By Chris Seiter

Published on January 1st, 2024

It’s a question that often lingers in the back of the mind after a breakup has occurred. Do guys think about their exes sexually?

The answer, while somewhat nuanced, is definitely yes.

Without a doubt, both men and women will find their thoughts drifting towards their ex-partners, encompassing a range of emotions and memories, including the sexual aspect. Some more than others.  

Understanding why these thoughts occur, what they mean in the context of wanting an ex back, and recognizing their naturalness is essential in any Ex Recovery Game Plan that your Coach may draw up.

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Do Guys Think About Their Exes Sexually? Understanding the Psychological Underpinnings?

So, as we have established most guys do think about their exes sexually. This is often driven by a mix of nostalgia, physical desire, and emotional processing.

Such thoughts can reflect fond memories or unfulfilled longing but don’t always signify a desire to reconcile. They’re a natural, albeit complex part of how men think and operate.  And much of the same could be said about women.

The Nature of Post-Breakup Sexual Thoughts

Dreams and Fantasies:

  1. Subconscious Processing:
    • Dreams or fantasies about an ex can often be the subconscious mind’s way of processing the past relationship. These thoughts might surface unresolved feelings or unanswered questions, using the canvas of dreams to explore scenarios that didn’t occur in reality.
  2. Yearning for Lost Intimacy:
    • In these dreams or daydreams, there’s frequently a yearning for the lost intimacy that the relationship provided. This isn’t just about physical closeness but also about the emotional connection that accompanied the sexual relationship.
  3. Idealization of Past Encounters:
    • Fantasies often idealize past sexual encounters, focusing on the most passionate and fulfilling aspects. This idealization can serve as a mental escape from the pain of the breakup.

Casual Thoughts:

  1. Triggered by External Cues:
    • Everyday things like hearing a particular song, visiting a place you once went together, or even catching a familiar scent can trigger sexual thoughts about an ex. These stimuli can momentarily transport a person back to the times spent together.
  2. Fleeting and Spontaneous:
    • Such thoughts are often fleeting, emerging suddenly and disappearing just as quickly. They are spontaneous reflections, not necessarily indicative of a deep longing to rekindle the relationship.
  3. Nostalgia-Infused Reflections:
    • These casual thoughts can be tinged with nostalgia, adding a layer of sentimentality to the physical memories. It’s a blend of remembering the good times and mourning their loss.

Libido and Memory:

  1. Physical Desire Intertwined with Memory:
    • The physical desire aspect is inextricably linked to memory. The brain often gravitates towards past experiences that were pleasurable or satisfying, and sexual encounters with an ex can be prominent in these recollections.
  2. Natural Response of Libido:
    • It’s important to recognize that these thoughts can be a natural response of the male libido. Sexual desire doesn’t switch off post-breakup, and the brain might default to familiar sources of sexual fulfillment.
  3. Distinction from Emotional Longing:
    • While these thoughts are sexually charged, they may not always be connected to a deeper emotional longing. It’s a distinction that underscores the complexity of human sexuality and emotional connections.

Understanding the nature of post-breakup sexual thoughts helps in recognizing them as a normal part of the healing process. They are a confluence of emotional reminiscence, physical desire, and subconscious processing.

Recognizing and acknowledging these thoughts can be a step towards emotional recovery, as long as they don’t become obsessive or hinder personal growth.

What Do These Thoughts Mean for Reconciliation?

The sexual thoughts a man has about his ex-girlfriend post-breakup can be deeply revealing of his inner emotional state and intentions. Let’s explore further what these thoughts might imply in terms of reconciliation:

  1. Desire for Re-connection:
    • In some cases, these sexual thoughts are not just about physical longing but also an emblem of deeper emotional yearning. Men who find themselves frequently reminiscing about intimate moments with their ex might actually be craving the emotional depth and companionship that the relationship offered. This longing can sometimes be a subconscious signal of a desire to rekindle the relationship, reflecting a sense of loss not just for the sexual intimacy but for the emotional bond they shared.
  2. Easing Emotional Pain:
    • Sexual thoughts about an ex can act as a soothing balm for the emotional wounds inflicted by the breakup. By recalling intimate moments, a man might find a temporary escape from the heartache, a mental retreat to a time when things felt right and joyful. It’s a form of self-comfort, leveraging pleasant memories to ease the sting of the present.
  3. Reflecting on Good Times:
    • These thoughts often serve as a mental time machine, transporting a man back to moments of happiness and fulfillment. They can be a way to cling to the remnants of joy and pleasure experienced in the relationship. This reflection is more than just sexual; it’s a yearning for the times when he felt most connected, loved, and content. It represents a psychological longing to relive the best parts of the relationship.

Implications for Getting Your Ex Back

  1. Understanding Emotional and Physical Needs:
    • For men contemplating reconciliation, it’s important to understand the root of these sexual thoughts. Are they driven by mere physical desire, or do they signify a deeper emotional void that the relationship filled?
  2. Assessing Relationship Viability:
    • If these thoughts are accompanied by feelings of love, regret, or a sense of unresolved issues, it might be worth considering whether the relationship deserves a second chance. However, this decision should be weighed against the reasons for the breakup and whether those underlying issues can be resolved.
  3. Differentiating between Longing and Nostalgia:
    • It’s crucial to differentiate between genuine longing for the ex-partner and a nostalgic yearning for the past. Sometimes, these thoughts are more about missing the comfort and security of a relationship rather than the specific individual.
  4. Sexual Thoughts vs. Relationship Goals:
    • While sexual thoughts about an ex can indicate a desire for reconciliation, they should not be the sole basis for restarting a relationship. It’s essential to consider the broader aspects of compatibility, shared values, and mutual respect beyond physical attraction.

The Complexity of Sexual Thoughts and Relationship Ambivalence

  1. Sexual Thoughts Are Not Always an Indicator of Wanting to Reunite:
    • While sexual thoughts about an ex might sometimes suggest a desire to get back together, this isn’t always the case. It’s important to differentiate between physical longing and genuinely wanting to reestablish a relationship.
  2. Libido-Driven Reflections:
    • In many cases, these thoughts are primarily driven by libido. The human brain is wired to seek pleasure, and recalling satisfying sexual experiences is a part of this natural inclination.
  3. Physical Desire vs. Emotional Connection:
    • It’s crucial to distinguish between merely missing the physical aspect of the relationship and longing for the emotional connection. Men can yearn for the intimacy they shared with their ex without necessarily wanting to recommit to the relationship.

Making Sense of Sexual Thoughts After You Breakup

  1. Natural and Not Shameful:
    • Having sexual thoughts about an ex is a natural, human response. It’s important not to feel ashamed or embarrassed about these thoughts, as they are a common part of the emotional recovery process post-breakup.
  2. Aiding in Recovery:
    • Reflecting on past sexual experiences can be a part of the healing journey, helping to process the loss and gradually move on. It’s a way to acknowledge and appreciate the good moments while learning to let go.
  3. Beware of Obsessive Thoughts:
    • However, if these thoughts become obsessive or interfere with daily life, it may be indicative of unresolved issues that need addressing. In such cases, seeking professional help or talking to a trusted friend can be beneficial.
  4. Understanding Personal Feelings:
    • It’s important for men to introspect and understand their feelings towards their ex. Are these thoughts purely physical, or do they signify a deeper emotional longing? This clarity can guide future actions and decisions regarding the possibility of reconciliation.
  5. Respecting the Ex-Partner’s Boundaries:
    • While having these thoughts is natural, it’s crucial to respect the boundaries and current status of the ex-partner. Acting on these thoughts without mutual feelings or understanding can lead to complications.

The Expert’s Corner

Insider Insight From Chris Seiter: 12 FAQs About “Do Guys Think About Their Exes Sexually?”

  1. Is it common for guys to think about their exes sexually?
    • Yes, it’s quite common. Many men find themselves thinking about their exes in a sexual manner due to a mix of physical desire, nostalgia, and emotional processing after the breakup.
  2. What triggers these sexual thoughts about an ex?
    • Triggers can include anything that reminds them of their ex or the relationship, such as a specific scent, a song, a place, or even certain experiences that bring back memories of intimate moments.
  3. Do these thoughts mean a guy wants to get back with his ex?
    • Not necessarily. While these thoughts can sometimes indicate a desire to reconnect, they often occur as a natural reflection on a past intimate connection and do not always signify a wish to rekindle the relationship.
  4. How often do men think sexually about their exes?
    • The frequency varies greatly among individuals. Some might think about their exes sexually quite frequently, especially soon after the breakup, while for others, these thoughts might be less common and more sporadic.
  5. Are these thoughts a sign of unresolved feelings?
    • They can be, but not always. Sometimes they’re simply reflections of physical desire or a way to mentally revisit pleasurable experiences, not necessarily indicative of unresolved emotional feelings.
  6. Do men feel guilty about having these thoughts?
    • Some men might feel guilty, especially if they’re in a new relationship or if they perceive these thoughts as being disrespectful to their ex. However, it’s important to understand that such thoughts are a natural part of the post breakup process.
  7. Can these sexual thoughts impact a guy’s current relationship?
    • If not properly understood and managed, these thoughts can potentially impact a current relationship, especially if they lead to comparisons or create a sense of longing for the past. Open communication and self-awareness are key in dealing with them.
  8. Do these thoughts differ based on the length or intensity of the relationship?
    • Yes, the nature and history of the relationship can influence these thoughts. Longer or more intense relationships might lead to more frequent or vivid sexual thoughts due to the deeper emotional and physical connections established.
  9. Is it okay to talk to an ex about these thoughts?
    • Generally, it’s not advisable to discuss these thoughts with an ex, as it can lead to confusion or unnecessary emotional complications, especially if both parties are trying to move on.
  10. How can men manage these thoughts if they find them distressing?
    • Understanding that these thoughts are a normal part of the healing process is important. Engaging in activities that promote emotional well-being, redirecting focus, and if necessary, seeking professional counseling can be helpful.
  11. Do these thoughts mean that a man is not over his ex?
    • Not always. It’s possible to have moved on emotionally but still occasionally have sexual thoughts about an ex. These thoughts can decrease in frequency and intensity over time as one fully moves on.
  12. Are these thoughts more common in men than women?
    • While both men and women might experience sexual thoughts about their exes, some studies suggest that men may have them more frequently due to differences in how men and women typically process emotions and memories post-breakup

Final Thoughts

In conclusion, it’s normal for men to think about their exes sexually post-breakup. These thoughts can stem from a variety of psychological reasons, including natural libido, emotional processing, and a longing for past intimacy.

They do not always indicate a desire to return to the relationship and should be understood within the broader context of individual feelings and the nature of the breakup.

Recognizing these thoughts as a natural part of the post-breakup experience can aid in the healing process, provided they are approached with self-awareness and respect for both parties involved.

Bottom line…it’s OK if you have sexual thoughts about your ex.  Know how to harness them and get help if you find yourself obsessing.



Disclosure: I am the Author and Creator of this content. My aim is to provide you with original, well structured and authoritative content about this ex recovery topic utilizing my experience and expertise. I have endeavored to produce content that is high quality, relevant, informative, accurate, and reliable. In doing so, I have used an AI tool to some extent to assist me in generating useful content for my readers. This assistance may include topic research, the development of outline structures, phraseology for titles and headings, content curation, narrative expansion, grammar usage, and optimizing readability. All of this is done for the purpose of adding value to the post that I have produced. I personally “proof” every quality post I write for accuracy, completeness, textual flow, fine-tuning purposes, inclusion of relevant media, and inclusion of helpful internal links to further assist the reader. I do not allow for any 3rd party advertising that would muddy up my content or distract my readers.

Signed By Yours Truly, Chris Seiter, Founder of Ex Boyfriend & Ex Girlfriend Recovery.

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Chris Seiter	

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