By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 9th, 2022

There are a few words an ex girlfriend can mutter that can absolutely crush your soul if you want her back:

Look, I still have feelings for you but I’m just not going to change my mind!

What does she mean?

Is she lying?

Does she truly mean it?  When will she be ready to change her mind about breaking up with you?

Well, that’s what I am here to unravel for you.

As I was brainstorming what I was going to write for this article I realized something. No matter what I say to you here it’s not going to make a big difference unless you buy in.

Most likely, I could tell you that you have absolutely no chance of ever changing your ex girlfriend’s mind about the breakup, but you are still going to do something to try to change her mind.

So you might as well use a sensible and strategic approach in trying to get your ex girlfriend to see your side of things. This is one of the reasons why I wrote my eBook, “How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back”.  It’s to help you pave a way forward even under the worst of circumstances.

By the way,  I actually believe your chances are higher than you may even think they are if you implement some of the suggestions I am about to make.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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How To Change Her Mind and Get Her Back

changing her mind

How you stop your girlfriend from breaking up with you is one of the biggest challenges a guy can face.

So my quick answer is don’t stand in her way.  If she has it in her mind that she is going to end it with you, then it’s better for it not to drag out.

So changing her mind is not what you want to focus on right now.  She is past that.  This breakup process is moving forward with or without you, so don’t fight it.

Let it happen, then plan your comeback strategy.

Don’t Go Into Panic Mode Because a Breakup is Not the End of The World

So once she has done the deed, you are likely going to go a little crazy trying to pick up all the pieces.

I know you were probably feeling her drifting away from you. It may have made you more controlling or insecure during the latter stages of the relationship which is something that probably drove her away from you even faster.

But look, I understand.  Who wouldn’t be freaking out, even a little bit when one learns their ex girlfriend is calling it quits. That’s why I devised a Ex Recovery Program to help you get things back on track.

So the question you really need to ask yourself is whether it’s worth trying to reverse her decision by pleading your case.

Do you really think that is going to cause your girlfriend to change her mind after breakup?

Nope, it will likely drive her farther away from you.

So don’t let the flood of emotions and feelings of panic lead you to do even more damage.  Handle things with class. Take the high road.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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How Do You Stop The Negative Impression Your Ex Girlfriend Has For You Right Now?

So what the heck do you  do or say when your girlfriend breaks up with you that won’t make things worse.

One thing a lot of people forget is that often half of the damage inflicted on the relationship is done immediately following the breakup.  All of the mean or ugly things you might say or do is magnified in her mind.

Don’t seal your fate of no return by making things worse.

It’s best to say nothing that can remotely come across as negative.  I know that is a tough ask as you will likely be fighting the flood of uncontrollable, raw emotions.

But it’s imperative you start the rebuilding process soon after your ex girlfriend has broken your heart.

Sometimes separating and going “quiet” is the best medicine you can apply to this wounded relationship.

Forget about all this nonsense you might read about how to make a girl change her mind about dating you again.  Doing too much of the wrong things, too soon could spell disaster for your chances of really changing her mind.

I know it all happened really fast.  She probably bolted from the relationship for lots of reasons and as it stands now, it may seem she will never change her mind.

But if I have learned anything in my many years as a relationship consultant it’s that even when things look hopeless, there are almost always options and strategies you can employ to start creating doubt in her mind, where before none existed.

So with that understanding, I have decided to do something a little unique to help you out with this mess you find yourself in.

I am going to divide this article up into two distinct parts:

Part One: I am going to absolutely tell you what is going on in your ex girlfriend’s mind when she tells you that she isn’t ready for the relationship to continue.

Part Two: I am going to teach you how to change her mind so that she is willing to return to the relationship with YOU! (Since I know you are going to try anyways.)

Does that sound like a plan?


Good, let’s dive right in since there’s no time to waste.

Part A: Changing Your Ex Girlfriend Mind Is About Understanding Why She Feels She Is Not Ready For A Relationship

getting her to open up

So, for this article I thought I would do something very unique and get the take of over 400 women (more on that in a second.)

You see, the way I see it is that when an ex girlfriend tells you that she wants to break up and isn’t ready for a relationship at this point in her life it could mean one of two things:

Thing #1 = She is lying to you…

Thing #2 = She is telling you the truth…

Of course, I am a guy, just like you, so how do we climb into the mind of a woman?

So, I thought it would be a really good idea if I asked the women of Ex Boyfriend Recovery. Oh, if you didn’t already know I also own another website where I help women get back with their exes and I have created a Private Facebook Group where I posed a pretty simple question to the 2500 members there:

Literally a few minutes later the responses started coming in and I have to admit they were really interesting,

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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Some women said that if a girl says that to you she is lying…

Another said that she really means it…

However, there was one answer that consistently popped up from multiple women in this fun little survey:

It’s not that I am ready for a relationship. It’s just that I am not ready for a relationship with that particular person.

Now, some men may look at that like it’s the end of the world but I look at it like it’s progress.

Knowledge is power when it comes to exes and if you can actually gain insight into what your ex girlfriend TRULY means when she says to you that she’s not ready for a relationship, it’s going to give you a little bit of an advantage on what you can do to change her mind (more on that in a second.)

First things first.  If your ex girlfriend is telling you that she is not ready for a relationship but you now know that she just means that she isn’t ready for one with you, what does that tell you about her state of mind?

Well, usually it means that she isn’t going to view you in a romantic way.  There is something missing with the emotional connection to cause your ex girlfriend to feel this way.

Changing her mind so that she is willing to give you another chance is partly about zeroing in on those issues that are top of her mind.

In other words, this means that in order to convince her to be with you again you are going to have to convince her you “get it” and have it in you to empathize with her.

And guess what?

You are not going to be successful unless you start listening and learning what is important to her.

Part B:  How Can You Convince Her To Change Her Mind About You?

Well, this is a complex question to answer.

The way I see it is that you have two things to accomplish.

Thing #1: Get Her To View You In A Romantic Way Again

Thing #2: Get Her To Commit To You

So, how do you accomplish these goals?

Well, let’s hit the reset button first.

One of the biggest mistakes that I see men constantly making is trying to get back to the way things were all at once.

Why is this such a bad mistake?

Good relationship outcomes seldom happen when you rush through the process.  Whatever got your ex girlfriend turned off to you isn’t going to simply vanish in a short period of time.

Romance begins to get traction when there are a sufficient number of experiences and moments for her to reflect on.

Think in terms of how will you be her knight in shining armor.  An all new you.  The better version of yourself.

Romancing Your Ex Girlfriend Over Time

What you will want to do is take the long view to getting this relationship back on track.  That means you need to invest in the relationship and show her repeatedly through your behavior that you get it.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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Show her that you are doing those things that are important to her.  I can’t be lip service.  She will only believe if she can see it or experience it.  Such things as listening, being open to her point of view, and being more communicative with her when she reaches out to you are steps in the right direction.

String together enough positive memories for her to latch on to, then you will be well on your way to changing her previous, negative mindset about you.

Since we are talking about appealing to her romantic view of you and your love, you will need to do certain things that appeal to your ex girlfriend’s romantic sensibilities.

So we are talking about having some romantic getaways or excursions that she can think about before and after you actually carry through with it.

This also includes the small gestures like writing her a love letter or sending her a single rose.

If you give her enough of these moments that qualifies in her mind as a romantic experience, then you are well on your way of crawling out of the dog house.

Commitment Comes When She Believes You Can Be Trusted

Just about every broken relationship can owe it’s demise to a breach in the trust.

If your ex girlfriend can’t trust you, then it will be nearly impossible to get her to shift her opinion about you.

To make your ex more willing to change her mind and give you another shot at her heart, you will need to demonstrate you are reliable and will not hurt her in the ways you have in the past.

One way to confront this all important issue of trust is to raise it.  Acknowledge you know you have let her down.  Just doing that will help you with gaining a little trust as now she sees that you “get it”.

But take it a step further by asking her to describe the things you did or said that erased a lot of the trust that use to exist.

Encourage her to open up and tell you even those things she is afraid to say. This process in itself will help open her up to you.  By encouraging her to tell you the very things she has been afraid to say to you all this time, will unburden her and create an atmosphere in which trust and commitment can emerge.

Once she shares with you where you have fallen short, then apologize for letting her down and express your heartfelt commitment to improve in those areas.

Already you have won her over to your side or at least you have opened up an opportunity for her to trust in your again.

Doing this repeatedly is your pathway to her heart and eventually you can change her mind about the the breakup.	

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