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There are really three outcomes that can occur during a breakup with a girlfriend.
- She can break up with you
- You can break up with her
- The both of you can mutually agree to the break up
Out of these three breakups which “situation” do you think has the least chance of success and which do you feel has the best chance of success?
Hmm…
Well, if an ex girlfriend breaks up with you then that probably tells us that something (for her) isn’t going right in the relationship. Therefore it is going to be a bit harder because the headwind that you have to overcome is whatever feelings you gave her that made her think that she didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore.
But what about if you broke up with her?
What kind of chance do you have if this is your reality?
Most likely, you will have an easier chance of getting her back.
It’s common sense.
HOWEVER, there is a huge misconception that men have when trying to get an ex back in this situation. They honestly believe that the entire process of winning an ex back (if they broke up with that ex) is going to be a cakewalk.
It’s not…
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Which makes what I am about to say next that much more important.
Guess who I believe has the best chance of winning an ex girlfriend back?
It’s the couples who “mutually agree” to break up.
Why?
Easy, generally speaking there are no super hard feelings between the two.
The same cannot be said in the situations where you break up with an ex or where she breaks up with you.
There are always hard feelings in those situations.
But that’s not so much the case in those mutual breakups but lets get off the mutual break ups because that’s not why you are here. Nope, you are here because YOU broke up with your ex girlfriend and now you are regretting your choice and want her back but you haven’t quite figured out what you need to do to get her back.
Well, I am happy to say that I can help.
But where should I start?
Hmm…
Oh, I know.
Before We Begin I Need To Tell You Something Important
Many men come to this website wanting to get their ex girlfriends back.
But there’s a problem with this line of thinking….
Getting an ex girlfriend back generally isn’t a simple process. It requires a lot of thought, strategy and even a little bit of luck.
The truth is that I can’t tell you everything that you absolutely need to know about getting your ex girlfriend back in this article.
For me to say that I can would be a lie.
Luckily, I have created something that can tell you just about everything you absolutely need to know to get your ex girlfriend back.
You can learn more about it by clicking the button below,
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Why Your Ex Girlfriend Might Not Want YOU Back
Usually I start off these guides with a massive insight into the actions that brought you into this situation. Oh, and when I say “massive” I mean MASSIVE. Heck, I would say it’s one of the prime reasons that Ex Girlfriend Recovery has become so popular.
In fact, I have written multiple books (Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO and The Texting Bible) based on these incredible insights.
But I am not going to do that today.
I don’t think you need me to create this laundry list of reasons for why you broke up with your ex girlfriend.
Heck, YOU know why you broke up with your ex girlfriend and while I am a huge proponent of trying to get your ex back for the right reasons it seems like no matter what I tell you, your mind is already made up and you want your girlfriend back.
So, instead of focusing on why you broke up with your ex girlfriend I want to talk about her and what she is feeling. More specifically, why it is going to be pretty tricky for you to win her back.
I suppose the most logical place to start is immediately after the breakup and why your actions will actually work against you.
(Hey, how bout that. I did find some way to dissect your actions.)
You did something that pissed your girlfriend off.
Care to guess what it is?
Nope, it’s not the cheating…
Nope, it’s not the flirting with other girls that one time…
And it’s definitely not the fact that you believe that the Karate Kid is the bad guy of the movie.
(Psst… I do too.)
It’s the fact that YOU had the audacity of breaking up with her.
Now, I don’t know what you said or what you did after the breakup but the mere fact you broke up with her is going to upset her and it creates this invisible headwind that you have to somehow get around if you want to have any chance of getting her back.
Confused?
Ok, I know just what the doctor ordered.
It’s time for me to create my world famous graphics illustrating a point!
(Que the applause!!!)
Pretty cool, right?
Lets dissect this a bit.
Obviously in this graphic you are the sailboat and you are sailing towards a destination which I have marked on the far left of the graphic. So, you are traveling down your merry way when all of a sudden you hit this really strong headwind.
As you can see, I have labeled the headwind as your ex girlfriends anger with you since YOU broke up with her.
Now, I am no expert at sailing but even I know that if sailboat hits a headwind it’s going to slow down and in some very rare cases may stop it’s progress forward entirely. Though I suppose you would need some massive hurricane for that to happen.
(I could be wrong though.)
So, how do professional sailors get around a headwind?
Well, usually they turn their sails to the headwind and move from right to left kind of zig zagging their way forward.
Hmm…. think of it like this,
I guess what I am trying to say is that they almost get by the headwind by going around it.
We need to do something similar with you in your situation.
But how?
How can we zig zag around your ex girlfriends anger of the breakup?
Well, my first piece of advice is to implement the no contact rule.
The No Contact Rule And It’s Ability To Diffuse Your Girlfriends Anger
For those of you who aren’t aware of what the no contact rule is I suggest you check out my book, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO for a more “in-depth” explanation.
OR I suppose you can click on this link.
Anyways, I am not going to do what I normally do.
(What I Normally Do = Give you a quick crash course for what the no contact rule is.)
Instead, I am going to assume you already know what it is and just continue.
Alright, so what I established above was the fact that your ex girlfriend is going to be upset that YOU were the one that broke up with her. Overcoming this anger (or headwind) is going to be essential to your success.
So, here is my question to you.
What should you do to overcome it?
Your first instinct tells you to apologize or make some grand gesture but that doesn’t work.
In fact, subconsciously she is expecting this. Especially if you made it known that you still care about her but just didn’t want to be with her.
Why though?
Why is she expecting an apology or a “grand gesture” when she is hurt?
It’s actually quite simple.
Let’s say that you were walking down the street one day and you were looking at your cell phone. As you were looking at your cell phone you accidentally bumped into a person walking down the street. What is the first thing you say to the person you bumped into?
(Assuming you aren’t an a**hole.)
“I’m sorry?”
or
“I apologize.”
It’s common courtesy right?
As human beings we have this intense desire to help those who are hurt.
Take a baby who is crying non-stop because it’s very colicky.
A reality that I am living through at this very moment…
Seriously… My daughter has kept me up all night because of colic and is screaming behind me as we speak and my wife is trying to console her.
It’s that simple act of consoling a crying baby that makes us human because we know the baby is in pain and we want to help make it feel better.
Well, your ex girlfriend is subconsciously expecting the same thing to happen to her after a breakup.
She is expecting friends to come to her aid…
Family to come to her aid…
Oh, and even YOU to come to her aid…
But guess what I have found to be the case when you give her, her wish?
She ends up getting angrier.
Why?
Because there is nothing you can say at the present moment to make her less angry.
Oh, and if you think asking her to be your girlfriend again will work… it won’t.
She has all sorts of reasons to doubt the stability of a future relationship with you.
Lets look at the situation from her perspective.
One day the two of you are getting along swimmingly and then all of a sudden you break the news to her that you don’t want to be with her anymore. The second she hears this her heart is crushed and she is completely blindsided.
Now, If you have ever been blindsided in a relationship by something then you probably know what I am talking about. However, if you haven’t experienced what this is like then lets let you in on the experience.
I suppose the best way I can explain this is with a quote by UFC Legend Georges St. Pierre,
It’s not the punch that you can see that knocks you out. It’s the punch you can’t see.
This perfectly describes what it’s like to be blindsided.
She doesn’t want to experience this feeling ever again so if she were to decide to take you back then she would always be living in fear of having that feeling of being blindsided again. I guarantee you that she has run this scenario through her head at least a dozen times.
The future with you is unstable.
Besides, now-a-days it’s looked at as a taboo to take an ex back.
Seriously, what is the first thing that friends say to a woman who has had a boyfriend who just broke up with them.
“Oh, you are better off without him…”
“All men are dogs…”
“Plenty of fish in the sea…”
Getting an ex back isn’t very popular and the closer you are to the breakup the more intense these feelings of anger are and then you have the added benefit of dealing with the taboo of taking an ex back so fast.
This is one of the many reasons that I advise that you go into a no contact rule after a breakup NO MATTER WHAT.
I think it’s a universally agreed upon fact that in most cases time going by can diffuse anger.
Thus, by that logic if we let some time go by due to the no contact rule your ex girlfriend won’t have the same anger that she was having towards you right after the breakup.
I sense a graphic coming on…
A couple of things I want to point out here.
Obviously your ex girlfriend is going to be super upset after the breakup and after some time goes by (preferably by a NC rule) she isn’t going to be as upset. However, I was really clever when picking the face emoticons in the graphic.
I want you to notice that the face that I have under “your ex after the no contact rule” is still not very happy.
In fact, it looks like there is some disappointment in that face, doesn’t there?
Look, one of the biggest misconceptions about the no contact rule is that it’s going to solve all of your problems.
That if you use the no contact rule on your girlfriend she will somehow magically forgive you and everything will go back to the way it was before. Unfortunately it doesn’t quite work that way. Your ex girlfriend will still probably be upset after the no contact rule but she will be nowhere near as upset as she was immediately after the breakup before you did the no contact rule.
Just look at the difference between the faces above.
One is seeing red while the other is just a little skeptical/disappointed.
Now, I don’t know about you but that’s one hell of an improvement in a short amount of time.
I know what you are thinking, though…
Well, before I get into that lets talk about the advantage that you do have over other men.
The Advantage You Have Over Other Men & How Good Your Chance Of Success Is
I am a big believer in the power of logical thinking.
In other words, when I try to size up a situation where a man is trying to get his girlfriend back I always ask a few basic questions,
- How good of a chance does this situation have of success?
- Are there any advantages that this situation has over the others out there?
- What about disadvantages? Does this situation have any?
Now, I have already talked about the disadvantages you are faced with if you are trying to get your ex girlfriend back if you broke up with her but what I have yet to talk about is how good of a chance you have of getting her back and if you have any advantages over any of the other situations out there.
I suppose we can talk about your advantage first.
(Oh ya… I forgot to mention that you do have one.)
The BIG Advantage That You Have Over Other Men
Lets hit the pause button, zoom out and take a look at the big picture of the situation you are in.
Right now we know three things.
Thing #1- You were the one who broke up with your girlfriend
Thing #2- She is probably upset at this fact
Thing #3- The best way that you can combat this anger right now is to implement the no contact rule.
Well, I am about to let you in on thing #4.
Are you ready?
The fact that you were the one who broke up with her can actually serve as an advantage when it comes to getting her back.
Weird, right?
Well, it’s not actually that far out of left field when you think about it.
Human beings always seem to desire that which they cannot have.
I often use this example to describe men for the women on my other site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery but I am going to reverse engineer it for you since I feel it applies to women and I even mentioned this little example a bit in my last article.
Lets pretend that a woman is faced with the very tough decision of choosing between you and your clone.
There is nothing that is different between the two of you at all.
Same looks…
Same personality…
Same job…
Same weird birthmark on your left buttcheek…
(Too much?)
The ONLY thing that differs between the two of you is that she dated you and she hasn’t dated your clone yet.
Now, let me ask you a simple question.
Out of the two of you which do you think she will desire more?
Notice how I have the phrase “desire” bolded?
I did that because I am not asking who should is more likely to date again. I asked who she desires.
My money is on the fact that she is going to desire the new experience… the new guy (even though he is your clone.)
Remember, men and women always want what they can’t have.
And this brings us full circle.
YOU were the one who broke up with your ex girlfriend. You know what that means, right?
You put your ex girlfriend in a position where she is forced to desire you.
Why?
Because even though she did technically “get you” at one point you ultimately broke up with her which is essentially the equivalent of telling her that she can’t have you anymore.
Now, I don’t know about you but that automatically puts her in a position where she is going to have to seek YOUR approval to get you back.
At least, that is what she is going to think.
And therein lies your greatest advantage.
When you do begin your campaign to get her back you will always have this on your side. She will always be under the assumption that she wasn’t good enough and there is nothing more than women love to prove to men that they are good enough.
Trust me on this.
But there is still a very pressing question to answer.
What kind of chance do you really have of success?
How Good Of A Chance Do You Really Have Of Success?
One of the things I like doing here at Ex Girlfriend Recovery is assigning a certain percentage value to a certain situation.
Generally speaking the higher the percentage the better the chance.
Oh, and just so we don’t get out of hand with percentage the max percentage you can get is 100%. Of course, when it comes to getting an ex girlfriend back there is no percentage that is that high.
In fact, I would say that if you had something like a 40% chance of success that, that would be an amazing number.
Why am I telling you this?
It’s because I am going to attempt to assign a percentage to your situation.
Oh, and in case you forgot,
Your Situation = You Breaking Up With Your Ex Girlfriend
One of the biggest advantages that I have over other people in my field is that I interact with a lot of men and women in the comments of my articles. It is through these interactions that I am able to preach my message and see the kind of results they yield.
Now, some people are willing to get their exes back but they have problems following instruction.
Let me give you an example.
Lets say that I am trying to teach two men to get back with their ex girlfriends after they broke up with them.
Man A
&
Man B
Now, lets also say that I come up with the very best strategy for getting an ex back in this situation and I teach it to both men.
Man A listens very intently but when push comes to shove he falters from the game plan and ultimately fails to get his ex back.
Man B, on the other hand, not only listens to the game plan but implements it to a T and gets his ex back.
I taught this very same strategy to both men so that means that my strategy had a 50% success rate, right?
Technically yes but there is a problem.
Man A did not follow my strategy. Instead, he opted to follow his own and while that can work sometimes it didn’t in this case. In my mind this ruins things because the strategy that I taught him is very different than the strategy that he actually employed.
What’s the point of me telling you this?
When I talk about the percentage of success I am only taking into account the people who followed the strategy perfectly.
In other words, if any alterations were made from the strategy I taught it doesn’t count because those alterations can really matter to your ex girlfriend.
I know what you are thinking…
“OK OK OK We get it… Just tell us what the percentage for success is in our situation.”
Honestly…
And I am not bullshi*ting you here.
A situation where YOU broke up with your ex girlfriend has the best chance of success out of all the situations out there.
I would say that if 100 men attempted to get their exes back in this particular situation 40 of them would succeed if they used my strategy.
In other words, 40% of them wold succeed using the strategy I am about to teach you.
Are you ready?
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back If YOU Broke Up With Her
I want you to take a look at the graphic I put together below.
Study it because it is EVERYTHING you are going to need to get your ex girlfriend back assuming you broke up with her,
Now, I am not going to lie to you.
This is the premise of the strategy that I teach in Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO and I am not going to be teaching you all of it today.
(Hey, I have to leave some of you wanting more.)
Nevertheless, I am going to dissect it a bit for you here.
I look at this strategy as having three parts.
Let me show them to you,
So, the three parts are,
Part One- The No Contact Rule
Part Two- The Value Chain
Part Three- Success
Lets talk about part one for a second.
PART ONE- The No Contact Rule
Sound familiar?
Yup, I already talked a lot about this and told you how important it was to diffusing your ex girlfriends anger.
Notice how I have strategically placed the no contact rule before anything else.
This is because I want to make sure your ex girlfriend is at a place emotionally where she will at least be responsive to you.
Now, what do I mean by that.
As you are about to learn with the value chain, I am a big believer in using text messages to “work your way up” the value chain. However, it’s kind of impossible to move up this value chain if your ex looks like this every single time you reach out to her,
That’s where the no contact rule comes in.
Like I said above one of it’s many purposes is to get your ex girlfriend at a place emotionally where she will accept messages from you.
Once she is in this place that’s where we can turn our attention to part two of the process.
PART TWO: The Value Chain
I have talked about “The Value Chain” a lot on this website specifically here and here.
(Heck, it’s the premise behind Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.)
Can you see the value chain alright?
No?
Ok, let me zoom in on that one part for you,
How’s that?
Good?
Alright you will notice that there are four main parts to the value chain.
- Text Messages
- Phone Calls
- A Small In Person Interaction
- A Romantic In Person Interaction
In a nutshell this is the order that you have to communicate with your ex girlfriend.
So, you start off with text messages…
Then you move to phone calls and then to the small in person interaction and finally the romantic in person interaction.
Now, I know you want details but I am not going to give them to you…
Well, maybe I will give you one big tip.
It’s this idea of always leave your ex girlfriend wanting more.
The premise is actually quite simple.
You get your ex girlfriend all worked up to where she is hanging on your every word and then at the climax you suddenly just end….
Kind of like I am about to right now!
PART THREE: SUCCESS!!!
What Do You Think? (119)
Norbert
Hi,
Me and my ex-girlfriend were together for 2,5 years and we lived together for 6 months.
I am 26 and she is 19 ( but she is mature for her age )
Our relationship was a dream, i really think that she is the love of my love even if we won’t get back together.
But we started to have multiple fights about little silly things. I broke up with her a lots of times, during 2,5 yrs but only for 1-2 days. I know f***ed it up this part because i was too intense and could not bear the constant criticism about me doing anything in the relationship.
This last break up was bigger and different. Let me paint it to you.
About a month ago we had a big fight I said i want to move out at night she asked me to think it over and talk about it tommorow. And we did, she said maybe its the best if move out. When she said that i said that i down to step back in a relationship so if she wants me to move out then it is better break up. We did, she cried I cried and i left.
After 3 days i called her and told her i intend to fix my problems and going to a therapist to find out why i was running from the relationship everytime something bad happened. She said that she does not want to feel the pain anymore she felt everytime when i left her. Even if she has to bear the pain of shutting me off out of her life. I contacted her because i wanted to get back together. But on the phone she didnt seem opened to it. She said she afraids 2 things: 1.: not getting back together is gonna be her biggest fault that shes gonna regret or 2.: getting back with me but she will never gonna get over the fact that i left her for good and her pride is gonna be in the way in our relationship.
I havent contacted her for 15 days.
Could you tell me what should i do? Wait her to contact me or i should due to the fact i broke up, and if i should when.. ?
Thanks in advance.
You are really making a differnce by helping people through this website!
Please forgive my bad English!
EGR Team Member: Amor
You can initiate contact after nc, but if you weren’t active in improving yourself and in posting, restart the count of nc..
Will
Hello, I broke up with ex six months ago. The relationship was great for the first two and a half years but the last few months were full of fighting mostly because she felt like I wasn’t ready to take the relationship to the next level. She is 37 years old with two kids in elementary school. Maybe taking on the responsibility of being a parent played into my decision. I broke it off, moved out and proceeded to travel and teach overseas for a few months. After a two month nc I reached out and poured my heart out explaining that after time for soul searching I realized that I am ready for marriage and to be a step dad. She was obviously still angry and was not interested in me coming back to her. We met through work and now we are back to working together. She has a new bf that she is half moved in with but their relationship has been volatile to say the least. We have worked together for six weeks and there are still hurt feelings on both sides. I will work with her for the next five months before I make the decision to leave the US without her or stay with her. How should I approach getting her back thanks
EGR Team Member: Amor
Slowly build rapport while you are improving yourself
Joe
To sum it up, I dated a girl for 2 years. She started being really induced for some reason and started turning controlling and manipulative so I broke it off with her. I wrote a harsh breakup text cause I reached my breaking point. We didn’t talk for two months and she saw me out and tried to make me jealous. It was annoying as shit but I shrugged it off. She texted me a sincere apology to make things work out. She tried hard and I gave in but still had bad feelings, so we argued and stuff but when we were together in person, things were always perfect. I broke it off again because we were both arguing and I felt disrespected, she never posts me on her social media but posted a picture of her and two other guys that I have no clue who they are. I want to try and work on things with her but don’t know where to start. Been a week since we last texted.
EGR Team Member: Amor
how are you now Joe?
R
So based on every article I’ve read, I may have already messed up by violating pretty much all of the “don’ts” of getting back with your ex.
This was my first relationship. We dated for nearly 2 years and everything was going well up until the end, where I began feeling suffocated and wanted space. We are two very different people by nature; I’m introverted while she’s outgoing and needs constant attention (she acknowledged this). Truthfully, I wasn’t being a very good boyfriend either; I didn’t take her out often or spend as much time with her as I should have. She was also on birth control at the time which made her moody and made her say some pretty rude things, exaggerating our relationship problems. That was sort of the tipping point for me. So I suggested we take a break from each other.
I mostly saw this as a chance to step back, sort out my life, and figure out what I wanted. But I suppose breaks don’t really exist; at least, I don’t think she saw it that way. I told her it hurt me to see her unhappy, perhaps we were incompatible, and that I wanted space. I even encouraged her to see other guys that would treat her better in the meantime and that ultimately, I wanted her to be happy.
She was pretty devastated at first. She took back the rude things she said and blamed it on hormones. She pleaded that we try to work things out. Said I was “the one” and let me know how much she loved me, how she would care for me despite me losing my hearing, how she wanted a future with me, and that if I ever changed my mind, even if she found someone else, she’d want me to keep fighting for her. We ultimately agreed to try to remain friends for the time being, and that we’d always care for each other. Wasn’t a bad breakup, I suppose.
Her words have have been on my mind ever since. I regretted it immediately afterward and wanted to take it back. I don’t know why I couldn’t accept her birth control excuse. And I regretted not at least giving things another chance before breaking it off.
But all of my friends told me I broke it off for a reason and question whether we’d truly be happy if we were together again. Said people don’t change that much and that things might work out for a couple weeks, but eventually the old issues would creep up again. I get what they’re saying, but at the same time, I don’t think I ever gave an honest effort to fix things. I was willing to try again.
Even though we agreed to remain friends, our contact was extremely limited. About a month passed and I really started to miss her. So I texted her with the intent of making amends, asking if we could meet for dinner. She declined, hinting she still wasn’t over me. So I decided to give it more time.
Another month passed. She started liking my posts again and tagging me in funny Facebook shit. She congratulated me for getting inducted into an honor society. With the semester coming to an end, I figured this was my last shot. I asked her whether we could catch up. She seemed excited to.
We met for some coffee. It was our first time seeing each other in several months. We talked about what was new with our lives for a good two hours. Towards the end, I confessed that I missed her and wanted her back.
She claimed she still stood by everything she said when we broke it off and that part of her wanted to get back with me as well. However, in retrospect, she agreed with my reasoning for the breakup and admitted it was for the best. She is afraid of the same issues arising and doesn’t want me to change myself for her. More or less parroting what my friends have been telling me. She’s seeing someone else right now but claims they aren’t serious and that she could easily break it off with him if she wanted to. She also claimed that this new guy has nothing to do with her response and she would have answered the same way if she was still single. She didn’t want to give me hope and left it at that.
We parted amicably and she sent me pictures of cute animals afterwards to lighten the mood. She also checked up on me later to make sure I was still doing okay.
Now it’s my turn to wallow in sorrow. I’m experiencing a late heartbreak I guess. I know I should have expected this. It’s karma. I hurt her first, got what I deserved, didn’t know what I had ’til it was gone, etc. But I really do love her and had every intention of treating her right if I got her back. I thought about waiting it out over the summer, but I fear she’ll have moved on completely by then.
Is this even worth pursuing further? It’d be one thing if she told me the feelings were no longer there. But they are. And I’m not ready to give up so easily. Is there anything I can try to do to win her back?
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi R,
Why not try the advice above?
chris
my problem is almost the exact same except she didnt apologize but kind of went on a tangent about how i broke her heart and what not which made me feel so bad after thinking about how much i cared about her and wanted to protect her but in the end i was the one who actually hurt her the most.
Optimus
Hello,
I just wanted to know. I broke up with my ex girlfriend of 3 years for about 6 months now. I’ve completely disappeared from her life and am still on NO CONTACT. However, it seems that she has decided to do same. Its been 6 months, I didn’t get a call, a text, nothing, never bumped into her!!
I think am only asking this question because I miss the relationship and no HER. She was full of problems, thats for sure. But I kind of miss having a relationship with “substance”. I know I will meet someone even better than her, but all in all, she was the girlfriend that I dreamt about (without all her baggage).
p.s: we had about 5-6 mini break ups during our 3 years (I even begged once or twice, but thats it).
So, do you think she will ever contact me? Will she come back like boomrang?
EGR Team Member: Amor
That’s hard to say.. If you want a relationship, go out more and do what you love so you can meet people with the same interests.. because if you’re not going to get back with her, it doesn’t matter if she contacts you again or not
Carlos
I broke up with my girlfriend and I really feel like shit. We were having a (text)argument and i just said lets just go our separate ways and since we both are kind of stubborn we stopped talking for a few weeks to each other.
The argument was mainly about the both of us feeling unwanted by the other to sum it up.
I feel like i was a jerk to her for a while because of the problems i had at the time.
-jobless
-broke
-just feeling down at the time
-it felt for a while like she didn’t want to be with me
-in hindsight i can see that even though i had some credible reasons
-she was partying a lot with single friends
-we had an incident where she got pregnant and never told me and had an abortion-found out when she got sick at her job.
-we made it through that. but she felt cold with her feelings towards me and my life was going downhill, fired, depression.
i could have went about my situation much better instead of making her feel down.
We didn’t talk for a month, I called her up one day because i honestly missed her. We talked for a bit but she was cold. I tried to plan a meetup so we can talk. then i found out she has a new bf. She avoided seeing me in person but still texted me for a few days until i saw her walking one day and got her to go on a drive with me so we can talk. Long story short, I got angry because she was avoiding me at all costs basically just texting me and not wanting to see me in person. she is kinda shy so i always had to make the effort when we get into problems. We got into it, basically i was angry because as im telling her how much i miss her she was buried in her phone and ignoring me the whole time. so i grabbed her phone and threw it out the car(we were parked). She ended up walking from there. Later on i met with a mutual friend of ours and she told me that my gf was hurt that i keep treating her like she doesn’t matter and that she had to move on and end the cycle of breaking up(we broke up before) all breakups were initiated by me(sadly). The next day i thought about it and she was right i wasnt making her feel special at all so i called up a basket delivery to her job. she texts me saying she loves it and the flowers. but she said also said this changes nothing
I just felt like she doesn’t talk to me about things esp when the situations get difficult. She also has a habit of making me not trust her. She doesn’t tell me when shes out sometimes and when i call her she talks in cryptic message about who she is with and what she is doing. She grew up in a sort of difficult home, her communication skills are not great(The reason for our first breakup).
Basically i wasn’t treating her right for the past few months because of my personal problems, felt like she wasn’t being supportive/encouraging so i ended it. I dont know what to do I want her back in my life. Her new bf is a clear rebound, she still talks to me for the most part, I feel like she doesn’t trust me and that I would hurt her again. Please help me with some steps to making her want to be with me. I am limiting my initiations as per NC rule. I have been working out and focusing on my future but it still hurts.
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Carlos,
Restart 30 day nc,.focus in improving yourself and being active in posting in social media and then take that as a restart.. Build rapport slowly instead of asking her back right away..
Carlos
hey can my name be edited out? for privacy reasons i did it by accident….
EGR Team Member: Amor
Sure 🙂
Jay
I was friends with this girl for about 8 years, since high school, I showed my interest to her here and their but we would mostly be busy being involve with other people, until last January. She started showing interest and then we stared dating. Everything was great, many laughs, many good times and never any arguments. It went on this way for about 10 months. September, I started nursing school and had less time ot hang out. We went from 4 or 5 times a week to maybe once or twice a week. I start to notice a change. Her texts get shorter, she didnt reciprocate when I tell her I miss her, stops sending me selfies. I asked her what’s up and she said she wishes we could spend more time and that she wants more time before she can invest more feelings. So I make changes and try to spend more time with her, as she requested, while maintaining my good grades. About 2 months pass and I ask if she is satisfied with the relationship, she says, “yes and no.” She expressed to me that she is disappointed that her feeeliings are not deeper for me at this point in the relationship. She told me she has walls built up from her past relationship and that she needs time to figure out what to do. I ask her if there is anything I can do, she says no, that Im a great guy, but it is just her..
SoIm still dating her and hanging out with her and she acts much different, doesn’t often show affection, gives me small snippy attitude once or twice, and it basically felt like she wasn’t there with me. Like she as mentally checked out already. So I confront her and ask what’s on her mind, she tells me its about what we talked about last week, and that she doesn’t want to lead me and and make me think everything is ok. I then ask her if she thinks our relationship is worth saving, and she basically tells me she does no see a future in us. So I told her I’m really disappointed because I thought we had so much potential and decided to break up with her.
It seems to me that her interest has waned, possibly to me maybe showing her too much niceties and attention? Or maybe I didn’t challenge her enough, even though I tried to. I do want her back, but haven’t spoken to her in about 2 weeks. What should I do? My view on relationships has changed and I am completely dedicated to making my next gf or harder for me, whether that may be my ex or a new girl. Should I just scrap this and move on? Or should I try to contact her and get the steps going? To try to rebuild her respect and attraction for me? Is it a good idea, or should I just be on to the next? I want to be with this girl.
Jay
Edit: I am completely dedicated to making my next gf work harder for me, and my goal is to maintain the attraction thru self improvement, and requirement of equal or more effort by the girl, regardless of whether m next girl is a new girl or if I get back with my ex. But should I even try to get back wit her?
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Jay,
I think it would be better to have a good communication whether with her or with your next of what makes each other happy.. because maybe her love language is time.. her mistake is that she pretended to be happy even if she weren’t
Kmari
Hey my name is Omari and was looking for any help. My ex and me were together for 4 years. We lived together too. I broke up with my ex about a month ago. I broke up with her out of angry because she emotionally cheated on me. After the brake up she went to stay at a friends house. I realized I made a huge mistake and wanted her back. So I went into NC. The second week of NC she contacted me and wanted to meet up. I broke NC and went to see her. Once I got there we talk about the relationship and there were still a lot of emotion. We Hook up and I told her I want her back. She deny and insisted we be friends. I agree and figure I could still have a chance at rekindleing the fame being her friend. Couple days after that she wanted to hang out and we went to get lunch. Everything was good. I called her the next morning and she told me she stay at some guys house. I panic, so from then I told her I couldn’t do this right now and went back NC. I’ve been in NC for a month in a half now. I been having a Rough time because I don’t know what to say in the initial contact. And in that month and a half period she never contacted me. What should I do?
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Kmari,
check this one:
How To Use Text Messages To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back
Jim
Dear Chris & team,
I’ve been having a real rough time getting my ex back over the past few months. We have been together for 5 years and lived with each other for 4. In the situation where I got my ex back after i broke up with her and moved into another townhouse without her I was going swell and she wanted me back madly but what was halting me from accepting her was she was still talking to the guy who she emotionally cheated on me with online. She told me she regretted it and i told her if she continues to We can’t be together. Sure enough she didn’t but we were still friends after that I started building a slow attraction with her and we were kicking it off fine and she cried immensely one day hugging me saying she misses me but I told her I had to go home . We were friends for awhile but My expectations were higher even if she said she was missing me she wasn’t she I know it was because I was not applying NC. I roamed through the website only seeing her have communication wih this other guy and after that I broke and sent her a letter saying I wanted her to be happy we cant be friends thanks for everything etc etc. she told me if i was really going to blow away in the wind and I ignored her and did NC . 1 month later i came by to return her stuff and saw some of my belongings still around. Gave me a slight boost in confidence and we just exchanged items. I told her if we could be friends again and she was at first confused but accepted it anyway I explained i was just hurt and wanted to be in good terms . During hurricane Matthew we talked for abit and I told her if she needed yo use my shower she could she said it was fine and the next day she asked to use it but it didn’t eventually happen. Later that week i invited her over to the beach and she replied she would maybe, i was an idiot and went to her house unannounced that morning and gave bought her mom sone red wine. My ex and everyone seemed totally changed on how they viewed me but was still polite. She invited me to her room and simply said she was ‘too busy’ and promptly explained how busy she was, i replied I was fine with it and told her to not forget our mutual friend group. She held back tears and said sure wont and will plan on hanging out again soon. Next week she tells our mutual friend who is my roommate she wanted to hang out by the time she came over she seemed awkward but was just acting neutral she didn’t bother giving me eye contact much but when we sat together she told me I could sit next to her while she explained a card game to our friend. I was eating so i told her in abit. She acted cold everytime i spoke and wouldn’t allow me to speak and rudely asked if I was paying attention. I stayed calm and neutral about it. I began another month of NC and I decided to text her she responded quickly and I took the texting tips you guys provided until She didn’t respond to one of my texts on asking if she wanted to play any games and waited until half a day she said and told me her hardrive needed to be replaced. I gnated her slightly than came out with I miss her i wanted her to be happy but i would like to hang out sometime and see where it goes. (In this scenario i felt like she was using the ” get of your exboyfriends friendzone” since she never initiates) No response until few days later she neutrally told me she noticed i unfriended her on Steam ( which i did on every social media site) and that she would like to pay the games she owed, I politely declined and went on saying I appreciated her kindness but it wasn’t anything personal. That was the last time I contacted her. We were suppose to go to a concert next week but i decided to not go with her being there. My friend told her about it and she was curious as to why I wasn’t going. Any hope?
Jim
Just to add on that last msg I sent, I asked her to tell me how she felt even if it wasn’t what I would like to hear.
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Jim,
what did she say to that? At this point, if you’re going to build rapport, you have to be more friendly and use every opportunity that comes naturally to do that, like the concert.
Glen
This feels stupid but hey lets try anyway
So In January of this year I started talking to this girl that I’d met last year at a local event, we got on well but didn’t talk at the time. In January we started talking a lot and decided to meet up, and we both clearly had feelings for each other and the first date went perfectly, and we were a couple not long after that. We were together for about 6 months and everything was amazing, we really loved each other and even though some bits weren’t great (she had some big insecurities from her past), I loved her and spending time with her. We broke up over a stupid argument that just got out of hand, she dumped me but quickly changed her mind and tried to get me back. I didn’t want to at first because I was hurt, but I still had a lot of feelings for her so we did, we met at a local festival sort of thing and walked around in the rain for an hour and so, and then had a really deep conversation before we went back to hers and I slept over. I’ve struggled with some minor depression (she has as well so it was tough sometimes) and I was in a really weird place a few weeks later, we’d met up a couple of times since but it had been awkward and I didn’t know how I felt. We met up really late, in the rain (again) and had a serious conversation about us, we basically threw all of our emotions at each other because I’d been cold with her recently as I didn’t know how I felt at the time and she had gone on holiday twice without me, but complained we never did anything, when I wanted to. We broke up then as I said I need space and time to think about it. There was a lot of crying from both sides.
So recently, I don’t know where it came from, but I realized I’m still in love with her, and I want her back so so much, this is about 3 months after the breakup. I started talking to her best friend who I was friends with (through her) and telling her how I feel, it turns out she’s sort of moving on and is kind of seeing someone (they’re not officially together but they both have feelings for one another).
I sent her a really long heartfelt message about how I felt and how much I genuinely hate myself for letting her go and hurting her like that (she says she was heartbroken and honestly I believe her). She replied saying she wished I said that sooner as it could have led to something, and we talked for ages about how we felt, I was trying to get her to give me another chance (I know, big mistake this early) but it wasn’t working, she was a bit drunk at the time as she was at a party and we talked on the phone for a bit, she said that she loved me so much and hates how I left her, and she repeatedly said that she misses me a lot. I told her that I still loved her and didn’t want her to go because she means so much to me (which is 100% true). After talking for ages, sort of going in circles, we decided to meet up the other night. It was her idea at first but she changed her mind, but I wanted to as well so we did. This is the first time I’d seen her since the breakup.
We walked around for a bit and talked like we were just regular friends, which is nice in a way. After about half an hour we sat on a bench and started talking about our feelings, we were both crying a lot and I was saying how much she meant to me and how much I hate myself for letting her go and that if she just gives me one more chance we could be so good together. She wasn’t budging much, she said that a part of her wants to try again, but that she wouldn’t listen to it and that she wants to move on with this new guy because she doesn’t want to be hurt again. After a lot of crying and hugging, we were looking into each others eyes for ages, as if it was the last time we’d see each other, and she kissed me, I kissed her back then freaked out a little because it hurt knowing that it doesn’t change how she feels despite seeming like it.
Eventually, after a lot of hugs, we leave. I broke down crying on the way home (she didn’t see me don’t worry) and Iv’e been unable to sleep lately, struggling to eat properly etc, I’m crying a lot. It genuinely broke my heart (at least I know how she felt?).
We were talking on facebook the day after, just having a laugh talking about random things, it was nice but it hurt a little because it felt like how we talked when we were together. I had to leave for work and asked if we could talk later, she said yes in a really nice way, but when I messaged her after work she took a really long time to respond. I messaged her again today as me and my mates were driving to a shop, I sent her a picture because I thought it was funny and the kind of thing she would do. She hasn’t responded yet, so I haven’t messaged anything else.
Despite her saying that it’s too late (she says she still has some feelings for me and misses me as well, which was obvious when she kissed me), I really don’t think it’s too late and I think we have another chance together. I’m going to go into no contact now, and work on improving myself (it’s hard because I feel like she’ll spend time with the new guy and not think about me), for example I went running with my best friend for the first time today which felt great.
When we were talking yesterday we agreed to meet up for coffee as friends in a couple of weeks, but I have a plan to take her for a walk up the local castle with a picnic and some candles (it’s really dark early evening) and a blanket etc and just sit and talk up there. I feel like this may be too early and too much all at once, especially after our really long conversation the other night, and that she might just reject it.
Any advice at all would be really appreciated, I really do love her and think we could be an incredible team but she doesn’t want to be hurt again, I just want to prove to her that I can be the person I was at the start, and be the couple she (and I) wanted us to be.
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Glen,
instead of trying to convince her through words, do it by action. You have to really improve, be different from the guy she was before.
Nick
I was together with my ex for a little over a year, at the time I had other things that were making me emotional and I shouldn’t have made the decision to break up but I did. I messed up and begged for her back and apologized and everything, then I sent the clean slate text and started no contact. I am now almost completely through my 21 days of no contact which will end on Thursday. My ex had sent me 2 texts before during my three weeks and yesterday she sent me “Hey Nick. Can we talk?” I’m not sure how to reply to this or whether I should dodge or what to do when my no contact is done. What do you suggest?
EGR Team Member: Amor
HI Nick,
did you talk?
Nick
Yes I did after my 21 days of no contact were over. I used one of the example texts after no contact and the response was positive! I made sure to end the conversation first. I started a second conversation and it went well except she had to go somewhere for school and she waited to respond to me until after which was around 10:30 pm. I didn’t want to respond around 11:30 as I usually wait an hour to respond right now so it doesn’t seem like I’m waiting on her to respond. The last text though didn’t have too much to respond to, and she sent that 3 days ago, I waited 3 days between my first and second contact but I didn’t know if I should just say that I forgot to hit send on my message or not. or start another conversation If you have any suggestions they would be much appreciated! Thanks!
EGR Team Member: Amor
In those cases, if yoy can send messages everyday do so..and then just rest for 2-3 days maybe after 4-5 days of continuous talking until you can procees to calls
InRegret
Chris and Team,
I’m trying to get my ex back after 8 months of NC. We dated for about 6 months, but I didn’t have my s*** together and I broke up with her. I was struggling getting over a prior relationship that lasted many years, and couldn’t open myself up fully which was causing communication issues on my part.
She is the most amazing woman I have ever met, and over all it was the most amazing relationship I’ve had (I’ve dated off and on since). I blamed her for much of the break up, which she took it very hard (understandably, I WAS an a**), but we talked off and on for two weeks after where I was extremely cold (not replying to texts until the next day, not budging on ‘trying again’ etc). The breakup was brutal, she really fought for me and was extremely angry about it, and it didn’t help being around valentines day. I tried to remain friends, because I was unsure, and needed some time to figure things out (aka therapy) but “she’s wasn’t that kind of person” and our last phone conversation ended terribly – she was very angry, said I treated her like shit, that she hated me, and said I didn’t deserve to ever be loved by anyone again. She sent me a sweet text after saying how she regretted ever meeting me. Just to clarify, I didn’t cheat, or go back to my old ex… I just needed some space.
7 months of NC went by, then last month I called her and left a pathetic voicemail (bad idea, not practiced, had no idea what to say). Then this month I finally sent her a handwritten (with fountain pen) apology that took me about a month to think about. The letter apologized for a few things specifically, while shying away from too many excuses, told her how much I missed her (specifically), then concluded with asking for a fresh start… It’s been two weeks since now, and I’ve gotten no response. I feel like I waited too long, and really hate myself to say the least. She’s very sentimental and romantic, and always got me little gifts – I was going to get flowers with her card and considered showing up to her place, but I everyone I talked to said anything other than the card was a stalker move… So I sent her the letter without my address because I was actually in the middle of moving, AND I was worried that she wouldn’t read it if seeing my name.
I wish I found your site earlier – I feel like I should’ve started with little texts, that maybe the apology was too direct (bringing up emotions), and that she has moved on. Part of me just hopes she didn’t get the letter, she ripped it up thinking it was junk mail or that I just have more work to do but I don’t know what to do (if anything) next…
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Inregret,
ok.. let’s say, she did receive the letter, then let’s say that’s your clean slate letter. Start to be more active in social media now, act like you’re moving on before messaging her.
Ali
This might be too long, and I am sorry in advance, so if you read it, It is very much appreciated 🙂
I left my ex 4 years ago, because she was leaving to another country for a year and I didn’t wanna be in a long distance relationship, I got with another girl shortly after and she thinks I left her for the other girl, which is not true. She was very broken and we stayed kinda close to each other during the period where i transitioned from her to the other girl (which I didn’t really wanna do but I didn’t wanna be alone) and then she left to the other country and our communications were reduced.
However, me and my ex we kept meeting for coffee every once or twice a year, she came to some of my gigs and complemented my interviews on radio and tv and bla bla.. so it was more like formal interactions.
This summer we met for coffee and it seems like it really sparked all over again, I saw it in her eyes, we had coffee for like 7 hours 😀 she talked a bit about the past and how she was sad because of me but said she isn’t blaming me!
then I invited her for a walk a week after and she accepted. She was kinda afraid though, and taking baby steps.
As a third step I invited her for dinner but she was very hesitant and she kinda rejected it in a nice way, but I made a joke and the rejection was cancelled, and we were trying to set a date for dinner, but it didn’t happen.
Later on one of her friends died, so I told her to go with me to church to light some candles if she wishes, she agreed, then after we were done, she said she wanna go home, so I walked her home and then she said she doesnt wanna be home so she suggested we have a coffee, and I invited her over since we live near to each others, she accepted. She came over I made some cappuccino we listened to music for many hours, we cuddled and all, nothing sexual though! The next day she became a bit cold though when she was here she so happy I couldn’t believe my eyes, she was squeezing me! She was telling me that was afraid to commit in the past (out of the blue she mentioned that)
then a day or two after she was kinda avoiding me nicely! but I wasn’t insisting much, I just tried to invite her for dinner but to no avail! and she left to another country for a year to do her masters, so now we are long distance again (karma is a bitch :D)!
I made her a great gift for her birthday, I made some sort of a short movie where I sang for her in a language I learnt for her, I did NC for 26 days and I broke the NC on her birthday with the gift, after that she seemed more interested in me, but she is still kinda taking baby steps, I am a bit lost, cuz I usually talk to her we have a nice conversation talking about mutual interested where she laughs a lot and uses a lot of emoticons and I leave the conversation at a high point, but she only started a conversation once, I always start. I donno if thats a bad sign, and her facebook is full of love songs that seems to be pointed at me.
I am kinda stuck on the facebook chat thing since she is in a different country and I donno how to proceed from there. I would appreciate your take on this and I am very sorry for the long comment.
EGR Team Member: Amor
HI ALi,
It’s ok that you’re the one initiating.. It would really take baby steps especially if you’ve been hot and cold before.. As long as you’re the one ending the conversation at high point.. Especially that you’re long distance.. it would take a long time of building rapport..
Ali
That’s nice to hear!
The thing is, we would be having an amazing conversation, she would send me loads of messages and share a lot of songs she likes (I asked her to share some songs, and she shared a lot, she kept sending me songs for a long time, even after I ended the conversation)
and then out of the sudden, I ask her for help in something, she took 2 days to reply, but she did help, she laughs after many things I say, uses a lot of happy emojis, and make jokes, and then suddenly I start another conversation, i get a neutral response like lol.
I wait a day or two and I send her something asking her to send more songs (which she loves to do) but she totally ignores it :D. Meanwhile she is dry on chat, yet comments positively on somethings I share on facebook.
I am very confused and donno if it is just a matter of time or not!!, sorry again for the long reply!
EGR Team Member: Amor
that means you have to rest for now.. the conversations are getting boring and I think you’re starting to look like you’re chasing her.
Jonas
I broke up with my girlfriend about a week ago. And I already regret it. The worst thing is that we study in the same school and in the same class. It would be much easier to me to not see her almost every day. I broke up with her because I wanted to get better at myself, I tried to explain it to her, but hopeless. She thinks that I broke up with her beacuse I’m tired of her or something. Is there anything that I can do?
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Jonas,
if she doesnt believe you, stop trying to convince her and start improving yourself instead
Dominic Cruz
Well after trying to be friends and thinking that I could work it out with her. It didn’t work, so I told her how I felt and that I couldn’t be just “friends” because I love her more than anything. I also told her if you can’t see through us, then I respect that. But if you change your mind and you do see through us, then you know where to find me. So I’m a let go and let God. I felt she was stringing me along because I was always the first and last person she talked to everyday. She called me so many times after I wrote that to her and I chose to ignore it because it wasn’t like she wanted to get back together, she’s hurting from the break up. I felt like It was more that she wanted the last word. I’ve been really emotional about the decision because if I had kept her around as a friend, she would of never had the chance to miss me. So when I cut her off, I blocked her from social media. The minute I did that, she unblocked me from facebook which surprised me and she friend requested me. I chose to ignore it, but I’m really trying to cope with this whole thing and I’m realizing everyday that living without her just sucks. I don’t know what else to do and our 3 year is approaching next week.
Nick Clark
I broke up with my girlfriend about a little more than 2 months agof because my family didn’t like her and she wanted me to move in with her, but I wasnt ready for that, and I broke it off with her while went on a family vacation and broke her heart. I realized that I do love her and after this time has past I need her in my life, I regret what I did, and there’s alot of issues I caused with my family knowing about mine and hers business so I messed up there. She told me that she waited for me to see if I would return but I didn’t and now I juse started to, I want advice about my situation to see what can I do to try and get her back.
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Nick,
are you in no contact rule now?
Dominic Cruz
Hey, my name is Dominic. I was in a off and on relationship 3 times and I broke it off again because we got into a real nasty argument where her insecurities went overboard. She got jealous about a co-worker who left across the country to pursue a different career and I had no interest in this other woman at all. However, she saw that I was interacting with her through twitter 2 weeks later, not even close to be flirting and she flipped out on me. She talked to me as if I had cheated on her and then later tried to tell me she was just telling me her feelings, but it didn’t go that way. I broke it off the next day because I felt we needed time apart to grow. I tried getting in touch with her 2 weeks after the break up by showing up unannounced (bad move) giving her a series letter and gym pants. But her roommates were nasty and she also dismissed me in such a harsh way where she told me she was seeing someone else. Later on that night at 4am, she apologized and didn’t like me showing up unannounced and that she lied….she isn’t seeing anyone. Then 3 days later I had an epiphany and told her, then I was threatened by her mom for a restraining order. Since then I haven’t said anything, but I have been trying to pick myself up by going out to beaches and reflecting. This relationship was so good and yes there were ups and downs, but it was something that I wanted. How can I get her back? Everyday since that day of the breakup it was hurting and I was in shock because I never wanted it to happen but I did it. She blocked me on every avenue of social media and won’t be surprised to be blocked by phone number and her roommates don’t even like me at all. Her mom, only knows one side of the story and she doesn’t like me. Help? I really love her and she is my first love and I don’t want to lose that forever. I understand my chances, but man it has been rough. I gave her the last word in a text and my series letter and I feel like the ball is now in her court, which means I have to wait. What can I do? I’m all over the place.
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Dominic,
you have to really back off now.. Letting time pass is the only choice.. but ofcourse, you can’t just wait for time to pass.. you have to show you have moved on. SO, that someday when she knows you have moved on, she wouldn’t have second thoughts being friendly again.
Dominic Cruz
Well I have backed off for some time. Now she is contacting me via direct messages (similar to text message) under a new account. She previously deleted her other one because she tried avoiding me. Under her new account, I’m acting like I don’t know who she is, but I’m talking to her giving her the good night and good morning treatment. I noticed she is missing me. How do I keep progressing this?
EGR Team Member: Amor
That means the no contact is broken.. If you’re acting like you don’t know who she is, does that means she’s using a different name? Once she knew that you know that’s her, would she change the way she talks to you?
Dominic Cruz
In the past couple days we have talked. We talked about what went wrong and how we could of been better. She said to me that she can’t see through anymore. However, she told me she loves me and we started talking great things to each other. After she told me she loved me and vice versa, she said all the great characteristics about me and I said the same to her and she told me to give it time. She still loves it when I tell her good night and sweet dreams because that was something I did everyday and I loved it. Same with the mornings.
Dominic Cruz
We are best friends to each other and she knows I would do anything for her. Btw she knew I knew it was her under that account, but the way she talked to me felt like we were getting to know each other even more hence that’s probably why she told me, “let’s give it time.” She knows I want to be with her, but I have to break the cycle of the off again and on again. And so far, I’m recognizing that very clearly.
Mark
I lost my job and gf on the same day. We fought because I was feeling sad etc…
We got back together a day or 2 after and then I called it off shortly after that because I couldnt deal with everything that was happening.
I cant stop thinking about her and I dont want to meet anyone esle, however, I needed a break, I was going crazy. She says because I broke up with her that it’s over and it’s time for us to move on.
I chatted with her tonight and it almost seemed like she was interested and then nothing. She said she is over with me. I asked her if she is dating anyone, she said no. So that’s good?
Even though we were together for a short while and we faught, I really miss her.
She said she doesnt want to be hurt again. I dont know what to do. I already sent a last ditch text take it or leave it kinda thing with sorry and I miss her earlier and so that’s what we talked about, then with her saying she has to go and bye….so I asked her if I may take her out to dinner tomorrow.
She also said we had fun together.
How do I prove to her I wont hurt her again? I feel like hitting my head against the wall.
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Mark
Are you back together now? hope you are
Frank Li
Hi I (23M) recently broke up with my girlfriend(20F) last week. I broke up with her because we were not always on the same page and struggled sometimes with having deep conversations. I kept seeing her flaws and it built up in me before I broke it off with her last week. After thinking about it more this week, I have realized how selfish I was in the relationship and how much effort she had put into the relationship to try it make it work, while I kept criticizing the relationship. The past few weeks I have seen her change so much, but in the moment it was hard to see it. When we broke up, I had told her that I wanted to meet with her on August 20th to talk things over, and that we should enforce the NC rule until then. I really want to get her back and text her. I was wondering should I wait until August 20th, or should I text her before then.
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi frank li
since you already told her that.. stick to it and use the remaining days to improve yourself
Diego
Hi there, me and my girlfriend of around 6 months recently broke up about 4 days ago. We started dating, then I moved about 2 hours away for school. I felt that as time passed by she wasn’t as happy, and I guessed it was because of the long distance. 4 days ago, she told me she didn’t feel like talking and that she wasn’t happy and that she didn’t know what to do. Thing is, two weeks ago, I decided to move back. I’m moving back in a week. I noticed how unhappy she was, but I never asked her why, since I had a plan to surprise her. I know it was my fault that I didn’t ask her, and I apologized. Then 4 days ago, I got emotional and said that I wanted to end it since she didn’t seem happy and wasn’t putting effort. I now regret it immensely and found out she blocked me from her phone. I sent her a message on facebook saying I made a mistake and that I got emotional and said things I didn’t mean. I told her didn’t want to break up, and that I had decided to move back to her city, and part of the reason was for her. I can still go to school there and do finish. She said she didn’t really feel like talking to me right now and that I really hurt her. She didn’t think she could forgive me. I haven’t messaged her after that, and that was 2 days ago. Should I just wait a couple days and do NC? She now knows I’ll back to her city in about a week
Thanks, great website!
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Diego,
wait for a week.. SO, that means that’s when you’re back there.. Talk to her when you arrive there..
Gedas
Hello guys.
My situation is simple. Just few points.
We lived for 7 months togethere and we know each other for 18 months.
We had a big arguing after another and i decided that i dont wnat that anymore. So i packed my stuff and got out. Also i said a lot of nasty words to her.
After 3 days i regret that so i wrote sms that i forgot few things, we met for a few minutes, it was cold short conversation. Then later that day i called and invited for dinner, she refused, but we met next day. Then I said is there anything we could do about our relationship and she told she doesnt want to get back, maybe sometimes meet for a weekends. Also we have a trip in few months and she said that there is one bed, so i should sleep somewhere else, i said nope problem, but then she told she is kidding. After 5 days she asked about the trip again and we talked only for few minutes.
After 5 days again she writes me again. About where to change tires? How should i respond?
I dont believe that no contact rule would work for me in this particular situation. I think i’m mentally prepared to be in good mood and to spend time with her and i believe she would agree.
What do you think about that?
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Gedas,
if you feel that way, that’s good.. You should try it!
Madara
We broke up 2 times already,our relationship started 2010 i was her first boyfriend. the first broke up was 2011 and i beg her to comeback. then the next year while we’re at college (im architecture student. she’s accountant) 2012 We’re both busy studying that time there’s a conflict on our schedule. i broke up with her through text because we seldom meeting each other for the last 3 months. I feel miserable with our broke up. i hurt her badly. I dont text or meet with her for these last 3 months before I broke up with her. This 2 break ups was because of me lacking time for her. I abused her love and time for me. I seldom meet with her. Im trying to make excuses that im busy even im not. I thought im alright broke up with her. She knows that there’s no 3rd party involve on our break-up and its all about my ignorance and selfishness. That time i want to have more time for myself. I want to have freedom without restrictions from my ex. I thought im doing ok for this past years. Im shouting to the whole world that i’ve moved on with her that im doing ok and fine. We dont have any communication other than being friends on social media. But now this 2016 this past 2 months whenever i seen her post doing fine enjoying. I always thinking about her and now these thoughts that i want her to comeback is starting to pop on my mind. Im confused if its ok to disturb her life that she’s already move on? She’s doing fine and taking law this year. The guilt that i hurt her is still there. I dont know if i’ll give it another shot. Will there’s a chance to make her comeback?
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Madara,
Try first, if she replies positively take it slow and build rapport.
kenny
ok my problem is pretty huge. So me and my ex we have a long history together… we broken up 3 times now including this one… I broke up with her the first time…. i regretted it.. i was crawling and begging for her to come back . Then i found out she was with a guy and then later it did not work out with the guy and she came back to me….. Then we got back together for few months and then she decided to dump me again because I give her too much… then she immediately found a new guy and they slept togehter and stuff….. few months passed and it did not work out with him and she came back to me once again… At this point I was so confused but yet i accepted her back for all the things she did with the guy…Then however we dated for few months again and I decided to break up with her like around november 2015. Because my reasons were i couldnt imagine myself living with this person in the future so I decided to break up.
Then few months after i regretted completely… I realise she was the realest person ever …..I can accept all her flaws and everything. But around january 2016 , she came back to talk to me … she asked me if I was still her friend. I told her yea…..
Then she told me how she had a thing with this guy and they slept together ( fuckfriends ) because my ex had feelings for the guy because she told me that he understood her … bullshit. Then me and my ex we made out and kissed and stuff. During that night where we kissed , she told me I cant do this to you .. I need to cut off the guy because this fuck friends thing is fucking her up mentally. But when she went to talk with the guy to solve the problem .. She told me they kissed.. LIKE WTF? i am so confused… I dont kno what to do…. I really though we would get back together yet she kissed the guy and few weeks ago she told me she still has feelings for the guy. Yet I also confessed all my feelings to her saying how he meant to world to me … How she was so important in my life….. She told me she was speechless and she wanted to be single for now. I just had to cut her off because my feelings were involved the whole time and I got hurt real bad.Then she got mad at me because I was gonna leave her again as a friend and she was blaming everrything on me. NOTE: the guy that she slept with , he was my friend….my ex and him were talking to each other while I was dating her…. I let her go chill with this guy because my ex values friendship more than anyting. I guess i shouldnt let my ex go chill with this guy… Im just frustated. Please give me a advice , I would really appreciate.
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Kenny,
With everything that happened, you should be the one who’s angry.. She’s so used to you being there whenever she wants to.. if youbreally want her back.. at least make her prove you’re not an option
chenny
Hi
I recently got dumped by my girlfriend, After valentine day we haven’t talk but on that day she seem a little bit off. And after the a while i kept calling her and texting her she didn’t reply. Couple day later she text me back saying she don’t have time she have to study. Then one day she finally text me and say we need to talk. I already feel the chill down my spine, on that day my love come to a end she said she want to break up with me. She told me during that one month period we haven’t talk she said she never thought of me or miss me, and she told me she doesn’t like me anymore. I love her so much. I ask her is it because i kept bothering by calling and texting she said yes. And sometime i know i forget little things about her like what time she get off school, i’m always working, always want to spend time with her. Now shes gone i want her back, after couple days have pass she text me back saying she feel really appreciate what i did for her and said i was a good guy and wishing me find a better girl, she wanted to give me the stuff back that i gave her for christmas and her birthday. DO i still have a chance to get her back? maybe we need some time apart?. I havent reply to her. I’m in like 3 days in my no contact rule. PLease help me!
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Chenny,
Sorry for the late reply.. If she said she’s annoyed with your texts abd calls then definitely do nc.. do an active no contact… improve yourself anf be active in posting in social media..don’t post anything relating to her or the relationahip..
Larry
I was searching for help for getting my ex fiance back when I found your site and I am hoping you can help me. Here we go. I was involved with this girl I met online a little over a year ago. She is in college and has no phone of her own. Being a former college student myself I know how busy it can be. One day we were chatting and she said she doesn’t have time for me which upset me to hear so I said to her “I’m breaking up with you” She came back and said “OK fine I don’t want to talk to you anymore”. Now I am trying to get her back but not sure if it is possible. What do you think?
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Larry,
when did you break up?
Jay
Hey Chris,
Read your article on what to do if you broke up with her, and want her back. Will try to keep it brief. My ex and I dated for about 11 months, and only 2 months into it she started staying at my place. We got along great, went on trips, I hung out with her friends, family. Everything was perfect and I didn’t mind her staying. I don’t know what happened, but over time we started arguing more. I started feeling less attracted to her overtime and missed being single and hanging out with my friends. To me, it seems like a classic case of me just needing my space. 8 months into it, she wanted to move all her stuff in officially, and that scared the crap wasn’t sure based on how things had been going lately. I told her how I felt and that for the time being I wanted space, and she stormed out saying she was done. We got into some heated arguments and I might have said I didn’t see a future with her, but was just missing my own space more than anything. A couple months went by, she called, texted, begged to talk to me, explained how I was her best friend, but I wasn’t ready to jump back into it because I was enjoying my space. She also found out I was on a dating site. I know this, and not wanting to try to work things out quite yet hurt her pretty bad. We did go out on a date the second month into the breakup, and had some of the best sex we have ever had, so I thought we were going in a good direction, but maybe it was too slow for her.
I started to realize that the grass isn’t always greener, and we did have a great thing going and the relationship probably just needed some work and better communication. The problem, that not even 3 weeks after our date, she starts telling me she is seeing someone and is falling for them. It makes me jealous, sad, and shocked at the same time that she would move on that quick…her replies are a lot shorter now, but she does remind me of the hurt I caused her very often.
Is this just a rebound ? What should I do? I don’t want to look desperate, nor do I want to say anything bad and become a common enemy of her and her new bf. I did have one day of calling/texting pretty upset/mad after hearing about this, and her completely ignoring me, which I said was stuff based on emotions and not logical thinking. I have apologized to her about how I handed the breakup, but I still hold my ground about my decision and don’t want to seem pitiful. Any advice ? We are both in our mid 20s. We talk off and on every day, but her responses are pretty short lately which worries me.
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Jay,
How long has she been seeig the other guy? While tecting, do you think you can make it interesting instead of doing nc now?
Jay
I’d say max of a month, but I don’t see any proof on FB or in texts. What do you mean by interesting ? Show I have changed and was sincere about wanting her back ? I have been doing NC for about 3 days.
EGR Team Member: Amor
It means talking about topics she loves the most. If this was all like starting from the beginning, and you know she doesn’t like you, what would you do to keep her interested in you?
It’s like that but the difference now is that you already know what she loves and likes talking about.
Jay
We have been texting a little more and I have been throwing in a lot of humor which is one thing she always liked about me – she has been more receptive lately. However, when our relationship topic comes up, she always makes a point that she is falling for someone else and every single time, brings up how bad I hurt her and how she blames me for a lot of arguments we have had..and usually she starts ignoring me after that for a period. When it came up today, i just asked her to talk and she said she was busy…am I rushing this ? I don’t know how to get her to hangout.
Based on how emotional she gets when we argue through text, I don’t think she is over our relationship yet.
EGR Team Member: Amor
actually, it’s bettet to not raise that topic until she’s attracted enough to get back with you
Jay
Ok. Yesterday I told her I was buying a smart watch, and then asked her how her day was, and she said “You don’t care”. I don’t know how to interpret that ?
What if she ignores my messages for a day or few days ? Is it ok to limit texting to a every few days ?
EGR Team Member: Amor
actually that’s a negative comment. That means you have to stop texting her for a few days..
Jay
She’s just responding with one word texts.
EGR Team Member: Amor
after trying the texts, and the negative reply..that means the better option now is to do nc
Jay
We had about 3 consecutive days of really good texting conversations – laughing at eachother’s jokes,etc. And today, I got the ignore treatment. Texted her a few times and got a little frustrated about it. Then she says she has moved on and she can’t do this anymore. She thinks I’m trying to sabotage her and her new bf, which I have said nothing negative about her new bf.
She keeps reminding me how we broke up 5 months ago. But to me, we have seen each other less than 2 months ago. I think I really should just give up on this.
EGR Team Member: Amor
oh no.. I forgot she with another guy…yes, that would really happen because she would protect her vurrent relationship.. since she knows you want her back, yes, the best next move is to stop for now and move on… If the right time really comes at least both of you have moved on from the past
Jay
Yeah – they started dating almost immediately after her and I saw each other and I was still unsure about getting back with her and wanted to wait a little longer. She told me the other day that I absolutely destroyed her when I broke up with her. She claims she is in love with this new guy after dating him for a month, which to me is immature, and a sign of a rebound. He also doesn’t seem like a quality guy in terms of education and lifestyle, which her and I value greatly. I am in the tech industry, and she is getting her masters in business. He has a low paying blue collar job(nothing against that). He does look like me somewhat which is strange. Regardless, I’m not letting it get to me anymore. I am stopping contact for about 3-4 weeks and going to enjoy my life and date other women, start some more hobbies, travel, etc. Does this sound like a rebound ? Do you think my chances are good of her contacting me within NC ?
EGR Team Member: Amor
yeah, it does sound like a rebound..if the honeymoon period is over after nc, there’s a greater chance
Jay
What if she says something negative in text, and then calls the next day during NC ?
EGR Team Member: Amor
YOu have to be firm on not answering. I know it’s hard but it’s for the best..
Jay
I didn’t answer. I have been doing NC for a week. Extremely difficult…but working out and talking to other girls helps. Should I give it 20 more days
EGR Team Member: Amor
just to clarify, you didn’t finish your first nc right? if so, it’s better to do at least 21 days this time
Jay
I caved today, after 10 days of NC. Asked her what her weekend plans were, and she said she was busy and is with someone. I continued to say I’m glad you are happy, but I want something serious and if you don’t i’m moving on.
She started saying “you treated me like shit”.
Also a girl I used to date added me on FB a few weeks ago, and my ex she said I hope it works out with her and i’m sure you are trying to get with her, and you “ruined everything”.
I said it shouldn’t matter who I talk to because you’re with someone. She didn’t respond and I said this is tearing me up, but I need to move on because this is dumb. Why is she jealous all of a sudden over something stupid? Do you think these are signs that she cares? Assuming I should start NC over….for how long ?Do you think she is using these tactics to make me want her more? Thanks for your help Amor.
EGR Team Member: Amor
Yes, jealousy can mean she cares but it can also mean she is hurt because she’s still possessive of you.. Do at least 21 days since you already did 10.. if you feel you need to extend when you reach the 2st day.. that’s okay
Jay
Yesterday she said I treated her so bad when we broke up. We were so close after living together for a year. Do you think I need to apologize in any sort of way ? I don’t want to look weak, but at the same time, I want her to know I’m truly sorry and that I have changed. How can I do this, or continue with NC ?
EGR Team Member: Amor
It’s better if you send a sincere apology..ay least it would be a full reatart after nc and that you never meant to hurt her like
I’m sorry on how that moment turned out. Words were said out of emotions and I didn’t mean them. I understand you’re hurt but I hope someday you’ll forgive.. Only time can prove that I have changed and I didn’t mean what I said, so I won’t say promises.
something like that.. at least you’re not begging right.. if she replied nicely that’s good, reply back and say thanks and that yoi need this time for yourself and her, so that you stop hurting each other.. and then end it with that text.. then start nc
dont tell her long you will do nc..
Danie
Hi Chris,
I broke up with my girlfriend (an LDR, 200 km) about a month ago, because she told me she feels that she can’t engage to neither me nor another guy. I take this decision beacuse I wanted to “shock” her and reconsider her decision. We met in March and maybe we had go fast and underestimate some aspect of the relationship, but all was ok. On August she went to a fire preventing camp in Sardinia. When she came back she was different (she often told that she’s like a male beacuse she likes do practical thing). We talked, I told her “think if you want to continue this relationship” and she replied “I talked with my parents and I decided to continue but we must reconsider the ways of communcation (like phone calls, meeting in city halfaway etc…); prior to this we send only text message”. A month ago the broke. I implemented the NC for 21 days, then send her a text message with an apology for the decision I’ve made and that I make that for the shock of her “revelation” and that if she would told me what worries her that she can contact me.
Thank you in advance and sorry for my english but it’s not my primary language
Chris
Wait did you send the text message before or after nc?
DANIE
I send it after the NC
DANIE
I sent it after NC.
Drew
So this girl was never officially my girlfriend, but she might have well have been. i met this girl last fall while i was broken up with my girlfriend for about a month due to mixed feelings i had before meeting this other girl. I absolutely loved everything about this girl. She was a 10/10 in my book, more so then my girlfriend who i ended up getting back with right before i headed back home for the holidays out of security it seems. After we all return from break, this girl and i hung out and one thing led to another and we made out. this was a recurring problem, we both liked each other but i struggled with letting go of my gf. after i was honest with my gf about us, she told me that i couldnt be friends with this girl anymore, so ultimately agreed…but after 1.5 months of awkward glances between the girl and myself we became friends again and all seemed well until the feelings rushed back in all over again. I went home for the summer, came back and ended things with my gf again.. .. the girl and i were finally able to try again, but after my ex went to college and found another guy, and i freaked out and called things off with the girl to try and get the ex back. In the end i realized that my ex isnt someone i wanted to be with and that our “love” was more about a security net. Now the girl i really like was not able to talk to me for the longest time bc she was hurt, granted. recently i told this girl my feelings toward her, but she said that right now she doesnt have feelings for me, of course i deserve this but it hurt, and said that we can work on being friends slowly. also said that i have to let go and see what comes back, that she isnt saying never, just as of right now no. she liked me for a whole year and wanted to date me for that long, so i am just trying to get her interested again. I think she is afraid to feel for anyone right now. i am also afraid to show her that i am moving on and maybe date someone else bc then i feel like i will lose her. we both have 2.5 years left here, so maybe time will heal, but i just need advice if i should move on to find someone else or just wait. thanks.
Chris
Did you ever try to make things official?
Sorry I am just curious.
Drew
I didnt commit because of my ex back home. My ex kept trying to get me back. I am nice guy so i didnt want to ignore her, but i missed the opportunity with the other girl, who i really wanted to date.
EGR Team Member: Amor
Hi Drew,
Saying no doesn’t mean you’re not nice.
Jason
Hey Chris I could really use your help! I have been reading your articles( A little too late I think) after already making a lot of mistakes. So ill give you some background information on my situation. My girlfriend and I dated for 3 years and now were only 22 years old. We were very serious and even planned on getting married, but she was my first girlfriend and only girl ive been with. I didn’t want to look back at my youth and regret not fully living life if she wasn’t “the one” so I decided to end it. The main problem I had is I was too honest with her. I told her that I needed to live my life an experience new people which made her feel like she wasn’t good enough for me. (she also is terribly self conscious and kind of emotionally damaged from her past experiences). I went out and I had my fun with a lot of girls but I found myself craving my ex girlfriend. We would still hangout after the break up with her knowing I was going on dates with other girls. But that stopped one day when she got extremely disgusted with me. 2 months later I tried getting her back by doing over the top romantic gestures after telling her I needed to “show her something” it failed miserably. All I could see was pure hatred in her eyes. But we started going out to dinner “as friends” after that and she ended up getting a boy friend. Id still try persuading her to get back with me but she would always say “not now” or she doesn’t know because she was with the other guy. Shed tell me she doesn’t see a future with him. She told me the only person she could see herself with at that moment was me but she doesn’t want to be hurt again and I cant prove to her that I wont break up with her again/ that I was not worth the risk. So throughout all this I made the mistake of writing her poetry, pleading with her, and even crying but obviously this didn’t work. One time though i was smooth and even managed to get her to kiss me I brought up all the great memories we had at dinner and I could see the love in her eyes. But after that she was really distant with me for a while, and the hatred in her eyes was back. I told her I couldn’t be friends with her anymore and that I had to move on . She told me she understood and wished me the best. She texted me the next day saying she broke up her boyfriend that he wasn’t good for her that she needed to care of herself, but also told me to take care as well. I just opened the texting conversation with her 3months later using your specific style of texting and she responded a few times and some were good, but her response time is always so long that we cant get into a flowing conversation. And sometimes she wont respond at all. Right now my plan is I’m waiting a few day to contact her again with one of your texting style openers. Any advice you could give me for my situation? I would really appreciate your help!!
Chris
What mistakes did you make exactly?
Sorry just had time to scan your comment.
Jason
Well not sure what you were able to read, but long story short I broke up with her / 3 months went by tried getting her back through over the top romantic things/ I was extremely needy/ extremely available to her/ settled for being just friends this went on for around 2 to 3 months . She told me she couldn’t take me back because she couldn’t trust I wouldnt break up with her again. Eventually I told her I had to move on.. 2months later I just opened up the conversation with her.
I employed your techniques on trying to improve myself physically, socially, and mentally and ready to try again. She responded positively to my texts a few times but her response time is so long we cant get into a flowing conversation, and sometimes she doesn’t respond at all. I’m unsure of what my next move should be, the last text I sent to her was asking about something I thought would be interesting to her but no response. I know if I can get her in person and she can see the improved me my chances will be good but I don’t know how to get to that point.
Chris
Can you give me a sample of some of the convos you’ve had?
Jason
I Have had 2 separate short conversations with her since breaking the no contact period.
The first conversation I had was before I came across your guide on texting your ex. I opened the conversation with her because I saw something online about her being signed up for a wedding registry with the date being our anniversary so I was confused and asked her about it, she told me she made it while we were still dating. the conversation went like this from there
Me – ” Anything new and exciting going on in your life?”
Her- “Nothings new. Just been sick for a month or so.”
Me-“Damn that’s awful gotta stay strapped with nasal spray I bet(she always carried it around) They make you employee of the month at your work yet? ( I knew they didnt do employee of the month but she would always go above and beyond at work)
Her-Yeah its bad. And no they don’t do that lol
(All this happened in a span of like 6 hours because she would respond so late that I figured I had to end it)
Me- “We will have to continue this later, I have to study for an exam, but it was nice talking to you glad your not getting married lol”
her- Yeah nope not getting married lol. Have fun studying, I have Disney vlogs to watch anyway”
(she was always huge into Disney but after I broke up with her when wed hangout she would say I killed Disney for her because her best memories at Disney were with me, and that she didn’t believe in love anymore. The fact that she was watching them again made get a little hope)
So I waited a couple days and texted her on thanksgiving saying
Me ” Happy bird day! So youre watching Disney videos again that’s awesome. I bet your looking forward to all the new movies coming out”
Her ” You too. Yup couldn’t stay away. Its just going to be a long wait.”
Me “You must be talking about incredibles 2 I know you want to hear “wheres my super suit” ( she was always looking forward to this movie and I remembered she loved this scene) I also texted her
Me ” You see there making a marvel civil war movie, that was our idea I want my cut lol” (we thought they should a movie with this plot before they actually did) She responded to me like 12 hours later the next day
Her ” Still one of my favorite scenes lol, and yeah I saw that, told you I come up with great ideas…apparently million dollar ideas”
( I think I might have gone a little too far on trying to be interesting In the following text)
Me “Oh I know that’s the reason I’m talking to you. I want to make you an offer. We throw you in a think tank for a month and then you come up with a great idea then we split it 50 50)
Her ” Nope. My idea my money.”
Me” Allright lets say you came up with an idea and now your rolling in the $ What would be the first thing you do?”
She didn’t respond to this, and its been 4 days since. Ive never had problems texting girls I’m usually good at it. But its just something about her. Every time I try having a conversation with her after the break up she would always give me nothing to work off of in text Its always a 1 sided conversation. Idk if I’m analyzing what I say too much or I’m trying too hard or if the fact that I’m nervous texting her. I feel like if I don’t try leading and carrying the conversation she will just not respond at all.
My plan as a right now is to wait a couple days then send a text like this ” I heard Rudolph the red nose reign deer on the radio, it reminded me of the time we remixed it and sang it for your grandparents, I cant believe some of the things you would get me into” Something like that.
I appreciate any help and advice you can give me, its pleasantly surprising knowing there are people like you out there. Thank you.
I
Jason
Hey Chris, so for an update: she texted me asking me a question 5 days after her ignoring my text and I answered it, but she didn’t reply after. Do you think I should wait a week or two to send her the text I described above in the last paragraph?
Chris
Your text is perfect. Just leave out the ending where you say I can’t believe the stuff you’d get me into. Just leave it at the Grandparents part and see if she says anything without you provoking a response. It’s a nice test to see if she still wants to talk freely with you.
Alexander
ok chris idk if i can be helped or win her back but here we go. my ex i have been dating on/off 4 years. long story short we have a had incredible bond/love but like any couple have had ups and downs. i had tendency to run away when getting fustrated and would breaking up with her. i feel at disadvantage since i have won her back once already, we have been broken up for about 2/3 months. this time she has a new bf already who is in the military and she recently left to go see him for a week for the first time. through all of this we have kept contact after going about 2 months no contact. the day of her flight we had breakfast and talked i doing my best to be supportive because i understand her what if? grass is greener after always breaking up with her but i deep down dont want to lose her. i feel i have the love trump card in my hand but not sure if it will be enough, the day she left she accidentally called me babe but idk if that just from how long we have been together. she agreed to talk when she comes back but part of me is worried this it. he comes home from the military in about a month also which doesnt help. any advice would be great help im thinking just playing the supportative role like he did every time i messed up.i really want to marry her but now her current bf wants the same. this guy has been around for awhile playing the friend but they never really actually spent time together until this week. she has hung out with me while telling me what was going on so i see she doesnt really respect him? and to add our family/friends are tired of me crying wolf and her always getting hurt.
al
hope you have any advice update she wrote to me telling me it isnt the same with him but shes dealing and its not that hes bad, she sent me photos of her getting ready for the marine ball she attending with him. the only thing i feel worried is she hasnt wrote since then maybe it went well is all i can think .
Chris
It sounds like she really likes you and he’s second choice. Sounds like you are out of the no contact period. Did you try seeing her in person yet?
al
hey chris update i saw her at the mall it was very nice for 15 min on her work break we got food . i made the mistake of trying to visit her at night and she was on the phone with her current bf, and said it wasnt fair that we tried too many times and that he deserves a shot. i feel the hot cold treatment and idk what to do anymore i did tell her i was going to leave her alone.
al
so she told him she needed space to think about what she wants but she also made it clear to me im in the same boat and asked for no contact.
Frank
My story it’s a mix of situations. I broke up with my gf three months ago (some weeks before she left the country). She felt so dumped and had an horrible time. After some weeks, I decided to try with her again but when I asked to try it again she said NO!
She left the country (but is planning come back in 3 months. Have passed 3 months already without see her) and after the NC period we’re texting again (with good responses from her) but the most of the times, she just stops to text and never text me back until I text her again. In my opinion, I’m not getting her attracted to me cause she is not interested in ask our say something.
What can I do to make her invest in the communication and chase me up?
Chris
I think you need to be the one ending conversations first.
Joey
What is the best was to get in contact with you? My story is probably to long to put on here. And was wanting some advice on my unique situation.
I enjoy reading these articles. Been helping a little. But just needing extra advice.
Chris
You can email me at [email protected]
Jim
Bleh
Chris
Care to elaborate? haha
J
She actually does love her new job, its a dream job for her thats why i brought it up i figured it would get her excited talking about it but obviously she’s ignored me. That very day she did put up a picture on FaceBook that said “All i want to do is drop everything and travel the world with someone who wants to do it just as much as i do”. This was clearly aimed at me and she doesn’t often post on FB one of the reasons we split was because she thought we had different life goals.
Im going to slip back into NC like you said, it hasn#t actually effected me as much as i thought it would and something tells me she will probably reply over the weekend but ill continue NC even if she does and try working on a really good text. I’ll keep you posted!!
Chris
Gothcha.
That makes more sense to me now as to why you brought the job up.
Definitely keep me posted.
J
Well i said i’d keep you posted;
She tried to phone me on Sunday (2 Days after the text about the job) But i didnt answer it, wasn’t ready or prepared to speak over the phone at the time. Plus i didnt want to seem to available haha. She then text me a few hours after she tried to ring, basically saying she cant find some clothes and they must be at mine (Which they arn’t as we’ve actually all ready had this conversation twice since she took all her stuff after the break up) Im not sure if thats actually all she wanted, why would she ignore my text message then want to ring me especially about clothes?
Anyway i haven’t replied to either message, knowing her ill get a text telling me im an arsehole for ignoring her over the next couple of days (When i tried NC first time after the break up she flipped when i started to ignore her) coincidentally i even gave her a heads up saying i needed time but she kept badgering me about getting the sky box which she still hasn’t set up after giving it to her last month.
I really do feel like she doesn’t want me to move on, every time there becomes distance between us she tries to pull me back by contacting me about stupid stuff, before she left for her job she told me not to contact her again and she’s contacted me first 3 times! But she seems really happy to move on with her life and see other people, but if she gets a whiff that im seeing someone she gets all mad and starts popping off questions on who it is! Seems like there’s a massive double standard at the moment haha!
Jonny
So, my story starts with meeting this girl, we will call her Sarah. And our relationship was about two years with everything said and done. Sarah and I first met when we worked together at an outdoor retail store. We really hit it off right from the start and began seeing each-other everyday and dating and sleeping with each other all the time. This went on for about a year or so, until I finally got together with her. She always told me how much she loved me and how IN love she was with me every day. Everything was great until I started to feel extremely overwhelmed with school and work. At this time I was working two jobs and I was a full time student in college. So, things started to kinda fade in my eyes when she constantly needed to be around me and see me and I was extremely busy with my work and schooling that I couldn’t find much time to always see her. She said she had issues with being alone all the time and that I helped her sleep and stay happy when I was around. But I broke up with her about five months ago sometime around the beginning of April, and she was honestly devastated. But we kept seeing each other , hanging out going on dates and concerts and being around each other, and sleeping with each other for about three months after that because I loved her and I always told her I wanted her to be in my life forever. So up until then things were okay, but I was still trying to get my head on straight and deal with my responsibilities. So I kinda neglected her from time to time and she wasn’t pleased by this and got really upset saying I didn’t care about her anymore, and all that nonsense. So, about a month and a half ago, she just cut me off and said she couldn’t keep doing this to herself and that she wasn’t doing herself any favors by keeping in touch. I can understand that, I’m a reasonable guy. Well around this time, I started to realize that I was in love with her more than I thought at the time and I decided to write her a three page letter asking for forgiveness and telling her how in love with her I am and so on and so on, well around this time one of my roommates of two years(who no longer lives with me) and one of my best friends of about 12 years(the same person) started to disappear at night not coming home until he got off work the next day and sometimes not even then. He told me that he was seeing this girl from a dating sight he has been on for a few weeks and that he had all these stories of meeting up with her and staying the night. Okay, fair enough. Not my concern. But then my roommate was spending a lot of time with this girl from this dating sight and even staying the night on work nights, well this girl lives about an hour and a half away from his work and he works early so I started to get suspicious that some of the things weren’t adding up and that, me being a skeptic person, thought maybe he was seeing my ex girlfriend. Some of my other friends were getting the same gut feeling and so I decided to explore this possibility. So one of the nights he said he was with this girl from the dating sight and that he wasn’t going to be home all light, I decided to go over to my ex’s apartment and see for myself what was really going on and if I was right or wrong. Well sure enough I was correct, he was at her apartment and they were in her bedroom together because I looked through the window and noticed no one was in her living room. So I did what any guy would do, I knocked on her door. And kept knocking until I saw her pop out with no clothes on trying to see who was knocking. She realized it was me and freaked out and ran back into her room. Well at this point I know she saw me and I saw her, so I started to blow up her phone and his, no answer from either of them. I kept knocking and knocking eventually pounding on the door cuz by this time I’m seeing red and am unable to control my emotions. They still didn’t answer. I finally left, no damage was done to property and no cops were called thank god. Later that night she insists that they haven’t slept together and that I was crazy. She told me to basically go F*** myself and that I need to stop contacting her and talking to her because I broke her heart and I told her “no problem” and we haven’t talked since. Now for the roommate/best friend, he didn’t end up texting me back until the next day saying that they have been spending a lot of time together and that they basically are in love with eachother, I told him he was dead to me and that I hated him for doing this to me but he never texted me back after that. So I basically got F***ed over in the worse way possible. I haven’t spoken to either of them since and he moved all of his things out of my place with in the next couple days and moved an hour away from her and me. But from the sounds of it they are seeing each other still. I’m not sure tho. What do I do?! What should I think?!? I tried to fight for her up until I found all this out and now I lost friends and her over this entire ordeal. I started to drink heavily and do drugs to keep my mind off things but it only made matters worse and I tried to over dose..hence why I stopped drinking. so I stopped all that and started to go to the gym and change my life up for the better but I’m lost and need some advice. I can’t contact either of them,and majority of my friends took their side and are accepting them with open arms even tho this girl wouldn’t know any of them if it was for me and I feel fucked while I’m trying to figure out why the fuck this all went down and how this all went down. He is a coward and couldn’t even face me like a man, couldn’t even ask me first or anything above. And she literally destroyed me and broke my heart. What would you recommend..I just need some honest insight from someone with experience. I miss her terribly and I just want her to be happy but I’m not sure if she loves my “friend” or if it’s something else, I just want her to be happy but I need some advice! Please help me..
Chris
So, i look at your situation as kind of toxic. There is a lot of hate and anger (probably from both sides right now.) The best way to combat this is to kind of let some time go by and work on healing yourself.
E
Hey Chris,
I broke up with my ex about 4 weeks ago. About a week after, I sent a pretty positive, long apology text. She replied with a positive, long message, and we basically came to a mutual understanding that we needed some time apart. (She moved away for college, and we were in a long distance relationship for about a month, and I couldn’t handle the lack of communication. I pretty much ended up pushing her away with my neediness.) We hadn’t communicated since those few texts until about 3 days ago when she decided to message me. We have been talking with like 4-5 texts each each day since then until today. I feel like it’s going pretty well. We’ve pretty much only chatted about positive things. The last time we talked was one day ago, and I ended the conversation and said I would talk to her later. Do you recommend me waiting for her to message me first? Should I let her come to me? Should I keep pursuing her? Maybe wait a few days? Right now I’m thinking I should wait at least a few days and maybe she will message me first. I feel like no contact has really made me stronger, and I feel like I am ready to fully commit to this long distance thing. I think she may be my soulmate. I have a good memory text ready to send if I need to send it. She will be coming home for break pretty soon, and we already agreed we would see each other. Thanks 🙂
Chris
What is the memory text you have planned?
J
So me and my ex split about 3 months ago now, we stayed in contact after for a little in which time she sent me mixed signals and i begged for another chance. We split because i couldnt give her what she wanted from me in terms of romance and she said i needed to find myself. I feel i have now and i am ready to give it another go with her, however i think she is casually seeing somebody else at the moment that im sure is a rebound. I followed your advice on NC for 30 days and ended it yesterday by sending her a nice message, it said “I just watched ‘Charlie bit my finger’ video with my friend and it reminded me of you haha”
I knew this would hit home because it was an iconic video in our relationship that we always you to mention it was on one of our first real dates and she finds it hilarious. Anyway after a couple of hours she simply replied “Haha”. At least i got a response right :)?
Following your advice it was obviously a neutral response from her so i left it another 24 hours before messaging her again, this time i asked ‘How’s the new job going’. She’s decided not to reply to this message, she could just be taking her time or be confused and doesn’t know how to react to me contacting her but if she doesn’t reply should i just go back into NC again? I Know i cant tell but im not so sure if going NC again will push her even further away? Its been 3 months since we split up and i know she does still have feelings for me im afraid now if i dont act in some way she will move on which i think is what she may be trying to do now?
Help haha!
Chris
It sounds like that particular message wasn’t attention grabbing. If someone asked me how a new job is going I’d probably get back to them whenever I felt like it. But if you told me a funny story or something crazy then I’d probably respond right away. Each time you send her a text, ask yourself if you would respond to it right away. Not to mention jobs are not that fun for most people. Unless she absolutely loves her job, I wouldn’t bring it up.
Yes go back into no contact for a week. During that week think of an awesome text. Something that will make her anticipate your texts. Don’t worry about her trying to move on. If she wants to move on she will try to do that regardless of what you do. This is your best shot for now.