By Chris Seiter

Published on December 29th, 2023

One of the things you might notice after a breakup is that your ex-girlfriend has gained a significant amount of weight.  While usually the opposite is often the case, when you notice that your ex has put on some pounds you need to know best how to deal with it appropriately.

Weight change, particularly gain, is a delicate subject for nearly anyone, intertwined deeply with personal feelings of self-worth, societal perceptions, and emotional well-being. Understanding the myriad reasons behind this change is crucial, not only for approaching the topic with sensitivity and respect but also for comprehending the emotional journey your ex may be undergoing. All of this can improve your chances of getting your ex back if you so wish.

In the aftermath of a breakup, individuals often experience a tumultuous array of emotions and life adjustments. These changes can manifest physically, and weight gain might be a sign of deeper emotional processes, stress coping mechanisms, or a shift in lifestyle and priorities. It’s important to handle such observations with immense care.

Whether this change comes up in conversation or is something you’ve merely noticed, the way you react and the words you choose matter immensely. They should reflect empathy, understanding, and an absence of judgment. Remarks about weight gain can be a huge sticking point and set you way back.

Moreover, it’s essential to underscore that such physical changes in your ex should have no bearing on the decision to rekindle the relationship. The choice to get back with an ex should be rooted in emotional compatibility, shared values, and mutual respect, rather than physical appearances.

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Why Might an Ex Gain Weight Post-Breakup?

Understanding why an ex might gain weight after a breakup requires a nuanced look at the psychological and lifestyle changes that often accompany the end of a relationship. Let’s explore these factors in more detail:

1. Emotional Eating:

  • Coping Mechanism: In times of emotional distress, such as after a breakup, many people find solace in food. Emotional eating is a way to find temporary comfort or distraction from painful feelings.
  • Changes in Eating Habits: Stress and sadness can lead to increased cravings for high-calorie, high-sugar, or high-fat comfort foods, contributing to weight gain. This shift in eating habits might be a subconscious attempt to fill an emotional void.

2. Change in Routine:

  • Disruption of Daily Habits: The stability provided by a relationship can often anchor our daily routines. After a breakup, this structure may fall apart, leading to irregular eating patterns and decreased motivation for activities like exercise.
  • New Lifestyle Choices: Without the routine of a relationship, your ex might find herself either neglecting her previous healthy habits or experimenting with new, less health-focused routines.

3. Mental Health Factors:

  • Impact of Mental Well-being on Physical Health: Mental health challenges such as depression and anxiety can significantly alter one’s lifestyle. These conditions often affect appetite and energy levels, either reducing the desire to engage in physical activities or leading to overeating.
  • Psychological Stress: The stress of a breakup can trigger or exacerbate mental health issues, which in turn can lead to noticeable physical changes, including weight gain.

4. Self-Exploration and Acceptance:

  • Redefining Self-Image: Post-breakup, as individuals embark on a journey of self-discovery, their perception of body image might shift. Your ex may adopt a more accepting attitude towards her body, prioritizing self-care and mental health over societal beauty standards.
  • Exploring New Identities: This period can also be about exploring new aspects of identity, which might include experimenting with different lifestyle choices that impact physical appearance.

When Your Ex Has Gained Weight…


  1. Be Empathetic:
    • Understand that weight gain can be a sensitive topic. Approach any discussion with empathy and refrain from making assumptions about her feelings or health.
  2. Focus on Her Well-being:
    • If the topic comes up, steer the conversation towards her overall well-being rather than her weight. Show genuine concern for how she’s feeling emotionally and mentally.
  3. Offer Support:
    • If she expresses a desire to get healthier or change her lifestyle, offer encouragement and support her decisions without being judgmental or prescriptive.
  4. Respect Her Privacy:
    • Remember that her body and her weight are her business. Respect her privacy and avoid making unsolicited comments about her appearance.


  1. Don’t Make Unsolicited Comments:
    • Avoid bringing up her weight gain unless she does. Unsolicited comments about someone’s body are rarely helpful and can be hurtful, regardless of your intentions.
  2. Don’t Assume It’s Negative:
    • Avoid assuming that the weight gain is unwanted or a sign of poor health. People’s relationships with their bodies are personal and complex.
  3. Don’t Link Her Worth to Weight:
    • Never imply that her worth or attractiveness is tied to her weight. Such a notion is not only untrue but also harmful.
  4. Don’t Offer Unwanted Advice:
    • Unless she specifically asks for advice about losing weight or changing her lifestyle, don’t offer suggestions. Unsolicited advice can come across as judgmental.

If the Weight Topic Comes Up

Having a conversation about weight gain, especially with an ex-girlfriend, can be full of land mines. If she brings up the topic, here’s how you can handle it with grace:

  1. Listen Actively:
    • Embrace the role of an empathetic listener. Give her the floor to express her feelings and thoughts. It’s important to remember that sometimes the best support you can offer is a listening ear and an open heart. Validate her feelings by showing that you understand and respect her perspective.
  2. Be Affirming:
    • Respond in a way that uplifts her. Let her know that her value and beauty, in your eyes, extend far beyond physical appearances. Emphasize qualities you admire in her – her strength, her kindness, her intelligence. Remind her that she is appreciated and cherished for who she is as a person.
  3. Stay Positive:
    • If she mentions efforts towards a healthier lifestyle, be her cheerleader! Celebrate her achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Encourage her by highlighting the progress she’s made. It’s crucial to show that you believe in her ability to reach her goals and that her journey towards them is admirable.
  4. Keep It Non-Judgmental:
    • Be mindful of your language and tone. Avoid comments that could be interpreted as critical about her weight. Instead, steer the conversation towards her overall well-being and happiness. If she seeks advice, offer it gently, and be sure it’s framed in a way that’s helpful, not critical.
  5. Encourage Holistic Health:
    • If appropriate, talk about health in a holistic sense, encompassing mental, emotional, and physical aspects. Discuss health and well-being as a journey, not a destination, and one that’s about feeling good from the inside out.
  6. Offer Unconditional Support:
    • Let her know that you’re there for her, unconditionally. Whether she wants to talk, seek advice, or just share a moment of silence, assure her that your support isn’t contingent on anything but her own happiness and well-being.

Understanding the Bigger Picture

When considering the prospect of rekindling a relationship with an ex who has gained weight post-breakup, it’s crucial to separate physical changes from the essence of who they are as a person.

Weight is a fluctuating physical attribute that does not define someone’s character, values, or the depth of their emotions – all core elements that form the foundation of a meaningful relationship.

It’s important to recognize that people go through various changes throughout life, including weight fluctuations, which can be influenced by numerous factors like stress, lifestyle adjustments, or emotional upheavals, especially after a significant event like a breakup.

Letting these physical changes cloud your judgment about the person’s worth or the potential of the relationship is not only superficial but also dismissive of the deeper connection you once shared.

Remember, true affection and connection are rooted in seeing and valuing each other beyond the superficial.

The Expert’s Corner

Insider Insights From Chris Seiter: 10 FAQs On Dealing With An Ex-Girlfriend Who Has Gained Weight After the Breakup 

  1. Why might my ex-girlfriend have gained weight after our breakup?
    • Weight gain post-breakup can be due to emotional eating as a response to stress, sadness, or loneliness. Changes in routine, such as disrupted eating and exercise habits, or mental health factors like depression and anxiety, can also contribute. Additionally, she might be going through a period of self-exploration and acceptance, leading to a change in lifestyle or priorities.
  2. Should the weight gain affect my feelings about getting back together with my ex?
    • Deciding to rekindle a relationship should be based on emotional compatibility, shared values, and mutual respect, rather than physical appearances. Weight is a changeable aspect and does not define a person’s character or the essence of your connection.
  3. How should I react if my ex brings up her weight gain in conversation?
    • Listen actively and empathetically without offering unsolicited advice. Focus on affirming her worth and feelings, and if she’s making efforts towards a healthier lifestyle, acknowledge and support her endeavors positively.
  4. Is it okay to offer help or advice about weight loss to my ex?
    • Unless she explicitly asks for advice or help, it’s best to avoid giving unsolicited suggestions about weight loss, as this can come off as judgmental. Focus instead on her overall well-being.
  5. What if I’m concerned about her health due to the weight gain?
    • If health concerns arise, express them respectfully and from a place of care. Ensure your approach is about her health and happiness, not just aesthetics.
  6. How can I support my ex with her weight changes?
    • Offer support by being a positive presence in her life. Encourage her in her pursuits and respect her journey towards self-acceptance and well-being. Treat her no different. Don’t make a show of the pounds she may have put on.
  7. What if I feel uncomfortable with her weight gain?
    • Reflect on why her weight gain makes you uncomfortable. Is it based on societal standards or personal preferences? It’s important to separate superficial concerns from what truly matters in a relationship.
  8. How important is physical attraction in the context of getting back together?
    • While physical attraction is an aspect of relationships, it should not overshadow emotional connection, compatibility, and shared life goals. Attraction can evolve and deepen as you appreciate the person for more than just their physical attributes.
  9. Can weight gain after a breakup be temporary?
    • Yes, weight fluctuations are common and can be temporary, especially during periods of emotional upheaval like after a breakup. It’s important to see this as a phase in her life journey.
  10. Should I mention her weight gain if she doesn’t bring it up?
    • No, it’s advisable not to mention her weight gain unless she brings it up first. Unsolicited comments about someone’s body can be intrusive and hurtful.


When it comes to changes in your ex-girlfriend’s appearance post-breakup, the key is to navigate the topic (if it arises) with sensitivity, kindness, and respect.

Remember, the period following a breakup is often one of vulnerability and introspection, and how you respond to her changes can significantly impact her journey towards healing and self-acceptance.

It’s crucial to be guided by empathy and to prioritize emotional support over superficial concerns.

Ultimately, ensuring that your interactions are respectful and supportive can be a meaningful way to honor the connection you once shared, regardless of how your relationship has evolved.


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Disclosure: I am the Author and Creator of this content. My aim is to provide you with original, well structured and authoritative content about this ex recovery topic utilizing my experience and expertise. I have endeavored to produce content that is high quality, relevant, informative, accurate, and reliable. In doing so, I have used an AI tool to some extent to assist me in generating useful content for my readers. This assistance may include topic research, the development of outline structures, phraseology for titles and headings, content curation, narrative expansion, grammar usage, and optimizing readability. All of this is done for the purpose of adding value to the post that I have produced. I personally “proof” every quality post I write for accuracy, completeness, textual flow, fine-tuning purposes, inclusion of relevant media, and inclusion of helpful internal links to further assist the reader. I do not allow for any 3rd party advertising that would muddy up my content or distract my readers.

Signed By Yours Truly, Chris Seiter, Founder of Ex Boyfriend & Ex Girlfriend Recovery.	

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