Missing an ex girlfriend is a pretty common feeling especially when you consider that there is compelling evidence to claim that the chemistry of your body is very similar to that of an addict.
A few years ago a study was published that basically claimed that when you are going through a heartbreak the part of your brain that becomes “active” is the same exact part of the brain that becomes active when a drug addict is going through withdrawal.
In other words, if you miss your ex girlfriend so much that you are crying or because it physically hurts, there is a scientific reason for why that is happening.
But you don’t care about that do you?
No, right now all you care about is probably finding a way to make the pain go away and to you, that means finding a way to win your ex back.
Well, that is what this article is here for.
First things first, let’s talk about her and if she even misses you. After all, this process becomes much more difficult if she doesn’t miss you back.
I Miss My Ex Girlfriend So Much But Does She Miss Me?
Honestly this is kind of a tough question to answer because I am so tempted to give you one of those cliche answers like,
Well, has she done X, Y or Z?
Here is what I know.
I don’t think it’s accurate to say that your ex girlfriend is going to miss you 100% of the time after a breakup. After all, there are some instances where how you acted during the breakup can have a negative impact on her thoughts of you after a breakup.
For example, let’s say that you cheated on your ex girlfriend and she caught you in the act. In this particular circumstance I am inclined to say some women are going to want nothing to do with you but I suppose that all depends on a lot of factors.
So, when men ask me,
Chris, does she even miss me?
I try to explain to them that, that is the wrong question. Instead of asking, “does she miss me” you should instead be asking, “what should I do if I want her back.”
Well, in most cases your ex is going to go through a period of time where she misses you. This period of time varies depending on what went on throughout your relationship.
I put a nifty little graphic together to kind of help you visualize what I mean,
You can see that generally a woman will begin to miss you almost immediately after a breakup until the inevitable “missing you” period ends.
The length of that period depends on a lot of different things.
- How long the two of you dated
- How you ended things
- How you were in the relationship
- Factors our of your control
So, technically speaking if you were to begin a campaign to get your ex girlfriend back you’d want it to begin during that time where she is missing you.
Now, as I was writing I ended up pausing and looking over my graphic and noticed a bit of a flaw in it that I should have mentioned before we began.
Let’s pretend that you and your ex had only been dating for 3 weeks, which isn’t a lot of time. I would say that in cases like these there is a pretty decent chance that your ex probably doesn’t miss you very much.
The graphic above is operating under the assumption that the two of you have been together for a decent amount of time.
Lets move on and talk a bit about your struggles.
If you don’t know me one thing you’ll learn about me really fast is that I am kind of a big nerd.
I like video games…
I like watching movies…
I like comic books…
See, I’m a total nerd.
Well, anytime someone comes up to me and says,
Chris, I miss my ex girlfriend so much and am struggling without her.
I can’t help but thing of one of my favorite stories of all time, Berserk.
Berserk is an interesting story in the fact that it lays a complex plot out over a dark medieval setting but the main theme of the story goes like this,
One man struggles against his predestined fate.
And I feel like that is you in a nutshell.
You are struggling against the fate of your breakup and are looking for any shred of hope to see if you can get her back.
The fact that you miss her like crazy is evidence of that.
But lets assume that you decided to take action and see what you can do about getting her back. How would that even work?
Understanding “The Confluence”
Yesterday I got an email that went a little like this,
Chris, I miss my ex girlfriend so much it hurts but I have no idea where to even start to get her back. I’m literally missing her every day and need her back
Actually, now that I think about it I get a version of this email every day.
Ok, so before I begin talking about basic “ex recovery” strategies there is something more important I need to teach you.
The amazing thing about experience in this field is it really gives you an eye for what most people struggle with when it comes to getting an ex back and to the best of my knowledge most men who are trying to get their exes back struggle with something I like to call, the confluence.
What is a confluence?
Confluence: An act or the process of merging
You see, we live in a cause and effect world and I think sometimes men forget this.
Take for example the overly ambitious man who wants his ex back.
Ultimately the desired “effect” he wants to have is to get back with his ex so he gets to work on achieving that effect but the problem is that he just completely forgets that in order to get an effect there must first be a cause.
So, instead of thinking very carefully about “the cause” he just obsesses over “making her love him again” which in his mind means annoying the hell out of her until she takes him back.
Now, here is the problem with that little scenario.
Cause (Begging/Annoying) = Effect (Her Wanting Nothing To Do With Him.)
Thinking about the cause is everything because if you want to get your ex girlfriend back then there has to be a cause and that is where the confluence comes in.
A Confluence Of Events
It is best to view us human beings as reactive creatures.
FYI: This is especially true if you miss your ex girlfriend a lot.
If we operate under the assumption that the universe unfolds based on the laws of causation, which it does, then it would make sense to say that your ex girlfriend is a reactionary creature.
She isn’t going to take a gigantic action like getting back with you without a compelling reason or “cause” to do so.
And this is where the confluence comes into play.
I’d like to submit an idea to you.
Lets pretend that the two of you break up.
However, instead of going about this breakup normally you decide to take a different approach and create a series of events that cause her to want you back.
Event 1: You Begin The No Contact Rule
Event 2: Making Her Miss You Through Text Messages
Event 3: Ending Conversations On The Phone Prematurely
Event 4: Romancing Her On A Date
All these events occur until slowly she begins to yearn for you.
Until she begins to want you back.
You see, it wasn’t just one event that made her want you back. It was a confluence of events and this confluence combined to make up her “cause.”
Ok, try this on for size.
Cause (The Confluence) = Effect (You Get Her Back)
Get it now?
You are hopeless…
No, I’m kidding.
The Problem Most Men Have With This
Let’s operate under the assumption that you understand “the confluence.” Well, simply understanding it doesn’t mean that all of your problems are gone. On the contrary, I think you can make the case that they have just began.
Creating a compelling confluence of events that actually work on your ex girlfriend is a lot more difficult than you can imagine.
After all, no two women are alike and some women will require more of a confluence than others. This is where knowing your ex really comes in handy.
But let’s assume you do know your ex.
You map out the confluence of events that needs to happen in order for you to get her back.
Even if you know what you have to do you still have to execute it.
And coming from someone who misses their ex girlfriend so much that you cry, that seems like it might be a difficult task.
Take a simple idea like the no contact rule.
Did you know that it is my estimation that 80% of men who try it end up failing it?
So, that means that 8 out of every 10 men lack the discipline to see it through to the end. I don’t know about you but to me those don’t seem like very good odds.
The Devil Is In The Details
Here is my biggest recommendation to you.
If you have bought into the idea that a confluence of events needs to happen in order to get your ex girlfriend back my best recommendation to you is map out the events that have to happen and then find some way to hold yourself accountable.
I’ll give you an example.
Since we are already hot on using the no contact rule as an example lets take that strategy.
What we need to do is find some way to ensure that there are dire consequences for you if you break the no contact rule and these consequences have to be so dire that it makes you afraid to break the no contact rule.
Maybe you have a friend check your phone every day and if he/she spots that you reached out or talked to your ex they take your phone away for a day.
That’d make me think twice before contacting an ex.
Remember, the worse the consequence the better the discipline becomes.
Tell Me More About The Confluence Of Events?
Ah, you bought into the idea of cause and effect, a basic law of the universe.
You also bought into the idea of a confluence of events.
But surely you must have questions like,
What events have to occur?
How do I know this will work?
Or my personal favorite,
I miss my ex girlfriend so much but she is with someone else, will this still work?
Ok, lets answer these fine questions from the top.
What Events Have To Occur?
Ah, well there are a lot of different things that have to occur but luckily for you I have the process already lined out in my best selling, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO so it removes any guesswork you may have about “the confluence.”
How Do I Know This Will Work?
You don’t, but I can make a pretty compelling case if you’d like me to?
Ok, so generally speaking research has shown that a person has a basic chance of 43% of getting their ex back. But this research is assuming the person is just acting normal and not using any of the strategies that I teach.
Our research has consistently beaten that number assuming the strategies were all used correctly.
Now, does that mean that you have an 80% success rate, no.
But it does mean we can improve your odds rather significantly.
Will This Work If She Is With Someone Else?
Of course, it’s just that your confluence of events needs to include a few extra things.