Every girl knows that there are two words that are sure to make the man in your life stop in his tracks.
You start imagining being chained to this girl and a child for the next 18 years at least… It can be overwhelming.
When you are simultaneously going through a breakup it can cause some serious panic.
I mean even without the added stress of a breakup you have to account for two people and their dreams and goals in addition to your own moving forward. Then when you add in the stress of the breakup to that, it’s hard to discern what level of interaction she wants. For some people it becomes a question of whether this kid could be someone else’s.
I know… I know… That is probably a touchy subject.
But, it’s a legitimate concern these days.
I mean, some breakups happen because she cheated or left you for someone else.
If she is claiming it’s yours and she did cheat or leave you for someone else, then there is really only one way to determine that. But we’ll get into that in a minute.
If it is someone else’s and you still want to get your ex back, then there are some things that needs to be addressed.
So… In order to get through all of these scenarios and how to handle them we have to find a way to cover each of them.
So let’s lay out what we need to cover.
- Decide What Circumstances You Are Okay With
- Survey the Circustamstances
- In or Out
DECIDE What You Are Okay But Support Her Needs
It’s a difficult situation you’re in. I can appreciate that.
But I am not here to play the moral referee.
I’m not going to tell you what’s right or wrong in this situation.
What I am going to do is give you the tools you need to make this decision.
Otherwise you’ll be out there like this:
So prepare yourself because
Alright so let’s look at the facts.
You guys broke up.
Those are the facts we have so far.
Here are some additional facts you might be faced with.
She left you for someone else.
She’s started seeing someone else after the split.
There are so many scenarios you could be facing right now, just bear with me, we’ll get to them and talk about what questions you’ll be facing in order to figure out what you are okay with.
We already know you want her back. Before you start you need to ask yourself these three things:
- Are you ready to be partners with your ex?
- Are you ready to work on what was wrong with your relationship TOGETHER?
- Are you ready to accept a working relationship if it’s not yours or if she doesn’t want to get together.
She Didn’t Date After You Split Up and…
If there isn’t a chance that the baby is someone else’s then you can go about Ex Girlfriend Recovery basically the same as normal except instead of taking No Contact take a Limited No Contact where you offer your support if she’ll accept it. But, that doesn’t mean that you are there 24/7, just in emergencies or when she reaches out. Don’t smother her. Being pregnant means hormones all over the place. So, tread lightly. You will be faced with two situations here…
She Wants to Get Back Together
These is the easy one. If she wants to get back together, I suppose the only question is if you want to and are ready to work together with your ex to correct any issues you may have had in the past.
She Doesn’t Want to Get Back Together
If she’s not ready, then you should simply let her know that you are there for her if she needs anything, not in a romantic capability just as support. Seeing that you can respect her wishes and still be supportive will help change the way she sees you. At the same time you should spend your free time working on fixing all of the issues in your own life. If you have shortcomings of any kind or did in the relationship then now is the time to get your life together and overcome them. Because, seeing you as a different person won’t fix those issues and eventually they WILL turn back up.
She Is Currently Seeing Someone Else
Respect her decision.
You already have something that will tie you to her for minimum 18 years. I think that gives you a little time to get on her good side and work on those shortcomings. You want to look awesome in comparison to this new guy. Take it from me, every man screws up at some point. And you don’t have to swoop in to sweep her off her feet. You just have to respect her and be supportive.
Believe it or not, that’s the equivalent of her showing up on your doorstep in some smokin’ lingerie and a 6-pack.
Well, you don’t have much of a choice here unless she decides to leave him. I mean, you can’t force her into anything. What you CAN do is keep working on you and being respectful and supportive.
It’s not an ideal situation, but going at her gung-ho only insures that you won’t have the opportunity to get her back in the future.
So the question is, would you rather piss her off now or control your urges and maybe have a chance after you become You 2.0?
She Was Seeing Someone Else After You Split Up
This is where things get a little complicated.
It’s complicated because you have to decide what you are willing to accept going forward.
Getting back together after she’s dated someone else means that you are going to have to get over the fact that she dated someone else.
Are you ready to do that?
Because it won’t be easy.
She Wants to Get Back Together and It’s Yours
If she’s on board and it’s yours…. then you have a unique opportunity. Don’t waste it by being jealous or petty. Embrace it. But don’t think that it means that you don’t need to address the issues you had in the past.
I suppose the only thing you have to ask is…
Are you ready to be a dad?
She Doesn’t Want to Get Back Together and It’s Yours
It’s likely that she will want to set boundaries or rules. Admit it… seeing your ex is hard. If she is having as difficult a time as you, then she might want to try and limit her contact with you. It may be painful. She may need a little No Contact of her own to sort out what exactly she does want. But having a kid… you want reasonable and responsible people in your life.
What you have to ask yourself now is…
Do you want to be in this kid’s life whether you get her back or not?
Can you put that above your desire to win her back and build a working relationship with her?
Your best bet is to honor her wishes. Make your life better. become better. And maybe she’ll change her mind.
She Wants to Get Back Together and It’s His
This is where it get’s a little more difficult. You see, not every man that chooses to raise another man’s child. This often causes issues down the road.
So, if you choose to do this, then here are the questions that come along with it.
This child is another man’s. There is a possibility that he will choose to stay in this kid’s life, whether she stays with him or not. He may be on board with the situation or not.
Are you prepared for that?
Can you set aside how you feel about him to build a life for you, your ex, and the baby?
She Doesn’t Want to Get Back Together and It’s His
This one. This on is the kicker. If the two of them are together and on board with having a kid, then there is only one thing you can ask yourself…
Do you love her enough to let her go?
Can you be supportive of her being happy even if you can’t provide that for her?
I know you came here hoping that we could give you a way to get her back in every situation.
But the only option is to do this thing where you are supportive and you work on building a great life for yourself and maybe, one day, they might not work out.
But, in my opinion, you are better off building that better life for you an moving forward after wishing her the best. I know that is a tough call to make, but it’s the only way that you end up with a possibility of being on good terms with her if and when that day does come.
So, now you know where you draw the line. Whether it’s at raising another man’s child or being able to get over the breakup itself. Whatever your lines are now you know.
So, what now?
Survey The Damage
Just because you’ve figured out what possible routes you have to choose from for the future doesn’t mean that the problems from the past are just going to poof… disappear.
I mean clearly something wasn’t working within the relationship, otherwise it wouldn’t have ended. It’s up to you to figure out what that is and clean your side of the street. I mean, you can’t make her do anything, but it’s a heck of a lot easier to get someone on board when you’ve already shown that you are dedicated to fixing the problem.
I have a lot of guys that tell me their issues were spurred from arguing constantly. Learning to communicate efficiently and keep your emotions in check is the first step there.
A lot of relationships end because the people in it stop taking care of themselves. Why would you want to build a future with someone who can’t take care of themselves? I mean you’re supposed to take care of each other, how are they going to do that if they can’t even take care of themselves?
So, take a look at it all and figure out where you need to focus your energy and start there.
Then you need to take a look at how you left things.
I know you probably didn’t end on a great note, but was it at least cordial or did you have a knock down drag out fight?
If it was the latter, then you are going to have to be prepared to be greeted with that same amount of hate and anger when you reconnect and keep from reacting with anything other than understanding a cool front.
Why Do You Want Her Back?
This is a touchy subject to which most guys respond,
“I just do!”
But that’s not enough.
Do you just want her back because you feel like you’ve lost something that was yours?
Is it simply because someone else is interested or there’s a chance that she might be happy without you?
Or do you honestly and truly want to build a relationship?
Strong relationships work because the people in it work as partners on the same level rather than have one positioned higher than the other.
So, if you aren’t ready to make it work together rather than expecting her to just jump back in and things will work themselves out, then you might as well just move on right now because you will be right back here in a few months.
With the ladies, we call this becoming ungettable.
Do you know why you want the women you want?
It’s because you see them as “out of your league.”
Everyone wants a Aston Martin.
Because not just anyone can have them.
You 2.0 is the best version of yourself.
What makes you unique and desirable? What makes you worth the gamble and still gives her a feeling of being protected and supported?
Because while most men want the sports car, a pregnant woman wants the SUV with the 5 star safety rating that is still pretty to look at.
You see where I’m going?
In or Out – Don’t Leave Your Ex Wondering
This is the moment of truth.
Go ahead…. I’ll give you a minute to process.
Alright… if you’ve made it through this entire article and decided taht you are STILL all in, then you are ready to start moving and shaking.
Start putting forth the effort to do the following:
Get your emotions in order. You control them, they shouldn’t control you.
Figure out what makes you the safe bet? how will you provide her AND a baby with security. She has to know that you aren’t just going to walk away.
Put effort into your appearance. I don’t care how much effort you put into everything else, a nice haircut and a simple daily workout will make everything else look more appealing. Without it, it all looks (pardon my french) half-assed.
Alright… get out there and do great things.
If you have any questions or scenarios I haven’t covered… drop a line in the comments.
Even better, tell me what actions you’ve decided to take! I’d love to get your take.