By EBR Team Member: Ashley

Updated on September 7th, 2022

Snapchat is nothing but a mixture of momentary entertainment and mixed signals.

I’m positive, out of all of the uses that have been thought up by the 30 million users, that keeping your ex in check was the last one that Evan Speigel (founder of Snapchat) had in mind. Bet you didn’t know that Snapchat was merely an idea concocted for a final project for a product design course.

But now, I bet that isn’t nearly as interesting as the fact that your ex keeps sending you mystery snaps.

But, what makes them so mysterious?

Don’t tell me that they aren’t. There is something keeping you from being able to quite figure out what each one means.

Well, today is your lucky day.

I have at least 7 good reasons your ex could be reaching out in such a non permanent manner. And all of them pretty much boil down to two.

She misses you.


She wants you to miss her.

It’s that simple, one or the other.

But it isn’t really.

Confused yet?

Okay, let me see if I can be a little more clear with what I’m getting at.

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I Have Conflicting Emotions About What My Ex Girlfriend is Doing

Have you ever wanted two things to happen that don’t exactly line up with each other?

Like you want to get in shape and be healthy, but you also really want to eat five cupcakes at your nephew’s birthday party?

Mixed emotions basically flood both parties after a breakup. You cared about this person, but now you don’t know how things are going to play out.

As a girl I can tell you, we make decisions that we aren’t exactly 100% certain on.

We’ll break up with someone who we are completely happy with, simply because of one little thing that we aren’t sure about.

And we will spend months, even years, wondering if we made a mistake.

Guys do these things too. It’s just more likely that they’ll keep their struggles with those emotions to themselves.

When you first saw that little Snapchat alert pop up on your phone, your mind probably shot off in a million different directions.

“She wants me back!”

“She’s trying to torture me!”

“She wants me back?”

“She did it by mistake.”

“She’s trying to rub how great her life is now in my face!”

“It dones’t mean anything.”

“She done with me and she’s letting me know by being mean!”

“Or… maybe she wants me back…”

“Nah. She’s just being cuel!”

“But maybe… she wants me back!”

It’s hard to interpret other people’s actions. It isn’t just hard, it’s impossible.

You’ll be searching for meaning behind all of her actions, even the little ones.

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Half the time people don’t even know the real reasons behind the things they do.

So how could you possibly expect to be able to guess at them and be correct?

So considering mixed emotions in these two situations, you can assume that:

  • She misses you and wants to get back together.
  • She misses you and is questioning the decision to breakup.
  • She misses you but doesn’t see the relationship going anywhere.


  • She wants you to miss her because she wants you to regret the breakup.
  • She wants you to miss her enough to fix the things that kept her from seeing a future with you.
  • She wants you to miss her because she’s hurting and thinks you should too.

And lastly,

  • it could just boil down to her being cruel. (Had to include this, there are some seriously vindictive people out there.)

What if I told you that NONE of that matters at all, not one bit of it.

Understanding her motivations behind every single message, snap, and post on social media will drive you crazy.

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The Kansas City Shuffle

Did you ever see the movie “Lucky Number Slevin”?

It is one of my all time favorite movies, not just because it has a fabulous cast but because it is extrememly well written.

If you have seen it, you probably know exactly which scene I’m talking about.

It opens on an empty airport terminal full of bright blue empty seats, except for one.

In walks this guy. The only other person in the room is a little old lady who is sleep on her bag. At least I think it was her bag, but it’s been a while since the last time I saw it, so who knows.

Anyways so this guy is sitting there and he doesn’t look particularly excited to be there. There’s some melodramatic flute music playing the titles in, and in walks Bruce Willis.

Okay not Bruce Willis, but Bruce Willis’ character.

Okay, he doesn’t really walk in, he rolls up on the guy’s right in a wheelchair. He just kind of appears next to him silently, which makes sense since the guy was kind of dosing off anyways.

And you don’t even realize he’s there until he says, “There was a time.” He goes on to mention that he’s in town for a Kansas City Shuffle.

This leads into this big long schpeel of a story about how it all began with some horse races and a guy who lost it all… yadda yadda yadda. If you want to know the whole story, you should watch the movie. Seriously, if you don’t you are missing out.

So, the sleepy, not-enthusiastic guy asks, “So that’s a Kansas City Shuffle?”

And old BW, man, he’s a quick one, he gestures to the old lady and says, “No, this… is a Kansas City Shuffle.”

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Both the guy and the camera pan over to look at the old lady.

When both the camera and sleepy look back over at the wheelchair, it’s empty. “They look right…”

“And you…”

The camera centers and old BW is standing behind the man, hands on his head.

You hear his neck snaps.

“…go left.”

Now, I know that it feels like you are going to die without her, but let’s just assume that that feeling will go away eventually.

It does. Just trust me on that one.

Our kind of Kansas City Shuffle is much less drastic, but just as life altering.

Let’s say this big rectangle below is life as you know it.

Right now you are entirely focused on your ex and what she’s doing, including the reason behind even the little things, like her Snaps.

In an interview with New Scientist Magazine, Stephen Hawking was asked what he thinks about all day.

His response was, “Women. They are a complete mystery.”

This is why allowing yourself to be completely distracted by your ex’s moves is a mistake.

I mean, you may have known her well, but, now that you are separated, you can only guess at why she does what she does.

I’m hoping that she isn’t reaching out in cruelty. And, if she is, then I hope you have the sense to leave the past in the past, otherwise, you will find yourself with a cruel partner and unhappy.

If you know here not to be cruel, then the only other assumptions that can be made is that she misses you or she wants you to miss her, in some fashion.

And you are missing the things you actually have control over, in order to… what? stare blindly into the past?

I’m all for being positive and hopeful.

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But things don’t change unless you take action.

Trying to control or influence her actions will only push her further away. Trying to understand fully will drive you mad.

I know it impossible to keep your mind from wandering back towards your ex from time to time. But what you should be focused on is starting a proper No Contact Period and turning your life into something other’s, including your ex, will become curious about.

The reason I say properly is because No Contact is one of the most difficult to stick with. You will want to find every reason to stray from the plan laid out in this article. It may be the most difficult to get through, but it is also the most efficient.

If you found yourself, here, at Ex Girlfriend Recovery, before digging your way through mountains of other sites, then you are lucky. Most of the other “experts” preach No Contact for longer periods of time and don’t tell you how to use that time to your advantage rather than just sitting on your thumbs.

Ex Girlfriend Recovery not only makes No Contact easier to power through, it also makes it go by faster and much more efficient than just giving you a base plan and expecting you to just figure it out yourself. On top of all of that, you have access to our entire team, Chris, Jennifer, Leia, Amor, and me. And we are here to listen to your situations, answer your questions, and provide support while you work toward getting your ex back.

To Block or Not to Block Your Ex Girlfriend

That is the Question.

The only reason to block these snaps is if they are derailing you from sticking with the plan.

You know exactly what I mean.

That whole, I can’t focus on real life because I can’t wait two seconds after my phone makes a noise to pick it up. And I spend the moments it’s not making noises wishing it would. I can’t get anything done.

If that’s you having trouble ignoring the snaps, then yeah, blocking might be something you need to do. Otherwise, the reading into every little thing won’t allow you to reassess and make it through to the end.

That’s the whole point of all of this… not to just sit around waiting for her to decide that coming back to you is worth it. You need to make your life into something worth running towards.

How will you know when you’ve achieved this?

When you are happy living in it without feeling the need to check your phone every five seconds, that’s how you know.

Build something that you can live in comfortably without feeling the need to reach out to your ex actively. The mystery you create by building a life that she doesn’t recognize is part of the major plan.

Just trust us here and fight every instinct you have that’s telling you to open and respond to all of those snaps.

Redirect all of that energy into the things you have power over.

I hate to tell you, but that does not encompass other people or their actions. But it DOES include you and the world you reside in.

Take control of everything within that realm and it will overflow into the rest of your life.

You know that overwhelming desire to sit on your couch and veg out on Netflix and junk food?

Well, that isn’t just a tactic used to forget that you have a lot of homework and studying.

Focusing on your ex and what she’s doing since your split is your brains trying to avoid the pain of moving forward with life after your ex.

What we are asking you to do by going into No Contact is to clear your plate, so to speak.

So, If you weren’t focused on your ex… what could you turn your life into?

So much time and energy is wasted trying to control things that aren’t in our power to control, like the actions and decisions of an ex.

If you can move past that and make it through the No Contact, your likeliness of being successful in your endeavors to win back your ex amplifies.

If you need a little help on how to stay in your own lane and focused on things you CAN control, try keeping score. Every time you start to think about your ex or obsess about the underlying meaning of each individual Snap, mark a tally and keep score. I have a friend who did just this.

Every morning he would put a notecard in his pocket and keeps score throughout the day. His goal was always to score less than the day before. Marking a tally made it feel as if he had taken some action after each time he thought of his ex. It kept him from feeling the need to do anything further. And it also helped him stay focused on the goals he’d set for himself to finish up his degree and clear up his relationship with his parents.

Find a method that works for you and help you keep your eyes on the things you can actually effect and you’ll be golden.


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