By Chris Seiter

Updated on July 1st, 2022

It’d be a whole lot easier getting your ex-girlfriend back if you knew she wanted you back, too, right?

Unfortunately, women rarely make it easy to decipher their feelings.

Luckily for you, I spend most of my days helping women who want their exes back, so I have a pretty solid idea of what signs women show when they want you back.

So today that’s exactly what we’re going to be focusing on. I’ve identified seven signs that your ex girlfriend probably wants you back based on my experience coaching women over on the sister site to Ex Girlfriend Recovery, Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

Let’s cut right to the chase.

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7 Signs Your Ex Girlfriend Wants You Back

Now, I realize that a lot of people who read this article don’t care about the intricate details that go along with them. As a result, I figured I’d give you the best of both worlds. I’ll give you a quick roundup of the seven signs for those of you who just want to scan. For those of you who understand the devil is in the details, well, I’ll detail!

  1. They respond to your basic reach out attempts
  2. They call and leave emotional voicemails
  3. They talk to you constantly even though they’ve moved on
  4. The refuse to give you your things back
  5. They reach out to you more than you reach out to them
  6. They bait you during no contact
  7. They are obvious in their jealousy

Let’s get into it.

Sign #1: They Respond To Your Basic Reach Out Attempts.

Now, if you are a veteran of the ex-girlfriend recovery program, you know that I’m a huge proponent of something called the no contact rule.

The no contact rule is basically a period of time where you ignore your ex on purpose with the intent of making them miss you while you spend that time working on yourself.

But after that, we have this precise way in which we tell our clients to reach out and start a conversation with their ex-girlfriend.

This includes a host of techniques, such as using conversational hooks and talking about your ex-girlfriend’s interests over yours, that maximize your chance at getting a response back.

But what if you didn’t do those things?

What if you just decide to reach out with a simple “hey, what’s up” kind of generic message?

Statistically speaking, most of the time, these generic messages will not get a response, and our clients will often freak out and panic.

Well, they didn’t really give their ex much to respond to, so what did they expect?

But imagine if she responds, despite the lack of effort in your message?

Well, that tells us that your ex-girlfriend is very interested in talking to you. So much so that she doesn’t even care if you reach out with a simple generic text message.

Now, I’m not gonna say this is the be-all-end-all in that if your ex-girlfriend responds to a generic text, you’re guaranteed to get her back.

But I will say that it’s a GREAT start!

Your ex is talking to you and trying to hold a conversation with minimum effort on your end, and that must mean she really wants to talk to you.

Sign # 2: They Call And Leave You Emotional Voicemails

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Thanks to my vast female clientele at EBR, I get a sneak peek at women’s thought processes and actions when they desperately want their ex back.

One behavior that pops up repeatedly is women leaving multiple voicemails, often emotional ones, for their exes.

Interestingly enough, this actually seems to work well, so as a man, you need to be able to recognize her voicemails for what they are – lingering thoughts or desires to get back with you.

For example, let’s say you’re in the middle of a no contact rule, and your ex-girlfriend reaches out to you and leaves a voicemail. The voice happens to be emotional, maybe she’s not crying, but she says that she wants to talk, or she needs to get something off of her chest.

This is a great sign that she cannot get her mind out of the breakup, and she’s thinking so much about it she can’t think of anything else.

Now again, I don’t want you to think that this voicemail is the be-all-end-all because it is entirely plausible that your ex-girlfriend could be reaching out to you for a closure talk, especially if you didn’t get that before.

This is why I think the timing of when it happens, as well as the content of the voicemail, are crucial factors to consider.

Most of the time, if your ex-girlfriend is reaching out to you during the no contact rule and leaving a voicemail, she’s doing it under a lot of emotions from being ignored. But let’s say she’s also doing these kinds of voicemails after you’ve been talking back and forth things are going exceptionally well.

In that case, you can definitely assume that it means something a bit more than maybe just an emotional outburst.

So remember, an emotional voicemail is a good sign, but the content and timing are everything.

Sign #3: They Talk To You Constantly Even Though They Have “Moved On.”

Every man who wants to work with me is absolutely TERRIFIED by the idea of his ex-girlfriend being with some other man.

Just the mere thoughts of her sleeping with some other dude are enough to keep them up at night and fill them with anger or hatred.

But notice how I said “moved on” in quotation marks?

Well, that’s because if she had truly moved on, she wouldn’t be talking to you so much, would she?

If your ex is relying on you for emotional support when she should be doing that with the other guy, it means that they have not formed the same bond that you had.

It’s a pretty good indicator that your ex-girlfriend is unhappy in her new relationship if she’s consistently talking to you during it.

I think a breakup is essentially an admission that your ex-girlfriend feels that she can do better than you or that she deserves to be treated better by another guy than you. But if she keeps coming back to the well, she keeps relying on you for emotional support; she may have had a bit of the grass is greener syndrome.

Now, if you don’t know what that is, it’s when she’s with you and thinks, “huh, I can do better.” She thinks the grass is greener on the other side, so she breaks up with you to explore that other side…only the grass isn’t greener.

This is a common thread we see happening in the long-term relationships where maybe they’ve been out of the dating game so long they don’t realize how miserable it can actually be. Especially If you’re consistently single and you want something bigger or better for your relationship life.

The key thing to really keep an eye out for here is what she is talking to you about when she’s with the other guy.

If she’s having deep, meaningful conversations with you that she may not have with anyone else, it’s probably because she misses you and can’t have those conversations in her new relationship. If you’re really lucky, she’ll tell you her relationship sucks, and her admitting she has the “grass is greener” syndrome is the best sign you need!

Sign # 4: They Refuse To Give You Your Things Back.

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This is, without a doubt, my favorite sign because it’s almost incredibly obvious why they don’t want to give you things back. You know how, when you’re with someone for a long time, you start leaving things at their place and vice-versa?

Well, after a breakup, its only natural to want some of those things back, especially if they’re important to you.

So you shoot off a text message to your ex-girlfriend asking for your stuff back, and she does not respond. You usually just chalk it up to the anger of the breakup and give it a few days or a week and try again.

She may or may not respond, and the chances are that even if she responds, she will not show any inclination of giving the item back. Why?

In her mind exchanging items is essentially the same as a closure talk that she may not be ready for.

Her giving you that item back is her essentially admitting to the universe that things are over… for good. If she doesn’t want that she will hold onto your items for as long as possible.

Sometimes she’ll even string it out so long and force you to go kind of on a mini-date with her to get this item back. These are great signs that your ex-girlfriend is not only still into you, but thinking very deeply about getting back together with you.

Sign # 5: They Reach Out To You More Than You Do To Them.

So I don’t know if you know this, but anyone who buys the ex-girlfriend recovery program or the ex-boyfriend recovery program gets access to this private Facebook support group of over four thousand individuals who are in the same position as you are.

Every week I try my very best to show up and do a Facebook Live where I just take listener questions. One of the things that I always say in those Facebook lives is you need to view this process as a scientist would. Chart everything because usually, when you are so deep in the middle of this process, it’s hard for you to make smart, calculated decisions.

Sometimes you can’t make those calculated decisions unless you are charting and see the big picture. One of the things I tell people to chart is their text ratio.

Text ratio – how many times you’re reaching out to your ex versus her reaching up to you.

This also applies to how many times she’s responding to your text message, and you’re responding to her text messages.

Usually, we’re looking for it complete balance, so for every one text message that you send, she should send one back.

Typically it’s a great sign if, for every one text message you send, they sent two or three back almost like they need to elaborate on the points that they are making.

If your ex-girlfriend is sending back multiple messages, it’s a great sign that she wants to talk more in-depth. There’s more left unsaid or more for you to uncover in your conversation with her because she wants to open up.

Sign # 6: They Bait You To Respond During No Contact.

So this is also one of my hidden favorite ones because of how little people talk about it and how much I see it happening.

You’re familiar with how to catch a fish, right? You only need a few tools: a fishing pole and bait. Depending on the different types of bait, you’ll often attract different types of fish.

Well, whether you realize it or not, you have certain tools at your disposal when you enter into our ex-girlfriend recovery process, such as the no contact rule, text messaging, phone calls, the value chain, value ladder, etc.

Now I’m not going to go into too much detail about them because I just want to focus on the no contact rule today. As I said earlier, the no contact rule is where we ignore our ex on purpose.

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Sure there are certain exceptions, but for the most part, we’re ignoring our ex on purpose, and most exes do NOT like that, especially females. So what they tend to do is try to get you to break the no contact rule, and sadly they’re very effective in how they try to do this.

I would even amend that further and say what we’re really looking for is the types of bait they are using and also how often they do it.

There are many different types of baits that cause you to break the no contact rule. A classic cliffhanger like “I need to talk” or a damsel-in-distress message like “there’s something important, it’s an emergency” are all things that make you instantly want to break no contact.

Then some use anger as bait… “if you keep ignoring me, I’ll make sure we never talk again.” Now, these are usually empty threats because every ex who has ever said this has talked to them again, but it still gets the job done.

You can look out for these bait-like messages but also consider the frequency of these comments. If they’re doing it frequently throughout maybe weeks two and three of the no contact rule, it’s an excellent sign that they are definitely not over the breakup.

I won’t go as far as saying they’re willing to beg for you back, but I will say it’s a pretty solid foundation for that to happen.

Sign # 7: They Are Obvious In Their Jealousy.

This is something that is not new, but it is kind of new at the same time. I know that’s a paradox, but hear me out.

Over the advent of social media, jealousy has been running rampant, especially when it comes to breakups. What do we know about social media and breakups?

Well, we know that 90% of exes will stalk your social media after a breakup.

We also know there are lots of different statistics I can cite saying your ex will be keeping an eye on your profile, even if they’ve blocked you or unfriended you on Facebook, so where does jealousy come into play?

Let’s say that you and your ex-girlfriend began a conversation after the no contact rule is complete. Everything seems to be going well, and you also take my advice and start posting awesome things on social media that showcase what an amazing catch you are.

These posts will obviously attract the attention of other girls, who might start commenting on your photos. You might leave a like or respond back, and trust me; your ex-girlfriend will be watching your every move.

You can find the correlation between her seeing other women be attracted to you and her falling off in your conversations together because she’s jealous.

Your ex will essentially signal that shes bothered by other girls finding you attractive by either calling it out or disappearing when you try to reach out to her. Now a little bit of fear of loss is essential for getting your ex-girlfriend back, so the more outside attention you get, the better.


Instead of waiting for your ex-girlfriend to say she wants you back, keep an eye out for these 7 signs:

  1. She responds to your most generic attempts at reaching out
  2. She calls and leaves you emotional voicemails
  3. She continues to talk to you even though she has moved on
  4. She refuses to return your things
  5. She reaches out to you more than you do
  6. She baits you to respond during the no contact rule
  7. She clearly gets jealous when you get attention from other girls	

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