By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 10th, 2022

So you have been laboring through your No Contact Period wondering when you will ever get to that time when you can start actually trying to talk to your ex girlfriend.  In no way are you ready to give up on her, right?  But what on earth are you going to say to her when it’s time to re-enter her life? How do you go about opening up the communication channels with your ex?

You sure don’t want to blow this.  Clearly you will need to have a smart Get Your Ex Girlfriend Game Plan standing by ready to roll.  Well, I have news for you.  You are in good hands.  There will be no more wondering, “what can I talk about with my ex girlfriend”.

I have selected five initial contact strategies you can choose from.  That’s right.  I have come up with 5 topics you can talk about with your ex girlfriend and each of these are going to give you a darn good chance of encouraging your ex girlfriend to start up a conversation with you.

I know it an be tough to figure out how to get your girl to talk to you again.  If you haven’t first invested a few weeks of No Contact, then you need to go back to square one (see the link below).  And you sure don’t want to screw things up when it comes time to select the conversation topic that will allow you to get the ball rolling again with your ex girlfriend.

Getting It Started With No Contact

I know…you are dying to talk to her again.  But recognize that you are in this interim period in which you can’t be certain exactly what she is thinking and how she is feeling, so you will need to choose your course carefully.

For most guys, this is the toughest hurdle.  Figuring out what you can talk about with your ex can be downright frightening.  You don’t want to say the wrong thing.  You don’t want to say too little or talk too much.  And of course, there is so much you want to say.  What if you say something really stupid and she immediately puts an end to the communication?  What if you fire off some text message to her and it makes her hate you even more?

Let’s hope things are not that bad, but there is a good chance that while your ex gf may not hate you, she is probably mad as hell at you for what has happened.  And what is crazy is it doesn’t matter if you think you have taken the high road with the breakup.  It doesn’t matter whether she imitated the breakup or you dumped her.  Either way, her emotions are flying high and given how delicate this situation truly is, you want to be armed with the best strategies going forward.

So I am going to be recommending you come at her with some texting strategies at first. I would advise not calling her at first.  Don’t just show up at the door of your former girlfriend’s place and expect that it’s all going to work out.  We begin with little steps and that is where texting comes into play.  Though bear in mind, as I have discussed elsewhere on this website, you should have already observed a No Contact Period of some length before you attempt your first efforts of initial contact.

Now, even with texting you are probably worried about what you should talk about with your ex. It seems so easy at first when you think about it, right?  You figure, well, I will just say Hi and see how my ex girlfriend responds to that friendly overture.  But one word messages rarely even get you to first base.  Often you girl will just ignore you. I may just make her madder at you.  She might think, “He is clueless. How dare he just reach out and leave me a simple greeting like everything is just fine between us”.  

So what on earth do you say to your ex girlfriend to get her back to talking to you again?

Most likely, you haven’t heard peep from her.  She may still be really mad or hurt about how the whole breakup thing unfolded.  How you go about talking to your ex gf after such a long time of silence is not an easy hurdle.

You may also be wondering if I am going to show you how to start a breezy and friendly text conversation with your ex girlfriend, then how can you be sure you are not going to fall flat on your face.  Honestly, no one can assure you she will come running back into your arms if you do XYZ.  But that is the whole point of this article. There are tactics you can employ that can optimize your chances of awakening that feeling your ex still has for you. You see, there are certain windows you can open into the mind of your ex girlfriend to get the conversation rolling.  Just keep reading.

Also know that you are not the only guy out their struggling with how to get her to even respond to you.  For example, let’s hear from a few guys that are worried sick about whether they can make a dent in the wall their ex girlfriend has erected.

Chris, look, I am feeling kinda desperate lately.  I have NOT heard word one from her for weeks.  I think she has written me out of her life.  Do you have some suggestions on topics to talk about with your ex?” 

“Hey man, it’s been a long long time since I have gotten any texts back from my girl. I send her one everyday and she ignores every one of them. I know she is still pissed at me.  I gotta believe she is over me and has moved on.  It’s been like forever and I think she is either sick of me or has found someone else.  I mean, just any sign of her missing me would lift me up. Any clue as to how to talk to an ex girlfriend after a long time of basically hearing nothing?”

For starters, if you have been trying to re-establish contact with your old girlfriend by dropping loads of texts upon her day after day….well….I am sorry to tell you that you dug the hole you are in deeper.  But it’s certainly not time to panic and give up. It’s not all over.  But there is no bigger turn off to a girl than being badgered every day by her ex boyfriend.  Give her break.  Just layoff the constant bombardment of text messages and phone calls for a few weeks.  And if you follow my advice, you have a decent chance to get something going with her again.

Also, don’t wear your negativity.  What do I mean by that?  Essentailly, keep your chin up.  Particularly as it applies on all your social media accounts.  If you are complaining about her and what has come of your life on Facebook or Instagram and posting sad pictures, your are not doing yourself any favors.

Using Facebook As a Recovery Strategy

Don’t disappear either. Keep up your posting habits.  Keep it relatively positive and respectful.  Chances are high that she is checking up on you, following your every post on Facebook, Instagram, or whatever platforms you use. So keep up your positive outlook and follow the advice I am about to lay on you!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend To Talk To You

So are you ready to learn about the 5 ways to get your former girlfriend to open up to you and invite you back into her life?  I sure hope so.  We are talking strategy here.  Not the kind where you speak special, magical words.  It doesn’t work that way.

There is no special set of words or lines you can text her that will bring her running or melt her heart.  Forget about that kind of nonsense.  It is like those pick up lines your read about.  They rarely work. Nor are we talking about reciting her poetry or waxing romantically about how beautiful she is and how your are so sorry about being an idiot or fool for letting her go from your life.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Ex girlfriends tend to have a built in bullshit meter that picks up on all that kind of stuff and it is more likely you will just anger or annoy her.  If you try these kind of ploys, at best, your ex girlfirend will be momentarily distracted.  She might have a moment of uncertainty.  She may talk to some of her close friends and even show them your text message while agonizing over whether she should respond.  But unless your chosen words get past the ex boyfriend bullshit meter and touches her in a deep place, she may very well dug in deeper, resisting your best efforts.

Your Best Texting Strategies

So don’t spoil your chances by sending her some amateurish text messages in an effort to win her back.  You are better off following a more tried and true method of getting your ex to open up to you.

In short, there are 5 topics you can choose to explore with her that can get things moving again.  And remember, with all of these approaches, “less is more“, meaning don’t write her a mini novel.  Keep your text message on point and relatively brief.

What the focus of this post is about is to direct you toward the kinds of topics you should touch on.  In this article, I am not going to go into a lot specifics and examples.  You can find plenty of these elsewhere on this website.  Just think about which of these topics will allow you to optimize your chances of getting a conversation started.  That is all you are looking for at this stage.  To ignite a little conversation.  Nothing big.  Think of it as trying to ignite a spark.  Over time, that spark will lead to something more meaningful.

Here are 5 interesting topics you can tap into to get something ignited with your ex.

  1. Use Curiosity To Create Conversations With Your Former Girlfriend
  2. Work On Building Rapport With Your Ex Girlfriend
  3. Take Advantage of Your Many Shared Interests
  4. Don’t Be Afraid To Make Your Ex Laugh
  5. Find A Way To Show Your Ex That Your Are A Different Man Than She Remembers

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

1. Use Curiosity To Create Conversations With Her

To arouse your ex girlfriend’s curiosity you are looking to tap into something that she will hardly be able to resist.  The idea here is to put out there a text message that upon reading is going to cause her to stop and wonder, “could this be true” or “what on earth does he mean”?

In a way what you are trying to do is plant a lover’s seed.  If it is the right seed, eliciting a curious thought on her end, then you have a decent chance of getting your woman to bite.  Think of it as setting the hook.  You are not using something that is far fetched or is untrue, rather, you are trying to leverage something that she will find interesting, fascinating, or touching.  You want her curious to learn more.  You are in effect, dangling something out there that arouses your ex girl in some way.

It could be something like a close ended statement like, “You won’t believe what happened to (restaurant name) where we had that party for Billy.”

Or, “I just ran into Beth and you won’t believed what happened to her!”

2. Work On Building a Special Rapport With Your Girlfriend

In the course of any relationship with any girl, you will discover that the two of you will click on certain things.  For example, whether it is about politics, certain favorite hobbies, really special movies, or whatever….the point is that as your relationship blossoms from friendship to lover, the two of you will become connected by your common interests, friends, and experiences.

Your job is to reach down into your memory bank of all the things you and your ex use to do together that resulted in the two of you developing the special rapport that only two lover can connect understand and identify with.

So one way to get a conversation started is to find something you both care very much about and make a reference to it.  It needs to be something that is meaningful to your ex girlfriend….something that has touched her emotionally in the past.

Are You Using Emotional Triggers To Connect With Her?

Think of these rapport connections as triggers.

If you are able to call them up in her memory, they can potentially trigger more than a recollection of an experience she had with her boyfriend, but also cause her brain chemistry flow with the right hormones.  Perhaps just enough to give her a little adrenaline or dopamine spike to cause her to text you back.

Once you settle on what it is you want to reference, send your text message on over, then wait.  Give it time.  Don’t panic if you don’t hear back from her immediately or in the first few hours.  Possibly, you won’t hear from your ex at all.  But trust me, if you chose the right memory or topic that sparks an emotional reaction within her, it won’t be soon lost on her.

Just because you don’t hear from her doesn’t necessarily mean that your message didn’t work.  It may marinate in her mind for days.  It may very well make enough of an impression that it helps you with your next text message that you can send her a week or so later.

3. Take Advantage of Your Many Shared Interests

Another texting tactic you can employ is to tap into something you both absolutely love. Let’s say your ex girlfriend enjoys cycling.  Let’s assume she likes getting on her bike and pedaling out the miles as a way to stay fit, trim, and keep her anxiety at bay.  Further, let us assume you use to go with her on some of these bike rides and those experiences are filled with many wonderful memories for the two of you.

You could tap into that “love memory” of hers by sending her a text pic of someone out biking on a beautiful day, soaking up the sunshine.

Your caption could be something like, “Perfect day, I hope you are soaking up the rays”.  Pictures speak a thousands word and can trigger in her a memory of her favorite hobby.   Now she knows you are thinking of her and something that she loves to do.  But it is more than that, isn’t it.  Many of her bike riding memories include you and those good times you had.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back?

Take the quiz

You catch the drift, right!

4. Don’t Be Afraid To Make Your Ex Laugh

Laughter is great medicine in and of itself.  So use it to your advantage.

I am not talking about telling stupid jokes or trying to be drop dead funny.  Nothing like that.  What you are shooting for is subtle and classy humor.

And if you are really clever, you will find a picture of something you can text her that evokes a memory the two of you had together.

Don’t be so clumsy to make the picture of you and her.  That won’t work.  But find some humorous picture you both will “get” and send it on over to her without a caption.  Preferably the humorous pic will relate to some experience the two of you had together.  Something that your ex girlfriend will remember because it was a special day and a special experience and you treated her in a loving way.

Again, you are trying to tap into these connections that already exist in her mind and looking for a way to awaken that deep seeded emotion lying inside your ex girlfriend’s subconscious or even conscious mind.

5. Find a Way To Show Your Ex That You Are A Different Guy

Let me make this super clear!  There is a real good chance your ex gal remembers you in a way that is less than ideal.

I am not saying she has forgotten all of your good qualities.  And let there be no doubt that all of those fun, memorable, and intimate experiences the two of you shared together WON’T be wiped clean from her mind.  Those are all the good deposits you made in the relationship.

But sadly, your ex lover has not forgotten those bad times the two of you had.  Whatever happened that facilitated the breakup is something that she likely has been running through her mind over and over again like a broken tape recorder.

Your job is to help her find the reset button.  You need to change those tapes in her mind.  And the most significant reel that keep playing in her head is that your are a guy she doesn’t want to be with right now.  So you need to show her you are a different guy.

How do you do that?  I would suggest a three prong strategy consisting of:

  1. Select text messages reinforcing you are the opposite of the “bad” things she has been thinking about regarding you.
  2. You need to overhaul your social media presence to show her that you are an ever changing guy….the kind of guy she wants to be with and is attracted to.  If that means you need to get more fit, then start an exercise program and show your progress on social media. If it means you need to change your playboy or party boy image, then get rid of all those images and posts that reinforce that image and replace them with images and posts that speak to the kind of guy she has always dreamed of being with.
  3. Utilize select friends (preferably other women) than can convey all the “right” messaging to your ex girlfriend.  Subtle suggestions or inferences can have a powerful effect on your woman.  Little positive thoughts about you, if planted by someone she trusts and respects, can get lodged in he mind and eventually influence her to act and respond to you.

Putting It All Together To Get Her Talking

So there you have it.  You essentially have 5 topics I have laid out that you can tap into to get a conversation started with your ex girlfriend.

Now, I don’t want you sending her one text message from each.  It doesn’t work that way.  Remember the problem with overloading your ex with too many messages.  What you do is first choose a topic theme that you think will resonate with your lady.  Then craft an initial contact text message that you believe will hit on all the marks I discussed.

If it doesn’t immediately work, don’t sweat it.  Just wait.  You might hear from your ex later in the week.  Remember, the idea behind these kinds of messages is if crafted properly, they have an after life.  Your girlfriend may be thinking about it for hours and days.

If you still don’t hear from her after a week, then choose another topic and try another type of text message.

Using this strategy gives you the best chance of success!	

Related Articles