It is painful when your girlfriend of many years decides it’s time to end things. Whether it happens suddenly and unexpectedly or is the kind of breakup that has been brewing for sometime, it still hurts badly when it finally happens.
So why does a long term girlfriend decide out of the blue to break up?
Well, as you would expect, there is no one explanation. Indeed, when this kind of thing happens, it is often the product of many things that occur over time. And what may appear to be something that happens suddenly is more often than not been in her mind for some time.
But before we get into all the particulars of what you might want to do about all of this, let’s explore some of the leading causes of relationships that end prematurely despite all of the time both parties have invested in it.
You see, if you know what drives the separation, then you will be better equipped to do something about it.
Now let me say this before we get started…
While this is not an exhaustive list, it is comprehensive. Read through it and see if you can find the situation that mostly matches up with your circumstance. Then apply some of the Action Planning Tips I provide to try and right the ship.
And no matter which one applies to you remember one thing! If your girlfriend of forever ends things, do not fall into the trap of begging and clinging. It is always a big turn off and will only serve to set you further back.
So let’s get started with understanding why your girlfriend called it quits after such a long time.
Why Did My Long Term Ex Girlfriend End Things With Me?
In reality, there are several reasons why your ex may want to end things. And often, it is not one reason that causes her to finally decide this “thing” between the two of you isn’t working out, however long it has been.
Sure, knowing each other for all these years can make it all the harder to part. But if the problem or circumstance grows large enough in her mind, it might be enough to pry her away from you. So let’s explore the top 8 reasons that can contribute to your ex girlfriend deciding she has had enough despite all the time you were with each other.
1. The Relationship Ended Because it Grew Stale From Her Perspective
Sometimes it just isn’t working out because your ex girlfriend thinks that there is not enough zip or excitement to make the relationship more interesting to her. In her mind, she may rationalize her decision by insisting to herself that its just got to boring.
Now this may sound like a rather immature and selfish reason to break things off after such a long run (and it really is), but your ex, rightly or wrongly, may think it’s important enough to justify her decision making.
- Give her some time to cope with her feelings and apply my Ex Recovery Program and if you end up back together, come up with a joint plan you both agree on that can bring more fun and excitement and less dull times.
- Check out my Workbook on Relationship Fitness as it is full of ideas on how you can accomplish this!
2. Your Girlfriend Got Tired of the Negativity That Gripped The Relationship
Another cause for her pulling away from you is if the relationship is marked by a lot of negativity. If she comes to believe that things are doomed because of the constant bickering and fussing, then irrespective of how long the two of your were a couple, she may decide its time to pull out.
The constant drumbeat of negative interactions can take its toll over time.
- It is said that kindness is the glue that holds relationships together. So you will both benefit from taking some time away from each other. When it’s time to reconnect, commit yourself to treating your girlfriend with equal parts of kindness and consideration.
- It’s the little things that you do to show her that you care which makes a difference. It cannot be a one deal kind of thing. You both have to be committed to this new path of how you will interact with each other. Do something symbolic that resonates in a dramatic way. Draw up a new oath of conduct and read it to each other.
3. What You Thought Was a Steady Relationship Was Actually a Rocky and Painful Journey For Your Ex
Sometimes you and your ex are on two different sheets of music. You may have thought things are rocking along just fine. While your girlfriend may have thought it was all pain and misery. This usually happens when communication is poor or if the personal power that resides within the relationship is unbalanced.
- Once again, you will benefit if you get up to speed on a program such as Ex Girlfriend Recovery which helps you with not only eventually reconnecting with your ex girlfriend but doing all the right things thereafter. Chances are that this breakup has been a wake up call for you. It’s time for more balance and a better awareness of your partner’s feelings.
4. Your Girlfriend Found Someone New
This is a very painful way for your long relationship long journey to come to an end. Unfortunately it happens, but it need not be the end of all things. The grass is greener syndrome can come into play. But usually it is something more than that. Usually your relationship with your girlfriend has suffered in some way. Something is missing. She may not be feeling fulfilled. But if the love is pure, time is usually your salvation.
- When your girlfriend has left you for someone else it’s usually best to employ a long period of No Contact. I have written an entire book on how the No Contact Rule works I recommend you pick up a copy!
5. Despite Your Years Together, There Was a Relationship Deal Breaker That Got in the Way
While you may have been committed to each other for a long time, sometimes your girlfriend will call it quits if there is something very important to her that is not being realized. An example of a relationship deal breaker would be something like she wants to get married, but you don’t. Or she wants to plan for a family, but you are reluctant. A serious break in your long term relationship can also come about if there is a major disagreement or conflict about living arrangements, money, or personal vices such as drug use, etc.
- Whatever is the impediment that is preventing you both from being a happy couple needs to be removed. It may not be so easy if its something you both disagree about. Sometimes, just talking about it and listening and opening yourself up to your partner’s view can bring you closer together. So instead of digging in and becoming argumentative, try finding common ground and try something new.
6. Your Steady Girlfriend In Actuality Is Not Committed To Investing More To the Relationship
Even though you both had a long run, it is possible that over this time your girlfriend decided you are not the one for her. Now about half of the time when a girl comes to believe this, she will later realize she came to this view prematurely. This is particularly the case if the two of you have spent a lot of time with each other. Possibly she is a commitment phobe or has some unjustified anxiety about attachment.
- Often you will not be able to change her view by trying to “talk sense” to her. It may be obvious to you that you are a good couple together and that she is throwing away all of the hard work you both put into the relationship. But sometimes it’s better to just stand clear and let her have her “alone” time. This is one of the benefits of employing the No Contact Period which I talked about earlier in this article.
7. She Is Experiencing a Momentary Panic Brought On By Something She Read or Was Told
Let’s hope your ex girlfriend is not one of those that panic or get impulsive about things to the extent that she self destructs and ends a perfectly strong and beneficial relationship. But guess what? It happens all of the time and this could be happening in your case.
- The good news is if she ended things abruptly for all the wrong reasons, she may eventually realize it serves her to get back together for all the right reasons. This is what often happens when the panic or impulsive phase passes by. Your job is to give her time for it to pass and not to make things worse. I realize this can be difficult because the very act of your girlfriend breaking up with you after all this time can be maddening. You may be filled with anger and resentment. But your job is to rise above those feelings and see the big picture. Namely, she is simply freaking out and common sense will prevail in time.
8. You Girlfriend May Have Felt Pressured to Get Into the Relationship and is Now Ready to Withdraw
Perhaps the two of you have been an item for quite some time but if the relationship was built on you pushing hard to keep it together, while she has been waffling along the way, then don’t be surprised if it all comes tumbling down.
To often there is an unequal distribution of personal power within the the relationship. In theory, you both should have equal say about things. But if you are doing all the talking and pushing to have things your way all of the time, then don’t be surprised if it all collapses.
- You would be best served to take a long break from each other so that when you seek to restart the relationship, it’s done on new footing and a new realization of what you did wrong in the past. She will need to be convinced that you really mean what you say and this won’t happen over night. There is probably a lot of pain and resentment that has been built up over all the time you were together. So you will need to give her a lot of time to unwind these negative feelings.