We Broke Up And I Am Desperate and Falling Apart

The greatest mistake after a breakup would be to obsess over your Ex! This is certainly easier said than done.

I know it can feel like desperate times.  After a break up, you may feel like everything is falling apart in your life.  But don’t make it worse by hovering all over her or doing or saying crazy things.

Actually, an even worse mistake is to break up with your ex girlfriend and want her back like crazy, yet not have an ex back plan.  But I know its not easy dealing with the awful pain of her out of your life.

Planning is not usually the first thought that comes to mind.  More likely, you will be in a panic over why she has left you and this reactive state of yours can land you in even worst trouble.

Do You Feel Like Your Ex Girlfriend Has Ripped Out Your Heart?

ripped out my heart

So I understand well the feelings you have following a breakup.  That’s my job. To help guys who feel desperate, in the dark, with little hope.  If you feel you are falling apart because your ex girlfriend left you, well, part of the reason is because your brain’s addiction to being near your ex girlfriend has you in its grip.

And it sure doesn’t help when you get these indicators from your ex girlfriend that she is seemingly doing just fine.  I know that sucks.  You probably feel gutted by the whole beak up experience.  Yet, she seems to have moved on.

Yeah, she just posted a photo with her friends while they were out clubbing. Perhaps you notice a few guys in the picture and suddenly your mind starts to torture you with all these scenarios you convinced yourself are unfolding.

This is what can literally drive a guy up the wall, reaching for some sanity. This is why I encourage guys who want their ex back to have a comprehensive ex recovery plan.

Of course when you start feeling breakup crazy, it never ends there, does it?

Curiosity can ramp up and get the better of you. Before you know it, you’ve combed through every social media comment she has made since the two of you broke up.

And that never settles you down. More often than not, it just agitates you more.

The worst part is that no matter what explanation is offered as to why she dumped you or doesn’t want to get back, you are never going to be satisfied with it because your mind will constantly be coming up with reasons why she is so wrong.

What Are The 7 Signs That You Are Getting Desperate, Maybe Even Falling Apart

desperate feelings

Yes, It is a harsh reality all guys have to face when their ex girlfriends rejects them over and over again.

But that is just it!

You see, there is a healthy level of checking in with your ex and then there is an obsessive, self-destructive type of stalking or trying to browbeat her to make up with you.

It’s okay to miss her. But you should do your best to stay objective and realistic.  Chances are that there are few signs that the breakup is permanent, so while you may feel panicky, the odds are pretty decent you still have a solid chance.  That is why I encourage my readers to tap into my eBook, Ex Girlfriend Recovery Pro, so they have the best tools available to them to optimize their chances.

So how can you tell that you have gone overboard?

I have seen some guys just start acting psycho after the breakup.  I think of it as post breakup insanity.  If you are suffering from these kind of feelings, there are things you can do to pull it back together.

But first, let’s explore what crazy out of your mind about your ex girlfriend looks like!

Here are some indicators of going overboard after a break up:

  1. Not getting any sleep because you got sucked into searching through her pics for any signs that she’s seeing someone new.
  2. You’ve stopped doing things you really should be doing like eating, grooming and bathing, talking to people.
  3. You can’t focus on work or school because you can’t stop thinking about the what-if scenarios.  Thoughts of her start freaking you out in all kinds of ways.
  4.  You ask yourself what went wrong over and over again. You fall apart and begin sobbing uncontrollably at odd times.
  5. You start developing a bit of a psychosis after the breakup.  Wandering around speaking to strangers about your plight.  Refusing to believe she really left you.  Making up lies and bizarre stories to carry on the facade.
  6. You fall into some typical male after breakup behaviors pretending it didn’t hurt you.  Insisting she is completely at fault.  Going for some really long runs and workouts to the point of complete exhaustion.
  7. You have moments where you desperately start texting her or even calling your ex girlfriend, insisting she talk or meet up with you.

See a pattern?

Well, if you are guilty of exhibiting some of those behaviors, don’t feel any shame.

I am telling you, lots of guys struggle with keeping it together.  Though in the beginning we can fool ourselves into thing it’s not going to bother us much.  In the long run, the breakup blues will catch up with you if you have not dealt with it in a healthy, proactive way.

Anytime you are sacrificing a big part of your life  to over thinking about your ex or  constantly trying to “check in ” with her, that’s when it’s time to take a big step back so you can see the bigger picture of your behavior.

Trust me.  If you don’t, you are headed for a personal train wreck.  Its a disaster of not giving your ex girlfriend her space.

What If We Just Broke Up and It Was a Bad Breakup?

It is completely normal for you to miss her in the worst way.

However, if the break up happened recently and it was really horrible.  Let’s say you were completely unprepared and shocked that she was ending it.  It is likely that the intensity at which you miss her will be much higher in those early stages, than it will be after you give it some time. You know that old saying,

“Time heals all wounds.”

Well, it’s true. Although, since you have found your way here to my website, I am going to guess that these breakup wounds are cutting deep.

At first, you are probably going to be resisting the idea of doing anything that doesn’t sound like a quick solution.  But as you will learn, making quick, desperate type of moves will almost always sink you deeper into the breakup muck.

The break up landscape is littered with guys who were so eager to get their girlfriend back that they resorted to begging and pleading for another chance.  These desperate moves rarely work.  They only resort in you losing face and personal power.

You don’t want your ex girlfriend to possess all the personal relationship power, leaving you like a puppet on a string.  Nope.  That is not how you go about the ex recovery process.

So, how are you supposed to handle that intense desire for her?  What can you do to tame that beast inside you that is driving you crazy and breaking you down.

Well, hold on, as help is on its way.

I am going to talk to you about 7 rules to live by so you can better cope with the breakup and ease your suffering.  Living in a state of depression, feeling like you have lost everything dear to you is not going to be your future.

I am going to guide you into a different direction.

What If A Lot Of Time Has Gone By And I Am Still Crushed?

sad guy

Now for those who after many days or months are still struggling with what has happened, trying to cling to a forgotten past, I can help you too.

Even after a lot of time has gone by, the pain and memory of losing your ex girlfriend can still be sharp.  You can still feel numb and aimless.

You may find yourself just going about your day, then something triggers a memory of her and suddenly you are like thrown into another world.  Suddenly your mood can sour and you can’t quite bring yourself to function.

Expert say there is this phenomenon called, “lingering attachment”.

When we have been close and intimate with someone for a long time, then that person is removed from your life, it can leave an indelible mark on both your conscious and subconscious.

All of those times you spent together enjoying the moments of life resulted in a bond, an attachment.

Now its been ripped away.

But just know, that the attachment, formed over months or years, is not ever easily severed.  It’s this bond you had with her that is partly causing you so much pain.  That is what is making you feel vulnerable, given to occasional panic attacks or periods of depression.

Yep, the mind, twisted by an ex girlfriend breakup, has a profound influence on our physical and emotional well being.

So let’s do something about it.  Here are 7 rules you should abide by so that you can push yourself away from the precipice of what you might think is utter breakup agony.

7 Rules To Live By To Better Cope With You Breakup

coping better

1. Tell yourself that the pain you are suffering is temporary.

It will eventually subside with time as part of your agony from having lost your ex girlfriend is due to your brain releasing certain stress hormones while at the same time having a shortage of feel good chemicals like dopamine.

2. Start keeping a journal.

Writing down what happened and getting it all out can be an emotionally health way for coming to terms with the reality of the break up.  Often we are in denial when our partner leaves us.  So one of the first steps of recovery is to accept what has happened and seek to understand what led to this outcome.

3. Initiate No Contact to start your process of healing and personal recovery.

Along the way, you will want to spend time working on bettering yourself, while also taking steps to reinforce your value, not just for yourself, but for your ex girlfriend as well.  When your ex recovery plan is underway and when you have a little structure and have targeted goals to aim for, it can keep your mind focused on the positive future, not the painful past.

4. Trying taking yourself on a date.

Who says you can’t do something special for yourself.  Look, what you are going through is hard and if you have been on the verge of falling apart, you owe it to yourself to give yourself a long break.

5. Start up some new routines.

It’s time to break those old patterns that remind you of your ex girlfriend. If you want to step away from the crazy emotions that seem to find you at all times of the day, you are going to have to change up some things.  Take on some new hobbies and embrace a new way of finding some meaning and fulfillment.  There are thousands of things you can do to usher in more happiness.  You just have to get moving on it and once you get started, it will find its own momentum.

6. Join my Private Facebook Support Group Community.

I have hundreds of people who have gone through the same thing you are experiencing.  They have felt they were on the edge of utter collapse.  They went through the pain of just losing it, feeling crushed after what their ex had to say to them.  So you need not be alone as you try to deal with these painful memories.  You can hear how others have learned to cope and what they are doing now with or without their ex in their life.

7. Change your environment.

If you and your ex did certain things together, then its time to change things up.  Also, to literally give yourself a different view and to change the vibe, take a long trip. Go with some friends.  Just putting distance between your local environment will help. Think about getting out into nature…take a long hike in the woods.  Just being one with nature and  experiencing some physical exertion will chase away a lot of the demons that occupy your mind.

		

Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter