You Hurt Your Ex Girlfriend And Want Her Back… But How?

He knew it the moment he did it…

It was a mistake.

Instead of thinking,

“Man, I totally nailed this beautiful chick”

He was thinking,

“What will Cassandra think? Would she even care that I slept with someone else?”

This was probably what was going through the mind of Billy, one of the men who I had the pleasure of working with personally a few years ago. You see, it started out like every email I get,

“Help me Chris… Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah CHEATING… Blah Blah Blah.”

Of course, I had read thousands of situations just like his and I thought I had seen it all.

Perhaps I had become numb to anything that had the word “ex” in it.

Maybe I was becoming arrogant.

After all, I thought I knew everything there was to know about exes.

It wasn’t until he said one phrase that I stopped scanning and started reading,

“I can’t live with myself… I hurt her so much… How can I make this better?”

It seems so simple, right?

Like something that I shouldn’t do a double take on.

But I did…

Something about that phrase froze me in place. You see, it made me think back to my very first relationship ever and revisit what went wrong.

I could sympathize with him.

Even though I didn’t have a lot of experience feeling helpless I have felt it one time in my entire life and it made that much of an impression on me that I knew that this was the person I wanted to help no matter what.

I wanted to help him feel less helpless.

I wanted to help him feel like he was in control.

I think you can see where this is going, right?

Today I am going to help you get control back. Now, is that a guarantee?

No, I can’t necessarily guarantee that after reading this article you are going to have control of the current predicament you have found yourself in. BUT I can guarantee that you won’t feel helpless.

But more on that in a second.

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room.

Hurting Your Ex Girlfriend

Have you ever looked up the definition of “hurt” before?

No?

Well, let’s ask my best friend in the world, Google,

Screen Shot 2016-03-08 at 9.02.16 PM

According to Google,

Hurt = To cause physical pain or injury to.

Now, do you think that when a man comes to this site to figure out how to get his ex girlfriend back if he hurt her that he is talking about hurting her in this way?

God I hope not because that means I have been helping a bunch of abusers get back with their exes.

Luckily, I doubt that the men who come to this site are meaning “hurt” in this way.

They probably mean that they are hurting their exes emotionally.

Hmm…

Maybe an example is needed here.

Ok, lets take Billy’s situation with his ex girlfriend Cassandra above.

Billy cheated on Cassandra with another woman. Obviously Cassandra found out and ended the relationship after that.

Why?

Because the news that Billy had cheated on her HURT her.

Did it hurt her physically?

No, it hurt her emotionally.

And that leads me to my next point.

This article is all about how to get an ex girlfriend back if you hurt her. In other words, I am operating under the assumption that you fu*ked things up with your ex in some way, shape or form.

Now, there are a lot of ways that a man can hurt a woman emotionally.

  • Cheating on her
  • Fighting with her
  • Putting her down all the time
  • Flirting with other girls but not actually cheating on her
  • Disrespecting her choices
  • Putting her low on the priority totem pole

And those are just the most popular ways.

I am sure there are THOUSANDS of ways that a woman can be hurt emotionally but I don’t have the time or patience to write out a thousand situations.

Speaking of situations.

One of the weakest aspects of reading about getting an ex back online is the fact that no matter what article you stumble across it isn’t going to be geared toward your situation totally.

Maybe it just offers general advice…

Maybe it doesn’t even offer that.

Here is my point, I have been making an effort on Ex Girlfriend Recovery lately to gear my articles towards all situations and this one isn’t going to be any different.

So, here is how I have decided to structure this article.

This is going to be a two part article.

PART ONE: I am going to dish out general advice on the strategies you can use to overcome your ex girlfriend being hurt.

PART TWO: I am then going to dish out more strategies directly relating to each of the situations above.

In other words, you are going to be getting the best of both worlds with this article.

Ya… We are just that cool here at Ex Girlfriend Recovery.

PART ONE: Strategies To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back If You Hurt Her

Alright, lets turn our attention to some of the strategies that you can use to get your ex girlfriend back if you ended up hurting her.

Now, I do want to say that before we get started this section is going to be pretty comprehensive. However, it isn’t going to be as comprehensive in a technical aspect.

What do I mean by that?

Well, I am only focusing on big picture stuff here. If you want more technical aspects of getting your girlfriend back like exact things to say or timelines on what has to happen I suggest you check out Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.

Now that, that is out of the way lets talk about the strategies that you can use if you hurt your ex girlfriend.

Screen Shot 2016-03-01 at 1.56.31 AM copy 3

This graphic encompasses the main strategies that I think you should be employing to get your ex girlfriend back if you hurt her.

Well…. there’s no use beating around the bush.

Lets just get right into it.

The Apology (Not To Be Confused With Begging)

apologize

Believe it or not this may be the single most effective thing that you can do.

Yesterday when I was mapping out this entire article I did some research online to try to figure out what some of my peers were saying about the subject of hurting an ex girlfriend and the truth is that I couldn’t find anything that I connected with which is rare.

What do I mean by that?

Well, when I am researching an article I usually read a lot into the topic and through that reading something makes a light bulb go off in my head and I know exactly what I want to write about but I had a lot of trouble with this article.

Seriously… I was on the verge of scraping it.

And it was making me mad.

I hate failing when it comes to you guys.

Anyways, my wife must have picked up on the fact that I was very visibly upset and she said two simple words that changed everything,

“What’s wrong?”

I explained my predicament to her.

I was reading a lot on the subject but I didn’t necessarily agree with anything I was reading.

I had ideas but none that were worthy of writing about.

That’s when she started chiming in with her personal experiences.

Let’s hit the pause button for a second.

My wife has had some horrible experiences with her exes. Hell, she’s been cheated on and wronged in more ways than I can count so when she chimes in with any of her personal experiences I sit up and listen.

That’s when the light-bulb went off in my head.

lightbulb

“You have had some horrible exes, right? And I think you have even taken a few back who have hurt you. What did they do to convince you? What worked on you?”

Oh, and in case you are wondering what my wife looks like,

wife

Ya… don’t think that I am dumb. I know you are probably sitting there wondering how hot she is.

The Answer = VERY!

But that’s besides the point.

What worked on her was a heartfelt apology.

I believe her exact words were,

“To be honest… When my ex apologized for what he had done and he was literally crying in front of me all I could think was, “please don’t cry.” But you can’t tell the men that Chris.”

On the contrary, I can and I will Jen!

Look, I am not above anything.

My one goal with this website is to help you in your situation to the best of my ability and if that means recommending something that I may personally think puts you at a disadvantage then I will do it so long as I have seen it work.

And if a woman as beautiful as my wife is telling me that it worked on her…

Then I am left to assume that it’s going to work on other women.

But what kind of apology are we talking about here?

Hmm… that’s a very good question.

If you look at my wife’s statement above then you will notice that she never mentioned begging was a part of the apology.

She also did mention tears which I will admit works on me (can’t believe I just admitted that.)

Basically if you want to win a fight with me the best way is to bring out the water works and all of a sudden I will change my tune… God I hope my wife doesn’t read this.

But I don’t think tears are going to get you anywhere here.

What really needs to happen is a heartfelt apology from you regarding whatever it is that you did to hurt your ex girlfriend.

But What If The Apology Doesn’t Work?

Good question!

Honestly, I wouldn’t hold my breath that it would work BUT at least you will have tried. Don’t freak out just because one thing you tried didn’t work. It’s sort of like baseball in that way. Baseball is the only sport I can think of where a guy is looked at as a superstar if he fails more times than he succeeds.

What’s a great batting average for a baseball player?

BA: .300

Right?

In other words, out of ten at bats if a baseball player gets three hits he is looked at as a super star.

So, he failed to get a hit 7 times.

Getting your ex girlfriend to forgive you is a lot like that.

Not all of these strategies will work for you but as long as you keep trying and get one hit you are going to make some serious progress.

It’s a lot like baseball in that way.

Let’s move on to our next strategy.

Which is my personal pick for the best one that you should use.

The Value Chain

value

I have an admission to make.

When I first started Ex Girlfriend Recovery I didn’t talk much about “The Value Chain.”

The truth is that I hadn’t even thought it up yet.

All I had done was some basic research on how to get an ex back and off I went.

So naive… It really wasn’t until I started interacting with the visitors here that I was able to formulate a solid game plan to get an ex back.

That game plan is the value chain.

Hmm… Perhaps I should make a graphic depicting the value chain.

value chain

Alright, if this doesn’t make any sense to you then that’s ok. We aren’t going to be doing an in-depth look at every section of the value chain today. If you want that I suggest you pick up my book,

Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO

What I really want to talk about today is the purpose of this value chain.

First things first, what is a value chain?

Well, businesses often use a value chain to describe how their products get from the hands of a manufacturer to the hands of a customer.

In other words, they use the value chain to see how a product starts at point A and gets to point B.

Well, we are using the value chain in the same way here.

Right now you are at point A (a place where you have hurt your ex) and you are wanting to get to point B (A place where she isn’t hurt anymore and she wants you back.)

The value chain above is the road map that connects the two points,

A to b

But I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet.

This article is about how to get your ex back assuming you hurt her, right?

Well, what if I told you that just by completing the steps I have listed in the value chain above you work towards a reality where she isn’t as hurt anymore.

When I came up with the idea for the value chain I actually worked in the fact that a lot of ex girlfriends out there were going to be hurt.

So, how does it work you ask?

Well, if you read my article about getting an ex back fast you would know that generally speaking getting an ex girlfriend back isn’t a quick process. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. On average, if you do everything right, it can take up to 2-3 months to get an ex girlfriend back.

So, if this process is going to take three months do you honestly think that your ex is going to be as angry with you as she is right now in three months?

Of course not.

Time tends to do that to people.

So, the value chain has that going for it but I created the value chain in a way that you never go too fast too soon.

I like comparing it to taking a dip into the ocean.

Let’s say that you are at a beach and it’s 75 degrees (Fahrenheit) outside. In other words, it’s hot but it’s not too hot. Anyways, you decide that you want to take a dip into the ocean and the second your foot hits the water a shiver is sent up your spine.

IT’S COLD!

What do you do?

Do you just jump in head first and hope for the best?

No way…

You slowly wade in.

You take a step and the water is up to your ankles.

You take another step and it’s up to your shin.

Then your thighs

Then your waist…

Then your chest…

And then you are ready to play and frolic around.

The value chain works in the same way. It slowly wades in so you don’t appear very threatening to your ex. In other words, it’s designed to minimize damage and it’s probably the thing I would recommend the most for you to do if you are trying to get an ex back who you hurt.

Now, I realize I didn’t get into the details of what the value chain is comprised of but I wrote a whole book about it, PRO.

Besides, I have a lot of other tricks up my sleeve to teach you.

Showing Class

old sport

Breakups tend to bring out the worst in everyone.

You are upset…

She is upset…

You say things…

She says thing…

All in all breakups are a recipe for disaster when it comes to behavior.

I’ll never forget a story my wife told me about one of her friends, Lynn. Lynn and her new boyfriend had just moved into a new apartment together and one day, after a long day at work, Lynn came home to an empty house.

Her boyfriend was gone which wasn’t exactly abnormal for this time of day but what was abnormal was the fact that he left his laptop open on the table.

Kind of like this,

laptop on table

Now, I think you can see where this is going.

She saw the laptop and got curious as to what he was looking at.

So, she opened the laptop up and found something that would change her reality forever.

He had been cheating.

The proof was right in front of her eyes.

Apparently, her new boyfriend had been cheating on her for quite some time.

(She backdated the emails to figure out when the affair had started.)

Now, in her anger she decided the best thing to do was to go all Hollywood,

hollywood

Except instead of throwing her boyfriends clothes out the window she threw his clothes down the stairs to their apartment.

His laptop too.

I think the police were called.

But that’s besides the point. My ultimate point in telling you this story is to explain that breakups no matter how “light” tend to make people do things that aren’t going to help them in the future.

Let me give you an example.

You are reading this article because you hurt your ex girlfriend and you are hoping to figure out how you can resolve the situation in a way that will help you get her back.

Well, let’s say that you said or did something that made your ex girlfriend even angrier at you post breakup.

Do you honestly think that’s going to help you get her back?

Of course not!

Instead, my recommendation to you is to handle everything with class.

The breakup…

Her annoying friends that keep bugging you…

The baggage…

Handle it all with class.

You don’t want to give your ex girlfriend any extra ammunition that she can use as a reason to NOT get back with you.

To be honest I am not quite sure there is anything more I can say to add on to this one.

Besides, it’s really the next few pieces of advice that I am about to give you that will really move the needle.

Jealousy

jealous

A few months ago I conducted an independent study on a portion of the success stories that I have had.

My aim with this study was to find out what was working and what wasn’t working.

While I will admit that I hadn’t done the best job of collecting successes over the years (I probably have had close to 500 but had only collected about 50) the study still proved to be very educational. You see, I am the type of guy that is skeptical about a lot of stuff.

Sometimes I need cold hard data to change my beliefs on something.

I guess you can say that I don’t have a lot of faith without scientific evidence.

But I am getting off topic here.

One of the most shocking discoveries that I encountered while doing my analysis was the fact that jealousy seemed to be one of the most popular and effective tactics.

Hmm… perhaps it’s better if I just show you by using one of the successes,

Screen Shot 2016-03-22 at 2.21.57 PM

This woman actually told her ex that she should probably find someone who wants her after the breakup.

Bold…

But it worked.

She got him back.

But your situation is unique in the fact that you hurt your ex. So, the question you are probably kicking around in your mind right now is,

“Is Jealousy Even Worth Using?”

Yes, but only a certain type of jealousy.

What I am about to tell you is something that I have never written before on Ex Girlfriend Recovery. Hell, I haven’t even put this in “Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO” yet. It’s a new type of jealousy and I can’t even take credit for it.

This was the brainchild of my wife (who I have talked about a lot so far in this article.)

Getting A Friend Involved

I know this sounds weird but there is a method to the madness and if you do this correctly it can arguably be the most powerful form of jealousy that you can use to your favor.

Here’s how it works.

Imagine that you and your ex girlfriend share a mutual friend who is a woman. A BEAUTIFUL woman. Now lets pretend that this mutual friend has always liked you a bit more than your ex girlfriend.

Not that she hates your girlfriend it’s just that you and this mutual friend go way back.

You have known each other for pretty much your whole lives.

Therefore, her loyalty is with you as opposed to your ex girlfriend.

Now, let’s say that you pull this friend aside and let her in on your plan to get your ex girlfriend back and you need her help. You need her to vouch for you in front of your ex girlfriend.

You need her to say something like,

“Man, isn’t he so great. I can’t believe I have never dated him before. I am seriously thinking about it. The way he makes me feel inside is just so amazing. But I wanted to get your opinion first.”

In other words, you want this friend to vouch for you so much that she creates competition.

Competition

compeition

Competition is a beautiful thing.

It serves two purposes.

It proves that you are considered to be a man of higher value and oftentimes women treat men better who aren’t easy to get.

Let’s walk a mile in your ex girlfriends shoes.

Your ex girlfriend is a woman and probably a beautiful one at that.

She’s used to snapping her fingers and getting any man she wants.

But along comes this guy who she has to fight for.

She has to struggle…

In other words, she snaps her fingers and nothing happens. What’s worse, is that she is going to have to fight other women for the right to be with him. Don’t you think she is going to cherish a guy like that much more as opposed to a guy that she can get with a flick of her wrist?

Of course!

And creating competition with another woman… a mutual friend can make this happen.

It’s going to shell shock her into trying to win you back as opposed to the other way around.

Now, some men are going to read this and say,

“Hmm… I like the idea but I think it’s too risky. What if she just gives up entirely and encourages the other girl to get me?”

It doesn’t matter.

No really… it doesn’t.

The purpose here isn’t to win her back with this one method. It’s to re-position yourself in her eyes. Before the incident where another girl was basically asking permission to date you she viewed you as an ex boyfriend who she didn’t like very much but after this incident she is going to wake up and realize that other women are very interested in you.

That does something to women.

Competition breeds success.

But what if she actively tries to discourage the mutual friend from dating you?

It doesn’t matter.

This mutual friend isn’t really trying to win you and she could potentially be trying to sabotage any new relationship you form so she can win you back herself. It’s not out of the realm of possibility.

What matters is that she sees first hand that other women are interested in you.

If you can create that kind of an atmosphere nothing can go wrong because you are going to be making an indirect point, that you are a hot commodity among women and she is missing out.

Moving On Increases Value

move

But lets say that you do all of this.

Let’s say you give a heartfelt apology…

You use the value chain…

You show class…

You incite jealousy…

Create competition…

And you still feel that you aren’t any closer to your goal of getting your ex girlfriend back who you hurt.

What is there left to do?

Most people will tell you to give up and I happen to agree with them but not because I think you should actually give up. It’s just that for the last four years I have been knee deep in “ex recovery” and I have began noticing some very interesting trends.

Particularly the trend that sometimes the best thing to do to get an ex back is to simply move on.

I know it sounds counter intuitive but rushing is often an enemy when it comes to getting an ex back. Sometimes the best thing you can do is let more time go by to make an ex realize what she lost out on.

The example I always like to cite here is actually a podcast episode I did on my other site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

You see, on EBR I do a weekly podcast where I advise women on how to handle their situations with their exes. And in one of the first episodes that I ever did I got a question from a woman named Melissa who asked,

“Can moving on work to get an ex back?”

Melissa had tried everything that she could possibly think of to get her ex back but nothing seemed to work. So, not being a woman that would just wait around she decided that the best thing to do in her situation was to move on.

So she did…

She healed from the breakup.

She started focusing on her career and other aspects of her life.

She finally became happy again and that’s when it happened.

A year removed from the breakup she heard from her ex again who wanted to hang out all the time.

In other words, he wanted her back.

Apparently he had seen how well she was doing in her life and found her attractive again.

Funny how moving on can expedite this process, huh?

Well, that’s what we are trying to tap into here. We are trying to move on with our lives so that our ex girlfriends will see that they missed out on something special.

PART TWO: What To Do In Your Specific Situation

Now, I have been claiming that I am making an active effort to improve the quality of the content on this website by doing a better job of matching your individual situation with the advice I dish out.

However, that puts me in a difficult position because there are literally thousands of ways that you could hurt your ex girlfriend (no offense.)

So, in an effort to make all of our lives easier I am going to stereotype a bit.

I am going to take the most popular situations where an ex boyfriend hurts his ex girlfriend and give you a few tips on how to approach that situation should you find yourself in it.

Here is a rundown of what we are going to be talking about,

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I guess we should start with the big one…

You Hurt Her By Cheating

Here’s the big question…

What can you do to get an ex girlfriend back if you cheated on her?

Well, my first piece of advice to you is to actually check out this page. To date, that is one of my favorite pages because the advice I give out there is probably the only way that I think will give you a legitimate chance.

On this page what I would really like to focus on is what strategies will work if you cheated and what strategies won’t.

If you recall, I gave you six of my very best strategies to make amends with an ex assuming you hurt her. Here’s a quick recap,

Screen Shot 2016-03-01 at 1.56.31 AM copy 3

Now, some of these strategies will work if you cheated and some of them won’t.

I’d like to let you in on which ones those are so you don’t make the mistake of implementing a failing strategy. Sound good?

Ok, I have decided that the best way to signify what you should do versus what you shouldn’t do is to use checks and “X’s.”

So…

Check = Do The Strategy

X = Do NOT Do The Strategy

Screen-Shot-2016-03-01-at-1.56.31-AM-copy-3

To be honest this one is pretty self explanatory.

You are going to want to do every strategy that I taught you above with the exception of the ones involving members of the opposite sex.

Why?

Well, cheating has a way of creating insecurity issues within women and if you were to try to win your ex back by making her jealous or trying to get her into a competition with another girl then the chances are high that she won’t respond to it.

Think of it like this.

If your ex girlfriend is considering getting back with you after you hurt her by cheating on her and then you post a picture on Facebook with another girl then all of a sudden you are going to kill any progress you made because your ex is going to be sitting there thinking,

“I can’t trust him.”

That’s not where you want to be. You want to be in a position where you are the most trustworthy man alive.

Get it?

Let’s move on.

You Hurt Her By Flirting With Other Women

This is an interesting situation in the fact that when I say, “flirting with other women,” that’s all I mean.

In other words, no actual cheating took place.

Hmm…

Maybe it’s better if I gave you an example.

Ok, let’s say that during your relationship with your ex girlfriend she would always complain that you were spending too much time with other women. She would constantly see you talking to them and flirting with them.

This hurt her on a deep level and ultimately spelled the end of your relationship with her.

What can you do to win her back in this type of a situation?

Good question!

I am going to say something that may strike you as controversial but it’s something that you absolutely need to hear.

Even though you didn’t cheat on your ex girlfriend you still need to treat the situation as if you cheated. In other words, use this post as your guide for getting her back.

Flirting with other women is still going to bring out the same insecurities within your ex girlfriend as it would if you had cheated on her.

Therefore, we can take a page from the cheating book as to what strategies will work and what strategies won’t work,

Screen-Shot-2016-03-01-at-1.56.31-AM-copy-3

This is pretty self explanatory.

Let’s move on and talk about some of the more interesting situations.

You Hurt Her By Fighting

Out of all the situations I have listed in part two of this article this is the one that I can relate to the most.

My ex and I used to fight a lot.

And these weren’t the type of fights that were little squabbles. No, these were nasty fights.

With yelling…

Screaming…

Crying…

Seriously, I remember once thinking to myself,

“Are all relationships like this? We fight on average once every single week.”

It’s funny, everything was fine until about the two month mark (AKA: The end of the honeymoon period.)

I remember it well because we got into a massive fight over something that I still think to this day I was 100% right about.

But maybe I will let you be the judge of who is right and wrong.

Here’s the situation, I had just got out of seeing a movie with my family and I decided to text my “then girlfriend” to see how she was. It took her about ten minutes to respond,

Screen Shot 2016-03-29 at 3.17.27 PM

I saw the text and immediately I started worrying.

Why?

Well, her friend Kelsey was notoriously the type of girl who would always cause trouble.

But I had to keep my cool. I had to not let her know that I was worrying about her while at the same time prying into what was really going on at this “sleepover.”

So, I pried…

And pried…

And pried…

And then eventually I pried enough to two things.

Thing #1: My girlfriend had lied to me.

Thing #2: The lie = the sleepover wasn’t at Kelsey’s house… It was at a guy named Jason’s…

The moment I heard this I reacted the way you would expect any guy to react.

I went batshit crazy trying to understand why she was sleeping over at some guy’s house.

And therein lied the greatest fight of our relationship.

It was a disagreement on our moral beliefs around dating.

You see, I was of the mind that if you are dating someone the only place you should have a sleepover at another guys house.

And she was of the mind that she was with a group of girls and they were sleeping over a mutual friends house who happened to be a guy so there was nothing wrong.

Now, I see her point a little bit.

But here’s what she neglected to tell me at the time.

Before dating me she had a massive crush on this guy.

And after we broke up guess who she dated?

Yup, the same guy.

But all fights are disagreements on things. You had a fight with your ex girlfriend and it hurt her.

You believed what you believed and she believed what she believed and your wills clashed. So, what kind of strategy can you employ to smooth things over and get your relationship back on track?

Screen-Shot-2016-03-01-at-1.56.31-AM-copy-3

How about all of them?

As it turns out, all of the strategies I have taught you on this page will work for getting an ex back assuming you hurt her through a massive fight.

You Hurt Her By Lowering Her Self Esteem

Easter just concluded.

That’s important to note for one reason because it meant that my assistants who handle most of the emails that we get had vacation. Therefore, over the Easter holiday emails really piled up.

I think we had something insane like 400 unopened emails in a day.

Well, at the beginning of this week I set a goal that I wanted all of the emails to be answered by the end of the week. However, I knew that in order to successfully reach this goal I would have to step up and help out.

So, that’s what I did.

I took about 80 of those unanswered emails and started handing out advice to those who wanted it.

I happened to come across a really interesting situation where a woman was confused as to whether she wanted to take her ex back. You see, he was very controlling throughout their relationship and set very strict rules.

Any time that she would break one of these rules he would berate her and put her down.

The Result = Her self esteem took a massive hit.

As this process repeated itself it pushed her to the breaking point and she ended up breaking up with him. After some time passed he ended up coming back into the picture and started begging for her back.

Great news, right?

Well, there was just one problem.

She didn’t know if she wanted to get back with him. She had been hurt on such a deep level that she had these constant flashbacks of history repeating itself.

So, let’s say you find yourself in this position.

Let’s say that you put your ex girlfriend down.

Let’s say that you hurt her self esteem.

And let’s say that you get to a point where she is considering taking you back. The big headwind that you are going to be facing revolves around convincing her that history isn’t going to repeat itself.

Seriously, your sole focus should revolve around displaying qualities that make her think,

“Wow, he has changed. He’s not like he used to be.”

Let me help you out a bit more.

Here are the tactics I think are going to be ideal for a situation like this,

Screen-Shot-2016-03-01-at-1.56.31-AM-copy-3

Well, I’ll be damned.

Looks like all of the tactics are going to work in this situation.

I guess it’s your lucky day.

You Hurt Her By Putting Her Last

What does this even mean?

Hurting her by putting her last?

Now, before you scoff at the idea I just want to say something.

Relationships are kind of like plants.

I know…

I know…

It’s a weird analogy but bear with me hear.

What does a plant need to survive?

Sunlight and water, right?

I mean, it doesn’t need it absolutely every single day but if you go… say… three days without putting a plant in the sunlight or feeding it water it’s going to wither away and eventually die.

Relationships are the same way.

They intimacy, trust and all that good stuff.

But perhaps the most underrated factor is the fact that they require TIME.

Yes, you actually have to spend time with your significant other.

And for those of you who are in a long distance relationship raising your hands in protest all I will say is this.

I was in an LDR (long distance relationship) for six months and I still found the time to carve out 2 to 3 hours a day to talk to my girlfriend on the phone.

Time is essential to make a relationship survive.

But what if your ex girlfriend wasn’t your top priority? What if you spent all of your time out at bars or hanging out with your friends?

What if this happened so much that it hurt her to the point that she wanted to break up with you.

What can you do to recover from this?

Here’s what you can do,

Screen-Shot-2016-03-01-at-1.56.31-AM-copy-3

So, a couple of things to take note of here.

The first thing is why we don’t use jealousy.

Let’s say that you were not prioritizing your time with your ex girlfriend too well. Instead, you spent all of your time barhopping with your friends. That act alone is enough to make any woman jealous.

Oftentimes, the mind is the worst enemy for any human being.

I mean, look at the situation from her perspective.

You are putting yourself in a position where cheating is likely.

  • You aren’t spending time with her
  • You are at a bar where everyone knows people go to hit on other people
  • You are with your friends who aren’t exactly the best influence

Your ex girlfriend is going to be very insecure about your extracurricular activities that don’t involve her. So, why would you purposefully try to make her jealous when she already is worried to death that she may have been cheated on by you?

It’s not going to do anything to raise your chances of getting her back.

		

Written by EGR team mate

Chris Seiter

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213 Comments on "You Hurt Your Ex Girlfriend And Want Her Back… But How?"

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Sam
Guest
I was dating my ldr gf for 7 months and for most of those months it was amazing to the point of being truly happy for the first time. It was amazing but i dragged on some painful baggage from my previous relationship to the point of comparing her every once in a while with my ex along with my depression getting in the way. She broke up with me due to me not being there for her and losing trust in me and even said that while she still had feelings for me she could not trust me anymore… Read more »
James
Guest
My ex girlfriend and I had been together for 2.5 years since we were 16 and 19. She is a kind of woman nowdays that loves by standing by your side while I tend to do things from the distance. We have done all sort of things by each other, but since my grandpa’s death (never had seen a death before) I closed into myself and put her apart (took her for granted). She left me 2 weeks ago saying she didn’t trust anymore on us, that she could not handle and that this was a point in our relationship… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi James,

Start the nc rule. Do at least 30 days. That’s good that you’re in therapy.. Heal and improve during and after nc while you slowly build rapport and be active in posting in social media too.

Jeremiah
Guest
I have had dated my gf for 2.5 years and we go to the same school. We had originally been long distance but we ended up transferring to a new school together. After during finals of the first semester, I pushed her away because I needed to focus and she had come to me crying saying she felt the distance I said I would change and it didn’t happen because I was so busy. This happened 2 more times from the end of the semester into winter break because I had 2 classes so I couldn’t see her. At the… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jeremiah,

If you’re doing nc, that means you have to break the streak. You have to focus in improving and healing yourself but being active in posting also but if she messages you, unless she literally says she wants to get back together, you can’t reply nor initiate contact with her.

Ancheet
Guest

Hey
So I finished 30 days nc
And I texted her
And she even replied neutrally
After I ended the conversation
She blocked me
Its almost as if she wants to remove mr from her life
I feel hopeless
What do I do now?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

She gave a negative response.. what was the text you sent?

Ancheet
Guest

Hey
So I finished 30 days nc
And I texted her
And she even replied neutrally
After I ended the conversation
She blocked me
Its almost as if she wants to remove mr from her life
What do I do now?

xsoe
Guest
Native english speaker here. Hi, my ex girlfriend of 6 months brokeup with me one week ago, and it getting worse and worse for me everyday. I didnt cheat on her or anything, but i have written with a girl who i used to date but, and i didnt tell her that, which i shouldn’t have. Before she broke up with me, she checked my phone and found the messages between the girl and i. I apologized to her og regretted everything, but it was too late. She said that she doesnt want to be in a relationship with me… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi,

Yes, restart nc and follow the advice on what to do if you cheated..even though you think you didn’t..for her you did..

Ancheet
Guest

Hey
So in a really tight spot
My relationship falls into the restrictions category
Except I begged and we we’re in a ldr
And my ex seems happy without me
Its been a month since the breakup and I started no contact a week ago(but I feel like that’s exactly what she wants)
Also she behaves really cold when talking to me

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Ancheet,

I’m not sure if you’ve read my reply in your other comment but I’ll paste it here and I can’t guarantee that Chris can answer soon to you too.

That’s why you need to make the most of your nc and to keep improving yourself and being active in posting even after it while slowly building rapport.. You can do 45 days

Dev
Guest
Hello, I really screwed up with my girlfriend. I was trying to have sex with her one night even though she was sick. I didn’t stop at first cause she didn’t seem sick. I eventually stopped but the damage was already done. A couple days later I asked if I could see her and she ended up breaking up with me, saying I don’t seem to care about her and that she doesn’t feel the same way anymore. That was about 5-6 weeks ago. I apologized and she said she accepts my apology but she said we’re not getting back… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Dev,

Do you want to try the no contact rule?

Sebastian
Guest
My girlfriend and I broke up September 9. I was very on edge on that week because I was robbed at gunpoint earlier in the week and anxiety had persisted. It was a very nasty break up. I said some truly awful, hurtful things to her. In my blind fury, I texted her that I would have no problem moving on from her. She promptly blocked me on just about everything except for Twitter. We both ended up at the same party exactly one month after our break up, but we didn’t talk to each other (I did get incredibly… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Sebastian,

Are you texting now?

Sebastian
Guest
I broke up with my girlfriend September 9. It was a nasty break up. I was extremely on edge that week because i was robbed at gunpoint earlier in the week and was very anxious. We got into an argument and I snapped and said some pretty nasty, hurtful things. I texted her in my blind fury that I would have no problem moving on. Exactly a month later, we ended up at the same party but didn’t interact at all, but we definitely acknowledged each other’s presence (I did manage to get too drunk and make an ass out… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Sebastian,

Are you texting now?

Alan Richardson
Guest
My relationship was coming up to three years. at the start things were great and we literally worshipped each other. In time I kept hearing people say I was not good enough and it damaged my self-esteem and I became distant and in a bad place. It carried on festering in me for over a year and we never talked about what was going on with me. I would lash out at the people I loved, put them down and neglect her with intimacy issues. I decided to get my life together and spent alot of time at the gym,… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Alan,

You can’t change somebody else. That will be their own decision.

Tushar
Guest
Me and my ex gf broke up 5 months ago we didn’t talked in between as we had a really harsh fight after breakup she thinks I just used her but that’s not true she is not ready to understand the real matter and even she is saying many lies and have become different person! We talked a week ago and had a really bad fight as when I went to talk to her she starts shouting. And we both end up fighting but yesterday I went again and this time she was shouting but I keep calm ! She… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

What did you say when she said that?

Tushar
Guest

I told her that o knw the ending was not good but I don’t want you to hate me as we had spent a quality time so I just want to clear things which you have misunderstood but she was getting irritated sometimes she said you earlier used to give me a lot of time but after that didn’t . Then suddenly she said but I don’t wanna discuss that. So I said Ohk as you say! And went from there! What should I do?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

if you’ve already talked to her, explained everything and apologized.. stop chasing her.. because if you don’t respect yourself, no one else will.

Marko
Guest
Man Chris, I did something really really stupid… I think I totally screwed up! Well here is what happened: My Ex girlfriend broke up with me on the 1st of August. It was because I “changed” and she didn’t like me how I was right now. Well, at the beginning of the relationship I was always happy and optimistic and had big goals in life, but then I was often upset about everything and often annoyed, which wasn’t the old me. And then she went to another country for 2 months and we had rarely contact, so we kinda disconnected… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Yeah, change first and keep changing and improving..dont chase again

Zach
Guest

So exgf Broke up with me 2+ weeks ago. I went right to NC. She hasn’t reached out. Last weekend we hung out with mutual friends at a concert. She was being friendly and by the end of the show was dancing next to me. We walked back together but didn’t talk us.

Should I apologize to her for how we ended via phone call or should I continue on NC and reach out in a few weeks?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Continue in nc

Zach
Guest

Should I start it back over from the last meeting or would the original 30 days still work. I’m guessing restarting.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

if you didn’t talk about the relationship nor feelings, no need to restart.

Looking4help
Guest
My girlfriend is hurt that I pushed her away after being hurt myself over the loss of a loved one. I was very down in the dumps, and she said it felt like nothing she was doing was helping, and that I pushed her away. I apologized to her once, expressed my remorse, and that I’ve made and am making changes. I asked her for the chance to prove it, and she told me she didn’t know and wants time to figure it all out. She will still say I love you through text messages, but I haven’t seen nor… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

If you’re not broken up yet, don’t do nc yet but focus more in your activities and let her initiate and when you do talk or see each other have fun

Jervon
Guest
Hi 4 moths back i was confused and broke up with my ex girlfriend.She was a nice girl but we had our issues.I was not being romantic enough because i was afraid to be for some reason.This hurt her very much yet i was still the one hat ended up breaking it off stupid right.I see now that was a mistake.She recently kissed another guy but she says she just wanted to feel loved so it didn’t mean anything.She is hesitant to get back with me because she is afraid it just going to be all depressing again.I promised her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Do you want to try the no contact rule and the advice above?

Abhijeet
Guest
Hi, I was looking for some advice regarding ex-recovery. Me and my girlfriend broke up 3 months ago.We were in a relationship for two and a half years. We lived together for 9 months. But things started to change between us because of the distance. It was me who initiated the break-up by misbehaving, verbally abusing and hurting her self-respect. We had a fight and then she said she needed time to think about me, to have feelings for me, or to miss me.But then she broke up. I wrote a heartfelt apology and sent it to her. But we… Read more »
Abhijeet
Guest

Should I be in absolute no contact till we meet again via our common friends?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

when are you meeting again?

Josh
Guest
Hey, My ex left two months ago and has been very resistant to all methods. I cannot do no contact, as we live together, but i treated her nicely and with respect in our few interactions within that month. Recently, she has revealed to me (on accident, i think) that she’s still upset at me over how I had hurt her. I even took counseling to help address the problems, and believe to have put it all behind me, but she still seems unwilling to see it. I have the recovery program, but so far it has been ineffective in… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor
Mike
Guest
Hi Chris and Amor, My ex and I have been together almost 2 years, everything was so perfect and I had very good relationship with her parents, especially her Mom. However, my ex broke up with me after a fight about three months ago when she was abroad… Actually, it was me who started to break up when we fought. I was just upset and regretted the day after. She was broken-hearted and didn’t want to break up at first. But after a few days ignoring me she decided to break up instead. I was shocked and hurt when I… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mike,

I think you should restart and do 45 days..this time, dont talk to her mom and don’t initiate a conversation with her mom after nc.. be active in posting your activities in social media so that it would like you accepted her decision and chose to move on..

Al
Guest
Hi Chris and Amor I just broke up with my long distance relationship girlfreind. We have been togthere for 18 months. During this period our relationship had been rocky mainly because she wanted to get married and I was not ready. She also felt I did not give enough time even though we spent at least 2 hrs a day chatting. She was jaleousy but I could live with that. I never cheated on her. I love her to death. The last argument we had was about me visiting her this summer. She was suppose to meet me somewhere away… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

have you talked to her about those reasons you said?

Al
Guest
Hi Chris and Amor I just broke up with my long distance relationship girlreind. We have been togthere for 18 months. During this period our relationship had been rocky mainly because she wanted to get married and I was not ready. She also felt I did not give enough time even though we spent at least 2 hrs a day chatting. She was jaleousy but I could live with that. I never cheated on her. I love her to death. The last argument we had was about me visiting her this summer. She was suppose to meet me somewhere away… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

have you talked to her about those reasons you said?

Marcus
Guest
Hey, my ex and i dated for more than a year already. During this rs,i was sweet to her at times and i committed myself to her most of the time. But i was very petty and controlling at times. I got irritated over the small things and i got very sarcastic to her. She was a very sweet and nice girl who loves me a lot and i can strongly feel that. She eye candied me first and we got close and subsequently into a rs. She puts me first in the life but i took her for granted… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Marcus,

try to restart the no contact period, stick to it, do at least 30 days. Focus in improving yourself, and then slowly rebuild rapport after..

Thomas
Guest
Hi, i’m in kind of a tricky situation here and i desperately need help!! Here’s the thing, I completed the 30 day no contact period with my ex and she actually texted me a few days after it by coincidence. We talked a little and had a meet to exchange items and have talk. Things were great, she obviously still had feelings for me but even if she was still emotional about the breakup but we ended up texting eachother anyways a lot for a week, she even called me once and we saw eachother twice… Thing is that after… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Thomas,

yeah, I think it was too early to do those things.. Just rest from initiating for now..maybe a week or twk

Thomas
Guest

Last thing i want is to upset her even more… We talked about the breakup a couple of times after a few days because she wanted to and i feel like that’s what made her even more upset… She said to me she wanted to move on last time we spoke i forgot to mention that i don’t know if it changes anything… I can try to contact her again in a couple weeks is there any advice you can give me for when i will do so?

Thank you already Amor!!

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

hmm..you mean when you will contact her again? yes, try after two weeks

Thomas
Guest

Okay i will try that sorry about my english im french!
Thank you so much Amor!

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

it’s ok! You’re welcome!

jonni
Guest
Hi, i really need your help. Last week, me and my girlfriend broke up. She lost interest in me and it was killing me. Sometimes, she would argue with me over stupid things, we had lots of fights, and im devastated by the things i said to her. We lived together, but she was working in another city this month, and last week, we were going back home, when we got home, she broke up with me because the house wasnt clean enough, we have 4 cats and 2 dogs, and i left home to go see her in this… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jonni,

let her cool down.. I think you should only do 21 days but very active during those days.. look like you’ve accepted her decision

Alex
Guest

I fall into this category. Its been about a week and I’m taking the advice, which has helped lay out a path and I’m appreciating the guidance.

Is there a way to get direct consulting on my case? I don’t really have time to read volumes of books – plus I think i would lose time and not be able to complete material / implement strategy quick enough.

Please let me know! Thank you

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Alex
As of the moment we dont have personal coaching but you can try sending an email in the contact page..

P
Guest
Hey I love your steps of getting your ex back but I need your help and what should I do ? So me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 years now, and she just broke up with me, she said that she don’t want to be with me because I hurt multiple times in our relationship (I never cheated on her with another girl physically) but I have been caught txting other girls I should have and I have lied about it but I never did it again.. so after that we head to West Virginia together for… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi P,

just be civil with her..yes, say hi back and then walk away.. Improve yourself..do better in school, always look good, go out more with friends, have fun.. But dont look like a player..

Jay
Guest
I’ve been in an on again off again relationship for 5 months now and I really want her back. We often fought because she very much wanted to take things slow even though she always agreed to be exclusive. We would fight because she was flaky and often slow to answer my texts/calls which made me insecure about being strung along. Our most recent “relationship” which ended almost a month ago lasted less than 2 weeks. I got in a fight with her on the phone because she took 3 hours to answer the phone the day before I was… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jay,

Yeah, it can be. How is your relationship with her kid?

Jay
Guest

It was ok when I saw him, but she always kept distance between us. I am very mature for my age, I am financially independent whereas she lives with parents, if that makes a difference. Personally I don’t think the age is a big deal, but do you think she’d rather date a single dad or something?

Jay
Guest

Also, assuming it is possible to get her back what course of action should I take? 2 more weeks of nc then slowly build rapport?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

it’s normal that she would be cautious for her kid, but if you want a higher score in her heart woo her kid too, love her child..and yes, slowly build rapport after nc

Adam
Guest
I broke up with my ex-girlfriend just over three months ago. There was lots of arguing and fighting in the relationship between us (no cheating or violence). During the break up I got very upset and angry with her and I refused to accept the mistakes that I had made in our relationship which I believe actually cost our relationship. I really love her and want her back. So I contacted her after NC for about 2 weeks and she agreed to meet but saying it won’t change anything because she no longer loves me. We met yesterday and I… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Adam,

then you need a restart. She has to think you’ve accepted her decision and you’re now moving on and improving too.

Joe
Guest
Hi, So long story short my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me a month and a half ago (via text/phone) for vague reasons. After the first few days we began texting again, mostly small talk but she would also send me pics of herself too – nothing fancy. Then she didn’t reply to my texts for a week so I sent a handwritten apology letter to her, apologizing for those “vague” reasons that I finally figured out (i.e., being distant/taking her for granted/ being uninteresting) and saying that I’d learned from my mistakes and become a better… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Joe,

I think she is serious and she was just being friendly when she talked to you again.

Joe
Guest

Hi Amor,

Thanks and that sucks lol. The one thing we/I didn’t do is no contact. So I’ll do that now for 30 days (seeing as it’s my only option left). Thanks again, Joe

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

you’re welcome!

Sebastian
Guest
It’s been two months since my girlfriend of eight months broke up with me. We were in love and wanted to spend so much time with each other. Over the summer, we weren’t able to see each other every day, so when fall came I got super clingy. The mistake I made that got me dumped is a lot like what this article said. I damaged her self esteem by being too controlling and demanding too much of her time. I really ruined my chances of getting her back after the break up. I didn’t practice NC because she said… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Sebastian,

are you in the no contact rule now? Don’t say anything negative about her boyfriend in that way, because it will make you look like the enemy.

Chris
Guest
Hi Chris my(17m) girlfriend(17f) of 2 years broke up with me a couple of weeks ago and I’m devastated but I understand and respect why she did it. She did it because often we’d fight about stupid stuff and I’d end up getting mad and ignoring her and it caused a lot of stress on her that she didn’t want in her life. A couple of weeks before we broke up we had a serious discussion after a fight and she basically told me i was going to need to change as most of the fights really did get escalated… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Chris,

I think you should stop trying to be friends and start doing the no contact rule and use that to improve yourself.. THat way, it’s more convincing that you’re changing, because you’re doing it for yourself, not just to chase her.

Mike
Guest
Hi I am Mike, I broke up with my girlfriend (cca 3-4 months ago) cause I am too busy and I have no time (also for myself), and I broke up with her cause I did not want to hurt her telling her everyday that I don’t have time for her and that I can’t meet. Now I am in worst situation then before, cause I want her back, and I realized that I should not break up with her, cause we could maybe manage it somehow also in this situation (she was also telling me that we can do… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mike,

what did she say when you said that? How much did you improve since the breakup?

Mike
Guest

Hi,
She said nothing…. I think that maybe she need some time cause probably I hurted her… after I told her about the mistake she send me some songs and so…. but since few days nothing… not a word…
I plan to invite her in a week to drink something…. but I don’t know if it a good idea?
What do you think?

Mike
Guest

Is is possible to return everything like before?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Try doing the no contact rule to increase your chance for a reset.. improve yourself, fix your your schedule and then slowly rebuild rapport after it

L
Guest
Hello, I will try to keep it short. My girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago. We had something beautifull but because of emotional packages and froustrations from past relationships and in life in general we would fight a lot from nothing. We both got very angry, very fast..especially me, but she never wanted to talk about it and after each fight i would get the NC treatment for about 2 weeks..during this time i can say that i was guilty of every thing Chris explained it’s not ok to do (begging, texting..the entire package)..but every time i… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi L,

I think you need to do 45 days.. focus in improving yourself and then when you start talking, just be friendly..work your slowly in building rapport

L
Guest

Pff..you just bursted my bubble. I was set on doing 30 days..and that’s hard enough. Anyways..i will give it a go. What do i have to lose? Thank you very much!

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

I know… but I’m not here to sugarcoat.. even if there’s no guarantee, it would be better if you had more time improving yourself

L
Guest

You are right! Thank you! Have a nice day 🙂

Jonah Comeaux
Guest
Hi There, My name is Jonah and I have a situation that’s just a little too specific for the book or anything else I subscribed for. My ex’s and I’s relationship ended because I started to take her for granted. She was unhappy for about the last two months. Then she kissed her ex once. I naturally broke up with her immediately, but it didn’t take until a while later that I realized how sorry she was for it. I was so mad I retaliated with sleeping with two other girls after we broke up. A year after this I… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jonah,
do you talk about things that interest her? Are you active in your life?

Jonah Comeaux
Guest

I ask her questions about shows or things I know she likes, or rather things I know she would rant about. So I rant about them thinking she would agree with, and rant with me but she doesn’t.

Jonah Comeaux
Guest

Hi Amor,
I talk about things I know she likes, or rather I rant about things I know get her going as to try to have conformity, but she’ll just agree or just say “that sucks” or something. And yes I am very active.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

That’s good that you’re active.. Try topics that is more current, that you know she likes learning about, or sharing about. Like a topic that you would learn from her.

Jonah Comeaux
Guest

Wonderful, I’ll try that and let you know how it goes!

Joey
Guest
Hello. My girlfriend recently broke up with me and she told me that her feelings for me are not the same. After reflecting on myself, I realize that I was clingy and I believe that is what drove us apart. I involved myself in too many of her problems, which i regret now. I want to change and get her back, but I want her to know what I did wrong. I want to start NC but I have an uneasy feeling that I should apologize for not taking her feelings into consideration and being too clingy. What should I… Read more »
Joey
Guest

Sorry to double post, but the breakup happened about 5 days ago, and I mistakenly asked her how she was doing yesterday. She said she was good. Did I worsen my chance of getting her back?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Joey,
how are you now?

Blair
Guest
Hi there. My situation is a tricky one. I am a girl and I have a girl friend. We were each other’s first love and our relationship was strong, and lasted for about two and a half years. We broke up mid June, and I moved out on the 8th of July. In between this time, we still kissed and had a couple of sexual relationships, but it was not like before. From March this year, I have been quite cold to her for many external reasons, and was not giving her enough attention. She always felt that I loved… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Blair,

you have to restart nc because it was not done properly.. You should do at least 30 days and just focus in yourself, in improving yourself and having a new routine

Blair
Guest

Yesterday we went to dinner, I’m sure she has feelings for me now. It’s enough for a deep meaningful hug but not enough for a kiss on the lips. She even allowed me to kiss her cheeks. What should I do? Should I still do the No contact? will that make us more distant? SHE DID MENTION: That if I don’t talk about my life with her, then she won’t talk either, and eventually our life will be without each other.

Blair
Guest

Yesterday we went to dinner, I’m sure she has feelings for me now. It’s enough for a deep meaningful hug but not enough for a kiss on the lips. She even allowed me to kiss her cheeks. What should I do? Should I still do the No contact? will that make us more distant? SHE DID MENTION: That if I don’t talk about my life with her, then she won’t talk either, and eventually our life will be without each other.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

ok.. you have to choose.. either you do what you think you should do and if doesn’t work out, do proper later or do proper nc and focus in improving yourself..

Blair
Guest

Hi Amor,
She is not responding to ALL my texts. I think I will do the NC. Question is, now that she has friendzoned me, and I’ve actually unknowingly agreed. How do I start the NC? Do I just do it suddenly, or do I say something like: I rather you remember me as a lover than a friend, then do the NC?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Nope, just start nc.. that will just sound like a last cry for a response from her..

Aaron George
Guest
My ex and I have been together for a 1 year and 7 months. And she broke up with me a few days ago, i had disrespected her by calling her a name and she broke up with me this isn’t the first time we broke up. We’ve broken up plenty of times , but this time she said she’s done and she isn’t taking me back. I have made two mistakes that I shouldn’t have according to this website I have begged her and bought her something too to prove that I pay attention to her. I love her… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Aaron,
are uou following Chris’ advice?

Timothy
Guest
Hi there Fantastic article first of !! My ex and I broke up 3 days ago and I told her at the time when she ended it that I was going to block her and she originally said that she didn’t care as she wasn’t going to message me and that she wouldn’t block me, now I’ve gone to unblock her as I felt bad and it turns out she’s also blocked me. Now on the the article…. Right now she’s gone back home which is in a different country for the summer as she’s an international student and is… Read more »
Timothy
Guest

Also in the apology do I Unblock her afterwards and mention it in the apology or do I continue to block her as she knows she can contact me via email, as she contacted me a few minutes after we broke up via email seeing as i blocked her completely but I forgot about blocking her on email.

Timothy
Guest

Sorry one more thing to ask

If I do apologise should I send her a card via post or shall I email her … But I’m not sure if she’s blocked me on email but I know she’s blocked me on whatsapp – but I haven’t contacted her at all since the break up

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Timothy,

you should start active nc.. are you in now?

Timothy
Guest

Yes I’m in now but I haven’t done the apology part that’s what I was asking you about.

Did you read what I wrote you ?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

yep.. sorry about that.. I meant you shouldn’t send the card but focus on being active in nc.. and since you are now, you really can’t send it during it.

John
Guest
I’m 17 years old. My ex had cheated on me with my friend on a hook up, and broke up with me because of the guilt. She says the guilt never leaves her and can’t get back with me because of the guilt. This is was 2 months ago. Lately she has been hanging out with one of my other friends, he kissed her the other day and says she has something small for him. But claims to still love me. She now says she’s confused. Yesterday a girl direct messaged me on Instagram, this girl my ex has hated… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi John,

let her cool off for now, are you in active nc?

John Gonzalez
Guest
I’m 17 years old. My ex had cheated on me with my friend on a hook up, and broke up with me because of the guilt. She says the guilt never leaves her and can’t get back with me because of the guilt. This is was 2 months ago. Lately she has been hanging out with one of my other friends, he kissed her the other day and says she has something small for him. But claims to still love me. She now says she’s confused. Yesterday a girl direct messaged me on Instagram, this girl my ex has hated… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi John,

let her cool off for now, are you in active nc?

EMJ
Guest
I have a girlfriend (now an ex-girlfriend) for 11 months. We broke up yesterday, June 20, and our anniversary will be in this coming July, 17 days from this date of posting. Oh, and her birthday was just the day before we broke up. So this is it. We are each others 2nd boyfriend/girlfriend and 1st legal boyfriend/girlfriend. Our relationship is almost near to perfection, we have so many common friends and family friends and our family knows each other. 8 months into the relationship, she caught me flirting with somebody else. I wouldn’t say I totally flirted with the… Read more »
EMJ
Guest

I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to double check my post and check for the grammar. But it’s still understandable, right? Sorry for that part I used to refer my ex using “his”. Error, it’s “her”. Hope you guys can help me with my concern. Thank you!

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

HI EMJ,

sorry for the late reply.. are you in nc now?

Imrul
Guest
Hi! I had a crush on my classmate for 5 years. We talked nearly everyday on facebook but rarely in person as I didn’t have the confidence to talk to her and she knew about it. I had also told her that I liked her. We went to separate colleges and I feared of losing her and told her. Some time later she became my girlfriend. After that we rarely met as I took her for granted and talk on phone and WhatsApp only. She became fed up and broke up with me in march after 6 months of relationship.… Read more »
Imrul
Guest

Also she told me to move on. But I think she still has feelings for me. There is no other guy involved. She is posting quotes like “when you forgive him for the same mistakes so many times but when you move on you’re the bad one.” Etc.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Imrul,

if she’s not open to talking, just give her space to cool off for now.. do 21 day nc and then use that time to improve yourself so, that you look your best when you meet again.

Mike
Guest
Hi, Myself and my ex broke up one week ago after the best 9 months we’d ever had with anyone. We spoke of marriage and our future children. We had two fights in the space of 6 weeks. Her previous relationship was 5 years they were engaged which she broke off as she fell out of love with him. She went on vacation to a party island with a friend of hers that is engaged, the first night there her friend cheated on her fiancée, my ex called drunk and told me. Now we were so very much in love,… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Mike,

Try to reconnect after a week, and then if she doesn’t respond, take a month of nc and reconnect once she’s abroad

Mike
Guest

I think I’m not going to contact her before she leaves, it’s just painful. I think every time we had an argument she saw her ex not me, do you think I should leave it until maybe a week before she comes back, and give her that space? I do feel it’s too soon to get in touch still.

Mike
Guest

Also she has blocked me on Fb. So I’m fearing it’s a reaction to what I said, and she’s just going about erasing me from her life.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

yes it’s better to give her time

Akira
Guest
Well, recently I’ve been told that I hurt my (now) ex-girlfriend by breaking her trust, heart in not only myself but I fear I’ve scarred her in many other ways. We’ve had extremely good times, but I fear she remembers the bad times more. I was unable to be there for her on countless occassions and although I’ve never cheated on her (I am too deeply in love with her to do that) I have (accidentally) made her feel insecure about herself which has ultimately caused the whole mess up. I want her back and I want to do anything… Read more »
Akira
Guest

Also, to add too that I haven’t seen her in almost a month now as the break up was over text. I’ll be seeing her in 2 days from now.(14/06/16). Shall I begin the No Contact Rule after this?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

yes, if you’re seeing her you should begin no contact after.. If she has decided to really break up with you.. Agree with her and tell her that you understand her decision and then be productive in no contact.. show her that you’re moving on to make up for your gnatting in that past. In that way, she will feel less annoyed and slowly you can regain her trust back.

Bill
Guest

Bumped into my ex after 12 days of nc, we ended up arguing and she’s told me to delete her number, blocked me.

The argument was over me trying to help her with a personal problem, but she’s not ready to face it. She calls herself heartless and that is that.

Do I restart NC, or is this a case of moving on?

I will do anything necessary , and was doing fine with NC unfortunately beer played it’s hand. I’m no longer drinking as I don’t want a repeat situation.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Bill,

sorry for the late reply.. Yes, you have to restart no contact, not just because you bumped into her but because you need to change habits… do this for yourself before doing it for hwr

Bill
Guest

Thank you for the reply.

I’m working on myself a lot, I’ve been going gym almost daily, I’ve given up smoking, joined some healthy eating clubs and looking at starting a new hobby in rock choir singing with a friend.

It’s a daily struggle to not wanna talk to her, but I’m doing stuff to occupy my mind and allow myself to accept what’s happened.

Thanks a lot to yourself and Chris for the site, guide and everything you guys do to help us all

Master
Guest

Hello, when should i do this strategy? When should i apologize…. i have beg for her already after our breakup.. so i start doing the no contact to feel better
Right now im doing the no contact …

Im a little bit confused with what should i do.. because ive heard that its not good to talk about the relationship during reconnecting with ex..

Pls help me

JMG
Guest
Hello, Chris/ EGR fam!!! I am having a very hard time right now. My girlfriend broke up with me rightaway after she saw my ex and I’s conversation on Facebook regarding I offering her to lead directions to her destination since she is not familiar with it. We (ex) are friends because we had our closure and we accepted our fate and buried the hatchet. She blocked me in all of the social media sites and she does not want to see me, not to mention letting me apologize personally. She is very irritated, but I am certain that I… Read more »
JMG
Guest

as of now, I am not contacting her in any way.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jmg,

if you had no bad intentions don’t feel guilty.. she just minsunderstood tge situation..let her cool off.. are you still blocked?

annie
Guest

I love my ex boyfriend but I hurt him now I want him back, everyday everynigh I text him but he refuse to text back we have bin apart for 1 month now but I want him..pls I need some advise

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Annie,

don’t chase him..have you started no contact?

QBF
Guest
We’re both 21, have been together for a year and a half. So we broke up yesterday, we had taken a week without any contact so she could figure things out, because she suddenly got distant and stressed, a week before she was fine. The time didn’t do much. She told me she loves me, we make a great couple and she thinks we have a future. On the other hand the last two weeks (the no contact one and the prior) she said the “magic” faded a little, we’ve been crazy busy lately and haven’t seen each other much.… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Qbf,

I think posting the activities when you go out to buy clothes or with friends is not that awkward.. and she will probably just think you’re living life.. it’s better if you do it after the exams.. because the stress for it will be higher when it’s nearer

Dan
Guest
Hello my name is Dan and I purchased all the books and I’ve been studying it very much. I feel like I have a unique situation but I’m hoping perhaps you can help me out with. You see my girlfriend and I hope six years recently broke up we lived together since month number three she brought a dog into the relationship and three years ago I bought her another dog as well just to give you some background. I’ll try to make a long story short but I had a prescription painkiller problem for a while and I pushed… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Dan,

did you see each other again and talked?

Jordan
Guest
Hi Guys, So I’m going to get this out of the way first and say that I’m young. I turn 20 in less than a month. And in that respect I haven’t had much experience with relationships, but the few that I had were terrible. At least until this last one. We were almost 10 months strong and things just sort of started slowing down and then yesterday she asked if she could stop by and asked if we could go back to being just friends. Now I wouldn’t argue with this if she hadn’t given me the reason for… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jordan,

Her reason when she broke up with you made me laugh.. sorry I know it’s serious.. when you said you think the reason was because you almost never talked and you sent good morning and night texts, were the texts after she broke up with you? And when did you actually break up?

Jordan
Guest

Well I sent her at least two texts every day for the 10 months we were together and she almost never replied to them. But lately she just stopped all together. And she left me on Tuesday May 2nd. I’ve tried getting together to talk it out bease I got flustered and didn’t say all I needed to when she broke up with me. But she just refuses to answer me and her only explanation for it the while time we were together was that she didn’t like texting.

Jordan
Guest

Tuesday May 3rd, rather.

Jordan
Guest

So I just found out from her that I heard wrong. She broke up with me because she felt like we were “butting heads more than being friends” and that our opinions were clashing. But instead of trying to talk to me and work through it, she just ignored me until she felt like breaking up. And I’m just kind of ranting now because I’m angry, but I know I still want her back. I want to fix things and make this right. But I don’t know what to do.

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

have you started with active no contact? meaning being active in improving yourself and focusing on yourself only for a month?

Jordan
Guest
Yes I am almost a week into the No Contact period. I’ve started working out and I’ve already lost almost 8 pounds. I’ve also gotten myself back on Prozac and I’m seeing a therapist for some of my issues. The one major thing that I worry about for this period is that I’m supposed to see her every Sunday at our church and I’m not sure how to deal with it. This last Sunday I saw her there, I don’t know if she saw me, and I broke down for a good hour after that. I’ve been in contact with… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Just keep your distance.. be civil if she approaches.. reply directly polite but don’t be engaging for a small talk and don’t initiate a talk..

PDT
Guest
Hi Chris Since I’ve gotten a lot of great advice, I thought I would come back here. This is gonna be long, but I hope you read it. My ex and I broke up about nine months ago and live in the same dorm. This means that we see each other at least once or twice a week. It’s worked out okay so far. We talk fine and it’s a nice way to keep in contact. Last friday, we had a party at my dorm where both me and my ex were. This is the first time we’ve been really… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Pdt,

I think she’s ignoring you because she did all of those while she is drunk.. she knows it’s out of alcohol.. try to just be nice to her but be casual don’t push to be closer because if what happened that night because she’s clearly uncomfortable about it

PDT
Guest

When you say it is out of alcohol, do you mean there is no feelings in it – or that she wouldn’t have done it if she was sober?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

it’s more like she wouldn’t do it if she was sober

PDT
Guest

Ah, okay. So, you think this means she still has feelings for me? And if so, what can I do from here to hopefully get her back?

EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

it can also mean she just has more guts to be flirty because she’s drunk.. have you talked again?

Bill
Guest
Hey Chris and Team, can I just say, your videos and your content on ExGirlfriendRecovery.com are chock full of great ideas! I just got “The Ex-Recovery Plan”, and it’s really helpful! I really appreciate that you give guys (and gals) a plan to get their significant other back, rather than just be passive and accept whatever happens to them. Thank you for your sincere desire to help hurting people all over the world! I am wondering what are my chances of getting back together with a girl I had dated for the last 3 months? We were not exclusive, but… Read more »
EGR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EGR Team Member: Amor

Hi Bill,

you should be active during your time apart.. Show her your spontaneous side by doing activities and posting in social media.. Don’t caption it that it’s for her.. just post it.. be busy, improve yourself.. You’re a catch too, live by it..