Everyone plays games these days, even the most upstanding people do it without realizing it. And when you are on the receiving end it is hard to tell when you are being played, especially when you want more than anything for their actions to mean that they are ready to get back together.
So, your ex kissed you and then she ghosted you. Now, you want to know if she’s doing it just to mess with you or if it means something.
I completely understand why though. It sucks to be left in the dark about these things.
But how do you tell the difference?
How do you know if she is actually playing games with you or if she’s really struggling with the decision to come back or not?
The Games Women Play
Well, the first thing you need to do is understand the reasons women play games in the first place. It’s really simple there are only three reasons we play games.
- We are trying to steer you towards making a decision on your own, because we already know what we want.
- We are trying to punish you, because we feel like you played us first.
- We are trying to confuse you, because we have been told our entire lives that men like women who are not predictable by pretty much every movie, interview, and magazine article on the topic. And when we don’t know what to do we look to these things and our friends and family for guidance.
It’s almost always one of those three things.
Once you understand that, you have to gain a basic understanding of the psychology of game playing… from a woman’s perspective.
So, let’s look at common ploys and tactics women use to play games with you.
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Playing the Damsel
I have hated that movies and fairy tales paint women as inherently as being in distress since I was a kid. I grew up making sure that I knew how to take care of myself. But the thing is that when we know what we want, we aren’t above playing the damsel to get your attention. Well, some women aren’t. “I’m stranded with a flat!” “I need help programming my new computer.” “Could you help me move to my new place?” It isn’t because she wants you to change her tire, or fix her computer, or muscle all of her junk around. The things is, any woman in the world has some guy waiting in the wings for her to pay attention to him, probably more than one. But she asked you… which means she is trying to reconnect with you or she wants to create some good faith. Haven’t you ever noticed that when you do a small favor for someone, you start to feel more inclined to help her out on other things. It’s a classic psychology move.
We all have egos, all of us. How would you feel if you suddenly realized that your ex could be getting over you? Well, at some point it’ll hit her that you could be considering moving on. That’s when ego rears it’s ugly head and tells her that even if she isn’t sure about getting back together, she doesn’t want to lose the option if she decides she does. So, she baits you into staying connected so you feel as though you still have something invested in the relationship. The crazy part is that we do this without even realizing it most of the time. Think about it. Even as babies, we cry for attention making mom think that there is something wrong when all we really want is for her to remind us that she loves us. Do you think babies have some underlying plan?
The Waiting Game
No one wants to seem too eager when dealing with an ex… or even someone we are just interested in general. When you are excited to talk to someone, it can take EVERYTHING you have not to respond instantly to their advances. I’m seeing someone and I still make myself wait a few minutes to get back to him. Why? Well, I wouldn’t want him to think I just stare at my phone all day waiting for him to text me…. right?
So, when you reach out to re-establish contact and she doesn’t answer right away, just know that it’s likely that she is trying to keep from being a doormat. Yeah, I said it. Any smart woman knows that when you give anyone, no matter the terms of the relationship – family, friend, or lover, everything they ask for and more, they will inevitably walk all over you. At least, that’s the way we see it. by making you wait a little while, it makes us feel like we aren’t powerless in this situation.
“I’m doing just fine. Everything’s peachy. In fact, our breakup is the best thing that has ever happened to me.” If this is the message you are receiving from her, then there are two things it could mean. One, she’s loving life and making the best out of a bad situation. Or, she’s trying really hard to make it seem that way. Why would she do that? Well, let’s look at how you’re feeling in the face of what she’s putting out there. Are you more interested now than you were before in getting her attention? I’m taking the fact that you are here… at this site… as a sign that whatever games she’s playing is hitting home.
Playing Hard to Get
I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, every tactic is a double edge sword. Most of them could be done both subconsciously or on purpose. It’s up to you to know if your ex is simply having trouble deciding whether to get close to you again or not, which could result in her spending time with you and then being distant while she contemplates where you go from here. But if she has reason to be particularly angry after your breakup or she just happens to be an overly vindictive kind of person then she could be using the fact that you are still hung up on her to punish you. But you know what anger is? It is an extremely strong emotion. You know who you don’t get angry at? You don’t get angry at people you don’t care about.
So, The Ill-Timed Talk
Imagine you spend every single Thursday watching football and cracking open a cold one with the boys. Your ex texts you Thursday about and hour or two before you are supposed to head over there. “I need to talk to you. It’s important.” Now, maybe she has something important and maybe she doesn’t, but the fact of the matter is that she knows for sure that Thursdays you have plans, but she asked anyways. She wants you to show her if she is still important to you. (If you are wondering if women do this while they are in a relationship, you better believe it.)
You get a call and, go figure, she needs a favor, but this time she’s a little more forward with you. She compliments you. She tells you that she misses you. She asks you for a favor and your sitting there 98% sure that she is hinting to you that she will be “exceedingly grateful” in some way that may or may not be intimate in nature. You see where I’m going with this. If she is making you think you have a shot with her, even just physically, just for favors, then that means that she thinks you wouldn’t help her if she didn’t.
How to Recognize the Difference
Do you watch basketball?
Even if you don’t, I’m sure you have watched a sport at some point in your life. And if you have, then you have probably marveled at some point at the players’ ability to sense where their opponent was going BEFORE they even took a step in that direction. I played basketball in middle school, but the way our coach had us running drills you’d think we were in preseason for the NCAA. Now, I never was coordinated enough to keep up with basketball, or any sport really, but there were some people that it came naturally to. However, there were people at my skill level that dedicated every ounce of determination they had to becoming better at it.
The way that they did that. They studied footwork and the tactics of their opponents. They learned to see what was coming before it happened by learning what actions the players took before making key plays. I asked a friend of mine to explain this to me once at one of the games and she pointed to one of the guys on the boys’ basketball team.
“Watch Drew. See how he’s running down the left side of the court towards the other team’s basket? Well, watch when he hits right where the 3-point line. If he leans hard into his left foot then he is going to pivot and fake right. But if his effort goes into controlling the ball rather than footwork then you can bet that he’s going to go for a layup.”
Sure enough, she was right.
Now, talking about tactics and how to recognize them when you are presented with them I realize that this preemptive way of looking at things makes it a lot easier to figure out whether or not she’s playing you to mess with you or to get you back.
Taking the Home Court Advantage – (If we’re going to stick with sports metaphors) She’s insisting that you meet her somewhere she feels comfortable and you feel small and out of place.
Intellectual Bullying – Have you ever had someone argue with you by dumping a TON of information to overwhelm you? Welcome to intellectual bullying.
Gaslighting – She’s making you second guess your sanity by making you think you remember things incorrectly. When people do this before playing you it’s an attempt to undermine your confidence in yourself.
You Show Me Yours… – There is technique that is used in strategic warfare a lot. If you take a step back and wait, your enemy will undoubtedly show their hand. So, if she steps back and lets you have your say and then starts toying with you, wondering if she’s doing it to mess with you or to get you back is natural, because it is blatant manipulations.
Mudslinging – Bringing up old grievances is a surefire way to take your eye off the ball and throw you off your own game. So, if she comes at with you with anger, sure it could be because you did something (Did you do something to deserve it?) or it could be her attempt to distract you by making you get angry back.
Ultimatums – People who give ultimatums think that they hold all the cards. But, if I’ve learned anything from watching “Suits,” when someone points a gun at your head and demands you do something, you don’t just have two choices. Most people assume you have to dies, or give in and that’s all their is. However, as Harvey and Mike point out more than once that there are always other options like taking the bullets out of the gun or turning it around on them. A good strategists knows that you show people the choices you want them to choose from and leave out or discount the ones you don’t want them to notice. If she comes to you and gives you two options, that doesn’t necessarily mean that those are your ONLY options.
Negs – Several years ago, curiosity got the better of me and I read the Pick Up Artist’s Bible before gifting it to my room mate. Aside from an interesting look at the male psyche, it pointed out a few things I didn’t realize were excellent tools of distraction; one of which is negging. A guy walks up a girl at a bar and says,
“Well aren’t you lovely? It’s a pity you distract from it with such dreadful fashion sense.”
It’s both a compliment and a way to knock her down a peg. Using this tactic before playing you is yet another way to throw you off and give her an upper hand.
How to React
If you think sh’e splaying you, then your first reaction will be to try to protect yourself by lashing out.
These tactics are generally used by people who think they are operating from a position of weakness. If you can avoid being distracted or tricked into acting rashly then you can very well turn the situation on it’s head.
This is why No Contact is such a useful method. It allows all parties involved to gather their thoughts and weigh their actions. If you decide to use the ExRecovery Program, the first step is No Contact.
If you take the spirit of No Contact and apply it to this situation, you will know that taking a step back before reacting to her actions will allow you to react gracefully and with careful consideration.
Your best bet is figuring out what it is that YOU want out of this and be prepared to fight for it and lose.
One of the best things I realized a long while ago is that we don’t always get what we want. I’m sure you can tell me that this is no revelation. However, if you imagine the worst possible outcome and prepared for it, you arm yourself against every pitfall you might come up against.
Being prepared to lose everything, makes you less likely to stumble into a trap.
It;s hard to control your impulses, but just roll with me here.
Just a Quick Recap
If you haven’t noticed, there are plently of ways to be deceived and I have giving you one way to deal with all of them. You might imagine that that isn’t enough to deal with them all. However, when there is a problem and you learn how tor recognize it, not just recognize it but anticipate it, you can prepare to head it off and keep it from becoming an issue already.
Now, your ex kissed you and then she ditched you. There are three things this might mean.
- She likes you, but isn’t sure so she is buying time to decide. If this is the case, ExGirlfriend Recovery Pro is where you should start.
- She is mad at you or thinks you played games with her and it’s her way of getting back at you. Again, Exgirlfriend Recvory Pro is where to start with an extended No Contact. This allows you to begome someone worthy of her forgiveness.
- She likes you, but she has other options. There is never only one man interested in a woman. Again… ExGirlfriend Recovery with a short No Contact Period is where you should start. It allows you to take some time away from her and peak her interest, but not so long that she replaces you. However, you must be willing to improve yourself during No Contact so you can stack up against her other suitors.
It’s as simple as that. People will play games with you all of your life. You have the option to give in and let them. Or, you can rise above the games and earn their respect. Using No Contact to better your situation is an excellent way to do this and better your position on the playing field. But it also helps build character and allows you to realize that instead of fighting each other, you should be building a relationship, a partnership if you will. So, instead of acting rashly, you should take a step back and get her drop the games and respect you bay firstly giving her respect. ExRecvoery allows for that while also equipping you with everything you need to even the playing field.