By Chris Seiter

Published on January 25th, 2022

You might be turning yourself into a pretzel as you try to figure out if your ex girlfriend is testing you.  You might be wondering whether she is trying to get a reaction out of you.

This is a worthwhile matter to resolve, don’t you think?  After all, we are dealing with what could be an upside opportunity. Or possibly, all your efforts could be a waste of your time.  So which is it?

This topic also begs the question of what constitutes a concerted effort by your ex girlfriend to get you to react to something she is saying or doing. If what is happening….a test of some kind….then you need to know.

So for your mental peace, let me walk you through 12 things your ex girlfriend might be doing or saying that could constitute as her trying to get you to respond in some way or test your resolve.

12 Things Your Ex Girlfriend Can Do or Say To Get a Reaction Out of You

If you really want to know whether your ex girlfriend is testing you, hoping for you to react in some way, you need to know whether she has a concerted plan upon which she is operating under or if what is happening is merely inconsequential.

One way of knowing is looking at past tactics girls have used to try and draw out their boyfriends.

1. She Might Leave You Text Messages To Get a Rise Out of You

It can be both aggravating and elevating when you your ex girlfriend starts leaving you friendly messages out of nowhere.  One moment you are think it’s all over, then ding, you start getting these text messages.

It could mean something or nothing.

Such messages may represent short and friendly efforts to check in with you.  Or it could be her wanting to set something up so you and her can pick up your stuff.

Underneath it all could be an effort by your ex girlfriend to see how you react.  Your behavior could lead her to arrive at certain conclusions about your readiness to open up in future conversations.

Or possibly, there is nothing to it at all.  She could be just making sure you are doing OK.  Or maybe she just wants to get the property pick-up over and done with.  I actually discuss this in detail in my Ex Recovery Program.

Getting text messages from an ex is tricky.  It can be hard to read anything into it with certainty because you simply don’t have enough information yet.

But I will give you this.  More often than not, if you are receiving seemingly friendly like text messages from your ex, it would suggest that the relationship may not be completely broken.

2. Your Girlfriend Might Act Like Nothing Happened

If your ex acts like nothing happened and from all appearances it seems like business as usual, then stand alert.  It is almost never what it appears to be.

Trust me, your ex girlfriend has not forgotten that the two of you have broken up.

So why would she behave like this you might ask?

Sometimes it’s because she is in some state of shock about what has happened to the relationship and has not been able to sort out what it all means and how she should behave.  That is usually what is going on in her mind, whether you see it or not.

There is also a possibility that she has other more calculating motives.  She may be evaluating just how you respond to her behavior. My advice is to not take the bait.  Chances are that you should be in some form of a No Contact period.  So if you play along and act like everything is normal, you are only getting yourself caught up in her ploy.

3. She Might Use a Mutual Friend To Convey Something To You

Sometimes your ex girlfriend will try to test your readiness to revisit the breakup by having a mutual friend do some checking up on you.

It might start innocently, but if you start getting some questions from your mutual friend that seem to be probing your inner most feelings about the breakup, it would be best not to respond.

Now it is possible this mutual friend has their own agenda.  It could be just a very innocent query.  After all, if they are a friend, they are probably sincerely concerned.  But given that this friend also has ties to your ex girlfriend, the best thing you can do is avoid any meaningful conversation about what happened and how you feel.

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You just never know how far your words may travel.

4. Beware of the Rumor Mill

Sometimes you ex girlfriend will seek to get a reaction out of you by starting up a rumor.  This kind of thing can run the gambit from being a mild and innocent rumor to something that is very divisive and completely untrue.

There could be an ulterior motive at play here.  She could be testing to see how you react in order to gauge where you stand on things.  She could be yanking your chain out of malice.  So there are a lot of possibilities here…good and bad.

Now just because someone tells you that your ex said this or did that, doesn’t make it true.  Don’t fall into the trap that your ex girlfriend is gas lighting you through the rumor mill. You could be getting yourself worked up over nothing.

5. You Might Get a Phone Call From Her To Just Talk

Once again you should tread lightly before coming to any conclusions about any hidden agendas your ex girlfriend might be pursuing.  A phone call from your ex could mean many things.  She might simply be lonely and feeling vulnerable.

It could be she is struggling and needs to connect with you, in which case that would be a positive development.  And yes, she could also be trying to get a read on what is going on with you and your world.

6. Your Ex Might Call and Hang Up

If this happens, it usually means she isn’t quite ready to talk.  Why?  Well, for starters, if she is going to the trouble to call you, then hanging up before you can answer, it is usually suggestive that your ex girlfriend hasn’t figured out what she wants.  She might also be under the spell of her impulsive nature.

But sometimes its not about her losing her nerve to talk to you.  It could represent a calculated gamble on her part to see if you return her call.  So in effect, she may very well be testing you, probing your readiness to talk.

7. She Might Agree To Something Then Suddenly Change Her Mind

It is far from over if your ex girlfriend agrees to something involving you, then changes course.  While it may seem like she is no longer interested in you, the reality is often she just doesn’t have it all together.

I know it can be frustrating when your ex girlfriend flakes out and changes her mind.  But again, I would chalk it up to uncertainty on her end.  It not likely to be a game she is playing or some kind of lover’s test.

8.  Be On the Lookout for Breakup Sex

While it may be tempting, it’s likely to screw up your head if you end up in bed with your ex girlfriend.

You might ask yourself later if she is playing you or using you, but I have found that more often than not, the forces at play or less strategic, but rather simply lust.

9.  The Meaning of Rebound Relationships

If you learn that your ex girlfriend is dating someone else, it can really tear you up inside and cause you to question everything. You will wonder if its all over.  You might question whether she is seeking to get revenge or make you jealous depending on the circumstances that lead to your breakup.

But I would be careful not to read too much into this development.  It is truly not that uncommon.

Often what is happening is your ex girlfriend is testing her own feelings, not so much you.

10. Your Ex Girlfriend’s Social Media May Blow Up

After the breakup the one thing you may be doing too much of is checking your ex girlfriend’s social media accounts.

Don’t beat yourself up if this is the case.  It’s natural, though not always a very healthy thing to do following a breakup.  You might notice her use of social media could increase dramatically.  You may find that suddenly she seems to be the most popular girl on the planet.

Don’t let yourself get too worked up over such a development.  It is not that unusual for an ex to use their social media accounts to send your indirect messaging that she is doing just fine or even better than that.

11. She Might Play the Jealousy Card

While you may find yourself getting jealous over the most innocent of things involving your ex girlfriend, I cannot deny that your ex might be playing the jealousy card on you to get a rise.

If she can get you to react in a fit of jealousy and learn about it, then in her mind it will confirm that you are still smitten over her.

After all, she has an ego, just like you.  And if she can show to herself and you that she is still attractive, that fits nicely into her game plan.

12.  She Actually Might Be the Using No Contact Rule

So we started this article exploring whether your ex girlfriend is trying to trigger a reaction or overreaction from you.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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One way your ex could be testing your resolve is to employ a technique called the No Contact Rule.  The very nature of this approach is to apply some indirect pressure on you to eventually force you to see things differently.

If she is using this approach, then in her mind the relationship is far from over.  Indeed, she is seeking to make psychological inroads by way of making herself unavailable to you.

If you find that you are getting the silent treatment, it might not be due to her giving up on you, but rather her way of slowly rebuilding the attraction by doing the opposite of what you would expect.	

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