My Ex Girlfriend Is Hot And Cold With Me… What Does It Mean?

Understanding the mind of a woman is a tricky business.

In fact, legendary theoretical physicist and cosmologist Stephen Hawking once said,

They are (referring to women) a complete mystery

If Stephen Hawking, arguably the smartest person on earth thinks that women are a mystery then what chance do the rest of us bozos stand when it comes to understanding them?

Actually better than you’d think.

You see, while Stephen Hawking may be a wiz when it comes to science he is definitely no wiz when it comes to women.

Want to know who is?

My wife!

AN ACTUAL WOMAN!

mywife

Oh, and I’m not too shabby either when it comes to understanding the dynamics at play in relationships.

I do run two very successful websites on getting an ex back and have authored a book about how to get your ex girlfriend back and another one about what to say to your ex girlfriend via text message to win her back.

So, when you put my wife (the ultimate genius on women) and me (the ultimate genius on exes) together we are some super couple with super advice on ex girlfriends.

This leads me to my next point.

What the heck does it mean if you have an ex girlfriend who is being hot and cold with you?

Oh, and how do you get her back if she is hot and cold?

Well, buckle up because my wife and I are about to revolutionize your world.

First things first though, what does it mean when an ex girlfriend is being “hot and cold.”

What Does It Mean To Have An Ex That Is “Hot And Cold”

hot cold

I have always thought that the thing that makes Ex Girlfriend Recovery stand out above all the other websites out there is my masterful use of “role playing.”

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“Masterful… Really?”

And to that I have one thing to say.

“Yes, totally masterful ๐Ÿ˜‰ . Watch as I do it here.”

Ok, in an effort to describe what I mean by “hot and cold” I am going to use Bob and Cecily as an example.

So, we have this guy named Bob who is kind of depressed since his long time girlfriend Cecily just broke up with him.

sad BOB

However, Bob decides that he is going to rise from the ashes and try to get Cecily back again,

rising up bob

Of course, during his campaign to win Cecily back Bob notices that he is making some serious progress due to the fact that Cecily is actively flirting with him. (HOT)

Cecily flirt

But just when Bob thinks that he has made a major breakthrough Cecily does something that makes him think that she doesn’t want him anymore. (COLD)

don't talk

And then right after she makes him think that she doesn’t want him anymore she does something that makes him think that she does. Of course, you know what happens next, right?

She makes him think she doesn’t… (COLD)

And then does… (HOT)

And then doesn’t… (COLD)

And then does… (HOT)

And then doesn’t… (COLD)

This process repeats over and over again until one of two things happen.

She actually takes him back OR moves on.

(Wasn’t that a masterful role play ๐Ÿ˜‰ .)

Now, we obviously want your ex girlfriend to take you back as opposed to moving on but before I get to that I feel I should touch on why an ex girlfriend would give you this hot/cold treatment.

Why Your Ex Girlfriend Is Giving You The Hot/Cold Treatment

why

At the start of this article I mentioned that women are a mystery and I did this using Stephen Hawking, one of the smartest men who ever lived, as an example.

Of course, I did make a rather bold statement after that.

Do you remember what I said?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Anyone?

anyone

Ok, I am done with the Ferris Bueller references…

Anyone?

Ok, that was the last one.

I said that while Stephen Hawking and I may not be an expert on why women do the things that they do but my wife is!

She is a woman after all.

Now, I do have a few theories as to why women give men the hot and cold treatment but I really want to go above and beyond for you guys and I think that you want facts as opposed to me just guessing with a theory. So, I asked my wife what reasons would a woman have to do the hot/cold treatment on a man.

Here is what she said,

  1. She wants him there for security
  2. She doesn’t know what she wants
  3. She is playing mind games
  4. She is still mad about the breakup while at the same time has a lot of love
  5. She doesn’t trust him yet

Of course, If you know anything about me or my website, Ex Girlfriend Recovery you would know that I am not satisfied just explaining the “why” of a problem. I feel that, that would kind of leave you out to dry a bit. So, after I thoroughly explain what is going through your ex girlfriends head with this hot and cold treatment I am going to give you a game plan to get her back in this situation using the insights I have just taught you.

Sound good?

First things first though, lets understand the “why” a bit better.

Reason #1- She Wants Him There For Security

security

Relationships are great.

It’s nice having someone that you can talk to about your problems when you have them.

I mean, it’s incredible having that support that you can count on.

But after a breakup neither party is obligated to give this support.

But what if you are trying to get your ex girlfriend back (which you are!)

Well, then all of a sudden you WANT to hear about your ex girlfriends problems and you want to give her support.

Now, lets walk a mile in your ex girlfriends shoes for a bit.

So, you are talking to a guy that you used to date and he is being nice and listening to your problems and providing emotional support to you. It’s kind of nice and you don’t want it to end. Of course, you know the way that men work. You know that if you don’t give him any hope of a future with you then he is definitely not going to keep providing the support you have become accustomed to getting.

In order to prolong this support you decide that you are going to string him along a bit.

You will drip feed hope (of a future) to keep him engaged.

And when he tries to push things along further to squeeze a commitment out of you, you are going to kind of push him away a bit.

Does this sound like a woman being hot and cold to you?

It certainly does to me.

Lets move on to the second reason.

Reason #2- She Doesn’t Know What She Wants Yet

I don't know

Lets slip back into those comfortable “woman shoes” and describe this reason.

You have just went through a breakup and are trying to figure things out.

Just as you are starting to get them figured out your ex walks back into your life and reminds you of all the good times you used to have.

That time at the beach…

That time in your room where you… well, you know?

Oh, and who could forget the trip to the Bahamas?

(Too much?)

Anyways, all of these good memories are clashing with all the bad ones and confusing you.

One moment you are thinking about your amazing trip together and how you felt during it and then the next you are thinking about that horrible fight that you had that ultimately ended things between the two of you.

(Lets hit the pause button here a minute)

I have found that women are a tad bit more emotional than men.

What do I mean by that?

I mean that they usually follow their feelings before anything.

So, if something feels good they tend to be drawn to it and if something feels bad they tend to not be drawn to it.

(Ok, unpuase!)

If you have a man making you feel good about something you are going to open up a bit more (HOT.) However, if a few days later you remember that horrible fight and it gives you a really bad feeling inside you are going to close off a bit (COLD.)

Do you see how it works now?

Basically a woman who is unsure of how she feels or who is conflicted with feeling one thing in one moment and then another thing in another moment will give you this hot and cold treatment.

Reason #3- She Is Playing Mind Games With You

obi want

Do yourself a favor and hop on over to Ex Boyfriend Recovery and read some of my material there.

(For those of you who don’t know I actually run two websites. A brother site (Ex Girlfriend Recovery) and a sister site (Ex Boyfriend Recovery.))

Anyways, I am getting off topic a bit.

Go over to EBR and take a look at all the women who are desperately searching for advice on how to get their boyfriends back.

Specifically I want you to take a look at how willing women are to play mind games with their exes to get them back.

(It doesn’t help that I encourage them too either.)

Here is a truth that I have come to learn over the years.

No one is better at playing mind games than women.

In fact, women had to be the ones to even come up with the idea.

Isn’t it possible that your ex girlfriend, being as smart as she is, is playing mind games with you?

That she is being “hot” and “cold” on purpose.

Now, I know what you are wondering at this point.

“But why would she do that?”

There could be a couple of reasons. Maybe she is trying to get back at you for making her feel as bad as she does about the breakup and her way of doing that is to lead you on. Maybe she just enjoys watching your wheels spin as you try to figure her out. Heck, maybe she wants you back and this is her way to do it.

(Side Note: I would teach a woman to be hot and cold to a man on purpose to win him back)

Whatever the case is it is very possible for an ex girlfriend to be hot and cold as a result of mind games.

Lets move on!

Reason #4- She Is Still Mad But Has Moments Where She Remembers The Good Times

she mad

I am trying to think of something comparable to this.

Hmm…

I actually came up with an idea but I am a little hesitant to share it with you for fear of being mocked.

Though I supposed I can’t be called a “true fan” if I hide it from you.

Are you ready…

Brace yourselves…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

I am a fan of… The Dallas Cowboys…

dallas cowboys

I suppose it makes sense when you consider that I am from Texas and my father and grandfather are huge Cowboys fans. I followed suit of course!

Oh, and I haven’t even told you the best part.

I don’t even live in Texas anymore. I moved to be with my wife who lives in… get this… Philadelphia.

UGH… Eagles…

eagles

Yup, I live in enemy territory…

Anyways, I got a little off topic there.

Sometimes when I am watching the Cowboys and they play particularly poorly I tend to get a bit… angry.

In fact, I can get so upset sometimes that I will literally turn a game off and stop watching for an hour or two because of mad it can make me.

Of course, here is the best part.

During that hour where I have them turned off the Cowboys are forefront in my mind.

“I wonder if they scored?”

“Remember that one time that I turned them off like this and I got curious as to what the score was and I turned back and they were winning?”

“Lightning can strike twice, right?”

“AHHH I NEED TO CHECK.”

Eventually after I remember the good times I turn it back to see the score again.

What if this same type of effect is happening to your ex girlfriend when she thinks about you?

What if she gets mad at you for the breakup and becomes cold towards you. However, after some time and remembering the good times she decides to check in again and becomes hot towards you?

It’s possible for that to happen, right?

Reason #4- She Doesn’t Trust Him

trust

Hypotehtical situation…

Lets say that you and your ex girlfriend broke up because you cheated on her.

It was a girl at your office who you have had admired from afar for quite some time. One day she came up to you and began flirting. You, being a guy enjoyed the flirting and pretty soon you found yourself looking forward to work solely because you wanted to see this girl.

Months went by and eventually the two of you were hanging out, outside of work, and then she says it…

“I think I am falling for you..”

The words hit you like a two ton truck and you find yourself extremely overcome by the moment and do the unthinkable…

You kiss her…

The moment that your lips meet hers you knew you made a mistake.

Visions of your girlfriend pop into your head and you get this horrible sinking feeling in your gut.

Of course, you are a human being and your first instinct is to hide your indiscretion from your girlfriend. Your first thought is,

“Maybe if I don’t even say anything this will just blow over.”

It doesn’t though..

In fact, the girl that you cheated on your girlfriend with really wants you and in an effort to break you and your current girlfriend up she lets slip the fact that you cheated.

Your girlfriend is furious upon learning the news and breaks up with you.

Of course a few weeks later you stumble across my book, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO and start learning from this guy,

Jennifer Chris W-338 copy

(Are you starting to regret that decision yet?)

Anyways, you learn all sorts of cool tricks like the no contact rule, how to text her due to your purchase of the Texting Bible and pretty much how to approach every get your ex back situation that you can think of.

Eventually you start seeing some progress as she starts opening up to you a bit. However, just when you think you have reached a new level she does something that changes your mind and thinks you have no chance again.

This process repeats over and over again like a never-ending merry go round.

Screen Shot 2015-10-11 at 12.28.48 AM

So, what the heck is happening here?

Why would your ex girlfriend react this way.

Well, my money is on the fact that she doesn’t trust you.

Think of it like this.

In the moments where she is “HOT” she is remembering all the good times the two of you had. All of the times that were great in your relationship. However, all the times where she is “COLD” she is remembering the bad times. Specifically the time where you betrayed her trust and cheated on her.

So, how do you overcome this?

Heck, how do you overcome all of these “hot” and “cold” reasoning’s?

Well, that’s where the meat of this article really comes into play.

How To Overcome The “Hot” And “Cold” Treatment

patience

I couldn’t resist a Yoda meme!

Really the best way to overcome the hot and cold treatment from your ex girlfriend is to take all of the reasons I gave above…

Tell me you don’t need me to repeat them?

You do, don’t you?

Ok…

Reasons An Ex Girlfriend Would Give You The Hot/Cold Treatment

  1. She wants him there for security
  2. She doesn’t know what she wants
  3. She is playing mind games
  4. She is still mad about the breakup while at the same time has a lot of love
  5. She doesn’t trust him yet

Ok, where was I before I was rudely interrupted by you :p .

The best way to overcome the hot and cold treatment is to take all the reasons I gave above and combat all of them in some way so that your ex girlfriend has really no motivation to continue giving you the treatment.

Oh, but I haven’t gotten to the best part yet.

Are you ready?

Did you notice that in my explanations of why a woman would give you the hot/cold treatment it usually revolved around the fact that at times a woman was feeling good about you and then that feeling became trumped by a bad feeling (which caused her to be “cold.”)

Well, what I am going to teach you how to do is to maximize the “hot” moments and minimize the “cold” moments.

Do you get it?

No?

Ok, I will create a fun graphic for you to explain it,

hot and cold

So basically what we are doing is taking all those “hot” qualities and trotting them out in front of your ex while we disarm all the “cold” qualities in the background.

Alright, lets do it.

The first order of business is talking about disarming those cold qualities.

This is where understanding the reasons for a hot and cold ex come into play.

Lets start with the first reason.

Disarming Reason #1- She Wants You There For Security

DO NOT…

I repeat.

DO NOT become your ex girlfriends emotional support after this breakup.

It is a known fact that breakups cause people to seek support.

I mean, look at you.

You came here to Ex Girlfriend Recovery looking for help on how to get your ex girlfriend back and if you are honest with yourself you are probably using my blog as a form of therapy, right?

(Ya… you can’t hide it from me ๐Ÿ˜‰ .)

Anyways, a common thing that women will do is actually turn to their ex boyfriends for support and if an ex boyfriend is like you (where he wants to get back with an ex girlfriend) he is probably going to be more than happy to lend that support.

Theirs just one problem…

THIS IS HOW MEN GET FRIEND ZONED.

So, what’s the solution here?

Don’t become your ex boyfriends support.

In fact, one of the most popular strategies that I talk about in PRO is the no contact rule as this kind of prevents any emotional support after a breakup.

Oh, for those of you who don’t know what the no contact rule is it is basically this period of time where you ignore your ex girlfriend after a breakup. I usually recommend somewhere between 21 to 45 days.

In fact, I actually wrote an article about it here.

So, I guess my advice to you here is to implement the no contact rule so you prevent being your ex girlfriends number one choice as a “friend.”

Now, I don’t know if there is too much you can do here to put your “hot” qualities front and center so lets just move on to the next bomb to “disarm.”

Disarming Reason #2- Your Ex Girlfriend Doesn’t Know What She Wants Yet

A lot of times people don’t know what they want until you show it to them…

-Steve Jobs

This is certainly true in sales but is it true in relationships?

ABSOLUTELY!

In fact, it is a big part of the strategy that I use in Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO and ironically the latest article I just posted.

How can I put this so that it really sticks in your brain.

Lets walk around in your ex girlfriends shoes for a moment and create what she considers to be the perfect man.

Now, I don’t want to get too crazy with this since I don’t have the time and patience for it so lets just assume that your ex girlfriends “perfect man” has three qualities.

  1. Good looking
  2. Funny
  3. Charming

perfect man

(Now, I realize that in real life your ex girlfriends idea of a perfect man will definitely have more than three qualities but bear with me here for a moment.)

Your ex girlfriend just went through a breakup with you and now she is looking for her idea of a perfect man and then one day she happens to be out at a bar with a couple of friends and she runs into this guy,

perfect man

So, all of a sudden, after meeting with “the man she didn’t know she wanted,” guess what happens?

SHE WANTS HIM!

Now, what if I told you that YOU could become “the man that your ex girlfriend didn’t know she wanted?”

Would you be interested in doing that?

Well, it just so happens that doing just that is how you disarm reason #2.

Disarming Reason #3- She Is Playing Mind Games With You

Back when I was explaining “reason #3” above I mentioned that women are very capable of playing mind games with you.

(Basically that was my way of telling you that the hot and cold treatment was on purpose by her.)

If you believe that to be the case with your ex girlfriend then how the heck are we going to disarm this?

Simple, we are going to utilize a tried and true military tactic that is often used in war, the preemptive strike.

You know what that is, right?

Preemptive Strike- An attack carried out to destroy an enemies capacity to respond. A preemptive strike is carried out based on the assumption that an enemy is planning an imminent attack.

I want to make one thing very clear.

I am not telling you to go out and attack your ex girlfriend.

What I mean by preemptive strike is that I want you to give HER the hot and cold treatment before she does it to you.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“What would that accomplish?”

Well, if you have ever taken the time to read my theories on people in general I have this belief that people are attracted to things that they can’t have.

For example, I want a house…

A really nice house…

With a view…

house with a view

Yup, that will do…

Anyways, the more I think about it the more it becomes attractive to me.

Why?

Because I don’t have it.

But I guarantee you that if I owned that house and I had that view 365 days a year it will lose some of it’s attractiveness (though it would still be pretty damn nice.)

Well, being hot and cold towards someone is like the ultimate way of using yourself as bait and then when the person goes to reach for you, you take yourself away and scream,

“Ha, Ha, Ha, You Can’t Have Me”

In their face.

So, my solution for you is to turn the tables on your ex with a preemptive strike.

Do what she is doing to you to her.

Disarming Reasons #4 & #5- She Is Still Mad But Has Moments Of Love/She Doesn’t Trust You

I coupled these two up because I felt that the strategy disarming reasons four and five is the same. Besides, it can be argued that a woman who is mad is the same as a woman who loses trust.

Lets use our example of cheating that I gave above.

Isn’t it possible that a woman who has been cheated on by you and lost trust in you is going to be mad at you?

You get what I am saying, right?

Yes?

Whatever, I am going forward.

Time heals all wounds…

Your familiar with the phrase, correct?

You should be because it is arguably one of the most quoted phrases of all time.

But is it true?

Does time really heal all wounds.

Hmm…

I tend to think that it doesn’t.

Look, time heals a lot of things.

However, there are some things that it won’t heal.

For example, lets say that a mother loses her child during a horrific car accident. Do you really think that 20 years later after it is all over that she is going to be over that?

Something tells me that she won’t be.

It is for this reason that I would say that the phrase should be amended to say,

It’s what you do with that time that heals

Some men use their time wisely after a breakup and are able to get their ex girlfriends to trust them again and some men don’t and end up pi**ing their girlfriends off even more.

So, here is what I want you to do.

I want you to figure out what your ex girlfriend is mad about and then we are going to spend our time healing that wound for her.

Think about how the human body works when you get a cut.

You get a cut,

c20baae9af5d7f884c01747bd513cdac

Then after you get a cut blood rushes out and forms a clot that tightens and chemicals are released that tell the body to start forming a scab,

c20baae9af5d7f884c01747bd513cdac copy

Once a scab is formed it will eventually fall off making way for a new layer of skin,

c20baae9af5d7f884c01747bd513cdac copy 2

Emotions don’t really work that way do they?

Sure they can heal but often times it requires you (or someone else) to do something to heal them.

So, we are going to take a Que from our own bodies and help your ex girlfriend heal a bit.

I also want to stick with this cut and scab analogy for this.

Now, in this example the cut is going to be the equivalent of the pain that your ex girlfriend is feeling.

c20baae9af5d7f884c01747bd513cdac

The clot/scab is going to be the equivalent of what you do to stop the pain,

c20baae9af5d7f884c01747bd513cdac copy

And finally the scab falling off is going to be like her forgiving you or her pain finally ending,

c20baae9af5d7f884c01747bd513cdac copy 2

Whoa that’s a lot of pictures.

Now, I am guessing you are a bit confused as to how the heck this cut/scab/new skin thing works from an emotional standpoint.

I suppose the best way for me to explain this to you is to give you an example and I can think of no better one than cheating.

Lets take the example of cheating I gave above about you and that girl at work (hopefully you remember.)

The Cut = The Pain She Has From Your Cheating

This one isn’t too complicated to figure out.

If you cheated on your ex girlfriend and she found out that you cheated then she is going to be upset and will not get over it for quite some time.

Of course, we can speed this process along but creating a “scab” for her.

The Clot/Scab = You Implementing My “Rebuilding Trust” Ideas For Cheaters

In my book and in this article I wrote about what you need to do to rebuild trust with your ex girlfriend and what you need to do to get her back if you cheated on her.

The ideas there would be a fantastic place to start to create a scab for your ex girlfriend.

The Scab Falling Off = Her Forgiving You

Not really much explanation needed here…

You can use this “cut theory” on pretty much any angry thought your ex girlfriend has about you. The trick to it is figuring out exactly what you need to do to create the scab.

		

Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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127 Comments on "My Ex Girlfriend Is Hot And Cold With Me… What Does It Mean?"

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Jun2
Guest
Hi chris or amor After the no contact rule we hang out together initiated by me and some event that invited us together i had many terrible mistakes which i beg and force me to stay at her house but we had sex and she said that theres no love. The next few days We had so much fun and there was the time we had movies in their house.. later that night she broke up with her rebound through chat after that she becomes hot to me she began to smell me and hug me we had a dinner… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jun2,

Looks like she’s still hot and cold

Andre jones
Guest
I was at the peak of nc rule but then we were invited seperatley at an event.. i was enjoying at the party not focusing in her that much. Bu iit comes to the point she was hot on me and let me send her home we were happy and having our time together.. she then invited me to stay for a while in her home i know it was wrong but i was convinced by my feeling so we chatted each other and have fun but some how she gets sad and said i cant be witb u anymore… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Andre,

restart the nc rule..

Ian
Guest
Hey, I’m Ian and have been getting hot and cold treatment from my ex but something weird happened. We broke over 2 months ago after a very bad year together, mainly my fault and since we broke I have worked on a lot of things to try to change and become the man I wanted to be. I am in a much more positive place now and my had heard and seen it. So 2 weeks ago my ex gets in touch and asks me to come over and say goodbye to her daughter properly as they are moving to… Read more »
Adam
Guest
Feb 2 my gf broke up with me after 1.5 years… me her and my 9yo son (not hers) we’re living together for 6 months. The relationship became stagnant and “like roommates”. Fast forward to march 15 (after 5 weeks nc) she calls… we start talking… and have been “dating” each other since. But not just casual dates, she’s been coming to all of my sons baseball games, we both took off work together and spent the day with her dad who was visiting philly from Miami, and doing other things that two people in a relationship would do… not… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

be patient.. don’t rush.. just continue slowly building rapport and improving yourself and having fun conversations.

johnnyB
Guest
Hi. Broke up with my ex around 4 years ago! We hadn’t been dating that long, maybe about 3/4 months. We stayed in touch over time, we meet up now and again still today, stay in touch via text. Still get on really well. This last time, we went out for lunch, spent all day together, i went to hers to help her with some stuff. She started cuddling me and then snogged me – her move not mine. There was no drink involved either! We kissed again as she dropped me at the coach stop. We stayed in touch… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Johnny,

go back to building rapport through texts and calls before asking for a meet up again.

JJ
Guest
Hi Chris, Me and my ex girlfriend broke up 5 weeks ago. I tried to beg her for a few days and decided to stop and did the no contact. For Day 3 of no contact, she started to like all my posts on social media. On Day 4, she actually uploaded a photo on social media of the gift I got her on Valentine’s Day and put “Thanks darling” on its caption. On Day 5, since I was ignoring her, she actually contacted me and admitted she has just been suppressing her feelings since she got busy at work.… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jj,

let her be.. stick to your nc and keep posting

Swa
Guest
She broke up with me 3 weeks ago. I went instant into NC for 20 days hoping she would reach out, she did not. I did send her after 20 days 1 message saying sorry for who i was the last period, i told her also i enjoyed being with her past 5 monts an i will not forget her. Then she replyed with “you dont need to be sorry! i cant say anything bad about you and that she needs time for herself”. She also hoped the best for me. After that reply i removed her from all social… Read more »
Swa
Guest

I also would like to say that i made a big effort to improve myself during those 3 weeks, i did alot of stuff to keep myself bussy.
Went to different cities, visted friends, familly, party etc.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Swa

you should start building rapport. Initiate texts to do that and then later on move to calls and then later to going out.

Clay
Guest
So my girl broke up with me after we went to different colleges. We planned to make it work and fight for each other after dating for about 3 months before she moved away. When she did move away I got clingy and missed her a ton. I texted her too much and pressured her too much and made her stressed. So she abruptly ended things. I didn’t text or call and then 4 days later she sent a big text explaining why she did things saying it was for the best blah blah but she wants me in her… Read more »
Preston Porrter
Guest
Hello so me and my ex girlfriend been together for 2.5 years known each other for 3 years we had a arugement that broke off the realtionship and she told me that she had feelings for someone else and not me then she blocked me 2 weeks later she contacts me to see how i am doing next day she gets the cold treatment and blocks me again then another 2 weeks she contacts me again and wants to talk back to me and then she asks me if i wanted to be friends and she said i just wanna… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

hi Preston,

are you still in nc and improving yourself?

ish135
Guest
me and my baby mom broke up 8 months ago and she woke up one day and said she didnt love me anymore , immediately asked for child support ect, i payed it and hustled hard and still do to this day. I’m a good father to our son and love him and her very much because they are family . she’s been hot and cold with me a lot and a week ago she cried to me saying she misses me and when were together things are good and we have a connection and its obvious . but after… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ish135,

why did her feelings changed?

John
Guest
Well my story basically is, she dumped me month ago and I wanted her back from very beginning. Break excuses were mixed. She was with lot of stress cuz of exams and she didn’t feel the same about me. It was all of a sudden and we didn’t have any big fights during relationship. We even kissed for good buy when she dumped me and agreed that we had a great time together. After 1 month of limited contact i contacted her. She agree to meet but she told me that my messages make her unpleasant and uncomfortable. I told… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi John

why was it a limited no contact?

John
Guest
Well , I just could handle it. At some point I just wanted to see how she’s dong with exams and staff. We maybe chat a little in every 10 days and it was initiated by me. Maybe it’s not important at this point. We met twice since my post here. First time we just had little chat about what was happening in past few weeks. Second time we talk about relationship. She was honest to me and I asked for brutal honesty. What I got from everything is that she just decided to push away from me and I… Read more »
James
Guest
My ex GF of 14 years left me two months ago. I’ve begged and pleaded, and I’m finally implementing no contact. However, even though she says she’s “not interested right now and mau never be,” when i get mad and tell her I can’t do this anymore, she tells me “forget it, I’m done. I’m out.” How can she say that if she’s broken up with me? She’s playing serious games. I have been implementing NC for a few days now and randomly ran into her and her mom last night. I wasn’t prepared for it and talked with her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi James,

That’s good that you restarted nc.. I’m sorry what are you confused about? Did you mean should you continue nc even if she’s not interested in you?

ZOOLANDIA
Guest
Hi I am here to share my info with all of you & maybe get some advice : 1.LDR for 1,6 months. 2.I got really busy and started to be less attentive to her emotions, she has always been giving me a lot of love. 3.I somehow felt out of love because i was really busy or self-centred and not appreciating her kindness. 4.She decides to break up 5.3 months later by working on myself and realising the errors i get her back. 6.She is much younger that i and we said that we should fix things in order to… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Zoolandia,

what do you mean by she’s not improving? did she went cold towards you?

ZOOLANDIA
Guest
I mean into making efforts, commitments for us. She used to use instagram a lot and before we met she told me she was addicted, anorexic etc…without much confidence. I suggested her that she should be less active there and start being more enjoying real life and be less into showing off or faking lifestyle that she doesn’t have…when we were closer she listened to my advices so she became more confident and a better person…then i got very busy at work didn’t gave her the attention she needed and also been an asshole, but recognisef my mistakes and it… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

I think she’s not as emotionally mature as you are.. And I don’t see you having a hard if you let her grow first.. I think you should let her figure it out for herself because it looks like she relied on you emotionally and it became a need for her…

ZOOLANDIA
Guest
Hi Amor, She is not mature at all and i have suffered from it but she has many other great qualities and she also suffered from my defaults. I went to a place lately she was invited to but due to our break she wasn’t there, she reached out and was very emotional and told her that it was better to stop talking instead of being cold & hot as it would make the little feelings we have deteriorate. I asked her to pick her things but she said she wanted to wait i told her i need things to… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

nothing..she’s just really immture

Josh
Guest
My ex of two years and I broke up about two months ago. I did no contact after chasing a begging for five weeks. When I saw her she was mad that I had not reached out and was very jealous of a girl I was talking to. We had a good conversation and things seemed to be heading in the right direction. Yet, we had both been drinking not sure what to take from that interaction. I saw her a few days later at a friends birthday party and again she was very flirtatious. After a few days I… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Josh,

if you’re going to be in a group setting again, take time to spend it until you get alone together and open up a conversation that can be continued in text. Try to walk her to her car or have coffee after the party.

Maddy
Guest
My situation is attle different, I’m bi and my gf is also bi, we were in our first same sex relationship (we’re both in our late 20s). In Jan she went to visit family, supposedly told a family member she was bi and happy with me and her family member told her to break up with me (as they are very religious….my ex is not religious at all and has a rocky relationship with her entire family). A week later she dumped me, she seemed very upset about having to do it and hurting me. We had a 2 week… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Maddy,

what if she’s dating the guy to appease her family? Actually I think the real issue is when will she be strong enough to stand up for her own choices.. because let’s say even if she wanted to get back with you, if she’s not ready to face her family’s judgment, she won’t get back with you and she’ll make you a friend so that you won’t totally be out of her life..

Maddy
Guest
Doubt she is dating the guy to appease her family. He has a different religion and her parents wouldnโ€™t approve of him either. For the past month, she has been driving to see this guy every weekend and making sure I know about it. When we run into each other makes sure to go on and on about how great he isโ€ฆIts almost like she is trying to convince herself to love him. When she does this I always respond โ€œIโ€™m happy for youโ€. Lately, Iโ€™ve noticed she has been trying to slip in more intimate details to see my… Read more »
Maddy
Guest
I guess Iโ€™m just confused on the best way to proceed when interacting with her. Iโ€™ve been doing low contact and probably have only initiated the conversation three since May. Iโ€™ve been avoiding her since the hurtful comments (changed my entire schedule to prevent any potential run ins and have used a mutual friend to help me avoid running into at social gatherings). Do you think its best to continue low contact or go back to strict NC? (again probably I would only end up with a friendship out of this right now at best given the family situation and… Read more »
Logan
Guest
Me and my ex broke up about 3 months ago, she said I was clingy, annoying, and lost feelings because of all that, after the break up, we talked for like a month and I was a dumba** and messed around and always annoying again and all that, which made her push me away…we agreed to do no contact, and we talked for 4 days, and she stop thinks I’m annoying and so we agreed to take some more time off eachother..she really hates me now, and is always cold towards me, what should I do to fix being annoying… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Be more active during your no contact this time and build a new life.. It usually means that your world revolves around her when you’re being clingy, that it’s like you having nothing else to do..

Logan
Guest

I will, thank you so much…one of her friends said that she thinks I’m “too pushy”, and she doesn’t think I changed..how can I get her to stop thinking that, and get me to stop being that way?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

that means you’re not active enough and that you have to stop contacting her.. You’re not done in nc right?

Logan
Guest

No, we started on the 4th, I’m probably gonna go until the 4th of the next month, and I’m starting to get more active, and I’m alot happier now

GENO
Guest

We had our ups and downs. But this break up was the worse that ever happened. We haven’t texted each other for 6 days now. What do you think I should do ?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

sorry for the late reply geno..any update?

GENO
Guest
Oh, well I text her asking her if I can go pick up my things on a Saturday, if so I can go over right away that I had free time, then she she said she wasn’t home so I couldn’t go pick it up. Then I told her how I felt and she gave me the oppitsite response then ignored me the whole day. Then Sunday morning she answered me by texting that she’ll let me know when to pick up my things sometime during the weekday so I’ll stop bothering her. So I waited a few days and… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

yeah.. that’s super weird.. honestly I don’t know.. you were positive and you didn’t di anything..
this is not to judge you okay, were there an incident before it that you had hurt her before?

GENO
Guest
My ex girl friend is being mean to me. She broked up with me because she said she wanted to be single and explore and see where life takes her. Work and job wise. I left her alone of course but then 4 weeks later I asked her that I wanted my stuff back. She went crazy cussing at me saying she was going to burn it. Then said she was going to call the cops if I went over. I asked her to leave it by the parking lot that I’ll pick it up then leave. She didn’t do… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Geno,

how did you ask for her number?

GENO
Guest

I don’t remember. I’ve been with her for almost 4 years and I was about to pop the question this year secretly,but she broke up with me.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

I don’t know if it’s type or I was thinking about smthing else,but what I really meant was, how did you ask for youe things back? maybe she got annoyed with it? or she found out or heard something about you that really upset her

Mitchell
Guest
Hey so I’ve got a bit of a complicated one so I’ll try to keep it brief. 3 months ago my ex and I broke up, we had been together for 4 months at that point. We discussed it thoroughly and she told me she simply wasn’t ready for a relationship, that she was afraid of commitment and of being emotionally vulnerable. We initially tried to be friends but I found I couldn’t do that when I still like her and told her as much. I went no contact for 21 days and then reinitiated contact via text, everything seemed… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mitchell

I think she really isn’t ready yet because she’s afraid to get hurt. She has to realize that no relationship is perfect or she would end up not dating anymore. Maybe you could ask for help from a mutual friend, but of course be sure she won’t know it. ask for help to know what would can make her comfortable enough to get into a relationship.

Mitchell
Guest

Unfortunately do to some circumstances outside her control in her past she until recently didn’t have any other friends. She luckily just got reacquainted with an old friend, but I don’t know them. Any other advice you would recommend?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hmmm.. this can sound silly but if she’s really afraid to enter a relationship, you need to make it seem you’re moving on too and whenever you talk to her, you’re just being friendly. No malice..until she becanes your friend and you start to have fun as “friends” only, then build attraction after that, then casually ask why she’s so afraid to commit

Mitchell
Guest

That sounds like solid advice, thank you. One of my friends suggested that I simply ignore her unless she initiates contact, and then be friendly and polite, but also cut it short quickly like I’m busy. Another suggested to continue saying hi if I see her, but to otherwise ignore her unless spoken to. Would you suggest one of these in the mean time?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

I like the first one. ๐Ÿ™‚

Mitchell
Guest

Alright perfect thank you so very much, regardless of how it turns out I’ll let you know. I owe you that much at least. ๐Ÿ™‚

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Thanks Mitchell! Good Luck!

Michael
Guest
Hey chris. I just recently got dumped by my girlfriend of a little over 3 months. She didn’t really give me a straight answer as to why we broke up at first. About a week later, we met for coffee do we could talk it out. We talked for a little under 2 hours about us and little chit chat here and there. I should add that she has a 2 and a half year old daughter who has called me dad on 3 separate occasions. Ay the end of it, as we were walking out, she gave me a… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Michael,
Thanks for sharing your situation with us. I take it you’re a nice guy for her daughter to be able to call you dad. It’s good that she still wants to see you. Have you asked her in a non-confrontational way, what clearly is the reason she broke up with you? Or do you remember anything that could have triggered it?

Patrick
Guest
Hey Chris, I don’t really know what to think and I need something to help me with my ex. It’s been weird for months honestly. Lots of hot and cold behavior and I can’t tell if it’s anything I should be able to fix or use to my advantage. I saw her a couple weeks ago (long distance) but our interactions were hindered by her best friend who ended up tagging along last minute. Not sure if it was planned, to keep me from being too friendly with ex or whatever. Since then and even beforehand, she and I had… Read more »
Wesley
Guest
Hi chris i want to thank you for creating this page its been really helpful. My ex broke up with me 4 months ago because of her parents they didn’t want her to date in high school so we agreed that we’ll still be the best friends like we were before but things got awkward and we stopped texting each other then I applied the nc for 40 days and finally texted her and later we started talking day and night everyday and she shared everything with me but last week we ended up talking about out break up and… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Wesley,

If she doesn’t want to date because of her parent’s wishes, you need to respect that. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a good friendship with her with boundaries. She didn’t say she doesn’t want to talk anymore at all. She’s just not in the mood. If she’s not in the mood, don’t push it. Distance yourself for the mean time.

Chris
Guest
Hi Chris, My ex girlfriend and I broke up a year ago and went through the whole, “I still wanna be friends” thing. But some bad things happened and she did not want anything to do with me. so we quit talking for around 6 months. She had me blocked on facebook and all that but one day over the summer she re-added me without and warning or anything. Then she started calling me almost the same time once a week, every week. We started talking a little more regularly and she invited me to her Halloween party this past… Read more »
Chris
Guest

I guess I was afraid of pushing her too much. I have already messed up pretty big in the past and now that she is letting me back in a little bit, im afraid to mess up again

Chris
Guest

I know its been 3 weeks and all but, and I’ve seen her twice since the last comments. All that’s really come of it is that I found out she is banging one of my friends now. But she still says we should hang out more. I can’t understand any of this, when she hugs me, she hugs me so tightly. I don’t wanna just start posting my sorrows on here but some things with her say “yes” and others say “no”

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Chris,

The question is what do you want and what your standards are. Because what she does right now matters if you don’t like a girl like that or if you think she will change if you are more clear on your intentions.If you want to go back with her but you’re unsure of her feelings, decide if her actions and feelings for you matter to start trying or not.

Ben
Guest

I’ve been doing no contact for 21 days now, I haven’t contacted her once she’s been the only one who’s try to talk to me. However this was only for the first 13 days that’s she was trying to talk to me. She bombarded me with texts so I replied with a short one and cut it off there.

She’s hasn’t tried to contact me at all since so obviously I’m wondering if she’s moving on or not and just a bit worried so just wanted your opinion on that?

Paul
Guest
Hi Chris, I have an ex who has been very hot & cold with me. I’ve tried to arrange dates with her. Initially she agrees to them but doesn’t commit to a day or cancels last minute because she is too busy. She would text me to start a conversation and when I would ask her about stuff she would send back short answers and then not respond after about 3 messages..However, when she is having a tough time she would contact me and ask me for help or to meet her at lunch to which I happily accepted. I… Read more »
Paul
Guest

Thanks Chris. I appreciate the quick response!

Paul
Guest

Chris,
One thing I wanted to ask is in your own personal opinion do you think her no response to my message about me moving on is her way of agreeing that she is finished or do you think she could be playing games to see if I contact her?

Paul
Guest

To be honest I felt like I was getting something off my chest to her because I felt taken for granted for quite some time and previous attempts to talk to her about things were difficult. When I said about moving on I wanted her to believe that it wasn’t an empty bluff and that I’m not going to be just a friend. I was just rattled that she never messaged back so I guess I will continue no contact and see how it goes..

Paul
Guest

Hi Chris,
I’ve sent you an email continuing this conversation. Can you check and confirm if You got it this time? I sent one few weeks back but I don’t think you got it.

Thanks,
Paul

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI Paul,

I’ll remind Chris. Thanks for sending an email. ๐Ÿ™‚

Paul
Guest

Thanks Amor! ๐Ÿ™‚

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Welcome Paul! ๐Ÿ™‚

Paul
Guest

Actually Amor if you wouldn’t mind I’d like to get your feedback and opinion on my email. You can respond back to me on this or by email whenever and whatever way suits. The reason why I didn’t post it up here is because a few things have happened since the last time I messaged Chris and some of it was personal. If you could do that for me then I would greatly appreciate it!

Regards,

Paul

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

No problem Paul. As of now, only and I think another team member reads the emails sent in [email protected]. I’ll remind Chris but today is a weekend for him. So, maybe that’s why he hasn’t answered it yet.

Paul
Guest
Hi Amor, If you could read the story I had written to Chris in the comments it will give you a better indication of things going on. Basically I just want to check..after I called things off with my ex and told her I was moving on..we didn’t speak for a couple of weeks until a close relative of mines passed away. My ex contacted me by text just to send sympathies to me and the family..I responded to say thanks..Since then until now we haven’t spoken or seen each other..we didn’t even wish each other happy christmas or new… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

If it’s about making peace. Sending her message about that would just do. Sometimes it doesn’t even need a reply. But since it’s two months since the last message, why don’t you reach out? One last time, to decide whether or not to move on.

Paul
Guest

I forgot to add..its been almost 8 weeks since the condolence message was sent and I responded

Rudi
Guest
Hi Chris! I feel like she is doing the hot and cold, but I dont know how to make the next step. I have 3-4 positive text message, what you mentioned, she replied all the time. But when I tried to make the next step, the calling, she never picked up, and wrote me right after, the time is not right for her. It was at least 3-4 times, in different time (I mean I tried after work, at the weekend, etc) During texting she said, we should meet in person, but now I dont know how to reach her.… Read more »
Daniel
Guest
Hey Chris, my girlfriend of a year left me at the end of August due to our fighting and toxic behavior. I followed this website and initiated NC then about 2-3 weeks later her friends that are my mutual friends invited me to the party they were having. I saw her and she approached me first, we were drunk sorta and it started off okay, but went iffy. The next day we talked and planned on meeting up sometime which the day of she cancelled but still went and after that we started hanging more and I came to find… Read more »
Dave
Guest
Chris-Please let me know if you can help. I met this girl(25, I am 30) through a friend. She has been single for a few months after ending a 3 yr relationship that ended badly. She has said at times with me that she doesn’t want anything serious, and is afraid of getting hurt. We have been “together” for three months. The first two months we couldn’t get enough of each other-a perfect honeymoon phase. Lots of dates, PDA, hanging out, sex. She said she wanted to plan little trips with me and everything and wants to make memories with… Read more »
Dave
Guest

So you’re saying the NC is not the way to go?

Dave
Guest

Should I stop doing no contact? I am 6 days in. She hadn’t reached out. But she checks all my snapchat stories right away. By the way I did find out she is on tinder

Carl
Guest
Hey Chris. I just want to say great new articles. I would like to say it’s been a great help reading all your articles and them bam you write another great one. My ex and I have been broken up now for 2 months and she started seeing a new guy since day one. I’m not to concerned about that part since you have a great guide on that. I started by begging her to come back and began showing her that I was the guy she originally fell for. Next I would give her space but still talk to… Read more »
Carl
Guest

Thank you Chris for the reply. And yes I did do a no contact but it only lasted 10 days. She was texting and calling me everyday during that time, and I finally answered her since she sent a message about her and I getting back together. And now I have been texting her about 3 to 4 texts a day, following your guidance on the using texts to build attraction.

Carl
Guest

Yes, I only broke the no contact because she made it sound like she wanted to be back together with me. If i am understanding corectly, you are saying that I should go back into a no contact but this time make it at least 14 days?

Carl
Guest

Thank you Chris
I’m going to go for 21 day and only stop if she says flat out she wants to date me again.

Carl
Guest
Hey Chris, got a quick question, I have read your e book and all the write ups on no contact. She contacted me about her dog possibly being pregnant from my dog (I think it was actually the neighbors breeding dogs), I know about the only times to break the no contact, but to her, her dog is her “child” and means alot to her (first of her own and purebred.) Do I contact her back and say “no I don’t believe they were ever alone together,” or do I just let it go and she will realize she was… Read more »
Carl
Guest

This is the second time she text me. The first was two days after starting the NC and all she said was “wrong person?”
I think also that she is just trying to get some sort of attention from me because she said “either of you…” and I asked and she didn’t send it to anyone else that is around the two dogs. I haven’t replied to her either.

Carl
Guest

Also I had a quick question. When me and my ex broke up she told me she just wanted to be single for a while and was unsure about being with me. Come to find our she started talking to a guy and it progressed for talking and hanging out maybe 3 times a week to now she practically living with him. All in two months time. She still tells me they are nothing and that she is still confused about me and her. Since they are not technically in a relationship is it still a rebound relationship?

Carl
Guest

Started talking to a guy that same day she said we were over

Carl
Guest
They met at a concert weekend/camping deal, and she came back everyday that weekend to shower or whatever, and was still talking to me about going back with her but I was busy with work so I couldn’t go. Then she came back and said she was done. She says he’s not the reason but everyone sees it that he is. Also no I haven’t dated anyone else, not for lack of the opportunity, but she said she doesn’t like how many people I have been with in my past. I never physically cheated on her, never even touch another… Read more »
Carl
Guest

I think I screwed up, today was my birthday and without thinking about it I replied to my ex’s happy birthday text with thank you.

Carl
Guest

It’s been 9 days this time

Khalid
Guest
Hi Chris! I know lately you’ve been busy w your personal life and you have previously stated that you and you wife have had a child, congratulations by the way, so it’s been hard for you to get back to everyone In the website. So I took it upon myself to email you as well as comment because in the situation I am in now, I could really use your help man! So me and my ex have been together since she was in the 7th grade and I was in the 8th! Currently we have been broken up since… Read more »
Khalid
Guest
Me and my ex have been together for 2 years… She has never been lesbian and has always opposed it! Her friend Keller has also opposed of it too and has never been or considered being lesbian. The two of them have started being friends since last year and ever since our break up, and ever since my ex and I have started dropping in communication, Keller and my ex have started to grow closer together! My ex has never had a best friend before that has consistently talked to her and her alone (she’s a very selfish person). My… Read more »
Khalid
Guest

By the way I’m 17 and she just turned 16….

Bob
Guest

I just saw on her and her friend Kellers messages that they are in fact lesbian together but confused on if they are really close or actual gay lovers! So that hurt me really bad when I hacked into her page but yea!

Christian
Guest

Wow Chris.. And to think that I trusted you! But here I find that you are a stinkin’ Cowboys fan.. GO BIRDS!!!

Christian
Guest

Fun fact, I did too! Worst game I have ever been to! Small world dude.

Christian
Guest

Haha well if you ever find yourself in West Chester, stop by my family’s restaurant; The Market Street Grill. Breakfast is on me.