By Chris Seiter

Published on November 8th, 2023

Navigating the frothy aftermath of a breakup can be like walking through a maze with your eyes closed—you know there’s a way out, but you can’t see it.  Equally trying to decipher what is going on in the mind of your ex can be equally challenging. Especially when it comes to understanding your ex-girlfriend’s true feelings, things can get even more baffling.

Is she really over you, or is she masking a whirlwind of emotions behind a poker face?

Here’s how to discern if your ex-girlfriend might be hiding her true feelings post-breakup and what she might actually be thinking.

How to Tell if Your Ex-Girlfriend is Hiding Her Feelings

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1. She’s Hot and Cold

One day she’s warm—liking your social media posts or texting you about inside jokes, and the next, she’s as cold as an arctic night, leaving your messages on read or acting indifferent. This inconsistency can be a sign she’s struggling with her emotions and trying to keep them under wraps.

2. She’s Making an Effort to Show You She’s ‘Okay’

An ex who’s quick to advertise how wonderfully she’s doing, or how her social calendar is suddenly brimming with exciting activities, might be overcompensating. It’s natural to want to show an ex what they’re missing, but an over-the-top display can sometimes signify she’s trying to convince herself more than anyone else.

3. She’s Curious About Your Dating Life

If she seems overly interested in whether you’re moving on or who you might be seeing, it could mean that she’s not as detached as she appears. A genuine disinterest in your love life usually accompanies emotional closure.

4. She Makes an Effort to Stay in Touch

An ex who initiates contact for no significant reason—perhaps sending you a message to tell you a song or movie reminded her of you—might be looking for a connection. Keeping the lines of communication open could be a sign she’s not ready to let go completely.

5. She Talks About the Past

When she reminisces about the good times or brings up shared memories, she’s keeping those moments alive. It’s her way of subtly highlighting the emotional bond you once shared, which may still be important to her.

6. She Gets Jealous

Jealousy is a potent emotion and hard to conceal. If she bristles at the mention of you with someone else or seems bothered by you moving on, those hidden feelings are peeking through.

7. She’s Unnecessarily Apologetic

Post-breakup, an ex-girlfriend might reach out to apologize for things she feels she did wrong, even long after the fact. This can indicate she’s holding onto regrets and possibly feelings for you.

8. She Keeps Your Friends and Family Close

Staying connected with your social circles can be a way for her to keep a foot in the door of your life. It may also be a comfort mechanism, to keep feeling close to you without direct contact.

9. She Keeps Your Belongings

If she’s holding onto your hoodie or your favorite book without making any plans to return them, it’s not just about the objects. She could be clinging to physical reminders of you.

10. She’s Sensitive to Your Actions

A neutral reaction to your life choices is what you’d expect from an ex who’s moved on. But if she’s still emotionally invested, she might show hurt or disappointment over decisions you make that don’t include her.

11. She’s Often “Around”

Suddenly, you bump into her at the gym, the local café, or at social events she never used to attend. Coincidence? Maybe not. She might be seeking out ways to run into you, hoping to reignite a spark or simply be in your presence.

12. She Makes Meaningful Gestures

Whether it’s wishing you luck on a big presentation or sending you your favorite snack when you’re feeling down, these thoughtful actions can reveal that she still cares deeply.

13. She Hasn’t Returned Your Stuff

If it’s been a while since the breakup and she still has things that are yours, it could be more than forgetfulness. Holding onto your belongings may be her way of keeping a piece of you with her.

14. She Avoids Talking About the Breakup

An ex who dodges conversations about the reasons for the breakup or becomes visibly upset when it’s brought up might be concealing unresolved feelings.

15. She’s Not Interested in Other People

When an ex shows no interest in dating or starting new relationships, it might suggest she’s not ready to move on, possibly because she’s holding onto the hope of rekindling things with you.

16. She’s Still Protective of You

If she defends you in front of others or seems concerned for your well-being, it’s a strong indicator that she still feels connected and protective over you.

17. Her Friends Hint at It

Sometimes friends are in on the true feelings of your ex. They might drop hints or make comments that suggest she’s not as over you as she claims.

18. She’s Interested in Your Successes and Failures

An ex who’s moved on for good tends to detach from the intricacies of your life. If she’s still invested in your successes and setbacks, she probably cares more than she lets on.

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19. She’s Changed Since the Breakup

Major changes in her lifestyle or personality shortly after a breakup could indicate that she’s trying to cope with a strong emotional turmoil and may be reflecting on her feelings for you.

20. She Asks for Advice

Reaching out for advice shows she still values your opinion and trusts your judgment. This can be a way of maintaining a deeper connection with you.

21. She Opens Up About Her Feelings

If she occasionally slips and shares her emotions or how much she misses certain things about your relationship, that’s a pretty clear sign she’s not entirely over you.

22. You Just Feel It

Sometimes, you can just tell. Intuition is powerful. If you get the sense that she still has feelings, you might be picking up on subtle cues and signals that your logical mind isn’t processing.

23. She Wants to Meet Up

A desire to meet up “just as friends” might be her way of testing the waters to see if there’s still a chance for more. So don’t be fooled by the casual approach she might take.  There is a good chance there is something much more behind her friendliness.

Understanding Her Actions

It’s crucial to remember that even if your ex is exhibiting signs of hidden feelings, it doesn’t necessarily mean a reconciliation is on the cards. People often have complex reasons for not openly expressing their emotions. It’s possible she’s processing her feelings alone, she’s unsure of what she wants, or she’s simply not ready to face them.

If you suspect your ex is hiding her feelings but you’re unsure what to do, consider what you want first. Do you share those feelings? Are you open to discussing the possibility of getting back together, or have you moved on?

Proceed with empathy and caution. Communicate honestly and openly if you decide to confront the situation. Be prepared for any outcome, including the possibility that she may choose to keep her feelings hidden and move on separately.

Breaking up is hard, and the journey that follows is often filled with mixed signals and confusion. If your ex-girlfriend is hiding her feelings, it’s a delicate situation to navigate. Respect her space, but also respect your own emotional needs. Ultimately, the best course of action is one that leads to emotional health and happiness for both of you, whether together or apart.

Your Ex’s Hidden Feelings: FAQs on Deciphering Your Ex-Girlfriend’s Concealed Emotions

1. How can I be sure my ex-girlfriend is hiding her feelings and not just being friendly? It can be difficult to distinguish, but a key indicator is consistency. If her warmth seems to exceed typical friendliness or comes in unpredictable waves that align with more intimate or nostalgic interactions, it might suggest hidden feelings.

2. Is it a good idea to confront my ex about her hidden feelings? Confrontation can be intimidating and may not always yield a truthful response. Approach the conversation with care and express your observations without making assumptions. Encourage an open dialogue where she can feel safe to share.

3. Why would my ex hide her feelings instead of being open about them? She might fear rejection, be unsure of her feelings, or worry about complicating the situation. She may also be protecting herself from getting hurt again if she’s not sure how you feel.

4. Should I wait for my ex to reveal her feelings, or should I move on? This depends on your feelings. If you’re interested in reconciling and believe there’s a chance, a conversation might be worthwhile. Otherwise, focusing on moving on is a healthy choice.

5. What if my ex is sending mixed signals that are hard to interpret? Mixed signals can be frustrating. If this is the case, direct communication is often the best path. Ask her calmly about her intentions to get clarity.

6. Could my ex be hiding her feelings because she’s already seeing someone else? It’s possible. Sometimes, people jump into rebound relationships to distract themselves from their feelings about an ex. This doesn’t always mean they’re over you.

7. How long should I wait to see if my ex will reveal her true feelings? There’s no set time frame for waiting. Reflect on your emotional well-being. If waiting is causing you distress or hindering your life, it may be time to set a boundary for yourself.

8. What if my ex denies having feelings but her actions say otherwise? Actions often speak louder than words. If you sense a disconnect between what she says and what she does, she may not be ready to articulate her feelings, or she may not even fully understand them herself.

9. If my ex-girlfriend is hiding her feelings, does that mean she wants to get back together? Not necessarily. She might be nostalgic or have residual feelings that she’s working through. The presence of feelings doesn’t always mean a desire for reconciliation.	

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