If you are reading this then you recently went through a break up.
It is natural to want to curl up on the floor, let that beard grow out, and allow the stench to begin to build.
Now, that is a fine plan and all, but if you want your ex girlfriend back then it is not the path for you. In fact, to get this girl back (and to feel better about yourself overall) you should get started right away.
Women have developed a reputation for being complex and confusing creatures but, in reality we are not that difficult to impress.
So, Here’s What To Do
I have decided to divide this article up into two different sections,
- Attracting Your Ex During The No Contact Rule
- Attracting Your Ex After The No Contact Rule
If you don’t know what the no contact rule is then I highly suggest you read this post. But for those readers of mine who aren’t exactly up for reading a 30 minute behemoth of a post,
The No Contact Rule = A period of time where you deliberately ignore your ex to make them miss you and cultivate aspects of your personal life so that you come out the end a new man!
Now, after reading that definition you may be a bit confused and thinking,
Umm… how the heck can I build any type of attraction or make him fall in love with me if I have to ignore him?
And to that I say,
There are ways!
How to Attract Her During No Contact:
During no contact, you are obviously not going to be talking to your dream lady so you are going to have to use other means of attracting her.
The first thing to do is make sure that you avoid playing the victim.
No girl is going to be attracted to a man that acts like a helpless damsel in distress.
Instead of begging and pleading her to come back, cut her off entirely. Instead of posting sad melodramatic quotes on your Facebook page, post pictures of you out with the guys.
Make her wonder why you aren’t more upset.
Next, give her something to miss.
Your ex is going to be watching you from afar, just to see how you are doing. You don’t want her to poke into your social media and realize that she doesn’t regret ending the relationship, you want to make her miss you. Begin by starting to work on your physique.
This doesn’t mean that you need to lift weight five days a week (although if you want to pick up that habit, great!) but start going for a daily walk, then advance it to a daily run. Keep progressing to better your physical health. Not only will this be good for you but it will make you more desirable.
(I am very into “The Mask” today for some reason)
Post online about your small victories, for example if you always told her you wanted to run a marathon but never did it and decided to enter one and survived, then post about it!
Along the same lines make sure that you are always looking your best whenever you post anything.
This means no pajama pics.
Or the absolute worst douchey pics,
For an added bonus try to look and dress your best at all times in case you should run into your ex while out running errands.
Next you are going to want to make sure that you keep yourself busy.
Go to new restaurants, take classes in hobbies that you’ve always wanted to try.
Go out with old friends and make some new ones. Join a sports league for fun. While it’s okay to go out to bars and clubs every now and then, you don’t want to give off the impression that you are covering pain from the break up with alcohol.
Only post pictures of yourself out with friends at those places if you know that you’re looking your best and not like a sloppy mess. Keeping yourself busy will not only keep your mind off your ex, it will make her impressed by the life that you are embracing.
With, while you are out living life and enjoying it to the fullest, you are likely to meet new women.
Do not be shy about going out on dates (but do be safe). You want to try to avoid posting pictures that are too forward. No woman is going to find snapchat videos of you grinding against random strangers attractive.
However, posting a quick picture of you at lunch with two table settings will have her wondering who exactly you are out with. If you begin to develop an emotional connection with another girl don’t be afraid to run with it. The universe works in mysterious ways and while you are pining after your ex now you may find that someone better comes along while you are working on yourself.
If you project positivity on your social media during no contact you will not only feel better about yourself but will keep your ex interested in keeping tabs on you. But no contact does not last forever. So, what do you do when it’s time to initiate the texting phase?
How To Attract Her After No Contact
One thing that women love is to feel as though they are listened to.
Make her feel as though you listened to her
If there was some small thing that your ex mentioned in the past use it to your advantage. If she told you once that she’s always wanted to go a certain restaurant send her a “you’ll never guess where I just ate!” text and then use that restaurant to start a conversation.
This can be anything: if she mentioned that she loves orchids use those; if she once talked about how she’s always wanted a terrier mix to send her a picture of a terrier you saw on the side walk.
This will not only get her interest but show her that you were paying attention during your time together.
Protip: Don’t explicitly say “I remember you mentioning once that you liked this.” Just mention whatever it is say, “It made me think of you.” And end the conversation on a high point.
Once the initial contact text is out the way the door is open (you can learn more about the texting rules here)
You don’t want to appear desperate or smother her. Follow the recommendations for texting schedules from EGR. Women are not attracted to weakness so ensure that you maintain confidence but be cautious not to come off as arrogant or cocky.
Your ex may test your confidence by mentioning her current dating life or bringing up old wounds.
Maintain composure and try to redirect the conversation. Women will sometimes try to push buttons or start arguments as a way of maintaining their emotions. If she is feeling attracted to you she may do this to try and pull away.
Handling it properly will result in her attraction increasing.
Utilize the reason that she broke up with you to get her back.
If your ex ended the relationship because you were unwilling to spend time with her friends find a way to work into the conversation that you would be interested in spending time with them.
For example, “There’s this great new park in town, maybe you, me, Amanda, and John could check it out sometime!” or “I found this ice cream place that I think you and Cindy would love, maybe I can show you guys sometime!”
Whatever the reason for the breakup, show that you have overcome it.
However, make sure that you are realistic and true to yourself. If the reason for the break up was that you were unwilling to commit to marriage don’t hint that you would be willing to tie the knot unless you truly feel as though you are willing to do so.
Some people say that if you can make a girl laugh you can do anything. This might not be entirely true but getting a girl to laugh is a fabulous first step in getting your ex back into your life. Ensure that your initial texting conversations are bright and light.
End all your conversations at a high point.
If you know that you have made her laugh or at least feel good about herself cut the conversation short. She will be left on a high and will associate that feeling with you. Opposingly if you have a great conversation but drag it out too long and allow it to grow stale she will become bored and won’t be as excited to talk to you again at another time.
What if you have made mistakes that led to the break up? If your ex is willing to talk to you in the first place this is a good first step and indicates that she has forgiven you or is open to forgiveness.
During the initial texting phase, you don’t want to enter into any serious, relationship discussions. However, once you have rebuilt report and are talking to your ex openly and frequently it is a good idea to take responsibility for whatever mistakes you may have made in the past.
Don’t drag it out and don’t make excuses. Be straightforward and claim the mistakes as yours.
For example, “Listen Mandy, I just wanted to take a chance to apologize for eating the last cheese stick that one time. It was wrong of me and I see that now.”
Obviously, whatever your mistake was, it was probably more serious than consuming dairy but you get the point.
Try not to dwell on the subject and make sure that the conversation ends on a high note (make her laugh).
Social media can continue to be used to your benefit during this stage.
Women want to feel desired and beautiful. If she posts a picture on social media be sure to like it. If she posts one on Facebook and it already has a large number of likes either react with a “love” reaction or leave a quick comment letting her know that you think she looks beautiful.
Do not react to every single post or picture that she uploads as you don’t want her to get too accustomed to it or think that you are constantly stalking her page.
If she has an Instagram tagging her in a meme every now and then and saying that it made you think of her will show that you think of her on your own throughout the day.
Again, do not do this too often or she will get irritated and it will lose its effectiveness.
Build attraction without making her feel cheap.
Do not try flirting right away but once you have built a solid base give it a try.
Some men tend to be a little too straight forward with sex and this can make a girl feel like this is all you want from her which will cause her to pull back from you.
However, telling her that you love the picture she posted earlier and think she looked great in it will open the door for her to advance the conversation.
Judge her reactions and make sure not to push it too far. Girls like feeling that they can tease a guy as well. If she does this it is a good sign so try not to get frustrated with her.
Make sure that you give her space to continue to be herself. There may be some days that she just wants to hang out with her friends and doesn’t really feel like talking to you. Don’t be the guy who sends fifteen “I guess you don’t want to talk to me” texts. This will lead to her pulling away.
Plus, she will likely show her friends your texts and they will all talk about how desperate you are. No one wins in that situation. So, let her do her own thing and take that time to go out with your own friends or work on yourself.
Similar to this point don’t get comfortable and stop working on yourself.
Treat every conversation and every day like it is still the beginning of the re-attraction phase. Continue to go to the gym and spend time on your hobbies and with your friends. It’s easy to fall back into the same patterns and routines that you had with your ex prior to breaking up with your ex.
However, if things go back to the same way that they were before you are likely to experience the same problems that you had back and the relationship will not be able to redevelop or grow. Treat this as a completely new relationship.
Remember that women are not complex creatures. When it comes down to it we want to feel respected and desired. We want to laugh and feel appreciated.
If you can make her feel these things while showing her that you have grown and are continuing to grow, you will have no trouble re-attracting her into your life.
(This article was written by Elphie Upland)