What are you to do if your ex is spreading vile and vicious lies or rumors about you?
Perhaps the two of you just broke up and she (or he) is really upset about it all.
Maybe the rumor mill that got started was innocent enough. But then over time, it got out of hand.
Or perhaps, it was your ex’s intent all along to make you squirm with embarrassment or anger.
Whatever it is that got your ex wound up and motivated to start telling other people untruthful things about you and the relationship, it certainly can’t help with mending the fence.
Heck, at this stage, you may have little interest in getting back with them.
To make matters worse, your ex may care little about the fallout.
Sometimes an ex’s anger can motivate them to do and say terrible things.
So let me help you with dealing with all this because I know it can be really tough when the person you love (or use to love) is now tearing you apart.
We are going to look at different situations that might be occurring with your ex, post breakup.
Then we will dissect each situation and offer you some advice on how to handle things.
Because if you don’t have a Game Plan on how to handle the false accusations or made up stories, you are likely to make some serious mistakes along the way.
Scenario A: You Still Want To Get Back With Your Ex
Situation 1: Your Ex is Still Angry and Wants Revenge
A breakup can bring out the worst that is in us and sometimes that means your ex boyfriend (or girlfriend) is not ready to forgive you.
Anger can make us do and say horrible things. It one thing to know and understand this, but it’s entirely a different matter when it comes to learning how to ignore it. But if you want your ex back, the worst thing you can do is escalate the situation.
Trying to get back at them or responding in an accusatory way will usually just make things worse, even causing our ex to ramp up their activities.
While it may be hard for you to see this now, what is usually the best strategy to employ in a situation like this is just allow your ex some time and space. Eventually, cooler minds will prevail.
Now I do have an exception to my advice above.
If you Ex is spreading vile, wicked, or horrible things about you that are completely false and call into question your behavior and reputation, it is sometimes appropriate to respond, informing your ex to please cease spreading such blatant, painful lies.
If they fail to do so, you can give them fair warning that you may need to contact the appropriate authorities. That should put some “scare” into them.
Situation 2: Your Ex Girlfriend or Ex boyfriend May Be Trying To Get Noticed
Sometimes, the ugly words that are said following a breakup is your ex’s way of exercising the emotional pain she or he is enduring.
But there are other times in which your ex is simply trying to get your attention. I know it sounds like an awful way for your ex to resolve their personal issues, but sometimes people will cry out using exaggerated or false claims in order to be heard. They hope you will respond.
After all, one of the most difficult parts of a breakup is the sudden cut off from the person you love. If your ex is feeling vulnerable and alone, then they may say and do things to get noticed, hoping you will come a calling.
Situation 3: You Were Misinformed or Misled By Others
There are some occasions in which you may end up chasing after a false rumor.
There are usually multiple stakeholders involved in breakup.
And any one of these individuals can say something that is not entirely accurate. There could a misunderstanding or for whatever reason, someone may have made up something, attributing it to your ex.
So before you conclude that your ex is out there trashing you, take a step back and make sure you have all of the facts.
Rumors are like wild fires.
They can spread and gain momentum and with each telling, people can add on to the fabrication, making it sound fantastical and unbelievable.
Meanwhile, you are hearing all this stuff and getting more and more upset.
Unfortunately, there are those in society that thrive on making up half lies and spreading rumors about something that may effect them only peripherally.
So give your ex the benefit of the doubt until such time you have ample evidence that he or she is source of the lies.
Scenario B: You Don’t Want Your Ex Back – You Want Them To Stop Spreading Lies
Situation 1: He or She Just Won’t Stop Telling Everybody About the Breakup
So what should you do if you discover that your ex just won’t stop telling everyone something that is very untrue?
Whatever their motive, it can be disconcerting if lies keep coming forward. Clearly, if this is happening, your ex has an ax to grind.
As I mentioned earlier, you stand to make things a lot worse if you respond in kind. So it usually is best to take the high road and ignore the petty, untrue lies. These things usually run their course.
Too often I have seen anger rising on both sides as each tries to out do the other, trading insult with insult, lie with lie.
Taking that course of action is a fool’s game.
It is almost always better to bite your tongue, hold your composure and let them unwind. Getting into a He said – She said type of dialogue usually gets you nowhere. In fact the more you try to stop them or argue with them, the more incentive they will be to double down.
If others ask you about the veracity of what was said, you certainly can correct the record.
But don’t dwell on it.
And be careful what you say to others about your ex. Even if you think they are on your side. Your words can be shifted and used against you and before you know it, you have unintentionally set off another round of back and forth.
Situation 2: Your Ex Has Been Warned To Stop Lying – But The Bad Rumors Continue
So let’s say you have had enough of the lies and reached out to your ex to tell them to stop. But to your disappointment, instead of stopping, your ex dug in deeper.
What can you do?
Indeed, this can be a tough situation. But bear in mind, sometimes the worst version of your ex will emerge in those early days following the breakup, but eventually this behavior will give in to an easing and acceptance of the situation at hand.
People effected by a breakup will go through a range of emotions. Though often won’t find the acceptance and moving on phases until they travel through the denial and anger phases.
Eventually, you will no longer be the center of attention in your ex’s mind.
If this is not the case and your ex is obsessed and just won’t stop saying untruthful things about you and if it is causing real harm to your reputation, you have alternatives.
I have already described some of your options up above.
Warning that there could be serious repercussions if they persist in saying irresponsible things about you is one approach.
Utilizing a go between to help bring things down a notch is another option.
Bear in mind, each situation requires it’s own action plan. So one person’s solution, may not get the same results for you.
Situation 3: You Ex Denies They Are Doing Anything Wrong
Sometimes your ex is unrealistic or even dishonest with themselves.
They may carry with them a delusion that they are not doing anything wrong.
They may insist they are truth talkers and may feel embolden to carry on.
It could be that your ex is truly confused about the facts and perhaps there is an opportunity to reveal to them more information that will hopefully allow your ex to see things in a different light.
You can carry this torch or utilize a friend to help your ex understand the dynamics of what really went down.
But as with all facts, things can get blurry.
Truth is often more complicated than people realize.
And unfortunately, some ex lovers will cling to certain beliefs, irrespective of what you say.
The way of handling this is similar to some of the strategies I discussed above.
It is normally best not to get into a debate about whose version of the facts are right.
During the post breakup period, no one is really seeing everything clearly. So trying to defend your case will often just cause your ex to automatically take the other side.
Hence, these matters can turn into a endless cycle.
Sometimes you have to agree to disagree and move on.