What’s the first thing that pops into your head when you think of someone who begs for something?
Personally, I get one image that constantly pops into my head,
Yup, its the pathetic image of a guy who is on his hands and knees crying.
Ok, here is another fun little question.
If I got on my hands and knees right now and begged you to buy my book would you?
Hey, I am like the coolest guy ever and I could really use the money!
PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP…
Look, I am on my knees begging,
Oh, and in case you are wondering if this is one of my classic jokes, it’s not.
I am dead serious.
You can purchase PRO by clicking this link,
Ok, I was joking.
And since I haven’t seen an influx of sales in the last five seconds I am guessing that my sales pitch which consisted of,
- Not offering any value
- And ordering you around
Now, I have a feeling I know what you are thinking.
“What the heck was the point of all that?”
It’s my passive aggressive way of showing you that begging for an ex girlfriend to be in a relationship with you is NOT the way to go.
In fact, I would go as far as saying it’s one of the most common and most treacherous mistakes that I see here at Ex Girlfriend Recovery.
My Vision For This Page
No not that vision…
I am trying to create the best website on earth for men looking to,
A. Get back with their ex girlfriends
B. Get over their ex girlfriends
Since most of the men who visit this site are interested in learning how they can get their ex girlfriends back that’s where most of my focus has remained and since this is an article about how to overcome your pathetic begging that’s what we are going to focus on.
In other words, if you are looking to get over your ex girlfriend then this is not the page for you.
Now, I am a big believer of going above and beyond for you so this page isn’t going to just teach you about what your ex girlfriend is thinking when you beg for her back (SPOILER ALERT: It’s not good) but it’s going to give you an actionable game plan that you can use to get her back since I already have a feeling that you begged for her back.
I suppose the first thing that the ideal place to start is to let you in on what I like to call “the GNAT’s of the world.”
What Is A GNAT?
Oh come on, you know what a gnat is, right?
Those super annoying bugs that never seem to go away no matter how many times you swat at them.
Here is a picture,
I thought you would get a kick out of the fact that I put a little arrow and heading showing where a gnat was in this picture.
I don’t know what it is about stuff like that but it always makes me giggle like a little kid who knows he is doing something wrong but absolutely loves it.
Anyways, what if I told you that a man who begs for his ex girlfriend back is the equivalent of a gnat to her.
Do you need me to expand on this?
(I actually talk a lot about this idea in my book, The Texting Bible.)
Ok, first things first, for this little example to work I am banking on the fact that you have had experience with gnats in your own life before.
So, if you don’t have any experience with gnats consider yourself lucky because they are super annoying.
Here goes my example,
You want your ex girlfriend back after the breakup and you decide that the best way to go about accomplishing this goal is to beg for her back.
Your weapon of choice?
*For more texting examples like this visit this page.
Now, lets consider your ex girlfriends perspective based on these begging text messages that you sent.
I am guessing that when your ex girlfriend receives the first text message from you,
She is going to be amused.
As a general rule, human beings love flattery and there is nothing more flattering than someone trying to beg for you back.
Of course, things start to change when she receives the second message,
This message is the moment she realizes that you aren’t going to give this chase up.
Your like a dog with a bone who isn’t going to let go until he gets the response he wants.
Maybe she ignores you or maybe she responds to you to tell you that she doesn’t want to see you.
(Though in the message above I clearly showed that your ex girlfriend doesn’t respond to you.)
Whatever the case you haven’t become entirely annoying to her… yet.
That’s where the third message comes into play.
It is at this point that you are considered a full fledged GNAT.
And she is about to take her first “swat” at you by ignoring this message.
Of course, just like when a gnat is swatted at you come back for more,
Welcome to the GNAT town.
Population – YOU.
I want to tell you a funny story but in order for this story to make sense I need to give you some context.
Some of my more “in tune” readers are aware that in addition to Ex Girlfriend Recovery I also own a “sister site” to this one called Ex Boyfriend Recovery.
Ex Boyfriend Recovery is like the women’s version of this site.
About a year ago a reader on my other site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery contacted me and started praising me for my ideas on the GNAT.
She then said something that I knew was going to change the way I forever viewed the GNAT.
Her: “Does GNAT stand for something?”
Me: “Nope, it just is an analogy for the annoying bug that constantly flies around your head.”
Her: “Oh, I thought it stood for Going Nuts At Texting…”
How perfect is that?
It’s so true too!
It pretty much encompasses everything that a GNAT is.
What was the point of telling you that story?
To really hammer the point home that a GNAT is not a good thing.
Does Begging Ever Work?
I suppose the answer to that question depends on what you are begging for.
Let me give you an example.
If you have a child and you take that child to a toy store and the child sees something that he/she wants and begs you for it then you might give in just to keep them quiet. In fact, I have seen this happen first hand.
However, when you are talking about something huge like who you are going to date then begging rarely works.
Now, I am not one of those people who is going to tell you with 100% certainty that begging won’t work.
I am sure there is some rare case that I am not thinking of where it would work but do I recommend it?
I think it all has to do with the way we perceive people who beg.
This is particularly true for women.
Lets jump in my handy dandy time machine,
And go back to the caveman times where things were very simple.
Now, lets pretend that you are a part of a caveman tribe and the most beautiful woman in the tribe just lost her husband (who was the leader of the tribe.) He was trampled by a dinosaur,
Tradition dictates that the leader of your tribe gets to marry this beautiful girl and since you are in love with this beautiful girl you want to try to win her heart.
What is the best way to do so?
Should you go up to her and grunt (since language hasn’t been invented yet) in a way that resembles begging?
Or should you try to win her through strength?
That’s what gets my vote.
Well, as weird as this is going to sound not much has really changed from caveman times when it comes to what women find attractive.
They still prefer a strong man over a man who is weak or begs.
The only difference is that back in caveman times strength actually meant strength.
In other words, it was the biggest burliest dude that got all the women.
Humans have become much more sophisticated and as a result of that sophistication what we find attractive in mates has slightly changed.
In other words, looking like this is no longer going to cut it,
(Freaky picture, huh? I am pretty sure it’s photoshopped though.)
Anyways, I think I got a bit off topic since I was supposed to be explaining why women don’t find begging attractive.
Why Women Don’t Find Begging Attractive
Think about the actual action of begging.
With begging you have a beggar and a receiver.
The Beggar- Is the one who does the begging (aka: YOU.)
The Receiver- Is the one who receives the begging (aka: Your Ex)
Hmm… perhaps I should paint a picture to make this a little more clear since I think these things pop a lot when I add fun little pictures into the fray.
Ok, so in this picture the receiver clearly doesn’t find the begging attractive, why?
Well, in order to understand this we are going to have to turn to a concept that I teach a lot in my book, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO and on this site.
People are attracted to the things they can’t have.
It’s funny, I talked a lot about this in my last article for EGR.
So, the premise of this is actually quite simple.
Lets pretend that you have two men going after the same girl. Now, everything about these men is identical. They look the same, they have the same job, they even act the same. It’s almost like someone cloned one of them.
Anyways, like I said above they are going after the same girl and that’s where their one difference comes into play.
Man #1 – Does Not Beg During The Courtship
Man #2 – DOES Beg During The Courtship
Out of the two men which do you think the girl will pick?
The one that doesn’t beg (Man #1)
Because she already knows that she can get (Man #2) and she doesn’t know if she can get (Man #1) and that makes him more attractive.
Women want the guy they can’t have.
Plain and simple.
Are you getting it yet?
Begging is a very BOLD statement saying that your ex girlfriend CAN have you.
It is basically creating this headwind that is going to make your attempt at getting her back ten times harder than it needs to be.
The Sales Pitch Analogy (Another Reason Begging Doesn’t Work)
Think back to the beginning of this article.
Specifically the part where I begged you to buy my book, Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.
Did it work?
Because begging doesn’t work in sales.
Let me give you an example.
If you were to go to Best Buy right now to buy a TV I am pretty sure the sales person there isn’t going to get on his or her hands and knees and beg you to buy a TV.
No, what they are going to try to (if they are a good sales person) is provide value to you so you get excited about purchasing a TV.
Providing that value is super important because often times it’s what makes the sale.
Consider my business model for a moment.
I am just a guy.
I don’t have any special credentials like a doctorate in psychology (though I will say I spend as much time as a doctorate candidate researching and learning things for you guys.) Anyways, at my core I am just a guy who knows a thing or two about relationships.
My medium for sharing how I can help you is this website.
So, when you found this website do you notice me immediately spamming you with sales pitches to buy my products?
Well, except in this post but that was to make a point.
Usually what I do is let my advice speak for itself.
I provide as much value as I possibly can to you and let you make your own decision on whether or not to buy my products. Sure, I do pitch them here and there but it’s never too in your face to the point where I am begging.
My theory is that me providing value to you will translate to sales.
The same can be said of relationships.
Look, I think by now you already know that I have a very eccentric view of the relationships. And when it comes to getting an ex girlfriend back I like to think that it’s nothing more than one massive sales pitch where you are selling yourself.
That’s how we need to approach this if you are going to have any chance of success.
So, guess what I am going to do now?
I am going to teach you how to sell yourself to your ex girlfriend so that she will want you back.
Selling Yourself To Your Ex Girlfriend
You are going to be attempting to do something that is very difficult.
You are going to be trying to sell yourself to someone who has already “bought” you in the past.
Now, lets hit the pause button right here since I can sense that your confusion.
You and your ex girlfriend dated in the past.
The mere fact that you dated in the past means that you already got your girlfriend to invest some time and emotional capital in you (which is like the equivalent to money) in the real world.
Perhaps I should create another cool little graphic for you so that I can really drive this point here.
Ok, in this analogy your ex girlfriend is buying some goods (which you can see pictured in the pink bag above.)
The girl in the picture is your ex girlfriend
And the credit card she is paying for the goods with is like her investing time and emotional capital into a relationship with you.
Oh, and the goods are the equivalent to YOU.
Now, the reason why getting an ex girlfriend back is so difficult is because the two of you had a breakup which is like having her return the goods she bought to the store she bought it at,
So, essentially what you are trying to do is re-pitch the same “product” to your ex girlfriend and get her to buy it again (when she returned it.)
Do you see how difficult that is?
Oh, and when you add in the fact that you have probably already begged her to “buy you.” Well, that is really difficult.
So, what’s the best way that you can get her to buy you?
Well, you are going to have to repackage the same product and present it in a different way.
How can I put this in a way that will make you understand.
Ok, lets pretend that when your ex girlfriend bought you, you were a beer,
However, she took a sip, hated it and returned it.
Well, after working with me you are going to represent yourself to her as a wine,
Much more refined…
And what she can picture herself with.
But how can you achieve this type of transformation?
Especially when you already begged her to take the beer back.
Well, lets talk about that.
The Selling Yourself Strategy (If You Begged)
So I think I have come up with a pretty good strategy that you can implement if you have ended up begging for your ex girlfriend back and it all revolves around selling yourself and this idea of repackaging.
Are you ready?
Ok, here it goes!
So, I bet you are wondering what the heck all of this means.
Well, don’t worry.
Just like always I am going to be going down the list one by one explaining what everything needs. So, sit back and relax because I am going to take it from here.
I supposed I should just jump right in, huh?
Ok, lets start with “erasing the begging.”
STEP ONE: Erase The Begging
I feel like calling on the Men In Black here.
You know how they have that special tool that can erase your memory?
Yup, if we could just use that tool on your ex girlfriend we would be golden, huh?
Well, what if I told you that there was a tool that you could use on your ex girlfriend that can “kind of” erase her memory of your pathetic begging?
That tool is called the no contact rule,
If you don’t know what the no contact rule is then I suggest you pick up a copy of PRO and learn.
Here is a quick crash course on what it is though,
The No Contact Rule– A specific period of time (between 21 to 45 days) where you ignore your ex girlfriend no matter what (except in a few instances.)
So, I know the question you are wondering at this point.
“How does the no contact rule make my ex forget about my begging.”
Well, it accomplishes this on two levels.
Level One- It’s The Opposite Of What She Expects
You have already begged for your ex girlfriend back.
No matter what she is going to expect you to continue begging for her.
So, when this doesn’t happen she is going to have this subconscious thought that goes,
“Wait, why did he stop? He’s not supposed to stop.”
This is going to lead brilliantly into repackaging yourself which is the next rung of the ladder on our strategy but more on that later.
Lets move on to level two.
Level Two- The Attachment Of Bad Memories
Right now what is the first thing that your ex girlfriend thinks of when she thinks of you?
She probably thinks of the fact that you begged for her back.
In other words, this is her memory of you.
Every single time that you message her (right now) this is probably going to be the first thought that is going to pop into her mind.
“Oh, he is trying to beg for me back…”
“UGH… not this again…”
“OMG this guy is relentless…”
I imagine thoughts like that are quite common from her side.
So, here is something that I didn’t talk about yet.
Every single time you talk to your ex girlfriend after begging for her back she is going to to think of you actually begging for her back. In other words, those bad memories are going to attach themselves to every interaction you have with her.
So, in essence even trying to contact her forces her to remember that pathetic begging.
That’s where the no contact rule comes into play.
By using the no contact rule and NOT contacting your ex instead of constantly forcing her to remember the begging you are going to let some time go by and there is definitely a correlation between time going by and forgetting.
STEP TWO: Repackaging Yourself
So, the way other people teach the no contact rule is a lot different than I do.
You see, most people will tell you to use the no contact rule and then somehow magically your ex girlfriend is going to contact you and all will be right with the world. And while I would be lying if I told you that I have never actually seen that happen firsthand (I definitely have) I will admit that it is rare.
People who recommend doing the no contact rule in this way are missing the boat on two huge opportunities.
These two opportunities are basically steps two and three of the process I am teaching you here.
Lets talk about repackaging yourself.
The no contact rule is a strict rule where you get between 21 to 45 days of free time away from your ex.
That means that you won’t see her or talk to her in any way, shape or form.
Now, I have a question for you.
What are you supposed to do during this time?
Do you just sit on your hands and pick flowers?
Well, that’s how other people teach the no contact rule.
Not me though…
I like to take the Pete Rose approach,
I like teaching men to hustle.
I want you to work hard during the no contact rule and you are definitely going to have to if you want to have any chance of repackaging yourself.
So how do you do that?
How do you hustle and work hard during the no contact rule?
Well, you focus on the holy trinity during the no contact rule.
If you want a full explanation of the holy trinity I recommend checking out Ex Girlfriend Recovery PRO.
Here is the quick lowdown though,
In the graphic above I talk about the three main areas of life that I want you to focus on.
These three levels,
Make up the holy trinity.
Now, you will also notice that in the graphic above there is an arrow.
This arrow is super important as it is pointing towards the intersect that happens between the three legs of the holy trinity.
Finding out how to balance all three of these things perfectly is extremely difficult.
I know it seems really easy at a glance but when you actually get in and try to balance these three things you will find that it’s very rare.
But that’s what I want you to do.
During the no contact rule I want you to attempt to get these three aspects in your life to balance.
STEP THREE: Using The Value Chain
What I am about to teach you isn’t necessarily revolutionary as I have taught it on this site and in my books,
But after you have utilized the no contact rule and have “repackaged yourself” I want you to try using something that I like to call “the value chain.” Now, if all this technical mumbo jumbo wording is confusing you don’t sweat it too much.
The value chain is actually quite easy to understand.
It’s basically my way of transitioning from method of communication to method of communication. Oh, and I haven’t even gotten to the best part.
The value chain is utilized by many Fortune 500 companies in their sales process so it kind of fits perfectly into what we are talking about here.
Here is how it works.
We take the lowest risk of communication with an ex, texting, and slowly but surely move our way up to the riskiest form of communication, seeing her in person.
Here is a graphic outlining exactly how this works,
Notice how the mediums of communication with your ex slowly but surely increase as you move to the value chain until you finally get to the end where you go on a romantic date.
By the romantic date point you should have built up enough value to make your final pitch to her to get her to “buy you.”
Now, I bet you are dying for me to thoroughly dissect the value chain, huh?
I am not going to do that because it’s my way of building value to you so that I can get you to buy 😉 .
(Hey, I have to leave you wanting more somehow.)
Ok, I will just dissect one tiny little thing.
Do you notice how under the value chain I have arrows pointing to each little section with the title saying,
Well, that’s because you cannot transition into the next phase of the value chain until enough attraction has been built in each individual section.
Well, you’ll just have to pick up PRO if you want more of an explanation :p .
LEVEL FOUR: Persistence
What I am going to say here is not going to be overly revolutionary.
In fact, you will probably get more from the past three levels as this is going to be more motivational than anything else.
I am going to let you in on a little secret that I have seen due to my time here at Ex Girlfriend Recovery.
When you answer over 50,000 comments about exes you learn a thing or two.
Want me to teach you what I have learned.
There is a difference between the men who succeed and the men who fail.
In fact, recently a man contacted me on Facebook as he was desperate to get his ex back.
Now, his situation didn’t really blow me away since I have seen a lot like it in the past. However, for some reason I was compelled to help him.
(Side Note: I try to do my best with answering comments on the site but that’s usually it. I am spread too thin for everything else but something about this guy made me want to help him.)
So I did.
I’ll admit that I could have done a better job of offering advice but I did the best I could with the little time that I had.
Well, he got his ex back!
And you want to know what I think really won him his ex back?
It wasn’t anything special one liner or tactic.
It was his persistence.
Seriously, too many men give up before they even have a chance. In fact, it drives me nuts.
It’s the persistent man that wins out the end.
Just ask my buddy Keith!
Besides, what’s the mark of a great salesman?