By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 9th, 2022

Have you ever looked up the official definition for hate before?

(For those of you who just opened another browser window up or pulled out your phone don’t bother because I have the definition below.)

Hate- A feeling of intense or passionate dislike for someone or something.

When an ex girlfriend tells a man,

“I hate you”

That man probably freaks out and thinks it’s the end of the world. The truth is that it’s not. In fact, it may be the opposite but more on that later. Right now what I would like to do is give you a quick little education of hate and your ex girlfriend.

Oh, how rude of me…

I haven’t even introduced myself yet have I?

(Those of you who know me you can skip ahead to the first “hate” section.)

Who I Am And Why You Absolutely Need To Listen To What I Say

My name is Chris Seiter and I am unlike anyone you have ever met.

Women want me…

Jennifer Chris W-138 copy

Men want to be me…


Ok, all kidding aside I am a relationship consultant with a horrible sense of humor (I apologize.)

For those of you wondering about the woman in the “women want me” picture that is actually my wife so let’s keep that I said that on the down low because I am pretty sure she could beat me up like batman if she ever read that.

Anyways, the thing you have to understand about me is that I take what I do very seriously and my number one priority is to help you get your ex girlfriend back.

With me you aren’t going to get some unintelligible 1,000 word article that gives you generic dating advice like be confident, win back her trust or improve yourself. Instead, you are going to get very long in depth explanations for everything I talk about here. Oh, and when I do give you generic dative advice (like the examples I gave above) will give you a very long explanation for how to do those things.

I guess the point that I am trying to make here is that you won’t find anyone who is going to go as far as I will for you.

Not to toot my own horn here (though that’s what I am about to do) but you probably won’t be able to find another website as helpful as this one and if you do I will probably own it :p .

Of course, you don’t care about any of that do you?

What you probably want to know is how I can help you.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Well, believe it or not but I am one of the most successful relationship repair consultants on the web today.

I have a proven track record of success (just take a look at a few of the comments throughout this site for my references.)

Oh, and lets not forget that I have created a best selling, get your ex girlfriend back book called, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.

As a result of all of my efforts I have worked with over 300 clients (men trying to get their ex girlfriends back.)

Not too shabby huh?

Pshh… that’s not even the best part.

On my other website, the sister site to this one, Ex Boyfriend Recovery in which I help women get back with their ex boyfriends I have worked with over 3,000 clients.

Screen Shot 2015-04-20 at 10.09.34 AM

I guess the point I am trying to make here is that I know what I am talking about.

Of course, I don’t want you to listen to me. Let me prove myself to you.

We can start by talking a little about hate.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Hate And Your Ex Girlfriend


You are here because something happened between your ex girlfriend and you.

Oh, and it’s not that she hates you (even though she may.)

No, the two of you went through a breakup.

When a breakup occurs it is one of the most emotional things a human being can go through. In fact, some have even gone as far as comparing it to death. I guess the point I am trying to make here is that going through a breakup brings out some very intense feelings.

Hmm… intense feelings.

I swear I have heard that before.

But where?

Oh, I know!

Look at the definition of hate.

Hate- A feeling of intense or passionate dislike for someone or something.

Breakups tend to bring out the worst in people and your ex girlfriend is probably no different.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

It is entirely plausible that the breakup that the two of you went through in and of itself is enough to make her hate you. Of course, that’s where we get into the fun stuff like what caused the breakup.


Ok, lets pretend that you lied, cheated on and stole from your ex girlfriend.

Well, these three actions,

  1. Lying
  2. Cheating
  3. Stealing

Are enough to make anyone hate you (not just your ex.)

However, just because your ex girlfriend hates you now doesn’t mean she is going to hate you forever.

Look at the definition for hate.

Nowhere in that definition does it say that hate lasts forever.

In fact, I can honestly say that anyone I have personally said, “I hate you” to in the past I don’t hate anymore.

Think of it like paying taxes.

Paying taxes definitely constitutes as an intense and passionate dislike for something.

When you pay taxes you definitely think to yourself,

“I hate this…”

However, six months down the road you really don’t think much about it anymore. You don’t hate it anymore. It’s not on your mind so much.

The same principle applies here.

Just because your ex girlfriend may hate you now that hate isn’t going to last forever (depending on what you did.)

She Said She Hates Me – Do I Even Have a Chance?

getting past her freak out period

I know the feeling you get when your ex girlfriend whats to chew you up and spit you out.

It is like a stampede of bulls are coming at you and they want to trample you down not just once or twice, but over and over again.  That is the strength of those hateful feelings that are emerging from your ex girlfriend.

Now think about this, she is your ex girlfriend for some reason, right?  Is it possible you so angered her, causing all these ugly passionate feelings to rise up in her.

Yeah,  I bet you did something.  Us guys, we can screw it up sometimes with the women.  What is really frustrating though is when you royally piss of your ex and you are not even sure what the hell you did.  Yep, that happens too.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

But once she is cocked and loaded with anger and hate, look out.

It is like you are a leper and she wants nothing to do with you, despite what you say or try.

Such is the unbridled fury and hate fest that can rise up when your girlfriend is out for your scalp.

Now if you are lucky and are hooked up with one of the passive aggressive type, you may not be getting lambasted.  But the subtle hatred can come through in other more devious ways.

So you could lie around all day saying to yourself, she hates, she hates me not, feeling bad and sorry for yourself or you can learn what is really going down and how to deal with it.  Yep, I vote for the latter.

There is reason for why she is behaving this way and putting out all of these unmistakable signs of hateful disdain for you.  You can try to charm your ex if you wish, but it won’t get you anywhere when she is in this state.  It is best to let it run its course, doing as little as possible to add fuel to the fire.  Of course, that can be a little tricky when your ex girlfriend is openly challenging you and saying stuff about you.

I know it sucks to be on the receiving end.  But hey, you don’t want to start trying to dish it out back at her.  That never works and is stupid and cruel.

Just accept sometimes things got to pot.

It’s like you went from being a Prince in her mind, a guy she could barely resist and could not stand to be separated from.  Now you are the lowest of the low.  In your ex girlfriend’s mind, you are now the devil and there is practically nothing you can say or do this minute to change her feelings and attitude about you.

But bear in mind I said “this minute”.

You see, your ex girlfriend’s preoccupation for wishing you would just disappear totally and completely from her life is likely going to be short lived.   These awful things she is thinking and saying usually does not have a long fuse. Such is the fickle nature of love and hate.

So what is really going on with this hate fest.  I mean, really, how can this beautiful sweet creature that you love so much suddenly be transformed into a woman who seems disgusted with you in every way.

No doubt your are plagued with all kinds of questions and worries, not the mention all of the crazy, desperate thoughts that rifle through your mind.

You are probably thinking that if your ex girlfriend truly hates you after the horrible breakup, which you may or may not have precipitated, it must mean she has always been a hateful person, right?

Nope, not really.

All of us, including your girlfriend can simply lose it for a while and burn with so much anger that we are completely taken aback.

You may also be wondering about if there are these signs of your ex girlfriend hating you, could things get any worse.

Well, I kinda got good news.

The fact your ex girlfriend is so pissed at you and is shooting daggers at every opportunity (if you are still lucky enough to be in her company) means she has a lot feelings for you.  It is only when you love and care for someone very much, that you have the capacity to be super angry and act in a hateful way toward them.

That is why they call it crazy in love.  You got to be crazy to be in love because it takes all over the emotional map.

So things are looking better already, right!

Oh, but what if you are like this guy…

Hey Chris, my ex girlfriend hates me and has a new boyfriend and told me to never come around because she is sickened by my presence.  Do I even have a chance.  I still love her?”

Chances are you are probably not in this category. Let’s hope not. This dude is in real trouble, but guess what?  It turned out the old boyfriend story was just that….a made up story she used to get back at him.

Then we have this guy…

Hey, my ex hates me for no reason.  I didn’t do her wrong.  She does this every couple of months.  She starts having all these doubts and talking about stuff that I can’t even follow.  So I blow it all off and she gets pissed because I am not taking her seriously, she says.  What do you do when your girl is an emotional wreck?”

This situation turned out to be a lot easier to manage.

He needed to listen to her.

So listen to her he did, in big way.  I taught him how to listen with empathy and ask questions and then parrot back what she had said.  It made her feel better and things got a whole lot better with them quickly.  They ended having some great sex and guess what this dude ended up doing afterwords.  He took it up a notch after the sex and encouraged her to talk and did a lot of listening and….well, I don’t want to get much more into their sex life, but his girlfriend really appreciates his new found patience.

Now that situation turned out a lot better than what happened to a guy name Ted.  He said, “my ex girlfriend hates me, but I want to be friends and she says no, that she doesn’t see us together again, ever”.

I told him that he really messed up by interjecting the “friend” element into the relationship conversation.

The reason his ex was so upset with him in the first place is because of a really stupid fight.  He wouldn’t say he loved her, but he does really.  It’s just not his way to put his feelings out there in into words.  I am working with him on that.

She broke it off to teach him a lesson.  It hurt him, but now he wants her back and figured if he said “let’s start over and be friends”, she would warm up to him again.  Well, that is not what happened.  She was insulted and hurt that he just wanted to be “friends” and so they are back to quarreling and teetering on the edge.

So as you can see, this whole business with hate and breakups and upset feelings and passionate declarations by an ex girlfriend can get really complicated, fast.

But that is why you have me around!

Now, there are a few more things about ex girlfriends and their capacity to be super upset with you that you need to wrap around your brain.

I want you to think of your efforts of trying to get your angry ex back as coming through the grinder machine.

There is one little wrench I would like to throw into the machine though.

It’s something I like to call the hate scale.  Are you ready for this.  Well, climb on aboard as I am going to take you for a ride!

What Is The Hate Scale?


Ah the hate scale…

Let the hate flow through you.

Am I the only one that finds that meme hilarious?

Anyways, I digress.

The hate scale is a creation I came up just for this article. It is true that you can do certain things to your ex girlfriend during the relationship to make her hate you more than normal.

For example, if you lie to your girlfriend about your whereabouts one night she isn’t going to dislike you as much as if she walked in on you sleeping with her best friend.

I guess the point I am trying to get at here is that not all hate is going to be equal.

So, I would now like to introduce you to the handy dandy HATE SCALLLLEEEEE!!!!!

(Don’t laugh)

hate scale

It’s pretty pathetic I know…

But I think it gets the point across.

Look how mad number 5 looks.

Alright, so the way this scale works is pretty simple. There are five letters with five faces under them. How angry the faces look represent how much hate your ex girlfriend has for you.

Or more specifically, how long it will take your ex girlfriend to get over her hate.

What I am going to do for you now is go down the scale number by number and face by face and explain the outlook for each.

Lets start with one.

A One On The Hate Scale

hate scale

As you can see from the face things aren’t too bad.

In fact, if your ex girlfriend is a one on the hate scale it doesn’t really mean anything. All it really means is that things are good between the two of you.

Heck, a woman who hates you isn’t going to be smiling at you but that face clearly has a smile.

So, you are probably wondering why I even included it on the scale?

It’s very simple. Getting your ex girlfriend to a one on the hate scale is the holy grail of what we are trying to achieve here. After all, you aren’t going to win her back if she is something crazy like a five on the hate scale. However, if she is a one then your job just got a whole lot easier.

Let’s move on.

A Two On The Hate Scale

hate scale copy

Ah, this is where some anger starts to set in.

Look at that face.

It’s not in a rage yet but it is certainly in the beginning stages. If your ex girlfriend is a two on the hate scale it’s pretty much the equivalent of disappointment. For example, if the two of you are talking and she catches you in a lie about something then she is going to be shot up to a two on the hate scale.

Now, I am a glass half full kind of guy so the good news with a two is that it’s very easy to recover from.

Usually a simple apology on your part can do the trick to subside things and bring her back down to a one.

A three on the other hand…

A Three On The Hate Scale

hate scale copy 2

This face clearly looks hurt.

Imagine that you and your ex girlfriend get into a fight.

She says some things…

You say some things…

Neither of you really means them but in the moment you are both looking for something to say to hurt the other person.

You deliver the first punch,

“I never liked your parents. They were crazy.”

She is clearly hurt by this statement since her parents were overly nice to you. So, she gets back at you by promptly telling you,

“You were never good in bed. You didn’t even please me.”

Ding.. Ding.. Ding..

We have a winner.

What she just said to you hurt you on a really deep level.

(Most men are very sensitive about their abilities in the bedroom.)

Well, while you digest her insult you would be a three on the hate scale. You would be angry that she said that to you but hurt at the same time.

Welcome to a three!

Now, this begs the question.

How long will it take a woman to get over a three if she reaches this level?

Well, it could be a few weeks depending on what was said to her and how hurt she is. That’s been my experience.

Let’s move on to a four since that’s when things start to really heat up.

(Pun intended.)

A Four On The Hate Scale

hate scale copy 3

I have been a four on the hate scale with my ex girlfriend before.

I like to call this the yelling face.

You are clearly so angry that you throw logic out the window and start yelling.

I suppose I will let you in on my own personal experience with my ex and being a four on this scale.

I was out at a movie with my family (I am very family oriented so you best not make fun.) Now, when I watch a movie I like to turn my phone off because I have a pet peeve of people answering their phones while I am trying to watch a movie so the last thing that I want to do is annoy the other people in the theater.

That may have been my biggest mistake.

When I got out of the movie I turned my phone on and immediately I was notified that I had gotten a few text messages.

The messages were from my then girlfriend who wanted to tell me that she was out with her friends.

“Ok, cool” I thought to myself.

Then something strange began to happen.

I read a very long message which explained that they as a group would be spending the night at a mutual friends house.

No big deal, right?


Turns out that this mutual friend was a guy who was also having his guy friends sleep over…




I called her up immediately and…

Well, I won’t bore you with any more details. Let’s just say that the two of us got into a heated argument on the phone and yelling was involved.

So, how long will it take for someone to get over the anger they experience with a four on the hate scale?

Well, drawing on my own experience it can sometimes take months…

In the back of my mind I was always worried to death about her running around with some guy.

It took months before I was able to just move on from it.

A Five On The Hate Scale

hate scale copy 4

Ah a five…

How can I put this so you understand how bad a five is?

Imagine that you are out with your friends one day having drinks with them and catching up on sports.

Heck, let’s just say that you are out with them at a sports bar watching the latest sporting event on TV. You are having an amazing time with them but it’s starting to get late.

You tell your boys that you are going to head on home because you have an amazing girlfriend to get home to.

They don’t want to see you go but realize that it is late and that you do have to get home.

So, you get into your car and make your way home.

On the car ride home you think to yourself,

“I can’t wait to see (insert ex girlfriends name).”

Then you have the thought that every man seems to have when he hasn’t had sex in a while.

“Maybe I will get lucky tonight… Hmm… maybe if I come home, light some candles and give her some of my patented dirty talk I will get laid.”

The thought of having an intimate night with your beautiful girlfriend excites you so you try to get home a little sooner. Then an idea pops into your head.

“Yes, I am totally going to do everything in my power to make love to her tonight. I should probably stop for some wine to create the romantic atmosphere that she wants.”

So, you make a quick detour to a wine story to pick up some wine.

“Ok, Done! Now, I can get home.”

You pull into your driveway with wine in hand and you are super pumped to seduce your girlfriend.

You start to pull out your keys to get into your place and you drop them on the ground. All of a sudden you start to hear something…

Is that music?” you think to yourself.

“Awesome, great minds think alike. She is probably behind that door with lit candles, music and lingerie ready for a night of passion.”

The prospect of your girlfriend in lingerie excites you and you quickly open the door.

What you see next will forever scar you for the rest of your life.

Your girlfriend IS in lingerie…

Your girlfriend HAS lit candles…

Your girlfriend HAS put on music…

There’s just one problem.

They are for someone else.

You literally catch her in the act in bed with some other guy. Basically imagine walking in on this,

cheating signs

Pretty horrifying, huh?

That’s a five on the hate scale.

The emotions, anger and hate felt in this moment are a five.

Basically, this involves any type of situations where someone has been caught cheating or physical abuse is involved.

It can sometimes take years to get over a 5 on the hate scale. Oh, and sometimes if the hate action is bad enough people will hold onto a grudge forever.

You want an example of a bad action where everlasting hate ensues?

Ok, imagine that you are married to a woman who is pregnant and you catch her sleeping with someone else WHILE SHE IS PREGNANT…

You are filled with all sorts of doubt about whose kid this is so you are forced to take a paternity test.

If that happened to you, you would probably experience a hate so deep that it would never end.

Luckily for you, these types of situations are extremely rare and almost every other situation you can recover from. In fact, what I would like to do now is talk a little about the most common reasons an ex girlfriend can potentially hate you after a breakup.

The Two Most Common Reasons For Why An Ex Girlfriend Can Hate You After A Breakup

common sense

In this section I am going to briefly discuss the most common reasons for why an ex girlfriend can hate you after a breakup. Oh, and since I went through so much trouble explaining the hate scale above we are going to be using it as a benchmark for the level of hate your ex girlfriend is probably experiencing if this wrong was done to her. However, most importantly it will allow you to pinpoint exactly how long it will take for your ex girlfriend to get over the “wrong.”

In addition to explaining the common reasons for hate I am also going to explain how to overcome them. After all, this is a guide teaching you how to get your ex girlfriend back if she hates you.

Let’s get started.

Cheating (A Five On The Hate Scale)

cheating level

This is the most obvious reason in my humble opinion.

I am normally not into things like this but I was surfing around YouTube about a year ago and I stumbled across a video entitled,

“Understanding Infidelity”

Now, seeing as how I am a relationship consultant who is always on the lookout for new knowledge to absorb I figured the video would be educational for me so I ended up watching it.

(I looked all over for the video to post here but it must have been taken down 🙁 .)

Anyways, the video basically had this really old guy (which made me question his credibility) explaining how cheating is the number one epidemic that kills relationships. Now, thinking I was hot sh*t I shrugged my shoulders and thought to myself,

“Heard it before… What else you got?”

Then he brought a woman on stage who told a story about cheating so horrifying that I still think about it today.

You want to hear the story?

Of course you do. I set it up perfectly.

Ok, so this woman comes up on stage and starts telling a story of how much she loved her boyfriend. She talked about how being with him was like being in a world made completely of rainbows, butterflies and lollipops.

It seemed like he loved her too from what she said.

He was always there for her emotionally and met her every need. I guess the point she was trying to make is that she had never been so satisfied in a relationship.

And then it happened…

He left his phone out one day.

So, she did what pretty much every woman does in that situation.

She picked it up and scrolled through the text messages.

She was greeted with something that looked like this,


The woman was horrified at what she had just stumbled across.

Her man was cheating on her…

It felt worse than a punch in the gut.

She started hyperventilating and pretty much had a full on panic attack on the spot.

Once the panic attack had concluded she was filled with a rage that even scared the devil himself.

What followed was pretty generic.

He came into the room…

She confronted him about the message…

He made up a lie…

She confronted him further…

He admitted to the cheating…

She threw his clothes on the lawn…

All in all, pretty basic stuff.

But that wasn’t the scariest part of the story. The scariest part of the story is what happened to her emotionally after the cheating. You see, this woman was under the impression that she made her boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) happier than anyone in the world.

The fact that he was cheating on her proved that, that wasn’t exactly true.

All of a sudden she was filled with some very scary thoughts.

“Maybe I’m not good enough..”

“Maybe I’m destined to be alone forever…”

“No man can ever stay faithful to me…”

Oh, maybe I should mention that she had a dating history of men cheating on her.

So, somewhere in her mind she had a very disturbing thought.

“Maybe there is a way I can end the pain forever?”

Look, I am not good about beating around the bush so I am just going to come out and be honest about this.

This woman decided that the only way for her to stop feeling bad was to end her life…

So, she tried overdosing on pills.

Luckily, she was unsuccessful and was saved.

The reason that she told the story is to further explain the affect that cheating can have on a human being.

So, when I say that cheating is a five on the hate scale you better believe it.

Of course, understanding why cheating is a five is one thing. Figuring out how to overcome the five is another.

How To Overcome The Hate Of Cheating

I will try to keep this as brief as possible since there is a lot of hate to dish out other than cheating.

I don’t want to mislead you but a five on the hate scale can take years for someone to get over. If you cheated on your ex girlfriend then I assure you that you have a lot of work cut out for you.

Luckily for you I have put together a very in-depth guide on how to overcome cheating (if YOU cheated on your ex girlfriend here.)

Then of course for those of you who want a more comprehensive game plan for overcoming cheating I recommend that you check out my book, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.

A Really Horrible Lie (A Four On The Hate Scale)


I just want to start off by saying that a four on the hate scale can sometimes take months for a woman to get over.

So, you may be a little alarmed that a lie can potentially rate as a four.

Please don’t misunderstand me here.

When I talk about a lie I am not talking about the simple lies we tell every day like,

“Do I look fat in this?”

“Why no honey”

(Even though she does.)

I am talking about the kind of deception that is so horrible that a woman will feel violated after she finds out the truth.

Ok, lets pretend that I was dating your ex girlfriend. Now, before you start charging me with a pitchfork you should give your ex a chance to because I am about to lie to her.

Lets say that during the “get to know you” phase I tell her that I am completely single and have no children.

She hears this and gets very excited because she has strong hopes that she will meet a man, get married and have a family…

HER OWN FAMILY (not someone else’s.)

Here’s the truth though, I am not single. In fact, I am married. I also have two children with this woman.

After dating your ex girlfriend for a year I finally decide to come clean to her and tell her that I told her a massive lie, that I was single without children, when in fact I am married with children.

After hearing this your ex girlfriend becomes filled with an anger so deep that it’s hard to put into words…

This would be a four on the hate scale.

Final Thoughts

Before we say our good byes, let me encourage you to drop us a line below.  Just go on down to the comment section and weigh in.  We might be able to offer you some advice and we like to hear what is going with our visitors.	

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