It’s indeed a struggle when you break up with an ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend.
Tears will flow and you may come to believe that you will never stop crying over your ex.
If you can’t stop yourself from crying and feel like there is little that matters in life, guess what?
You need a huge wake up call!
Now I don’t want you to berate yourself for shedding some tears. It’s very normal and expected.
Nor should you think of yourself as weak. Some of the strongest people I have met in life have shed plenty of tears.
What matters is knowing when it’s time to stop and what you should do to turn your life around.
Let’s tackle a a few questions on this topic.
You need not live in despair over the breakup with your ex.
Today we are going to pose some questions, then I will offer you some solutions on what it all means and how to pull yourself from the brink of a complete meltdown.
Question 1: Why Can’t You Stop Yourself From Crying Over the Break Up With Your Ex?
In other words, what is going on with you such that you can’t pull it back together?
How is it that another person can effect you so much that you burst into tears at the mention of his or her name or a time or place you were together?
Well first of all, give yourself a break!
Just about everybody will find themselves in tears when they have been torn away from their ex.
You may think of yourself as exceptionally strong, having never experienced major crying episodes.
But if you have drawn really close to somebody in your life, particularly if it’s a long term boyfriend or girlfriend, just getting over that without feeling vulnerable is nearly impossible.
There are things we need in our lives whether we fully appreciate it or not.
We need shelter.
We need security.
And we need someone to love us and to love back. We also need social interaction and a feeling of being part of something bigger than ourselves.
If your boyfriend or girlfriend disappears from your life, then you’re going be missing some really important ingredients that keep you emotionally secure.
If you have never had a panic attack, guess what, you may very well succumb to this type of emotional meltdown.
And with it will come tears, the shakes, and a feeling of desperation.
But in many ways, when you cry, you are relieving your psyche of it’s suffering.
Tears are like a pressure relief valve.
Without them, you end up trying to hold everything in.
Do you think that is healthy over the long term?
Nope. No way.
So while it usually hurts when you find yourself crying after losing your ex. Another way of looking at it is the crying episode gives you some relief and helps you slowly rebuild your emotional fortress.
You are stronger than you think.
Question 2: Does Your Ex Even Care That You Cry Yourself To Sleep Every Night?
You know what?
It really doesn’t matter whether your ex cares or not.
The truth is that if the two of you were really close, then your ex most certainly does care about you.
But doing things to call attention to yourself or wishing that you could somehow reverse every bad thing that happened is truly a poor investment of your time.
As I said, in most cases your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend (whatever the case may be) is still connected to you, even from afar.
Very often, former partners will “mirror” each other.
If you feel sad and pour your heart out in a diary or listen to sad music or wonder around aimlessly; so too will they often feel this same way. They will mirror your actions and mood, even if you hear or see something that makes you feel otherwise.
Exes can often put on a brave face or delude themselves for awhile.
But make no mistake, if your ex even has just half a heart, they will still be “hurting” inside.
But I don’t want you dwelling on that.
Just accept that this is probably the case, then get on with your ex recovery plan, which should start with your own “personal” recovery.
Question 3: Will You Ever Get Through This Tragedy?
Or are you destined to have a sad and sorrowful life?
Lot of my clients, when confronted with a breakup, think that their world will never be the same and that they are destined to live in sadness.
You might be balling your eyes out right now. Let there be no doubt, your need to cry is real.
But you should not conclude that your life will be worse and that you are doomed to be depressed.
Actually, often the opposite is true.
As you work through the tears of a recent breakup, you should know that better times are just ahead of you.
I can’t take away your pain with some clever words or a snap of my fingers. No one can. But you can make a difference.
That’s right! You have it within you to recover from what you may perceive as an hopeless tragedy.
It may take a paradigm shift, but you can definitely raise yourself up and engage in a variety of recovery activities.
And by the way, you are not alone in trying to accomplish this.
I designed an Ex Recovery Program that is aimed at helping people deal with their breakup in a positive and constructive way, while putting their tears in the background.
So yes, you will survive the breakup with your ex.
Question 4: What Should You Do To Bring your Pain and Suffering to an end?
As I alluded to above, you need a comprehensive and sensible plan to move from feeling bad to a place where you feel healed.
Now that won’t happen overnight.
But one of the first steps you can take is to put some distance between you and your ex. If you keep trying to communicate with your ex (after the breakup), you are likely to invite more life troubles and difficult times.
That’s the last thing you need. So consider employing a period of No Contact.
This process is intended to accomplish several things. Chief among them is giving you the focus to spend quality time for “yourself”.
You want to avoid obsessing over your ex Get busy with life and usher in an all “new” you.
Take the time to get involved in new activities, new relationships, and make sure you are taking care of your physical health.
All of these things are connected.
Participating in activities like long walks, runs, cycling, aerobic exercise, yoga, and mediation are just some of the ways you can find greater balance.
Question 5: Do You Really Need To Get Your Ex Back To Overcome the Tears and Pain
The short answer is No.
If you think you do, then have already been partially swallowed up by the wrong attitude.
In fact, feeling that you must have them back in your life is going to get you into deeper state of depression.
It will also probably act against whatever efforts you have underway to carve a way back into their life, assuming that is what you want.
Trust me, you are NOT destined to cry at the mere mention of your ex’s name or when a memory of something special you did together comes a calling.
You have choices in life. And chief among them is learning that you don’t need your ex to be happy. Sure, just maybe your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend will be an important person in your life.
But it is very possible that having them in your life is the wrong long term outcome.
So part of your challenge going forward is learning to gain a greater perspective about yourself and separating your wants from your needs.
You may want your ex back, but you don’t need him (or her) back.
Your life can move forward quite nicely without your ex being by your side.
Spend some more time on my website and learn about the bigger picture of who you are and who you can be and how all the puzzle pieces of life fit together.