Breakups are hard enough. The anger and confusion that is triggered is challenging enough, never mind the unrelenting pain of dealing with shock, disappointment, and all the other emotions that are not far behind.
But how do you deal with an ex who is acting in such an emotionally immature and childish way, that you are unsure how to get him or her back or if you should even try.
What Are The Signs of An Ex Who Is Acting Immature About the Breakup?
Based on my experience in this field, I would say there are 5 key Signs to look for when trying to ascertain if your ex fits a pattern that brings into question their maturity level.
As to what you should do about it is something I will get into a little later. But let’s make sure we are all on the same page. The fact is that an immature ex is not necessarily a person who always acts childish.
But certain things can happen that causes that person to react to you in an emotionally charged or childish way.
It is not always pretty when it happens. And sometimes you can chalk it up as a cry for help or a desperate reaction. A little later, I will have more to say about that too.
Just know that if you are dealing with an ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend who is acting out and dealing with the breakup in the worst ways you could ever conjure up, it will be easier to deal with if you understood some of the underlying reasons.
Indeed, I have created an Ex Recovery Program that gets into all this which you can learn about HERE.
But before we get into that, let’s list out some examples of what it looks like when your ex takes the wrong turn and begins acting immaturely.
Sign 1: Your Ex Starts Throwing a Fit Insisting You Are Wrong To Breakup With Him or Her
No matter how hard you might try to soften the blow of a breakup or deal with it in a mutually mature way, your best efforts can get pushed aside once the breakup is underway.
Whatever pent up feelings your ex may have been holding on to, chances are they will all come pouring out in flood of emotions. And unfortunately, sometimes that means a lot of ugly anger and resentment will bubble up.
It can take on the form of your ex throwing a fit.
Think of this as the meltdown that get louder and uglier with each passing moment.
In this scenario, your ex may get very agitated and upset, insisting that you are making a huge mistake and going on and on about how you will regret it.
Sometimes, the drama will spill out publicly as he or she tries their level best to heighten everyone’s awareness of the breakup.
It is as if all they care about is letting as many people as possible know about their plight.
Sign 2: Your Ex Behaves Like He or She is Constantly Wallowing In Pity
I am sure you have seen it before.
The breakup is underway, but instead of dealing with it constructively, your ex girlfriend or boyfriend is make sure the entire world knows about how much pain you brought into their life.
Indeed, he or she may be throwing pity parties inviting anyone who is interested to hear the whole story.
In this scenario, they usually want everyone to believe that they are the helpless and innocent victim and all the blame rests with you, the person who left them.
Of course, this kind of reaction from your ex more often just makes things worse as they insist on mischaracterizing what actually happened.
Sadly, their efforts to wallow in all their misfortune can sometimes turn into an unhealthy obsession, resulting in an endless cycle.
Sign 3: Your Ex Seeks Revenge and Resorts to Petty Efforts To Make You Feel Bad
Another bad move by an ex that reveals an unmistakable and immature cruel streak is their dogged determination to blame you for everything, sparring themselves of any responsibility.
That is often the problem with messy breakups.
When one or both parties fails to accept their responsibility in the outcome of the relationship, destructive behaviors can spiral out of control.
Psychologically speaking, it is far easier to blame others and act out with one’s anger, than to shoulder some of the blame.
If your ex is resorting to doing and saying things to make you feel bad just for the sake of getting some payback, while holding themselves out as blameless, that is the picture of one who has a very immature understanding of how to work through the problems at hand.
It is selfish and childish of them to pretend you are the sole cause of the relationship coming to an end.
When your ex has a view that is completely one sided and does things to make you feel worse, then that person is far from being ready to have a constructive conversation.
As you will learn later, when confronted with such behavior, you should not even try to engage with them.
Sign 4: Your Ex Gives You An Ultimatum in No Uncertain Terms
Sometimes breakups can get downright ugly.
If your ex is throwing out ultimatums and fanning the flames of “either you do this or…”, then you can be assured that your ex’s emotional reaction to conflict is way below the acceptable and mature level of dealing with conflict.
They are far from being ready to talk in a constructive way about most everything.
Immature exes often feel they are entitled and should get everything their way.
And when it doesn’t work out that way, they like to resort to childish and immature threats.
It is best not to give in to all their silly claims or assertions.
They are trying to draw you in and control you and get you to respond.
That is a game you should never play because it lowers you to their level and before you know it you are now the one wallowing in the mud.
Sign 5: Your Ex Wants to Play Mind Games Instead of Working Constructively to Work On Solutions
Another clear cut sign of an ex who is emotionally ill prepared to deal with the breakup in a mature manner is if they prefer to play mind games.
Perhaps after pitying themselves for awhile, they may resort to childish pranks such as calling you at all hours of the night, hoping for a response.
Or sometimes the ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend will use social media to spread lies and deceit in an effort to get a rise out of you.
They may rush out and fall right into a rebound relationship.
Unfortunately, sometimes the worst versions of ourselves emerge after a breakup.
Instead of embracing the space and time you both need following a breakup, the ex may never let it go.
He or she may rage on inside and look for every way to screw up your day leaving you random text messages or phone calls out of the blue.
Your ex may block and unblock you several times.
Essentially, in this situation, your ex is determined to flash the light of attention as often as possible to get noticed and to confuse and rattle you.
How Do You Handle An Ex Who Behaves Immaturely?
In my experience, when you find yourself dealing with an ex who is making everything overly dramatic, then I think it falls on you to utilize the following 6 tips.
I realize it can be very difficult when dealing with an ex girlfriend or boyfriend who is acting childish and immaturely.
But if you don’t have a game plan, chances are they will continue to act this way.
Remember, their mission is to get their way and to get noticed.
And neither of those outcomes are likely to be in your best interest.
So tap into these important Tips if your ex is being completely unreasonable and behaving like a spoiled child.
Tip 1: Give Them The Silent Treatment
So if your ex is acting up and misbehaving like a child, then it does not pay to engage them.
If your ex is throwing temper tantrums and acting obnoxious or even rude, your best course of action is to give them the silent treatment.
If they are going to act like an immature child, then treat them as such. In effect, put them in time out.
Don’t give voice to their outbursts. That is what they want. Your ex boyfriend or girlfriend is acting immaturely because they are unhappy that they are not getting their way. So they resort to their childish ways.
But the reality is that relationships are complicated and your ex must learn to accept they can’t control everything. If you try to respond and reason with them, it is very likely to backfire.
In a lot of these breakup situations, it may be necessary to initiate a no contact period.
So under those guidelines, you should not be addressing the outlandish antics of your ex. As much as they may get under your skin with their foolish ways, it is important to stick with you plan.
Your silence will eventually win out.
Tip 2: Do Not Fall Into The Trap of Giving In To Your Ex’s Demands
If you fall into the trap of responding in kind, giving them your level best – an eye for an eye so to speak – then you would be making a terrible mistake of judgment and strategy.
Your ex boyfriend or girlfriend may insist upon many things. They may beg, cajole, threaten, manipulate, and use all their guile to fool you into lowering yourself to their level, but don’t go there.
As much as it will be satisfying to reply in a harsh and unkind way, even if it means calling them out for acting like a big baby, just don’t go there.
Keep the high ground.
If you get drawn into their world, you will just end up setting the relationship further back and bring on more grief and stress for yourself.
This is not the time to fight and even the score.
This is the time to walk the other way for now and start the healing process.
Tip 3: Let Them Act Out – Just Don’t Acknowledge It
No matter what you do or say, they probably won’t change their behavior for some time, particularly if they are stubborn.
So often it is best to let this emotional streak run its course.
Unfortunately, some exes are also prone to engaging in self destructive behavior.
Hopefully that is not the case in your breakup situation and let’s hope your ex gets it all out of their system before they inflict any serious damage upon themselves.
I am not referring to the physically hurting themselves, though I will take up that topic a bit later.
What I am referring to is the tendency your ex boyfriend or girlfriend might have to deny themselves emotional support or delude themselves that nothing is really wrong.
An ex can be prone to going into a state of denial and behave in a way that is embarrassing to all involved.
Sometimes they just can’t help themselves. It could be a default system that kicks in for them because they have done it in the past and got away with it.
Sometimes there is something inside them that just needs to get out and this is their way of getting it out of their system.
Their immature outbursts or assertions actually might be their way of working through their own cathartic process. Maybe it works for them.
So expect that this kind of behavior could last for awhile.
It can take time for your ex to move past the denial and anger stage and eventually move into the acceptance stage.
Tip 4: Don’t Resort To Blocking Your Ex During Their Fits of Immaturity
You will be tempted to block your misbehaving ex every which way you can.
It might make you feel good, but all you will end up doing is proving to them that if they act out enough, something will happen. You don’t want to give life to their childish, immature rages.
I am not much of a fan of blocking an sex on social media.
The message that sends can be confusing and negative.
Interestingly, if your ex acts out in an immature fashion, with the secret hope that it will give rise to you eventually blocking him or her, imagine his or her surprise when you elect not to react to their childish efforts.
You see, even if you say nothing to them, but decide to block them to silence them, you are in effect communicating with them which in their twisted mind could be misconstrued as success.
Now they can use your blocking as further proof of how they are the victim.
That is the nature of how these things usually work.
So the more your ex acts out in an effort to make a point and rattle your cage, the more they will eventually come to realize the futility of their ways if you don’t fall for their traps.
But if you drop your guard and start commenting or blocking or doing anything to give attention to their poor behavior, you may end up emboldening them to continue to showcase their immature side.
It’s like quieting down a fire.
You smother it by taking away its oxygen so it cannot spread.
Tip 5: Take it Seriously If They Act in a Self Destructive Way or Threaten Suicide
Hopefully, you are never in this situation.
But if you ex start hinting to the prospect of taking their life or if they boldly assert that they are seriously contemplating such an act, it would be wise not to ignore that.
Of course, they may never follow through with it.
It could be that your ex is feeling particularly vulnerable at that time and their words could represent a call for help. Maybe the odds of them even doing such a thing is very low.
But one should never assume that when an ex makes a reference to suicide, that it is just another ploy. Perhaps it is. But one should NOT assume it is an empty threat.
It needs to be taken seriously, even if you are not sure if they really mean it.
So if your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend says things that cause you concern, then an intervention may be necessary. At the very least, you can break your silence to express your concern and encourage them to get professional help.
At the bottom of every page on my website, you will find a link to my Disclaimer Policy. In there, I provide information about the suicide hotline. If you know someone who you feel could be at risk for hurting themselves, give them this information.
If you know someone who needs help from the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, they can dial:
They will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, their mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential.
Depending on the scenario, you may also want to involve friends or family, making them aware of your concern.
Tip 6. Have a Sensible Long Term Ex Recovery Plan
Lastly, let talk about the most important of all the Tips.
You see, unless you have a sensible Ex Back Plan, you are not going to achieve the outcomes you desire.
Whether you are looking for help with your personal recovery and growth or need help with setting up a strategy to get your ex back, you are going to need a smart and strategic Program.
That is what I specialize in. My Ex Recovery Program talks about how you move past the stage of dealing with an emotionally immature ex and actually put the focus on “you” and your goals.
Without a holistic understanding of how all these pieces fit together, it can be very confusing out there.
So feel free to explore all of the resources I offer here on my website.