By Chris Seiter

Published on November 11th, 2023

Rekindling the romance with an ex-girlfriend after a lot of time has gone by can be a challenging undertaking. The key is to strike a balance between showing genuine interest and not overwhelming her.

Creating curiosity in your texts is crucial as it can prompt her to respond, opening the door for further conversation. Here are strategies and examples for crafting that first message, along with insights into why sparking curiosity is essential.

What To Text Your Ex Girlfriend After a Long Time Has Passed

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1. Start With Something Casual and Light

Your first message should be casual, avoiding heavy topics or emotional outpourings. The aim is to reopen communication channels without any pressure.

Example: “Hey [Her Name], I stumbled upon [a shared memory] and couldn’t help but smile. Hope life’s treating you well.”

2. Reference a Shared Memory or Interest

Bringing up a positive shared memory or interest can remind her of the good times you had together, potentially making her more open to chatting.

Example: “Hi [Her Name], I just saw [a movie or book] and remembered how much you enjoyed it. It made me think of our marathon sessions. Hope all’s great with you!”

3. Show That You’ve Moved On, But Care

It’s important to convey that you’ve grown since your time together while showing that you still care about her as a person.

Example: “Hi [Her Name], I’ve been doing a lot of [a new hobby or activity] lately, and it’s been an adventure. It reminded me of your love for trying new things. How have you been?”

4. Ask an Open-Ended Question

Asking a question can pique her interest and give her a reason to reply. Make sure it’s open-ended and easy to answer.

Example: “Hey [Her Name], I was just thinking about the amazing food we had at [restaurant]. Have you found any new places that you’d recommend?”

5. Keep It Short and Sweet

Long messages can be overwhelming. Keep your text concise and to the point.

Example: “Hi [Her Name], I heard [a song] today and it reminded me of you. Hope you’re doing well.”

6. Avoid Discussing the Relationship or Breakup

Now is not the time to rehash the past. Focus on rebuilding a connection first.

Example: “Hey [Her Name], I passed by our old hangout spot and it brought back some good memories. How’s life treating you these days?”

7. Use Humor If Appropriate

If humor was a big part of your relationship, a light-hearted text can be a good icebreaker.

Example: “Hi [Her Name], I just tried to cook [a dish], and let’s just say I’m no chef. You’d have a good laugh if you saw this culinary disaster!”

8. End With a Positive Note

Leave the conversation open-ended but positive, giving her space to decide whether she wants to continue the conversation.

Example: “It was really nice reminiscing about the good times. Feel free to share any new adventures you’ve had. Take care!”

The Importance of Creating Genuine Curiosity

Creating curiosity in your texts serves as an effective hook for your ex to bite. It’s about giving her just enough to spark interest without revealing too much. Curiosity compels action, and in this case, the action you’re hoping for is a response.

Your text should leave her wondering about you and your life, tempting her to know more. This approach is subtle – it’s not about playing games, but about re-engaging her interest naturally and positively.

Remember, the goal is not just to get a response but to start a dialogue that feels organic and comfortable. The messages you send should open a window into your life without forcing her to come in. They should be invitations, not obligations.

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Things to Keep in Mind

  • Respect Her Response (or Lack Thereof): If she doesn’t respond, respect her decision. The goal is to open a door, but she must choose to walk through it.
  • Timing is Everything: Consider when you send the text. Avoid late nights or early mornings. A midday text suggests a casual and thoughtful approach.
  • Growth is Attractive: Show that you have grown since the breakup. This doesn’t mean bragging about new conquests, but subtly demonstrating that you’ve moved forward in life.
  • Be Prepared for Any Response: She might be happy to hear from you, indifferent, or even negative. Prepare yourself emotionally for any reaction.


In conclusion, reconnecting with an ex-girlfriend after a considerable time requires a blend of tact, sensitivity, and genuine interest. The initial message is pivotal—it sets the tone for potential future communication.

Striking the right balance in your text involves referencing shared memories or interests, showcasing personal growth, and infusing a bit of light-heartedness, if appropriate. The objective is to spark curiosity, enough to prompt a response without making her feel overwhelmed or pressured.

When crafting your message, the emphasis should be on creating an inviting atmosphere. Your words should open a window into the changes and developments in your life, subtly hinting at your journey since the breakup.

However, it’s critical to keep the conversation light, steering clear of heavy topics like the past relationship or the breakup itself. Humor, if it was an integral part of your connection, can serve as an excellent icebreaker, softening the seriousness of re-establishing contact.

Remember, the way you approach this interaction can significantly impact the outcome. While your ultimate goal might be reconciliation, starting with the intent of simply touching base can lay a more natural foundation for whatever may come next. Above all, respect her response, or lack thereof, and be prepared for any reaction.

Frequently Asked Questions: Texting Your Ex Many Months or Years Later

1. How long should I wait before texting my ex-girlfriend after our breakup? The appropriate time varies, but it’s generally wise to wait until emotions have cooled and you both have had time to reflect and grow from the experience. This could be anywhere from several months to a year or more, depending on the depth and nature of the relationship.

2. What should I avoid mentioning in my first text to her? Avoid diving into emotional discussions about the breakup, expressing deep feelings, or bringing up any contentious issues. The first text should be light, neutral, and devoid of pressure, focusing instead on positive shared experiences or general well-wishes.

3. Is it a good idea to apologize in the first message if I was at fault during the breakup? While an apology is important if you were at fault, the first message may not be the best place for it. Start with a lighter conversation and pave the way for a more meaningful discussion where you can offer a sincere apology.

4. How do I handle it if she doesn’t respond to my message? If she doesn’t respond, it’s crucial to respect her silence. Avoid the temptation to send follow-up messages. Her lack of response is a clear indicator of her current feelings or readiness to communicate, and it’s important to honor that.

5. Can I ask her if she’s seeing someone in my first message? Asking about her current romantic status in the first message can come across as intrusive. It’s better to focus on rebuilding rapport and wait for her to share such details if and when she feels comfortable.

6. How often should I text her if she responds positively? Match her pace and level of engagement. If she’s responding positively but infrequently, it’s a sign to keep the conversation casual and not overwhelm her with frequent texts. Let the frequency naturally increase as the conversation flows.

7. What are good topics to bring up in the initial conversations? Good topics include shared interests, upbeat life updates, and light-hearted anecdotes. You can also talk about neutral subjects like movies, books, or hobbies. The key is to keep the conversation engaging and pressure-free.

8. How can I tell if she’s interested in rekindling our relationship? Signs of interest include her asking personal questions, initiating conversations, reminiscing about the past positively, and showing enthusiasm in her responses. If she’s sharing details about her life and expressing interest in yours, it could indicate a willingness to reconnect on a deeper level.	

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