By Chris Seiter

Published on November 24th, 2023

The period following a breakup can be emotionally turbulent, filled with a mix of longing, regret, and a desire to fix things. However, attempting to reunite with an ex-girlfriend immediately after the breakup is a somewhat unsettled topic.

But I have definite advice for you!  The short answer is:

Attempting to get your ex-girlfriend back immediately after a breakup is generally unadvisable. It’s crucial to first allow time for emotional healing, self-reflection, and personal growth. Rushing the process can overlook underlying issues, impeding the potential for a healthy and sustainable reconciliation. So instead of risk blowing up the relationship, pull back and allow for some space.

Let me explain my reasoning in more detail. By better understanding the pitfalls of acting too soon can get you through this challenging time and will be beneficial to you in the long run.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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Why It’s Often Unwise to Try to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back Immediately After a Breakup

1. Emotional Healing Hasn’t Occurred

After a breakup, both parties are typically in a heightened emotional state. Rushing to get back together doesn’t allow time for the necessary emotional healing and introspection. Without this healing process, the same issues are likely to resurface. Statistics show that couples who rush into reconciliation without addressing underlying problems have a high likelihood of facing the same issues again, leading to a repetitive cycle of breakups.

2. Lack of Perspective on the Relationship

The immediate aftermath of a breakup isn’t the best time to evaluate the relationship objectively. Emotions are raw, and judgment can be clouded. Studies indicate that individuals need time to gain perspective on the relationship’s strengths and weaknesses, which is essential for making informed decisions about whether a reconciliation is truly in their best interest.

3. Unresolved Issues Remain Unaddressed

Breakups often occur due to unresolved issues within the relationship. Jumping back into the relationship without addressing these issues can lead to a superficial reconciliation. According to relationship experts, successful reconciliations usually happen when both partners have taken the time to work on their issues independently.

4. Personal Growth Is Compromised

Personal growth is crucial after a breakup. It’s an opportunity to learn more about oneself, develop new interests, and grow emotionally and mentally. Immediate reconciliation can hinder this personal development, which is essential for healthier future relationships.

5. Dependency Rather Than Genuine Connection

Reuniting immediately can sometimes stem from dependency rather than a genuine connection. It’s important to distinguish between genuinely missing your partner and fearing loneliness or change. Dependencies can lead to unhealthy relationship dynamics.

6. Risk of Idealizing the Past Relationship

In the immediate aftermath of a breakup, there’s a tendency to idealize the past relationship and overlook its problematic aspects. This idealization can lead to an unrealistic expectation of what reconciliation would bring.  My experience in coaching individuals have shown that idealization of past relationships is a common reason for unsuccessful reconciliations.

7. Increased Chance of a Repeated Breakup

Statistics reveal that couples who get back together soon after breaking up have a higher likelihood of experiencing another breakup. Without taking time to address the reasons for the initial breakup, the relationship is more likely to fall into the same patterns that led to its demise.

8. Pressure and Stress on the Relationship

Trying to get back together immediately can put undue pressure on both parties. This pressure can create stress and tension, making it difficult to rebuild the relationship on a healthy foundation. Therapists often advise giving each other space to reduce this pressure and stress.

9. Neglect of Other Important Life Aspects

The immediate pursuit of reconciliation can lead to the neglect of other important aspects of life, such as friendships, career, and personal well-being. It’s crucial to maintain a balanced life post-breakup for overall emotional health.

10. False Sense of Security

Getting back together quickly can create a false sense of security. It can lead to the belief that the relationship is more stable than it actually is, masking underlying issues. My expertise has taught me that this false security can be detrimental in the long run.

11. Missed Opportunity for Reflection

The time after a breakup is a valuable period for reflection. It allows you to assess what you truly want and need in a relationship. Rushing back into the arms of your ex can mean missing out on these valuable insights.

12. Possibility of Repeating the Same Mistakes

Without taking time to understand and learn from the mistakes that led to the breakup, there’s a high probability of repeating them. This cycle can be damaging and emotionally draining for both partners.

How Long Should I Wait Before I Try To Get Her Back?

Instead of rushing to get your ex back quickly, it’s crucial to focus on personal healing and growth. This process often begins with employing the No Contact rule, a period where you intentionally avoid contacting your ex. This time is not about ignoring your ex, but rather about giving both of you the space to process the breakup and to heal. The No Contact period is critical as it helps in diminishing the immediate intense emotions and provides a clearer perspective on the relationship.

During this time, focus on the concept of the “Holy Trinity,” a strategy I advocate. This concept emphasizes the importance of balancing three key aspects of your life: health, wealth, and relationships. Health involves taking care of your physical and mental well-being, which is essential for a positive self-image and confidence. Wealth doesn’t only refer to financial status but also to personal growth and career development, contributing to a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Relationships here mean not only romantic relationships but also nurturing friendships and family ties, which provide support and a sense of belonging.

Simultaneously, it’s important to have a Game Plan, a strategic approach to eventually winning your ex back, if that remains your goal after the No Contact period. This plan should be thoughtful and tailored to your specific situation, considering the reasons for the breakup and the dynamics of your relationship.

Working with an Ex Recovery Plan or a Relationship Coach who has experience in these matters can be immensely beneficial. A professional can provide guidance, help you develop an effective strategy, and offer support and advice based on their expertise and experience with similar situations. They can assist you in navigating the emotional complexities of the breakup, offer insights on personal growth, and help you in crafting a plan that maximizes your chances of a successful reconciliation, all while ensuring that your actions and decisions are healthy and self-respecting.

In essence, the period post-breakup should be about introspection, healing, and growth. By focusing on the Holy Trinity, adhering to No Contact, and potentially working with a professional, you can emerge from this experience stronger, more self-aware, and better equipped for future relationships, whether with your ex or someone new.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

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Statistics on Reconciliation Success Rates

Regarding statistical data on the success rates of couples getting back together, various studies present a nuanced picture. While some couples do successfully reunite and go on to have lasting relationships, these cases often involve periods of separation and significant personal growth.

The chances of a successful reconciliation are generally lower for couples who rush the process without addressing the core issues.

According to some studies, as many as 50% of couples who get back together break up again within a short period. This statistic highlights the importance of taking time to address the issues that led to the initial breakup.

Additionally, it’s been found that relationships that reunite after a significant period, where both partners have had time to grow and change, tend to have higher success rates.


In summary, while the desire to reunite with an ex-girlfriend immediately post-breakup is understandable, it’s often not the wisest course of action. The emotional aftermath of a breakup requires time and space for healing, personal growth, and objective reflection.

Rushing into reconciliation can lead to a repetitive cycle of unresolved issues and emotional pain.

It’s crucial to use the post-breakup period for introspection, to address personal issues, and to understand the dynamics of the relationship fully.

This process not only facilitates healthier decisions regarding reconciliation but also contributes to personal development, ensuring better relationship patterns in the future, whether with the ex or with someone new.

The Expert’s Corner: 11 FAQs on Not Rushing To Try To Get Your Ex Back

  1. Why is it advised not to try to get my ex back immediately?
    • Immediate attempts to reconcile can be emotionally driven and not consider the deeper issues that led to the breakup. Time apart allows for emotional healing, perspective, and necessary personal growth, which are vital for a healthy reconciliation.
  2. What is the No Contact rule, and why is it important?
    • The No Contact rule involves a deliberate decision to not communicate with your ex for a set period. This time helps in healing, reduces emotional dependency, and provides space for both parties to reflect on the relationship and personal growth.
  3. Can No Contact make my ex miss me?
    • No Contact can create a sense of absence which might lead your ex to miss you. However, its primary purpose is for personal healing and should not be used as a manipulation tool.
  4. What is the ‘Holy Trinity’ concept?
    • The ‘Holy Trinity’ concept, advocated by myself, Chris Seiter, focuses on improving three key life aspects post-breakup: health (physical and mental well-being), wealth (career and personal development), and relationships (strengthening friendships and family bonds).
  5. How long should the No Contact period last?
    • The duration varies, but typically it ranges from 30 to 90 days, depending on the relationship dynamics and the depth of the issues that led to the breakup.
  6. What should I do during the No Contact period?
    • Focus on self-improvement, reflect on the relationship, engage in hobbies, exercise, socialize with friends and family, and consider professional counseling if needed.
  7. Is it okay to respond if my ex contacts me during No Contact?
  8. How do I know if I should try to get back with my ex?
    • Consider whether the issues that led to the breakup have been addressed, if there’s been personal growth on both sides, and if the desire to reunite comes from a healthy place, not fear of loneliness or comfort in familiarity.
  9. What is a Game Plan in the context of getting an ex back?
    • A Game Plan is a strategic approach to potentially winning your ex back. It includes understanding the breakup reasons, improving yourself, and creating an approach to rekindle the relationship thoughtfully and respectfully.
  10. How can a Relationship Coach help in this process?
    • A Relationship Coach provides guidance, strategies for personal growth and reconciliation, and support based on experience with similar situations. They can help navigate emotional complexities and ensure actions are conducive to healthy outcomes.
  11. What if I realize I don’t want my ex back during No Contact?
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Chris Seiter	

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