to go to sleep and you’ll remember that she hated it when you used too much milk in your cereal or when you refused to pause a movie when she needed a quick bathroom break.

It’s so easy to convince yourself that it was your inability to take out the trash that made your love go sideways. While these things combined would mean that you became a little complacent in the relationship, you’ve got to realize that there is NOTHING you can do about the stuff you did in the past. Even apologizing for them won’t erase that they happened if you get her back.

You have to forgive past-you for the crap he did or didn’t do. And, like I said before, put in the effort to learn a lesson from past you and make future you into someone who would never leave the toilet seat up.

Way #3: Don’t consider it to be time wasted. 

The time you spent in a relationship that didn’t work out doesn’t have to be pointless or wasted, which is one of the reasons people tend to hold on so long.

They feel as if they have to save the relationship because of the time and effort they invested. If you spend time investing money in a bank account but then, by some accounting error, the bank said that you no longer had access to that account… you’d fight like hell for it.

Right?

Especially if it was a lot of money that you had invested. As they say, time is money, but to me, time it more precious than money. So, I can see why it might bother you to let go after investing so much time. If you adjust your thinking, you can see it as something else.

Every relationship in your past has been a stepping stone up until this point. Once you find the strength to let go of your investment, you can see it as another step to build your future on. All of the time you’ve invested into each relationship just makes the foundation stronger.

Way #4: Let yourself grieve for your loss.

This is the tough one, because, as you know, grief has stages.

According to the Kübler-Ross model, there are 5 stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Originally, these were written in regard to terminally ill patients who are learning to deal with their impending death.

However, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross later realized that these don’t happen in a linear progression and it happens to anyone who is dealing with bereavement. While it may feel like you’re dying, that’s not what I mean.

Losing a relationship can be just as devastating as having someone you love die. So, dealing with the grief is something you have to do to move forward with your life, free and clear.

Way #5: Don’t forget the good that came out of it. 

One of the things I learned really quick after my last breakup is that you can’t just sum it up to all being a horrible mess.

There are people you met through your ex that make wonderful additions to your life despite the fact that your ex isn’t around. The moments that were so full of joy that, at this moment, you are dreaming of wiping from your memory brought meaning to your life.

Those moments are what make life worth living. Discounting those moments would be doing yourself a huge disservice.

Way #6: Reconnect with who you were before.

So many people get out of a relationship and see it as the end of life as they know it.

What always kept me going was knowing that I was perfectly fine before he walked into my life and I would be perfectly fine once he was no longer in it.

Remind yourself that you are stronger than you imagine and reconnect with the things that once gave your life purpose; friendships, passions, and maybe goals for a future.

Way #7: Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

The thing about moving forward is learning how to see things differently than they were at the moment. Knock down drag out fights were experiences where you learned that you deserve someone who will fight FOR you rather than with you over stupid things that don’t really matter.

Take those moments you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy and figure out how to make them into moments that matter. My ex turned into a royal butthead after we split.

But dating him meant that I found a new hobby that changed my life. I also know for a fact that even though I hate the person he became after we split, I did care for him. So, now, years later, I am truly happy that he has moved on with his life. I found a way to find the positive and get rid of the positive ones for good.

When Not to Give Up On Your Ex Girlfriend

Okay, but don’t go giving up on things just because you are tired of waiting. This is where that whole patience thing comes in. It’s easy to get a couple of weeks into No Contact, or even a few days, and suddenly feel like you are completely out of control. It’s almost as if time has slowed to a crawl and it feels as if your ex will never be up for reconciling. Just because things feel hopeless doesn’t mean that they are actually hopeless. So, if you haven’t made it all the way through a full cycle of No Contact and gone on to try the other tactics Chris has laid out, then you shouldn’t give up just yet.

If you have made it through to the texting phase and your ex is responding positively in any manner or even neutrally and you’re just starting off, don’t let impatience get the best of you. There is definitely a chance that patience will win out if you don’t give in to that desire to give up just yet.

Lastly, don’t give up if you haven’t even jumped into No Contact yet. You can’t win without a battle plan. And lucky for you, we have one that actually works. The worst part is that a lot of people are so afraid that it won’t work that they won’t even start No Contact. If that’s you, then have I got news for you. If you let fear control you and you don’t at least try, then you are definitely going to fail. However, if you at least try, the chances of things working out are endlessly more likely.

So, what rules you? Fear, impatience, or you?

		

Written by EGR team mate

EBR Team Member: Ashley

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67 Comments on "Is It Too Late To Get My Ex Girlfriend Back?"

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Stephen
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Hi guys, I ended my relationship over a year ago because she was moving to Seattle to go to grad school. She and I had been on and off for about 4 years. I ended it because I didn’t want to do long distance (I live in NYC and she is going to grad school in Seattle). I was very supportive of her pursuing higher goals. I was sure that ending it was the right move at the time. It ended on good terms although she was very saD. About 7 months went by and I ran into her at… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Stephen,

you have to send a another message, tell her you understand her situation and that you’ll move on and do hope that later on you could rekindle as friends and thank her for everything and then start at least 30 days nc. Be active in improving yourself and in doing posts that doesn’t disappear after 24 hours, and continue doing that after nc while slowly rebuilding rapport.

Sebastien Perrin
Guest
hi Amor i really need help. my ex broke up with me because she was fed up of waiting for our marriage and she was the one who taking care of us but im willing to do something after my paper works but she cant wait,and her family doesnt like me .in 2 months of struggling she kept blocking me.last month she was still fighting for us.but she keep changing her mind.and i keep asking her to fixed our problem but she was getting mad because im forcing her.we were not talking for 8 days when i tried to call… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Sebastien,

Try to stick to at least 21 days of nc..

Mike
Guest
Hi Amor I am really at a crossroads. My ex girlfriend and I broke up in August of last year. Since then we remained friends. I always told her my desire for us to get back together but never really pursued it. Then in June of this year I found out she went to Mexico with her ex. Learning that devastated me so I bought The ex girlfriend recovery system and initiated NC. She tried contacting me several times. I decided to use the 21 day NC rule like Chris suggested. I will admit I started to improve myself over… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI MIke,

tell her being friends is not workable for you right now.. and then restart nc and do at least 30 days and continue improving and being active in posting even after it, while slowly rebuilding rapport with her.

houston
Guest
My ex and I dated for 5 years, since we were both 17, the past year that we dated, things got more and more dull, there was no love or affection coming from her, no kissing, only affection was during intimacy. I talked to other girls 3 times during our relationship and the last time was about a year ago, then I lied to her about it..this broke her heart but she stayed with me and it slowly caught up to her, that is why the relationship died, and when I asked her about sex, she said she did it… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

it’s really going to take time to build rapport. You’re supposed to take time and take it slow while you continue improving yourself. check this one:
My Ex Girlfriend Told Me She Doesn’t Love Me Anymore. Can I Make Her?

John
Guest
Hey team, I’m kinda stuck. Broke up with my ex (for a second time) something more than two months ago. It was really bad on my side, as she had lost interest and was experiencing routine in our relationship while she wanted something “magical”. I overreacted the first week and we had small fight over texts/phone but following that I implemented NC up until two weeks ago. I ran into her, she was very tense and distant, and (silly me) I accepted to help her with a quick errand. Since then I started trying to initiate more contact but she… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

I think you should and then dont stop improving yourself while you’re slowly building rapport

Quattro
Guest
Hi! I visited your site when my situation was very dire. To sum it up… my ex showed countless signs that she still liked me even while she was dating someone who looked like me (she broke up with him) Last year she even confessed her love to one of my friends but not directly to me. So last summer we went on dates and she showed positive signs that she liked me. She would even joke around how she would bite me in the neck numerous times. Sadly… that all came to an end when she went to her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Dont confront and convince, be compelling. Are you attractive, fun to talk to, mysterious or interesting?

Quattro
Guest
I will be truthful. Girls tell me I am attractive even though I am short (5’7) and many girls prefer taller guys. I am well groomed so appearance isnt a problem for me. I have seen unattractive guys get amazing girls because of their personality or they are tall. My personality on the other hand (since I am insecure about my height) is very beta male ish. I am not very social or confident. People always tell me that I am very mean, but I act nice when I want to. I dont know why I do this. Im sure… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

do stuff that lets you interact with more people like volunteering

Aaron
Guest
My girlfriend of 2 years and 9 months broke up because of the polarity in the relationship, She felt like she was superior in the relationship because she was older and more experienced at life and well to a woman, that can;t happen cause they’ll lose attraction (which is what happened). I told her that i just needed time to grow into the person she needs me to be but the wait for that had caused her to be unhappy in teh relationship and so we left it as “if its meant to be it will be” we kissed and… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

are you still improving yourself now and being active in posting? rest for a week before initiating again..

Keith
Guest
Hi My ex that I was with for under 2 years broke up 2 months ago, she was living with me for over a year, she had a lot of stress as did I, she was jealous and anxious alot, she has not been in great mental health, I was very stressed and down too.. although I didn’t realise the extent of it at the time, I be and withdrawn and less supportive, we had a bad fight(witnessed by other people) and I asked her to leave for a few days to clear our heads and then go fresh, she… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

restart nc.. do at least 30 days and be active in improving yourself and post in social media apps where the post stays.. like Facebook.

John
Guest
I recently broke up with my girlfriend of a year 2 months ago. We had a fight and I took the easy way out and left cuz I thought it would be easy to walk away. She had the anger issues somewhat with me for awhile but recently we text like we’re best friends again and weve even seen each other 3 times in the last week. She stopped by my house the other day just to say hi she says. We usually end up talking for at least an hour or so when we see each other. I’ll do… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

do you want to try the no contact rule?

Trim
Guest
hello I’m in a situation at this time. 2 months ago my girlfriend admitted she didn’t have the same feelings for me as before. She still loved me but it wasn’t the same. she also admitted talking to her ex. we talked about it after a couple of days she decided to chose for me. we went on a vacation but I noticed something was off. I found out she was texting with her ex again. we talked again and she chose for me ‘again’. 2 weeks ago she told me the same story, she didn’t have the same feeling… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor
D
Guest
Hey Chris and team, Bad situation…don’t know where to start. Together 7 years married 3.4 of them. She’s 35 and I’m a youthful 47. She comes from a wealthy family and mine was poor. My wife left me the week before Christmas of 16’…she had said she hadn’t been in love for a long time with me and had left the relationship emotionally the year before in 15′ and took the next year to process things until she could leave physically. I did all the usual things, begged and bartered but nothing could change her mind. She was faithful throughout… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Try at least 45 days of no contact rule first..focus in improving yourself and then slowly build rapport after…

Rabbit
Guest
Does this also work for long distance relationship and gay relationship? I was in a long distance relationship(continent and seas apart) (gay relationship) for 6 months which ended roughly 9 days ago. I was surprised when she I saw her text hey do you have time to talk. I was on a family vacation that time and I told her we might talk less. We haven’t had a major fight in the entirety of the relationship, our relationship was not needy or possessive, we were really understanding and giving each other space to do what we like. I met her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

It’s not a guarantee that it would work, but you can still try it.

Khudbi
Guest

Hi Amor

I need urgent help. Can I get a person to person consultation?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Khudbi,

What can we help you with? If you want you can email at [email protected]

chris
Guest
i met my girlfriend January, and we dated for 3 months, she recently broke up with me, though she is a hot tempered person, i offended her, she got so pissed off and quit, i begged her on two occasions, Thursday and Saturday to be precise, i even knelt down on the two occasions, i called people to beg her, because she threw my engagement ring back to me, and blocked me on Facebook, and blacklisted my line so i cant reach her, but after being talked to by her boss, she accepted to forgive and be just friend, and… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Chris,

don’t rush things.. for now, try at least 21 days of no contact rule and during that 21 days focus in improving yourself and then take it slow in building rapport after. Don’t beg.

Jason
Guest

Hi Amor, my ex blocked me on all social media and instant messaging apps, it’s been one month and it doesn’t seem like she’s ever gonna unblock me, i did the shocking news factor that chris wrote on how to get her to unblock you but it didn’t block her, what should i do ? i have no way of contacting her…

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jason,

were you active in your life and in posting in your social media accounts ?

Jason
Guest

Yes! I have been posting many instagram stories of me going on a date with another hot girl to a fancy restaurant, she saw it.

I can text her with another number..

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

yeah, you can try that..

Jay
Guest
Hi Amor, I have done the 45NC and have improved massively. I been reading up about the clean state email after you finished etc. I’m very confused because there’s so much info and not sure if I should send a clean state or text some good memory to get the first contact out. I believe I should of done this from the start but I didn’t and feel like I done the whole process wrong. What do you suggest, she thought I was cheating before or seems on her mind durning the initial closure but since the no contact, she… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

I think you should avoid the thinking of you texts for now because you already sent that kind of text.. rest for a week, and then try a text that’s informative or asking an opinion from her..

Mike
Guest
My ex [30f] broke up with me [31m] a month ago today after what was otherwise a happy and positive relationship for 7 months, for both of us. She became overwhelmed with her job and other stresses in life and needed space. I asked her to talk it out that day she sent me that text and then for the most part, went fairly distant and LC until last Thursday or so. I checked in every five days or so and basically just asked her how she was doing, and that was it. Last Thursday, I messaged her on Snapchat… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mike,

stick to nc this time. No checking on her and keep doing your activities, and add new ones. Do new activities so you have something new to post..

Kenneth
Guest

Hi Chris can you make an article about clinginess because I think that’s one of the most often cause of a breakup

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Kenneth,

thank you! I’ll forward this to Chris

Trenton
Guest

Thank you ex-girlfriend recovery, I’m still in no contact but I’m happy to report that I have gained so much confidence. I’ve written an ebook, I’m working on my anxiety, I’ve done so many things that I thought I couldn’t. I may be blocked and she may not come back but I am happy with the life I am building for myself. I’m still going to try and get her back but I am happy with myself.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Congrats Trenton! That’s very good!

JT
Guest
I have spoken about my situation on here a few times. We have two kids, we’ve gone up and down over the last year and things are on a down swing, we still speak on the phone here and seldom she sends pics of the kids. I think she is seeing someone she had hung out with they mutual friends when we were on an upswing. We had an argument and I feel she gave this guy a chance after our disagreement bc it was available and she felt no progress had been made in our relationship, although saying that… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jt,

sorry I dont understand what you meant with nc through text? if you’re talking great personally, it’s ok to text her.

JT
Guest
Well she is still upset with me about me getting frustrated about her just moving on to what I’d call a rebound. Says I talked to her like she was trash, so she doesn’t really talk to me very much unless it is through a phone call. We had a talk today and she stated that she was tired of me treating her like shit. There is really not a lot of communication, other than sometimes on the phone she will act normal. I feel that the rebound guy keeps her from talking to me bc she feels like it… Read more »
JT
Guest

I really feel like I’m starting to lose her here, seems so quick to lash back with resentment…

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

do you still treat her like that or talk to her about the rebound? Why did she say that?

JT
Guest
I do not… I’ve just let it be for the last couple of weeks. It all started over the kids spring break, she went out with friends and assumedly her rebound and didn’t take the kids on a trip she had planned for them which started an argument. I know she was just trying to push my buttons, and it worked. but since then I’ve just been keeping to myself, I’m nice to her when I see her and try to be helpful if needed. Like I said she has little contact or interest right now, I feel bc of… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

This is not to judge you, but two weeks is short.. even if you’ve been doing this a long time, every time you get angry, you have to start from scratch again… building trust and confidence in her will take a long time and a lot of attempts from her side of pushing your buttons until you’ve really proven that you’re changed

cc
Guest
I too almost lost the love of my life whom I have 2 kids with because I treated her like shit….first of all I am entirely against the no contact rule especially with 2 kids you will alienate her even more…what she really wants is the man she fell in love with…the man she had 2 kids with I adopted the approach of being nice even when the time comes not to be nice still be nice…..I started doing as many little things to bring a smile to her face as I could and after being nice…and treating her like… Read more »
JT
Guest

I suppose it was. We’ve pretty much gone to radio silence but when we go to our sons soccer game conversation still seems pretty good. I am keeping my distance though and trying only to focus on the kids. Should I treat this as NC and if so how long should I carry it on?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

no, for me it’s not nc.. it’s just really sticking to be calm and to keep on improving yourself.. because she wouldn’t be attracted to somebody she fights with

JT
Guest
I didn’t treat her like shit during our relationship, I cooked, cleaned, I adored her and my children. I did in my own life have self doubt and did some stupid things, but I was never shitty to me. I took care of my kids and her very well. I just got down on myself with me taking on a new business that was a lot more work than I had time to tend to it at the time. Now that we aren’t together it got my confidence back in my work but being without my family is still weighing… Read more »
Jay
Guest
Hi Amor, We have spoken previously and you have helped me out a lot and very grateful to your dedication to us . I have actually seen out a whole 32 days of NC, however my ex has not reached out and previously when we was at the break up stage last year the NC was working because she reached out but I did not stay committed to it and messed it up as I was emotional and didn’t beg her when I found out she got back with the ex, looking back I kinda hate my self for being… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jay,

you should be active in posting because that’s your indirect way of showing your improvements.. it’s ok to initiate contact after nc, just build rapport slowly..
3 Secret Texts That Your Ex Girlfriend Cant Resist (Video)

John Doe
Guest
Hi Chris, My girlfriend of 3,5 months broke up with me on January 25th because i was very insecure and clingy, I made the mistakes of begging pleading crying writing love letter etc but they did not work out, then i found this website and implemented the twenty one day no contact rule, afterwards i texted her “i saw something that reminded me of you”, however she replied neutrally, i got angry for her responses and sent her angry texts, to which she didn’t reply and she blocked me from whatsapp which we used regularly when we were still dating… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi John,

start a 30 days nc from now, be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.. if you’re still blocked extend to 45 before initiating again

Dave
Guest
Hi guys, Ex of 3 yrs split up with me about 3 weeks ago, we’d lived together, then became an LDR. It was a period of readjustment, but we started with the first three months as LDR so I figured we could do it again. A week later she was in contact with me, and we were texting every day. It was nice, but it was like torture, and I couldn’t deal with not knowing if things were going to change, and I at least wanted to have a proper period of no contact. I talked on the phone with… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Dave,

try at least 30 days of no contact..

Dave
Guest
Hi Amor, Well, back to day 1 for me… (can skip this if you want): Today was our birthday (year apart), she wanted to call me, I knew I was going to hate myself for it, but I let her. Had to stop after a minute just so I wouldn’t be upset on the phone to her, or start pleading and begging. She said “hey I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you. feel free to text me or call me whenever, ok? I hope you have a good birthday.” – called back quickly, then she said “I’m always here… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

that’s ok.. just stick to this one 🙂

Dave
Guest

Hey again Amor.

I’m really over-thinking the “feel free to call or text me whenever” thing. Going to stick with 30 days NC, but am I crazy for thinking that is a good sign, even though I wanted NC?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

That is a good sign.. that means it would be easy for you to start building rapport.

Dave
Guest

Hey Amor. Thank you for your input so far, definitely eyeing off Chris’s book and probably going to purchase very soon, just so I’m not flailing around on my own.

This seems to be a weekly thing, I was just talking about her to a friend, and she messages me, “I just wanted to check in & say hi. I hope you’re going ok. the cats are good.”

I want to think it’s something more, but are these just breadcrumbs stringing me along?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

if you’re not replying, she’s probably messaging because she misses you.

Dave
Guest
She’s still messaging me most days – and I’m replying. I’m weak, I know, I know. I know this is a bad part of my brain thinking this, but it just feels like things are going alright now, I’m not being as needy, not bringing up the past (for now) letting her initiate things basically every day. Last week, I didn’t respond for a day, she replied basically immediately. One negative, I have seen her on a dating app (Bumble) though, which kinda hurt a bit. But then to be fair, I got back on Tinder/OkCupid/etc basically the same night… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

it’s not a no contact period if you’re replying.. and you’re putting yourself in the friendzone slowly too by doing that.