There are really three outcomes that can occur during a breakup with a girlfriend.
- She can break up with you
- You can break up with her
- The both of you can mutually agree to the break up
Out of these three breakups which “situation” do you think has the least chance of success and which do you feel has the best chance of success?
Hmm…
Well, if an ex girlfriend breaks up with you then that probably tells us that something (for her) isn’t going right in the relationship. Therefore it is going to be a bit harder because the headwind that you have to overcome is whatever feelings you gave her that made her think that she didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore.
But what about if you broke up with her?
What kind of chance do you have if this is your reality?
Most likely, you will have an easier chance of getting her back.
It’s common sense.
HOWEVER, there is a huge misconception that men have when trying to get an ex back in this situation. They honestly believe that the entire process of winning an ex back (if they broke up with that ex) is going to be a cakewalk.
It’s not…
Trust me on that.
Which makes what I am about to say next that much more important.
Guess who I believe has the best chance of winning an ex girlfriend back?
It’s the couples who “mutually agree” to break up.
Why?
Easy, generally speaking there are no super hard feelings between the two.
The same cannot be said in the situations where you break up with an ex or where she breaks up with you.
There are always hard feelings in those situations.
But that’s not so much the case in those mutual breakups but lets get off the mutual break ups because that’s not why you are here. Nope, you are here because YOU broke up with your ex girlfriend and now you are regretting your choice and want her back but you haven’t quite figured out what you need to do to get her back.
Well, I am happy to say that I can help.
But where should I start?
Hmm…
Oh, I know.
Why Your Ex Girlfriend Might Not Want YOU Back
Usually I start off these guides with a massive insight into the actions that brought you into this situation. Oh, and when I say “massive” I mean MASSIVE. Heck, I would say it’s one of the prime reasons that Ex Girlfriend Recovery has become so popular.
In fact, I have written multiple books (Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO and The Texting Bible) based on these incredible insights.
But I am not going to do that today.
I don’t think you need me to create this laundry list of reasons for why you broke up with your ex girlfriend.
Heck, YOU know why you broke up with your ex girlfriend and while I am a huge proponent of trying to get your ex back for the right reasons it seems like no matter what I tell you, your mind is already made up and you want your girlfriend back.
So, instead of focusing on why you broke up with your ex girlfriend I want to talk about her and what she is feeling. More specifically, why it is going to be pretty tricky for you to win her back.
I suppose the most logical place to start is immediately after the breakup and why your actions will actually work against you.
(Hey, how bout that. I did find some way to dissect your actions.)
You did something that pissed your girlfriend off.
Care to guess what it is?
Nope, it’s not the cheating…
Nope, it’s not the flirting with other girls that one time…
And it’s definitely not the fact that you believe that the Karate Kid is the bad guy of the movie.
(Psst… I do too.)
It’s the fact that YOU had the audacity of breaking up with her.
Now, I don’t know what you said or what you did after the breakup but the mere fact you broke up with her is going to upset her and it creates this invisible headwind that you have to somehow get around if you want to have any chance of getting her back.
Confused?
Ok, I know just what the doctor ordered.
It’s time for me to create my world famous graphics illustrating a point!
(Que the applause!!!)
Pretty cool, right?
Lets dissect this a bit.
Obviously in this graphic you are the sailboat and you are sailing towards a destination which I have marked on the far left of the graphic. So, you are traveling down your merry way when all of a sudden you hit this really strong headwind.
As you can see, I have labeled the headwind as your ex girlfriends anger with you since YOU broke up with her.
Now, I am no expert at sailing but even I know that if sailboat hits a headwind it’s going to slow down and in some very rare cases may stop it’s progress forward entirely. Though I suppose you would need some massive hurricane for that to happen.
(I could be wrong though.)
So, how do professional sailors get around a headwind?
Well, usually they turn their sails to the headwind and move from right to left kind of zig zagging their way forward.
Hmm…. think of it like this,
I guess what I am trying to say is that they almost get by the headwind by going around it.
We need to do something similar with you in your situation.
But how?
How can we zig zag around your ex girlfriends anger of the breakup?
Well, my first piece of advice is to implement the no contact rule.
The No Contact Rule And It’s Ability To Diffuse Your Girlfriends Anger
For those of you who aren’t aware of what the no contact rule is I suggest you check out my book, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO for a more “in-depth” explanation.
OR I suppose you can click on this link.
Anyways, I am not going to do what I normally do.
(What I Normally Do = Give you a quick crash course for what the no contact rule is.)
Instead, I am going to assume you already know what it is and just continue.
Alright, so what I established above was the fact that your ex girlfriend is going to be upset that YOU were the one that broke up with her. Overcoming this anger (or headwind) is going to be essential to your success.
So, here is my question to you.
What should you do to overcome it?
Your first instinct tells you to apologize or make some grand gesture but that doesn’t work.
In fact, subconsciously she is expecting this. Especially if you made it known that you still care about her but just didn’t want to be with her.
Why though?
Why is she expecting an apology or a “grand gesture” when she is hurt?
It’s actually quite simple.
Let’s say that you were walking down the street one day and you were looking at your cell phone. As you were looking at your cell phone you accidentally bumped into a person walking down the street. What is the first thing you say to the person you bumped into?
(Assuming you aren’t an a**hole.)
“I’m sorry?”
or
“I apologize.”
It’s common courtesy right?
As human beings we have this intense desire to help those who are hurt.
Take a baby who is crying non-stop because it’s very colicky.
A reality that I am living through at this very moment…
Seriously… My daughter has kept me up all night because of colic and is screaming behind me as we speak and my wife is trying to console her.
It’s that simple act of consoling a crying baby that makes us human because we know the baby is in pain and we want to help make it feel better.
Well, your ex girlfriend is subconsciously expecting the same thing to happen to her after a breakup.
She is expecting friends to come to her aid…
Family to come to her aid…
Oh, and even YOU to come to her aid…
But guess what I have found to be the case when you give her, her wish?
She ends up getting angrier.
Why?
Because there is nothing you can say at the present moment to make her less angry.
Oh, and if you think asking her to be your girlfriend again will work… it won’t.
She has all sorts of reasons to doubt the stability of a future relationship with you.
Lets look at the situation from her perspective.
One day the two of you are getting along swimmingly and then all of a sudden you break the news to her that you don’t want to be with her anymore. The second she hears this her heart is crushed and she is completely blindsided.
Now, If you have ever been blindsided in a relationship by something then you probably know what I am talking about. However, if you haven’t experienced what this is like then lets let you in on the experience.
I suppose the best way I can explain this is with a quote by UFC Legend Georges St. Pierre,
It’s not the punch that you can see that knocks you out. It’s the punch you can’t see.
This perfectly describes what it’s like to be blindsided.
She doesn’t want to experience this feeling ever again so if she were to decide to take you back then she would always be living in fear of having that feeling of being blindsided again. I guarantee you that she has run this scenario through her head at least a dozen times.
The future with you is unstable.
Besides, now-a-days it’s looked at as a taboo to take an ex back.
Seriously, what is the first thing that friends say to a woman who has had a boyfriend who just broke up with them.
“Oh, you are better off without him…”
“All men are dogs…”
“Plenty of fish in the sea…”
Getting an ex back isn’t very popular and the closer you are to the breakup the more intense these feelings of anger are and then you have the added benefit of dealing with the taboo of taking an ex back so fast.
This is one of the many reasons that I advise that you go into a no contact rule after a breakup NO MATTER WHAT.
I think it’s a universally agreed upon fact that in most cases time going by can diffuse anger.
Thus, by that logic if we let some time go by due to the no contact rule your ex girlfriend won’t have the same anger that she was having towards you right after the breakup.
I sense a graphic coming on…
A couple of things I want to point out here.
Obviously your ex girlfriend is going to be super upset after the breakup and after some time goes by (preferably by a NC rule) she isn’t going to be as upset. However, I was really clever when picking the face emoticons in the graphic.
I want you to notice that the face that I have under “your ex after the no contact rule” is still not very happy.
In fact, it looks like there is some disappointment in that face, doesn’t there?
Look, one of the biggest misconceptions about the no contact rule is that it’s going to solve all of your problems.
That if you use the no contact rule on your girlfriend she will somehow magically forgive you and everything will go back to the way it was before. Unfortunately it doesn’t quite work that way. Your ex girlfriend will still probably be upset after the no contact rule but she will be nowhere near as upset as she was immediately after the breakup before you did the no contact rule.
Just look at the difference between the faces above.
One is seeing red while the other is just a little skeptical/disappointed.
Now, I don’t know about you but that’s one hell of an improvement in a short amount of time.
I know what you are thinking, though…
Well, before I get into that lets talk about the advantage that you do have over other men.
The Advantage You Have Over Other Men & How Good Your Chance Of Success Is
I am a big believer in the power of logical thinking.
In other words, when I try to size up a situation where a man is trying to get his girlfriend back I always ask a few basic questions,
- How good of a chance does this situation have of success?
- Are there any advantages that this situation has over the others out there?
- What about disadvantages? Does this situation have any?
Now, I have already talked about the disadvantages you are faced with if you are trying to get your ex girlfriend back if you broke up with her but what I have yet to talk about is how good of a chance you have of getting her back and if you have any advantages over any of the other situations out there.
I suppose we can talk about your advantage first.
(Oh ya… I forgot to mention that you do have one.)
The BIG Advantage That You Have Over Other Men
Lets hit the pause button, zoom out and take a look at the big picture of the situation you are in.
Right now we know three things.
Thing #1- You were the one who broke up with your girlfriend
Thing #2- She is probably upset at this fact
Thing #3- The best way that you can combat this anger right now is to implement the no contact rule.
Well, I am about to let you in on thing #4.
Are you ready?
The fact that you were the one who broke up with her can actually serve as an advantage when it comes to getting her back.
Weird, right?
Well, it’s not actually that far out of left field when you think about it.
Human beings always seem to desire that which they cannot have.
I often use this example to describe men for the women on my other site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery but I am going to reverse engineer it for you since I feel it applies to women and I even mentioned this little example a bit in my last article.
Lets pretend that a woman is faced with the very tough decision of choosing between you and your clone.
There is nothing that is different between the two of you at all.
Same looks…
Same personality…
Same job…
Same weird birthmark on your left buttcheek…
(Too much?)
The ONLY thing that differs between the two of you is that she dated you and she hasn’t dated your clone yet.
Now, let me ask you a simple question.
Out of the two of you which do you think she will desire more?
Notice how I have the phrase “desire” bolded?
I did that because I am not asking who should is more likely to date again. I asked who she desires.
My money is on the fact that she is going to desire the new experience… the new guy (even though he is your clone.)
Remember, men and women always want what they can’t have.
And this brings us full circle.
YOU were the one who broke up with your ex girlfriend. You know what that means, right?
You put your ex girlfriend in a position where she is forced to desire you.
Why?
Because even though she did technically “get you” at one point you ultimately broke up with her which is essentially the equivalent of telling her that she can’t have you anymore.
Now, I don’t know about you but that automatically puts her in a position where she is going to have to seek YOUR approval to get you back.
At least, that is what she is going to think.
And therein lies your greatest advantage.
When you do begin your campaign to get her back you will always have this on your side. She will always be under the assumption that she wasn’t good enough and there is nothing more than women love to prove to men that they are good enough.
Trust me on this.
But there is still a very pressing question to answer.
What kind of chance do you really have of success?
How Good Of A Chance Do You Really Have Of Success?
One of the things I like doing here at Ex Girlfriend Recovery is assigning a certain percentage value to a certain situation.
Generally speaking the higher the percentage the better the chance.
Oh, and just so we don’t get out of hand with percentage the max percentage you can get is 100%. Of course, when it comes to getting an ex girlfriend back there is no percentage that is that high.
In fact, I would say that if you had something like a 40% chance of success that, that would be an amazing number.
Why am I telling you this?
It’s because I am going to attempt to assign a percentage to your situation.
Oh, and in case you forgot,
Your Situation = You Breaking Up With Your Ex Girlfriend
One of the biggest advantages that I have over other people in my field is that I interact with a lot of men and women in the comments of my articles. It is through these interactions that I am able to preach my message and see the kind of results they yield.
Now, some people are willing to get their exes back but they have problems following instruction.
Let me give you an example.
Lets say that I am trying to teach two men to get back with their ex girlfriends after they broke up with them.
Man A
&
Man B
Now, lets also say that I come up with the very best strategy for getting an ex back in this situation and I teach it to both men.
Man A listens very intently but when push comes to shove he falters from the game plan and ultimately fails to get his ex back.
Man B, on the other hand, not only listens to the game plan but implements it to a T and gets his ex back.
I taught this very same strategy to both men so that means that my strategy had a 50% success rate, right?
Technically yes but there is a problem.
Man A did not follow my strategy. Instead, he opted to follow his own and while that can work sometimes it didn’t in this case. In my mind this ruins things because the strategy that I taught him is very different than the strategy that he actually employed.
What’s the point of me telling you this?
When I talk about the percentage of success I am only taking into account the people who followed the strategy perfectly.
In other words, if any alterations were made from the strategy I taught it doesn’t count because those alterations can really matter to your ex girlfriend.
I know what you are thinking…
“OK OK OK We get it… Just tell us what the percentage for success is in our situation.”
Honestly…
And I am not bullshi*ting you here.
A situation where YOU broke up with your ex girlfriend has the best chance of success out of all the situations out there.
I would say that if 100 men attempted to get their exes back in this particular situation 40 of them would succeed if they used my strategy.
In other words, 40% of them wold succeed using the strategy I am about to teach you.
Are you ready?
How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back If YOU Broke Up With Her
I want you to take a look at the graphic I put together below.
Study it because it is EVERYTHING you are going to need to get your ex girlfriend back assuming you broke up with her,
Now, I am not going to lie to you.
This is the premise of the strategy that I teach in Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO and I am not going to be teaching you all of it today.
(Hey, I have to leave some of you wanting more.)
Nevertheless, I am going to dissect it a bit for you here.
I look at this strategy as having three parts.
Let me show them to you,
So, the three parts are,
Part One- The No Contact Rule
Part Two- The Value Chain
Part Three- Success
Lets talk about part one for a second.
PART ONE- The No Contact Rule
Sound familiar?
Yup, I already talked a lot about this and told you how important it was to diffusing your ex girlfriends anger.
Notice how I have strategically placed the no contact rule before anything else.
This is because I want to make sure your ex girlfriend is at a place emotionally where she will at least be responsive to you.
Now, what do I mean by that.
As you are about to learn with the value chain, I am a big believer in using text messages to “work your way up” the value chain. However, it’s kind of impossible to move up this value chain if your ex looks like this every single time you reach out to her,
That’s where the no contact rule comes in.
Like I said above one of it’s many purposes is to get your ex girlfriend at a place emotionally where she will accept messages from you.
Once she is in this place that’s where we can turn our attention to part two of the process.
PART TWO: The Value Chain
I have talked about “The Value Chain” a lot on this website specifically here and here.
(Heck, it’s the premise behind Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.)
Can you see the value chain alright?
No?
Ok, let me zoom in on that one part for you,
How’s that?
Good?
Alright you will notice that there are four main parts to the value chain.
- Text Messages
- Phone Calls
- A Small In Person Interaction
- A Romantic In Person Interaction
In a nutshell this is the order that you have to communicate with your ex girlfriend.
So, you start off with text messages…
Then you move to phone calls and then to the small in person interaction and finally the romantic in person interaction.
Now, I know you want details but I am not going to give them to you…
Well, maybe I will give you one big tip.
It’s this idea of always leave your ex girlfriend wanting more.
The premise is actually quite simple.
You get your ex girlfriend all worked up to where she is hanging on your every word and then at the climax you suddenly just end….
Kind of like I am about to right now!
PART THREE: SUCCESS!!!
