By Chris Seiter

Published on December 12th, 2023

You thought you had turned a new leaf post-breakup, but here you are, staring at your phone, reading a message from your ex-girlfriend asking for relationship advice. It’s like walking into a scene you never expected to be part of. Your ex, who once sought advice from you about where to eat or what movie to watch, is now seeking guidance on her new relationship.

So why is your ex doing this and what do you do?  In short:

When your ex-girlfriend asks for relationship advice, it could be due to comfort, habit, trust in your judgment, or even a subconscious desire to maintain a connection. It’s important to assess your comfort level in giving advice and ensure it aligns with your overall Ex Recovery Strategy.

But let’s dive deeper to learn much more about how to navigate this intricate situation and what it means for you.

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Why Is Your Ex-Girlfriend Asking for Relationship Advice and What Should I Do?

Alright, so you’re sitting there, phone in hand, wondering why on earth your ex is hitting you up for relationship advice. It’s like a plot twist you didn’t see coming.

While your first thought might be, “Is this for real?”, there could be a bunch of reasons she’s sliding into your DMs, texts, emails, or even phone calls for advice. So what is she up to?  Let, explore.

Comfort and Familiarity

You guys had a thing. You were her confidant, her go-to guy for all things big and small. Now, even though you’re not together, you’re familiar territory. She knows you get her, and old habits die hard. It’s easier to ask you than start from scratch with someone new.

Trust in Your Judgment

During your time together, she probably saw how you handled stuff, and let’s face it, you might have given some solid advice. She respects your perspective and thinks you’ve got a good head on your shoulders. It’s not about getting back together; she just values what you think.

Indirectly Seeking Closure

This one’s tricky. She might be reaching out under the guise of seeking advice, but what she’s really after is seeing where you stand. It’s like she’s trying to find out, without directly asking, if you’re cool with her moving on or still hanging onto something.

Lack of Appropriate Boundaries

Post-breakup etiquette can be a gray area. Maybe she doesn’t realize that asking you for advice on her new love interest is crossing a line. It might not even occur to her that this could be awkward for you.

Subconscious Desire to Reconnect

Deep down, she might be trying to find a way back into your life, and asking for advice seems like a safe bet. It’s not necessarily about rekindling romance; it could be more about missing the connection you guys had.

Seeking Validation

She might be looking for validation from someone who used to be super important in her life. It’s like she wants to know she’s doing okay, and who better to affirm that than someone who used to be her main squeeze?

Nostalgia Hits Hard

Sometimes, it’s just nostalgia. Talking to you, even about something as random as relationship advice, might bring back good memories. It’s not about the present or future; it’s about a comforting past.

No One Else to Turn To

Consider this: maybe she’s in a situation where she feels she can’t talk to her friends or family about her relationship issues, and you’re the only one she feels comfortable opening up to.

Curiosity About Your Reaction

Let’s be real; sometimes people play mind games. She might be curious to see how you’ll react. Will you get jealous? Will you be supportive? It’s like a litmus test for where you stand emotionally.

Unresolved Feelings

She might not even be fully aware of it, but reaching out to you for advice could be a sign of unresolved feelings. It’s not always about wanting to get back together, but there could be lingering emotions she’s trying to navigate.

Trying to Keep You in Her Orbit

Maybe she’s not ready to let you go completely. Asking for advice is a way to keep you in her life, even if it’s not in a romantic role.

Mixed Emotions About Her Current Relationship

She could be in a new relationship but feeling uncertain about it. Who better to turn to than someone who knows her well? It’s less about rekindling your past and more about finding clarity in her current situation.

Concluding Thoughts on Why

When your ex hits you up for relationship advice, it’s a cocktail of past dynamics, emotional nuances, and maybe a dash of uncertainty about her own feelings.

It’s important to take a moment and figure out where you stand – are you cool with dishing out advice, or does it feel like you’re tiptoeing through a minefield? Remember, it’s okay to step back if it feels too weird. Your emotional well-being takes priority.

What You Should Do If Your Ex Starts Asking for Advice

  1. Reflect on Your Feelings: Before responding, take a moment to understand how you feel about her reaching out. Are you comfortable giving advice, or does it stir up old emotions?
  2. Set Clear Boundaries: If you’re okay with giving advice, set clear boundaries. Ensure that the conversation doesn’t lead to a space that hinders your emotional progress.
  3. Be Honest: If you feel uncomfortable or think it’s inappropriate, communicate this to her. It’s okay to say, “I’m not the best person to help with this.”
  4. Stay Neutral: If you choose to give advice, be as objective as possible. Avoid delving into your past relationship dynamics or her new partner’s possible intentions.
  5. Consider the Impact on Your Healing: Continuously being involved in her life, even as a confidant, can impact your healing. Ensure that this interaction doesn’t set back your progress.
  6. Avoid Ulterior Motives: If you’re hoping that giving advice might rekindle your relationship, step back. Providing advice with hidden motives can complicate things further.
  7. Seek Support: If you’re unsure about how to handle this situation, talk to friends or a counselor for perspective.  For that matter, reach out to one of our Ex Recovery Coaches to get some help with the entire situation!

What You Shouldn’t Do

  1. Don’t Dive Into the Past: Avoid bringing up your past relationship or using this as an opportunity to rehash unresolved issues.
  2. Avoid Being Overly Critical: If you decide to give advice, refrain from being overly critical of her or her new relationship. Keep the advice constructive and impartial.
  3. Don’t Ignore Your Comfort Zone: If discussing her new relationship makes you uncomfortable, don’t force yourself to be the advisor she seeks.
  4. Resist the Urge to Gossip: Keep the conversation between the two of you. Sharing details with mutual friends can lead to unnecessary drama.

Understanding the Implications

When an ex-girlfriend asks for relationship advice, it places you in a delicate position, especially if you’re still navigating your post-breakup emotions. It’s a situation that requires you to be honest with yourself about where you stand emotionally and what you can handle.

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The key is to approach this with a balance of empathy and self-awareness.

You’re no longer the couple who shared everything, and this shift in dynamics needs to be acknowledged.

It’s crucial to recognize your current role in her life – that of an ex-partner, not a close confidant.

Overall Conclusion

Being asked for relationship advice by an ex-girlfriend is a scenario that blurs the lines between past intimacy and current separateness.

It demands a high level of emotional intelligence and a clear understanding of your boundaries. Whatever decision you make – whether to provide advice or to politely decline – it should be one that respects both your emotional journey and hers.

Remember, you are not obligated to fulfill this role if it doesn’t align with your well-being. Navigating this request is as much about understanding her intentions as it is about respecting your emotional limits.

Your priority should be your own emotional health and ensuring that any interaction with your ex-girlfriend is healthy, respectful, and considerate of the healing process you both are undergoing.

But as all of this is going on, don’t forget that if should have a Game Plan and should be following it in order to achieve your overall objective.

The Expert’s Corner: 12 FAQs About Handling Relationship Advice Requests from an Ex

  1. Why is my ex-girlfriend asking me for relationship advice?
    • It could be due to comfort, trust in your judgment, or a subconscious desire to maintain a connection. Consider the dynamics of your past relationship for context.
  2. Should I help my ex with her relationship issues?
    • Only if you’re comfortable and it doesn’t hinder your emotional well-being. If it brings up negative emotions, it’s okay to decline.
  3. How can I politely refuse to give her advice?
    • You can say something like, “I think it’s best if you talk to someone closer to your current situation. I’m not sure I can provide the perspective you need.”
  4. Can providing advice harm my healing process?
    • Continually engaging in her life, especially in an advisory role, can blur boundaries and potentially slow down your healing process.
  5. Is it okay to ask her why she’s seeking advice from me?
    • Yes, if you’re curious or confused, asking her directly can provide clarity. Just ensure the conversation remains respectful.
  6. What if I still have feelings for her?
    • If you still have romantic feelings, it’s wise to avoid deep involvement in her current relationship matters, as it can complicate your emotions.
  7. Could her request for advice indicate she wants to get back together?
    • Not necessarily. While it could be a sign she’s trying to reconnect, it’s not a definitive indication of wanting to rekindle the romance.
  8. How can I maintain a friendship with her while refusing to give advice?
    • Be honest about your boundaries and suggest that she might find better guidance from someone else. A true friendship will respect these boundaries.
  9. What if giving her advice makes me feel connected to her again?
    • If advising her rekindles old feelings, it might be best to take a step back. Prioritize your emotional health and the progress you’ve made in moving on.
  10. Should I talk to my friends about her request?
    • Discussing it with friends can provide perspective, but ensure it’s with people you trust and who have your best interests at heart.
  11. How do I handle feelings of jealousy when she talks about her new relationship?
    • Acknowledge your feelings and remind yourself that you’re on your own path now. If these discussions trigger jealousy, it’s a sign to establish firmer boundaries.
  12. Is it normal to feel confused by her request?
    • Absolutely. Her reaching out for advice can bring a mix of emotions, including confusion. It’s normal to question her motives and how you should respond.
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Chris Seiter
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