By Chris Seiter

Published on November 18th, 2022

One of the most frequent questions I get from from both men and women is whether they should wish their Ex Happy Birthday.

But it doesn’t stop there.  If you are thinking of sending birthday greetings to your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend, you are also probably wondering if you should wish them Merry Xmas and happy New Year.

In fact there is a whole set of holidays that you and your ex probably spent together and now you are wondering if you should send them something.  Certainly, their birthday stands as the most supreme of them all.  Perhaps you just want to be nice and show some respect.  Maybe your question of what to do comes from a sense of strategy.  Whatever the case,  I am glad you are posing the question.

So should you avoid sending your ex a Happy Birthday card or a simple text message?

So let me help you with a quick answer to your question.  Then I will go into more detail of exceptions and the reasoning for why you should send them a greeting or not.

The Quick Answer As To Whether You Should Wish Your Ex Girlfriend Happy Birthday

In most cases you should NOT wish your ex Happy Birthday because more and likely you should be in some form of No Contact following the Breakup. The exceptions to this advice would apply to those situations in which you no longer wish to reconcile or in such cases when open communications have resumed.

What About Sending My Ex Holiday Greetings Such as Xmas or New Year’s?

Essentially, the same answer applies in cases in which you are wondering whether you should wish your ex Merry Xmas or Happy New Year.

When it comes down to it, what you need to do is take into account the impact it might have on breaking the no contact rule assuming that you are employing it.  If you violate the rule in order to make an exception for holidays or special occasions, you may find yourself losing what leverage you have been trying to create.

For those of you who are not familiar with the No Contact Rule, I encourage you visit my website and read up on it.  You will learn that it is a central part of most ex recovery plans.

Why Is It Wrong to Tell My Ex Happy Birthday or wish Her Happy Holidays?

I know it seems somewhat rude to not acknowledge your ex’s birthday.  It going to feel a bit painful not to offer your well wishes and you may wonder why making such a small gesture is so bad.

It is not inherently bad to wish your ex girlfriend or boyfriend Happy Birthday.  It might make them feel a little good.  They may even think what a nice and classy thing you did.

Then again, your ex might feel resentful that you reached out to her on her birthday.  This would be particularly the case if you are the one who initiated the breakup.  Or even if you were not the one that dumped her, she may still have negative and unresolved emotions about the whole relationship and receiving communications from you could trigger some negative feelings.

She may not be ready to resume the ways things used to be. So you are going to have to exercise some self control.

Everything in your core may be screaming to just mail her a simple card or text something about her birthday.  But you could be sabotaging your ex recovery plan if you resume the things that you use to do as a normal course of action.

The reality is that things are not normal and you won’t win back your ex’s affections by sending her cards or reminders of certain special days.

Now you might think, “what if my ex-girlfriend is crushed because I did not acknowledge her birthday or a special anniversary date of when you both met”? 

And yes, I can’t deny that your ex may feel gloomy for a brief period of time because she didn’t get the normal attention she used to receive when the two of you were together.

But when you look at the bigger strategy you are trying to employ and take into consideration the good, bad, and ugly of sending your ex well wishes for whatever; you are more often better off by sticking to my advice.

When Is It OK To Send Your Ex Girlfriend a Birthday or Holiday Card?

As with all situations, one has to weigh the specifics of their personal situation.

If you and your ex have called it quits for good, but you care  and want to show that you are still a stand up guy, then yes, it is fine to wish her happy birthday or send her a holiday card.

Another scenario would be a case where the two of you are back on talking terms, then most definitely you want to send her something.  But I think in this situation it should be more than a simple card.  If you are actively trying to rebuild the relationship then it behooves you to show her that you care for her on a deep level.  In fact, if she agrees to open up communications and the two of you are trying to patch things up, then think about sending her both a card and perhaps flowers or a nice gift.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Now on the other-hand, you don’t want to over do it.  If the two of you are getting along, but you still have some work to do, it would not be in your best interest to go way overboard and get her something that breaks the bank.  You don’t want your ex getting the notion that you are desperate and are willing to do almost anything to win back her affections.

Don’t forget, getting back with your ex-girlfriend is not going to happen overnight or through one big act.  Rather, winning her back will be the outcome of a series of steps and interactions, slowly building to stronger trust.	

Related Articles