First of all… I have one obvious question.
Were you social media stalking your ex??
If you were, it’s okay… everyone does it. Just be careful because it can become a habit and that will only make things MORE difficult if you keep it up.
Regardless of how you came to figure it out, you look at your ex now and you see a 10 standing in her place and you wonder,
“When in the heck did that happen?”
Trust me, I know the feeling. You see her and suddenly all of your faults and shortcomings feel like they are huge. My friends and I call this the “Losing the Breakup” feeling. I’m assuming that if you are old enough to have a relationship, that you have at least lost at something before… maybe basketball, football… monopoly.
Whatever, it was that you lost at, remember that feeling…
It’s pretty similar to the way you felt when you looked at your ex and saw how good she is doing… right?
Why Do You Feel This Way?
Well, no one likes to feel like they’re losing anything. But feeling this way doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t doing good! It means that she is doing better than you expected her to.
We all want to feel like we make an impact on the people around us.
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And even after a breakup you expect there to naturally be a certain level of devastation. She’s supposed to have trouble moving on.
And I’m betting that the fact that she looks good is making you think that life is pretty good for her right now.
You know what makes a woman lose weight?
There are two ways that most women deal with the stress of a breakup…
Some women deal with the stress of a breakup by “eating their feelings.” However, this is almost always temporary and only lasts a few months. The thing is that YOU though she would miss you forever…. right?
Other women take a a short time like this to mourn and jumps into “go-mode,” the “if I don’t do something positive I’ll go crazy” mode. That means working out, making a plan, and moving forward.
That’s what it takes to get to a point where you can look amazing, confident, and looking like your life is put together. It takes getting through that period of feeling like crap. Or, you do what the rest of them do…. fake it till you make it.
So let’s go over this again.
Your ex looks awesome.
She’s either still dealing with the hurt and hiding it well.
Or… she’s in “go mode” and is kicking life’s butt.
or… she’s “faking it till she makes it”
And… you absolutely hate it.
I completely understand why you feel that way.
So, What Do You Do?!
What’s the first thing that a kid asks after he falls down or hurts himself?
“Make it stop.”
“Fix it please.”
I get it. Nobody likes being hurt.
So, let’s talk about getting you over it.
Have you ever heard the saying,
“The best revenge is a well lived life.”
Well, the best thing you can do to get past the fact that your ex is giving off some “I’ve got my stuff together” vibes is to get your own stuff together.
LIVE YOUR LIFE WELL!!!
I know. I sound like one of those positivity guru people, but if you want this hurt feeling to pass, you have to get a good understanding of what it is that makes you feel this way.
Here… I’ll paint you a picture. Or I suppose… draw you a graph…
The “potential” is not just regarding what you would normally consider success, you know, kicking butt at work or getting in shape. It also means the potential to move on.
On the left the two of you would be on equal ground. On the right, you would be slightly if not more successful than your ex.
Either way, up until now, you have assumed that you are in one of these positions.
Seeing your exgirlfriend looking like a ten or a twelve can really bring home the possibility that she might actually be doing better than you are. And that is scary as heck.
Trust me, I completely understand that feeling more than you can imagine.
The Secret You Need to Know
You want to know a secret though?
Someone can look 100% on top of their stuff, and look good while doing it, and still be hiding a ton of pain and regret.
Now, I need you to take the POSSIBILITY that your ex might only LOOK like she’s got her life together and she’s having an easy time dealing with this and turn it into MOTIVATION.
You take that fear that you are feeling and channel it into energy.
Think about this.
Fear is the second greatest motivator that there is. Do you know what the second one is?
They also lead you to making rash decisions.
So, instead of doing something that might push her further away, like texting her a million times or saying something without thinking that is much more damaging, you need to find a target that is good for YOU and focus all of that energy there.
So, barring this relationship with your ex, what in your life is important.
For some people it boils down to their job, their education, but right now we are going to focus on looks. Why would we do that?
We are going to do that, because the title of this article is “help! my ex girlfriend got hot!”
But you should apply as much effort into the rest of life.
The thing is, improvements to your appearance are the easiest to make. The reason that is, is because there are a MILLION people telling you how to do it. Magazines, trainers…. old ladies on the elevator… okay maybe that last one is just me.
Now, I’m not saying that it will be easy, but it is the easiest to find a way to make it happen. Because, not only am I going to lay it out there for you, everyone on the planet has already put out guides on how to make that happen.
First things first, you need to do something with your hair. I don’t care if your life long dream was to have a mullet. It better be the cleanest mullet this world has ever seen. (But seriously though, please don’t get a mullet.)
I know it seems like nothing, but believe it or not, a haircut and some clean clothes that fit you can make a HUGE difference. I wish I had pictures of a friend who FINALLY took this advice from me. It was something like taking this:
and turning it into this:
Now, a haircut and some clothes that fit aren’t going to do all the work for you. You have to actually put in some serious work here if you want to make an actual difference.
So, what else is there?
I know you are going to actually hate this suggestion, but GET ACTIVE!
Hit the gym.
Go for a run.
Take your dog for a walk.
Go to a kick boxing class. (this one is my personal favorite, because it also helps burn off any frustration.)
Once people get into a relationship, it is understandable that a certain amount of comfortability and complacency settles in. So, most people gain weight or get to a point where they just don’t care. Well, while a haircut and a trip to buy some clothes that fit, they will make you look great, they don’t change who you are.
But hitting the gym and doing something active won’t just make you look better. It will make you feel better.
Being active activates the parts of your brain that make and send endorphins throughout your body. With endorphins comes dopamine and other neurotransmitters whose main job is to make you feel awesome (among other things).
You know what else is going to make you feel even better? Looking smoking hot!
What do you think will be more productive, focusing on your exes progress… or focusing on yours?
Everything Past the Appearance
Did you know that women are namely attracted to men that look more mature? Psychologists call this the “George Clooney Effect.” To be honest I can totally see why they would call it that. So, getting your life together is JUST as important as looking good. So many people get hung up on improving looks and let the rest of it slide.
Don’t get hung up.
Focus on the other parts of your life as well.
Those are the things you have right now…. for sure.
Get those things to a point where they are so solid that when you see your ex again, you leave her wondering what your secret is.
Now, every man I have ever known would want the world to see how hard they worked for their success. However, if you want your ex to see you differently and want you back, then what do you think would be more attractive?
You flailing and treading water to get to the other shore?
You doing a breast stroke and making it look easy?
Most guys think that if they let the girl see them look pitiful then she will feel sorry for him and want him back. But, I will tell you this right now. Looking better and getting your life together makes you feel more confident. And being confident makes you realize that you deserve better. So, if your ex has gained any confidence what-so-ever (which I am guessing she has since you clearly find her more attractive) then you have a better chance of catching her attention and holding it if you can make her curious.
The Biggest Secret That You Don’t Know Yet
You want to know the one thing that will make her curious and pay attention?
It’s quite simple.
At first, when you find a place like this and people like us, who tell you how to get your ex back, you are prepared to do WHATEVER we tell you… but things don’t change over night, as I am sure you’ve noticed. So, what most people do when things don’t progress quickly is panic and jump from solution to solution never giving any of them their full focus. Yet, they spend the entire time focused on their ex and doing all this jumping. And then, after they look back at all the unfinished attempts and they go…
So, if you want to know the secret to this, it is going to seem way simpler than you expect it to be. Pick one and stick with it. Focus all of your energy and care about it.
Don’t jump from website to website. Don’t abandon the effort simply because it doesn’t resolve everything quick, fast, and in a hurry. It doesn’t have to be ExGirlfriend Recovery Pro (although I can speak to an epic success rate), you do need to pick one program and stick with it.
You see, I speak to men every day all day about how they plan to get their exes back and do you know what their ideas are on how to make that work?
I’ll tell her I was wrong.”
“I’ll do whatever she wants.”
“I’ll tell her I’ll changed.”
The majority of them think that they can convince a woman that they CARE simply by telling her and overwhelming her with attention. Now, don’t get me wrong, everyone like attention, but have you ever had someone do you a favor expecting something in return?
It’s like they do it and then just stand there waiting for you to just be so overwhelmed with gratitude that they give in.
Guilting someone into talking you back isn’t how you build lasting relationships. Besides, a confident woman definitely will not put up with it or be fooled.
So, when you decide that you want to get serious, you turn that for us towards caring about being the person who deserves a woman of caliber.
Don’t just tell her you care or that you’ve changed. CARE about changing and you won’t have to tell anyone. They will see it from however far away they are. People like that, people who care about making themselves into something better, people go out of their way to be near them. That means your ex too.
Hop to It
So, If you have learned anything here today, it that you need to be focused on the right things and put all of your eggs in one basket when it comes to getting where you are going. Learn to care more about the person you are becoming and making sure that you deserve what it is that you want. Don’t just demand it.
Give em to me in the comments! I can handle it.