What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExGirlfriend Back?

My Ex Girlfriend Acts Like She Doesn’t Even Care…

Breakups suck.

They’re really hard.

No one likes being broken up with, or breaking up with someone. So why is your ex girlfriend acting like she doesn’t care that your heart is breaking into tiny pieces?

How is she going about her life as normal when you’re barely functioning?

As humans, we try to put on a brave face when we’re hurting. It’s a coping mechanism to act like we don’t care, like we’re not ruffled, even though inside we’re dying, just wanting to get back into bed and sleep our lives away.

I can guarantee you that unless your ex girlfriend is an awful, sociopathic human being, she’s feeling badly too – on some level, at least. She cared about you deeply at one time, after all. It can’t have been easy to let you go. Plus, no one likes being the bad guy, and that’s how you feel when you break up with someone.

Your girlfriend may be acting like she doesn’t care – but that’s just it. She’s acting. She cares on some level, even if it’s not the level you wish it was. It’s very rare that someone breaks up with a person and feels absolutely nothing about it.

So hold on to that.

Let’s try to get a sense of where her head may be at in the aftermath of the breakup, and what actions you should take.

There Is Someone Else

Let’s get this one out of the way first, as it’s the one people tend to fear the most and is the one that probably hurts the most, as well.

Maybe your ex is acting like she doesn’t care because she has a new guy.

I know, I know, it’s like a punch to the face.

Maybe she left you for this guy, or maybe she picked him up sometime after the breakup.

Either way, she’s with someone new, and it complicates the recovery process.


Well, if there is a new guy, it makes sense that she would try to create some distance between the two of you, out of respect for her new man. Keep an eye on how much she hangs all over him when you’re around, or how much she gushes about him and their relationship on social media.

If it seems a little over the top, it could be for your benefit.

This past weekend, I was at a club and I ran into a guy that I had been seeing, but wasn’t super interested in (obviously – I’m still hung up on my ex).

He wanted to dance, but since I was there with my friends, I turned him down. He went away, rejected, and not 5 minutes later, there he was grinding on a girl with his tongue down her throat… just a few feet away from me.

I pointed this out to my friends and we all had a good laugh. Because it was so clear that this show was for my benefit.

He actually made eye contact with me as he was kissing her.

So if your ex is with someone else and doing a lot of bragging about how happy she and her new man are together, consider that all of that could be for you, in her way of trying to “win” the breakup (more on that later).

She is Hurting

Even people who dump someone have a difficult time coming to that decision and following through on it.

I know that when my ex boyfriend broke up with me it was one of the most difficult decisions that he’s ever had to make. Sometimes, people break up not because the love it gone, but because of other, outside reasons, sometimes out of our control.

Just because a relationship is over doesn’t mean the love is gone. It’s a concept I’m still having a hard time grasping, because I, as a hopeless romantic believe that love should conquer all. But it simply doesn’t. Real life isn’t like the fairy tales, no matter how many Disney movies we consume.

Or maybe she’s hurting for another reason. Maybe the events that surrounded your breakup were ugly. Maybe unkind words were said, or hurtful actions were taken.

Your ex could be feeling very hurt by you, as well, which is why she may be acting like she doesn’t care. It’s a coping mechanism for self preservation. But remember that hate is love that has been injured. If she didn’t really care, she wouldn’t act like she didn’t care so much.

So it’s very possible that your ex is hurting too, and is putting on a brave face because she doesn’t want you to see for whatever reason. Her hurting can also tie into a lot of these other issues as well, so keep that theme in mind as you read on.

She Needs Space

If you’ve spent any time on this site, you know that the No Contact Rule is absolutely vital if you are going to try to get your ex back.

After a breakup, emotions run high and cruel and hurtful things can be said in the heat of the moment if you are not careful and in control of your emotions.

Your ex may be aware of that, and is giving you, and herself an opportunity for a period to heal. I know on Ex Boyfriend Recovery, a lot of women fret that if they don’t keep in contact with their ex, that their ex will forget about them –

Not the case AT ALL. This period acts as a reset so that you can both get control of your emotions and process the breakup.

It gives your ex girlfriend the opportunity to miss you and see what her life would be like without you, AND it gives you time to focus on you, and again become the man that your ex fell for in the first place.

If your ex is giving you space, it is a gift in disguise. Embrace it.

When my ex boyfriend and I broke up, he knew he had hurt me, and didn’t reach out until the end of the No Contact period because he knew I needed space.

Your ex may be acting coldly towards you because she knows the two of you need a healthy dose of space.

Take her lead – she’s got the right idea, and you will only benefit from it.

She Feels Guilty/Doesn’t Want to Give Mixed Signals

As I mentioned before, relationships don’t always end because two people fall out of love.

Often, there are other factors that keep people from being together. It’s possible that your ex is missing you a lot, but that she feels guilty for hurting you, and doesn’t want to express how she’s feeling because of that guilt.

It’s also possible that she’s acting like she doesn’t care because acting like she does care could result in sending mixed signals.

After my breakup, my ex continued to talk to me about how he felt and continued to be affectionate.

This resulted in me being totally confused, thinking that he was regretting his choice to end our relationship.

He wasn’t.

He was hurting too, and since we were best friends, it still felt natural to talk to me about everything that he was thinking and feeling.

(Spoilers ahead!)

In season 2 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the best season hands down, no discussion), Buffy captures a feeling so familiar to everyone who has experienced a broken heart.

In Passion, some major stuff that I won’t get into goes down, and Buffy says to her best friend, Willow,

“It’s so weird. Every time something like this happens, my first instinct is still to run to Angel. I can’t believe it’s the same person. He’s completely different from the guy that I knew.”

When you go through a breakup, the shift happens so quickly: One day, the person is in your life, and then they suddenly aren’t. Their absence is like a missing limb that is still causing you phantom pains.
I know this was really hard for my ex.

We had been best friends for a long time, and it’s hard to just turn that off. Your ex could be aware that if she shows she cares, it could start to send mixed signals, and if she’s a good person, she doesn’t want to hurt you any more than she already has.

She’s trying to protect you.

Let her.

She’s trying to “win” the breakup

It’s just a fact that there is an unspoken contest to see who can recover from the breakup faster.

Acting like you don’t care can be a great tool in this. It’s very possible that your ex is putting on a show for you to appear as though she has totally moved on.

I say this from experience.

After my breakup, I didn’t beg or plead with my ex boyfriend. I jumped into activities to keep me busy and appear as Ungettable as I could.

My ex was very perplexed by this. We were together a long time, why was I acting so calm and collected?

Again, here, I suggest that you take her lead. Try to mirror whatever behavior you see your ex exhibit (with the exception of being cruel. Never be cruel – always take the high road). I said in one of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery articles that a breakup is a game. It begins the second the word “breakup” is uttered.

Think of it like a game of chess – you want to try to anticipate your opponent’s moves.

Keep your eye on the big picture of the chess game, because you want to be the one saying “checkmate” at the end.

Trying to win the breakup game is a self preserving action. When a person is dumped, their self-confidence is severely damaged. Acting as though they’re just fine and moving on is a smokescreen to hide their hurt feelings. It’s also true that when a person is dumping someone, they want to appear solid in their choice. Ego is definitely involved here. No one wants to admit that they made a mistake in breaking up with someone, so they are going to do everything they can to appear unwavering in their decision.

So What Do You Do?

If your ex is acting like she doesn’t care, follow her lead. Mirror her. Remember, the game has started and you have to start trying to get into her head to anticipate her actions and the meanings behind them.

If your ex is acting like she doesn’t care, it is absolutely the perfect time to throw yourself into No Contact.

But don’t just count down the days on your calendar. Make a list of things you want to work on to become a better you.

Go to the gym, take a cooking class, start taking up the guitar (I love musicians).

Go out and do things that you’ve always wanted to do but never could because you were putting the time and energy into your relationship. No contact isn’t just about getting your ex back, it’s about self improvement, too.

People will come and go out of your life, but you’re stuck with yourself forever, so you might as well become someone who you like, and enjoy spending time with.

So give her space. Don’t force her to interact before she is ready. Bothering her and pressuring her to open up to you will absolutely backfire. Time is needed for both of you to heal – remember, it is extremely likely that she is hurting as well.

After your No Contact period is up, hopefully you will have made some strides and be feeling more confident and collected. At that point, test the waters and reach out via text using one of the many texting techniques that Chris suggests in Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro.

It is extremely likely that your ex has been thinking of you, and missing you. And since some time has passed, she may be more willing to open herself up to you, and show you her heart a bit more.

(This article was written by Rachel)


Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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19 thoughts on “My Ex Girlfriend Acts Like She Doesn’t Even Care…”

  1. Daniel

    February 13, 2018 at 5:30 am

    Gf broke up with me 2 weeks ago, was doing no contact for 2 weeks until this past Saturday…ran into her at a bar celebrating my cousins bday, she went cuz she works with him. The whole night she acted like I didn’t exist, like I didn’t matter was smiling the whole night with her friends while I was hurting, I went home drunk and broke no contact and drunk texted her. Told her no one can love her like I can, no one can care for her like I can, next morning she responded saying please stop trying to convince her no one will love her like I can. I never responded…are my chances done now that I broke no contact after only 2 weeks???

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      February 22, 2018 at 12:19 pm

      Hi Daniel,

      You can still restart nc. This time do 30-45 days.

  2. Tim

    January 12, 2018 at 9:14 pm

    So what should I do if she’s trying to protect me?

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      January 16, 2018 at 12:48 am

      Hi Tim,

      Nothing.. just let her be..

  3. Lulu

    November 30, 2017 at 3:49 am

    Why doesn’t the new woman of my ex doesn’t believe me. I told her after we split in April we still kept having sex till September. The part that I don’t understand she’s a family marriage therapist. I told her already 2 times she doesn’t believe me. He’s just a cheater he cheated on his first relationship and then I got cheated and know her has got cheated and doesn’t believe me.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      November 30, 2017 at 5:23 pm

      Hi lulu,

      Because she trusts him..

  4. Adam

    October 17, 2017 at 9:56 pm

    So me and the now ex just recently broke up! 8 months ago we had a little break up she said she didn’t feel like we were meant to be together because I wasn’t giving her enough emotion to her, we talked it out and kept on dating! I thought myself I was getting better at this and thought things were great in my eyes and others! Well just two weeks ago we get in a little argument that lasted a week and after that week she ended thing after two years! That Monday I go to get my things from her house and I told her how I felt and she said that we are very different people that we were not meant for each other that the feeling in her stomach never went away in that extra 8 months we continued to date making it two full years! Nothing was ever mentioned to me really after the first time I thought I was doing great! What approach should I take!? And for the no contact rule should I delete her off all social media and after that 21-30 day period add her back? I always check now to see what she is thinking or up to it kills me? An what if she don’t respond after that time period or hasn’t wrote you at all! She seemed pretty set on ending it was the right thing to do:/

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 11:19 pm

      Hi Adam,

      Are you in nc and dont delete her in social media..


    September 3, 2017 at 1:28 pm

    I had breakup 4 months ago since last 2 months we haven’t talked she did talk just once as normal classmate. She thinks i always do wrong thing! What should I do as I got to know she lied many times to me. She has completely moved on and looks happy! I want her back!

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      September 11, 2017 at 3:41 pm

      That means you’re talking because she approaches you as a classmate and what did you mean that she thinks you’re always doing the wrong thing? If she moved on, by looking at yourself now, would she think the same for you? Are you distant and improving yourself to the point that the break up is her loss, not yours? Or you’re always available for her?

  6. Guil

    August 12, 2017 at 5:05 am

    Had a really crappy breakup with my girlfriend a week ago. She has been insecure with me before with our own status in life and ex-relationships (I have been in a 7-year relationship before this one). She went home abroad about a month ago. When I asked her why she broke up with me, at first she told me it’s because of her insecurities and how she can’t be herself around me. Then she admitted that something happened between her and her ex-suitor (never actually a boyfriend) because she felt secure and comforted with him, and now she’s really guilty she’s done that to me instead of telling me what the problem is. She tells me all the time on how she can’t forgive herself, that she doesn’t deserve me anymore, that I should look for someone else that deserves me. I have never called her names, shouted, or anything at her since the moment of the breakup, even during our relationship. We did message and saw each other for short durations the entire week. Now we’re both firm on initiating no contact. I just can’t bear if she would never be able to forgive herself in the end. I have forgiven her. I know I have had my faults for making her insecure such as never blocking my ex on social media (because I don’t care about her anymore), not treating her exactly like she wants. I’ve always seen her as someone who wants to be treated seriously and as an adult but I treated her as a princess half the time too. She said she wasn’t able to tell me how she wanted to be treated exactly before and then she resorted to cheating. She was really firm in breaking up with me even when I begged her 3 days straight. I guess now it’s time to be mature enough to respect her wishes and use this time to improve myself. It’s just that I don’t want to lose her in the end, and I still love her so much and my trust and respect for her never waivered.

  7. Chris

    August 11, 2017 at 4:44 pm

    Hey Amor,
    My excited fiancé broke up with me about 1.5 months ago, there was a lot that happened that should have been avoided. We had a miscarriage about a month before she broke up with me and I completely shut down and wouldn’t communicate or talk with her or show her how it made me feel and shut her out. We got extremely distant and one night she told me she was done. I got angry and told her I was going to evict her and her 2 kids. She has 2 kids that looked at me as dad and my 2 kids considered her their step mom. She left and then while I was at a training she moved everything out. I lost it and I pleaded and apologized trying to get her back. I’ve accepted what I did wrong and working on myself. I believe she is with someone new already. I am now in the process of no contact and have started counseling for my issues and also been going to the gym for the last 32 days. I am on day 8 of NC now, she still has a lot of items in my garage, continue with a 30 day NC and respond only if it’s to get her items? Then should I try to contact after 30 days… she unfriended me but hasn’t blocked me on Facebook. I honestly felt that despite both of us having a lot of issues we were great together. The friends and family that were around also agree we were good together and hope it works out.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      August 11, 2017 at 6:03 pm

      it would be better if you could exchange everything that needs to be exchanged in one day.. So, you can focus in improving yourself. Yes, after nc, you should initiate contact. And since she unfriended you, make your posts public.

    2. Chris

      August 21, 2017 at 11:48 am

      21 days of NC will be ending the 25th… should I extend to 30 days or attempt to reconnect at 21? She hasn’t attempted to contact me or get her things, been improving myself a lot during this period and making the positive changes I needed. Feel confident in who I am and was.

    3. EGR Team Member: Amor

      August 24, 2017 at 7:54 pm

      It’s ok to extend if you feel you need to. It’s ok to initiate at the 22nd day too if you feel you can.

  8. Kevin Carter

    July 16, 2017 at 4:33 pm

    Really shitty breakup with my girlfriend 3 weeks ago. I broke up with her, and thought it was the right decision, but since then have realized that my military service caused me to push her away because I was scared of how much I loved her. I was also unable to open up because of my military service as well and thought I was protecting her by not burdening her with my stress. I broke up with her on June 23rd, right before we were supposed to leave for her family’s reunion. Our 2 year anniversary was supposed to be on July 5th. We talked in person on June 26th, and then I started NC (though we discussed not talking) and didn’t talk to her except for a text on July 5th saying “I know today was rough, I hope you made it through it ok”. She responded with “No I’m not okay. I’m really pissed off and upset. Please don’t text me.” So I continued NC until July 10th where I called her and left her a message. (I did this because I just did veteran’s counseling the weekend before and had a breakthrough and realized that the problems in our relationship were rooted in my inability to come to terms with how my military service affected me and that I was too scared to let her know how much I loved her). She didn’t respond to this, and I sent her flowers on July 13th with a note that said “I should have sent you these on the 5th. You were right, about everything”. I then called her again on Friday the 14th, and we decided to talk on Saturday the 15th. I know this is obviously breaking no contact, but I wanted her to know the breakthrough I had before I gave her too much space in NC and she didn’t know what went wrong in the relationship. The conversation went decent I guess. She wasn’t willing to say that we were done forever, but that if it’s meant to be, we’ll work out in the future. But she also was really focused on a lot of negatives about me and our relationship and how she’s noticing so much about us that she shouldn’t have let slide. I told her after the breakthrough I’m a different person, and willing to give it another shot after some more space. She also said that she wants us to both do our own thing for now, and that includes me seeing other women if I wanted (I couldn’t tell how serious she was about this, but she seemed serious). I told her I wasn’t interested in other women and will continue to work on myself and hope we work out in the future. I’m obviously going back in NC now, but she’s so stubborn, that I’m afraid that her focusing on so much negative about us, that NC won’t make a difference for her (we also talked about not talking at all for now this time too). Sorry for the long message, but a lot has gone down. Need advice on what to do moving forward and if I blew it. Reminder, this girl is especially stubborn, and the type that once someone/something hurts/wrongs her, she really avoids it like the plague.

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      July 19, 2017 at 1:57 pm

      your chances will depend more on how much you improve yourself.. Especially if she’s stubborn.. be active in improving yourself and in posting.. Your posts are you indirect way of showing your improvements.

  9. Shaun

    July 15, 2017 at 7:15 pm

    I’ve been confused by her behavior. we have been split up for 6 months, after dating and living together for the last 4 years. Ive always wanted to try to work things out but she didn’t and said she was done for good! She has had one relationship that lasted a month but then she broke that off because she said she still wanted to work on things with me, but she got cold feet and decided not to try to work on things with me, and now is dating someone else, and when I came over to pick up her son ( his father isn’t alive and I’ve been his father figure for the last 4 years) she decided to tell me about her new guy that she’s seeing basically treating me like I was one of her good friends telling me about how tall he is and how happy she was, and all the consistent things he does and basically just acting real smitten, and blushing and smiling a lot when thinking about him. Telling me she was sorry, but that she couldn’t help but smile when she thinks about the new guy. Then she asked me if I was seeing anyone and I told her I had been talking to a few girls but nothing serious, (since she had told me that she never wanted to be with me romantically again) But when I had previously mentioned other females, she started acting very cold towards me… I hope this isn’t confusing, Im just trying to wrap my head around this because Im tired of trying to put effort into someone who has no intentions of being with me, Im to the point of giving up

    1. EGR Team Member: Amor

      July 19, 2017 at 1:40 pm

      it looks like she friendzoned you.