You’re probably asking yourself how in the world am I supposed to do this? You don’t want to come off as desperate, needy, or…..eek!
Well, guys…I’m here to help you!
Now, I cannot guarantee that the advice I’m about to share with you will 100% get your ex girlfriend back, but what I can tell you is that your chances of reconnecting with her after reading this article and applying the advice I’m about to give you will increase your chances significantly!
In this article I’m going to cover some key points to help you figure out the best way to reconnect with your ex girlfriend.
I surveyed 15 of my closest girl friends and some are the most stubborn women I’ve ever met (myself included). And the information I’m about to share with you would even make the coldest ice queen want to reconnect with you.
Are you ready to listen?
You’re already on the right track!
First Things First: The No Contact Rule Is ESSENTIAL
Yes, that’s right.
You are going to go complete radio silence on your ex.
It doesn’t matter if her birthday is coming up, if it’s a holiday, if she is reaching out to you or if the world is ending. Your world may be ending without her, but I repeat: You will not contact her!
If you need a quick refresher on what “no contact” is then I highly recommend reading this article.
This step is absolutely crucial to your success of reconnecting with her.
You’re probably thinking this girl doesn’t know what she’s talking about…well, I do!
I’ve experienced the No Contact Rule firsthand and have even had it used on me several times.
Let me explain to you what the NO CONTACT rule is and what it essentially is meant to accomplish.
Many people struggle with this.
A natural instinct is that you will want to reach out to your ex.
Humans crave contact.
Especially if you’re lonely and missing your ex. However…implementing the NO CONTACT rule will help in the grand scheme of RECONNECTING with your ex girlfriend. This period of radio silence will allow you and your ex to cool off after the break up.
The No Contact period can last anywhere from 21-45 days.
You can decide how much time you think you need and also consider how much time your ex will also need.
You DO NOT want to reach out to her when both of your emotions are running high. That’s only going to do more harm than good and set you back even further from your goal. Side note: She’s probably driving herself crazy and thinking to herself: “Why isn’t he reaching out to me?”
You’re already regaining control of the situation by doing absolutely nothing.
Take this time and focus on yourself. Ask yourself the important questions. What caused this break up? What do I need to work on within myself? How can I SHOW her I’ve changed? Becoming the best version of yourself is key to getting your ex back. You need to feel secure with yourself first.
After you’ve improved yourself and took back control of your emotions…which should take at LEAST 21 days. Don’t rush this process. You can finally reach out! How are you supposed to do that after all that time? Good question. You’ll need to be clever. A simple “Hey” isn’t going to cut it. “Hay” is for horses. You’re trying to reconnect with a unicorn here. You need to step up your game. And this is where the fun begins! I’m about to share with you the CORE ingredients to reconnect with your ex.
Are you ready?
Let’s do this!
The Five “C”’s to reconnect with your ex girlfriend:
Now, I enlisted the help of 15 of my girlfriends and asked each one of them what their ex would NEED to do in order to get them just on speaking terms again.
These ladies are tough.
I found that these 5 things listed above were the most common among all the women and what they NEEDED from their ex in the first place!
So pay attention!
I’m going to break down each one of these things and tell you how to strategically use them to reconnect with your ex.
Communication is a major game changer here.
You’re fresh out of No Contact so you will want to be clever when you decide to initiate first contact.
Think of the things, activities, or hobbies that your ex enjoys and try to incorporate that when reaching out the first time. Your chances of getting a response will be higher if your ex can relate to what you are saying. She may also be flattered that you thought of her and what she likes.
If she responds, keep the conversation lite and positive and make sure you end the conversation on a high note!
Another useful first contact text is using the “You will never guess what happened to me…” text.
This will have your ex wondering what happened and peak her curiosity!
But make sure you have an interesting story to follow up that statement.
“I saw a dog today.” Won’t work!
(Even if she is a must love dogs) kind of girl.
The communication doesn’t end there. This is something you will always have to work on. If how you communicated in the past with your ex wasn’t healthy then you need to work on how you communicate once you try to reconnect with her. SHOW her that you’re not the same hot tempered guy or the guy that completely shuts down when you disagree on something.
Keeping an open line with your communication and being honest with your ex (even when feelings get hurt) is the best thing. A majority of relationships end because of lack of communication or miscommunication.
Always be clear, open, and honest! Most of my friends stated that had their ex listened to how they were felling and why they were feeling how they were that a majority of their relationships would have worked out. During No Contact look inward and figure out how you communicate with others and how your ex communicates and try to work on what you can change…which is yourself!
Being able to empathize, listen, and communicate your feelings effectively will help you in this process tremendously!
Next on the list is consistency.
If you’re a Parks and Rec fan you will be familiar with this quote by my favorite fictional character, Ron Swanson.
(If only there were more guys out there like him!).
Ron says, “Never half ass two things; Whole ass one thing.”
You need to stay focused on your goal aka reconnecting with your ex.
Be consistent with your communication and SHOW consistency through your actions! If I’ve learned anything and I think I speak for 99.9% of women that we HATE wish washy.
Keeping a girl on her toes doesn’t mean being inconsistent.
You need to prove through your actions that you want her back in your life.
I’m going to share a quick story with you about my friends Kate and Pete.
Kate and Pete dated for about a year and a half. Pete will admit he did some pretty messed up stuff while dating Kate.
An example: He cheated on her and lied A LOT to cover up that major mistake. Kate ultimately forgave Pete and she tried really hard to keep the relationship going.
March rolls around and they break up.
Kate is devastated.
Pete is on the fence about the whole situation. (Typical).
So, I gave Kate a pep talk! I told her she needed to go out and have fun with her friends and to shift her focus on being the best version of herself.
No more sulking!
If we ended up seeing Pete, she would ignore him.
She did just that…..can you guess what happened?! As soon as Kate started ignoring Pete.. he crawled back to her. He even went as far as writing her a love letter!
Kate was so excited and thought that they could work on things and get back together. She felt better about herself and thought she could start new with Pete. Unfortunately, Pete had other plans.
As soon as she started reaching out to him. Pete would ignore her or make up some lame excuses as to why he couldn’t get together.
SO I told her again to ignore him.
A few days would go by of Kate giving him the silent treatment and BOOM.
Guess whose back?
I told her that he clearly is pulling her in just to push her away. He also has no clue when it comes to dating and really just wants to be in control of the situation. Inconsistency isn’t attractive and as for Kate and Pete, the saga continues.
So please, guys, for everyone’s sanity….including your own…Don’t be a PETE!
Moving right along….
Chivalry and Charm
Is chivalry really dead?
I, as an optimist, would like to think it isn’t.
I’ve had some really great guys prove to me even that it’s still alive! My most recent ex would always open the car door for me and hold my hand and while I would always say, “ I can open my own car door!” Secretly, I loved when he did that.
I think this is where relationships can take a turn for the worst.
When a guy or even a girl stops putting forth the effort to show the other person in the relationship that they are a priority or just even putting in that little extra effort to show that you value the person you’re dating….that’s when the “C” that you never want to be comes into play.
And that is complacent. Complacency is a relationship killer.
I can think off the top of my head at least 3 of my girlfriends who are in complacent relationships. They complain yet they don’t leave or they are constantly fighting with their boyfriend.
In my last relationship I grew complacent and I was the most unhappy person. My ex stopped making me a priority.
His friends, his band, and drinking all came before spending time with me.
He would show up late, blame me for nit picking, and I’ll admit when I wasn’t happy I would bring up what wasn’t making me happy and try to fix the problem. He would completely shut down. So, I decided to stop bringing things up that bothered me and ultimately stopped going to his shows and let him do his own thing.
And he’s still out there doing it. I knew that I deserved to be a priority. And that I was trying harder for our relationship than he was. If you’re in a similar situation think long and hard before jumping back into something where you can become bored or complacent.
You need to make your ex a priority put her and your “new” potential relationship with her first.
You don’t need to be extravagant with this either. Doing the little things are what matter most. Open the car door for her, take her to her favorite place, do something that she enjoys doing, but her flowers (most girls love flowers). It’s that simple. And keep doing those things!
Remember, be consistent!
Don’t be that jerk in aluminum foil. Be her knight in shining armor that she needs you to be!
Another thing you’re going to need to have for your chances to greatly increase in regard to reconnecting with your ex is Confidence.
You don’t want to be over confident where you come off as pushy or a jerk, but you’ll want to have a positive mind frame going into this.
Since my last break up I’ve really worked on myself and I exude this new found confidence.
My family, friends, random people on social media, and YES even some of my exes who I haven’t spoke to in YEARS have noticed and have started reaching out.
I just hung out with one of them a few weeks ago.
Don’t second guess yourself. Be confident in what you say to her, how you portray yourself, and keep your goal always in the back of your mind. Your ex will pick up on this new found confidence and you know what?
It will make her feel more secure!
It’s a win-win!
From the point where no contact begins you will want to have a sense of control.
You’ll need to control yourself, your emotions, your actions and ultimately that will help you control the situation when you reconnect with your ex.
After the no contact period is over you should feel as though you have a better understanding of what went wrong in the relationship, what you NEED in a future relationship, and also what you can bring to a future relationship that being with your ex or with someone new.
Next, you will want to control how you act and react to your ex. If she doesn’t respond to your initial contact attempt.
DO NOT FREAK OUT!
She just needs more time to figure out what you’ve already figured out for yourself. I will be the first to admit I used to over think and drive myself crazy. I always let my emotions get the best of me. Not anymore! If I reach out to someone whether it be an ex, a friend, a potential date and they don’t respond.
I don’t let it bother me.
I usually hear from them within a few hours and if I don’t, I usually wait a few days and reach out again. I know I keep saying be consistent, but this is where everything ties together. Even if you get ignored… be consistent and confident!
Don’t give up! I also know when to end a conversation.
This will also help you when you reconnect with your ex.
Always end the conversation first and make sure you end it on a high or positive note. Keep her wanting more. Keep her intrigued. This is how you control a conversation and in turn this will have her responding to you.
Now, I don’t want you guys to be a PETE.
Pete wanted control for all the wrong reasons and as it looks right now Pete is going to be alone for a very long time if he doesn’t get his act together.
From an outsider looking at Pete and how he treats Kate he screams INSECURE to me and probably every other one of Kate’s girlfriends.
Don’t be that guy.
Be confident and secure with yourself.
You have a lot to offer and you should be ready to prove that to your ex!
It’s The Final Countdown…
I hope that the five “C’s” that I listed for you will help you figure out yourself, what you need in a relationship, and of course get you back in good graces with your ex girlfriend. Other important things to remember during this process is be patient. It’s not called a process for nothing.
Good things take time.
My friend Mark always tells me, “Lyndsey, if it’s meant to be it will happen. Nothing good gets away.”
And he’s right. The more you let things organically happen the better the outcome.
You’ll also need to build rapport and trust again. Remind her why you can be trusted. Make her feel secure. And most importantly remind her of the reasons she fell for you in the first place.
Being friends with an ex after some time isn’t a bad thing either.
I don’t want you to become “friend zoned” but again…it takes time to rebuild things.
Forming a solid foundation of friendship will help you immensely.
So guys, practice the “Five C’s” and although I can’t guarantee you will get your ex back. I know, from an ex girlfriend stand point that if one of my exes used these tools that I would be open to communicating with them and building from there.
Good luck guys!
You got this!
Need a little more reassurance…?
As much as I don’t like bringing up my past and of course failed relationships…every time I write for Chris and his team I find myself doing a lot of self reflecting and I end up incorporating a story for the readers.
It just so happens when Chris asked me to write this article my ex from five years ago was asking me how to reconnect with a girl that had broke up with him a few months prior.
Totally weird right?
I swear, Chris and “N” must have telepathy or something.
“N” and I had a very rocky relationship.
We dated for 3 years and he cheated on me.
It gets worse.
He married the girl he was cheating on me with.
We didn’t speak for 5 years.
Then one day out of the blue….I get a phone call.
I knew who it was the moment I picked up the phone. I won’t bore you with the details, but me and “N” formed a friendship.
He was divorced and I wasn’t angry anymore.
Looking back me and “N” both agreed that we always had a solid friendship and that is what made him reach out to me. He trusted me and we both value each other as people. It’s funny, I ask him for dating advice and vice versa. Sorry for getting side tracked. Now, “N” wants his most recent ex back.
And he asked me for advice.
So, I told him exactly what I told you guys above.
He has a dinner date set up with her for next week…!
Nothing is impossible!
(This article was written by Lyndsey Houser)