How To Know If Your Ex Girlfriend Wants You Back

Stephen Hawking is considered to be one of the smartest people in the world.  Being so smart, I bet he knows all about how to know if your ex girlfriend wants you back and when might be the opportunistic times to strike.

I mean, the guy is a quantum physicist for heavens sake. To me, any quantum physicist has to be pretty darn intelligent and this guy is at the top of the food chain in his expertise. So, for all of Mr. Hawking’s knowledge of the universe he says that there is still one thing that puzzles him,

“Women are the biggest mystery in the universe…”

Don’t you know it!  I have been saying that my entire life!   In all seriousness, women can be confusing to say the least.  What you need is a guide that can help you decipher what your ex girlfriend is thinking and why.

When and How To Know If Your Ex Girlfriend Wants You Back in Her Life

If you take Hawking’s word for it how in the heck are you supposed to know if your ex girlfriend (a woman) wants you back?  Well, while I am not a scientific genius, I do have a short answer to this puzzling question.

Your Ex girlfriend will want you back when she displays certain signs indicating that the frosty relations have ended and this is usually marked by her increasing interest in talking with you and willingness to meet up with you.  This interest of her to give you another chance is usually preceded by a trail of clues.

Knowing what your ex girlfriend is really up to is not always obvious.  You need someone that can help you read the signs along the trail.

What If My Ex Girlfriend Starts Acting Weird About Us Getting Back Together?

she is acting weird

Often you won’t know for sure what she wants because you ex girlfriend will act and behave in a puzzling way.  Your ex may exhibit certain signs she wants you back, but won’t admit it if you press her, creating a lot of confusion in your mind as to what she really wants.

Here are 5 emotional signs to consider that can clue you in as to her real intentions if she is acting weird or behaving a way that is confusing and frustrating.  If these things happen, remember, it is not all bad.  What is likely is your ex girlfriend is in transition.

1. She may show you signs of interest, but will act scared when you hover too long over the topic of getting back together.

2. Your ex girlfriend may actually show signs she doesn’t want you back in an effort to throw you off the trail.

3. Your ex girlfriend will act aloof, like getting you back means nothing to her.

4. Confusion reigns.  You thought you knew you ex girlfriend, but now she is giving you so many mixed signals, you feel clueless.

5. She goes from be nice and loving to annoyed and irritated all in the space of hours if not minutes.  This is a sign that your ex girlfriend is churning over the possibility of letting you back in.

Your Ex Girlfriend Wanting You Back Is Not Always So Cut and Dry!

You may be thoroughly confused and might even confront her about what the hell she wants.  But you see, you are falling into your ex girlfriend’s trap because she is probably testing you and maybe even herself.

Returning to a failed relationship is tricky.  One part of her wants you.  Another part of her is not so sure. So when your ex girlfriend doesn’t admit she is interested in you again, it is probably because it is a test.



Your Ex Girlfriend Is Testing Herself

testing her needs

She could be testing herself, because deep down, she is trying to connect with her feelings about you.

“Do I really want him back” she may ask herself. “Will he be good to me, like he was before”, your ex may ponder.

Remember, your girlfriend of old has been stung by the breakup. In her mind, you broke her heart once.  She may not be convinced yet that you won’t do it again.  So your ex girlfriend is going to play this game of stop and go.

Her actions will seem terribly confusing to you.  But for her it makes perfect sense and the way she figures, you will eventually do or say something along the way that will help her decide for good.

And here is the crazy thing about this.  You could be behaving perfectly. You may have straightened up your bad boy ways.  You could be doing and saying all the right things that would attract any girl out there.

But sometimes, your ex girlfriend is experiencing such inner turmoil as to what she wants, it won’t matter just how wonderful you are.  For some ladies, it is like they need to go through some kind of cathartic experience to figure out if you are the right one for them.

Your Ex Girlfriend Is Probably Trapped in a Tug of War About Whether She Wants You Back

Somewhere within this chaos and web of emotions she creates for the two of you, she will figure out what she wants.

It can feel like your ex girlfriend is putting you through some wild ride for which you have little control. Sometimes it is that way.  So hold on.

Things with your ex girlfriend can get really confusing and bewildering as she tries to process her own feelings. Think of it as your ex girlfriend is engaged in a giant battle within herself.  It is like a tug of war in which one part of her desires to be with you.  Another part is conflicted.  Still another part of her psyche is dead set against ever seeing you again.

A battle is being waged in your ex girlfriend’s mind and you are trapped in the middle.

Your Ex Girlfriend Is Testing You and Your Actions Are Under Her Microscope.

Your ex girlfriend needs to see how you respond to her overtures. In this scenario, your ex knows exactly what she wants. Whether you realize or not, your ex girlfriend is putting you through a test.  It may feel like she is putting your through the ringer and maybe she is in her own way.

But there is a reason for the madness. Now whether you past your ex girlfriend’s test is another matter.  That is where listening to what she says and asking her what is important can give you some really good clues on how you should navigate through those little obstacles she will purposely put in your way.

Now some men may think their ex girlfriends are wicked or cunning.  But the truth is that your ex girlfriend is simply using her guile and cleverness to do what she thinks is in her best interest.  Also know that she has a certain instinct about what kind of guy is right for her. They are not always right, but she listens to these instincts.  It is like a voice in her head.

If the two of your broke up, then chances are that you did not measure up completely.  You may have let her down. So she may be fighting against this instinct of hers that tells her to stay away from you because of the harm you have caused her.

Of course, it may be that you ended things. But proceeding from the notion that she pulled away from you, consider the fact that somewhere along the way to the breakup, you failed her test.  Now you are getting another chance.  And if you are observant and ask the right questions, you just might get the answers to her “test” that allows you another chance to capture her heart.

10 Ways You Can Tell That You Ex Girlfriend Wants To Give You Another Chance

another chance

So let’s talk about those things that your ex girlfriend may say or do that shows she is willing to not only give you another chance, but is truly warming up to being with you again.

Now remember, your ex girlfriend may not admit to any of these things if you try to call her out on them.  So don’t spook her.  If your ex girlfriend really wants you back, she isn’t go to make it terribly obvious.

There will be all kinds of things working under the surface.  Your ex girlfriend may still be scared about the consequences of giving you another chance.  She may still harbor some resentment.

She may be confused. She may still be mad.  She may still be in some pain.  Your ex girlfriend may be getting some conflicting advice and could easily be one step away from giving up on you.  Just as your ex girlfriend could be one step away from rushing back into your arms.

So tread carefully and slowly, just as your ex girlfriend is probing and experimenting with the idea of getting back together with you again, you too should mirror her and go it slow.

What follows are little clues…small breadcrumbs that point to the possibility she wants you back.

10 Clues That Your Ex Girlfriend Is Interested In You

1. Your ex girlfriend suddenly start texting you out of the blue.

2. Your ex girlfriend needs your advice and wants to have a private talk.

3. She tells you that the breakup really helped her learn things about herself.

4. She pretends to accidentally call you, then apologizes for bothering you.

5. Your ex girlfriend sends one of her friends to chat with you, feeling you out about what you are up to.

6. She tells you that she needs your help with something and acts like it means nothing to her.

7. She plays hard to get when you are around her.

8. Your ex girlfriend agrees to meet up and wears something that is beautiful.

9. Your ex girlfriend actually answers and responds to your text messages, telling you about her day

10.  She calls to just check up on whether you are doing OK.

A word of caution.  Just because your ex girlfriend does one or a few of these things doesn’t mean she is head over heels about resuming the relationship.  You need to see a  consistent show of interest from her, before you can make any profound conclusions about the two of you becoming an item again.

Could I Be Misreading the Signs? Does My Ex Girlfriend Really Want Nothing To Do With Me?

Now, before we get too far ahead of ourselves, let get a dose of some hard reality.  Sometimes your ex girlfriend wants nothing to do with you.  She may be completely fed up and disgusted and you are simply no longer in the picture as far she cares.

But be careful not to always believe what your ex girlfriend says about not wanting you anymore.  Women can be fickle creatures.  One day she despises you.  The next day, she is in your arms telling you how important you are to her. Believe me, I have seen it happen far too many times.

So to make sure you are not deluding yourself about what your ex girlfriend truly wants, let’s take a peek at some of the signs that point to your ex pretty much writing you out of her life. At least for now. Remember not to put too much stock on anything she says and does during this stage.

Sometimes you benefit when you see just how far you have fallen far from her good graces.

It’s best not to walk around thinking something that isn’t true.

7 Things Your Ex Girlfriend Does or Says That Shows She is Not Ready To Have You Back

1. Your ex girlfriend repeatedly ignores your phone calls and text messages.

2. She has blocked or shut you out of social media. You have no way to keep track of what she is doing.

3. Your ex girlfriend has specifically called or texted you to tell you she has moved on.

4. Your ex is hanging out with another guy, but doesn’t make it known.

5. She came by your apartment, when you were not there, and got all of her things and left the key.

6. Your ex girlfriend asked a close friend to speak to you about not bothering her anymore.

7. She agrees to meet with you and tells you that she doesn’t feel the same way about you.

A word to the wise.  Just because your ex girlfriend does or says any of the things I just covered doesn’t mean that the two of you are finished.  Now, at that moment, she may not be feeling the right things for you.

But women can be fickle (so too can guys) and it might turn out that she is going through a phase and you happen to be somebody she want nothing to do with at the moment for any number of reason. Just know the situation can flip.

Your ex girlfriend’s whole attitude about you can change in a hurry.

What you need is a Master’s Course on how to know for sure your ex girlfriend is ready to be with you again.

In the rest of this post, I am going to be breaking down the universe’s biggest mystery, your ex girlfriend, and we are going to do that on this page by showing you exactly what to look for if she wants you back.

Lets get started!

Women Talk vs. Man Talk (A Clue To When Your Ex Girlfriend Might Take You Back)

women vs men

Men and women are very different.

It doesn’t take a genius to realize that fact.

One of the differences between them is the fact that they have different ways of conveying information. This is an important concept to understand since it ties directly into figuring out if your ex is exhibiting signs that she wants you back.

So, what I would like to do now is focus on how men talk as opposed to women. Once you understand this distinction you will know exactly what to look for from your ex girlfriend.

Lets start by talking about men.

How Men Talk That is Different Than Women

Men are pretty simple.

Generally speaking we are pretty straightforward with how we talk. When it comes to relationships we can sometimes have trouble exhibiting the emotions that women are looking for but one thing that we are really good at is telling women exactly what we want.

We have all been faced with that moment where we are talking to a girlfriend trying to figure out where to go out to eat and the woman is indecisive about everything or waiting for you to take charge of the situation.

YOU: “Do you want to go to Chilies?”

HER: “Hmmm… I don’t know… maybe.”

YOU: “What about Olive Garden?”

HER: “Possibly…”

The point I am trying to make here is that if the roles were reversed a guy would have a much easier time saying exactly where he wanted to go out to eat.

Now, this is nothing against women. I understand exactly what they are trying to do by being all indecisive in that situation (and you will too in a second.)

But the big takeaway I want you to have from this section is the fact that generally men are very straightforward when they talk.

Women are a little different.

How Women Such as Your Ex Girlfriend Talks

Women communicate a little bit differently than men.

Now, since we are all men here it may be hard for us to understand why they communicate the way they do because we are so vastly different in our approaches but I am going to break it down for you. Lets take our “going out to eat” example to illustrate that point.

Why is it that women tend to be so indecisive in situations like that?

Well, in that particular situation they really want two things.

  • Thing 1: They want you to pick the right place to go out to eat.
  • Thing 2: They want you to take charge because they believe that’s what a man should do.

I guess we should start with “Thing 1.”

How in the hell are you supposed to be able to pick the right place to go out to eat when you have no earthly idea?

Well, I am sorry to break it to you but all the information you need to make the “correct” decision has already been given to you, you just weren’t listening hard enough. You see, when women talk they drop these little hints which can be super annoying because the hints are often very little. Nevertheless, the hints are always there and you need to always be aware of them.

Why do they drop hints?

You see, your ex girlfriend don’t want to have to physically tell you what they want. She feels that you should just know. Of course, she isn’t crazy and since she knows you aren’t a mind reader, she realizes that she is going to have to drop these little hints when the two of you talk to give you an idea of what she really want.

Why not just actually tell you?

Well, it means much more to them if you do whatever it is that they want without them actually telling you to do it.

“Thing 2” is also a very interesting insight into women.

Your ex girlfriend is drawn to confidence. I mean how many times have you heard a close friend (who happens to be a girl) tell you,

“All you have to do is be confident?”

This is going to sound completely shallow of me but I think it will illustrate my point. I have literally seen some of the ugliest looking guys get the prettiest girls just because they were completely confident in themselves. Now, let me ask you.

What is more confident than a man completely taking charge of a situation?

To women… NOTHING.

Nothing is more confident than that.

Why Understanding How Your Ex Girlfriend Talks Is Important

So, by now I bet you are wondering why I was covering the differences between how men and women communicate, right?

It’s quite simple really.

We are all men here so I think it goes without saying that we are very limited in our ability to think outside the box (yup, I am stereotyping us all so deal with it.) I am betting that one of the issues in your relationship was the fact that your communication was never that great.

Seriously, if you were to ask your ex girlfriend right now about the communication between the two of you in your relationship what do you think she would say?

Probably that it sucked.

Of course, you would fire back with, “well, she never told me what she wanted once.

The truth is that all the signs were there. You just weren’t paying attention. Remember, women often communicate using hints and sometimes these hints can be very hard to pick up on. That’s why you always have to be listening and watching (something that 90% of men out there fail to do.)

Figuring out if your ex girlfriend wants you back is exactly the same.

There are going to be signs/hints and it’s up to you to find them and determine what what they mean.

Luckily for you, you have a secret weapon, ME!

I am going to be taking you through an in-depth look at all the signs you can expect to encounter if your ex girlfriend is interested in a reconciliation. First though, I do want to point out a very important rule that you need to follow.

The “Three Signs” Rule

(Learn more about how you can get your ex girlfriend back here.)

three twins

Did I ever tell you the story of one of the most embarrassing moments of my life?


Well listen up because you are in for a good laugh.

A long time ago there was a girl that I really liked (I think you can see where this is going.) Anyways, it took me about a month to work up the courage to ask her out on a date and when she said yes to my request I was absolutely ecstatic. For days it was the only thought on my mind.

When the day finally came I was understandably pretty nervous. I did my best to keep my cool during the date but I am sure she could tell that I was nervous. The situation got worse towards the end of the date when we were sitting by the water and she looked into my eyes.

Now, I had read something on the internet about how eye contact is really important for building attraction so I decided that this was the perfect time to try it. I looked into her eyes as she looked into mine. There was just one problem, she wasn’t looking away.

She was matching my eye stare with her eye stare. After a while it felt like we were in the middle of an epic staring contest and guess who was losing?

This guy!

I had never encountered anything like this on a date before and didn’t know what to do. Since the two of us were in uncharted waters I did what I always do in situations like these, I put myself in her shoes and tried to look at the situation from her perspective.

What was my conclusion?

The only way a girl would look me directly in the eye for this long is if she wanted me to kiss her.

So I went in for one.

Do you think my risk paid off?


Instead of getting a passionate kiss all I was given was the dreaded pull away and the four words no man ever wants to hear,

“What are you doing?”

What is the point of me telling you this story?

It’s that sometimes no matter how blatant the signs we think we are reading correctly are, there is always that chance that we are reading them wrong. For example, I guarantee you that if you put any other girl in the embarrassing story I told you about above I would have gotten a kiss instead of a “what are you doing?” It just so happened that I was out on a date with the one girl whose minute long eye contact session with me wasn’t a sign that she wanted to kiss me.

The possibility of misreading signs can be a scary thought for a lot of guys out there but that is exactly why I created the “three signs” rule, so you won’t ever misread a sign.

What Is The Three Signs Rule?

Lets say you are trying to determine if your ex girlfriend wants you back by looking for signs.

After about a week or so you see something that you determine is a “sign” and you get excited. Of course, if you learned anything from my embarrassing story above it’s that you can’t just assume that she wants you back from one single sign.

This is where the three signs rule comes in.

You see, it’s easy to make a mistake with one sign but with three…. well, lets just say its highly unlikely that if your ex girlfriend exhibits three signs she doesn’t want you back. It’s possible, but HIGHLY unlikely.

The way I look at it is simple.

With one sign its easy to make a mistake.

Two signs could be a coincidence.

But three signs… well, three signs is a pattern and a pattern means that your ex girlfriend is exhibiting the same behavior over and over again and if that behavior is the signs I cover below then that is very good for you.

This is what the three sign rule is.

In order for you to get my blessing on whether or not your ex wants you back she is going to have to exhibit a minimum of three signs on the list below. If she has exhibited only two of the signs below then I am sorry to inform you but she doesn’t want you back… yet.

Three signs is what is going to take so make sure you know these signs like the back of your hand.

The Many Different Signs That Your Ex Girlfriend Wants You Back

(Interested in how to get your ex girlfriend back? Check out Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.)


This is by far the most important section on this entire page.

If your ex girlfriend exhibits three or more of the signs that I outline here then that means the possibility is high that she wants a reconciliation to occur (three sign rule.) By now I hope you know me well enough to know that I always go above and beyond in my guides. So, it is already a foretold conclusion that I am going to be listing a lot of signs below. However, I want this site to be different from all of my peers. So, the thing that is probably going to set this page apart from all the others in the world is the fact that I am going to be going into details on each one of these signs.

The way I look at it is pretty simple. It’s easy for me to sit here and list out a sign for you to watch for. However, that doesn’t give you all the information you need. In order to successfully understand why that sign is important you need to grasp what your girlfriend is thinking when she exhibited the sign but not only that, you also need to understand the significance of the sign.

I aim to provide you with the answers to those questions.

So, not only am I going to give you the generic “signs” to keep an eye out for but I am going to give you the psychology that goes behind them and why they are important.

Lets get started.

Pet Names


“Good morning sweetie!”

“Hi honey!

“It’s going to be ok babe!”

Did you know that there is an actual definition for a pet name?

Pet names are defined as names used to express fondness and familiarity for someone.

During your relationship I bet your girlfriend had at least one pet name for you. Maybe she called you,

  • Hun
  • Sweetie
  • Baby
  • Lovey
  • Love
  • Babe
  • Sweetheart

I think you get the idea.

If your ex girlfriend takes to calling you a pet name it could be a sign that she still has feelings for you. Also, lets be honest here, it is kind of awesome to have a girlfriend like you so much that she says this kind of stuff to you.

Whats Going On In Your Ex Girlfriend’s Mind To Cause Her To Use A Pet Name?

Before I really get going on the mindset of your ex girlfriend here I feel compelled to mention that you are going to have to determine if your ex girlfriend is one of those types of women that uses pet names for everyone or just for her boyfriend.

In my experience, most women do save pet names for their boyfriends but some women just naturally use pet names for everyone.

Why is this important to determine?

Well, if your ex is one of those women that uses pet names for all of her friends then her using a pet name for you isn’t a big deal for her. However, if you know for a fact that your ex rarely uses pet names on anyone except those who she is in love with it is a very good sign for you.

So, lets assume a best case scenario for a moment here and say that your ex only uses pet names on a boyfriend. Well, if you two are broken up and she begins using a pet name on you it is a good sign because it means her feelings are causing her to say the pet name.

What do you think I mean by that?

Well, generally speaking when a woman uses a pet name she has to feel something strong for her to use it. You are in a good position because you have already dated her so we already know that she has the ability to have strong feelings for you.

Her using a pet name is simply verifying this fact but it’s also a risk on her part because she doesn’t know how you are going to react to her using the pet name now that you two are broken up. In other words, not only does she have to feel it to say it but she is also using it as a way to test you and gauge where you are at.

Women think a lot about this stuff huh?

The Spy

secret agent

This is an interesting sign.

As I discussed above, women operate a little bit differently than men. You see, men don’t like to share their feelings amongst other men. Sure, sometimes if we get really hurt we can’t help but drop our guard and open up a bit but generally speaking the only time we talk about girls in front of other men is if we are sleeping with them.

Women are very different than us in that regard. They love talking openly about every aspect of their relationships among other women. It’s almost therapeutic for them to be social and talk about how they feel. As a result, women can often enlist other women to find out details on you after a breakup.

Imagine this for a moment.

Imagine that you and your ex girlfriend have been broken up for two weeks and in that two weeks neither one of you has spoken to each other. Well, your ex girlfriend is very curious as to what you are up to but she is too stubborn to find out for herself.

So, instead of taking a risk and messaging you she enlists one of her friends to do it.

I have seen “spies” get in touch with exes in many different ways.

  • Some use Facebook.
  • Some “accidentally” run in to you in public.
  • Some will text message you.
  • Others will call you and have your ex secretly hidden on a three way call.

This brings up an interesting question. Which one of your ex girlfriends friends has the highest likelihood of becoming a spy for her?

Well, that’s easy, your exes best friend.

You see, it is your girlfriends best friend’s job to get information on you after a breakup so keep an eye on any type of interaction you may have with her. I guarantee you the second that your interaction with the best friend is over she or he may run to your ex and tell her all the juicy details.

Why Your Ex Girlfriend  “Spying” On You Is A Good Sign

If your ex girlfriend asks one of her friends to spy on you I would take it as a good sign because it means she is interested in what you are up to.

Now, I am not going to sit here and tell you that if your ex enlists a spy all of your troubles are over and she is just going to jump into your arms by the end of the day (remember it takes three signs.) What I will tell you is that the fact that she is interested in what you are up to is very good.

It means she is curious and curiosity in this instance can have a direct correlation to her missing you.

She is probably sitting there wondering,

“I wonder if he misses me like I miss him.”

It is this singular thought that can give her the idea to get one of her friends to spy for her.

Your Ex Girlfriend Initiates Contact First & Often


Someone a long time ago once told me something very interesting about women.

If you are the first person a woman talks to in the morning and the last at night it definitely means she has feelings for you.

At one point of your relationship with your ex I am betting that you were the first and last person she talked to every day. Breakups have a way of changing that though.

Resentment, anger and pain cause both of you to kind of give one another the cold shoulder a little bit. For example, I guarantee you that you are going to notice a big difference in your conversations after a breakup. Maybe your ex used to text back immediately when you would text her but she might not do that anymore.

Maybe any time you talked to her on the phone she was full of life and had a lot to say but after the breakup she is quiet and guarded.

My point here is simple.

There is definitely going to be a change when it comes to communication after a breakup.

However, if you start to notice that your ex girlfriend is contacting you first and often that is a very good sign.

Allow me to explain why.

Why It’s A Good Sign

Women tend to be very detail oriented.

For example, the first thing that most men notice is a woman’s breasts and then the next thing is her face.

I once had a woman tell me that the first thing she noticed about a man were his shoes, then his finger nails and then his face.

Do you see how detailed women can be?

So, you can bet your existence on the fact that your ex notices every little communication detail. She notices when you get quiet in conversations. She notices when you take the initiate to contact her first. She notices when you don’t text her first. She notices how long the phone conversations are.

My point is simple.

If your ex girlfriend notices all of this stuff it is a big deal for HER to take the initiative and contact you first.

Think of it like this.

Any time anyone contacts anyone first it means that they want to talk to that person.

Of course, I am not going to sit here and tell you that just because your girlfriend initiated a conversation with you first one time that she wants you back. That’s why the first and OFTEN part is important.

I already gave you my little speech on why patterns matter with the “three sign rule.” Well, finding a pattern with your ex girlfriend texting you first also matters. If she is consistently the one to open up communication it definitely means something and that is a good sign.

Your Ex Girlfriend is Using Little Touches To Communicate With You (In Person)


Lets say that you and your ex girlfriend are seeing each other in person quite often (you can learn how to get to a level where this can happen here.)

During your interaction in person you begin to notice that your girlfriend is touching you in a very soft way. For example, if the two of you were to walking down the street you may notice that her hand slightly brushes up against your hand. At first you think nothing of it but then you begin to notice it again and again (ah a pattern.) Pretty soon you find yourself wondering,

“Does she want me to hold her hand?”


Remember, it’s a hint.

Lets talk about hugs for a second though. In my experience, there are two types of hugs.

There are the hugs that you give your friends (of the opposite sex) where its just a brief hug and release. Then there are those hugs who you give to people who mean something to you. This is a hug that is held for a long time. In other words, the hug is prolonged and the release doesn’t happen until later.

Every time you go in for a hug with your ex there should be an internal clock that starts in your head. The internal clock is what separates regular hugs from passionate ones. So, as you are hugging your girlfriend that clock is going to be started. You are going to know the point of release for a regular hug because the clock will tell you,

“Ok, if I release now then that’s just a regular hug.”

Of course, if you hit the point of release for a “regular hug” and your ex is still holding on to you then that means you are in the more passionate hug category and that is an incredibly good sign.

Why is it a good sign?

I am glad you asked.

What Is Going On In Your Ex Girlfriend’s Head?

Well, if you find that your ex is initiating physical contact in person that means you have touched her on a level emotionally where she wants to be with you and that is perfect for our purposes.

The little hand touches, prolonged hugs or any other type of meaningful contact is an important sign to watch out for because it is a direct indicator of how a girl is feeling. For example, have you ever tried to hug a girl who is extremely angry at you?

Well, if you haven’t then give it a try. I promise you it probably won’t end well.

Of course, we are assuming the opposite is going to happen, that your ex is so happy around you that she can’t contain herself physically.

Let me put this in caveman talk so I can really hammer this point home.

Your Ex Initiating Physical Contact = She Has Strong POSITIVE Feelings For You

Your Ex Girlfriend is Talking About Your Current Relationship A Lot

current relationship

I want to make sure there is no mistake for what I am trying to say here. When I talk about an ex talking about your relationship I don’t mean your old relationship. You know, the one you two had before you broke up. No, I am talking about your relationship right now.

In other words, the CURRENT relationship you have with your ex girlfriend.

If you find that your ex constantly brings up your current relationship I would take it as a good sign.

Take a moment to scroll up and review my section on “women talk.” If you read that section then you know that women don’t always say exactly what they mean or what they want. Instead, they drop hints to kind of gauge where men are at before they start talking about what they really want.

If your ex girlfriend is bringing up your current relationship a lot then that means she is testing to see how you react to talking about the subject and that is a good sign because it may potentially means she wants to define the current relationship you have.

How She Approaches Talking About Your Current Relationship

Women are so clever about how they bring up talking about relationships.

In the particular case we are talking about here I have seen one consistent method in which a woman can bring up a current relationship.

They allude to a future without you in it.

Let me give you an example. Lets say that you and your ex girlfriend decide to go out for dinner one night. You don’t go to a super romantic restaurant but the chemistry between the two of you is undeniable and romance is inevitable.

She kind of gets caught up in the moment and thinks to herself,

“Wow, wouldn’t it be great to feel this way all the time?”

This causes her to go through a series of questions in her head.

QUESTION 1: “How can I feel this way all the time?”

ANSWER 1: “To date (you) again.”

QUESTION 2: “How can I see how he feels about dating again without me scaring him off?”

ANSWER 2: “I will allude to a future with him in it.”

Women allude to the future in many different ways but without a doubt their favorite way of doing this is by including you in future plans.

For example, if you find your ex saying something like,

“We are going to go hike the Grand Canyon one day.”

It definitely means she is watching to see what your reaction will be. If you hear her say that and look hesitant then she will take it as,

“Wow, he really doesn’t want to be with me.”

Of course, if you hear the Grand Canyon comment, smile and say something like, “I absolutely can’t wait to do that with you,” instead of your ex thinking you want to avoid her like the plague she is going to think it’s ok if she starts talking more and more about your current relationship.

And in case you forgot, that is a very good thing.

Your Ex Girlfriend is Using Long & Fast Text Message Replies


A while ago I wrote a very long guide about text messaging an ex girlfriend. In that guide I talked about the importance of paying attention to the word count and reply time of your ex girlfriends messages. The reason it is important to pay attention to that type of thing is that those two things combined have a direct correlation to how interested she is in talking to you.

Yes, I understand that sometimes your ex may be super busy and won’t have time to respond to your text messages right away, you know her better than I do in that regard, but I am talking about in general.

For example, if you were to text your ex girlfriend and she doesn’t get back to you for a couple of hours one time in a week then that is not that big of a deal. However, if you text her and she consistently doesn’t get back to you within the week then that may be an issue.

Of course, you do have to take things like work into account here. So, if there is a consistent block of time where she isn’t responding to your text messages and you discover then she is at work during that block of time then you can give her a pass. People do have to focus on work after all.

However, if she is consistently ignoring your messages then that is an issue.

Now, the holy grail that you are searching for as a “good sign” is if you text your girlfriend and she responds quickly with a lengthy response. If you can string together an entire conversation with her in this manner it is an incredible sign.

What It Means If You Achieve The “Holy Grail”

(I highly recommend that you take a look at my book, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO if you are serious about getting your ex back.)

In case you missed my awesome reference,

Holy Grail = Fast & Long Text Replies

Why is it such a big deal if you get your girlfriend, someone who I am assuming you shared a part of yourself that no one else sees, to respond to your texts in a timely and long manner?

Well, the reason it’s important is that women understand that their time is much more valuable than a mans time. You see, mother nature let us off easy. We can have sex and there really aren’t any consequences (other than the obvious diseases.) Women on the other hand have to worry about pregnancy. This makes their time much more valuable than ours.

Any time they enter an intimate relationship with a man they always have this primal worry in the back of their minds.

“If I were to get pregnant by him would he stick around?”

As a result, once women reach a certain age they don’t look at relationships the same way anymore. They start to look at relationships as a way to pick a life partner. They understand that they need to choose someone who is going to stand by them through thick and thin and it all comes back to the fact that they are the ones that have to carry children in their womb.

Look, women understand that they can’t be wasting their precious time on unworthy candidates. So, the simple fact that your ex continues to text you with fast and long replies means that she may still see you as a worthy candidate.

Using Your Friends To Her Advantage

best friends

In the section on “the spy” I talked extensively how your ex girlfriend may potentially use one of her friends to spy on you or get information about you.

Well, this section is very similar to that one except instead of her using her friends she is going to use one of your friends.

The way this can work is very simple really. Lets say that you and your ex girlfriend have broken up with one another and the two of you have entered into a no contact period. You are a pretty stubborn person so you are telling yourself,

“I refuse to talk to her until she talks to me first…”

(Which seems to be a really common thought in a lot of men.)

Anyways, your ex girlfriend begins to wonder what you are up to but she is a little stubborn too and she tells herself,

“I am not talking to him until he talks to me first…”

So, what we have here is a stubborn standoff. Of course, throughout your relationship you have proven to be a little more stubborn than her so it only makes sense that she begins to break down first. She wonders what you have been up to and what your life is like without her. In fact, her thoughts are constantly plagued by one question,

“Does he even miss me?”

But she is stubborn remember?

It goes against her mindset to ask you directly. So, instead of doing that she decides to go to one of your friends to ask questions about you.

Why is this a good sign if she is simply trying to find out about you?

The Answer Is In The Details

I hope you have some good friends because for you to even have the slightest clue that this is working you are going to have to rely on them for a little bit.

What is supposed to happen is your friend is supposed to come to you after your ex girlfriend contacts him/her and tell you that she tried to reach out.

If your friend says this to you I want you to ask for details about the entire interaction. The more details you can get the better.


Well, lets say that your ex girlfriend does end up contacting your best friend Billy (you now have a best friend named Billy so deal with it) and Billy comes to you and says,

“Hey, your ex just called me to ask about you.”

You are very smart so you ask for the details of the interaction and you find out that your ex has asked a lot of different things ranging from,

  • How you are.
  • If you are seeing anyone.
  • If you have asked about her.
  • Why you haven’t contacted her yet.

The question you are probably wondering is why is this such a good sign?

Well, all of the questions I mentioned above may seem little to you but for her to actually take a risk and turn to your best friend for answers it means they are bugging her a lot. Why are they bugging her? Because she is beginning to realize that life kind of sucks without you.

Honeymoon Phase Repeat Demonstrates Your Ex Girlfriend Is Getting Sweet On You Again!


You know what the honeymoon phase in a relationship is right?  I bet you didn’t know that it can be repeated and when that happens, it demonstrates that your ex girlfriend is getting sweet on you again.  If this starts to happen, then you can be assured she wants you back.  But you will need to make sure you don’t over play your hand.

This whole business of your ex girlfriend saying and acting sweet is aptly named the honeymoon phase for good reason.

Just to be sure we are on the same page in the event you have never heard the term before, then allow me to educate you.

At the beginning of a relationship there is always a honeymoon phase. It’s this phase where the two of you go out of your way to do nice things for each other. You can’t keep your hands off one another. You are constantly kissing, holding hands and it seems like the entire world just stops and becomes your personal playground.

Does this feeling last forever?

Usually it doesn’t.

You see, during the honeymoon phase of a relationship it is easy to overlook the flaws of your significant other. You are in the middle of one of the most exciting moments of your life (the HP) and you don’t care about trivial things like flaws or problems.

Of course, when the honeymoon phase begins to lose its luster you start noticing those flaws and they start bugging you.

Fights ensue..

Objects are thrown…

You get the picture.

Some couples can communicate through the small flaws and problems that creep up during a relationship. Some couples can’t.

Sorry to tell you but you were one of the couples that couldn’t.

I am not trying to upset you at all by saying this. In fact, all I am trying to say is that you and your ex girlfriend have probably already gone through the honeymoon phase before. I want you to keep that in mind for what I am about to say next.

What Is The Honeymoon Phase Repeat?

Lets do some role playing for a minute here.

Lets say that you come to this site, read my amazing advice 😉 and manage to get on really good terms with your ex girlfriend. You haven’t quite gotten her back yet but you can tell things are progressing towards that outcome.

Then you begin to notice something really interesting. You begin to notice that your ex girlfriend is acting like she did during the honeymoon phase with you.

She is going out of her way to do nice things for you. She is acting all sweet. She is texting you frequently and saying things like,

“I miss you so much I can’t wait to see you again.”

This is a really good sign because it means for her the honeymoon phase is beginning to repeat itself.

And you know what that means?

Reconciliation is very close.


Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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281 Comments on "How To Know If Your Ex Girlfriend Wants You Back"

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Hey there. Could use an opinion. My gf and I broke up two months ago now. Our relationship was great from my perspective. We dated for almost two years. Didn’t really fight much. Had the same beliefs and values. Etc. Etc. She started having doubts one day. And we were open and talked about them regularly for about two months. I tried to give her space. I tried to reassure her. Every relationship has doubts right? They didn’t go away. So she ended up leaving. The gist was 99 percent of the time everything was great. But it was the… Read more »

I probably should have started by saying insightful article! As always.

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Keagan,

Her texts are during this two months?

Yeah they were all in the past two months. Yes. Two days ago, she texted me that she missed me again. And wished we could do it over. So I bit, yesterday morning I broke nc and met up with her for coffee. Had a nice chocolate chip muffin. Pretended like I wasn’t watching my carb intake. She went on about how much she missed me and thought about me all the time. And she still wears my clothes to bed. And she was sorry. She told me she kept them close-ended for a reason. She “couldn’t handle if I… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Ok, you should start slowly building rapport after that

Hi! I enjoyed reading the article and was looking for some guidance. My girlfriend broke up with me about 5 months ago, it was not a bad breakup, she just felt like we were not on the same page. Of course, I felt differently but really did not have much to say at the time, I was pretty hurt and angry, anyway we went our separate ways. She just reached out to me last week after 5 months saying she wanted to say hi for a while but was not sure if she should. I did reply to her and… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

It would be better not to assume she still has feelings


I am sorry, I am just curious. Why would it be better to assume that she does not have feelings?

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Oh sorry, I didn’t elaborate. Because that would make you approach her like a stranger that you would want to attract. When you know the person doesn’t know you or has no interest in you, you don’t expect them to reciprocate your feelings right away. You build up rapport and attraction first.

I broke up with my ex about a month and a half or so ago. We had a lot of contact for the first half of the month then i moved into the NC stage hoping something would work. I walked by her in at the library, and she texted me immediately asking if we could talk. She seems to care a ton about me still, but she is still pushing the take some time to work on ourselves idea. I forgot to tell her something after she left the library, so i texted her and had a small conversation… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jake,

she probably fell out of love or that she doesn’t feel there’s attraction anymore.. So, she opted for a time off..

Mikael Atnafe
Hey Chris, Im a junior in high school and my girlfriend broke up with me about a week ago. I havent seen her since because we’re on break but we go to the same school. She claimed that she broke up with me because I dont show her “love or affection” and that also she was stressing in the relationship , she also said she “doesnt care”. The night we broke up she told me that she adores me and that its really hard for her, but shes doing this for our own good. I called her a few days… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mikael,

looks like she is making you jealous. if that’s the case there’s a chance and you did the right thing of not chasing her.. do you want to try the no contact rule?


my gf saw an inappropriate text accidently sent to my phon. she became furious and broke up with me after 8 years. we would still talk daily but she would remind me that we were not together. she began a fling and kept it from me. a physical fling she labeled “chemistry”, i stop by 1 night she said she was at her moms to check on the house and they were making love. When she realized i was there she hasnt responded to any texts or calls in a week. What is she dealing with?


Hi Chris,my ex boyfriend broke up with me because I was seeing another guy.I loved him so so much then even though I was seeing someone else. After some month he came unannounced and accused me of contacting his new girlfriend, I left bittered and heartbroken because I never did. Recently he called and stay very long on phone talking to me,he also came by to see me but never mentioned wanting me back.what should I do,I still love him.

i have a question about this: About a month ago my ex girlfriend broke up with me and asked to stay friends. ever since we have pretty much been talking every day, asking each other how our days went and such. We were in a long distance relationship, in different countries, wich was the reason for her breaking up, because she lost her interest in having to talk to me over a distance and not in person. Lately i have noticed that i was the one that was initiating all the conversations. so i decided that a few days ago,… Read more »

We were together for almost 2 years, and meeting up from time to time. there were no problems in our relationship, no discussion, no fights, just positive feelings. just the distance that seemed a problem for her. i did tell her that i wanted to fight for her, but if she doesnt feel anything at the moment, i dont know what to do. i still want her back, so whenever i text her, i try to spark something by making her laugh or sometimes flirt with her.

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jonas,

it’s more likely that she wants you to get accustomed now to not talking to her so, you can move on.. YOu should read this: The Ultimate Guide To Getting A Long Distance Relationship Ex Girlfriend Back

I was in a bad marriage for 8 years, and i started talking to a woman and it was because of her i finally was able to leave my ex. I never intended for the relationship to last, but 2 years later we were still together. She was pressuring me to move in together at this point, and i haven’t been single in 10 years to really see what i wanted. I broke up with her and it was a really hard thing to do, she really loved me, but i felt i needed to know if she was truly… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ron,

it’s a good sign that she wants to talk to you that long.. what you just need to avoid is to be overly available.

Thank you Amor, but i feel i have messed up since i wrote my initial message. She lives an hour north of me, and i had to take my son to the airport, so i couldn’t resist and showed up at her house. Her new bf answered the door, and we were cordial. She came outside and talked to me. lots of things were said and she asked me what did i want her to do. I said come back. I also told her i know you still love and miss me and she started blushing and smiling. She texted… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

well that’s a good sign.. that means she’s still attracted

Hi there, I could really use some advice and help in a relationship. I have known a woman -Josephine, for about five years off and on now and I believe that I am in love with her and truly care for her and her family very much. Problem is that we are in a long distance relation. We have recently connected last year and been communicating for the last few months, but I am not sure how she really feels about me. I recently flew out to see her and everything was wonderful being with her two children and her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ajt,

you did nc for 21 days, and then you started texring again but then it’s not progressing? or you’re upset because she keeps saying she’s busy but she’s online all the time?

Hi there. I first was going to do the NC for 30 days, but was very surprised when she texted me at 15 days and then called me at 21 days. I honestly thought she would not because, I think that she doesn’t think about me. And yes to tell you the truth I do get upset when she keeps saying that she is busy, but is online all the time. We used to talk everyday and text back and fourth everyday several times. We would be online with each for as long as we could talk; 30 mins, 1… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

well all you cam do right now is work on what you’ve got.. rebuild rapport with her and make it worth it every time you talk.. set aside that she’s online all the time because if you point that out, it would push her away


Thank you very much for assisting me and giving me advice.
I hope it works out.
Take care and much thanks again for your wisdom.


I need help please!!!
My girlfriend just broke up with me after a 7 month – relationship. I admit to my insensitivity cause I just didn’t read the signs of what she wanted in a relationship. She just got back with her ex who took her maidenhead. We never had sex, though we had kisses. Please help me. I just love her irrespectively. Please help me win her back. Please help me.

EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Joey,

When did you broke up? and when was the last time you reached out to her?

Hey Chris Before I go into my situation I’d like to say that I am in fact a bit young (17 in fact, 18 in a few months) and the situation that I’m currently in is a bit… Unique. You see, my ex and I (we’re both still in highschool. She’s a junior and I’m a senior) have officially been broken up for about a year now (it was last year January). During the breakup I was very needy, begging for a second chance. But as you can guess, I failed. After that I didn’t try to text her or… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

If you’re physical then she’s attracted to you. Up your game give her sweet good memories even if you get nothing in return now because that will act as an investment. If she didn’t still want to get back after that, distance on being sweet a little and then remain contact even after graduation

My ex and I broke up about 5 or six weeks ago. I started off very needy in the breakup and then proceeded to NC for about a week. Her mom started contacting me and urged me to get in contact with her. We got together a few times including one semi romantic date but she refused to kiss me. She got me a very lame christmas gift and was a little cold at the Christmas party, she pushed my hand away from the small of her back, but then let me put my arm around her later. I got… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Dave,
sorry for the late reply. DId you continue NC? How did it go?

Hey Chris , So its been 2 months since me and my Girlfriend Broke up. I recently moved to nc because i told her i was going to straighten out my Life for our kids and start working ect . Alright we wasnt in good terms for a while but now where starting to talk alot more often , i do call her by her petname and she also calls me by my petname for time to time , so shes asking me that i should go out to new york to come for my daughters Birthday to spend some… Read more »

Hi chris my ex split up with me 2 weeks ago now and I finally got the reasoning from her and it was all because I was controlling and not supportive enough through tuff times, I’m glad I know this now as I’m already taking steps to fix this, we’re currently texting all day and phone calls more than when we were together, all the signs are there but she says she loves me but not how I love her and she doesn’t see the same future as I do apparently? Any ideas,?

chris i nd my ex have been through a lot like:in our university there is a man that saw us almost kissing and there is another lecturer that is asking her out so she reported to her parents and bla bla bla so the first lecturer that saw us together lied to her parents that she is already deflowered so they went for test but he was proved wrong so i think because of the stress and so on so she said she is not more interested nd like two days before dat she nw walks with a guy that… Read more »
so my gf and i were together for 3 years in a long distance relationship. basically we broke up over some silly arguments . its been 4 months since the breakup and during this time ., i literally begged her to stay ., then she went with another guy.,and then i called her a couple times argued and then left her., ., but recently i contacted her and she broke up with him ., but said she likes another guy ., but likes me to ., so i told her i cant be an option and i rather be alone… Read more »

i live in guyana., and im an engineering student so i dont have a way of buying your book., but would be grateful for some advise., and please excuse the grammar.,

hey Chris, so my ex girlfriend and I broke up a month ago I went into no contact recently. However I was seeing a girl before going into no contact that’s why I didn’t do it immediately. So what happened last week I got whatsapp the texting app on my phone, I saw my ex was using it too but I didn’t contact her through it, yesterday I tweeted that I got whatsapp so my other friends can reach me on there, now today I noticed my exs avatar changed to a picture of her and it also showed the… Read more »
Hi Chris, What should I do if my gf did show these signs initially (flirtatious behavior, friendly texts, and pet names) but I was too naive to notice? What happens if I pushed her away during this time, had a NC period of 1 month, texted her to talk and then had an hour and a half long convo after which she says she’s too busy with work to be in a relationship? Did I ruin my handed with her? She responds to my text and is very cold. When we talked on the phone, she mentioned how trust needs… Read more »

It’s been 2 weeks and I still don’t have my book. Does it really take that long to ship a book?

I did break up with my girlfriend for one months .then as time goes by I did go back to her and ask her to come back to me so that we can start over and make the things right as the our first days .But she ended up ignoring me and say she’s now have someone who’s loving her. so it was like 2 little 2 late for me. I did try my best to convince her in order to get her back. But she only showd not interest anymore. since the time my heart start to recover these… Read more »

My ex is 4 1/2 months pregnant. I went a month no contact. She contacted me through Facebook msg and she said I was welcomed to the anatomy gender sonogram. What do I do when I first see her again.?

Hi Chris, I recently broke up with my ex GF for a couple of reasons (Mainly as I felt she was playing Games). I ended it with her and proceeded to NC (4 days in so far) to make her realise if she wants to be with me she needs to stop with these games. So far it has driven her crazy and she has text me over 7 times, saying things like “You ended it” “I really Liked you” “Your showing your true colours” “How can you be like this” “Your being so horrible”. I have had to reply… Read more »
Hey Chris, great article. I’ve read a lot of your work, and I’m pretty impressed how much all your work has helped me thus. But my question is short and doesn’t need much time to answer (I hope not). My ex broke up with me about a month ago, not sure the exact date however I think it June 15 of this year and we have been dating for 3 years prior, I sinned and begged for her back but I found out that was wrong after reading your rules about no contact. So, I’ve been pretty good not contacting… Read more »

yeah I texted her regarding the first time we hung out before we began dating, however since then I haven’t gotten a response and am following your rule by not contacting her for seven days. But I do feel like I should restart the nc period at the same time I read that the more you do it the less of an effect it’ll have. What do you think my next steps should be?

hey chris my gf broke up with me on jan 2015 we were in long distance in vaccation i used to come meet her, she broke up with me saying dat m nt gving her time nd she calls me with a gap of a week last she called me on 28 may and i called her on 2nd june..we were in a 2 yr relationship..she calls and cries smetimes and regret her decision, says sorry even she is nw with a new bf..we had fights bt i knw dat she loved me more then i dad is… Read more »
Hi Chris, just needed a small help from you. I hope you’ll help me out with this. Me and my ex, we broke up 3 years back. She had a boyfriend a year ago but now she’s single again. I am in a very good relation with her elder sister and family. Day before yesterday i just got a text from her saying “Hey can we just forget whatever happened in the past and start new from now itself?”. I just replied with yes. Now i’m in a fix coz i don’t know what does this “start new” means. Please… Read more »

Hi Chris, please reply to my message and help me out. Waiting..

Hey Chris – can you clarify on “she alludes to a future without you” under the sign where she speaks about your current relationship? My ex does seem to like to bring up our break up, as well as emphasize how’s he can’t imagine getting back together with me (yet she does exhibit the touches, text messages first and often, and text messages back quick and long). We had a great relationship, but were too dependent on each other at times, with our breakup being driven mostly by her wanting to demonstrate and prove that she is independent. I’ve told… Read more »

Hey Chris,

My comments are not being posted, I hate to flood the page like this, Please help me, Please!


Hey Chris,

My previous comment was not posted or something. I ask again, How do you get back an ex, who wants to be friends, who admits her feelings, but is stubborn and does not want to get back because of some past memories/habits. How do you stop an ex from suppressing her feelings. How do you get with a person, who is just finding reasons to not be with you?

Please help.



Hey Chris,

Thanks for the reply! Can you elaborate more on how to influence her. Things were getting better between us, but they she took down all our photos/posts and all from social media. I kind of felt sick in the stomach after that, especially since I saw progress. I have mentioned details as you asked in my other post below. Every time I do not talk much, she reaches out, but these games are really taking a toll on me. Its on and off and on and off again and again. Please provide any guidance possible. Thanks!

Hi I went on 3 dates with a girl from work, we were moving slowly, held hands and a few kisses on the cheeks. I tried to speed it up but she got cold feet. She asked me why did i want to keep meeting up and i said that i liked her and one nite we were out with work and one or two noticed chemistry between us, in fact one girl said that she definately liked me and offered to set me up. Since we stopped dating i haven’t emailed her or texted, just given her space as… Read more »
Hey Chris, How do you get back with an ex, who admits her feelings but finds reasons to stay away.. She’s stubborn.. She wants to be friends, and she cannot spend a couple of days without having heard back from me. I have gone through all your articles are understood where I was wrong in my relationship and what I should be doing now. I even did the no contact and she texted first and after then it has been a bit better in terms of us talking, but I think I am stuck in a loophole here. What do… Read more »

Hey Chris, Its been 5 days, I am doing everything I can over here, and my comments are still awaiting moderation. I could really use your help. Your work is exceptional and I think you can really help me out as you understand these things far better.

I did not break up with her, she broke up with me.. she said that we changed along the way.. she felt that we were not giving each other enough space, and we should let each other be.. she brought a lot of instances and said that she does not want to be in that state anymore.. we fought and she refused to listen.. so i let her be.. then i tried being there for her.. but i guess she felt i was being desperate.. so i initiated no contact.. ignored texts until she almost broke and we talked.. and… Read more »
Hey Chris, And, I’d like to really stress on the fact that she tells me about her day only if I ask, or else, it is just a regular “what’s going on” conversation. And each time I try to get it a little deep she just tells a few things. Like when she tells me about her day, it’s just the very upper details. But she talks using nicknames at times, and shows often that she cares. Also, this has been a long distance relationship for a year and half, but I have been with her physically for about half… Read more »

Hey Chris,

Things are developing really fast here, and I could really use your help as soon as possible. Please guide me. Thanks

Jack Agnes
Hey Chris, I’d appreciate a little advice if you can spare it. I am 19 years old, and as unfortunate as the age gap is, my ex girlfriend is 16. i understand that we are probably at different mental stages of what we want in a relationship. We dated for about a month and a half before she broke up with me. During that time, we spent almost every day together. About a week ago, her mother had to leave to San Diego for a business trip. She was gone for five days, and during those five days, we had… Read more »
Jack Agnes
Well. I’m 19 right now, and She’s 16 until September. She texted me today and told me that I could come over tomorrow, and that I could pick my stuff up while I’m there. It was early in the morning, and here text woke me up, and I didn’t think about it before responding to here text. I said thank you and asked here how she was feeling. She said she was alright, and thanked me for asking. She said that she would let me know when I can come over tomorrow, and we haven’t really talked since then. I… Read more »
Jack Agnes

I’d really hope to get some help with this before tomorrow. Please!

Jack Agnes

Ok. Thank you. She texted me again today, asking me to come over around 6:00. She didn’t mention anything about my stuff this time, and said she wanted to wait until her mom was home for me to come over. I was wondering if that would be a good or bad sign. (she usually only has me come over after her mom is home when she wants me to stay over for a while).

Jack Agnes
Hey Chris, I just wanted to let you know that she had asked me a few times to come over to her house after we had broken up. I went into no contact for a couple of days, and I was woken up by her text asking me to come over to pick up a few of my things. I didn’t think about it before responding to her, because I was still half asleep. earlier today, she sent me a couple more texts asking me to come over, but not mentioning me picking my stuff up. I went over to… Read more »
Hey Chris. I have a situation here at hand. 2months ago my gf travelled for a vacation with her sister and cousin, she didn’t really tell me that she was taken a trip, when I asked her she said it was an impromptu journey. I was unhappy with her, and while she was there she was contacting me very little. I got really angry and when she got back I texted her that I was tired of the relationship out of anger. I didn’t mean it cause I really love her, I was just frustrated cause I was having difficulties… Read more »
Hey Chris, So my ex & I broke up a few weeks ago after dating around 2 months. Her work got super busy because a co-teacher suddenly quit which made me grow clingy & made us grow distant. Anyhow, she broke up with me via text saying we should start over again as friends and that she would call me later. But, she never ended up calling so I went into NC. I have 1 week left to reach 21 days. Anyhow, starting about a week ago, she’s been putting up a bunch of messages like “I wanna be your… Read more »
Hey chris, awsome website that really helps and makes sense. I have a question, Me and my ex work at the same job. She is bipolar but caring at the same time. She and i been together for a few months, things were perfect and she was CRAZY about me and could never keep her hands off me. She showed flirts in all ways, and she’s always wink and shout my name loud while at work to get my attention. But there were times were she showed moodiness, which lead me to walk out of her apartment politely numerous times… Read more »
Also chris, i did apologize for walking out of her apartment when she wwould not stop treating mee unfair from littlest things, like how i did not buy her a slice of pizza when i got one for myself…yea she argues over little things. And when we talk about a topic in a conversation, she randomly will say “Ok im done with this topic, i dont want to talk any further”… yea, bipolarness. But she still did not invite me back to her apartment nor got back in a relationship. However, she said she needed help moving her big t.v.… Read more »
Hey there Chris. I wanted to thank you for all the sound advice on your site. Having a place to look where an outside perspective is available when it comes to really understanding relationships is something I think everyone can benefit from. My situation is as follows: I dated my ex girlfriend for just about 4 years. She was my first love, best friend and partner. We both didn’t have the greatest group of close-knit friends to rely on so much of our time was spent with each other and that friendship was at its deepest level -talking to each… Read more »
jignesh thakkar
Plz help me plz I cant live one day without her My gf broke up with me 1 month ago I fighted with her too much she tried to know about me from my best friend that how i am and my best friend told me that . After it i called her and says if she still cares of me then why she left me then she said me that she didnt asked anything about me to my best frnd I say u also that i am open minded person and i told everything to my father and my… Read more »
Hey chris, my girlfriend of 3+ years broke up with me on March 7, 2015 over the phone. February 28th is when she told me that the love difference between us was 80/20 which means I was the 80%. So we talked about it and decided to take a break. Well it was hard to take a break if we share one room at college but we stayed in the room throughout the weekday which was from March 1-5 then spring break came and we decided that she wanted to go with the flow as in the break. Well when… Read more »
My cousin which is her best friend and lives with her said that she wants and needs her space from me to move on. Also my cousin told me that she cares and feels for me even if she doesn’t show it but doesn’t care or feels for me like she use too. What’s there to do its been 2 weeks since she talked to me and everyday she posting on twitter that everything happens for a reason…, nothing but good vibes today, boy does this suck, I feel like a teenage girl omg, did I really try eating cereal… Read more »

Also she posted respect your self to move on that doesn’t serve u, grow u or doesn’t make u happy and what does a test text mean? Also her best friend which is my cousin told me that right now the way she acts and feel there’s no hope for u right now. I’m lost and I think I lost her


Also main reason she broke up with me because she was bored

Hey Chris After one month no contact (she didn`t contact me in that time), I contacted her with a test message and got a quick answer. My problem is that next day I contacted her again but opened my feelings to her. In the first messages she was very kind in her messages telling me that she didn´t want to go back but I would always have a special place in her heart however after some texts suddenly she got very mad at me and started arguing that it was me the one that broke up with her causing her… Read more »
hi on the 1st of Feb I broke up with ma girl of 6years. I’ve been busy trying to get bk with her bt all I gt its cold should. I even make her more mad. she even promised me restraining oder against me. she told me straight in my face tat I should stay out of her life. we won’t ever date again she’s some with me. nd I agreed. yesterday I agreed tat I would stay out of her life. is it to late for me to nc now. bt for the past 6weeks we broke up we… Read more »
What’s happening Chris? So my ex-girlfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me back in august of last year. We were going through a rough patch financially for some time. Due to the stress of it all, I had lost confidence and the romance had died (Completely on me). She quickly got into a rebound relationship, which I knew would end. We were very much in love, I just didn’t make the changes. Hindsight is 20/20 of course. But, like an idiot I didn’t go NC, would always answer texts and calls. A lot of the calls were over the… Read more »

Update: After a couple days and says that “She would still like to meet up for lunch or something if I want”.


It had only been two days before she reached out. She has been pretty pissed that I won’t respond. It has been about a week as of this point. I have had 5 text, and 7 calls.

Feels weird not responding or acknowledging.

Hey well im dating my boyfriend, and last weekend we went to the bars for a friends birthday party. My boyfriend ex was their as well for a different party. His buddy was hanging with my boyfriend ex so we went over their and when we got their she given him a high-5. She’s was drunk at the time, and she started talking to me about her husband not answering her calls while he’s working. (She is a drama starter and i dont like drama when im at the bars having a great time) While she was talking to me… Read more »

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago because she didn’t feel a romantic connection. We just got back in contact a few weeks ago. I know the changes I need to make and would love to get her back. But is there any hope at this point? She’s still very friendly but pretty brief while texting.

I got back with my ex after several years apart and after she experienced other relationships. There´s a lot of history between both of us. First time we where on a 5 years relationship and this second time in a 1 year. She is a single mom of a baby, not mine but Ive been like a father to him. I went through all the pregnancy process etc. during this year. I broke up with her because of some trust issues. After breakup we kept in touch for about 1 month and she was sad about breaking up and contacted… Read more »
Hey Chris After one month no contact (she didn`t contacted me in that time), I contacted her with a test message and got a quick answer. My problem is that next day I contacted her again but opened my feelings to her. In the first messages she was very kind in her messages telling me that she didn´t want to go back but I would always have a special place in her heart however after some texts suddenly she got very mad at me and started arguing that it was me the one that broke up with her causing her… Read more »
I met a girl online and we met in December in person and I think we both liked each other. But the same week I was travelling for overseas for about a month. We texted and skyped thru this period and she could not wait for me to come back. She was ecstatic she took a day off from work the day I was coming weeks before. She was sweet and cute. Then as I get back I started a new job with long hours and she had a very busy job as well. We only met 3 times in… Read more »
Hey, I what do you think about my situation. I texted my ex with light casual conversation after a year of NC and she was fairly negative. After 2 days, she apologized for being so negative and we talked here and there for the next 2 months. Then one day we were texting throughout the day until late at night, she had gone out drinking (she was not drunk). She ended up coming over and we had sex. Turns out she and her bf broke up because she was not at all invested in the relationship. Now, mind you my… Read more »

Because she had a new boyfriend and I was still a bit angry myself so I was dating a bit. I did text her in September. she told my sister to tell me she had a boyfriend and not to text, she didn’t reply until Thanksgiving. Then we stayed talking here and there in December.

Chris, I recently broke up my girlfriend of 4.5 years. We were in the honeymoon period for around 2 years then after her serious car accident I started to change and become grumpy, ignorant etc.. She caught me driving and staring at other girls and had all the reason to be upset. Im quite a sarcastic person and she takes things personally and seriously. I went as far as pinching her, telling her we need to work out etc, (all of these things i wish i never said or did because she has a great body) I wasn’t doing well… Read more »
Paul again
Good day Chris. You have been wonderful to us all. So my ex calls me on day 15 of NC twice, I refuse to pick the call. She then send a text which read “happy New month dear..guess you don’t want to talk to me.have a lovely day xx”. Today is day 17 of NC and I’ve been thrown off balance again because I really miss her but a lot more stable than when NC stated so I have stuck to my guns of maintaining NC. We then have the 3 sign rule, but I’m still in NC; can I… Read more »
Hey Chris, Maybe you can help me read the mind of this woman. After 2 years and 8 months, my girlfriend ended it a couple weeks back. Thing is, she gave me fair warning in November, to get my act together – get studying, get off the couch, do something! Since then, I’ve done exactly what she asked, along with improving my self confidence by leaps and bounds. I got out more, I just a technical certification that I studied hard for (at her request), etc. But she ended it anyway (too little, too late) She told me she was… Read more »

And might I add… although she changed her Facebook picture from one of us, to just her – her relationship status remains unchanged. Just an after-thought.

She’s been in Houston on business, and texted me a few times. My replies have been short and dismissive. This morning she texted saying she misses me. But she comes back tomorrow.. and living together makes NC impossible. Also, she’s from Michigan. All her family and friends know about this “amazing guy” she found. I think her status remains unchanged to save face; like I said, she doesn’t want anyone to think she was wrong. So no NC; we both agreed it would be financially disastrous for both of us if one us moved out..
Hi Chris, i have proposed to my gf on 14feb 2012 and from that time we always be together and made a lot of fun and then we broke up on 4 oct 2014 and then we follow no contact rule and she come again in relationship after 20days and then every thing was going normal and on 25th december i saw her with a guy and i slaped to her then from that day she was upset with me and after that i tried to insist her but she not ready to talk me and then again i start… Read more »
Just emailed you and saw you’d reply quicker on here. Disregard that email. Bro, it’s been 4months since I broke it off due to being negatively and emotionally unstable; i was confused by many things happening in my life and that made me bitter. I pushed her away in September after she confronted me in her room by telling me she was not feeling satisfied with me and the relationship the last couple of weeks that month. I obviously being insecure panicked and went home only to break it off over the phone in fear of being dumped; not sure… Read more »

Definitely will continue working on myself. Thanks for the quick feedback. I have no issues meeting other women and expect to have many more dates coming my way but how should I go about things with her post NC besides just play it cool?

Yeah I just read the text messaging post. Very insightful, that’s actually a lost art for me ever since I became stronger at attracting women in person. I don’t even recall having that form of communication with my ex. Definitely will flip the script on her with it. Now, I must ask on your opinion on the next couple of weeks. I just started a new job, might grab another, also plan to start working out effectively again, also traveling this month for business. Basically a lot of change coming, also in my character, and I will be displaying this… Read more »

I agree. So going forward I’ll follow your texting guide as far as communication goes post NC. Thanks for the direction. I’ll keep you updated. If she reaches out to me within NC however, am I just ignoring? Need some clarity there.


Also, what would be best. Apologizing when she’s interested and ready to reconcile or when the opportunity I see/contact her on a positive note?


Cool. Thanks. Just to confirm then, Apologizing should occur after the texting>calling>dating? Or next opportunity I get?

what’s up Chris just read your text messaging page like 100 times, very insightful stuff. Feel like my texting game needed that refresher course. So my 21 day NC period ended two days ago, i didn’t contact her once and have been pretty active on social media due to my business trip to North Carolina. i texted her about a TV series we used to watch and how it reminded me of her. You know, just trying to get a positive reply. It resulted in no reply and that’s cool, building trust isn’t going to be easy. The next day… Read more »
Cool thanks for the direction. Now quick question, both my ex and my circle of friends are very mutual. Last night she stopped by my job by coincidence, and once again sought my attention after i directed her to the drive thru window. i had my buddy help her out but she continued with hissing and me pssstin’ at me. during these type of encounters i like to not give her much of time so i just smiled, said whats up, teased her a bit on how shes causing traffic congestion in my drive thru. She insisted in sticking around… Read more »

Also Chris. Just want to take a second to appreciate the time you take to get back to all of our posts. I know you have a million other things on your agenda and still you make time to handle our drama haha. you have a good heart bro.

Thanks Chris. I’m just excited for the changes happening this year and what lies ahead if I work hard. One last question before I update you in a few days… Today marks the end of my 7 day NC. I read on the suggestion of sending the “I have to tell you something…” Text but honestly have no clue what I’d send afterwards. I’m thinking of asking for a favour to help me with a sales presentation by letting me present to her but Am I even in a position to suggest meeting at this point? What would be a… Read more »
Just a quick update, today is Monday 3/2 and I just sent out that “I have to tell you something…” text after an 8 day NC. she STILL insists not replying yet is comfortable with replying to my picture message earlier. 3 day NC is the next step. i really have no clue what she’s been up to since the breakup last year at the end of September. And although it seems like the odds are against me…. All I want is to reconcile and honestly, when the time is right, Have her hear me out on what truly happened… Read more »
Just a final thought since this just came to mind. What if next spontaneous encounter I just suggest hanging out aka hooking up? Shouldn’t sex spark emotions she probably wants to feel anyway? At the end of the day… I could make it seem like I don’t want her unless it’s the whole friend, lover, and gf package and NC till she reaches out. But how effective will that truly be? If she’s not responding to protect her heart from being hurt again then wouldn’t sex be a foot in the door since she may be more receptive to something… Read more »
Hi, Chris. Sorry about the emotional rant spam from a few days back. Just a Re-cap, After my 21 day NC ended i reached out via text but received no response. The next night She appeared at my job to buy something from a buddy of mine and went out of her way to get my attention… i handled that like a ninja. I went NC for 7 days and tried again. No response was received.I tried again at 3 days. No response was received. Now going back into 21 days. I’m thinking she may be NC me back… how… Read more »

Hi Chris. Just an update. I’m about 7 days into my second 21 day NC. I received no response after my initial 21 day, then 7 day, and final 3 day NC. After this 21 day NC I plan to text something but if I receive no response then what’s my next move? Should I suggest us getting together to hang out via text or in person?


So just to clarify, based on the article I have to handle the resistances by triggering those satisfaction emotions deep inside her. This only happens through communication. Since she’s not replying to me, maybe still resents me for the betrayal, I wait till SHE contacts me. Correct?
P.s. It’s been 5months since Ive even kissed the girl, is there a shot in this?

I’ve thought of reconsidering pursuing her since naturally I’m not a fan of chasing a women. She is young and our mindset are on different pages right now. I broke NC Friday with a FaceTime call during the time she’s usually at work. This was more of a test call to see if she’d reply later of reach out. Should I reset NC and try reaching out one final time after 21 days? Also when I see her next time in person would it make sense to ask her for a hangout? I will still be indifferent, a bit flirty… Read more »

P.S. i had coffee with a friend last night and she suggested writing a letter. stating that iv’e been reaching out, a sincere apology,then an ultimatum. i understand this gives away alot of power and is risky.. but she said something in which i could not deny. If the girl truly has moved on, then atleast i will know. however, wont this pretty much set me back from ANY future chances to rekindle or reconnect.
– confused guy

So my final 21 day NC is approaching. Looking to reach out again however like I mentioned before. A few people suggested handwriting a letter. Why I asked? Because she still has negative emotions attached to me. But I already apologized and tried to reconcile I said. Yes, but that was your emotional unnattractive self looking to get back with her they said. Write the letter. What do you think? This is the letter I worked on last night: Hey Lover! I just wanted to send a quick message and apologize for my behavior these last couple of months. I… Read more »
NC ended two days ago. I mailed the letter yesterday. switched up the content a bit from my earlier post so it’s a bit more nonchalant/platonic. I know she will be busy for two weeks working at an event BUT i am confident she will get back to me after that. Since the texts,calls, and facetime calls didn’t seem to grab her attention before then i might as well try something different with this short letter but with no expectations of course. I will be going into 21-30 days of NC and try my luck afterwards with one of those… Read more »
P.S. we broke up due to poor communication and empathy. I was blinded by how i felt with my problems and overthought things…I shut down and stopped communicating with her the very moment she presented her not being satisfied with the course of things. not sure why, but i took it SO personal that i broke up with her thinking she was targeting me and shut her out. She even insisted us not breaking up, as a matter of fact she suggested us having dinner that weekend and talking through the issues at hand. I didn’t have the courage to… Read more »
Hey Chris just an update. It’s been 3 days since i mailed that letter. No response as of yet but i am not expecting anything from her anyway. I re-downloaded a video messaging app and viewed her posts only to find her being held by her old ex boyfriend from high school wearing no shirt. i was a little bugged but relieved. It’s safe to say fully moving on from here won’t be an issue. ill just date hotter chicks now lol. However, i do love the girl and would like a quick run down on how to eventually, this… Read more »