By Chris Seiter

Published on December 24th, 2023

During the course of a breakup sometimes the pieces can form an unexpectedly harsh picture. Being called ‘ugly’ by an ex-girlfriend can be jarring, hurtful, and confusing.  It’s crucial not to give in to your first reaction.

When an ex-girlfriend calls you ugly, it’s often a reflection of her emotional state, not your worth. It could stem from her hurt, insecurities, or immaturity. Handle it by staying calm, not retaliating, and focusing on self-care. Remember, her words define her feelings, not your reality.

Let’s delve much deeper into why your ex might resort to such a hurtful remark and how best to handle this situation.

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My Ex Girlfriend Called Me Ugly: Understanding and Navigating the Hurt

So when your ex gets into the gutter and starts throwing out hateful language, you need to fight against your natural reaction and seek to understand what might be going on in her mind. Let’s delve deeper into each of these reasons:

1. Emotional Reaction:

  • Heightened Emotions Post-Breakup: After a breakup, emotions are often raw and heightened. If the relationship ended on a contentious note, or if there’s unresolved emotional business, her calling you ugly might be an impulsive response to her own hurt and confusion.
  • Expression of Frustration: This could be her way of venting frustration or disappointment about how the relationship unfolded or ended. It’s an emotional release, albeit a hurtful one, that may have little to do with your actual appearance.

2. Trying to Hurt You:

  • Retaliation for Perceived Hurt: Feeling hurt or rejected herself, she might be lashing out to make you feel the pain she’s experiencing. It’s an attempt to regain a sense of control or to make you understand the depth of her hurt.
  • The Cycle of Hurt: This kind of behavior often perpetuates a cycle of hurt where one person’s pain leads to another’s. It’s important to recognize it as such and not to perpetuate the cycle further.

3. Deflecting Her Insecurities:

  • Projection of Self-Esteem Issues: Her calling you ugly might be a projection of her insecurities. She could be externalizing her negative feelings about herself onto you as a defense mechanism.
  • Unresolved Personal Issues: This action might also signal deeper issues she’s grappling with, such as low self-esteem or self-worth, which she hasn’t yet addressed or resolved.

4. Moving On:

  • Creating Emotional Distance: By focusing on a perceived negative aspect of you, she might be trying to create emotional distance. It’s a way for her to justify the breakup to herself and possibly to ease her guilt or pain.
  • Reinforcing Her Decision: If she’s trying to move on, denigrating you could be her way of reinforcing her decision to end the relationship, convincing herself that she made the right choice.

5. Immaturity:

  • Lack of Emotional Maturity: The remark may stem from an inability to handle complex emotions maturely. It could indicate a lack of emotional regulation or an immature way of dealing with conflict and hurt.
  • Inability to Communicate Effectively: This type of behavior often points to poor communication skills. Instead of expressing her feelings constructively, she resorts to hurtful comments.

In each of these scenarios, her calling you ugly is less about your physical appearance and more a reflection of her emotional state, her coping mechanisms, and her maturity.

Understanding this can help you navigate the hurt more effectively, realizing that her words are more about her internal battles than your worth or appearance.

Remember, while it’s natural to feel hurt by such comments, they don’t define you. Your self-worth isn’t contingent on someone else’s opinion, especially an opinion that’s likely clouded by emotional turmoil

How to Handle the Situation:

Knowing what to do depends on many factors.  First of all, you need to look at what your Game Plan calls for.  If you are in the midst of a No Contact period, then it may not pay at all to even respond.  Here are some ideas on how you should manage this situation.

  1. Reflect on the Context:
    • Understanding the context in which she called you ugly is crucial. Was it a heated argument, or did it come out of nowhere? The context can provide clues about her motives and emotional state.
  2. Don’t Retaliate:
    • While your first instinct might be to hit back with a hurtful remark, resist this urge. Escalation only leads to more pain and does nothing to resolve underlying issues.
  3. Assess Your Feelings:
    • Acknowledge how her words made you feel. It’s okay to feel hurt, angry, or confused. Recognizing your emotions is the first step in dealing with them constructively.
  4. Avoid Immediate Confrontation:
    • If you’re feeling emotionally charged, it’s best to avoid an immediate confrontation. Allow some time to pass so you can approach the situation more calmly and rationally.
  5. Seek Understanding:
    • If you feel it’s necessary and you’re in a place to do so calmly, consider asking her about the remark. Understanding her perspective might provide closure or insight, though it’s important to be prepared for any response.
  6. Focus on Self-Care:
    • Engage in activities that bolster your self-esteem and well-being. Surround yourself with friends and family who support you and remind you of your worth.
  7. Reflect on the Relationship:
    • Use this as an opportunity to reflect on the relationship. Was this kind of behavior common? Understanding the dynamics of your past relationship can provide valuable lessons for future ones.
  8. Don’t Dwell on the Comment:
    • While easier said than done, try not to dwell on the remark. Remember, her calling you ugly is more about her own emotional state than it is a reflection of your worth or appearance.
  9. Seek External Support:
    • If you’re struggling to move past the comment, consider talking to a counselor or one of our Coaches who can help you put it into perspective. They can provide strategies to deal with hurtful remarks and work through post-breakup emotions.
  10. Re-frame the Experience:
    • Try to re-frame this experience as a learning opportunity. It can teach you about resilience, the importance of emotional expression, and the value of constructive communication.
  11. Maintain a Healthy Perspective:
    • Keep in mind that one person’s opinion doesn’t define your worth. Focus on the positive aspects of yourself and remember that beauty is subjective and multifaceted.

The Expert’s Corner

Insider Insights From Chris Seiter: 8 FAQs About My Ex Girlfriend Calling Me Ugly

  1. Why would my ex-girlfriend call me ugly after we’ve broken up?
    • This could stem from various reasons including her emotional reaction to the breakup, an attempt to hurt you in response to her own pain, projecting her insecurities, trying to convince herself that she’s better off without you, or simply immaturity in handling emotions. It’s often more about her feelings and less about your actual appearance.
  2. How should I react when my ex-girlfriend insults my appearance?
    • Stay calm and don’t retaliate with insults. Acknowledge your hurt feelings but understand that her words reflect her emotional state rather than your worth. It’s important not to let her words affect your self-esteem.  And if you are in No Contact, then by all means don’t respond.
  3. Is it possible that she doesn’t really mean what she said?
    • Yes, it’s possible and probably likely. In moments of emotional distress, people often say things they don’t mean as a way to vent frustration or hurt. Her comment might be an impulsive reaction to her own emotional turmoil.
  4. Should I confront her about the remark?
    • If you feel it’s necessary for closure or understanding, approach the topic calmly and maturely. However, be prepared for any response and remember that the goal is not to argue but to understand her perspective and express how it made you feel. And as I have explained, avoid any confrontation or response if you are in No Contact.
  5. Could her calling me ugly be a sign of deeper issues on her part?
    • Yes, it could indicate deeper issues such as low self-esteem, insecurity, or a lack of mature coping mechanisms. People often project their internal struggles onto others in an attempt to deflect their feelings.
  6. What if her comment is affecting my self-esteem?
    • Focus on self-care and surround yourself with supportive people. Remember that her words are a reflection of her state of mind and not an objective truth about you. Engaging in activities that boost your confidence can also be helpful.
  7. How can I prevent this from impacting future relationships?
    • Process and acknowledge your feelings about the incident but try not to carry the hurt into new relationships. Understand that this was an isolated incident tied to a specific person and situation. Building a strong sense of self-worth independent of others’ opinions is key.
  8. Is there ever a situation where I should take her comment seriously?
    • Nope, not really. While it’s important to maintain self-awareness and personal growth, remember that a hurtful comment in the context of a breakup is often emotionally driven. It’s crucial to differentiate between constructive feedback and emotionally charged insults. Always consider the source and the context before internalizing such remarks.

Final Thoughts

Being called ugly by an ex-girlfriend can be a deeply upsetting experience, but it’s essential to approach it with a level head and an open heart.

Understand that this comment says more about her emotional state and less about you.

By focusing on your well-being, maintaining a healthy perspective, and learning from the experience, you can emerge from this situation stronger and more self-aware.

Breakups can be messy, and people sometimes say things they don’t mean.

The key is not to let these moments define you or your future relationships. Remember, your value and beauty are not diminished by someone else’s inability to see them.



Disclosure: I am the Author and Creator of this content. My aim is to provide you with original, well structured and authoritative content about this ex recovery topic utilizing my experience and expertise. I have endeavored to produce content that is high quality, relevant, informative, accurate, and reliable. In doing so, I have used an AI tool to some extent to assist me in generating useful content for my readers. This assistance may include topic research, the development of outline structures, phraseology for titles and headings, content curation, narrative expansion, grammar usage, and optimizing readability. All of this is done for the purpose of adding value to the post that I have produced. I personally “proof” every quality post I write for accuracy, completeness, textual flow, fine-tuning purposes, inclusion of relevant media, and inclusion of helpful internal links to further assist the reader. I do not allow for any 3rd party advertising that would muddy up my content or distract my readers.

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Signed By Yours Truly, Chris Seiter, Founder of Ex Boyfriend & Ex Girlfriend Recovery.	

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