I am not going to lie to you.
I hate infidelity.
Sometimes I read stories from men and women about the lengths they are willing to go to, to deceive, manipulate and cheat on their partners and I am absolutely disgusted. Now, I am not here to give you a hard time about your situation. I am sure you have already beat yourself up enough about it without me adding on to the pity pile.
So, instead of telling you that you were bad and that you messed up I am going to give you a solution on how you can approach your current predicament.
Of course, I wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about that solution with you until I first gave you a little disclaimer.
Your Ex Girlfriends Perspective
As many of you know, in addition to this website, Ex Girlfriend Recovery, I also run another website called, Ex Boyfriend Recovery.
That website is essentially the women’s version of this one where I help women get their exes back. So, as you can imagine I have heard my fair share of, “my ex boyfriend cheated on me,” stories.
So, I have some good news and some bad news for you regarding your ex girlfriend.
Which would you like to hear first?
Alright, here is the bad news.
Your ex girlfriend is going to be angry at you. So angry at you in fact that it is unlikely that she is going to take you back. You cheated on her and she has every right to be mad about that. The experience of you being unfaithful can hurt her for years (yes, I am not joking.)
That is something that you can’t just “get over” in a month.
So, the bad news is that getting an ex girlfriend back that you cheated on is probably the worst situation to be in (for you.) In other words, your chances are significantly lower.
Of course, I am going to show you what you need to do to succeed (in other words, the only method I have ever seen work for people.)
I did mention there was good news though, right?
Here is the good news.
As shocking as it may seem there are women who want their ex boyfriends back despite the fact that they cheated on them. I know it sounds crazy but hear my logic out for a moment.
I mentioned that I also run a fairly large site in addition to this one, right?
Well, that other site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery, has a page set aside specifically for women whose exes cheated on them.
Guess how many comments that page has?
That means that there are a good number of women who are so in love with their boyfriends that they want them back even though they cheated on them.
So, the good news here is that even though your chances are without a doubt lowered if you cheated on your ex there is still hope because I have actual proof that there are women out there that will take a cheating ex back.
I guess the question you are now wondering is,
“How do I get my ex girlfriend back if I cheated on her?”
I am glad you asked.
Below I have put together a specific plan for you to follow for you to even have a chance of winning back your ex.
The Cheating Recovery Plan
You will notice that in the graphic above there are really 5 steps to the “cheating recovery plan.”
Pretty nifty name huh?
I am known for going into great detail on pretty much every single topic you can possibly think about so the graphic above is going to be no different. The five topics talked about there are,
- The No Contact Rule
- Showing Intense Commitment
- Ending The Relationship
- Regaining Trust
- Rebuilding Attraction
I suppose we should start with the no contact rule.
The Importance Of The No Contact Rule For Cheaters
It sounds like the opposite of what you should be doing doesn’t it?
I mean, every fiber of your being probably wants to make up for what you did (cheating on your girlfriend) by writing long elegant apology letters, begging for her forgiveness or literally doing whatever she tells you to do until she takes you back.
What do all of those behaviors (writing letters, begging or following her every instruction by essentially becoming her slave) have in common?
If you guessed that none of them are what attractive people do then you would be right.
Look, I am not going to beat around the bush here. Your ex girlfriend does want you to beg for her back. She does want you to do everything humanly possible to prove to her that your indiscretion was a one time thing and it will never happen again.
However, right after you drop the “cheating bomb” or she breaks up with you isn’t the time to convince her to take you back.
Timing is everything when it comes to this.
Perhaps I could explain this a little better to you if I use a few examples.
Ok, you are here because you cheated, she found out and you obviously want her back. The problem with trying to convince her to take you back immediately after a breakup is that she is going to be more angry, hurt and disappointed in you than you can imagine.
Look, cheating on your significant other is the absolute worst thing that you can do in a relationship. There is NOTHING that hurts more. So, you have to understand that your ex girlfriend is going to need some time to level out emotionally.
The no contact rule can give her that time.
Of course, it also allows you not to do something stupid like begging for her back.
Why is begging for her back a bad idea?
NC vs Begging
Lets say that I am dating a girl and I cheat on her (which I would never do but this is an example so stick with me here.)
Alright, so I cheated on this imaginary girl and she found out. Obviously she isn’t going to be too happy with me. Now lets imagine that I beg for her back.
How do I go about this?
I blow up her cell phone with calls, texts and voicemails apologizing for what I did. In fact, I even go a step further and start writing her these long involved letters hoping that she will have some epiphany and take me back. While I guarantee that she will like the attention this won’t help my ultimate goal of getting her back.
Because the wound of you cheating is still too fresh and you haven’t done anything to prove to her that things are going to change the second time around.
Talk is cheap and action is everything, remember that.
Now, lets take the same exact imaginary situation (me cheating on an imaginary girl) and look at how I would go about regaining her trust to win her back with the no contact rule.
Every fiber of my being is probably going to be telling me to beg for her back but I am not going to do that. Instead, I will probably send a simple text message like this,
(Side Note: Usually I don’t like recommending that people give a warning when they go into NC but I feel in this case, since you cheated, an exception has to be made.)
After that text message I would probably go into either a 21, 30, 45 or 60 day no contact rule. It is during this change that I would make some massive changes with my life (which I am going to cover in the next section entitled “Showing Intense Commitment.”)
Why are these changes in my life important?
Because they are all going to be geared towards proving (not just showing) that you are a trustworthy person.
So, lets pull back for a second and really take a look at whats happening here.
Instead of begging for my imaginary ex back I decided to write a heartfelt apology and immediately duck into the no contact rule. As I am in the middle of the no contact rule I am doing things to prove that I am a trustworthy person. In other words, I am making some massive changes with my life to prove I can change my cheating ways.
Why is this so much more effective than begging?
Well, for one no girl finds begging super attractive. Remember, women are attracted to alphas not betas and men who beg are betas. Also, even though you can beg for your ex girlfriend back you aren’t doing anything to show her that you are a different, better and more trustworthy version of yourself.
The no contact rule gives you time to change your ways. It gives you time to prove that you are someone who can be completely trusted. However, most importantly, it allows you to be missed.
NC > Begging.
Showing Intense Commitment
Lets pretend for a moment that your girlfriend cheated on you instead of the other way around.
Assuming that you are someone who gives second chances what would she have to do in order to win your heart back?
Speaking personally if someone cheated on me I would want to see an intense commitment by them to changing their ways or removing themselves from any type of situation that people often cheat in. For example, if a girl I was dating went to a club, found a guy there, danced with that guy and then eventually went home and slept with that guy then I am probably not going to be too thrilled of the idea of her going out to clubs after I break up with her.
Lets do a role swap using the same exact situation. However, instead of it being me and some imaginary girl lets pretend its you and your girlfriend.
So, to recap in case you forgot.
You went to a club, found a girl, took that girl home and eventually slept with her. Oh, and you did this all behind your girlfriends back. Obviously when your girlfriend finds out she is going to break up with you. Now, lets fast forward a few weeks when your ex girlfriend is really missing you (despite you cheating on her) and one of her girlfriends ends up spotting you at another club.
When your ex hears that she is going to immediately think,
“Wow, he hasn’t changed at all. There is no way I would ever want to get back with him if he keeps clubbing because he would probably cheat on me.”
This is where the intense commitment bit comes in.
How To Show Intense Commitment
This part isn’t going to be easy to hear but it has to be heard.
Any type of behavior that can make your ex girlfriend think of cheating has to be eliminated.
What are these types of behaviors?
- Getting drunk.
- Going to clubs (for a while.)
- Going to bars (for a while.)
- Hitting on other women.
I am going to take a moment now and describe the threat of each of these behaviors and why you are going to have to avoid them at all costs.
You want to know what the most cited reason is for cheating?
“I was drunk… it was a mistake.”
Now, that’s a total BS answer but I have heard way too many stories from people using it as a crutch for cheating. Look, women have crazy minds (much more crazy than a mans mind.) So, trust me when I say that you getting drunk can lead their mind down a rabbit hole that eventually associates it with cheating.
So, rather than taking this chance of having your ex look at you like an unchanged man I say cut out drinking altogether.
Of course, if you do like a beer every now and then at least promise yourself that you won’t get drunk.
Show some commitment to this.
Going To Clubs And Bars
I have a question I want to ask you.
Why do most single men go to clubs and bars?
Let’s not beat around the bush here, it’s to get laid.
Yes, we are all men here and we all know that most men go to bars and clubs to pick up chicks. Your ex girlfriend isn’t stupid and realizes this fact. So, if for some reason she catches wind that you are going to a club or a bar she already has that association formed in her head and she is going to think that you are the same old guy that cheated on her.
So, show some commitment and be willing to sacrifice going to the clubs and bars.
Hitting On Other Women
I have a feeling that this is going to be one of the more challenging tasks that I ask of you.
Look, you are single and I am assuming that you are pretty good with women because you got a girlfriend (and you cheated on her.) So, that tells me that you know how to seduce.
Well, if you really want your ex girlfriend back then you are going to have to stop flirting with other women. You will have to stop hitting on them too. Your sole focus needs to be on one woman, the woman you want to get back.
End The Relationship
You and your ex girlfriend weren’t the only ones affected by your infidelity.
The person you cheated with is likely going to be affected as well.
Look, I already know that you want your ex girlfriend back but how are you supposed to handle the third party that is also going to be affected by this?
If you want my greatest piece of advice when it comes to winning back an ex you cheated on it would be this,
You need to end whatever relationship you have with the person you cheated with completely.
(I did an extensive talk about this in my other guide on cheating if you would like a more in-depth insight than what I am about to provide below.)
What Does Ending The Relationship Completely Mean?
Lets look at things from your ex girlfriends perspective for a moment.
Lets say that your ex is thinking seriously about taking you back but is having some serious reservations about doing so because you are still good friends with the girl that you cheated on her with. What about if your ex actually did take you back but you were still good friends with the girl you cheated on her with?
Something tells me that your ex is going to be worried about history repeating itself.
One of the biggest mistakes I see that men make when they are in this particular situation is that they don’t have the stones to be a little mean and end a relationship with the girl that is the cause of all of their exes pain.
Look, I am not a fan of burning bridges but in the end it all boils down to this.
Who do you want more?
Your ex girlfriend (the reason you are here) or the girl you cheated on her with?
If you are serious about getting your ex girlfriend back then show that intense commitment to here and don’t be afraid to be a little mean to this other girl.
- Block the girl from calling or texting you.
- Block her from all forms of social media.
- Never see her again in person.
- Essentially cut her out of your life entirely.
Is this too harsh and a bit much?
But here is the way I look at it.
Lets say you advance pretty far in your quest to get your girlfriend back. After months of slowly rebuilding trust you finally go on a date with her.
This is it.
You FINALLY have her one on one again and it’s your chance to prove to her that you’ve turned over a new leaf. Of course, eventually your ex is going to get curious and ask the question that all exes will eventually ask in this situation.
“So, how’s (insert name of person you cheated on her with?)”
This is a question with meaning behind it.
If an ex girlfriend ever asks you something like this then that means she is trying to figure out what your relationship with that particular person is like.
It is at this point that you have two options which will all depend on whether or not you took my advice.
Option One- You Are Still Friends With The Person You Cheated On Her With
(AKA, The Wrong Option)
Lets say for a minute that you are an idiot and didn’t take my advice of completely ending your relationship with the person you cheated on your ex girlfriend with. Well, one of the main doubts in your exes head on whether or not she wants to get back with you is if history is going to repeat itself.
Specifically with this one person.
So, the second that your ex asks you the age old question that prys about your relationship with that one person and you tell her that you are still friends with that person then that is going to add extra doubt into your exes head which is going to make it twice as hard to get her back.
Option Two- You Haven’t Spoken To That Person Since The Incident (You Cut Them Out Of Your Life)
(AKA, The Right Option)
Alright, now lets say that you were smart and you did take my advice about cutting the girl you cheated on your ex with completely out of your life.
When your ex asks the question and you tell her that you got rid of her as a friend, as a phone contact and all social media your ex is going to be very impressed and instead of doubt creeping into her head the exact opposite thing will creep into her head, trust.
Speaking of trust.
Regaining Your Ex Girlfriends Trust
I am sure you have realized by now that everything that I have told you to do up to this point has been to slowly regain your exes trust.
You see, during your relationship with your ex she probably trusted you entirely. She told you things that she hasn’t told anyone and you were probably always the first person she went to when she had a problem. If you could rate her trust in you on a scale it would be a 10 out of 10.
Of course, now that you cheated on her she has no trust in you at all.
(That’s a 0 out of 10 in case you were wondering.)
Women don’t just get over being cheated on. In fact, I wouldn’t be shocked if it took them years to finally come to terms with your betrayal. I want you to understand that this isn’t going to be an overnight process. You see, most guys waltz in here and think that in a couple of weeks if they do the things I suggested above their ex is going to magically come back to them.
Your very naive if you think this process is going to take just a couple of weeks.
No, this is going to take months and sometimes even years. In other words, it is going to require your commitment and blind faith (which is something that isn’t always easy to have when it comes to this process.)
If you can’t bring those qualities to the table then you might as well not even try.
Why are these qualities so important?
Because without those qualities it will be impossible to win back your exes trust.
Commitment & Blind Faith
Rebuilding trust takes two things.
Yup, you guessed it.
Commitment and Blind Faith!
Lets talk a little about commitment first.
When I say commitment I am not just talking about it in the sense that you have to commit to your ex girlfriend (meaning no other girls.) No, I am talking about how you have to commit to the process of getting her back. You can’t take any shortcuts and you have to do things the hard way which sometimes isn’t easy when there isn’t a guarantee of success.
Of course, this is where the blind faith comes in handy.
Look, I am not going to lie to you. Even if you do everything right on this page you might not succeed in getting your ex girlfriend back. Most men are paralyzed by this fact and as a result don’t put in the proper amount of effort that is required to build trust.
But every once in a while a special type of man comes along. The type of man who believes so much in this process that he is willing to remain disciplined and put in the proper amount of work it takes to win back a girls heart.
This type of man has blind faith.
Do you see what I am getting at here?
YOU need to be this type of man.
The Process of Rebuilding Attraction
So far this guide has covered one main aspect of getting an ex girlfriend back, rebuilding trust.
Unfortunately, rebuilding trust in your ex isn’t going to be enough to win her heart back.
The other piece of the puzzle has to do with rebuilding attraction. You see, women are in love with courtship, romance and chemistry and you took a pretty big tumble in those departments when you cheated on your girlfriend.
Fortunately I have a plan for you to proceed if you are looking to make up in the “rebuild attraction” category. Here’s the thing though, rebuilding attraction is such a complicated process that I can’t really sum it up in a small paragraph for you.
Instead I figured I would refer you to some of my other guides that specifically deal in rebuilding attraction.
Take a look below,