By Chris Seiter

Published on December 14th, 2023

When grappling with the idea that your ex-girlfriend might be hiding something, it’s essential to approach the situation with a balanced perspective, considering all possibilities and the best way to handle them otherwise you may misstep and that is the last thing you want to do in a sensitive ex reco very situation..

Here is my brief take on the topic:

Speculating that your ex-girlfriend is hiding something can stem from various reasons, like personal issues or new relationships. If you discover her secret, respect her privacy and focus on your emotional response. However, it’s also possible you’re misinterpreting her actions due to unresolved feelings. Prioritize self-reflection and avoid invasive behaviors, keeping your well-being and respectful boundaries at the forefront.

Clearly, there is much more for you to learn about how to deal with a situation where you suspect your ex is keeping something away from you.

The other day I heard from someone who was convinced that their ex was hiding something from them.  Let me share some excerpts from their message and then I will follow-up with the Game Plan I provided to help them think about this in the right way.

I think it will help you too!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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I Think My Ex Is Hiding Something – Can You Help?

“It’s about my ex-girlfriend. Yeah, I know, classic, right? We broke up about six months ago. No big drama, no cheating scandals, just two people drifting apart, or at least, that’s what I thought. But lately, I’ve been getting this nagging feeling that she’s hiding something from me.

Now, I’m not the type to stalk my ex on social media or anything. I mean, sure, I haven’t unfollowed her yet (who does that instantly, anyway?), but I’m not obsessively checking her posts either. However, I’ve noticed some things that are just… odd.

First, there’s this sudden change in her online persona. She used to be all about posting her everyday life, from her morning latte art to her late-night Netflix binges. But now? Her posts have become infrequent and vague. It’s like she’s intentionally keeping her life under wraps. And it’s not just her posts; it’s her whole online presence. She’s less active in our mutual friends’ comment sections and doesn’t seem to be as chatty as she used to be.

Then there’s this whole thing with her new friends. I mean, it’s great that she’s meeting new people, but there’s this one guy who keeps popping up in her stories. They’re always hanging out, and it’s not like I’m jealous or anything (okay, maybe a teeny tiny bit), but it’s just the way she’s so secretive about him. She’s never mentioned him before, and whenever someone asks about him in the comments, she just dodges the question.

I’ve also heard from mutual friends that she’s been acting differently. She’s always been the life of the party, but now she’s more reserved and introspective. They say she’s been turning down invitations to hang out and when she does show up, she’s often distracted and distant.

Now, I can hear you saying, “Dude, move on, she’s your ex!” And you’re right, I should. But it’s not that simple. We were together for a good chunk of time, and she was my best friend before we started dating. It’s hard not to care, you know?

But here’s the real kicker: last week, I bumped into her at the grocery store. It was the first time we’d seen each other since the breakup. I expected it to be awkward, but it was actually… nice? We chatted for a bit, laughed about a shared memory, and then she suddenly became super nervous when her phone rang. She looked at the caller ID, turned pale, and quickly said she had to go. It was so abrupt and unlike her.

This is where my mind starts doing somersaults. Is she in some kind of trouble? Is she dealing with something serious and doesn’t want anyone to know? Or am I just reading too much into things because, deep down, I’m not over her?

I mean, we all have our secrets, right? And after a breakup, you’re not really entitled to know what’s going on in your ex’s life. But this feels different. It’s like I’m watching a puzzle missing half its pieces, and the more I try to ignore it, the more curious I become.

Part of me wants to reach out, to ask if she’s okay. But then, what if I’m just being paranoid? What if she’s just living her life and I’m here, constructing conspiracy theories because I can’t let go?

It’s a weird spot to be in. On one hand, you want to respect their privacy and their new life without you. On the other, you can’t shake off the concern, especially when someone was such a big part of your life.

So, what’s the verdict? Am I just a guy who can’t move on, or is there something more going on here? Should I reach out to her, or is it better to leave things be? I’m all ears for any advice, insights, or just a virtual pat on the back.”

Are you in the same or similar situation?  If so, consider what I put together for them.  My view is that if you have an Action Plan, you chances of calming yourself down and figuring out what might really be going on and what you should do are much greater.

Here is what I outlined for the client to help them with processing all of this:

Game Plan Going Forward

Possible Reasons for Hiding Something:

  1. Personal Issues: She could be dealing with personal problems or challenges that she’s not ready to share publicly or with you.
  2. New Relationships: She might be starting a new relationship and feels it’s too early or inappropriate to share.
  3. Desire for Privacy: Post-breakup, people often reevaluate their privacy settings and might choose to share less with certain audiences, including ex-partners.
  4. Moving On: She could be distancing herself from her past, including you, as a part of moving on.

If You Find Out What She’s Hiding:

  1. Respect Her Privacy: If the information doesn’t directly affect you, it’s often best to respect her privacy.
  2. Communicate Openly: If it does affect you, approach her diplomatically for an open conversation.
  3. Reflect on Your Feelings: Discovering her secret might stir emotions. Reflect on these feelings and consider seeking support if needed.

If She’s Not Hiding Anything:

  1. Self-Reflection: Consider that your feelings might be more about your difficulty moving on than her actions.
  2. Seek Closure: Find ways to emotionally detach and gain closure, possibly through self-help or professional guidance.

What Not to Do If She Is Hiding Something:

  1. Don’t Stalk or Intrude: Respect her privacy and boundaries.
  2. Avoid Confrontations: Confronting her based on assumptions can lead to unnecessary drama.
  3. Don’t Spread Rumors: Avoid discussing your suspicions with mutual friends or on social media.
  4. Don’t Obsess Over It: Focus on your life and well-being rather than what she may or may not be hiding.

Time is Your Ally:

By all means, remember that time is on your side.  If you are still wanting her back, give her space.  Don’t press.  Work with your Coach to figure out how long you should give her some space and when you should reach out and what you should say.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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Far too many times I have seen people get so tied up in knots about what their ex is up to that they end up pushing and prying and it all ends up backfiring on them.

The Expert’s Corner: 14 FAQs on the Topic:

  1. Should I ask her directly if she’s hiding something?
    • If you maintain a friendly rapport, a direct but respectful approach can be okay, but be prepared to back off immediately and underscore to her you completely respect her right to privacy.  Otherwise, it might be best to refrain.
  2. How can I tell if she’s hiding something or just moving on?
    • Look for consistent patterns in her behavior that differ significantly from her past behavior or attitude towards you.
  3. Is it normal to feel like my ex is hiding something?
    • Post-breakup curiosity and concern are normal, but it’s essential to differentiate between genuine worry and struggling to move on.
  4. What if I’m wrong and she’s not hiding anything?
    • Acknowledge the possibility and focus on your healing process. It’s crucial to accept that her life is now separate from yours.
  5. How can I move on if I feel like there’s unfinished business?
    • Seek closure by acknowledging and expressing your feelings, possibly through journaling, talking to a friend, or therapy.
  6. Can mutual friends help me find out if she’s hiding something?
    • Involving mutual friends can complicate relationships. It’s better to avoid putting them in this position.
  7. Should I confront her new friends about my suspicions?
    • It’s not advisable to involve her friends as it can be seen as intrusive and disrespectful.
  8. How do I handle seeing her post about things that make me suspicious?
    • Consider muting or unfollowing her on social media to distance yourself from these triggers.
  9. Is it healthy to keep thinking about what she might be hiding?
    • Obsessing over what she may be hiding can hinder your emotional healing. It’s healthier to focus on your well-being.
  10. What if discovering her secret affects me deeply?
    • It’s essential to process these feelings, perhaps with the help of a counselor or therapist.
  11. How can I stop myself from over analyzing her social media?
    • Limit your social media use and engage in activities that divert your attention and build your self-esteem.
  12. Should I share my suspicions with new people I date?
    • Discussing these suspicions with new partners can be premature and might reflect unresolved feelings. Focus on the present relationship.
  13. What if she confronts me about my suspicions?
    • Be honest about your feelings but also express your respect for her privacy and autonomy.
  14. How do I ensure I don’t invade her privacy while trying to understand her actions?
    • Maintain a respectful distance and avoid actions that could be construed as prying into her personal life. Prioritize your emotional health and the process of moving forward.	

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