Here at Ex Girlfriend Recovery, I see a lot of different situations involving getting your Ex Girl back. It doesn’t matter who dumped who, whether it was a long distance relationship or if you are still living under the same roof. Truth be told, all ladies (and gentlemen for that matter) show signs that she is not over you.
Now, I’m not going to lie, these signs can either be good and something that you can use to your advantage, or they can be negative, in which case, it would be a good idea to take some time to think about what you really want.
There’s pros and cons to every situation, but let’s be honest, sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you love a person, they just aren’t a good person. I generally think that most people, deep down, are good people, and are most of the time reacting to stressful situations. However, I’ve seen a few instances where it just benefits a person to find someone new. That’s something only you can decide.
However, as I said, there are signs that can clue you into whether your Ex is still into you, or if she is moving on. Moving on isn’t the final word, by any means. It just means you’re going to have to work a little bit harder.
So here’s some positive signs that your Ex Girlfriend isn’t over you:
She’s Initiating Contact
So you’ve completed The No Contact phase, and you’ve moved to the texting phase with fairly positive responses. And then out of the blue she texts you first one day. It could be that she’s asked your opinion or she needs your help.
It could be she’s wanting to talk to you about something important, or she may just want to chat. No matter what the reason, she is taking time out of her day and she didn’t wait for a cue from you.
She didn’t wait for you to start the conversation. Granted it could be something absolutely silly, like a funny meme, or maybe she wanted advice about a situation.
But think of it this way – of all the people in her social circle, she thought of you.
So of course, this means she’s on your mind.
Ditto for asking advice, which is an indication that she values and trusts your opinion. Not to mention that if she is sending you funny little texts, in her mind, she’s associating you with humor and happiness. If she were over you, she’d ask advice from someone else. She’d barely text you a hello, and you wouldn’t receive something funny unless it was in a mass group text.
Which leads to the next one…
She’s Texting You
There’s a big difference between your Ex Girl initiating contact with you in your communication and her texting you, but it is a subtle difference. And truthfully, one does not really depend on the other. Either one can come before the other one. What you do need to look for and gauge is how active she is in a conversation.
When you start a conversation with her, does she reply? When you try to keep her engaged in the conversation, does she pay attention.
Does she reply in a timely way, or do you ask how her day is, and she repeatedly ignores you until later?
If she responds rather quickly, if she responds positively to your texts, and she is engaged in a conversation that you start with her, then she’s still interested in you. If she were moving on, she would barely give you the time of day, she would seem to be annoyed, and she probably wouldn’t answer you at all. If you are in the midst of a good texting session, (and this could include anything from flirting to light sexting), she’s still interested in you.
And if in the course of your texts or your conversation she let’s slip she saw something on your social media, you are then open to adding the next sign to your list…
She’s stalking your social media
Now let’s be clear what I mean when I say she’s “stalking” you for this situation. As I mentioned above, if she’s asking about something she saw on your Facebook or Instagram, that means she is taking the time to look at your Facebook and Instagram. She’s making an effort to keep up with what is going on in your life, instead of just blocking all the updates from you and ignoring anything that’s going on in your life.
She sees those pictures of you on Facebook, going out with friends, she sees those tweets about how your days are going, and she’s seeing those before and after gym selfies you’ve been posting on Instagram.
Eventually, curiosity is going to get the better of her and she’s going to ask you about what you’ve been up to.
How has your gym workout been coming along, and is that girl that you took a picture with your new girlfriend? And that is when you know, she’s been stalking you on social media. Her inquiries will be extremely casual, because she doesn’t want to look like she’s stalking you. Which leads me to the next point…
She’s asking your friends about you
If you have mutual friends, and didn’t take sides after the breakup, sooner or later she’s going to ask them how you are doing, what you are up to, and if you have another girl in your life. More than likely she will ask all of this to another female, so don’t be surprised if the girlfriend of one of your friends or your sister sneaks and tells you she has asked about you.
So, how is this is sign?
Well one, women are just curious.
They either want confirmation that you are doing horribly without them in your life, or that your new girl (if you have one), is not as good as her.
But if she were moving on with her life, she wouldn’t have time to think of you, let alone think of measuring herself up to a potential new girl. While these inquiries can act as closure, they are also a sign that she’s just not ready to let the idea of you two as a couple go.
So with that in mind, the last one you need to look for is…
She’s bitter – because she regrets the breakup
Maybe it would be better to say that she’s bittersweet. In this case she either regrets dumping you, or she regrets her actions that led to you dumping her. Either way, if she’s showing signs of jealousy and still acting hurt, but trying her best to put on a brave front, she’s missing you. This one is hard, because more than likely, her pride isn’t going to let on that she’s missing you.
She will smile and laugh if she sees you, but if you look deep in those eyes, there’s pain there. Study the signs of a fake smile, and see if she’s smiling because she’s actually happy, or if she’s smiling because she refuses to let you see she’s hurting.
Look for a toothy smile and crinkles around the eyes. This can be a borderline positive or negative reaction to missing you.
So in the spirit of Yin and Yang, I have decided that each of these signs that she isn’t over you can be good or bad. And truthfully, everything has good and bad qualities to it. Take ice cream for example; delicious wonderful sweet treat. Eat too much to fast, and you’ve got a brain freeze, cavities, and possibly a stomachache. So what are the dark sides to all these positive signs?
She’s initiating contact A LOT (text gnat)
If she’s texting you long paragraphs at a time, or if she’s texting you short sentences in a rapid fire sequence, she’s not over you.
She’s trying desperately to either get your attention, or to keep her on your mind. And it works, but not in a positive way.
She’s overly emotional and you are annoyed. Things usually get said in this instance that either hurt both parties or do so much damage it is hard to repair. The best thing to do in this situation is the No Contact Rule.
Usually, these text gnat actions come at the very beginning of the break up. But if you’ve done a 45 day No Contact period, start the texting phase and she hits you with rapid fire text messages or Instant messages, she is still highly emotional and highly upset. Know that after this amount of time that you’ve given yourself and her to cool off, and she is still showing needy and desperate actions, it may be a good idea to do a short mini no contact, and reassess what you want for your relationship. Most of all, DO NOT SLEEP WITH HER IF SHE ACTS LIKE THIS. You will have a psycho on your hands, and it will be your fault.
She’s texting you – drunk at 2 a.m.
Again, like there was a difference between initiating contact and texting in the positives, there is also a difference in the negatives. If she is calling you drunk in the early hours of the morning, slurring her words, and professing her love for your, or if you are getting text messages with a bunch of extra letters telling you how you were the best lay she ever had, she’s not over you.
But, this is not the foundation for getting back together.
This is a needy, desperate woman, who is feeling lonely, and trying to get you to come back to her even if it means sleeping with you.
DO NOT PUT YOURSELF IN THAT SITUATION. One, she’s drunk, and that’s not exactly consent, no matter what she says or texts you. Two, she’s not going to remember what happened, and the next morning, when she scrolls back through, she’s going to be totally embarrassed. Three, again I can’t stress enough, these actions are not the experiences you want to build a lasting relationship on.
Give her a week, and try again.
But if this becomes a habit, you might want to think about getting a new number.
She’s stalking you – on more than just social media
Driving past your house at different hours just to check if you’re there; showing up at your house or your job unannounced; Creating fake accounts on social media after blocking her real profiles. If she can think of a way to feel close to you, she’ll find it. Again, this is desperate and needy attention. No matter who is responsible for this reaction, (hey, if you cheated on her, there’s a possibility it’s your fault), if she starts showing signs of being in complete denial, you need to run. This is not a good sign that she isn’t over you.
This is a very bad sign. Like restraining order and court appointed therapy bad.
If things are at this point, you need to start thinking about making some changes in your life, and apologizing to her so that she can get some closure and start the healing process of letting go, and being aware of your surroundings.
It is very true what they say – “Hell hath no fury like a woman spurned.”
She’s asking your friends about you
This is the next phase of obsession. She is finding all the information she can on you, good or bad. It functions as a double edge sword – one side, she’s not over you, so she’s doing what ever she can to feel close to you. Is this good? In this case no. These actions are fueling the obsession. If your mutual friends report her becoming defensive while reporting on you, be warned, because she is probably….
She’s bitter – because she’s jealous
In this case, it doesn’t necessarily have to be because you started a relationship with a new person.
She could be jealous simply because she thinks you left her behind with nothing and moved on to a better life, WITHOUT HER.
This combination of jealousy, envy, immaturity, and no control over emotions often leads to the other negative signs, or continues them until there is a huge blowout where bad things get said, friendships are lost and so many tears are shed. Tires may even get slashed or cars may get keyed. If you haven’t made up your mind about whether you still want to pursue a relationship at this point, now is the time to make that decision.
Do yourself a favor, and don’t let these negative signs get to this point.
So whether positive or negative, there are many signs that your Ex Girlfriend may not be over you. The key is to keep everything a positive experience, so that if you are truly interested in rebuilding a relationship with your ex, you can expand the effects of the positive signs and diminish the effects of the negative signs