By Chris Seiter

Published on December 11th, 2023

It can be quite jarring and emotionally complex to see your ex-partner dating someone who bears a striking resemblance to you. This scenario can trigger a range of questions and feelings. Understanding why this happens and how to navigate your emotions is crucial in moving forward.

So if you are looking for a fast answer, let me oblige:

When your ex starts dating someone resembling you, it could reflect their lingering attachment or simply be a coincidence. It’s important to focus on your own life, acknowledge any feelings this stirs up, and continue moving forward, rather than dwelling on their choices and the implications.

But as you probably know, there are no short answers to unusual relationship circumstances. You deserve a fuller explanation.

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What To Do When Your Ex Starts Dating Someone That Looks Like You?

Reasons Why This Happens

  1. Type and Preference: Sometimes, it’s as simple as having a ‘type.’ People often have specific physical attributes they are attracted to, and your ex dating someone who looks like you might just be a reflection of their consistent preferences.
  2. Familiarity and Comfort: After a breakup, your ex might find comfort in familiarity. Dating someone who reminds them of you could be a subconscious way of clinging to the aspects of the relationship they miss.
  3. Unresolved Feelings: In some cases, this could indicate unresolved feelings. They might be trying to recreate the past relationship with you by dating someone similar in appearance, perhaps in an attempt to capture what was lost.
  4. Coincidence: It’s also possible that it’s purely coincidental. The resemblance might be superficial or not as significant to your ex as it appears to you.
  5. Projection and Replacement: Your ex might be projecting the qualities they appreciated in you onto someone new. This ‘replacement’ can sometimes be a way for them to move on without fully addressing the loss.

What Should You Do If Your Ex Girlfriend Is Seeing Someone That Looks Like You?

When your ex starts dating someone who looks like you, it can stir a mix of emotions and thoughts. If you wish to re-attract your ex you need a comprehensive Game Plan.

Take a look at our Ex Recovery Program.  Perhaps tap into our coaching services.  For starters, here are some of the things you should implement.

Processing Your Emotions

  1. Identifying Your Feelings: Take time to identify what you’re feeling – is it jealousy, hurt, or perhaps confusion? Naming your emotions can help in understanding and processing them more effectively.
  2. Expressing Emotions: Find healthy outlets to express these emotions. This could be through journaling, art, or physical activity. Expressing what you feel is a therapeutic step in dealing with emotional upheaval.
  3. Avoid Suppressing Feelings: Don’t try to suppress or ignore your emotions. Acknowledging them is essential for moving past them. Seeing that your former partner is hanging with someone who looks almost identical to you will likely cause a stir within you.  It’s OK to let it out, but do so in a positive, constructive way.

Focusing on Yourself

  1. Personal Development: Use this time to focus on your personal goals and interests. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself and contribute to your growth.
  2. Self-Care Practices: Prioritize self-care. This includes not only physical care but also mental and emotional well-being. Practice mindfulness, meditation, or yoga to help center your thoughts.
  3. Rediscovering Yourself: Often in relationships, we compromise or change aspects of ourselves. Now is the time to rediscover who you are outside of that relationship.

Avoiding Overthinking

  1. Rationalizing Thoughts: When you find yourself overthinking, try to rationalize your thoughts. Remind yourself that their actions are not a reflection of your worth or desirability. The more you dwell on your ex girlfriend dating your look alike, the worse you will feel.
  2. Staying Present: Focus on the present moment. Engaging in mindfulness exercises can help keep your mind from wandering into overthinking.

Respecting Their Choices

  1. Acceptance: Accept that your ex’s choices are beyond your control. This acceptance is crucial for moving on.
  2. Emotional Detachment: Working towards emotional detachment can be challenging but necessary. Remember, their decision to date someone else, regardless of the resemblance, is about their needs and not about you.

Avoiding Comparison

  1. Self-Worth: Remind yourself of your unique qualities. Comparing yourself to their new partner is unfair to you and unproductive. Remember, this is no one like you and your ex will be hard pressed to find anyone that checks off all the things that make you special to her or him.
  2. Positive Affirmations: Use positive affirmations to reinforce your self-esteem. Focus on your strengths and achievements.

Seeking Support

  1. Talking to Friends and Family: Sometimes, just talking about what you’re going through can be incredibly relieving. Reach out to friends or family members you trust.
  2. Professional Help: If your emotions are overwhelming, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore your feelings and offer strategies to cope.

What Not to Do When Your Ex Is Seeing Someone Who Resembles You

  1. Don’t Stalk Social Media: Constantly checking your ex’s or their new partner’s social media can become an unhealthy obsession and hinder your healing process.
  2. Avoid Confrontation: Confronting your ex or their new partner about the resemblance can be invasive and counterproductive.
  3. Don’t Jump to Conclusions: Resist the urge to make assumptions about their reasons for dating someone similar to you. Such conclusions can lead to unnecessary emotional turmoil.
  4. Don’t Rush into a Rebound: Jumping into a new relationship just to cope with these feelings can be unfair to both you and the new person involved.
  5. Avoid Badmouthing: Speaking negatively about your ex or their new partner can reflect poorly on you and exacerbate your emotional distress.

How Often Does This Happen and Its Impact on Getting Your Ex Back

Dating someone who looks like an ex is not an uncommon phenomenon, but it’s not always indicative of a pattern or a deeper psychological issue. The reasons can vary greatly from one individual to another.

The phenomenon of an ex-partner dating someone who looks strikingly similar to you might feel like a bizarre twist of fate, but it’s not as uncommon as you might think. While there aren’t specific statistics on how frequently this occurs, understanding the psychology behind attraction can shed some light on this situation.

Humans are creatures of habit and comfort, and this extends into the realm of romantic relationships. People often have a specific “type” they are attracted to, which can include physical attributes. This preference can be influenced by a variety of factors, including familiarity, cultural norms, and personal experiences. Therefore, if your ex starts dating someone who looks like you, it might simply be because you fit the physical type they are naturally drawn to.

Another aspect to consider is the psychology of familiarity. We are generally drawn to what feels familiar because it feels safe and comfortable. After a breakup, as people navigate the complex waters of the dating world, they might subconsciously seek comfort in familiarity. Dating someone who resembles an ex can be an unconscious attempt to recapture the comfort and affection associated with a past relationship.

It’s also worth noting that sometimes these resemblances might be exaggerated in our perception. The emotional aftermath of a breakup can heighten sensitivities, leading you to notice and place significance on similarities that might be superficial or coincidental.

In the grand scheme of things, while it can be disconcerting to see your ex with someone who looks like you, it’s a situation that speaks more about their preferences and psychological tendencies than anything else. It’s a reminder that while relationships can end, the traits and qualities we find attractive often remain consistent.

In conclusion, while there are no concrete numbers on how often exes date lookalikes, it’s a familiar enough scenario shaped by human psychology and the natural inclination towards familiarity and comfort in relationships.

In terms of the impact this has on your chances of getting your ex back, it largely depends on the reasons behind their choice and the nature of your past relationship.

If they’re seeking comfort in familiarity, it might suggest unresolved feelings. However, if it’s merely about physical preference or coincidence, it likely has little to do with their feelings towards you.


Seeing your ex with someone who looks like you can be unsettling, but it’s important to remember that this is just one aspect of their moving-on process and not a reflection on you. Focusing on your personal journey and emotional health is key.

Just because your ex has gone out and found someone that looks like you doesn’t mean you are doomed.  In many of these cases, her actions will cause her to realize that there is no real way to replace all of your good qualities and attributes.

Whether or not this increases your chances of getting back together, it’s crucial to consider if rekindling the relationship is genuinely in your best interest or if it’s time to fully move on.

The Expert’s Corner: 11 FAQs on Dealing with Your Ex Dating Someone Who Looks Like You

  1. Why would my ex choose to date someone who looks like me?
    • This could be due to their preference type, finding comfort in familiarity, or merely a coincidence. It’s important to remember that this likely says more about them and their preferences than about you.
  2. Is it normal to feel upset about my ex dating someone who resembles me?
    • Yes, feeling upset is a natural reaction. It can bring up a mix of emotions like jealousy, confusion, or hurt, which are all valid feelings in this situation.
  3. How can I stop obsessing over the fact that my ex’s new partner looks like me?
    • Focus on activities that keep you grounded in the present. Mindfulness and engaging in hobbies or spending time with friends can help shift your focus away from your ex.
  4. Should I talk to my ex about their new partner’s resemblance to me?
    • It’s generally best to avoid this topic with your ex. This conversation might not provide the closure or answers you’re seeking and could reopen emotional wounds.
  5. Could this mean my ex is still not over me?
    • Not necessarily. While it’s a possibility, it’s just as likely that the resemblance is coincidental or based on their physical preferences.
  6. How do I deal with mutual friends commenting on the resemblance?
    • If mutual friends bring it up, you can acknowledge the observation without delving deep into it. You can also politely request to change the subject if it makes you uncomfortable.
  7. What if seeing my ex with someone like me is impacting my self-esteem?
    • If it’s impacting your self-esteem, it may be helpful to speak with a counselor. Focusing on your positive qualities and achievements can also reinforce your self-worth.
  8. Does this affect my chances of getting back with my ex?
    • The resemblance of their new partner to you doesn’t necessarily impact your chances of reconciliation. The decision to get back together depends on more significant factors related to the dynamics of your past relationship.
  9. How should I interpret my ex’s action from a psychological perspective?
    • Psychologically, this might indicate your ex’s preference for familiarity or an unconscious attempt to replace what they’ve lost. However, such interpretations can vary greatly and might not apply to every situation.
  10. Can I use this situation as a way to move on?
    • Yes, this can be an opportunity to focus on moving forward. It’s a clear indication that the past relationship is over, and it can motivate you to focus on your future happiness.
  11. Is there a point where I should seek professional help to deal with these feelings?
    • If your feelings about this situation are overwhelming or hindering your daily life, it might be beneficial to seek professional help. A therapist can provide support and strategies to cope with these emotions.	

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